Celestia, You've Got Mail

by memphisgurl

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Spike, Comedy, Princess Celestia
Length: 1143

Spike manages to breathe fire when he attempts to light the Equestria Games torch; it's just the wrong kind.

Instead of lighting the Equestria Games torch, Spike accidentally uses his mail flame.

Published 2014-06-19 22:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-19 22:30:04 UTC

Mail Delivery

“And you’re quite certain you understand exactly what you’re supposed to do?”

Spike nodded, “I stand where you tell me until you give me the signal, and then I walk over and light the torch.”

“Mmm,” Ms. Harshwhinny said, “Couldn’t be simpler.”

Spike and Ms. Harshwhinny exit the tunnel and are immediately met by the overwhelming volume of cheering from the crowd in the stadium. Spike’s eyes widen as he gasps and appears to become rooted to the spot.

Noticing that Spike was no longer following her, Ms. Harshwhinny asked in exasperation, “ Mr. The Dragon, are you coming?” No reply. “Honestly. Would somepony help him walk?”

As he was pushed forward by two guards, Spike thought, “Oh no, I can’t do this. There are too many ponies out there. Why did I agree to this? They’re all going to see me fail. Oh, sweet Celestia, somepony help me!”

He was jolted out of his thoughts as Ms. Harshwhinny shoves her face into his and snaps, “Mr. The Dragon!”

Gulping, Spike begins to climb the ladder to the top of the torch his panic growing steadily larger. Once at the top of the ladder Spike inhales and has a coughing fit. He intertwines his claws and says to himself, “Come on, Spike! Calm yourself! Count to ten. One… two… three… thousand… fourteen thousand... Twenty thousand…! Thirty thousand!” He pauses and tries to light the torch again. “Tell me this isn’t happening…”

After one more try, Spike looks over his shoulder back at Ms. Harshwhinny who shouts angrily, “Mr. The Dragon! Would you light the torch already?”

Meekly, Spike replies, “I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t have the stuff today! Did you bring a match?”

Rolling her eyes, Ms. Harshwhinny says acidly, “You’re a fire-breathing dragon.”

“Then some cough drops, maybe?” Spike rasps.

Ms. Harshwhinny’s only reply is an indignant snarl.

Shrinking back, Spike says, “Never mind, I’ll keep trying.”

Spike works his jaw open and closed trying to help himself, and breathes out one more time. Flames come out his mouth and engulf the torch. Green flames, like the ones he uses to mail Twilight’s letters. Noticing this, Spike begins to panic inwardly once more. “Nononononono, this can’t be happening. Please tell me those aren’t what I think they are!”

When the flames disappear, Spike sneaks a look at the torch. Or rather where the torch had been. The torch had disappeared. For a few seconds, the entire stadium is silent until a scream is heard from where the Princesses are sitting. Falling out of the air, with a cloud of green and silver smoke around it is the torch. Frozen, in place Celestia stares upwards in shock. At the last second, Twilight Sparkle teleported Celestia out of the way, just before the torch smashed into her throne.

Spike climbs down the ladder and is immediately confronted by Ms. Harshwhinny, “What was that? You were supposed to light the torch not use it to give Princess Celestia a heart attack!”

Spike looks around nervously, searching for words to explain. Unable to settle on an explanation that he liked, Spike merely shrugged. Snorting, Ms. Harshwhinny stomps away from him. Now alone, Spike turns his head to look at where Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, and Princess Twilight Sparkle were gathered. His heart lurches guiltily as he realizes that Princess Celestia is indeed huddled on the ground clutching her heart. Pacing around her, deep within another of her panic attacks is Twilight. Princess Luna and Princess Cadance are standing completely still as if they are in shock.

Unsure of what to do, Spike swivels his head to where Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity were sitting. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are both sitting with their mouths open while Fluttershy is curled up, whimpering, in Applejack’s lap. Applejack is doing her best to comfort Fluttershy while also staring up at the Princesses in shock. Rarity had conjured her fainting couch and was collapsed upon it much to the annoyance of the ponies around her. Biting his claws, Spike looks around the rest of the stadium to find that most of the other ponies are faring in similar ways though there are a few who are screaming bloody murder.

Hearing the tell-tale pop of a teleportation spell behind him, Spike gulps and apprehensively turns around. Standing a few steps away from him is an absolutely furious purple alicorn. “What. The. Hell. Were. You. Thinking?” she growls, “You almost killed Princess Celestia!”

Before Twilight can attack him further, Spike blurts out, “It was an accident, Twilight! I swear! I just got nervous and was trying to even get my fire to come out. I didn’t realize my mail flame was on. Please! You have to believe me!” By now, he was practically kissing her hooves and was weeping uncontrollably.

Seeing this, Twilight’s expression softens, and she says in a gentler tone, “I’m sorry, Spike. I shouldn’t have immediately attacked you without getting your side of the story. I believe that you didn’t do this on purpose. Can you forgive me for being so impertinent?”

“Of course I forgive you, Twilight!” Spike says, “I’m just glad you don’t hate me!”

“Hate you? Spike, I could never hate you!”

The two embrace in a tearful hug just as Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, and Princess Celestia appear on the platform behind them.

Spike instantly pulls out of the hug and bows before the princesses. “I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to mail you the torch, Princess! Please, forgive me!”

Celestia chuckles, “I’m not mad at you, Spike. In fact, I’m more annoyed at Twilight than at you.”

“What?” Spike and Twilight Sparkle exclaim in unison.

Throwing herself at Celestia’s hooves, Twilight begs, “Whatever, I did wrong Princess, I’m sorry! I was just trying to save you!”

“That was what you did wrong Twilight,” Celestia interrupts, “I wasn’t in need of saving. You ruined my first chance to have real fun in over a thousand years! I was planning to make it seem like the torch had killed me, let everypony panic for a while, then reveal that I was alive and perfectly all right. But you just had to be noble, and ruin everything!”

Luna, Cadance, and Spike stare dumbstruck at Celestia who is watching her student intently. Twilight’s face goes from purple to red and her horn starts to glow.

Far away in the Everfree forest, Zecora raises her head in the direction of the Crystal Empire. Erupting into the sky is a large pillar of flames accompanied by an inarticulate scream of rage.

Author's Note

Just a random idea I had that I put together in about ten minutes on my phone. Let me know if I missed any glaring errors. Hope you enjoyed it!