The Lyra Show

by Pyrotechnic

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 1024

Lyra has her own TV show. What does she do with this crazy power? Well, for one thing she abuses it and sets out to completely mess up Ponyville

Join Lyra, a somewhat normal background pony as she deals with the situations of those around her. Too bad life has it out for her and annoys her and her best friend Bon-Bon.

This story is rated (im)Mature for some heavy topics. This includes things a sane person, or someone who is in public wouldn't deal with or joke about ordinarily. Some of it is borderline inappropriate considering I am 24 and writing something like this.

Triggers: Foal Murder, Necrophilia, Blood and Gore, Stalkers, Strong Graphic Language, Murder, coprophilia, Watersports and other stupid things that normal people don't like or get interested in. These are jokes only. Half of this shit isn't even my fetish or anything and will only be referenced or mildly engaged in. Please don't get your panties (or assorted pant based product) in a twist cause this has shit humor or pee jokes.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-24 21:27:53 UTC

Episode List

Pilot

Introduces the insanity by having Lyra answering a few letters of fan mail. Nothing special!

Episode 1: Teacher Feature:

TV: MA: DLSV

Lyra helps out Cheerelee with teaching the little ones. Sure they ask Lyra annoying questions she would rather not answer or assume things about Bon-Bon that are simply not true. It clearly doesn't help her patience when the school's budget fails to mention that their damned school house is falling apart. Good thing Lyra can rely on a curious Changeling named Mentia to keep her sanity in check.

Guest Stars: Mentia the Changeling and a brief appearance of Bon-Bon

Episode 2: Discord Terrors:

TV MA: DLSV

Lyra is called to the castle to help Shining Armor whip his recruits into shape (literally) but when she stumbles upon a reformed Discord, old fears and wounds are called to the surface.

Guest Star: Discord

Episode 3: Bank Dilemma:

TV MA: LV

Bon-Bon notices that her and Lyra are having money troubles. Mentia takes a lot of money to take care of and despite the changeling insisting otherwise, they decide that they can't delay it any further. Lyra reunites the old gang and they decide to rob Canterlot National Bank. It seems that the gang is back in action and Canterlot couldn't be any happier that the outlaws are back

Guest Stars: Vinyl Scratch, Lightning Dust, Mentia and Bon-Bon. Also features Octavia

Pilot

TV

MA

DSV

(Lyra sat alone facing the wall. She had a very pleasant smile on her face as she thought on what she could do with herself)

Lyra: So BonBon left me alone! I never thought she would do that after what happened with the ketchup and noodles last time. I heard that there was a show somewhere. Twilight and her marefriend went to the castle. I wish I can have a castle. That would be awesome.

(After awhile, Lyra began to grow bored with her random monologues)

Lyra: I am growing bored of my random monologues

(I just said that Lyra try to pay attention)

Lyra: I seem to be having a narrator now! What should I do Mr. Narrator!

(Don't ask me, you aren't supposed to hear the narr...)

Lyra: Do you think if you poke a rat in the penis I can win the lottery?

(What?)

Lyra: You heard me Narrator! I know you did!

(How?)

Lyra: I know all. For example did you know that I have a very intense rash on my va....

(Why are you telling me this?)

Lyra: Because I am soooooo bored and I figure I tell you about a rash on my privates to have something to do

(You can read fan mail,,, Maybe you got something interesting!)

Lyra: Yeah that's an awesome idea! I am totally not talking to voices only I can hear and hearing suggestions to do something!

(Keep telling yourself that)

Lyra: Okay.... First letter....

(What does it say?)

Lyra: I can't tell you if you interrupt me dammit

(Sorry)

Lyra: It's okay! You didn't know and it was a learning experien.... hey a penny that's good for at least five minutes of good luck!

(Just read the damn letter!)

Lyra: Fine..... *ahem* Dear Lyra, I am so madly in love with you that I think of you constantly. I clop to a picture.... of you at .... the prom and I think you are pretty. Love, a stalker

(Damn, that's pretty creepy! What are your thoughts?)

Lyra: Boy I can sure use a good sandwich right about now. Getting creepy fan mail makes me.... I wonder if Bon Bon gets mail like this.

(Why don't you read another letter and try not to distract yourself further)

Lyra: *munching on a daisy sandwich* Dear Lyra, How do I send this letter out to you?

(......)

Lyra: .........

(uh....)

Lyra: You... you... just did..... Congratulations for fulfilling you life's goal!

(Not what I would have said)

Lyra: Next Letter.... Dear Lyra, I have been following you for months. I follow you into the restroom and watch you pee. I think I love you, please go out with me!

(.....)

Lyra: That is beyond creepy and there is no name on the letter. I am going to huddle in a corner and cry...... Would you like anything from the fridge before I go panic?

(No thanks.... you take care of what you need to do..... lock your doors as well and make sure you don't go in front of any windows)

Lyra: I am not a coward, I don't need to avoid sunlight.

(... but you said you were going to huddle in a corner and cry!)

Lyra: That was what I wanted you to think!

(what?)

Lyra: I am secretly going to get Mr. Friendly from the closet and go outside my house. I will then proceed to get very violent with any weirdos out of my door. No one stalks me without my permission.

(Stalking means you follow your target without their knowledge. Doing it with permission ruins everything that good stalking stands for)

Lyra: Don't get technical with me! Now try not to tell anyone I am going to stalk my stalker

(I can't... All I can do is keep you company)

Lyra: Fine whatever! Now, where did I leave my machete?

(Damn, you have a machete just to kill creepy ponies?)

Lyra: Maaaayyyybe! *innocence*

*sounds of screams come from the outside and random shuffling noises*

Lyra: Yes, be right back!

(You can't just....)

????: Oh god I just wanted to clop to you Lyra!!! Please don't ki..... wait what are you doing? No get away from me... Where are you sticking that... oh god no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *pain*

(You feel better now Lyra)

Lyra: *blood stained* Don't fuck with Lyra! If you fuck with Lyra, I will stick a machete up your dick!

(What if they don't have one! Don't be sexist!)

Lyra: *wide bloody grin* You don't want to know! *cheerful as she wipes blood off* Ohh Bon Bon is almost home! Why don't I make some cookies and go take her on a picnic ^_^ Lalalalalalalala

Cue Credits