My Spikey-Wikey

by The Sci-Fi Freak

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4130

This is a story that features Rarity, the rare beauty (yes that's what I like to call her) and her number one favorite dragon: Spike as they both go to run errands together and end up running into dangers and end protecting themselves, violently. And during this journey, Rarity learns a lesson about how to treat her dragon friend.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-20 07:17:56 UTC

My Spikey-Wikey (otherwise known as the only chapter)

Spike, my one and only favorite dragon, many say he is Twilight’s #1 assistant, but nope. He is my #1 assistant, because you see, Spike or Spikey-Wikey as I love to call him, has a crush on me and whenever he’s around, he looks at me as a work of art, a thing of absolute beauty and his eyes virtually turn into hearts when he sees me. He always blushes and stumbles over his words when he talks to me and I tell him stuff like “You’re my #1 favorite dragon,” he’ll blush even more. And of course, with him having a crush on me, and seeing how he shows levels loyalty to anypony, Spike seems to do whatever I tell him to do, whether it’s to hand me a string for my sewing machine or to fan me when I’m hot. Sometimes I use his loyalty my advantage, to further my efforts to make dresses to help me relax.

“Hey, Rarity, what are you doing?” said Spike while entering the room. I quickly closed up my laptop and said “Uh…nothing, Spikey-Wikey”, “Oh well, I brought that drink you wanted” he said while holding a glass of Martini in his hand, “Oh thank you, Spike, that is why you are my favorite dragon” I said. He blushed and smiled, “Oh, thank you, uh, Rarity” he chuckled, I loved it when he blushed and chuckled like that, he was so adorable. He handed me the glass and I took a sip and it tasted great as always, I placed the glass down on my bedside stand and I told Spike my plans for today. “Hey, Spike, listen, I got handle some errands today, do you want to come with me?” I asked, then Spike’s eyes lite up and he said, “Do I?!” with great enthusiasm, “Alright, then let’s go” I said. I put on my Fire Ruby necklace, the one that made out of the Fire Ruby, Spike gave to me and Spike put a gun holster and what appeared to be a pistol, I asked him, “Spike, darling, can you please explain to me why you have a gun holster and a uh, gun?” “Just in case any…suspicious ponies try to cause us any problems” said Spike, I didn’t really understand what Spike meant, but I simply said “Okay” and then he said “You should take a weapon too” and I said “No thank you” and then I walked out of the room and he followed.

We left the room and I had my to-do-list with me, I was holding it with my magic and I began telling Spike, the things we had to do, “Okay, Spike, first we have to go get some diamonds” I said, “Where are we going to find diamonds?” asked Spike, “In the same place where those Diamond Dogs kidnapped me” I said, “Are you sure there?” he said, “Yes I am sure” I said, then all of a sudden, I bumped into these three stallions with Mohawks, wearing chains and spikey bracelets, their outfits just looked dreadful. They looked at me and Spike, “Oh hello, Spike” said the leader, or the one in the middle of the three, “What do you want?” said Spike with a serious tone, “Oh, we’ve been looking all over for you” said the leader, “Is this girlfriend?” the leader asked, I was about to correct him, and say “Actually, I’m just his friend” but before I could finish my sentence, Spike shushed me by covering my mouth with two of his fingers and said “ Yeah she’s my girlfriend” while sweating and in a nervous tone, “Oh I see. Where is the case?” the leader asked, “I don’t have it, now please leave us” said Spike, “Why? We just met, we should get know each other, especially this sexy bitch here” the leader. I was genuinely offended when he called me a ‘sexy bitch’, because I hate being called a bitch, so much that I feel like punching or seriously injuring the pony that called that derogatory term. I was going to say something, but before I could say anything, Spike said “Listen here, we are not looking for trouble, we just want to go do errands, so fuck off!”, then before I knew it, the Mohawk stallions popped out pocket knives and the leader said “Fuck you, asshole!” and then Spike pulled the pistol out of the holster and shot one of the stallions and then he grabbed me and we both began running. One of the remaining stallions fired a shotgun at us. I was pretty scared, because for one, a couple of ponies were trying to kill us and also, I had no idea why these ponies were trying to kill us. Spike shot back at these ponies and I continued running. Spike shot at other two ponies, he killed one and now there was only one.

We hid behind an alley and the remaining pony gave up and walked away, I guess he was too lazy to search for us any further. “They’re gone” said Spike, “Let’s go” he continued and we continued our trek. We travelled to the outskirts of Ponyville, into the Everfree Forest and as we were walking through, we heard some strange noises. I was startled greatly, “What was that?” I asked, Spike, took the gun out again and started pointing it in all directions and then I saw several green eyes in the darkness of the forest and then I heard very eerie cackling noises and then one of the creatures jumped out of the darkness and revealed itself to a Timber Wolf. As this Timber Wolf jumped out of the darkness, three others jumped out as well and were slowly walking toward us, growling at us and then Spike shot one of them in the head and the head just blew up and then green liquid squirted out, and got on me and him. I screamed at my dirtiness, because my beauty white fur was now stained by green blood from a Timber Wolf. The other Timber Wolves grew angry and Spike shouted “Run!” and we began running. The Timber Wolves chased us and Spike pointed his gun back at them and I didn’t see if he hit them or not, but considering they were still alive and still chasing us, he probably didn’t hit them. One of the Timber Wolves jumped in the air and opened its mouth and I screamed, because I was very terrified and then Spike shot it and it’s foot kicked me and I fell down, but the Timber Wolf landed two feet from me. The Timber Wolf was growling loudly and drool was coming out of its mouth and it was trying to get up, but then Spike shot it again and it collapsed. It started making whimpering noises, but Spike continued shooting it, and it died with glowing green blood oozing out of the gunshot wounds on its chest. Then the one of the last two Timber Wolves jumped on Spike and started biting and they rolled into the bushes. I was shocked and I screamed “Spikey-Wikey!” and then he breathed his green fire at its head and the creature’s head bursted into flames. It was screaming in pain as the fire burned it’s wooden head which we all know that fire and wood don’t go together and coexist with each other very well. As the Timber Wolf’s head continued to burn, Spike, with both of his hands, crushed the Timber Wolf’s head and it’s head crumbled up into red burning wood coals. I wasn’t sure if I should go in and help him, because he seemed to be doing fine on his own and then I felt that I was just standing around and doing nothing and just being useless, so I decided to help. I picked up a rock with my magic and then I ran into the bushes and I smashed the Timber Wolf’s flank with the rock and it’s entire backside fell apart, breaking up into smaller wood pieces and green blood leaked out and then Spike punched into the Timber Wolf’s chest and ripped out its heart, which was covered in glowing green blood and then green blood just spilt out of the body and then the wooden body collapsed and the wood had no life anymore.  I was astonished at Spike’s fighting skills, it was something I’ve never seen before from him, I was saw him as an innocent little baby dragon who had a crush on me, but once we ran into those Mohawk stallions, my Spikey-Wikey has become a fighter, and a brutal one at that, and so have I, and I don’t usually like fighting; I am now worried, that I might turn into a barbaric pony, but then again, I’ve fought before.

Spike said “Alright, let’s go” and we continued on, I asked, a pretty stupid question retrospect, the question was “Are you okay?”, I only asked that question because I was worried that the Timber Wolves might have injured him or something and I didn’t want Spike to be hurt. “I’m alright” he said, then he said “Oh shit…” and I stopped and I asked, “What is it?” and he answered “I’m out of bullets”, “Oh okay, so are you sure you’ll be able to defend us?” I asked him, “Yeah, I got my fire breath and my claws. Let’s just go get your diamonds and go home” he said. He continued and I followed. After walking for a while, we reached the diamond dog hole area, there were lots of diamonds here, I know because I could feel it with my magic, so I told Spike to start digging, I said, “Okay, Spike, found some diamonds, so uh, get digging” and he said “Okay” in a not so enthusiastic voice. I think Spike’s enthusiasm was fading because the stuff we’ve been dealing with so far, but I felt that Spike had wanted to be with me and that was good enough for him, and I wanted the diamonds and that was good enough for me. I watched as he dug and then emerging from one of the holes was two Diamond Dogs, “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” one of them, I was about to answer,  but Spike answered first, “None of your fucking business!” he said, “Wait a second, is that pony the same pony we met last time?” one of the Diamond Dogs asked, “Yeah, that white one with the purple mane, the one we kidnapped” said the second, “Yeah, she’s the same, now leave us alone!” shouted Spike in an angry tone. I had never seen Spike this angry in my life, well I guess I understand given that we have encountered so many dangers and have encountered another danger with these Diamond Dogs. “Make us!” said one of the Diamond Dogs, then Spike growls and he charged at them and jumped on the smaller one, the one that said “Make us!” and he started slashing that dog’s face with his claws, blood was coming out of the slash marks made by Spike’s claws and that Diamond Dog was screaming in agony, shouting “Get it off! Get it off!” and then the bigger Diamond Dog grabbed Spike and threw him into the ground and Spike growled more and the big Diamond Dog growled at him back and then he jumped onto that one and he breathed fire in his face. The Diamond Dog was screaming in agony was Spike was literally burning his face to a crisp, the other Diamond Dog pulled out a dagger from a holster and stabbed Spike in the leg (his right leg) and Spike grunted and scratched his face more with his feet claws and then breathed more fire at the big Diamond Dog’s face as he was doing this, Spike ripped out his left eye out, painfully slow and he was screaming in agony even more as the Spike was pulling the eye out and eventually he ripped the whole eyeball out with the optic nerve still attached, I was both shocked and disgusted at the same time. Then the small Diamond Dog came towards me and I reacted and defended myself by throwing a large rock (with my magic) at his head, and that knocked him out unconscious and Spike seeing, saw an opportunity to kill the big Diamond Dog with the dagger, Spike jumped off the Diamond Dog’s face and he screamed in the pain after landing, because his right leg was hurting after being stabbed by the very dagger he is trying to retrieve. He limped towards the unconscious Diamond Dog and pulled the dagger out his hand and then jumped back onto the big Diamond Dog’s face and he stabbed him in the neck, and dug that dagger deep in his neck, until it was in his throat. The Diamond Dog was bleeding intensely, making horrible sounding choking sounds and he fell down and soon died from excessive blood loss. Spike grabbed my left front leg and lead me away from the area.

We walked back into the forest, towards what looked like a large rectangular object covered with a camouflage cloth and plants, I asked him, “Uh…Spike, what is that?” and he answered “It’s an armory”, I was puzzled when he said ‘armory,’ “Armory?” I asked, “Yeah, me and Twilight set it up, a day ago” he answered, “Oh” I simply said. Spike pulled the cloth and plants off of the ‘armory’ and it was a black storage unit with door handles, Spike pulled on it and opened it and it was filled up with nothing but guns. I was astonished, “Wow Spikey-Wikey, you sure do have a lot of guns” I said, “Isn’t it glorious?” asked Spike, “I guess” I answered, “Well grab some weapons, because I’m pretty sure those Mohawk stallions are going to be all over Ponyville searching for the two of us” said Spike, “Why?” I asked, “Because we killed two of them, and they want revenge probably” Spike answered while grabbing a pistol and loading it up with a magazine filled with 12 bullets, “Now grab a weapon, Rarity” he said. I looked around to find a weapon, I wanted to use, and I ultimately decided to grab two machine guns, more specifically two MP5Ks, with two magazines for each one and then all of a sudden, the other Diamond Dog arrived and he barked loudly and I was startled so much, I shot him in his chest, with 5 bullets and he looked at his gunshot wound and he was shocked and was groaning and then I shot him again and continued shooting him and his body was being penetrated by over a dozen bullets every second. He was literally being shredded to pieces by these bullets, his already scratched face was falling apart and exposing his flesh underneath and blood was spraying everywhere, and I got a blood splatter on my face, near my left eye, but I didn’t pay attention to it at first, as I continued shooting the Diamond Dog. I couldn’t stop, for some reason, I was unable to stop shooting the Diamond Dog, I was shockingly having fun, while doing it and I wanted to keep doing it. So I kept shooting him, and kept shooting him, and each time, the Diamond Dog was getting more shredded to pieces, he collapsed to ground and I walked towards him and kept shooting him and his legs, arms, and chest getting a dozen bullet shot into them and blood was spraying out and I kept shooting him, until I ran out of bullets. Smoke was coming out of the barrels of the guns and Spike was shocked, He was speechless and so was I and we looked at the body of the Diamond Dog and that body was just trashed, like his face was shredded it up into pretty much hamburger and blood was leaking out of all the bullet holes. From then on, I was officially a changed mare.

Spike finally spoke after standing behind me in shocked silence, he asked me “Hey, why don’t we go back to Ponyville?” and I answered “Okay sure, but I got to reload first”, so I grabbed two magazines, took out the empty ones and put in the full ones and I was ready to go. We began walking back to Ponyville and while we were walking back, I was thinking, of all the times Spike has helped me, I’ve never said thank you, I know that when I wrote in my laptop, I said I took advantage of Spike and I was right, but now after all these dangers we’ve encountered, and how I have single hoofingly killed a Diamond Dog with two well fuck off machine guns, I realized, I have been wrong in taking advantage of the little dragon all these years, after he saved his life. I was going to say something, but I was too nervous to say anything, worried that I might disturb our friendship for Spike would know that I have been using him, more specifically his crush on me to my advantage in getting whatever I wanted and he would hate me and call me a shallow gold-digger or something along those lines, so I kept my mouth shut and kept moving.

We eventually made it to Ponyville, and we both were on edge. We knew that more of those Mohawk stallions were around the town, looking for us, wanting to kill us, so Spike took out his pistol, pushed down the hammer in the back of the gun to load the bullets into the barrel and I did the same with my two MP5Ks. We entered the town through an alleyway to avoid being seen by any malevolent ponies. Spike put his index finger to his lip to signal me to be extra quiet as he looked out the alleyway and saw a bunch of Mohawk stallions, patrolling the streets of the town, searching…for us. Spike whispered “There’s more Mohawk ponies, most of them are unicorns and earth ponies” and then he said, in that same quiet tone, “On the count of the three, I’m going to shoot the two ponies walking in-front of this very alleyway, and if anything happens, then you jump in and attack them with you machine guns--“, Spike was interrupted by a Mohawk stallion who said “Ah, there you bitches are” and I grew furious at his comment and I shouted, a battle cry if you will and I began shooting him in the face with my guns and his face shredded a part by the sheer force and amount of bullets being released by my guns. The other ponies heard the noise and turned and saw us and pointed their guns (which were mostly pistols) and me and Spike began open firing. Spike killed two of them with his pistol and I killed four with my MP5Ks and my coat was get sprayed with even more blood as I ran past the stallions and shot them. Spike was still clean as he was just shooting the ponies from a far, while I was getting close, down and dirty and usually it’s the other way around, but not this time. Spike was just taking out ponies, all with one bullet each and I was just jackhammering the other ponies with a dozen bullets per second. Then all of a sudden I was tackled by one of the stallions, and I lost control of magic and my guns fell to the ground as I did. I was grunting and struggling to get free and the stallion chuckled manically, “You are beautiful, if only I didn’t have to kill you, I would take your body and have it all to myself” and then I grabbed one of the MP5Ks and put to his head and his evil smile disappeared and was replaced by a worried look and I pulled the trigger and the gun fired and blew the stallion’s brains out, and his skull broke a part like a watermelon as I kept firing and his body collapsed and blood leaked out of the head. I smirked and walked away as Spike was still shooting ponies, until he ran out of bullets and then the Mohawk stallions tackled him and Spike breathed fire on one of there heads and the pony screamed and ran off and I shot him as he was running and he collapsed to the ground, dead.

Then I shot the other two ponies and blood sprayed everywhere as each bullet penetrated their bodies and there were about a dozen bullets hitting them each so there was much blood and I these ponies were getting ripped to shreds and it was so much fun! I can’t believe it, usually I’m not a huge fan of violence, but now, I was enjoying all the violence that I was causing along with Spike was doing pretty good himself. Spike burned more Mohawk ponies with his fire breath and I had shot them with my MP5Ks, but then I ran out of ammo. I had no idea what to do, and then the boss or the leader of these Mohawk ponies (I assume he’s the leader) arrived, he immediately recognized Spike and said, “Why hello Spike”, Spike recognized him as well and said “Stracker” in an angry tone. I had no idea who this ‘Stracker’ was, I had never met him before but it seems him and Spike had a history together, a history that from what I understand now is only 5 hours before we had begun this journey, this short journey. Stracker was walking towards Spike with an evil smirk on his face, “I see, you’ve brought your super special somepony with you” said Stracker, I was puzzled on he referred to me as Spike’s special somepony, we were friends, but we weren’t in a romantic relationship of any kind, I knew that Spike wanted me to be a relationship, but I wasn’t all that keen on the idea. “What do you want Stracker?!” asked Spike, “Oh I just wanted to get back you and your purple friend for double crossing us on our deal, Spike, that’s all” said Stracker and then he took out a pistol out his holster, using his magic because unlike the other Mohawk ponies, he was a unicorn so he could use magic and levitate and manipulate objects at will. Using his magic he pushed back the hammer loading the barrel of the pistol with a bullet and he said “So, I now I will end it. With one bullet” and then Spike growled and jumped onto Stracker’s neck, grabbed his pistol and shot him in the head with it and he fell down and died. He was finished. I was quite surprised on how fast he went down, I thought they would fight for a little bit, and then Spike would finish him off, but no, all it took was one bullet. Spike sighed and said, “Alright, let’s go home” and I said, “But we haven’t got all of my stuff yet” and he placed his arm on the back of my neck and said, “Well it’s too dangerous right, so maybe next time” and I said, “Okay, Spike” and then he hopped onto my back and I walked back to my house with Spike riding on me. So I had dropped Spike off at the treehouse and walked back home afterwards where I had wrote in my laptop this:

Oh, boy...what a day. I had left the comfort of my house with my favorite dragon of all, Spike, thinking I was going to run some errands, but ended up on an life endangering adventure involving a ruthless gang, Timber Wolves, and Diamond Dogs and while on this adventure I saw Spike for courageous he was. I had never seen him like this before, I always saw him as a silly little dragon that had a crush on me and was just overall mesmerized by my beauty, but today I saw that Spike was a fighter and a brutal fighter at that. He had saved my life several times today and I am deeply grateful for it, I now realize that I shouldn’t take advantage of Spike for my own needs as I know see that he is willing to protect me and I have barely protected him. Someday, when the time is right, I will save Spike’s life like he did mine for he always be my Spikey-Wikey.