Wander

by Jet Howitzer

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 7976

A new arrival to Equestria comes face to face with those in charge, and must come to terms with a new home.

Canterlot, once a place of great events and amazing ponies, has turned into a rather dull place, when seen next small towns like Ponyville. The ponies of Canterlot do not much mind the new found peace in their lives, but there are still those who yearn for excitement. Whisper is one such mare. Her life in the guard is a dull one, lacking entirely in the promised excitement when she had first signed up. Events within the city quickly change that, though, and she soon finds herself bearing witness to a moment of great significance in not only her life, but that of the Princesses, and Equestria itself.
Editing done by ReFro (That gloriously handsome bastard)
A submission for The Most Dangerous Game
The comedic element is minor, as of yet, but will see greater expansion in coming chapters.

Published 2014-06-27 03:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-27 03:20:03 UTC

Not All, but Some

Until just a few years ago, Canterlot was the center of nearly all significant activity within the glorious kingdom of Equestria. The many ponies living there, though, were quite content to have other places play host to the most exciting events. The chaos that often followed those events played havoc with the delicate schedules the nobility liked to stick to. Very few of them ever deviated from what was considered the noble norm and those few that did missed, sorely, the excitement that came from those amazing events.

There was, however, a swiftly approaching change coming to the idyllic city. Many historians have looked back upon the events detailed below, and have made great criticisms of how things were handled. Critics have endlessly debated what was said, but they have all the benefit of hindsight. And, really, that is all the difference in the world.

The events started just an hour after sunrise and were heralded by a slight shift in wind, unnoticed by all but three ponies within the city. Two of the ponies that noticed the wind merely dismissed it as an errant breeze that had simply escaped the notice of the weather brigade. The last pony that noticed it passed it off as the wake of a low flying pegasus, despite the fact that such an act was unlawful within the streets of the city, and that not a single pegasus was reported within the area.

Almost an hour later, several reports trickled into the offices of the city guard of a strange being wandering about the city. The distance between the origins of the sightings led the guard to dismiss the worries as nothing more than a hoax. And the fact that the reporters were of less than reputable standing did nothing to help the case. Unwilling to brush aside the reports, one pony brought together all of the reports and laid them out piece by piece. Discovering the path the strange being was supposedly taking, the mare took a partner with her, and they plunged into the streets of Canterlot, hoping to find nothing, but fearing that there might be another invasion on their doorstep.

It is here that the tale must take on a personal note, as all points beyond this were, ultimately, recorded either at the time or were taken as direct quotations afterwards. It is at this point that the true story will start.

17, June, 2 of the Fifth Era

“Are you sure that you read the reports right? What if the... thing... was going in the opposite direction? I mean, the reports all vary widely in their time of reporting, so it’s not like you know for sure which way it’s going.” Cuff, a relatively new recruit to the guard, stepped elegantly around a cluster of nobles that were going about their lives as normal. The unicorn, pale blue in color, had to pick up his pace for a moment to catch up to the mare he was following. “What if this is all just a wild goose chase, Whisper?”

Whisper merely snorted in annoyance as she navigated around the same group of nobles, her pace relentless, barely slowing as she worked through the busy streets. “If I’m wrong, we’ll simply have to go to the other possible spot the being is heading for.” Her name often led others to believe that she was a quiet or reserved pony, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The mare was a loudmouth, and often, but not always, spoke her mind in tactlessly short phrases. Her name came about when her parents realized that she could soar the skies silently, not even rustling the leaves of the trees that abounded near her home further to the south. “But I’m not wrong. The reports all seem to indicate movement in a certain direction.”

A large group of ponies barred the way of the guards for several moments, and that was all the chance that Cuff needed to catch up to his partner. “I’m just saying, Whisper, that you shouldn’t get your hopes up. Or something. I’ve known you for years, but I still can’t quite tell if you’re genuinely excited or if you’re nervous as Hades.”

“Both, actually.” The crowd quickly thinned, and the pair continued onwards, winding through several alleys to shave time off their trek. After several more minutes of navigation and pointless badgering from Cuff, the duo arrived at a small plaza that Whisper had designated as their starting point. “Okay, Cuff, we’re going to work this out intelligently. I’ll handle up to three blocks North and East of here. You get the South and the West. Use the four roads coming out to break things up. If you find something, handle it. If you can’t handle it, find me.” She hesitated for a moment, and then gestured at the stallion’s armor. “If it gets real bad, hit the panic button.”

The stallion nodded, but the conviction that Whisper wanted him to feel wasn’t quite there. “Do you think that’s really a possibility? I mean...” The stallion swallowed and looked Whisper in the eyes. “I won’t let you down, Whisper. I promise.”

“I know you won’t. Now, go see what you can find.” The stallion gave a quick salute and broke into an easy trot headed towards the southern avenue, his gait quickly taking him out of sight. The mare sighed, and then headed towards the Northern avenue, her gaze flitting about regularly, taking in as much as she could. After only a few moments of walking, she stopped and realized that she wasn’t going to find anything just sticking to the roads, or even looking at most of the alleys. She would have to look at them as someone, or something, else would look at them.

After spending several agonizing moments trying to figure out what kind of creature she might be searching for, she let out a swear, and simply plunged into the alley before her, certain that if something was truly worth noting she’d notice it. Her brisk pace took her through many alleys, and her keen eyes missed nothing as she searched. After finishing up an alley, she spotted something that seemed off, and she approached a set of garbage cans slowly, frowning when she realized that her hunch was nothing more than a cat moving between some bins.

As a sigh escaped her, she felt a presence draw up behind her, and she whirled in place, adrenaline flooding her body as instinct reared its head. Her wings snapped upwards, to increase her apparent size, and she felt every muscle in her body tense. Confusion was first among her reactions as she came to her senses, and realized that she was looking at something that she’d never seen before. During her defensive reaction, it had stumbled backwards, and was looking at her with what the mare could only assume was confusion, though she couldn’t begin to fathom how to read the facial clues. The creature was covered in cloth, that much was clear, but it’s sprawled out form seemed to defy her logical mind. It had limbs that were far too long and seemed to bend in ways that should hurt.

After several moments of inaction, the creature seemed to loosen up some, and Whisper let her wings begin to drop to her sides, their presence no longer required to make her seem more intimidating. A rumbling, rhythmic sound escaped the creature, and it took the mare a few moments to realize that it was attempting, and failing, to communicate. Whisper felt she had no choice but to point out the obvious. “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

The creature let out a long sigh, almost like it had dealt with this before, and then it motioned for the mare to come closer. When she remained still, the creature nodded in what Whisper guessed was understanding. It’s brow furrowed, and it appeared to be either thinking quite hard, or trying desperately to prompt a bowel movement. While Whisper hoped for the former, the latter was undeniably a possibility. Finally, though, the being pointed at its ear, and then at the mare. It repeated the action several more times, and then mimed speaking while pointing at her.

The message plainly wasn’t getting through, and the creature let out a sigh that the mare couldn’t mistake for anything beyond frustration. She could fully understand that, and for just a moment she was tempted to trust this new being. Just as she was about to say something more, the being raised a hand to its ear and began working its digits about, seemingly trying to pull its head inside out. This continued for almost a full minute before the creature moved its hand away from its head, a small object resting in its hand. Its other hand dug into his back... No, a pack. A saddlebag that it wore on its back. Just a few seconds later, the creature displayed a second version of the first object.

It then motioned towards its ear with the object it had pulled out of its ear and towards the mare with the other one. It seemed quite eager for her to do what it was miming, but Whisper couldn’t quite shake her reservations. This creature, from the few times it had opened its mouth, clearly sported canines, and Whisper was educated enough to know what that could implicate about its diet. It wasn’t a guarantee, but there was still a possibility.

Throwing caution, and wisdom, to the wind, Whisper approached slowly, not letting her gaze depart from the creature. Once she grew close enough to see the objects in its hands, she noted that it was long, thin, and notably yellow. Mostly. It had some stripes running along its length that varied in hue and thickness, but the most prominent color was yellow. The creature raised its hand further, and as it did so, the object in its hand moved, slightly. Looking closer, still, Whisper realized that the object in the creature’s hand was actually alive. And, now that she could see it clearly, it looked like a fish.

“What in Equestria am I getting myself into?” The mare gave a quick shake of her head, and then reached out to take the small fish. The being mimed putting it in her ear, but the guard was still hesitant about putting something alive inside her ear. It felt so dangerously close to her brain, and for a moment the mare regretted her preferred choice of nighttime literature. The creature put its own fish back in place, wincing for a moment as the fish likely squirmed for an instant.

Drawing a deep breath, the mare raised the fish to her ear and felt a moment of trepidation as she tilted her hoof, allowing the fish to move into her ear. She bit her tongue to keep from screaming as she felt it move deeper into her ear canal. An intense pressure crushed down on her head for a moment, but then it passed, and she couldn’t even feel the fish anymore.

The creature spoke again, its meaning no more clear than before. The mare shook her head, and gave a small frown. “I still can’t understand you. Whatever the fish was supposed to do, it didn’t work.” A loud word escaped the creature, and it fell on its back, a long suffering noise escaping it. It brought both hands up to its face and pressed down firmly. She couldn’t read into the intricacies of the body language, but she could see both sadness and anger written in the creature’s form.

“... supposed to ... work ... waves.” The mare felt her ears swivel wildly for a moment before settling on the supine form.

For some reason, that small success brought a huge smile to the female’s face, and she stepped closer to the creature, her fear momentarily gone. “Wait, I got some of that! Say more!”

The creature lowered its hands, and a moment of hope flashed across its face. “... understood ... more ...”

“We need to talk more in order for us to understand each other?” Whisper was clutching at straws, but she hoped that her analysis of two words was sufficient.

“... name ... Pyroeis.”

Whisper placed a hoof on her breastplate. “My name is Whisper.”

The creature paused for a moment, and then started to speak, but stopped. When it began speaking again, its voice was in a low whisper. “... name is Pyroeis.”

It took the mare several moments to understand what just happened, but when she did, a short laugh escaped her. “No. My name is Whisper.” For emphasis, she placed her hoof on her breastplate again, and she uttered her name once more, this time including her surname. “Whispering Wind.”

The creature looked at her, and its eyes widened. “Oh.” His reaction sparked another laugh from the mare. “Just Pyroeis.” The mare tilted her head, and the creature frowned. “I have no other name. Just Pyroeis.” It paused for several moments, and then added, almost as an afterthought, “Not all, but some.”

The mare paused for a moment, her happiness at understanding his words momentarily eclipsed by the fact that she didn’t understand his meaning. “I can understand you. I understood every word you said!”

“Took Adams long enough. Normally the fish works even without both beings having one. I don’t know why it wouldn’t work here.” The creature pulled itself into a seated position, and it looked at the mare. Again, it began to speak, but it stopped. This repeated several more times, until it just let out a long held breath. “Do you have a leader? I feel as though I should present myself to whomever it is that leads you.” The creature’s expression flashed through several states, before returning to what seemed like a neutral expression. “Please, take me to your leader.”

“I was actually going to do that, but I don’t think you mean my superior. I think you mean the Princesses.” The creature nodded, and slowly stood, quickly rising to its full height. It was significantly taller than Whisper was, but that didn’t really intimidate her. “Just, hold on, okay?” The creature nodded, and that eased a tiny burden that Whisper didn’t realize she had been bearing. At least some small part of their body language was compatible.

The mare pressed at a small gem on her armor, and there was a tiny tremor as the magic within the gem was released, alerting Cuff of her presence, summoning him. The pair waited for a few minutes before Cuff ran into the alley, his eyes wide. He immediately stopped upon spotting the creature, and his first instinct was to place himself between mare and monster. “Whisper, what in all of Tartarus is that?”

“Calm down, Cuff. It’s a friend. I think.” She looked at the creature, and it looked between the stallion and the mare for several moments before giving a small nod.

“I understand your companion, but he won’t be able to understand me. Not yet, at least.”

“That’s okay, Pyroe... Pyreeo... Py. I can translate.” The stallion looked at the pair, quickly looking from one to the other, and back again. “Don’t worry, Cuff, he gave me a... thing, that will let me understand him and vice versa. I don’t understand how it could work, but he told me that it won’t allow for universal translation just yet.” The creature nodded again. “Now, though, we need to take it to --”

“I’m a male.” Whisper stopped, and looked at the creature again, this time trying to take a measure of its appearance. Her gaze drifted back to Cuff, again, for a moment, and then she looked back at the creature. She could see some characteristics that could be seen on a stallion, but she hadn’t made that call earlier, fearing some sort of affront to his sensibilities. “A ... male.”

Whisper frowned, and cocked her head to the side. “Sorry, what was that middle word? I didn’t get that.” The creature repeated his word, and still the fish did nothing. “Perhaps in more time, it will work?”

“I certainly hope so.” There was a note of sadness in the being’s voice, but, perhaps, it was just Whisper forcing more of her own emotional ideas onto the creature. She couldn’t hope to be able to understand that much emotional depth just yet. Still, she felt fairly certain in her analysis.

“It’ll be okay, Py. The Princesses will be able to help. I know it.”

“Wait, what?” Both creature and mare looked at the stallion. “We’re taking this thing to the Princesses? Are you insane, Whisper? What if it’s a threat? What if it’s a spy, or a monster, or something worse? We can’t possibly bring it before the Princesses!”

“He’s a talking, thinking, creature, Cuff. We’re going to take him to the Princesses. You may not have read the full guide on contact, but I have.” Whisper faltered under the glare the stallion shot at her. “Okay, I skimmed it. But, still, in the event of non-hostile contact with a sentient creature, it is to be brought before the highest readily accessible authority. And, here, in Canterlot, it doesn’t get higher than the Princesses. And, wouldn’t you know it, Day Court is in session. What’s more, as guards of the city we have precedence for hearings.”

The stallion tried to offer some retort, but his every objection was swiftly stopped as Whisper used what she could remember from the guide to shut down his arguments. His last claim, though, stopped the mare. “What if this is just a ruse? What if it’s just a trap? We can’t just let it parade around unbound, until we have confirmation from a higher authority that it - he - is safe!”

Whisper stared helplessly at the creature and then at the stallion. “He’s right, Py. And I feel like I know that I should be on his side, but I just...” She fought with her emotions for a moment. “I feel like this is wrong. You can think, and speak, and you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“It’s fine.” The creature’s blunt response gave the mare pause, and she didn’t even notice when Cuff conjured a set of bindings about its hands. A sharp gasp escaped the creature as the magic worked, but he made no further action, save for averting his gaze from the softly glowing manacles.

“Okay, Py. We’re going to take you to the Princess. It’s a bit of a walk. No less than half an hour from where we are.” The creature remained silent, his gaze not dropping to meet that of the mare. “Come on, then. The sooner we reach the palace, the better.”

The trio started out of the alleyways, and within moments of leaving the concealment of those very alleys Whisper could feel eyes roaming along not only her, but the creature. She had to maintain her appearance under the public scrutiny, but she couldn’t help but feel badly for Py. And, despite being blameless, she felt the urge to pin this hardship squarely on Cuff. The magical bindings around the creature’s wrists drew many stares, and Whisper could just barely hear the not so quiet murmurs of the ponies around her.

Luckily, even the nobility of Canterlot knew not to stand between the city guard and their mission, so they had clear paths wherever they walked, but it only gave the ponies a better look at the creature. Risking a glance at Py, Whisper saw that he was taking in as much of his surroundings as he could, not even acknowledging the ponies she was certain he could both hear and understand. As they drew closer to the castle, the number of patrolling guards increased steadily until they were stopped by a patrol of Royal Guards.

“Hold, watchponies.” Despite her familiarity with much of the guard, she knew only a few members of the Royal Guard. After the departure of Captain Armor to the Crystal Empire, there had been quite a bit of rearranging within the ranks. The ponies before her, two unicorns, showed no emotion on their faces. The two guards stared evenly at Whisper and Cuff, not even acknowledging Py. “Your business within the palace is clear, but we must ask that you keep your prisoner on a short chain. Princess Celestia has been uneasy for much of the day, and we fear she might not take kindly to any incidents.”

Cuff nodded, and Whisper did as well. “Thank you. I’ll be sure that there will be no such incidents. Day Court is in normal session, today?”

“Unfortunately, no. In light of her state, Princess Celestia has cancelled Day Court. However, I shall escort you to her hearing room. She will meet with you there.” After conversing briefly with his partner, the guard soon was leading the trio, now a quartet, into the palace. The spotless white halls turned the sound of their hoofsteps into faint echoes, and before long they were well entombed within the walls of the castle. Whisper refused to let it show, but the pressing feeling of the walls was making her nervous, and a glance at Py told her that he was no more comfortable than she was.

Princess Celestia pored over the petitions laid out in front of her, their intricacies and subtle machinations laid bare before her eyes. The many nobles who wrote these papers thought themselves mightily clever, hiding various loopholes and exceptions within the countless pages, not truly expecting their benevolent ruler to read every single page. Sadly, for them, either Celestia or Luna did read every single document, often taking advantage of their magic to read far more quickly than any mortal could hope to.

Using her magic, the Solar Princess levitated a quill up to the page, writing out in her elegant script that the motion would be refused until some revisions were made. Just as she was about to organize the pages and bind them again, a knock sounded at her door, prompting her to lift her gaze. She had specifically asked not to be disturbed, so this interruption came as an unwanted, but not entirely unexpected, surprise. Letting out a small sigh and quickly moving a heavily laden plate from sight, Princess Celestia composed herself, reaffirming her regal appearance. “I’ll just have to eat you later, my delicious morsel.” Turning her gaze to the door, she spoke loudly enough to be heard from without. “Enter, my little pony.”

The double doors, intricately carved from the finest woods native to Equestria, opened slowly, and not widely, to allow a single member of the Royal Guard to enter. The unicorn, Silver Trident, approached several steps before offering a smart salute. “Princess Celestia, please, forgive my intrusion.” Princess Celestia stifled a groan, loathing the newest formalities that the new Captain of the Guard had insisted upon. “A matter has arisen that begs your attention. A pair of city guards have come to the castle, claiming to have a... Well, an Edict Seven.”

“Oh?” Princess Celestia felt her irritation lessen as the implications washed through her mind. “Has the claim been verified?”

The guard hesitated for several moments before answering. “By all appearances... No. The creature seems much as a mutated, or deformed, minotaur might.”

The Princess, again, held back a groan. “Then why do you come to me? Surely the Captain would be sufficient.”

Again the guard hesitated, but then he seemed to find his nerve. “Captain Shield has also requested your presence. He feels that your judgment is required to fully evaluate this creature.”

“Very well, then. Where have they been sent?”

“At first, they were brought to your hearing room, but upon learning of what was occurring, Captain Shield had them moved to a convening hall. They have, since, been moved back to your hearing room. The Captain will not be present, though, as some matters within the city demand his attention.”

“Thank you, Trident. I shall be along shortly. Inform them that I will be arriving within a few minutes.” The guard saluted again, and then departed from the room, closing the door as he departed, the silent hinges letting the door shut with nary a sound. Using her magic, the Princess quickly gathered all her accoutrements and then evaluated her appearance in a mirror, making sure that she would be properly put together for her coming meeting.

While she was fairly certain that the creature wasn’t a newcomer to Equestria, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared should that eventuality come to pass. A small snort escaped the Princess as she ruminated, one last time, as to what caused her earlier headaches. Perhaps she had sensed this creature’s arrival within the limits of the city, or perhaps she was merely spending far too much time thinking of the various requests made by the nobility. Just before leaving the room, the Princess sent a magical signal to her sister, impinging upon her dreams for naught but a moment, making her aware of the ongoings of the day.

A sluggish response, all that came from the lunar alicorn, indicated that she would come if needed.

Satisfied, Celestia opened the doors to her chamber, and she started down the hallway, immediately aware of the two guards that took up flanking positions. She took her time heading to her hearing chambers, and she stopped just outside the door, pausing to gather her thoughts together. “I would like the two of you to remain outside. I am certain that you will know if I, or somepony within, summons you.” Both guards saluted, and Celestia felt a small smile come to her face. She wiped it away, bringing her best neutral expression to bear, and she threw open the doors, quickly taking stock of what was within the room.

Two city guards were seated at the large table, their gazes snapping up to look at the Princess. There were also two of her own guard in the room, several body lengths away from the table, their eyes focused on the strange creature that was seated a short distance from them. Its eyes flitted from surface to surface, pony to pony, until they settled on the Princess. The creature’s eyes were far smaller than a normal pony, yet were no less expressive than her little ponies.

Calmly, and with the elegance of countless years of practice, Celestia swept into the room, quickly making for the larger than normal chair that was in place for her to take a seat in. She felt all the eyes in the room track her as she moved to her seat, and once she was seated, she looked to the two city guards. “Whispering Wind, and Golden ‘Cuff’ Link.” The two guards gave the Princess smiles, and they both bowed their head slightly. The Princess then turned to look at the newcomer to her city. “And you must be the one I’ve been told of.”

“Um, Princess?” Celestia looked at Whisper, and raised an eyebrow. “He doesn’t speak our language. He, um... He gave me a fish so I could speak to him.”

Even Celestia, after living for nearly four thousand years, was surprised to hear those words. “A fish? I don’t quite... A fish? You ate it?” She knew that such a lack of eloquence was shocking to see for everypony present, but the situation had quickly taken a turn that Celestia couldn’t have predicted. A sound escaped the creature, and Celestia looked at it. Its face had turned a shade of red, and its manacled hands were up at its mouth as it rocked gently in the seat. It removed its hands for several moments, and a noise escaped it before both hands returned to its mouth.

“Py wants you to know he’s not laughing at you, but what you said.”

“He’s laughing?” As she spoke, the creature, now known to the Princess as Pie, began laughing. It lasted for only a few moments, but it appeared to have left Pie quite breathless. “He can understand me?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia. That’s what I was trying to tell you.” The alicorn turned to look at Whisper, and she looked on in morbid curiosity as her little pony pulled something from her ear. It looked like a slug, but as her pony held it out, Celestia was able to make out some characteristics that might mark it as being a fish. “I don’t know how it works, but after putting it in my head I could speak with Py a few moments later.”

“And it goes in your ear?”

“That’s what I did, and what he demonstrated to me.” Celestia nodded, and then looked down at the fish-slug once again. “I felt much the same, Princess, but it works. I don’t know how, but when Py spoke, it seemed like he was speaking fluent Equestrian. Some more subtle meaning is lost, I think, but the words translate perfectly.”

The Princess nodded, and then looked at Pie. “Right now, though, you can understand me?” Pie nodded, and pointed at the fish, and then his own ear. “You have one in your ear now?” Another nod. “And if I put this in my ear, I will be able to understand you?” Pie’s eyes flitted to Whisper for a moment, and then returned to Celestia’s. A nod followed a heartbeat later. “Well, one must, at times, do things that seem unappealing to make strides.” The fish levitated from Whisper’s hoof, and the Princess brought it nearer to her ear. “Whisper, right now, can you still understand Pie?”

“I can’t Princess. Only while the fish is in my ear.”

Hiding her nervousness from those present, Celestia levitated the fish to her ear, and quickly inserted it before releasing it from her telekinetic grasp. A few seconds passed, and then she felt the fish moving into her ear. A sudden stabbing pain flashed through her mind, but then it passed before she could make a sound, and then she couldn’t even feel the fish if she didn’t think about it.

“The first time is always the worst, Princess.”

“It works?” Princess Celestia looked to Pie, and she felt a smile tug at her lips.

“I’ve never met a sentient creature that it didn’t work with, Princess Celestia.” Pie bowed his head slightly, and then brought his gaze to bear once again. “My name is Pyroeis. Or, as Whisper has taken to calling me, Py.”

“So, it’s not like a cake?”

The creature seemed flummoxed for a moment, and he began laughing again a moment later. “Wow, no. Sorry, no. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a line like that.” Several more moments passed, and the creature finally regained his sense. He was still smiling, though. “No, Princess, not like a cake. My name has... Had great significance to my people, at one point. Much changed, though.”

“Your people?” Celestia leaned forward a tiny bit, eager to hear more about this creature. “What do you call yourself?”

“We... I am a ...” Py stopped for a moment, and seemed to think for a moment. “You didn’t hear my last word, did you?” When the Princess nodded, Py groaned. “Okay, my people are descended from, but not much like, apes. Monkeys, and the like.”

“I see.” The Princess leaned back and thought for a moment. She had never once heard of a creature that looked quite like the one opposite her, and that intrigued her. “What is your purpose for being here?”

“Which here are we talking about?” The being motioned at his surroundings. “I’m here because Whisper brought me here. I’m within the city because that’s simply where I came to be. And I’m on the planet because... Well, I don’t really know that one.” Py stopped for a moment and then raised his bound hands, and placed them atop the table. “What I want to know, though, is how this whole affair is being handled so informally?”

“To be fair, Pyroeis, I wasn’t at all expecting to find an actual new creature. And, really, such formalities wouldn’t appeal to me. There are times, yes, when formalities are needed, but this doesn’t seem to be one of those times.” Celestia hid a smile. “Would you like this to be more formal?”

“No, Princess. I’m just surprised, is all.”

“Guards. All of you. Leave us. I wish to speak to our visitor alone.” Quickly, as though they were waiting for the order, the two Royal Guards departed from the room, taking the two regular guards with them as they left. Pyroeis watched Whisper go with a blank expression, but years of experience let Celestia see the discomfort in his eyes. “Now, Pyroeis, you will answer my questions directly and with no dishonesty.”

The change in the Princesses voice shook the creature, but it nodded in response. “I understand. Ask, and I shall strive to give the most honest answer I can.”

“Why are you here?” The creature looked uncomfortable for a moment, and then shrugged. “Your words will never leave this chamber, and I promise you that I will not lash out should your answer be not to my liking.”

“I have no answer, Princess, beyond an unbelievable explanation.”

“I will hear it, Pyroeis. I’ve seen and heard things the likes of which you could never fathom. Very little can still shock me.”

The creature nodded and let out a sigh. “I am not of this world. I am, I believe, not even of this universe.” Py looked up for a moment and met the gaze of the alicorn. “My people, humans, lived on a verdant world, rife with flora and fauna of all shapes and sizes. But we, humans, dominated land, sea, and sky.”

“The pinnacle of your world, then? Were there others, at your level?”

“No. We were. We are, I hope, still the leading creature of our planet.”

“Why do you speak in the past tense?”

Py looked up from his hands, to the Celestia. “I’ve been gone from home a long while, Princess.” That moment gave the Princess a true inkling of what he had experienced. “I fell through... Reality, I suppose, back on Earth. I tumbled for a time, and then found myself on a world not all too dissimilar to Earth. And that was just the first stop. I was there for several days, and then it happened again.”

“So, you fall between realities?”

“I believe so, yes. My stay on each world has been a bit longer than the one previous. I’ve managed to work out a way to determine how long each stay will be, using some fancy mathematics that I got from one of the more helpful places I visited. If my estimate, and memory, is right, though, I will only be here for about a decade. Not too long, but still more than I’d like.”

“A decade is still quite some time.”

“If I might have use of my hands, I can determine more accurately how long I’ll be here.” The princess thought for a moment, and then released the human from his bindings. He quickly rifled through his bag before emerging with several implements. His hands worked quickly through the mathematics he had spoken of, and after several minutes he froze in his work. “No. No, that’s not right.”

“Pyroeis?” The human looked up from his paper, and for a heartbeat, Celestia felt fear. This seemingly unassuming being held in check emotions that her little ponies could hardly even think of. There was an anger so deep that it pained Celestia to contemplate. This human was filled with a kind of hurt that Celestia had only ever seen in such quantities in one other being. But what scared Celestia was not the anger, or the hurt, but the desperation that appeared there, even if only for a moment. The kind of desperation that shows that a creature will be stopped by nothing short of its own demise. “Pyroeis, please, calm down.”

“Fifty seven years.” The human laughed mirthlessly as he looked down at the page once again. “And it’ll stay that long, forever, until I get home.”

“You’ll be here for fifty seven years?”

“Yes. The equation, now that I look at it, follows some rather interesting patterns. It’s not linear, or even exponential. It’s some bizarre combination of the two that I don’t know the name of.” The human threw his writing implement across the table. “And I won’t age a bloody day during the whole time.”

Celestia made to speak, but stopped after she processed what he had said. “What do you mean?”

“Since I started my tumble through space and time, I’ve not aged a day. My hair hasn’t grown much, my nails are nearly the same. I’m practically unchanged from what I was when I started.” The human sighed and stood up, stretching for several moments. “Not that it matters. I don’t expect that I’ll last much longer. I show up, here, on your world, and I find myself surrounded by magical horses.”

“We are not horses.”

The human whirled in place, and showed the Princess his wrists. “But you are magical, are you not?” The human’s wrists were red and raw, almost as if they had been badly burned. “My last reality, several of them, actually, taught me several lessons. First was that I’m as close to immortal as one can hope to come. The second was that magic and my body are the nastiest foes. Something about reality, fabrics, and fundamental nature. Your very nature is anathema to my own.”

Celestia was silent as the human retook his seat, his breathing rapid. “I am truly sorry, Pyroeis. I will not shackle you again. Nor, for that matter, will I make you a prisoner.” Py looked up, and met Celestia’s gaze. “You are so radically different from my little ponies, and I do not think you a threat. At least, not beyond a slight temper.”

“I’m sorry, Princess. I—”

“It is quite alright, Pyroeis. I would have actually goaded you to a point much like what you experienced, to see how you would react. And, while not quite what I expected, you did not lash out in your anger.”

“If I am pushed in the right ways, Princess, I cannot promise that I would never get violent. My kind likes to think itself above and beyond our instincts, but... Well, the right motivation can do wonders and horrors for one’s moral compass.”

“And that is something that I accept. My little ponies are not the epitome of peace and tranquility. They have their disagreements and fights, and I understand that you do as well.”

Silence reigned in the room for several moments, and then the human plunged into some of his personal history. Celestia listened as the human spoke, his words coming faster and faster as he spoke, until, when he reached his conclusion, he just stopped abruptly. His chest was heaving slightly, and Celestia could see that the male was mentally and emotionally exhausted. “You’re the first one I’ve told it all to. But... My name, Pyroeis. It’s not my real name.”

The Princess made no outward sign to show her confusion at the sudden change of topic. “And why have you chosen that name, out of all the infinite possibilities.”

“It’s my last tie to my home. You see, Earth, the planet that I came from, was not the only place where my people lived. A neighboring planet, Mars, was my home. I was born there, in a grand city called Port Armstrong, and I spent my whole life there. Until I moved to Earth when I was twenty seven.” The human paused for a moment. “At certain times of the day, one could see Mars from Earth. The distance robbed it of all detail, beyond its reddish hue. An ancient civilization had a name for that red looking star that was Mars. They called it Pyroeis.”

“From how you speak I gather that there is more to it.”

The human was silent for several moments. “Yeah. See, the name didn’t just refer to the star they thought it was. Pyroeis was a made up god. An immortal being. Along with a few other ‘stars’, he was one of the wandering stars. That is why I took the name. My home, and what I am.”

“You wander reality.”

“Not all who wander are lost.” The human looked up from his hands and gave a sad smile. “Not all, but some.”

Celestia remained silent for several minutes, mentally chewing on what had been said. “There is far more to you, and your kind, than I would have thought.” Princess Celestia teleported a set of cups, and some tea, from her quarters. “Please, Py, tell me more of your people. Who you are. How you came to be. What it means to be human.”

Whisper had sent Cuff away several hours ago, her patience for his constant fidgeting having vanished within minutes of being ushered out of the room. There had been only a few loud outbursts from the room, but none had belonged to Princess Celestia, so the pegasus was feeling rather nervous about what was going on behind the closed doors.

At last, though, five hours after having left the room, the door opened, and the Princess gave a warm smile to the pegasus. “I would like you to return.” The two Royal Guards, still standing at attention, turned to make their way into the room, but Princess Celestia raised a hoof. “Only Whisper, please. In fact, you two may both return to your normal duties. Pyroeis is no threat, and I do not wish to upset the balance.”

“Princess, we have standing orders from Captain Shi—”

“And as your Princess, I have authority to overrule his orders. And, now, I’m not asking you to leave, I’m ordering it. I am more than capable of handling myself, despite a single past performance.” The two Royal Guards looked between each other for a moment, and then skulked off, clearly disappointed with how things turned out. As they turned around a corner, and headed back to their posts, Celestia looked at the stunned pegasus. “They mean well, but I’m not some small filly to be coddled.”

“Of course, Princess.”

“Now, come in. And, please, no need for formalities. This whole conversation with Py has been devoid of them, and I see no need to bring them back, now.” Whisper nodded, and followed the retreating head of the Princess, quickly closing the door behind herself. Py was seated in the same spot as when Whisper left the room, but he seemed much more at ease than when she had left.

“Hey, Whisper. Have fun out there?” Despite knowing the voice, it still gave Whisper great pause, and she did a triple take before she realized that the words were, in fact, coming from the human.

“What? But... Princ— Celestia has the fish!”

“The magic seems to be working. Yes, Whisper, I do, still, have the fish. It’s a part of how I will arrange for Pyroeis to live as normal a life as possible. I do not expect that to be very normal, but it’s a start.” The Princess moved to her seat, and placed herself within it, motioning for Whisper to take the seat opposite Py, and to her side. “You see, Py’s people, humans, are incredibly clever. What they lack in magic, they make up for in technology. And this fish, the Adams Fish he called it, allows for them to communicate with great ease. It uses much of their science to... Well, it works, and works quite well.”

“I still don’t understand. How can you have the fish, but I understand him?”

“Well, all of you, my ponies, share magic with the world. I simply attuned a part of that magic to the fish. Py will be able to understand any language that I understand, and he will be understood by anypony that knows a language that I can speak.” Celestia motioned to her ear. “This fish, and Py’s, are linked strongly, and my mind will work in tandem with the fish, and Py’s fish, to create a lingual link.”

“However, it does use a measure of Celestia’s magic, and her mind, which is why I want to learn your language, so I don’t need to rely on her.” The human shifted in his seat, and then let out a sigh. “Not only that, but the magic behind the whole process stings, slightly.”

“Ah, yes.” The Princess seemed ashamed for a moment. “Whisper, it seems that our newest Equestrian cannot be exposed to magic without negative effect. I’m going to ask you to take him from the city, a focal point for magic, and go with him where he wishes.”

“Am... Am I in trouble?” The pegasus looked from alicorn to human and back. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No. Not at all. In fact, you’ve done quite well.” The Princess gave the pegasus a smile, and continued. “However, you have, to my knowledge, often expressed to your captain a desire to... Oh, how was it phrased?”

Whisper felt her cheeks flush, but the human experienced no such problem. “‘Find a position that doesn’t suck dragon eggs,’ was the phrase.”

“Ah, yes, thank you, Py. This is your chance, Whisper. I’m going to allow you to act as a guide for Py. He has many years ahead of him, and he wishes to see much of the land. This is not a permanent position, nor must you take it if you do not wish it.”

Whisper dropped her gaze, and she mumbled something that neither of the other occupants of the room could hear. After several moments, she looked up, and shook her head. “Celestia, while I would probably enjoy the position, I do not think that I am the best for it. Not only am I far from knowledgeable about the land, I’m... Well, I’m not entirely comfortable traveling far and wide alongside Py.” She noticed a look on the human’s face, and she took it for disappointment. “Not that there’s anything wrong with Py. As far as I can tell.”

“That’s quite alright, Whisper.” The alicorn turned her gaze back to the human. “Well, Py, it seems that you were right. Now, we have much to do, and many reams of paperwork to fill out. Of course, we will be moving you out of Canterlot before evening.”

Whisper felt a tiny pang of nervousness. “Where will he be going?”

“Oh, I haven’t yet decided. Likely, though, is Ponyville. Princess Twilight is there, and she’ll be able to speed along the bureaucratic process.”

“And then, from there, I can explore?”

“Should you so desire, yes. I would recommend getting a handle on the language and customs first, though.”

Pyroeis opened his mouth to respond, but the pegasus was a split second faster. “Can I go with him?”

Both man and alicorn turned to look at the pegasus. Before the alicorn could respond, though, the human smiled and nodded. “I think I’d like that.”

Author's Note

Well, a submission for the Most Dangerous Game.
For the purposes of the competition, this story is done. I will extend this, and see where it takes me.

Inspiration came from several sources:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Memoirs of a Reality Jumper
Xenophilia
And, probably, several others that I can't think of at the moment.

So, on that note;
So long, and thanks for ~~all the fish~~ reading!