Some Love

The glow from the form died down slightly, and Discord stepped back a few paces his eyes scanning the form.

Discord chuckled and smiled devilishly. “Why, it is you, Celestia! What a pleasant surprise. What brings you out of lounging on your luxurious princess bottom to come down here into the first floor stallion’s bathrooms? Getting into some naughty business?”

The form from which the light emanated from made a high pitched noise, almost as if it were saying something. The outline of its body, roughly Discord’s height, was traced in the light, setting it into a silhouette. Four long, thin legs hug off of its vaguely cylindrical body, and two stockier, if still thin in comparison to a pony’s, legs provided the being a place in which to stand

The light died down, and the form’s finer details become visible. Its head could now be seen, and its color descended—it was grey, and the head was too small for its body. Two long antenna jutted off of the creature’s head, and chitinous plates made up its underbelly, which was pointed right at Discord.

“Well, you’ve let yourself go, Celestia,” Discord stated matter-of-factly. “Why, I can already see the new inches that line that plot of yours. Still, I suppose you’ll find a stallion who will go for the larger ladies...” He paused to lick his lips. “I know I will.”

The beetle stared at Discord with large, compound eyes. Its mandibles clicked and chattered, and the noise escaped from its mouth again, this time sounded more like wind over the tops of bottles than anything else.

“Oh, you know I kid, Celestia, my old friend,” Discord said with a chuckle, waving his paw at her limp-wristed. “I was just coming here to see you, actually! Thank you for saving me a trip all the way to the throne room, it’s quite arduous to walk up two flights of stairs...”

The beetle clicked and chittered.

Discord arched an eyebrow. “Oh? You don’t say! Why, I thought that hedge had moved.”

The antenna twitched.

“Well, now, if I had anything to do with “giant moles”, you know I would have told—well, no, you’re right, but still! I don’t just spend all my time screwing with moles, Celestia. Just Sundays.”

Discord laughed heartily. The beetle clicked.

“Now, where are my manners! Let me introduce you to my lovely girlfriend, Meredith!” Discord ushered Meredith forward, the mop gliding up to the beetle. The beetle ceased any noises it was making and stared down at the mop with its large, insectoid eyes.

“Now, say hello Meredith. This is Princess Celestia herself!”

Meredith, incapable of speaking due to the small detail of her being a mop, said nothing. The beetle, however, made a single loud clack with its mandible, and turned to Discord.

“Ah, good to see you hitting off,” Discord said with a smile. “I was afraid you two would be at odds, what with Celestia being extremely jealous of Meredith’s obviously superior looks.”

Discord smirked, and the beetle clacked its mandibles once more. It opened them, and a noise escaped once more, but this wasn’t the mumble that had occurred from before, nor the whooshing drone. This was something that could... almost be words. In fact, they were words, but no one there understood them.

“Hee-san-ee-may-hee no...” the beetle trilled in a high-pitched voice. “Hee-san-ee-may-hee no...”

“Oh, relax, Celestia! You’re a mare lacking in bad appearances, but you hardly hold a light up to Meredith; fret not, though! I am comparing you to true perfection, so you shouldn’t take it so hard. You’re easily one of the finer looking mares I have encountered.”

“Hee-san-ee-may-hee no...” The beetle was stepping closer, trundling on its frail legs, looking as though it could collapse at any moment. “Hee-san-ee-may-hee no...”

“Me? Harbor any feelings? Celestia, surely you jest!” Discord held his talon to his chest in mock astonishment. “In all seriousness, Princess, you know our relations were severed long ago. Meredith is the only one for me, aren’t you, darling?”

Discord brought Meredith close and nuzzled the top of her handle with his cheek. The beetle took one step closer, now only a foot away from Discord.

“Hee-san-ee-may-hee no... hee-san-ee-may-hee no...”

“C-Celestia, what are you doing?” Discord asked, his voice catching for a moment. “You can’t be serious! I belong to Meredith now! You had your chance, you and Luna both, and you both blew it in turn!”

The beetle was a mere six inches away from Discord as it took another step closer to him. “HEE-SAN-EE-MAY-HEE NO... HEE-SAN-EE-MAY-HE NO...”

“Celestia, I am trying to be c-civil here...” Discord stammered, stepping back and falling into his rear. The static noise from before had roared up in his ears once again, starting off low but spiking in no time. “I don’t want this to turn into a fight! C-Can’t this simply be a meeting between friends?”

“HEE-SAN-EE-MAY-HEE NO... HEE-SAN-EE-MAY-HEE NO...” The beetle reached up one of its lower arms towards Discord, extending itself towards his face...

The static reached a steam whistle pitch in Discords ears, and he scooted himself back five feet, sweating and pale. “I-I’m sorry my dear, and Celestia... I think that shrimp is simply not agreeing with me. I’ll be right back...”

Discord dove another four feet to his left, and lifted up the rock from before. He retched, and dry heaved for a few moments, before his eyes rolled back into his head. He vomited a large deposits of sand from his mouth, the gritty, grainy mix flooding from his mouth. It was mostly a dull yellow, but it was also interspersed with a fine amount of red and white, from the clay and marble he had ingested, respectively.

“Oh, oh my...” Discord gasped between breaths. “That’s the last time I eat strange shrimp from a bathroom...” He struggled to smile weakly, but his mouth was soon occupied by a large amount of sand flooding forth from it once more.

The beetle looked over at Discord, turning to face him. It clacked once, and turned away to face Meredith, who was hovering just to the left of the large bug. It trundled over to the mop, antennas twitching wildly, and butted its head gently against the handle.

It let loose a loud scream, and jumped back, its back parting to reveal a set of four gossemer wings, two on each side, one under the other. It fluttered these wings for a brief moment before seemingly calming down, and turned to face Discord again.

Discord turned around, his brow heavy with sweat, and moaned in discomfort. “N-Now, ladies, I expect you to behave with each other... I don’t want any—URP!”

Discord covered his mouth and turned back to the pile of sand, clay, and marble, and vomited a few large chunks of stone.

The beetle stared at Discord for a few moments before turning its back to him, slowly lumbering away in the opposite direction without another word.