Bathspounge saunters into Ponyville proper after cleaning his cum off himself in a nearby creek. He would be going to Sugarcube Corner, but his recent failing with Applejack makes him reconsider, and he wanders back to Twilight's library to talk to her.

"Twilight!" Bathspounge calls as he steps through the front door of the library because, as a public building, he can just do that.

"Bathspounge," Twilight says, confused. " You're home early. Wait! Did you get confused because the last 4 chapters all took place in one day?"

"No, of course not. As the author's avatar, I understand everything that he knows,"

"Alright, I suppose," Twilight shrugs"So then, what's up, puddin'?"

"Well, I didn't bang Applejack, and that put a lot of things into perspective for me."

"So you haven't banged AJ yet. You can get around to her later, right?"

"No, I mean, I went to her house and got her in the bedroom, but she wouldn't fuck me because I'd break her in half."

"Wow," Twilight says, "that's shockingly in character for her. Well, I suggest you go rut someone with a little less logic next, say… Pinkie Pie?"

"Yeah!" Bathspounge says, excited and reinvigorated, "She's so stretchy and cartoonish, I could hilt in her without even snapping a rib!"

Twilight rubs her own broken ribs, forlorn. "Yeah, you do that. Well, bye honey," she says, kissing Bathspounge on his cheek. After Bathspounge leaves, Twilight licks her lips. Yep, that's Spounge's semen. How even?

Bathspounge then bursts into Sugarcube Corner, again because it's a public building and he can just do that. "Pinkie Pie!!" He yells at the top of his lungs as he rushes for the counter, stopping before he reaches it because he isn't really a fan of having his flesh filled with glass and covered in confections.

"Hai Snowflake! What's up?" Pinkie Pie says, her delicious voice bouncing like a trampoline on another, slightly larger trampoline.

"So I know you're working, also it's Bathspounge, but do you think we could duck into the back for a quickie?" Bathspounge asks. His question receives a response from the crowd waiting for pastries similar to that of a crowd of southerners to the concept that homosexuality isn't a choice: disbelief.

"Pfft! Silly, I don't work here. And I'm always down for some hot, rough, incredibly skillfully written pony-sex!" Pinkie Pie says, her voice still like that thing with the trampolines.

"Coolio, hot-pony," (AN: DAT'S A REFRANCE TO AVATER: THE LAST AREBENDER.) Bathspounge says as he follows her into the back for semen frosting and sex. "So, Ponks, what's the game plan?"

"Well I was hoping you’d put your batter in my oven (AN:GEDDIT? BATHSPOUNGE’S DICK IS DA BATTER AND PINKE PI’S VAJINA IS DA OVIN AND SHE IS A BAKER SO IT’S A DOBLE ONTONDRA, MY ENGISH TECHUR TAUGHT ME ABOT DOSE), and then you could frost my buns (AN: GEDDIT? BATHSPOUNGE’S C-MEN IS DA FROSTING IS DA FROSTING AND PINKE PI’S “BUNS” ARE DA BUNS) with your creamy frosting (AN: GEDDIT? BATHSPOUNGE’S C-MEN IS DA FROSTING IS DA FROSTING).”

I’m starting to become concerned about you.
(AN: I’ll kill you.)
I’ll leave, then this story will just be you jacking off on a page.
(AN: Please don’t. I’ll write your OC into it!)
Can you not?

“Yeah, that’ll do just peachy (AN: GEDDIT? CAUSE, there is no pun here, shit),” Bathspounge says easily.

Pinkie Pie turns her ass to Bathspounge, pulling up her tail and displaying her labia to him.

"I'm not quite ready to bake, Pinkie, I'll think you'll have to prepare the ingredients," Bathspounge says, leaning against a counter so as to better facilitate a blowjob from Pinkie Pie.

She nods and wraps her lips around his shaft, slurping it down with little effort. Bathspounge moans in pleasure as she does this, making Pinkie Pie giggle. The huge dick in her mouth cuts her laugh short though, like an asthmatic hyena.

Every part of Pinkie Pie is soft and puffy: from her tongue lapping actions the bottom of his veiny cock, to her incredibly hot and tight throat, which is massaging the rest of his shaft, begging to pump her full of his jizz. Bathspounge holds himself back, he wants this moment to last. But, realizing he can still give her pussy a good filling and plaster her ass even if he cums now, he grabs the back of Pinkie Pie's head and pushes her farther down, hilting himself in her before cumming.

His flare swells, blocking any semen from pushing back up her throat. His balls tighten up against his body, pushing sperm into the flow of semen coming from his prostate. Muscular contractions force the mixture out of his dick with great force, spraying her insides with his semen. More and more is pushed from Bathspounge's urethra, gallon after gallon filling her belly before it is filled to bursting and starts to inflate, just like the balloons on her cutie mark. After about three minutes of solid ejaculation, Bathspounge's flow peters out and he pulls out. Pinkie Pie is now resting atop her filled gut, none of her hooves reaching the ground.

Then………………….. A WILD EDITOR’S SELF-INSERT OC APPEARED!!!!!!!!!

Off: the general direction I want you to fuck.

A dark gray earth pony with a mane like bacon in both coloration and shape and with a cutie mark bearing the image of the star of life, meaning he’s an EMT, for a lack of a better explanation on the part of the author. “...Seriously? Are you two actually just banging in the middle of business hours? I’m just here for some coffee, an- That is an enourmous penis. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t passed out from lack of blood to your brain. That said, logic seems to hold no meaning in this room, so I’ll just wait outside to berate you for your behavior once you’re done.” The entire schpeel is recited with little emotion other than initial disgust at the two and minor impression at Bathspounge’s size.

Bathspounge moves around to behind her and pushes his still hard penis into her winking vag, stretching her as the pleasuring pole slides into her. Bathspounge takes of Pinkie's rear legs in each of his forelegs and pulls against her, sliding in until his flare hits her cervix, and she screams in pure ecstasy. But Bathspounge isn't done yet: he pulls harder against Pinkie Pie, forcing her cervix to give way to his incorrigible dick. Pinkie Pie screams again at the top of her lungs as her very womb is penetrated. Bathspounge's dick hits her womb's back wall and continues pushing, stretching her even farther before he finally hilts. Bathspounge just sits there for a moment, enjoying the feeling of Pinkie Pie's cavern spasming around her as pleasure rocks her like a boat in a hurricane.

He pops in only long enough to point out another flaw with the course of events. “Refractory periods are a thing, you know. You do know what those are, right?”

Bathspounge slowly pulls out, sliding a few out of her before slamming back in, eliciting another spectacular moan from Pinkie. He repeats this again and again, making Pinkie moan loud enough that surely the customers outside can hear her and know how fucking big this stallion is.

And as Bathspounge goes faster, and faster, and faster, his balls slap against Pinkie's swollen belly, making her puke up a small splitter of his jizz. This process of him pulling out, and then slamming in, forcing a splurt of cum from her mouth continues until Bathspounge can’t hold back anymore and hilts himself, having another orgasm.

Bathspounge cums again. Balls tighten, flare flares, and semen starts to flow directly into the party pony's womb, undoubtedly impregnating her. He hugs against her backside as his cum-cannon goes off inside her, filling her even more.

“Apparently not. I’d explain, but I have no incentive to do so...”

When Bathspounge comes down from his second orgasm of the Pinkie Pie, he's clung to her rump, which is about six feet up in the air because of how filled Pinkie Pie is. He pulls out and looks for a way down before Pinkie Pie speaks.

"I've still got one hole that isn't filled," she gurgles between coughs of semen. She shakes her ass to entice him to pump that final, forbidden domain full of his baby batter.

“I think I should just go, before I begin questioning reality any further,” my editor's self insert says before leaving through the door he entered by.

You are the winter of my discontent.

Bathspounge looks at her, he gets to try anal, finally. Bathspounge turns back around and slams into her ass with no remorse, filling her anus with his dick, the tip reaching up into the semen sea of her stomach. But he doesn't care, he's inside Pinkie Pie's ass. As this is his third time in a little under and hour, Bathspounge can't last long, and soon, he's pumping Pinkie's third hole full.

Words, and words, and words to describe the voluminous of his ejaculation. Bathspounge then steps down from Pinkie Pie to examine his handiwork. She is stuck in a permanents state of bliss, he eyes rolled up and her tongue hanging out: a stream of spittle, and semen, falling from it. She's laying on her stomach which now bulges so far in each direction that Pinkie Pie’s hooves can't reach beyond it. Semen pours from all of her holes as the muscle spasms of her continued orgasms force it out.

Bathspounge cleans himself up in the sink, yoinks a muffin from the counter, and starts walking out of Sugarcube Corner, thinking about who's left to bang.

As Bathspounge walks out of the kitchen, the kitchen of sex, he spots a couple eating at a table in front of him. A brown earth pony feeds muffins to the gray coated, yellow maned pegasus sitting next him. As Bathspounge watches them simply enjoy each other's company, he can’t help but think of his own relationship with Twilight. He raises the muffin to his mouth and takes a bite from it.

“Huh, me and Twilight: what a joke that is. Today was the first time in weeks we had met and not fucked, and we were still talking about sex.” He steps away from the couple, so as not to appear weird as he starts crying. “Does Twilight even know anything about me other than what I feel like inside her?! Where I grew up? What I majored in? Why I call myself Bathspounge? No, none of it!” He takes a seat and slumpd down on the table, sobbing as he munches on his muffin with soft, adorable noms. “It’s not like I’m being a hypocrite, I know all about Twilight. She was born in Canterlot, she has one brother; she double-majored in magical history and practical magic, with a minor in runeography before she returned to get a BA in arcane theory, followed later by a doctorate in spellcraft; and she was named Twilight Sparkle after her mother, Twilight Velvet.” Bathspounge finishes off his muffin and stares down at the table before him, no longer sobbing, but still frowning. “I should fix that, today. I want to have a real relationship with Twilight; she deserves better than me, and I don’t want to fuck up this chance our god Stan has given me, and lose her forever.”

“Um, are you okay?” a voice asks, pulling Bathspounge from his thoughts.

“Hmm, what?” Bathspounge asks as he pulls up, seeing the puffy orange haired mare standing there with a concerned look on her face.

“Are, you, okay?” Carrot Top asks, enunciating each word.

“Yes, yes, well, no, no, not really, no.”

“Oh, um, can I try to help?” she asks as she sits down across from him.

Bathspounge nods.

“What’s the problem?” she asks as she stares into Bathspounge’s eyes.

“Well, my marefriend and I have been dating for a couple weeks, right?” Carrottop nods. “And, when I saw a couple eating together earlier, I realized that me and her never just talk, we’re always having sex.” He sighs. “I don’t know think she knows anything about me.”

“Kinda the opposite of what most stallions would want,” Carrottop chuckles, before stopping herself to help Spounge out. “Listen, I’ll try to help. So, when I was in high school, I dated this one stallion who I didn’t share any classes, or lunch, with. We barely got to talk to each other due to scheduling. But, like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. So, maybe, your marefriend just wants to make sure you have a good time whenever she is with you?”

“That makes sense,” Bathspounge says after a moment of silence. “Thing is though, we’re usually together, having sex or sleeping it off. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the sex, it’s just that I want to have a real, emotional relationship with her.”

“Well, maybe she feels the same way, and she just wants to make sure you won’t leave her, so she gives you all the sex that she thinks you want.”

“You really think Twilight would feel that way?”

“Yes, I- Wait! Twilight? Twilight Sparkle?” Carrot Top asks, shocked.

“Yes, you know her?”

“Of course. And as an answer to you previous question, yes. Twilight doesn’t always know how to tell other ponies what she wants or how she feels about things because she fears she’ll upset them, so she remains silent. If you want to date Twilight, you need to talk with her about what you want, and what she wants. Otherwise, she’ll slowly become a sad, subservient, housewife.”

“Implying I don’t want a subservient housewife to batter,” Bathspounge says like a total ass. Carrot Top gives him a look. “Kidding, kidding. Um, yeah, that sounds accurate. Thank you for this Ms…?” Bathspounge asks as he stands up to leave.

“Carrot Top,” she says as she holds out and shakes his hoof, bidding him goodbye.

“Bathspounge. Pleasure meeting you. And, again, thank you so much for helping me out.”

“Any time,” she says as she walk shim rush off, his sheath bobbing hypnotically. “Twilight sure is a lucky mare,” she thinks to herself.

Bathspounge bursts into Twilight’s library and walks up to her, grabbing her around the shoulders and spinning her around.

“Spounge! You’re back! But I can’t have sex right now, I need to work,” Twilight says as she tries to struggle out of his grip.

Bathspounge pushes his muzzle against hers, locking their lips and pushing his tongue into her open mouth, catching her off guard before she melts against him in the kiss. Bathspounge reluctantly pulls himself off of his beautiful marefriend. “Twilight,” he says sternly, “We need to talk.”

“Alright Spounge. What do you want to talk about?” She asks, smiling at her lovely clotfriend.

“I love you Twilight, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But if we’re gonna spend years and years with each other, we need to learn to communicate what we want and don’t want.”

“Reasonable,” Twilight says, nodding.

“So, I do absolutely love having sex with you, but there’s more than lust in love.”

“Oh thank Celestia!” Twilight says, relieved. “You’ve really worn me out, but I kept at it because I didn’t want to disappoint you and have you find another mare.”

“Twilight,” Bathspounge manages before hugging her tightly. She reciprocates his hug, as well as the sobs into her shoulder. “I will never, ever, abandon you. You’re perfect Twilight, and I want nothing more in life than to be with you.”

“I love you too, Spounge. At first, I wasn’t sure: you’re very energetic, and pretty demanding. But you’re also one of the most devoted, courtice, and accepting ponies I’ve ever met. You’re willing to at least try anything, and you don’t let your own differing opinions get in the way of being friends with somepony.”

“Thank you Twilight. So, how’s work going?” he asks, breaking their hug.

“I’m way ahead of schedule. I was actually thinking about taking a break, would you like to go down to Rarity’s together? You needed something sewn, if I remember correctly.”

“Extending the crouches of my dress pants,” Bathspounge says with a light chuckle. “Yeah, let’s go down there. But first, would you like to eat? I’ve only had a muffin today.”

“Yeah, sure,” she says as she walks into the kitchen with him. “But, as you know, I can’t cook.”

“It’s fine Twi, I’ll whip something up,” Bathspouneg says, moving to her cabinets to look for ingredients.

“Are you sure?” Twilight asks. “It’s no problem.”

“No Twilight, it’s fine. Go sit down at the table, I’ll only be a moment,” Bathspounge gestures to her small, two pony seating table.

“Aw. Thanks, bae. You’re great.”

“No, you’re great.”

“No, you’re great.”

We’re all great, all of us.

No, not everyone. Somewhere there are four people out there who have semi-functioning brain-cells and hormone patterns.

All of us.

I’m done.

Author's Note

My editor is being a bitch.