Rare thieves and other crimes

by The Frank

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Alternate Universe, Human, Dark
Length: 2543

A collection of oneshots, centered around the notorious Rares gang. A butler, a fashionista, a hacker, and two athletes...who has given themselves to a life of crime!

This is the stories about Equestrias smartest thieves.
Rarity Belle - the brains, and the leader.
Rainbow Dash - the muscles
Spike - the wheels, and the tea and bisquits.
Fluttershy - the hacker.
Scootaloo - the climber, the inside woman, the pickpocket and the legs.

All characters are humanized.

Oh, and I welcome constructive critisism. Don't hesitate to give me your thoughts on the story. Or life in general, I don't mind some good bitching.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-16 23:00:16 UTC

Introducing

Prologue

DI Octavia Philharmonica stepped of the bus, crossed the street and entered the doors of her work. She had just been away, enjoying three weeks of vacation. It had simply been divine. Music, music, more music…and some fishing. Not only had she got the opportunity to enjoy a perfectly executed performance of Bach’s Cello suit no 4 in E-minor, she also had the privilege to overhear a complete rehearsal of Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben performed by the examining classes from Equestrias Royal School of Performing Arts. And, of course, that little spontaneous performance of Clara Schumann’s Piano sonata in G minor by her old friend and colleague Jane Lestrade at a wine bar in Horseshoe.

“That was what I call a vacation”, she though. “But now, back into the purgatory known as Equestria south central Police Headquarters. Only two years to retirement…”

Octavia belonged to section VII, which meant she took care of cases regarding thefts, break-and-entry and robberies. Section VII was placed at floor no 6, which without any logic anso contained section III, Homicide. Or as the in-joke called it, “Jaywalking department”. If you did not know where to go, or didn't ask for directions, it was almost impossible to navigate through the building. The only sign that showed what section that lay beyond the untransparent and unfriendly doors, was the small group of roman numerals, attached to the upper part of the doors that divided the sections from the stairs and elevators. Octavia knew the way just all to well, and so she walked out of the elevator and made her way into the office. It was empty, but it was Monday and the time was  6.30. The dayshift started at 7.15, and the rest of her colleagues hated mornings following a second degree curve. So the solitude was nothing unusual. The sections were constructed as long corridors, which ended with coffee machines, toilets and big windows, and section VII was no exeption. The view from VII was not very spectacular though, so let’s leave that were it belongs. The corridor had seven doors on each side, and third on the left was marked “DI O. PHILHARMONICA O.I.C” The last part meant “officer in charge”. This was symbolic, due to the fact that every police officer or soldier of any kind was imposed to be under direct command of the Queen. Old Equestrian tradition. She opened her door, a bit surpriced to notice that she wasn’t alone. She was greeted by her colleague, Timmy “Time” turner. He was a young man of 27, the newest on the department, but Octavia had come to like the young boy, and she pretty much treated him like a long-time partner. Nothing else though, and no gossip. Everybody in the building knew that Octavia was lesbian since her eleventh birthday, and the once who did not know that, pretty much was informed on the spot… Octavias surprised look was because that even though Timmy was eager, he was no ass-kisser. And yet, here he stood beside her desk, at least 45 minutes before he usally appeared. On her desk, a huge pile of paper was placed. Next to the pile was a small vase filled with violets.

“Morning turner. What brings you in this hour? I must say that I’m surprised! And, what’s this?”

“Oh, only a small piece of welcome-back-chief… “

“Yeah, yeah…nice flowers…. I meant this!”

She put her hand on the pile of paper. Timmy walked closer, eager like an excited child, though he tried to restrain himself.

“Oh… Yeah, this, sir, is smoking! This has been sent to us from the piggybank…I mean the Economic section”

“ECO! You meant, they passed material onto us?”

“Yes! We have free hands to get a shot at…”

“Discord?”

“Oh no, sir. Bigger than that.”

“Oh…I see.”

Octavia paused. It had come at last. It was not that very common for a DI at section VII to have an arch nemesis, but Octavia did have one. The one which she knew were responsible for over one hundred thefts and heists, and not a single piece of evidence.  She had been hunting her for over 19 years, but never been closer to an arrest, than a couple of visits to her home, which they left without taking anything with them other than some cheerful words and their tails between their legs. And the constant teasing...

It was a couple of years ago Octavia realized that maybe she could get her the Al Capone-way, and hence, she had required material from the economic section. However, those request took their time, and in the end, she had just given up. But now, the impossible had happened! She would finally be able to put handcuffs on, and take her to the trial she had deserved for almost a lifetime…

“Rarity C. Belle.”

Turner nodded. A sinister smile came upon his DI’s lips.

“This time, turner…this time…We are going to crush her!”

Two secret letters.

“My love.

It has been only one week since I held you close, and it feels like a lifetime. Oh, how I would love to describe to you how every part of my body longs for you… but I must be discreet, I know… And brief, which is almost as hard, when I just want to say… how much I love you. You remember my little suggestion? In fact, the events that will follow would suit that purpose perfectly. Please, do not hesitate to give me your answer.

XX”

“Dearest…

I have indeed thought about your suggestion. It has been tough, due to the fact that it violates all of the principles I have… but I will say yes.  Because I love you.

XXX”

A (not so) warm welcome

2. A (not so) warm welcome

The third grade prisonfacility of Hooveston went by many names. The official, and seldom used name was “Hooveston Correction and rehabilitation facility”.

The inmates, present and former, called it “the dungeon”, cause of the nature of things. One day you were out in the open, the other day you were gone, sent away by the police. And no word got in nor out from it. It was the most top secure facility in all Equestria, even the mob couldn’t get through.

But the most common name was the one used by the locals. They referred to it as “the big grey”. If this was because they were ashamed, or due to tha fact that it was grey, is pretty much unknown, and it's really not important. Though some even went as far as refering to the facility as “the BG”. Now, you  hardly ever saw anyone entering the premise, but the people leaving, and walking the halfmile from the big grey to the bus stop or the longer walk to the railway station were called “greywalkers”. That was for two reasons, except for the name of the facility, the greywalkers wore extremely boring, illfitting clothes. The final gift from the correction bureau. Welcome back to society, wear THESE to make sure no one talks to you.

The facility was surrounded by a high stone wall, and the stone wall was in  turn surrounded by two rows of barbed wire fences. There was one strip of asphalt road on the facility, and that was the 430 yard road that went from the main gate to the main building. The rest was stoneset or gravel.

On this day, a woman in her early 40’s was walking the road. It was called “via dolorosa”, beacuse most of them that walked this way ended up either dead or depressed. The woman wore the traditional beige shirt and a grey jacket, but she had managed to keep a pair of jeans, which ment she could skip the grey sweatpants that completed the image. Always something. She walked with her head held high, and she was not looking back. She was not going back into this place, of that she was certain.

The woman was in this day, 42 years and 43 days. She was african-equestrian, and it took only two days for her to stop the other inmates calling her "Zigger". She was 6 feet tall, and with the body of a professional athlete.  People remembering the headlines twenty years back, also knew her as one. She was in her heyday Equestrias fastest runner, and she had two world records, one that still stood to this day. Her name was Renee “the rainbow” Dash, and for almost 17 years now, she had been one of the most succesful burglars in all of Equestria. She had kept the nick though. But the Rainbow hair, that gave her the nickname, was not to be seen on any visible part of her body. Her head was cleanshaven, a ritual she started herself, the first day at the facility. She liked it that way. Made her look like Samuel L. Jackson.

It was 16 months ago, that she got caught for robbing a liqour story. No one knew why. It was the first crime she could be charged with. But it was also the only one. Even though the police KNEW she was the person behind at least 45 break-and-enters, they had no evidence. So, 14 months it was. Actually it was eighteen, but...yeah.

Now the three gate doors that sealed the facility from the outside world started to open. The iron gate was the first. She walked by the guards little house, not giving it a single look. She wanted nothing to do with those people anymore. After she passed the first one, she had to wait for the iron gate to close until the second gate, one made of steel bars opened. It was like walking through an airlock. Heh.

  But the third gate, she opened herself. She had a keycard for it, another “symbol” she got from the facility at the day of her realease. "You walk out from here by yourself". Yeah…

The whole process was overseen by a young woman. She was equal in height to Rainbow, and quite a lot of people these days assumed that they were sisters. And, if you only looked at them, the fact that the difference in age was 23 years old, and that the younger womans hair was purple, did nothing to contradict that. However, that was not the case. They were mother and daughter. And except from the hair, Victoria Ramona Dash, Scootaloo to her friends, was in total an almost perfect copy of her mother when they were at the same age. She had been raised by her mother alone, and she only knew two things about her father. He was equestrian-white, and a bastard. The last thing moms words. She had his hair, the rest was pure Rainbow. Even the face was the same, and the expression. And the bad temper. Rainbow's usual face against the world was either a frown, a grin or a smirk, and the same went for her daughter. At this moment, it was a frown, and a wery irritiated one as well.

Rainbow had walked out from the third gate and had stopped a few yards from her daughter. She looked at Scootaloo with empty eyes, Scootaloo looked at her mother with anger and shame, and she also had her arms crossed over her chest.

“So…you’re looking good squirt.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“How…are you?”

“Like you care.”

“Your car? Nice.”

“Just get you butt inside, ok? I don’t want to spend my youth picking up my mother from the joint.”

Rainbow placed herself shotgun and Scootaloo placed herself behind the wheels. They slowly drove off. They were silent for  5 minutes, then Rainbow started.

“Soo…you…”

“DON’T! Just…don’t. Don’t try to act as you care, ok? I will drive you home, I give you that. Then you are going out of my life, understand?”

She was silent for a while.

“Do you know what day it is?”

“…Thursday?”

“Thursday. You don’t even remember. Great! Mom of the year!”

“What?”

“It’s my god-damn birthday! Thanks for the present, mom. You get out from the joint. Whi-hoo!”

“Oh…happy birthd…”

“DON’T! …Just shut up, ok?”

The silence resumed.

"weeelll...read any good books lately?"

...

"Any BOYS that you want me to shoot?"

...

"...FREEEBIIIIRD!"

“Ok, great. Mom, that trick is soo old!"

"Made you talk to me."

"Mom...have you learned anything in prison?"

"Yup. Next time, I will not get a sentence for such a lame reason!"

Scootaloo did her best not to start laughing, but it didn't work. Pretty soon, she laughed, hard and hearty. This was a game of theirs, and she never won.

"Mom, your so lame, you know that?"

"Who's lame her! It worked, didn't it? I WON! WHOOHOO! Who's the best? Who's the best?"

Scottaloo stopped the car in a parking socket next to the road. Then the two women went out of the car, and resumed the standing three yards apart, staring at each other. Then, at the same time, the hurled themselves into a hug.

“Oh Mom!...”

“Squirt…mommy missed you every day in the dungeon!”

“I missed you too…It’s great that you got reprieved”

“Well, they didn’t really have anything on me, so… The Rainbow will once again take the sky! But damn I need some cooler clothes and some descent food. You got any money?”

“Mom!”

“What? Don't you think I read the papers? That break-in at the Ponyville Racetrack? That had your name written all over it. Good one too. But seriously squirt, I was thinking of getting you a present, but the hats I had to put on the toothpaste-tubes just seemed like a little boring. So, I’d say let’s go for burgers! But you get to pick the place, birthday girl!”

Scootaloo wasn't really sure wheter to be really put-off by her mother making her  pay...again, or if she should fell proud for the fact that she actually gave her some credit. In the end, she settled with the fact that when your mom is a proffesional burglar, the emotions have to be adjusted to that.

“...alright. Let's go to Enellys. But you owe me! And we must be in ponyville by seven.”

“Why?”

“You have one guess.”

Rainbow looked rather confused at first, but then she apparantly remembered how the harsh reality worked, and she sighed.

“Pfff…the Babe-In-Total-Control-of-Herself has work for us?”

“Yep.”

Rainbow looked at the sky in silence for some minutes. And then she decided that no one should disturb her first day in the open and her daughters birtdday. Even if the lady in question sure could mess their lives up...

“Well, she have to wait. The Rainbow needs her outfit.

“Mom…you know her. We better be there in time”

“Hey! Who is it you’re supposed to listen to? Your mother or some hoity-toity white chick?”

“The white chick that gives us work, mom. The white chick who can get both our asses behind bars for 55 years if we don't do as she says. The white chick that PAYS us enough to by our OWN food.”

Rainbow surrendered to the indisputable and sighed again.

“Yeah yeah…the most boring reason of them all…alright. But first burgers at Enellys, a new shirt at the thrift shop and then... home to the missus. Ponyville, here we come!”