Biographies And Fallacies
“Hello there! My name is Rarity, Rarity Belle. I assume that you have heard of me of course”
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…
…
“N-no? … Oh, well that’s alright, I suppose. If you don’t know who I am now, you will soon enough! Well, I suppose a proper introduction is in order then”
“*Ahem* As I said, my name is Rarity, Rarity Belle. I’m a fashion designer from a small town called Ponyville. I make the most fabulous ensembles for only the most sophisticated and influential members of society… Oh and I make dresses for my friends sometimes as well, but their not important enough for me to go into more detail. Moving on!”
Due to some absolutely ludicrous bad luck, I have yet to make myself known in the fashion industry. Fret not however, for that shall not be the the case for long. This is the tale of how I, the most beautiful and gracious (not to mention humble) pony in all of Equestria, endeavored to better all the citizens of Equestria in the ways of fashion, by spreading the knowledge of my beauty!
It all began when my dear friend Rainbow Da-
Oh, what was that? You never introduced yourself? Oh, don’t worry darling, I really couldn’t care less who you are and I’m certain that my fair readers would agree. So don’t you worry your fashionless little head about it. All you need to worry about is writing down every little thing that I say. We must be sure not to leave out any details after all.
So, as I was saying!
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It all began when my dear friend, Rainbow Dash, entered herself into the Best Young Flyers competition in Cloudsdale. On the surface it surely would have seemed like she was excited. However, it was easy for one such as I to see from the beginning that she had a serious case of stage fright. I mean anypony who paid any attention to the way she was acting would have noticed that. So of course Applejack, poor, simple, naive Applejack didn’t notice this. That mare is many things, but observant is not one of them. Regardless, as such a dear friend, I refrained from informing Applejack of her simple mindedness and simply corrected her. As usual.
After informing us of her desire to see us cheering her on in the stands, I knew that we must find a way to attend Rainbow’s competition. However, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight and I are unable to walk on clouds. Which in extent meant that we would not be able to step hoof in Cloudsdale. Literally. But that would never stop one such as I!
Being such a great friend, I would never leave my own friends face such an event alone. So I painstakingly researched a way for the four of us to surmount this rather sizable obstacle. After I don’t know how much effort, I finally found a way! With my immense magical abilities I was able to bestow upon myself a magnificent pair of butterfly wings made of gossamer and morning dew. Oh, they were absolutely gorgeous!
Unfortunately the spell proved too difficult for even I to cast it more than once. So I endeavored to simply use a cloudwalking spell on Applejack, Twilight and Pinkie. And without a moments hesitation I lead them all to the nearest hot-air balloon rental station.
Once we finally arrived in Cloudsdale I quickly realized that something odd was going on. Everypony was staring at me! Or more accurately, my new wings. Now, most ponies would shy away from such attention but not I! No, Rarity Diamond Belle revels in the spotlight! It is where I belong, it is where I shall remain for all to gaze upon my alabaster glory! Uahaha!
Of course I did what any modest pony would do in such a situation. I basked in the attention. I mean can you blame me? Oh the praise and adoration I received everywhere I went was absolutely fabulous! Anypony would have done the same. Now, some less sensible ponies tried to say that I was being a “show off” or that I was being an “attention whore”. The audacity of some ponies! Do they not know who they are talking about? I am Rarity, the best fashion designer this side of Canterlot! They should be grateful I even allowed them to lay their eyes upon me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“What are you snickering at!? It is quite rude to interrupt me while I am working”
(Hey, it’s me the nameless writer. I’m sorry about this terrible excuse for a story. I mean even I know that half of the things I’ve written here are complete lies. Although, if you’re reading this I suppose it doesn’t bother you too much)
“What are you writing now? I didn’t tell you to write anything!”
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“Stop doing that!”
(Sorry about that but if I’m gonna write this crap I’m gonna at least try to have some fun with it)
“Now, if you’ll stop being so rude, we can get back to writing my biography”
(As you wish... Raribitch)
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While I was being admired by a particular group of stallions one of them suggested that I join the Best Young Flyers Competition myself. Of course it took me no more than a second to decide what I would do. If I joined the contest I would be going against one of my best friends. What if I were to win? Oh, it would crush Rainbow, this was such an important thing to her after all…
So of course I said yes.
If I want to become the top name in fashion in Equestria, I can’t allow one pony being upset get in the way of my fabulosity. Not even dear Rainbow Dash.
I knew right away that this competition would be the perfect place to showcase not just myself but my talents as well. Rainbow may be a ruff n’ gruff athlete but I have no unfortunate traits such as that. So I knew that my grace, beauty and humility would be my advantage.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(Okay… This piece of garbage has gone on long enough. I can’t do this anymore)
“H-hey! What are you doing? Why have you stopped writing!?”
“Sorry miss Rarity. But I’m afraid you’ll have to find some other loser to write this trash you call a biography”
“What!? How dare you! I’m paying you a lot of bits to write my autobiography!
“There are two things wrong with that statement. First, you’re not paying me at all! Second, an autobiography is supposed to be written by the pony it’s about. So go right it yourself”
“Ugh! You can’t possibly be suggesting that I do something so menial as writing. That’s a job for slobs like you.”
“... Yeah, I’m leaving now”
“Wait, come back! ...No pony says no to Rarity!”
“I just did!”
“Get back here!”
“Go suck a fat one!”
“Why you! How dare you say something so vulgar to me! Fine. Go. I don’t want somepony so filthy writing my biography anyway. How hard could it possibly be to write it myself?”
Seven Hours Later
“... How do you spell biography?”
