The Saga Of The Caramel Mare.

by BurningBright

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Tragedy, Caramel, Big Macintosh, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Dark, Granny Smith, Sad, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4540

Who is the mysterious mare who looks just like Caramel did?

In the town of Appleoosa there is a young mare you may be familiar with, in the town of ponyville there once dwelt a lonely stallion who looked just like her, this is their story, from birth through till now. Trigger warning: Discusses in detail some of the day to day lived realities of Gender Transition, not for the faint of heart.

Published 2014-06-18 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-29 18:16:36 UTC

Beginnings and endings

From the Zeal family residence came a scream of pain, realising what was happening Mighty Zeal charged around the house in a panic. Rosemary was going into labour, first off a panicked call to the hospital, he quickly lit the scroll watching for a moment as it made its way to the hospital, he hoped it wouldn't take too long for help to arrive. Next up he had to grab her case quickly luckily rosie had had the foresight to keep a case of essentials ready packed to go when the time came, thank Celestia one of em at least was organised, he didn't want to leave her side even for a moment right now but the ambulance was on the way. Dashing back upstairs mighty contiued scrambling to keep it together as he heard hooves outside, they were here,
Thank Celestia for that.

Helping his wife to her hooves he half walked , half carried her to the door, from there the hospital staff took over oh so carefully lifting her to a gurney and gently wheeling her out of the door being extremely careful not to bump or jolt her in any way to the waiting ambulance. Mighty clambered into the back beside his wife suddenly remembered the case, ran back to get it, after all she'd need it while she was recovering from this, forget the front door he was fairly sure the neighbours would keep an eye out for the house while they were at the hospital given the circumstances, climbed back into the carriage once more pulling the case in behind him and slammng the ambulance doors shut behind him. Then the colts set off pulling her quickly towards canterlot general hospital. Mighty hanging onto Rosies hoof and trying his level best to keep her calm while the medical technician
looked out for the stuff he couldn't do, at least he could do this much.

The next few hours went by in a blur, Mighty held his wifes hoof as gently as he could while her screams echoed around the room. The doctor doing his level best to keep Rosemary calm during the birth, then suddenly the doctors expression changed, he called in two orderlies from outside who grabbed Mighty not roughly, but insistently, and escorted him out of the room as the labour room became a hive of activity. Doctors and nurses swarming round told Mighty something was wrong, he decided to struggle against the orderlies his panic rapidly rising but they wouldn't let him get to her. More orderlies were called and they stood blocking the entire doorway, eventually Mighty Zeal realised that the struggle was hopeless and settled to anxiously pacing the room like a caged tiger. He just hoped these doctors knew what the hay they were doing.

Hours passed by with Mighty looking up every time a staff member passed the doors, his nerves frayed raw with worry for his wife. Eventually the doctor reappeared and approached him with a carefully neutral expression, “how is she?” Mighty asked.

Mighty could have sworn he saw a fleeting look of sadness wash over the doctors features as he looked at him, sympathetically Doctor stable laid a hoof on his shoulder.“Maybe we'd better go somewhere more private mister zeal” replied the doctor leading mighty into his office.

As everypony knows by now there is no place on earth more terrifying than a doctors office when you are unsure what the news will be. The doctor seated himself and motioned Mighty to do the same, as soon as he was seated the doctor once again started to talk. “The good news is you have a son Mister zeal” .

At that Mighty's heart swelled with pride, a col? But the sinking feeling rapidly returned as the doctor continued. “However there were complications.” The sinking feeling in the pit of Mighty's stomach grew as the doctor explained the baby had not come into the world in the expected manner. It felt like a stranger was listening to the conversation in his place when the doctor explained the damage a baby can do if they wedge during birth, that while their son was expected to be fine Rosemary was not expected to make a recovery.

At that moment it felt like ice flooded his veins. “LET ME SEE HER,” he snarled, almost surprised when the doctor complied leading him through the halls to her room. There on the bed lay rosie, looking completely drained, but still just as beautiful to him as the day he married her.

Slowly she turned to him and smiled, “don't fret love” she said “the baby made it through just fine, and I even have a name for him, let's call him caramel.” She said passing her new son over to Mighty, then still smiling she fell asleep. Yes just asleep, she'd wake up soon and feel better, she'd prove all thoise doctors wrong. Then they'd all go home together and celebrate. It sure was nice of the doctor to see him out of the room so they didn't disturb her he thought to himself as his world crumbled in around him leaving nothing behind in the rubble but his pain, sadness and crying softly in his forelegs his first and only son, one he could barely stand to look at so much did he remind Mighty of Rosemary.

A few days later they laid Rosemary to rest in a small ceremony in the ground beside her favourite cherry tree, it was a sunny day, couldn't the weather at least have shown some curtesy and at least allowed the clouds to shed a few tears on his behalf? All he felt right now was numbness where the hurt should have been, and a slow burning rage over the injustice of it all, I mean how in celestias name was this fair?
many who had been asked to attend too shocked by what had happened struggled to understand why and so did not attend, or politely showed up and then as soon as they could made their excuses and slipped away. Caramel cried throughout the entire thing, never stopping even for a moment until Rosemaries casket was lowered down into the cold earth then just as if somebody had flipped a switch he looked up at the sun above him and gave a gurgling laugh. Then drifted off in his fathers forelegs.

Emptiness and growth

Mighty rolled over again, sighing at the empty spot in the bed beside him, the sheets still smelled like her. Tossing and turning restlessly he tried to go to sleep but he just couldn't do it. Instead he rose, slowly and carefully he made his way to the crib. Looking down once again at his son he felt the anger rising within him once again, this child had taken everything, ruined his life, yet still he was all that was left of Rosemary.

Mighty gently prodded the infant foal , Caramel stirred but didn't wake up, giving a slight whimper of displeasure, again the hoof prodded him this time achieving its goal. Caramel woke and gave a little squall at being awoken so rudely, his cries silenced as his father picked him up and lowered him into his pram, Mighty had to get out of the house for awhile, everything here reminded him of her, and now he had a reason.

Ponyville was eerily quiet at this time of night, nopony stopping hm to offer halfhearted condolences, that was fine with him, the less reminders the better. Still Mighty couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at his desire to forget, rosemary deserved rememberance, it was why he'd refused to get rid of any of her posessions. Everything was just as she left it, he even checked by the front door when he came in to see if her keys were on the hook. He still sometimes set 2 places at the table, and still made something extra special some days, like the presence of a nice dinner would somehow summon her back. Tartarus he wished it would.

Caramels crying soon ceased as the exhausted newborn drifted back off, lulled by the movement of the pram . Mighty looked down at his son again sighing as he tried to get rid of his anger, he shouldn't blame the kid, deep down he knew this, but every time he saw those eyes he couldn't help it. The kid was too big a reminder, maybe in time that would change.

When they got home mighty decided to try sleeping one more time, having walked himself half the night he climbed into bed placing Caramel beside him. Hey if the kid woke up again during the night Mighty wanted to be sure he could reach them with minimal effort, at last his eyelids started to droop and he drifted off to sleep.
It only felt like seconds later he was awakened by a sound that seemed to resemble a chainsaw across bare metal. He got outta bed one eye crusted shut and went to the kitchen to mix the baby formula. Damn that kid must have lungs of titanium or something. Testing the bottles temperature on his foreleg he returned to the room. Picking up what he swore must be the loudest kid in equestria he gently settled them in the crook of one leg , careful to support the head as he used his free leg to feed them, the crying quickly fading as the milk passed his lips Caramel settled instead into taking gurgling gulps, drinking the bottle greedily. Feeling proud of a job well done Mighty placed his son back on the bed he was just settling down to sleep when a scent invaded his nostrils. Gagging in horror he looked back at his son “Oh tartarus no” he mumbled to himself as he grabbed the changing bag.

The next 20 minutes of Mighty's life can best be described as living Tartarus, though if the head of Tartarus had encountered the stench this kid produced he would have wept, then hung up his pitchfork forever knowing no matter how cruel a torture he devised he could never even hope to match the sufferin one full napy from a newborn can cause every single day. Carefully Mighty lifted the biohazard that had formerly been a clean nappy towards the bin, outside bin of course, doing his best to stay as far away from it as possible and wishing that h could somehow make his leg longer for a time to get further from the vile stench. Tossing away the nappy with the hope the garbage men would not need hazmat teams to remove the bin from his garden by weeks end he scrubbed up, then picked up his now quiet son . Bouncing the kid gently to keep him calm, and just glad for once the little monster wasn't being gross. “BLECH” came the sound as mighty's ears pinned flat back to his skull and something lukewarm and sticky poured down his back. Sighing he went to run a bath.
Shrinking Violet was concerned, since Rosemaries death she hadn't seen hide nor hair of Mighty Zeal, and he used to be such an outgoing stallion . Clutching the beetroot, and turnip, and tater deeper'n'ever pie close like a shield she gave a knock at the front door. Getting no answer she knocked again, eventually the door was answered by a harried looking Mighty, it didn't look like he'd slept properly in days. “Hello Mighty,”she said, “I hope you don't mind me popping round like this, I just wanted to drop off this pie and see how you were holding up.” Sighing and pressing his muzzle with his hoof he gestured inwards stepping to one side wordlessly to let her in.

“I'm sorry the place isn't a bit more orderly “ he said as he led her in going silent once more, Violet carefully sat herself down by the dining table, noticing there were two places set then noticing the baby bottles littering the counter were outnumbered by amber cider bottles, that was worrying, but she held her tongue going to slice the pie then set it out at the table. Suddenly Mighty srung forward, “NO NOT THERE, that's her place” he shouted, noticing Violet cringe he grabbed another plate from the counter washing it and setting it up at a different seat. Looking at her he said “I just want her to come home” suddenly he started to tear up, and all violet could do was hold him, pie forgotten, right now there were more important things. One being a spot at the table and an empty space that Violet knew she could never fill.

Author's Note

Sorry to get right into the heavy stuff so soon, I promise it does get happy for a time, then sad, then, well ya get the idea, but that's life. I hope chapter 2 went up fast enough for everypony, I hate to leave stories inactive so I'm aiming for a maximum of a week between chapters. Ideally 1 every 2 days.

Amber nectar and questions

Mighty turned in his sleep, the room was uncomfortably warm he found himself waking up once again. He could have sworn he heard her stirring beside him, Rosie. Reaching out a hoof to touch her he felt warm skin beneath his hoof. Violet woke up with a sigh rolling over to look at him. He almost found himself hating her at that moment, feeling the anger well up inside him he turned away from her.

He had loved Rosie and now here he was betraying her memory, why? Because he was lonely? What kind of excuse was that? He loved Rosemary and here he was finding comfort in the embrace of the one she had called her best friend. She was their bridesmaid for bucks sake, what kind of friend was she? What kind of husband was he? Rosie had only been gone a few short months, he felt like such a traitor.

“Something wrong love?” She asked him concern clear in her voice, Mighty fought hard to hold back his anger. The guilt on the other hand felt like it had set up camp and was settling in nicely for a prolonged stay.

“I'm fine” he muttered halfheartedly, dragging himself out of bed, “I'm gonna go get a drink though, ya want somethin?” He needed to get out of that bed right now, he needed to clear his thoughts. Rosemary declined his offer of a drink and he went to the fridge. Realising a beer wouldn't cut it he closed the door and went instead to the liquor cabinet. Right now he needed something stronger. His hoof reached in and pulled out a good sized whiskey bottle. Rummaging round for glasses though he came up empty, so instead he pulled the stopper from the bottle and started drinking . He needed to forget, the drink burned on its way down but instead of calming down he just felt angrier and angrier.

He drew back his hoof and slammed it into the wall, hard, maybe the hurt would help. Next thing he knew something slammed into him, he raised his hoof to bat it aside and there in front of him looking scared to tartarus was Violet. Tossing the bottle to one side he started to feel his tears well up, then he turned tail and ran out. The door slamming in his haste to escape.

Violet got unstadily to her hooves, she was glad that she had stopped him hurting himself further but he scared her. In the other room Caramel awakened by the noise started to cry, the noise was heartbreaking, as scared as she was Violet couldn't turn away . Sighing she went into the nursery and picked the little one up. None of this was his fault after all. Rocking him gently in her hooves. Slowly the little one started to drift off in her hooves as she sang, her song soothing her own nerves as well as his.

“oh my little golden bird, how lonely is your song?
Know somepony loves you still, and will your whole life long.
Though you feel trapped my dear, I beg you to be brave,
a heart as strong as yours my dear, will free you from your cage.

So lift your little voice my dear, release your melody,
no matter how strong the bars may be one day you will be free.
I ask you now remember this, a lesson from the start,
no matter what the prison , let nopony cage your heart.

My song may oneday dissapear, I beg you give no care,
for even when I'm long since passed, I'll try to still be there,
be strong my dear, I know you will,
be brave, I know you can,
become the kind of pony who will always take a stand.
Caramels eyelids became heavier and heavier as the song went on, the feeling of warmth surrounding him making him feel safe as he drifted off in Violets hooves. Gazing down at bthe poor little one Violet felt the need to protect him, and the hope that despite his behavior Mighty may not be completely gone yet. With time and patience she hoped maybe she could reach him, keep him safe just like Rosemary would have wanted. With that thought on her mind rosemary placed Caramel back in his crib slumbering peacefuly, though even asleep he gave a slight whimper of discontent as he was lowered into the crib. Then turning away Violet headed back to bed once more and hoped that Mighty would calm down before coming home. Turning off the light she curled up and waited, trying her best to sleep.

Meanwhile Mighty Zeal sat alone at the counter of heavy tankards bar, as fast as his glass was emptying he was refilling it. Remembering was just too painful. Sighing he tipped back another double, Tankard had long since given up topping up his drink every time he drained it and had instead just left him the bottle. “what am I doing?” Mighty asked himself for about the fiftieth time that night, every time he looked at Violet he knew she was falling in love with him, but to stay with her was betraying Rosies memory. He couldn't just forget about her and move on. She hadn't even been gone 6 months, was he really so weak willed? So poor a husband? Tilting his hoof back again another shot slid down just as smoothly as the first. The room around him was spinning, he could hear every sound in the damn bar yet it still wasn't enough.. The memories were still as clear as they ever had been, Rosie was still gone forever and there wasn't a bucking thing he could do about it.

Slowly he got to his hooves, wobbling all the way, picked up his bottle vand started staggering out of the bar. He needed some air. His hooves betrayed him yet again, why had they brought him here? Rosies favourite spot by the bridge. Looking down at his reflection in the water he didn't see the bright happy young colt who married the most beautiful mare in the world. Instead he saw a drunken old stallion who was just too scared to be alone. “What happened to you?” He asked himself with a sigh before turning around and heading back to the house, after all without her even with Violet there it wasn't home anymore.

Violet heard the door unlock and mighty staggering in, she didn't say a word as he slipped into bed beside her once more, pretending to be asleep so she could ignore the stron scent of whiskey in his coat.

The Bottle and lies

Caramel was 6 years old by now, 6 and a half in a few weeks, it had been 2 years since Auntie Violet ran away, Caramel didn't blame her in the least on that. Dad was drinking a lot more lately. Every day fell into the same old routine, wake up stare at the ugly colt in the mirror, supress that cold empty feeling in your heart, put on the mask, plaster on that fake plastic smile, go to school.

At school try your best to dodge the bullies, try to stay focused, must get through the day, don't let your grades slip, don't do anything to get into any trouble. The last thing you want is for him to get mad at you. Lunchtime make some excuse for not payting for school lunch, dad packed you a lunch, yeah that's it, nothin to see here. Next make some excuse for preferring to eat alone, that way nopony notices that your packed lunch is made up of whatever you could scrounge up from the fridge that wasn't beer while he wasn't looking. Realise your appoetite just isn't there anymore, then eat anyway. School bell goes. Trot on home all the way thinking “please don't be home, please don't be home PLEASE DON'T BE HOME”.

Push open the door, sounds quiet ,good, just a few more steps and you'll be in your room and saf- “what time do you call this boy?”

Caramel felt a chill run down his spine, he was home this whole time? Turn to greet him, trying to ignore the reek of booze, everythings OK, nothing wrong here right? “I'm sorry I took a few minutes longer than normal getting home dad, we had homework assigned by Miss Rowanoak , I had to hand out the papers to the rest of the class, I'd best just go up to my room and get started.”

Dad seemed almost lost in thought at this, he paused for just a moment, Caramel took the moment and made a break for it, dashing for his room while the old man was distracted and shutting the door behind him with a sigh of relief. Homework may be boring but it beat the hay outta staying round dad when he'd been drinking.

Mighty gave a sigh, maybe he should have offered to help the kid out with homework, after all he was the man of the house, surely that was his responsibility. Then he remembered the look of fear in Caramels eye, yeah he'd done enough damage, it was better to leave well enough alone. The kid was smart, perfect grades across the board except sports. Maybe it was for the best he let it lie. He loved that kid as only a father could, but every time he saw him he couldn't help seeing Caramel really had her beautiful eyes, seeing fear in them felt wrong, alien somehow. That kid was a walking reminder of everything he'd lost, and he hated that, he loved the kid with everything he had, but seeing him made him angry. He drank to get away from that, because it was sure as tartarus better than hurting himself or somepony else.

The bottle felt warm in his hoof, and damn it he wanted to help the kid, maybe he would, but first he wanted to finish these ciders before they all got warm. The first swig made him feel a little better, he was just overthinking things yet again. He'd been doing that a lot lately, ever since he woke up to find violet had packed her stuff and gone. Something about loneliness made ya think harder, and the harder ya thought the worse you felt the more you drank. Now igf only he could forget why he started to begin with he'd be happy.

The cider tasted warm and disgusting, yet somehow comforting, like an old friend. Not always welcome but so long as they were there and familiar you'd hang on, and there he goes rambling again. Getting shakily to his hooves he headed to Caramels room to help, raising his hoof to knock.

Caramel was sat quietly as possible in his room when he heard the knock, he froze instantly, “oh buck oh buck OH BUCK” he thought to himself inside his head like some kind of mantra, he tried to ignore the unsteady knocking but that just made Mighty knock harder, Caramel made the noises of a pony just woken up, then asked who it was.

“Who do ya think it is kid? Celestia deciding to pop in for afternoon tea? Now open this door.” shouted Mighty, he felt bad for a moment about that but soon suppressed it, after all this was his house, the door creaked open to reveal Caramel, looking absoluterly terrified who held it while he entered the room. “Where's your homework?“ Mighty demanded , “I'll help you to finish it.”

By that time of course Caramel had finished their work awhile back, “It's all done dad” they said, “I finished it about an hour back.” Knowing the safest course of action Caramel kept their head down as they said it, being as quiet and respectful as they could.

Mighty frelt anger rising within him again, there was no way the kid had been home long enough to have done that surely. He'd only had time for a few bottles, that meant the kid was lying to him. “YOU'RE A BUCKING LYING PILE OF HORSEAPPLES YOU KNOW THAT?” he snarled, rounding on Caramel , “there's no way on bucking equestria you could have finished so quickly.”

“Dad it's after midnight, I've finished my homework, maybe you just lost track” Caramel replied calmly, suddenly realising their mistake and wishing they could stuff the words back into their own mouth, but emboldened by their dads lack of response they figured they were gonna be in trouble anyway, so in for a copper in for a bit. “Even check the clock if it helps.” Instantly regretting ever having opened their mouth they watched as Mighty pondered for a moment.

“You know what kid? I think I will” He growled, “and when I do and I find out for sure you've been lyin to me today you'll seriously wish you hadn't tried it and had just done your bucking homework right from the start.” With that Mighty got back to his hooves and made it back downstairs to the kitchen. Sure enough the clock read midnight just as Caramel had said. Caramel breathed a sigh of relief for a moment then the world exploded in stars and colours. “changing the clocks to mess with your old man kid? That's just low. “ Snarled mighty, checking his hoof for damage then turning away from Caramel, who was trying her best not to cry, “and stop that whimpering before I give ya something to really cry about.” At that Caramel turned and ran to his room and shut the door quickly hiding in the closet they bit their hoof to stop the noise they made as the tears washed down their face. “AND DO YOUR BUCKING HOMEWORK” came the roar from downstairs as Caramel curled up and tried their best to go to a place in their head that Mighty could never reach.