Lessons Are Boring...

by Derpyx0

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 2521

.....unless there's a violet princess involved... Rainbow has to listen to Twilight give a lecture about Ponyville's history, and all she can pay attention too is Twilight's soft, soft flank.

.....unless there's a violet princess involved. Twilight's giving the yearly lecture about Ponyville's history, and everypony is basically required to attend. Every year the lecture is stupid and boring, and Rainbow Dash can't believe she has to waste an hour and a half of her life on this crap. But maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time it'll be cool, since Rainbow's awesome friend Twilight is in charge of it! Or maybe it'll be as boring as ever.

Hey guys, Derpy 2 here! So, I just wanted to say, this is a little story I'm writing to relieve stress and to get my "creative juices" flowing... So, basically, this fic isn't here for quality or enjoyment (I don't know what possessed me to post this in the first place...), but if you do enjoy it, awesome.

Published 2014-06-24 03:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-05 18:38:17 UTC

PLEASE READ

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! I've been on an eight day camping trip! I should have some chapters out soon!

-Derpy 2

Stalking That Violet Princess I Was Talking About

Rainbow yawned as the light of the sun hit her face. Outside, she could hear the birds chirping and the sing-song sound of the wind blowing. Rainbow yawned again and opened her eyes. She immediately closed them. "Who the hay left the blinds open?" Rainbow yelled to nopony in particular. Rainbow grumbled as she made herself get out of bed. Waking up was never, ever her strong point. Then, Rainbow remembered everything from last night. "Twilight!" she yelled. "Where's Twilight? I need to know! Is Edward a vampire or not?" Rainbow remembered the other half of that night, as well. "Oh, and I need to sta- follow and copy Twilight's every move. Now, seriously, where did I put that book?"

~~~~~~

Rainbow flew to Twilight's treehouse/tree library. Looking inside Twilight's bedroom window, she saw a clean room and a made bed.

Step One: Be Clean

Rainbow had brought a notebook so she could keep track of everything she needed to learn. But who was she kidding?

Step One: Be Clean

Step One: Be Not As Messy

Step Two: Get Up Before 10 o'clock

Reviewing her work, Rainbow gave a curt nod. That was more like it! Just as she was about to lift up her head to survey Twilight's room once more, she felt a sharp pain shoot through her muzzle as she was knocked backwards. "Woah! Hey? Who did that? What's your problem bu-" Rainbow was interrupted by another shot of pain.

"Rainbow? What are you doing outside Twilight's room? Oh, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry! Here, let me get you an ice pack," the voice said.

"S- Spike? Is that you? Oh, Spike! I'm so glad to see you! Do you know where Twilight is?"

"Where Twilight is? Rainbow, you need to get something on that muzzle!" Spike ordered.

"No, I don't, I'm fine. Now, where's Twilight?" Rainbow was lying. Her muzzle hurt like hell, but she needed to find Twilight!

"She's at Sugarcube Corner? Why?"

"No time to explain. Gotta go, bye!" With that, Rainbow shot off.

"Wierd," Spike said, "but whatever. Owlicious! Who wants to bake a caaaaake?" Spike asked in a sing song voice. Owlicious hooted. "Who? You, of course." Owlicious hooted once more and flew away. "I guess we're not doing this again. And jeez! You could have just said no."

~~~~~~

Rainbow finally found Twilight near Sugarcube Corner. So the unicorn wouldn't see her, she dived into a bush. Twilight turned at the sudden noise, but Rainbow was 110 percent sure that Twilight didn't see her. Rainbow got out her notebook and watched. Twenty minutes later, Twilight trotted out of Sugarcube Corner with a donut in hoof

Step Three: Eat Sweets

Step Four: Read Books

Step Five: Read Big Books

Rainbow nodded to herself. A couple more notes, and she would be ready for Twilight! She then realized that Twilight was on the go once more, so she flew off, notebook in hoof.

~~~~~~

Four hours later, Rainbow had a long list of "Egghead Stuff", which was basically just Twilight's day. Rainbow whipped out her notebook, ready to look over her notes.

Step One: Be Clean

Step One: Be Not As Messy

Step Two: Get Up Before 10 o'clock

Step Three: Eat Sweets

Step Four: Read Books

Step Five: Read Big Books

Step Six: Send Letters

Step Seven: Read More Books

Step Eight: Talk to Your Friends

Step Nine: Ignore The Cutie Mark Crusaders

Step Ten: Eat Some Apples

Step Eleven: Warily Glance Back Every Few Minutes

"Wow! That's a lot!" Rainbow exclaimed (after warily glancing behind herself, of course). In her saddlebag, Rainbow had stuffed some parchment (for sending letters), a big book, some apples, some sweets, and some roses. Taking deep breaths, Rainbow Dash approached Twilight. "Hey there, Twilight! Fancy seeing you here! I didn't know that you were going to be here! At all!" Talk to friends, check. "Hey, Twi, want an apple? Oh, and here's a donut!" Eat sweets and apples, check.

"Rainbow? What's this all abou-"

"And don't forget to read the fourth Harry Potter book! Oh, look, some dirt!" Rainbow flicked away the dirt. She then grinned up at Twilight. "I know I missed a few things, but-"

"RAINBOW DASH! What in the name of Celestia is going on here?! You have been following me around all day, and I have no idea why! And what is this all about? What is this stuff?"

"I... I... Um... Wait... You knew I was following you around this entire time?! Why didn't you talk to me?"

"I was curious. But this," Twilight gestured to all of Rainbow's research, "was not what I expected! What is all this stuff?"

"Your day," Rainbow mumbled.

"My what?"

"Your egghead stuff!" And like a broken dam, all of Rainbow's day came spilling out. "And then I thought that if I showed you all this stuff, you would like me and think I'm an egghead! But I guess I was wrong." Twilight blinked in astonishment. At a loss for words, Twilight just stared at Rainbow Dash. Her gaze then shifted to all of Rainbow's... things.

"You... you did all that... for me? But... but Rainbow... I like you just the way you are! Even if this is really sweet. I just... is there anything you brought that you didn't see me do... or eat today?" Dash's mouth hung open. All her work. Wasted. Thrown away. All because of this stupid violet princess. Now, Rainbow could have given Twilight the flowers, but her trance was gone. It was replaced by confusion and anger.

"Nope! 'Nothin! Bye, Twilight! I'm not into that mushy stuff, anyway. There is a new Daring Do comic out, however! And I'm into those! Enjoy your apples, Twilight!" With the final word, Rainbow Dash flew off, in search of a certain comic. Twilight was in shock. What had just happened? First, Dash loved her so much she had stalked her, then she turned right around into loving comics more than her! As not to let herself dwell upon confusing matters like love, Twilight Sparkle turned to Rainbow's stockpile. And then she saw the donut. Twilight picked it up and dusted it off.

And then she ate it.

That Violet Princess I Was Talking About

Rain poured down on Rainbow Dash's blue coat. She was freezing, but anything was better than going inside the library. It was like a death trap. Inside the library, witchcraft that Rainbow could only dream of (or have nightmares of) occurred. That witchcraft... was learning. To make things worse, it was history, Rainbow's least favorite subject!

Every year, the towns ponies had a presentation that highlighted the history of their dear, quaint town, Ponyville. And Rainbow Dash hated it. How could she not? It was a bunch of boring, egghead stuff that Rainbow wouldn't give a second thought about! And, to make this horrible nightmare worse, the lecture was on a Saturday. A weekend. A day not meant for school!

Not like it mattered; Rainbow Dash usually fell asleep during the lesson anyway. It was so boring, and Rainbow didn't usually understand the words on the screen. Her doctor had said that she had what was called "dyslexia", but Rainbow didn't care. She didn't need words to become a Wonderbolt. Speaking of that, she couldn't become a Wonderbolt if she was sick, and the light rain had turned into a heavy downpour. But she didn't want to go inside... Suddenly, Rainbow's friend Cloudkicker appeared. "Hey, Rainbow! What are you doing out in the cold? And the... pouring rain? Getting... all... wet?" Rainbow looked down at her coat, realizing how soaked she was. She also realized that Cloudkicker had offered her shelter under her umbrella, and Rainbow was grateful for the protection. The two made their way inside, receiving some weird looks from some ponies. Rainbow must have been so very wet, but she didn't care. It was just water. Besides, hadn't these ponies ever seen a very wet, almost drowned looking pegasus before? Sheesh! Some ponies would do anything for entertainment!

Ignoring the stares, Rainbow made her way to a seat reserved just for her up front. Next to her was Pinkie Pie, and on her other side sat Rarity. "Hey guys. There's rain. I'm wet. Soaking wet. Now that that's out of the way, can you please stop staring at me? Thanks." At her request, Rarity and Pinkie tore their eyes away from her sopping coat.

"Well, the presentation's starting. Pinkie, stop bouncing! Our Twilight is going to give a very important lecture! Show some respect!" Rarity scolded. Pinkie immediately stopped bouncing in her seat, but she didn't look very happy about it. Rainbow rolled her eyes. Pinkie was probably still going to find some way to have fun during this borefest. Rainbow closed her eyes, and just as she was about to fall asleep, Pinkie jabbed her hoof into Rainbow Dash's ribs.

"Dashie! Wake up! Twilight's about to start talking!" Pinkie announced quietly. Rainbow growled. Now she was never going to be able to sleep! She rolled her eyes for a second time, and focused her six-second attention span up front. Twilight was droning on and on about some "settlement" and "apples". Dash's eyes glazed over her friends, to see how they were reacting to this egghead stuff. Pinkie was slightly bouncing in her seat. Though she looked like she was staring at Twilight, she was surely off in some Pinkie Dreamland.

Seeing that Pinkie wouldn't provide her any entertainment, Rainbow moved her attention to Rarity. Like Pinkie, it looked as if she was listening to Twilight, but her eyes were glossed over and she gazed at one spot on the stage. The presentation must have been as boring as Rainbow Dash expected it to be. After examining everypony else, Rainbow concluded that Twilight's presentation must have been the most boring yet. Save for the Apples, Mayor Mare, and an earth pony stallion called Time Turner, ponies weren't paying much attention. Rainbow sighed and stared up at Twilight. She didn't understand half the egghead words she was using, but Dash couldn't find it in her heart to tune her friend out.

Rainbow shook her head, as if it would shake these thoughts out of her mind. but it didn't help. she didn't understand why she wasn't tuning her friend out! Why was that? Was it because Twi's her friend? She wasn't listening anyway. That wasn't why. Was it because she was interested? Rainbow almost laughed out loud. Her, the Rainbow Dash, fastest racer around, interested in history? That's a laugh! Was it because... Rainbow had to think for a minute, before she noticed that she wasn't hearing words, just Twilight's silky, smooth voice. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash noticed two things: Twilight's voice was beautiful, and her flank wiggling back and forth was just amazing. No thought Rainbow Dash. I can not be in love with such an egghead! Push it aside, Rainbow! Rainbow Dash's stubbornness helped her push aside her feeling for Twilight (and any pony she happened to lay her crimson colored eyes upon), but she couldn't stop staring at Twilight's beautiful flank. Rainbow Dash let out a small grunt of frustration. Love was so hard!

Still, Rainbow felt the sudden need to impress her friend, and she didn't know why. No, actually, she did. It had to be because of that flank. Though she didn't want to get all caught up in lovey dovey mushy stuff, Rainbow submitted herself to this urge. Decided, Rainbow tried to think of a plan to win over her friend. But thinking (as Dash decided) wasn't really her strong point. She didn't really think.... she just did. But that wouldn't work with Twilight, the thinker. So, how could she win over her dictionary for a friend? All of a sudden, it hit her. From everything she had learned in science, she learned that opposites don't attract. So, using that information, Rainbow would have to become a walking dictionary herself! Twilight loves impersonating! She does it in her bedroom every Friday night when she thinks no pony is watching (though Rainbow heard her under her breath call it "cosplay", whatever that was), so why not impersonate her? Rainbow high hoofed herself under the table. Her logic was flawless; she would have Twilight in no time! "And that was how Ponyville became the Ponyville it is today. Any questions?" Twilight finished. Rainbow thought out loud, "Wouldn't an egghead have questions? Nah, they would have all the answers!" Besides, Rainbow still needed to learn how to be an egghead. Then she shuddered. Rainbow would have to do research on a Sunday! "For a good cause" was the phrase Rainbow repeated over and over again in her head. Rainbow then saw Twilight walking over.

"So, how was it? I-" Twilight was about to say something else, but everypony cut her off with fake compliments.

"It was simply devine, Twilight!"

"The best darn speech ah've ever seen!"

"You made it really fun!"

"It was... nice."

"Hot. I uh, I meant, it was hot in here. He he, yeah, the speech thingy was really cool. Yeah." What are you doing, Dash? You don't need to be all cliche and flustered! Rainbow thought. Still, Rainbow thought, it was as if there was this glow around Twilight, as if her beauty was making her an angel. Rainbow Dash stopped her thought process momentarily. Since when was she all poetic? Oh Celestia, Twilight was making her an egghead! But wasn't that what she wanted? Ugh, being an egghead was so hard! Everything was so hard!

Epilogue

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that donuts are yummy. Oh, I also learned that Rainbow failed Science. Opposites attract, you idiot! Today, I was left for something better. Again. I hate you, Flash. Don't think I let that slide!

Sincerely Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that hard work is BS. It always gets thrown away by certain purple princess. Also, love sucks.

Sincerely,

Rainbow Dash

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I guess this explains why you are alone. And lazy. You still owe me 100 bits, by the way (Remember that poker game? Yeah.)

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Dear Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle,

Do I need to get involved, here?

Sincerely,

Princess Cadence

Dear Princess Cadence,

Hell NO!

Sincerely,

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle

Dear Everypony,

Are we really that annoying? Being annoying YA!

Sincerely,

The CMC

Dear The CMC,

Yes! Now go die in a fire!

Sincerely,

The cast of MLP:FiM and half the Brony fandom

Dear Spike,

Who

Sincerely,

Owlicious

Dear Owlicious,

Are we really dragging that joke out again?

Sincerely,

Spike

Meanwhile in Canterlot...

"Shit. Time to get out the guns. She's at it again." Flash said.

"YOU WILL BE MIIIIIINE!!" Twilight screamed

"We had sex once! Let it go!"

And everypony sang Let It Go.