Discord sat in his thinking tree, his head in his hands. He looked out over the acre of Equestria, Celestia had given him where he was allowed to release his chaos unfettered. Usually he took pride in turning the pathways to soap, making lawns of multicoloured, patchwork grass and his personal favourite, chocolate milk showers falling from cotton candy clouds. Today however, he had made the land look like a particular part of Equestria.
It was a little clearing on the edge of a forest, a babbling brook with a little bridge over it. A winding dirt path that led through a grassy, flower filled meadow up to the cottage door. Many birdhouses took up all the available branch space in the nearest trees, and animal homes were hidden amongst the grass. The cottage itself looked almost as if it had grown out of the land. It was the perfect replica of Fluttershy’s cottage and garden. He couldn’t figure out why he’d made his little pocket of chaos look this way.
He didn’t want to think about Fluttershy at the moment, not because the delicate yellow pegasus had done anything to hurt him, but because he had hurt her. He’d hurt her and he’d meant to hurt her at the time. He’d betrayed all of his so-called friends, but they had never been friendly to him. Fluttershy however, had gone out of her way to show him kindness. Writing him letters, keeping him informed of what everypony was up to, and inviting him to tea so often he sloshed.
He had liked having tea with Fluttershy and he’d thrown it back in her face.
“Tirek offered me so much more than just tea parties. Surely you saw this coming?”
His taunting voice echoed in his mind and he closed his eyes, turning his head away from the quiet woodland scene, just as he’d turned away as Tirek sucked the magic out of his friends. Out of Fluttershy…
He’d felt it then, that first twinge of… He wasn’t sure what the feeling was. He’d never felt it before. He felt as if…as if he were making a bad choice. Of course it had proved to be a bad choice because no sooner was he powerful enough than Tirek had stripped Discord of his own power.
“Surely you saw this comin’?” Applejack had asked, throwing his own words back at him that he’d so callously used on Fluttershy mere moments before.
“I didn’t. I truly didn’t.” He’d replied, feeling so lost, so hurt as he clung onto that worthless bit of metal.
“I didn’t. I really didn’t.” Fluttershy’s voice echoed in his head, the tears had streamed down her face as she clung to Applejack.
The honest earth pony had given him an angry look; it had more heat behind it than all the other times she’d looked at him in anger. In the moment of Tirek’s betrayal, of the hurt he’d felt in his heart, he’d suddenly known why Applejack had been angry with him. Now looking back he was angry with himself, how could he hurt Fluttershy in that way? That poor kind pony had really meant to be his friend, how could he cause her pain, like a knife to the heart?
He felt a pain in his own heart now as he remembered Fluttershy crying her eyes out. The tears running in streams down her face, but she didn’t make any noise beyond accusing him, she hadn’t even made that usual little whimper of her own name. Her crying had been silent and somehow that was worse.
He snapped his eagle claw and the scenery changed, but not to his preferred chaotic aesthetic, he didn’t deserve to have a corner to call his own. Strange, why did he feel that way? He’d always assumed that everything should be how he wanted it, and if he couldn’t get everything he wanted, he’d push his limits to get as much as he could. Why didn’t he want to make his chaotic sanctuary chaotic? Why had he made it look like the Labyrinth of Canterlot where he’d spent eons trapped in stone, the neatness around him making him chafe? Now he made his sanctuary look like this? Was he trying to punish himself?
Discord gasped at that thought as he straightened up and looked around at the neat little lawn amongst the hedges with the statues representing different pony aspects. There was one plinth that was empty however. He glided down from the tree and floated over to it. He circled it a few times, ah yes he knew it well. It had been home for a thousand years. Without thinking he stood on top of it and struck the pose in which he’d been imprisoned the first time, only he wasn’t laughing this time, it seemed such a mockery.
He slumped down with a sigh before sitting down on the plinth.
“What is wrong with you?” He demanded. “You are the Spirit of Chaos, are you really going to let ponies make you harmonious?”
But wasn’t that what Tirek had said? Friendship was just another form of imprisonment, and Discord had been ready to throw down the shackles. But friendship could be cruel; once it had a place in your heart it changed you. Even when you thought you still wanted to rule Equestria in glorious chaos, it crippled you, blinded you to betrayal as you sought it in the worst place imaginable. Why had he been so stupid? It was the oldest bad guy trick in the book; manipulate the other guy until you didn’t need him anymore. Discord would have invented that trick if he’d ever needed anybody to help him rule.
He’d been seeking friendship while still being allowed to be his full chaotic self. He’d been foolish to think Tirek was offering him friendship and foolish to forget that Fluttershy didn’t abhor his chaos. She didn’t mind if he relaxed in front of her and let his powers run free as long as it didn’t hurt anypony. Their tea parties had been more than teacups and cucumber sandwiches around Fluttershy’s dinner table in her cottage or outside at her picnic table when the weather was good. On the contrary, their tea parties had been so much more than that.
They’d had tea under water, although Discord had to create a bubble for them or Fluttershy would have drowned, but she’d enjoyed watching the fish swim around them in glimmering shoals. Naturally the shark had given her a fright, but Discord had promised to protect her from it. They’d had tea in the middle of a chocolate rainstorm, Fluttershy giggling but declining as Discord offered her some of the sticky, chocolate filled cotton candy clouds. Why they’d even gone to the surface of the moon once, and although the view of the world was amazing it had been too cold for Fluttershy and the lunar surface had been too boring for Discord. He had no idea how Luna had managed to spend a thousand years there without going completely insane. He’d found the Canterlot Gardens tedious, but at least there were ponies passing by that he could reach out to with his chaos once in a while.
Their friendship had been more than tea parties, much more and he’d thrown it all away.
No he hadn’t, because Fluttershy was too kind for her own good. He’d let her down, hurt her so badly, but he said sorry and she forgave him. He’d felt happy in those hours following Tirek’s defeat. His betrayal proved useful in the end, because Princess Twilight said he was her friend even after he’d sold out everypony in Equestria. She’d called him her friend without hesitation, and how many times had she said it so grudgingly before? It had been the spark Discord needed, he’d been wrong about Twilight, she did want to be his friend; she just didn’t have Fluttershy’s patience to deal with the more colourful side of his personality. Still she’d considered him enough of a friend to demand that Tirek released him. Discord was able to give her that worthless piece of metal, only it wasn’t worthless anymore. It represented Discord’s sincere friendship and it became the key she needed, the thing that gave her and her friends access to the powers of harmony once again. He’d given them the key to his own destruction should he step out of line again.
That was beside the point, he hadn’t thought of it at the time. He only thought of the fact that the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony now had the Rainbow of Light at their disposal. It could defeat Tirek and reverse all the damage he had done. Restoring all the magic to their rightful owners, including Discord’s own chaotic magic. That did worry him a little, why would the Tree of Harmony give him back his power? It seemed to confirm what he’d always suspected, as chaotic as he could be, he was still needed, for it was the irony of harmony. Without the opposing force of chaos there was no true harmony because there wasn’t an equal balance. He didn’t like the thought that the Tree had plans for him, but on the other claw it gave him a place in Equestria, and he needed to know that right now.
He felt lost once the celebrations were over. He’d been accepted by all of the Bearers, even Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and they’d always been the most aggressive toward him. He’d even joked with them about their new thrones, and Fluttershy had chastised him playfully. Everything had been so light and easy in those moments, and he returned home feeling elated.
Then it started. That gnawing in his mind, the feel of nausea in his stomach. He found it hard to sleep, he’d gone off cotton candy and chocolate milk all together and whenever he tried to change the landscape around him he couldn’t conjure up a single floating fish, or a pie that fell to the sky. It was always Fluttershy’s glade, or this, his former prison. There had to be an answer.
He heard somepony clear their throat and he raised his head to see a grey pegasus mare with crooked yellow eyes standing on the grass in front of him. She was wearing a messenger bag and a mail pony uniform.
“Mr Discord?” She asked.
“You need to ask?” Discord replied, raising a bushy eyebrow.
“I was told it was important that I give this to only Mr Discord.” The pegasus said firmly.
“I’m Discord, Spirit of Chaos, do you want to see my passport?” He asked, making an Equestrian standard passport appear in his claw, he was poking out his tongue in the photo.
“No. I’ll take your word for it.” The mare said cheerfully. “There’s a letter for you.” She said and pulled it out of the messenger bag with her wing before taking it in her mouth to pass to Discord. “I’ve ot do waith for or weply.” She said.
Discord removed the letter from her mouth.
“Could you repeat that please? I’m a trifle deaf.” He said, before tapping the side of his head and jelly, custard, cream and sprinkles fell out of his other ear.
The pegasus gave a snorting laugh before repeating, “I’ve got to wait for your reply.”
“Very well, have some refreshments in the meantime.” Discord said clicking his eagle claw and a table laden with muffins and milk appeared in front of the mail pony.
“Mmm muffins.” The mare said before tucking in.
Discord ignored her as he looked at the envelope. He recognised Fluttershy’s writing immediately and flew over to a secluded area of the garden before he tore the letter open. He held the paper up in front of him, not daring to read it at first. But really, what was the worst it could say?
He took a deep breath and focused on the letter.
Dearest Discord
Well that was a good start. A letter that started that way couldn’t be a letter to end a friendship. Right?
It’s been three weeks since that awful business with Tirek and I haven’t seen you. Or heard from you. We’re supposed to have tea every Thursday, but you haven’t shown up. Have I done something to upset you? Oh, I hope not, we are still friends right? I know you think my tea parties are boring, but I enjoy your company and would like you to come visit with me again. Even Angel Bunny is missing you, he doesn’t like to admit it, but he is.
This is why I have decided to write to you, to invite you to tea. It’s Thursday so it will be this afternoon at four as usual. I’m going to ask Miss Do if she’ll wait to bring me your answer back. She’s a kind pony so I’m certain she will.
I would be ever so glad if you would come to tea this afternoon, or at least write to me. I’m worried you might be sick again. Rainbow Dash said it was stupid, that you were only faking the last time and you only got sick because of the tatzlwurm, but you might have run into another one. Oh dear, I hope you’re not sick. If you are let me know and I’ll be around with some lovely warm soup and lots of caring until you are better.
Please respond.
Your dearest friend
Fluttershy
Discord read over the letter three more times, and every time he grew angrier. Not with Fluttershy, in the past he may have done, how dare a pony have the audacity to address him in such a casual manner? He realised that he was angry with himself that he was causing her pain once again. She thought she was to blame for his silence, but he’d decided to stay away, to give her time to realise just what a bad friend he was. Hoping that she would turn her back on him, as he deserved. Yet here she was, imploring him to be friends once more, to respond. She was giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking he might be ill. Oh no, he couldn’t let Fluttershy think she was being a bad friend, but he had been a bad friend and he didn’t deserve someone as kind and considerate as Fluttershy.
“Mr Discord? It’s getting close to noon and I got other messages to deliver.” The mare, Miss Do, said hesitantly.
“Of course you have, and how rude of me to keep you waiting.” Discord replied as he floated back to her.
“Is something wrong?” She asked.
“I…I’m feeling something I’ve never felt before.” He admitted, right now he would take the advice of anypony.
“What?”
“If I knew I wouldn’t have to ask.” Discord snapped.
The grey mare gave him a level look despite her wandering eyes.
“Tell me what the feeling feels like and maybe I’ll know.” She suggested.
“Well, I have this knot in my tummy.” He said, and in a flash his body was tied in a knot. “I have this pain, right here whenever I think of Fluttershy crying in the cage.” He added, pointing at his heart. “And I can’t conjure up chaos, only places that make me feel bad.”
“Well I’m not sure about the conjuring, that’s more a unicorn thing.” Miss Do observed. “But the knot in your tummy and the pain in your heart, are you, maybe, feeling guilty?”
“Hello! Spirit of Chaos! Guilt is for other ponies.” He said gruffly.
“Really?” Miss Do asked.
“Yeah. It’s for those poor saps who actually care about other ponies.” Discord chortled, then stopped as it finally clicked. “Those who care about other ponies.” He repeated in more sombre tones.
“Do you care about Fluttershy?” Miss Do asked.
“I do.” Discord said sincerely.
“But you did a bad thing Mr Discord, and you can’t deny it.” She said firmly. “I was there on the front line with the Wonderbolts. I did all I could to stop Tirek, but you just stood there, letting him get power. You stood there when he stole magic from all manner of ponies. And I bet you stood there when he took the magic from Fluttershy and her friends. Your friends.” She finished, pointing an accusing hoof at the draconequus.
Discord looked away.
“Ponies think I’m stupid because of my eyes, but I’m not. I see things the same as anypony else and I know things the same as anypony else and I can sense a guilty conscience like anypony else.” She said firmly.
“Perhaps better than most ponies.” Discord suggested.
Miss Do shrugged.
“Could it be that I feel guilty?” Discord wondered, rubbing his chin with his claw.
“Do you love Fluttershy?” Miss Do asked.
“Love is such a strong term.” Discord stammered.
“I love all my friends.” Miss Do said.
“Then yes, I love Fluttershy, she is the most dearest of friends to me.” Discord said with a sincerity that surprised even him.
“But you hurt her.”
“I did.” He admitted, drooping down to the floor.
“And now you feel bad because somepony hurt your friend really badly, but you can’t make them pay cause it was you. So you’re trying to punish yourself. That’s why your chaos isn’t working. You don’t think you deserve it, and you don’t think you deserve Fluttershy.”
“I…I suppose.” Discord replied, it was something he’d realised himself, he just hadn’t realised there was a word for it.
“But does Fluttershy think you don’t deserve her?” Miss Do asked.
“I don’t know.” Discord admitted.
“Don’t you think you should ask her?”
“From her letter I would say she still wants to be friends.” Discord said with a frown.
“Well if you keep away from her when she wants to be friends, aren’t you hurting her as well as hurting you?”
“Miss Do, I think you’re right.” Discord declared.
“Derpy.” Miss Do said.
“Excuse me?” Discord asked.
“All my friends call me Derpy.” She replied with a smile.
“Then Derpy, I think you’re right.” He said with a nod before holding out his paw. “Now give me your bag.”
“Why?” Derpy asked, backing away slightly.
“They have to be delivered and I can do it in a click of a claw, but I need to see where they are going.” He said, as he gestured for her to give it to him.
“It’s ok Mr Discord.” She said, shaking her head, causing her yellow hair to fall into her eyes.
“Given that we are friends now Derpy I think we can dispense with the ‘Mr’.” Discord said, making air quotes.
“Ok, Discord.” Derpy replied. “If you’ll just give me your reply I can get on. But I got to deliver everything myself. I have to make sure they get there or I can’t sign my sheet.”
“Well if you insist.” Discord said. “But there’s no need to take a reply.”
“But Fluttershy…” Derpy began.
“I think some letters are better hoof delivered.” Discord said with a small smile.
“Oh, right.” Derpy said and winked. “Well I’ll see you around Discord.”
“Not before I see you, friend.” Discord replied.
Derpy saluted before she took to the air.
“Now.” Discord thought as he sat down and a chair appeared behind him, a desk with a piece of parchment and quill in front of him. “What to say…”
He thought for a while, and then began to write…
My Dear Sweet Fluttershy
I am so sorry I’ve neglected you, I should not have done. I’ve been feeling guilty for my part in Tirek’s uprising, most of all for the pain I caused you. I was wrong to belittle our friendship, but I was blinded by the belief that I could be the chaotic tyrant once more. I know it’s not really an excuse, but I couldn’t help myself, and I was a bad draconequus. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to join Tirek. To not let him hurt you.
I may as well have hog-tied and garnished you and left you out for the timberwolves. You should never forgive me, I don’t deserve such kindness. Even in my guilt I’ve hurt you further by not recognising that I felt guilty sooner. It took Miss Do to point it out to me.
However, you seem willing to overlook my transgressions. I think you should punish me in some way, but I would be a worse friend than I already have been if I were to punish you too. If you want me to come to tea this afternoon then it would be an honour to attend.
Forever your friend
Discord
He folded the letter and placed it in an envelope before he teleported to Fluttershy’s cottage. He was about to walk up to the door but he didn’t feel ready to face her. He considered for a moment and then transformed himself to look like Derpy. He held the letter in his mouth since he no longer had digits, honestly how did the ponies manage?
He reached Fluttershy’s door and knocked. There was a shadow at the window, Angel Bunny looking out before Fluttershy checked her peephole. Then the door opened and Fluttershy gave him a nervous look.
He stretched out his neck, offering the letter. Fluttershy looked scared for a moment, but then she took it and read the letter in front of him. It was something he had hoped she would do. Finally she lowered the letter and looked him in the eye.
“Do you really want to wait until four, or shall we have our tea now?” She asked.
Discord didn’t know what to say.
“Do you really want to make it up to me Discord?”
“How did you know it was me?” He asked.
“First of all, Derpy never watches over anypony when they’re reading their mail.” Fluttershy explained. “And secondly, she doesn’t have bushy eyebrows.” She added with a giggle.
“Drat!” Discord said, popping back to his normal appearance.
“Why did you disguise yourself as Derpy?” Fluttershy asked.
“I didn’t want you to know it was me if you didn’t like my response.” Discord admitted.
Fluttershy looked up at him for a moment before dropping her head sadly.
“You did hurt me.” She said.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.” Fluttershy murmured. “But you made it perfectly clear my friendship meant nothing to you.”
“I was an idiot.” Discord stated.
“Yes you were.” Fluttershy said, her voice faltering slightly.
“Have you been taking lessons from Applejack?” Discord joked and Fluttershy giggled before becoming serious once more.
“Yes you hurt me, and in the meanest way you possibly could, but sometimes friends make mistakes. Even big mistakes, but as long as everything turns out ok in the end then mistakes can be forgiven. More importantly they can be forgotten. By me, but not by you. You can’t forget what you did, you have to remember it forever so the next time you want to go off throwing chaos around with somepony evil, you’ll remember how you made me feel, and how that made you feel afterwards, and you’ll tell them, ‘no’.” Fluttershy said in a firm voice before she giggled. “I never thought I’d be the pony to tell the Spirit of Chaos to be more assertive, but you should have been.”
“I will always remember.” Discord promised sincerely. “I never want to feel guilty again.”
“And you won’t.” Fluttershy said, placing a gentle hoof to his cheek. “As long as you remember our friendship is more than just tea parties you won’t.”
Discord smiled for a moment, before looking sad once more.
“But how can we just go back to how it was before? How can you ever trust me again?” He asked in a despondent voice.
“Trust has to be given, even to those who might not deserve it. If we don’t get a second chance how can we grow and become a better pony. Or draconequus?” She said with a smile and it was enough to make Discord smile, but he was still unsure.
“I still…” He began.
“Shhh….” Fluttershy urged, fluttering up to place a gentle hoof to his mouth. “It’s a second chance. So what I’m going to do is draw a line under what happened. As far as I’m concerned that pony who sided with Tirek was somepony else. It wasn’t my new friend Discord. This is our very first tea party.”
“But…” Discord protested.
“Can’t it be our first tea party?” Fluttershy asked, looking at him with her wide teal eyes.
“Are you certain?” Discord asked.
“Yes.” She said with a smile and a nod.
“Oh, well.” In a flash of light a tray of cucumber sandwiches appeared in his hands.
“Cucumber sandwiches?” Fluttershy asked. “How thoughtful. Please, come in, the tea won’t be long.” She added as she glided down to the floor and entered her cottage.
“Thank you Fluttershy.” Discord said with a bow before following her inside and the friends sat down for their very first tea party.
Author's Note
Thank you for reading all feed back is welcome.
