Dear Princess Celestia,
What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? No really, think about it. Was it asking that cute girl or boy out to the prom? Cleaning out a stable? Maybe going to work when the world just isn't going your way? That seems hard, right?
Its not. That is something you do every day and never regret, something that will never haunt you. Maybe the date went wrong, maybe you didn't get the job done, or maybe you got fired. It won’t stay with you, not for more than a day or two (a few weeks if you're a drama Queen). Look back and think about it. What is the thing that haunts you to this day?
You may even say nothing, things just don't affect you that much. You may say something like not taking that job or not asking out that special somepony. Maybe you had something that changed who you were, that shaped you into what you are now. You may talk about your loss of family because of something they did, that is what I’m saying is hard.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done, the hardest thing I will ever do. You talk about causing an accident that hurt someone or pushing someone over the edge of sanity, I’m telling you what I did, how I felt about it and what it is doing to me. Just so you know, this is scary to me and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.
My name is Redmoon Levee. I am on of your many subjects and I have done something that will haunt me till the day I pass from this world. It may not seem like it to you, but to me, it rocked me to the core. I'm even having trouble writing this out.
I am an earth pony, with little to his name. I've lived, loved, learned and I've lost. My talent is working hard and leading people down the path of the light. Recently I have taken employment with a local nursing home, caring for the elderly at night. I like the work and it keeps food on the table and a roof over my head.
But that is not why I'm writing you. One day, while at work, I received a letter from a friend. It stated that I needed to return home due to something with my son. I dashed off and sent letters out to my family to get as much information as I could about the problem. My son, who at the time was living with my aunt and uncle, had talked with them.
He wanted to stay with them, permanently.
That hit me like a stone dropped from a mountainside. My life turned upside down until I started to talk to everyone. My mother, aunt and uncle meet me at my grandmother's house to discus what was going to happen and what had happened.
To elaborate on the fact of me having a son, I was once married to a lovely young mare named Pandora. We loved each other very much, enough to have a child and try to start a family. As time went on, we made mistakes, but we did our best.
It was all for not. Pandora began to feel trapped and wanted out of the marriage, causing us to lose our stability. She moved out with our son and into her mother's, leaving me to find or myself. I was fine with this, so long as I got to see my son. But soon she lost that home and my son had nowhere to stay. I couldn't take him because I was living with a friend at the time, and Pandora was going to her friends. So I had my mother take him.
He wound up with my aunt and uncle living in the country with their son, Dunken. I would write, to make sure he was fine and doing well in school and getting along with his cousin well, when he asked me the strangest thing. He asked if I was going to take him away from this.
Something felt off about how he asked it, so I wrote to my aunt asking if something was wrong. She said that he was starting to call them dad and mom, and that he was calling Dunken his big brother.
That was why he asked if I was going to take him away, why he was doing everything in his power to make nice with my aunt and uncle and his cousin. He was scared to lose everything he had built there, scared that he would lose his friends, toys, bed, everything. It broke my heart.
I wrote him back, saying that I was not ready to take him back and that it might never happen, that I loved him even though I couldn't see him. I told him I would visit and talk with him about it someday, but I had an idea that could help him get over his fears.
Pandora and I had singed temporary guardianship to my aunt and uncle back when he moved in with them, so he could go to school and get treatment if he got injured. I told him to talk to his mom and dad about it and have them explain what that meant. After that I had no contact from him for two months.
I was beginning to worry when I got that letter. Then I panicked. When did this happen, how, why? My world was falling apart as I walked into the front door of my grandmother's house. I sat and talked with them about what was happening, and to my surprise, my son was the one who came up with the idea. They said that he asked them about the guardianship and wanted to know more about things like that.
My son is smart. Not genius, but smart. Quick witted and a puzzle salver, nothing gets past him. He even knew Pandora and I had divorced after he went to live with my family. He had learned about adoption through my uncle and started to ask about it. He went so far as to start reading about it at school. Like I said, he is smart.
He presented his findings to my aunt and uncle and said he wanted it. They couldn't argue with him, it was fact and law on his side. So they started the paperwork.
I sat dumbfounded at that. I didn't know how to react or what to say, so I just sat and thought on it. I asked myself if I could take him from them and raise him with minimal damage to him, if I could keep him financially upright and feed? I was on just able to scrape by with the money I was making, I could never take him and keep afloat.
So I did the only thing that was right, and the only thing I could. I said yes.
Then they asked about Pandora. They asked if I could convince her to go with it as well. I said I would try, but I couldn't promos anything. So the next day I went and talked to Pandora.
I sat her down and showed her the letters that our son had written me and she showed me the ones he had written her. Night and day. Her letters said things like he was fine where he was, to stop writing him, that he was scared of her. So I told her what he wanted.
Tears are not fair to use against a man, they always work. Unless his child is involved. I asked her if she could take him right now, if he would be feed, clothed, go to school, and if she could be there for him when he got home every time. She cried as I told her that it was best for him, that after sometime, he would comeback and visit without fear or trying to keep his distance from us. After that I let her think on it, and I left for work.
The hardest day of work I had was that day. I was worried about my son, about how Pandora would respond about everything. Even my boss saw it. So when I got a letter again at work saying that she would let our son get adopted, I nearly jumped through the roof.
My son was going to be safe and sound, with his family and friends. It took two days for us to sine the paperwork, but when we did I finally let out the breath I was holding. Pandora went her own way and I went mine, I still keep in contact with her and my son but mostly just my son.
But this was the first Father’s day that I didn't have someone with me. I look back at everything that happened and I can't help feel that I failed. That, because of this, I am a bad pony and it brakes my heart.
My friends say that I am strong because of this, that I did the right thing. Even my mother says I did good, but I can't help but feel bad about the hole thing. So I decided to try this, to try writing you and see if you had any idea or opinion on it.
Your humble servant
Redmoon Levee
