Boring Equestria

by Bendy

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1906

Princess Twilight Sparkle wakes up to find herself in an alternate Equestria, where everypony is nice, nothing ever bad happens and everything is just 'perfect'. Naturally the place bores her to death.

Princess Twilight Sparkle wakes up to find herself in an alternate Equestria, where everypony is nice, nothing ever bad happens and everything is just 'perfect'.

Naturally the place bores her to death.

Published 2014-06-20 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-20 17:20:01 UTC

Welcome To Boring Equestria

In a world of painfully bright colors where even at night this place would give one an eye sore, due to the cartoon like brightness of this world. Especially if one saw the bright pastel colors that illuminated the surrounding darkness in the form of a weird, yet actual physical manifestation of literally a rainbow.

Anyway, a soft cool breeze blew through the strange lavender night sky, which caused the green leaves of a large oak tree to gently shake by the wind's touch.

Around the tree most of the surrounding buildings were thatched houses, the odd one with a tiled roof. It was sort of a medieval like town, but was a lot cleaner than the average medieval town and it had many modern appliances like toilets and showers.

Many pink love hearts were painted on the side of houses, and there were other strange things like a house that looked like it was made of gingerbread and candy.

The town was called Ponyville, which was a terrible pun for a name, considering the bizarre pastel alien pony people that inhabited it.

The oak tree near the center of town had such a thick trunk that a place of knowledge was carved into the tree itself. The knowledge, history of this world and fictional stories were categorized by text. In the odd place there was small specs of dust covering little areas along wooden shelves. These shelves were lined neatly with the very things in which the text was written, these rectangle shaped objects were known as books.

The books were divided in perfect alphabetical order on the shelves, and also divided by genre and age rating. Books of an explicit nature and generally not fit for young eyes to read were safely locked away in a bright purple wooden chest.

This was of course a library. But not just a library, for this tree had several floors and was in fact a home.

Upstairs there was a strange, lavender colored, feminine in appearance being that was fast asleep. The creature was breathing softly in her sleep under a light blue blanket on a large queen sized bed. The blanket was themed with several dark blue spiraling galaxies.

This being was known as a 'pony' by their kind. The pony in question, like everypony else on this planet didn't really look like your average pony. For starters this heart attack cute cartoon pony had beautiful wings, a unicorn's horn sticking out from her forehead, large forward facings eyes that were as big as basketballs, hooves capable of grasping objects. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, and she was an alicorn, though her type of pony were often romantically referred to as a 'princess' most of the time.

Nothing of noteworthy happened for the next several hours, other than Twilight shifting position
slightly a few times in her asleep or her mumbling something incomprehensible.

Until she opened her eyes...

***

Twilight slowly opened her eyes, followed by yawning briefly, before inexplicably her eyes widen along with her jaw dropping.

"Huh! I'm back in the Golden Oak Library?" she said with a low voice in awe.

Twilight jumped out of bed and began pacing around the room deep in thought. "This is not possible! This has to be a dream!" She slapped herself across the face. "Ow! No this is not real! Tirek destroyed this place yesterday!"

She trotted down the stairs, when she came down the stairs what she saw nearly made her eyes pop out.

"No no no! This is not logical," she shouted.

Across the room from her stood another Twilight smiling broadly and wagging her tail excitedly in greeting. However, this Twilight did not possess wings.

"Oh good morning me, did you sleep well last n--

"Ahhhaaaa!" Alicorn Twilight screamed as she placed her hooves over her head while her eyes darted rapidly from side to side. "Am I going insane?!"

The alicorn was in such a panic that she was already hyperventilating. However, the other Twilight continued to smile stupidly with glee and remained completely oblivious to the stressed alicorn.

"No no no! This is definitely not possible! How are you me?!" Her horn charged with magical power. "Are you a Changeling?" she shouted while she pointed a hoof at her other self accusingly.

"What's a Changeling?" the other asked curiously.

"What do you mean what's a Changeling? Are you stupid or something?!"

The other Twilight brought a hoof over her mouth whilst she gasped in shock.

"Did you...." her ears drooped back as she frowned, "did you just call me stupid?" she said in a low voice as her lip quivered along with her eyes beginning to become moist.

"Uhhh.... yes." she said nervously as she gave her a strained smile.

The unicorn's whole body before her had suddenly began to tremble as she shook like a leaf along with her legs wobbling like jelly, all the while rivers of tears fell down upon her face.

"Uh, are you OK?" she asked with a look of concern etched on her face as she took two steps toward the shaking unicorn.

A moment later the other Twilight fell on the floor as she whaled in misery, so many tears were streaming down her face that already a puddle of tears was forming on the floor underneath her.

"How.... how could you say such a thing? Ponies don't say mean things ever! Why are you so mean!?" she screamed in anguish as Princess Twilight with her eyes wide just simply stared at the distraught unicorn in utter confusion. "You hurt my feelings! I've never been so sad in my entire life!"

"Oh, stop being such a crybaby," she said crossly as she rolled her eyes.

"I'M NOT A CRYBABY!" she shouted defensively.

With a hoof over her eyes Princess Twilight sighed as the unicorn began wailing even louder as she rolled along the floor while kicking her hooves, as a result she splashed her 'tear water' all over Princess Twilight, due to the massive puddle of her own tears beneath her.

"Alright! I'm sorry! Just please stop crying!" she shouted.

Suddenly she stopped crying, followed by jumping back onto her hooves with a big smile on her face as if nothing happened.

"I forgive you friend."

"Um, I'm not sure if I could call you a friend just yet."

"Wh... What?" she said in a low voice as her eyes began to water again."You aren't my friend?"

"Hah... oh, um I was just kidding! Of course you are my friend." she said nervously while straining a forced smile.

The seemingly unnatural smile returned to the unicorn's face.

"Oh... You almost made me cry again there. I'm glad it was just a joke."

Twilight rubbed her forehead. "So, am I in some sort of parallel universe now?"

Twilight felt as if her skeleton nearly jumped out of her body when her other self had suddenly lunged forward and wrapped her hooves around her.

"Yes and we'll be best friends forever and ever!" she shouted excitedly.

"Uhh, sure," she said nervously as she scratched the back of her neck. "Incidentally, how can I get home?"

The other Twilight backed away while gasping in shock.

"Why would you want to go home? Your world is horrible and your ponies are evil and mean!"

"I beg your pardon, "Twilight narrowed her eyes angrily,"my world is not horrible and most ponies are good and not mean!"

"But your world is not perfect like my world."

"Perfect, as like everypony is nice in your world?

"Yes. Everypony is nice in our world. Nopony ever did a bad thing ever."

"What about King Sombra or Tirek?"

"Of course, those two own a flower shop and sell daffodils here."

"Is there any crime?"

"Nope. Everypony is a morally good pony and no pony ever does a bad thing ever."

"Give me a history book now!" she shouted.

The other Twilight levitated a book toward her, which was entitled 'Our Perfect History'.

_____

The world was created by Princess Celestia and everypony was happy and nothing ever bad happened.

The End
_____

"See, our history is perfect and nopony ever did anything bad ever."

"How is that possible? Is this some sort of wish fulfillment fantasy land made real? Do you have any more books?"

"Nope. That's the only book in existence."

"You're lying! This is a library!" she shouted.

"Yes, but all the books are blank."

"So you stagnated yourselves.... How can you be even intelligent?"

"Magic."

"Did you ever have a war ever?"

"No, because friendship is magic."

"Righttt. How do you know there isn't going to be a great cataclysm in the future?"

"I know, because magic and nothing ever bad happens here."

"How can you know? What if there's some hostile alien species out there?"

"First, there are no aliens in our universe, second if there was Celestia's magic would protect us."

"But how do you know there's not any hostile alien species out there?"

"Magic," Princess Twilight sighed in response. "Can't you see that everything is perfect here? Why would you want to go back?"

"Well, I miss my friends and general every day drama. Makes me feel alive you know."

"Hey I feel alive, despite the fact I'm one of the first ponies Celestia ever created, thus I'm nearly as old as time itself."

Twilight's face became pale.

"How... how is that possible?"

"Duh, everyone is immortal here and we all live happily ever after forever."

"If everypony is immortal, do you suffer from overpopulation? If so, how do you feed everypony?"

"Magic."

"OK, how do you stop the world from being overflowed with bodies?"

"By making the world bigger with magic and making more Equestrias."

"OK, how do you stop gravity going to bone crushing levels due to you increasing the size of your planet?"

"Magic."

"How do you keep Equis habitable? Surely-

"Magic."

"How do you entertain yourselves?"

"Magic."

"How do you maintain an economy if you use magic to fix everything? Wouldn't Earth Ponies be angry that their livelihoods are ruined due to your overuse of magic?"

"We fix it with magic."

Twilight sighed burying her face into her hooves.

"How do you keep sane?"

"Magic."

"What's the point of living?"

"Magic."

"Stop saying that!"

"But magic fixes everything!"

"Right. So you live in an endless loop of eternal happiness, with no drama nor struggle for anything that goes on forever and magic fixes everything?"

"Yep."

"Forgive me, but that sounds boring."

"You really are evil aren't you?"

"No, I just don't want to die of boredom. You may be content to live here forever and ever, but not me. I don't want to be surrounded by Mary Sues forever."

"But life is perfect when you don't have to struggle for anything."

"No. That just makes life boring and utterly pointless."

"But.... but but... magic."

"AHHHAAAAAAA! CAN I PLEASE JUST GO HOME NOW BEFORE I GO INSANE!" she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice as her mane went on fire and eyes glowed bright red.

The other Twilight sighed.

"Alright fine." she said sadly.

She flashed her horn and with a blinding flash of light Princess Twilight had disappeared.

***

Twilight reappeared in the middle of what had once been her library with a big smile on her face.

"At last, freedom from that overly perfect world."

The End