Help me, I'm trapped within my own procrastination!

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WARNING: The author of this story is very much aware that this may not be an original idea. They would be very appreciative if, should this turn out to be the case, a link to the story this inadvertently plagiarises could be posted in the comments. That way, apologies can be sent to those who require them most efficiently, and, should a complaint be lodged, this story may be removed.

Also, if you are likely to be offended by vague, crude and offensively obvious attempts at humour and random stories, turn back.

Now.