Dealing with the Sisters

by Vaughn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Adventure
Length: 2686

Once a soldier, now an adopted brother. Get this- the two who adopted you as your brother are the rulers of Equestria!

You were a Sgt. serving in the U.S army. You were in the front lines of the first battle in WWIII. Suddenly, a nuclear bomb explodes right in front of you, and you are sent to a world you vaguely remember from a kids T.V. show you used to watch, called Equestria. (The show was MLP FiM for all you non bronies/pegasisters) you were adopted by the rulers, princess Celestia and princess Luna. Let the torture begin. (NO PRINCESS MOLESTIA!!!)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-06 05:10:13 UTC

The Fun Begins

     Your name is Sgt. Jeffery McCullen. You are in the front lines of the first real battle ever in WWIII. You are in east Germany, fighting with your German allies. You serve for the U.S. army. The year is 2033 and you are 32 years old. Everything is going perfectly. The Russians are retreating, they deserted their ground forces it was all perfect. Too perfect. You then hear a rocket, and look up to see one coming straight at you. At least I'll go out in flames. You thought. The missile hits the ground and you are enveloped in a nuclear blast. Instead of everything going black however, you find yourself in a very clean throne room. You look up to see a white horse you vaguely remember from that kids T.V. show that you liked. What was it... oh yeah! Celestia! She is happily chewing on a piece of cake. Well that clears up whether or not Celestia is addicted to cake! you thought. She looks up from her food, swallows, and calmly says, "How did you get here?"

     "Well you see, um..." You trail off. She nods for you to continue. "I was on the front lines of WWIII in east Germany. I was fighting against the Russians and a nuclear bomb landed right in front of me." She looks shell-shocked. (No pun intended) She probably doesn't know what a nuke is, or where Germany is. As if reading your thoughts, she says,

     "Fighting with you own kind? I remember another like you. Also fighting in Germany, although during WWII. His name was anonymous. Very kind. It's a shame he died. He as one of my best friends." She looked down, as she stuffed another colorful piece of cake in her mouth, on the brink of tears. You gulp.

     "Of w-what?" You stutter. Suddenly a blue mare walks in. You recognise her as princess Luna. She looks at you, then turns back to her sister.

     "Sister, we are out of lemonade. Who is this human whom you summoned?" So they knew what a human was. One more thing not having to explain. "And why does he have a machine gun strapped to his back, along with a pistol on his hip?" How did she- oh yeah. Gamer Luna. Great. Celestia finally found her voice.

     "I did not summon him, he just appeared after a nuclear bomb exploded in front of him. His name is..." She trailed off, realizing you had not told her your name. You snap to attention with a salute.

     "Sgt. Jeffery McCullen of the 501st legion for the U.S. army at you service." You took a bow.

     "To answer your question... Jeffery... Anon died of old age." She said, yet again stuffing her face with cake. "I suppose you'll be stuck in Equestria for the rest of your life, so I'll have Luna show you to your new room." She quick whispered something to Luna, who nodded, then trotted to you.

     "Okay Jeffery, follow me. I think you and I will get along just fine when it comes to war games." She trotted past me, forcing you to follow her to wherever it was she was taking you, using her magic to push you along if you slowed even the slightest bit. "You'll probably receive clothes from the fashion designer from Ponyville, Rarity. You seem to have Anon's exact measurements." She finally stopped at the first room at the very beginning of a dead end hall. She pointed to the far left door with her hoof. "If you need a snack, that's the kitchen." She then pointed to the door on the far right. That is my room. Whenever I summon you to play video games, that's where I'll be." She then pointed to the door directly across the hall. That is Celestia's room," she then turned to the door we were at. "This is where you'll be staying. Any questions, soldier?" I was thinking and was about to say no, when a thought came to mind.

     "The bathroom?" You asked. You really had to go. She pointed to the only visible door in the hall we came from.

     "That door right there, is the washroom, and the bathroom. If you need me, I will be in my room playing video games." she trotted off to her room. You smiled. How cute. You tuned, and went into your room. To your surprise, there was an empty gun rack, a buzzer on a table connected to an outlet, and a badge marked, Col. Anonymous it was his room. You went and placed your badge next to his, saluted, put away your guns and took off your helmet, then landed on the bed with a soft thud. You remembered something very, VERY important. You had to go! You ran as fast as you could to the bathroom, nearly ramming into Celestia in the process. Before it happened, you quickly ducked and rolled. You stood up and burst into the bathroom. Strangely, the stalls and everything were built for a human. You then remembered again that Anon had lived here, so it was made for him.

     After you relieved yourself, you went back to your room, to find several of each kind of article of clothing. Twelve pairs of socks, twelve pairs of shoes, twelve shirts, and twelve pants. You folded them up, and put them on the table next to the buzzer. You then once again flopped back into the bed, wrinkling a parchment. It read,

Dear Sgt. Jeffery McCullen,

after a short debate, Princess Celestia has decided than you, although 32 years of age,

HOW DID SHE FIGURE THAT OUT - Your mind screamed.

have been adopted by the royal sisters of night and day. You are granted access to anywhere and everything you want. You also have been granted a new title. Prince Jeffery McCullen, protector of Equestria. You have been granted by princess Luna, a enchanted helmet. It shall never break, nor be unable of protecting your cranium. Signed, Prince Shining Armor

Well then. That settles it. There attached to it by wax, is a older looking helmet. You picked it up, and placed it atop your head. This is going to be a looong life. You think. But hey, at least you have family.

Royal Pain in the Butt

     You didn't realise you had fallen asleep, and there was knocking at you door. "Wake up Jeff! It's time for breakfast!" Shouted an excited Luna. Morning wake-up call just got a whole lot better.

     You reply, "just a minute...sis." You hesitated to use those words. Calling a pony your sister? Weird. Oh well. You come to the door, and she is jumping up and down like Pikie Pie. "You seem excited this morning." She drags you in her midnight-blue aura to the dining hall.

     "Well it's my first time eating breakfast with a brother!" Celestia is already there. She laughs when she sees her little sister dragging you along like a stuffed animal. She then sets you down as she smiles excitedly.

     "Uh, Luna?" You started. "Can you please not go Pikie on me? It's my first day in Equestria for Pete's sake." Both sisters look at you. Celestia says,

     "Who is Pete? Was he a friend of yours?" You burst out laughing. How did she not know that phrase?

     "No silly! It's just a funny phrase we use in the human world." Celestia is embarrassed, while Luna just laughed at her. To Celestia's relief, at that moment the cooks came in with loads of pancakes. For you, the chef brought (to his disgust) rabbit meat. You just slide the plate forwards. "No thank you. I'm a vegetarian." The chef lets out a sigh of relief as he magically gives you a plate for pancakes. Luna looks at you quizically.

     "Why didn't you eat your meat, brother?" She said, her cheeks somewhat muffling her words, for they were stuffed with pancakes. She proceeded to put more pancakes on her plate as she waited for an answer. Celestia too seemed content, and leaned in.

     "Did you not hear me say that I was a vegetarian? The first time I had meat, I barred. Never had it since." You said, as you coated you Mr stack of pancakes with butter and syrup. MMM! These chefs are good! I love these pancakes. I hate to admit it, but my 'sisters' are kind of annoying me. Ugh talk about a pain in the flank. Dang it. You prefer to say nothing, so you do not upset them.

     As you aimlessly wander the corridors of the castle, memorizing everywhere, a hoof pulls you into what looks like a prank closet. You turn to see who it was, to see Luna hand you a whopping cushion. You've read the fan-fics before. "Celestia?" She nods. Before you go, you quickly stuff as much confetti into the whooole cushion as possible. You whisper into you sister's ear, "now she farts confetti." Luna stifled a chuckle, as her face turned red from the thought of it.She quick heads back and does the same thing.

     Now in the throne room, you two stick the shopper cushions under Celestia's chair cover. You heard trotting, and Luna teleported you two to her room. It was nice and dark, as well as cool. She then wirelessly turns on her laptop, revealing the throne room. "Is that a-" you begin.

"Secret camera" she cut you off. There were now dignitaries that were unicorns, earth ponies, Pegasi and griffin. Celestia Sat down and confetti shot out in from of her, while making a granting noise. She was furiously blushing while the earth ponies laughed, the griffins suppressed  maniacal cackles, the unicorns looking away, and the Pegasi fainting. You and Luna gave each other a high hoof and started laughing your heads off. Then a shadow covered the screen. Celestia wasn't in the camera's ice anymore. You two turned around, and sure enough, there was Celestia. Luna teleported you both out into the castle grounds and pulled you into a Bush. She said, "we'll be safe here as we wait for her to cool down. She's getting cake in five minutes, so it should only take that long." You instantly give her a small punch on what you supposed was her fore arm.

     "I now know who MY favorite sister is."

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"Nomnomnom" Celestia was indulging herself with marble cake. You and Luna each stole a piece and headed to Luna's room to play Modern Marefare 3 which was a lot like your MW3. You two siblings enjoyed the next few hours with lots of shooting, snacks, and smart Alec comments about each other's gameplay. Luna was surprisingly hard to beat. Then again, she IS gamer Luna. But in the end you bested her.

Video game problem

     "Wake up! Wake up!" There's pounding at your bedroom door. You quickly shoot out of bed and do twenty push ups, as usually accustomed to during boot camp. You then toss on a shirt and open the door. Your 'sisters' were at the door, a cart by their side. It was loaded with things like pancakes, cake, cookies, apples, you name it! Tia and Luna practically dragged you into the hall and brought you to an outside picnic area.

     Aside from you three, there are only stationed guards. "All this... for me?" You asked, bewildered you'd have such nice and caring 'sisters'.

     "It's not ALL for you silly!" Celestia said. "We get some too!" As if on cue, Luna nabbed a cookie and practically scarfed it down. Celestia took a huge slice of the cake. You shrugged and went for an apple. An apple a day keeps the doctor away you thought. You inwardly chuckled, remembering your grandfather showing you Dr. Who for the first time.

     You three had just finished picnicking when a guard trotted to Celestia. He said it was 'urgent news' and that there would be 'dire consequences' which made Celestia have to go attend duties, leaving you and Luna in the picnic area. Without warning, Luna picked you up in her telekinetic grasp and brought you to her room, where she promptly dropped you on a beanbag, put a bowl of potato chips between you and her, and gave you an Y-Box controller. She had one of those unmistakable looks that said, You're soooo getting creamed! you sighed, and prepped yourself for the worst. But she put BO2 in the console. An old game you remember, but you easily mastered. As soon as you started, you let Luna think she had a huge advantage by pretending you didn't know the controls,  and what to do. About five minutes later, you couldn't hold it in any longer. To sum it all up to spare the profanity and some immense rage, you totally dominated.

     After several more games (not to mention more uses of profanity)  You were crushing her. (Mainly because of the controls being the same.) She did the unexpected. She entered... MINECRAFT!!! She had full diamond gear and the works. You had a map. "First to mine diamonds wins." She exclaimed, as she attempted to run off, only having to eat some food before taking off again. Due to your knowledge of survival, you raided her house chest and found a stone axe, which you used to cut a tree. You got a log, and the tree was floating. You payed it no heed, and realized, Durr! Shouldn't I just get stuff from her chest? lucky you you found a diamond. So you grabbed it and waited.

      It soon became night, and Luna came back exhausted. You showed her the diamond. Her jaw almost hit the ground. She looked in her chest, not finding what she wanted. She then grabbed an iron sword, chasing after you, shouting, "JEFFFERRREEEEYYYYY!!!!" Clearly, you stole her diamond. She then got a brilliant idea. In real life, she grabbed a bat and hit you on the head with it.

     You woke up to find yourself laying face first in a bowl of potato chips, with your hands tied behind your back, although rather sloppily. "I was going to eat those chips you know." Luna said.

     "I was planning on giving it back, YOU KNOW." You snapped back. While she continued to look at you with boredom, you undid the horrible knot, grabbed Luna, and nearly lit her hair on fire with a massive noogie, which she responded by whimpering and letting out a small string of curses followed by a longer string of ouches.

     When you finally stopped, your knuckle was white, and Luna was rubbing her sore head. Coincidentally, Tia decided to pop in. "Hey guys I-" she stopped when she saw you caressing your knuckle, and Luna rubbing her head. "Game montage with a fight at the end?" She asked, backing up ever so slightly. You both nodded as Tia bolted, hoping she wasn't going to get included in any 'sibling rivalry'.

     "Wanna do this again?" She asked, obviously masking loving every minute of it while you were playing.

     "Definitely, but I'll need a little while. You left a lump on my head and the rope was rubbing against my wrist." You were thinking about next week, but thought it too soon. "Maybe next month..." Luna gave you puppy dog eyes, which you couldn't resist. "Fine. Next week." You said. She pumped her hooves silently. In the meantime you'd have to see what spending time with Celestia was like. Luna was a bit.... energetic.

     As soon as you entered your room, you didn't have a chance to even close the door before you passed out from being so sore and tired. A servant walked by, who was kind enough to drag your unconscious body into bed, then continue on their way. All in all... BEAT FREAKING DAY EVER!!!