The Adventures Of Captain Buttsechz

by Lightning Rod

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Random, Dark, Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1350

Captain Buttsechs and his sidekick Brian are caught between good and evil. A Trollfic.

One day, a friend of mine started writing on my account. His story had nothig to do with ponies, and was a piss-around. But I saw the light, and got together 6 friends, to write the ultimate fanfiction. This is it. We all roleplay one character in the story, and shit happens. This will offend pretty much anyone that takes it seriously.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-04 02:05:10 UTC

Prologue

Hello Everypony, and welcome. As some of you may have guessed, this is a trollfic. Or, at the very least, a well written string together of the most random shite we could think of. This story will offend anyone who takes it seriously, and minors may want to look elsewhere for a laugh. But, I digress. This story contains sex, sexual references, non-con, and many other truly offensive things. Don't read it if you are easily offended, and think twice if you aren't. It's probably not as bad as I make it out, but you didn't have to see the rough draft.

Don't kill us all.

TMR

Also, o0O is a flashback, and iI1Ii is a writer change

It was a dark, stormy Friday night when, suddenly, Captain Buttsex was alerted by his anal signal in the sky. He stopped getting down, and immediatly sprung into action and got in his rape-mobile. When he got to the origin of the alerted location, he found a small boy who was deprived of buttsex. He was writhing on the floor leaking diarrhoea from his anus and mouth and needed 'it' badly to plug him up.

Suddenly, he realised his sexth sense was tingling, in a very sexual way (well, that or the STD's.) He immediatly stopped saving the little boy and followed the tingle to the west. As he got closer, it became apparent to him what was tingling his sense. It was his side-kick Brian! Brian seemed like a normal teenage boy on the surface but once you got to know him, it quickly becomes apparent that he is a very messed up and perverted child. Brian had always been faithful to Captain Buttsex to the filthy end and would never betray him unless they were role-playing. Although Brian originally was a normal boy he did seem really perverted and strange especially when he expressed his emotions for his first mate.

o0O iI1Ii <7DeathKiller>

One day he brought home this new friend called Teemo and he was some sort of chipmunk. they ventured downstairs to Brians rape-dungeon filled with chains and bolts.Brian chained Teemo naked to the wall and relieved him of his blow gun and replaced it with something more "personal".

"Omg suck me hardurrrrr broooooooooooo" Brian moaned in agony as Teemo was beginning the process of giving Brian a blumpkin. "You want a blumpkin or to shove it up mah arse?" Brian asked.

Teemo replied "No i wanna shove my pixie dick up yer arse cause i dislike things in my vagina apart from mushrooms!!!"

Brian obliged and said "Sure bro rupture my anus"

Teemo said "What???"

Brian screamed "RUPTURE MY ANUS!!!!!"

So the two went at it for the rest of the night and this is how Captain Buttsex met up with Brian. The moans and groans were so loud that Captain Buttsex came to rescue Brian by eating Teemo and forcing Brian into submission.

o0O iI1Ii

"BRIAN," Captain Buttsex yelled at his faithful sex slave, "We must be on our way, there are many anii to rupture and very little time, get in the Rape-Mobile," Brian faithfully complied and entered the cock shaped vehicle. We must enter Wrape-Drive 10,

"But that breaks the speed of buttsex Captain! It'll rupture the anii of everyone within 100 miles!" Brian pointed out.

"FRANKLY MY DEAR, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN" And with that, Captain Buttsex and Brian sped off into the night.

iI1Ii

Lord Slaggathor the Anally Disturbed, leader of the League of Buttphucks watched as his newest disciples were inducted into the League through the rite of Poontah. Only those with the most powerful Anii could survive the steroid induced anal that the more experienced followers, the Rectumars, dispensed straight into their anal cavities. He was preparing for war with the Heroes of NewButtsechz. The castle Buttsechzenberg was hidden deep within the forest of Analfull Forest with the neighbouring town of Colinween Town, famous for it's extravagent celebrations of the holiday, Colinween where all the little children dressed up as their favourite anus. Slaggathor surveyed all he had, and felt hungry. But then again, he was always hungry, for anus or food, he didn't really care. Slaggathor's hunger was insatiable, which is why he wanted to take control of NewButtsechz. It would supply him with both food and anus, a chance at sating himself.

"TYRACHADONOMOMOLOUS! WHERE ARE YOU?" yelled Slaggathor with his magically augmented voice.

"I never asked for this," replied Tyrachadonomomolous as he walked towards his lord. Tyrachadonomomolous was Slaggathors second in command, his most trusted disciple (because he was brainwashed lul).

"Who es numero uno Tyrachadonomomolous?" asked Slaggathor seriously.

"Ummmmmmmm, Evelynn?" replied Tyrachadonomomolous stupidly

"NO YOU DUMBPHUCKIN HURRDURRETARD, MORDEKAISER ES NUMERO UNO HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE!" scolded Slaggathor calmly, "Now cuntwad, what news from the town of NewButtsechz? Have you learnt anything new?"

"Only that Lubeitski has been recruiting new recruits to defend the town, nothing major; our army is still in way advance of their own," reported Tyrachadonomomolous.

"Good fuckface, now go do something useful, like jump off a cliff." joked Slaggathor

"As you wish my Lord," replied Tyrachadonomomolous seriously as he walked out of Slaggathors castle chambers.

"Wait... is he seriously going to jump off a cliff? PHUCK!" yelled Slaggathor as he ran after Tyrachadonomomolous.

iI1Ii

Liutenant Lubeitski paced down the line of his men. He was a Corperal-Liutenant in the NewButtsechz Police force, and was well deserving of the title. He had single hoof-edly brought down Corperal Corpses, and had come close to capturing 'Lord' Slaggathor, the Anally Disturbed. Also, he was a pony. He slicked back his red mane with a hoof, and stopped, looking directly at one of the recruits behind his aviators.

"What the hell are you looking at?" he asked, finally revealing to the readers that he had a stupidly Russian, Russian accent.

"What are you looking at you stupid pony?"

With that, Liutenant Lubeitski (or Liutenant Lube, as he was known) took off his glasses, before his pistol floated in mid-air, and then started to slap the recruit. As the recruit fell, the gun shot through his pants, the bullet disapearing before it hit the recruit, before the gun implanted itself in his rectal cavity.

It then moved up through his colon, through his intestines, and then out his mouth. By this point, the recruit was paralyzed with shock and the rupturing. Liutenant Lube waved him away, his gun cleaned from the stomach acid, and then being wiped on the recruits face.

Liutenant Lube kept on walking.

iI1Ii

Anus Puncher was a hopeless drunk, selling his rectum for money on the streets. He lost his home after the police determined him to unfit to rupture and any anus after the teemo incident. As he walked down the flithy street he wondered if there was a place out there that would accept his perverted mind. As he stopped to loiter a strange boy approached him.

"Hello there sir!" The boy said. "My name is Brian and im am travelling in te Rape-Van with Captain Buttsex" brian exlaimed

AnusPuncher looked up and saw that Brian was wearing a cock suit. He had flyers in one hand and one hand behind his back. Probably because his anus was still sore from the recent buttsechs he has been having lately.

" Captian Buttsexs and i are starting a new business called the anal trian" Brian said wearily.

As brian handed him the flyer he thought of all the delicious anal intrusions that he would be having on this 'Anal Trian'.

"What are you meant to be anyway?" AnusPuncher asked.

"Why im a Penissaursrex my good sir" Brian said happily

"Well here is your complementary stingray shard" brian said as he passed AnusPuncher a long instrument.

"GET OVER HERE BRIAN!" a booming voice in the background yelled.

"I WANT YOU ON MY SHAFT! NOOOOWWWWW!" the voice screamed.

"Well i have to go now" Brian muttered. "I have a booty call with CAPTAIN BUTTSEXS" he said proudly

As brian walked away he knew that his ADVENTURE has only just began.