The Shameless First Person Self-Insert

by sbloom85

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Human, Main 6
Length: 33430

The multiverse decided to throw me a curve ball one day and threw me into Equestria. What can you do? This story is not to be taken seriously.

When I woke up, I was sure it was going to be just another day. Eat breakfast, hike to town, look for work. Sounds simple, right?

The day got a whole lot more complicated when I found myself in Equestria. I didn't know how I got there, but I'm damn sure to find out. While I'm there, I should figure out what to do with myself, otherwise it's going to be pretty boring.

In the meantime, I should avoid the cliche'd Human in Equestria stuff. But can I? That is the ultimate question.

This is my attempt to write an HiE that tries to avoid the cliches, but fails miserably. This is not to be taken seriously.

Changed the character tags once more. After this upcoming chapter, there will be a lot more characters, so I figure I'll keep the other tag as a shotgun approach.

Published 2014-06-21 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-25 04:15:49 UTC

Chapter I

I still see flashes of my former life... or lack of one to be precise. Many days were spent staring at my monitor: recording game walkthroughs, watching videos, the list goes on. If you told me that I was going to be stuck in Equestria, I would've raised an eyebrow at you, laughed and told you that you were out of your mind and that it was not only impossible to do, but it only happened in an unoriginal, cliché-filled fanfic.

I was lucky to have had three jobs in my life. I was fourteen when the economy started tanking... that was fifteen years ago. Work became scarce and unemployment rates skyrocketed. The media says that those rates are falling, but what they don't say is that it's because of expiring benefits. Business owners don't help things either, as they'd prefer to either line their pockets with their dirty money or hire family or friends and not people who need the work. Students and parents had better chances of getting a job than I did... if only slightly.

My parents, brother and I lived in Colorado for nineteen years. My father installed heating, ventilation and air conditioning, or HVAC, units and duct work in commercial buildings as well as the regular hospital and school. CU Boulder was among the regular schools. My mother was a massage therapist, but she barely made enough to pay for her office. She tried, but the failing economy didn't help much. She was a head cashier at Target before that. My brother tried to follow in our dad's footsteps, but with his ulceritic colitis, he had a hard time holding a job. As for me, I'm asocial and have a hard time making friends, which also made it hard to get a job. I made a few friends on my own and keep in touch with only one whenever the opportunity came up, the others I had I met through my brother.

After thirty years of working the trade, my dad was faced with a choice, either retire early, or get laid off for an indeterminate amount of time.

He chose the former.

With his pension, there was no way the three of us could live in Colorado. Iron River, located in Michigan's upper peninsula, had a reasonable cost of living and my mom had a friend there. The downside was that the town suffered from an economy much worse than the rest of the nation.

The town's economy thrived on iron mining, but that dried up long ago. There are several fast food joints; a few diners; a couple of drug stores, a few grocery stores, some gas stations, which were probably operated by the same family, and not much else.

As far as entertainment goes, the sole theater in town, which only showed one movie twice a day, shut down because the managers couldn't afford the upgrades, now the nearest cinema is sixty miles away. There used to be a bowling alley, but the owner let it burn to the ground, collected the insurance and took off. There's also a casino thirty miles away that we go to once a month. We normally win enough to have lunch and walk away with what we go in with. Other than that, there isn't much to do.

It was a cold winter day in Iron River and I was walking into town to look for work. Well, that was the idea, anyway. The town was so heavily wooded, nobody would've seen me get zapped away, or heard me screaming as I got zapped.

When I came around, I found myself in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night it looked like. As I got my bearings, I found myself at the receiving end of the blunt end of a spear. I came around again and found myself locked up in a dungeon.

Enough about my life story... it's time for the interrogation.

I was dragged toward the throne room by a pair of unicorns, my wrists bound by some kind of energy barrier. Since it was a unicorn who put it on, I imagine it's a magic force field. I looked out a window and it looked like it was a bright and sunny morning. The door opened and I'm placed maybe twenty feet away from a winged unicorn. I had never actually seen a unicorn or a pegasus for real before last night, much less a winged unicorn until now. I know it's rude to stare, but I couldn't help myself. You would too if you saw a creature like this for the first time.

“What are you?” It asked.

Wait a second... it had a feminine voice, definitely had the body... definitely female and she spoke English? Not wanting to make her wait, I cleared my throat. “I'm a human, ma'am.”

“You will address her as 'Your Majesty'!” A guard yelled at me. He smacked his spear against the back of my knee, forcing me to kneel. What hurt most wasn't the knockdown, but rather the impact against that part underneath the kneecap. That hurt like a son of a bitch, but I managed to only let out a low groan.

The winged unicorn flared her wings and had a pissed off look on her face. “Enough! He is a guest, and until he acts aggressively, we shall treat him as such.”

The guard bowed before her. “O-of course, Your Majesty.”

She looked at me and let out a quiet sigh. “Forgive my zealous guard. What is your name?”

I gave her my full name, Scott Charles Bloom. “But please, call me Scott.” Apparently her name is Celestia and her title is princess. My god... I'm actually there... I'm in Equestria. I'm in a cartoon world. Should I tell her that I have extensive knowledge of their world, of Twilight Sparkle and her friends? Unless the subject came up, I better not. I didn't even want to know what she'd do if I told her I liked her sister more than her.

The questions continued: Where are you from? Earth. How did you get here? I don't know. How many of you are here? As far as I'm aware, I'm the only one. Why are you here? I don't know. How long will you be here? I. Don't. Know.

“Are you a threat to us?” She finally asked.

That question didn't surprise me. I looked around the room, taking in all the unicorn and pegasus guards and I shook my head. “No, ma'am. As there is only one of me, and...” I pause, taking a head count. There were two unicorn guards directly in front of the princess; two pegasi flanking her; three unicorn guards on either side of the stairs leading up to the throne, two unicorns standing either side of me and two unicorns behind me at the door, “fourteen of your guards, there's no way I can do any harm even if I tried.”

She nodded. Her horn lit up and my bindings were gone. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” I said in appreciation as I stood back up, despite the fact that I'm surrounded by unicorns with spears trained on me.

Now she's glaring at me. “Do not make me regret this decision.” She warned, looking at the guards that surrounded me. “Stand down.” She ordered. Thankfully, they did. “I will have a proper room readied for you.” She added, giving me an odd look. “Have you eaten anything since last night?” Maybe a couple of seconds after she said that, my stomach started yelling at me. I glanced at my stomach, then back to her. Apparently she found the grumbling humorous. “I'll have somepony fix you something to eat.” She offered. “What do you eat, exactly?”

“My species is omnivorous, ma'am.” She raised an eyebrow. “We can eat meats, fruits, vegetables, nuts, berries, herbs, spices, dairy products, the list goes on.”

She nodded. “Well, we don't have anything to offer in the meat category, but judging from your list, you should have no problem with any food we offer you.”

My body jerked a bit, causing me to almost lose my balance. The guards reacted by retraining their spears on me. “Son of a bitch...” I whispered, shaking off the convulsion.

Celestia gave me a worried look. “Are you alright?”

I shook my head. I should've told them about it earlier. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have taken my medicine with me. “I'm not sure if you're familiar with epilepsy, it's a neurological disorder. The brain runs on a form of electricity... basically if there's a misfire-” Black out time...

I came around once again, lying on my back on the stone floor, looking up at a worried sick Celestia and some guards. “That happenth...” I finished with a weak smile. My tongue is sore... of course I'd bite it. I wiped my hand on my face to see- yep, I bit hard enough to bleed again. This was going to be a fun recovery...

Celestia powered up her horn again and surrounded me in her magic aura. I felt a little better, my tongue was still swollen and my body was still a little stiff, but not bad enough to keep me from getting up on my own, though.

Celestia and her guards couldn't help but stare. “Are you sure you should be getting up right now?” She asked with an understandably worried tone in her voice.

I shrugged. “Probably not, but I did it anyway.”

Celestia shook her head and looked to the guard just to her right. “Go to Canterlot General and find somepony who specializes in neurology.” She ordered and the guard quickly left. “Let's get him into a guest room right away.”

A pegasus guard and Celestia escorted me to a room. I sat down on the bed and I gestured for a pen and paper. Celestia floated a quill, ink and some parchment over. I took the quill, dipped it slightly in the ink and began writing.

I may need a bucket, just in case.

Celestia nodded as I show her the note, but I raise a finger and continue writing.

It's going to be difficult for me to talk for a while, much less eat anything, so I'm going to be on a liquid diet.

She floated the amended note to her, looked it over and nodded. “Of course.” She showed it to the guard and gestured him to get a move on and get it done.

“Yes, Your Majesty.” He saluted her before he bolted out of the room.

Celestia turned her head back toward me and floated the note back, she closed her eyes and let out a sigh. “Forgive us, Scott. We weren't sure about you and-”

I re-dip the quill and amend my note.

It's quite alright, princess. I'm an alien being and it'd probably be the same way if the roles were reversed.

I shook my head. That isn't completely accurate.

We are a barbaric and xenophobic race and should one of your own enter my world, it'd be rare to find someone who wouldn't freak out.

I showed her the amended note and she gave me another glare. I couldn't say I blamed her. Even creatures I would've thought to be just as barbaric in this world proved to be just as civil as the ponies themselves. I amended my note one more time.

I hope to prove that I'm that rare example.

She turned around and started to leave and I thought of one other issue. I cleared my throat to get her attention and I made one more addition.

To be safe, you may want to quarantine me. I don't want you or your citizens to get sick because of something I might be carrying.

Once again, she smirked. “It might be a little late for that. Relax, Scott, I'll return when your meal is ready.”

She left the room and closed the door behind her. I slipped my shoes off and laid my legs on the bed and stretched out. The bed was beyond comfortable and it was short enough for my legs to hang off. I don't know why, but I felt better that way.

A few minutes later, I heard a knock on the door. There goes my perfect comfy. I stood up, walked to the door and opened it. On the other side was a unicorn maid holding a bucket with her magic. She looked terrified and I knelt down to her level. I extended my arms and she gave me the bucket. I smiled and nodded and then she took off.

Thankfully I never needed it. About one hour later, Celestia returned with a glass full of what I presume is my dinner. She looked at the bucket, saw that it was empty and gave me a smile. “I'm glad to see it's still clean.”

She closed the door behind her and trotted to me and floated over the glass. “It's a fruit mixture with some milk and a touch of nutmeg. My favorite.”

I took a swig of the smoothie. Definitely delicious. Better than anything you can get back home, that's for sure. I smiled at her and nodded.

She turned back to the door, opened it and looked back to me. “You can set the glass on the dresser. A maid will come in and pick it up tomorrow. I'll have somepony give you a basic tour as I'll be quite busy. Have a good night, Scott.”

I nodded and she left the room. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. One minute I was walking into town, the next... I'm here.

If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that I had to find out how I was brought here. My primary suspect was Discord. I'll have to talk to him later.

Author's Note

I know how god-awful these things can be, and if you don't like it, that's fine. I just needed something different to work on.

Chapter II

The next thing I needed were clothes and a local tailor was summoned the day after my arrival to make me some. I'm sure glad it wasn't Rarity who was brought in, that would've taken forever. It was awkward to say the least when she wanted me to strip down completely. I told her about our people having a nudity taboo that's been ingrained in our minds for thousands of years. She took it better than I thought and I was able to at least keep my underwear on. She took my measurements, went back to her shop and I started receiving new clothing a week later. I looked pretty snazzy now that I had some new threads.

A month had passed since my arrival. As it turned out, I wasn't carrying anything that could've gotten them sick. Maybe the wormhole or whatever it was that brought me here cleansed me of that, but that's only a guess. My epilepsy was being treated by a unicorn physician, one quick spell and I would be seizure free for two weeks. Since I've been off of the medicine, my body had improved. Although I was confined to a small area of the castle, I was still able to get out of my quarters from time to time while being escorted by some guards. I didn't like it, but I had no say in the matter. Eventually, they grew on me... figuratively speaking, of course.

I had a few of Celestia's guards to interact with in the morning, and some of Luna's at night. Other than them, I had almost no company. Celestia was always busy with something until it was time for her to go to bed; Luna was the same, despite the general headcanon suggesting she didn't do much after raising the moon. I had only been here a month and I felt that it was still too early to bother them.

Right now I was in my room, on my third rep of crunches when I heard a knock on the door. “Come in!”

The door opened and on the other side was Princess Celestia. “Good morning, Scott.”

I sat up and turned to face her. “Morning, stranger.” I smiled up at my gracious host. “What can I do for you?”

She smiled warmly at me. “I was actually hoping I could do something for you.”

I slowly stood up. Was she serious? I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask. “I don't suppose I could get out of the castle, could I?” She raised a confused eyebrow. “I've been-”

She nodded. “Of course, Scott.” She waved a hoof. “Please, follow me.”

We exited the castle and two of her guards followed until we reached the entrance to what looked like a hedge maze, then she looked to them. “Leave us be.”

The guards nodded and positioned themselves on either side of the entrance. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

We entered the maze and after a few moments, she looked to me with an inquisitive look in her eye. “So... are you fitting in alright?”

I stifled a laugh. “Not really, Celestia. The servants all still seem to fear me, which I understand completely and the guards intimidate me. I know it's part of the job description, but...”

She gave and understanding nod. “You seem like a tough creature. Perhaps you should go the training facility and spar with some of my guards, maybe it will ease the tension.”

I used to train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu with my brother and a friend of ours. I wonder how much of that I still remember? Most importantly, I wonder how much will work on the ponies? I smiled and nodded. “Sounds like fun.”

She too smiled and looked forward. “Then I shall set something up for you.”

There was a long period of silence between us as we wandered around the maze. I wasn't sure what to talk about, since everything I found interesting weren't to many people I knew back home. No one here would be interested at all.

She decided to break the silence and cleared her throat. “What did you do for a living back home?”

I scoffed and shook my head. “I'm unemployed... but I wish I wasn't.”

She gave me a concerned look. “If you don't work, how do you control those... what are they? Seizures?”

I nodded. “Yeah. That's a gray area. It's not illegal, but it's certainly not ideal. People are supposed to get their medication through a prescription, but they need insurance to make not only the medicine affordable, but the doctor visit as well. But people in my position can't get it, so I get my medicine from a foreign outlet.”

She frowned. “What about government aid?”

I shook my head again. “I live with my parents and the household income is too much to qualify for any kind of help. I'd have to cut myself off from them for a year if I want to get any kind of help. By then I'd probably have a seizure and die.”

I saw the shock on her face. “What about food?”

I shrugged. “Food's an exception. There are food banks as well as government assistance, but I'd be better off with the food bank, even if what they have is expired.”

She let out a mighty sigh and shook her head. “Your leaders don't seem fit for their positions.”

I quietly chuckled. “Amen to that. The ones in power are owned by billionaires and those who aren't have no chance in politics.”

We made our way to a fountain. I'm guessing we're in the middle of the maze. Good thing too, 'cause my legs are getting sore. I sat down next to the fountain and Celestia sat next to me. She turned her gaze to me and she looked depressed. Probably about the way things ran in my country. “Almost two-hundred and fifty years ago back home, a different nation rose up against their oppressors. It was a brutal time, but the ones in power got what was coming to them.”

Her eyes widen. “Do you think that's what will happen in your country soon?”

I shook my head. “No. The people are now programmed to obey their oppressors. There will be no revolution. The people have lost.”

She placed a hoof on my shoulder. I looked in her eyes and saw sympathy. “Know this, even if we do find a way to send you home, you are free to stay here if that's what you want.”

As tempting as the offer was, I'm not sure if I could do it. If I were to go home, I'd be stuck in the same routine day after day, but at least I'd be able to be with my family and what little friends I had. Here, though? I'd be able to start a new life, but I'd be the only human here. I look at the cobblestone ground. “I'll think about it more when the time comes.”

We heard a flapping sound coming from above and we looked up. A pegasus guard flew by us, circled around and landed, bowing as Celestia stood up. “Your Majesty, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is here to speak with you.”

Celestia nodded at the guard and looked at me. “Forgive me, Scott. I must see to this.”

I bit my lip. Oh dude, just say it! Chances are she'll say 'no' anyway. “Would it be okay if I joined you?” Please say no...

She raised an eyebrow. “I suppose you can. Besides, you need to meet more ponies and Cadance is a darling. Hop on my back.”

I complied and we were escorted by the guard. I can't believe it, I'm going to meet Cadance. I bet a lot of MLP fanboys and fangirls would kill to be in my position.

The guard opened up the door, Celestia walked inside with me right behind her. The door closed behind me and Celestia and Cadance walked up to each other and hugged.

The two broke the hug and Cadance was the first to speak. “It's good to see you again, Celestia. Will Twiley be joining us?”

Celestia nodded. “She should be here momentarily.” She turned to me and motioned for me to approach them. “Cadance, I'd like to introduce you to Scott, a human from another world.”

I walked beside the two, Cadance raised a hoof, I gently wrapped my hand around it and without even thinking, I kissed it. “It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am.”

Cadance giggled as she lowered her hoof. “Please, call me 'Cadance'. Good thing Shiny isn't here, or he'd beat you to a pulp.”

I scratched my neck and let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Sorry. It won't happen again.”

The door opened again and in came Princess Twilight Sparkle. The only one missing is Luna, but she's probably passed out in her bed after a hard night's work. “Cadance!” I stepped aside to let the two gallop to each other for their ritual song and dance. Afterward, She looked at me, smiled and nodded. “Scott, good to see you again.”

Twilight and I briefly met a couple of weeks ago and during our meeting, she told me about her friends. You knew them, I knew them. She wasn't as shocked as the others were about me being there, or as scared, she was curious instead. Always the intellectual, that one. I smiled back. “Twilight.”

We took our seats and Cadance was, again, the first to speak. “Thank you for meeting me at such a time.” She began solemnly. “As you know, my ponies have been unusually down lately.”

Oh great, here we go. One of the princesses has a problem and it's going to be up to the human visitor to help solve it. No way. I am not falling into that trap.

Twilight rubbed her hoof against her chin. “The crystal fair is coming soon, isn't it?” Cadance nodded. “Are they excited about it?”

Cadance hung her head. “Not as much as they used to be, I'm afraid. That's why I came here, I'd like some help.”

Nope. Not falling into the trap. Celestia looked at me. Here we go. “Do you have any suggestions, Scott?”

I was swearing like a sailor inside, but I did my best to remain calm and put on a fake smile. “Straight to the alien, huh?” She nodded. Damn it to hell, I really wish she said no. “Well, tell me about this crystal fair.” I already knew about it, but I thought I'd keep playing dumb. Cadance and Twilight took turns filling me in on a traditional fair. That had to be it. “How long has the fair been like this?” Forever. “Well, have you considered they might be bored with the routine?”

Cadance and Twilight looked at each other as the realization struck them like a bullet train. Cadance pondered what I said for a moment. “Perhaps we should mix things up a bit. What do you think, Twilight?”

The new princess nodded. “I agree, but what can we do?”

I rapped my fingers on the table for a moment, then looked at Twilight. “What about your friends? I bet each of them can bring something unique to the table.” She nodded. “Applejack can bring a bunch of her apples and maybe make some cider for the fair too.”

She beamed. “I almost forgot! Zap apple season is in a couple of weeks, she could fix something up for the fair with that.”

I nodded. “Pinkie Pie could help plan the fair and Rainbow Dash could perform some of her tricks.”

Twilight's mouth hung open. “Oh yeah! She could perform a Sonic Rainboom there. That is sure to turn a few heads. That leaves Fluttershy and Rarity.”

I waved my hand. “That's easy. Fluttershy can set up a petting zoo. As for Rarity, maybe you can hold a raffle and whoever wins has a custom outfit made by her. Maybe one for a mare and one for a stallion. A couple maybe.”

Celestia smiled. “That sounds like a wonderful plan and maybe we should give the lucky couple tickets to the next Grand Galloping Gala. What do you two think?”

The other princesses nodded in agreement. Son of a bitch... I can't believe I fell for it. They all gave me an odd look. “What?”

Twilight smiled. “That leaves you. I'm sure there's something you can do to.”

I had no idea for how long, but my brain shut down. They were asking me to contribute to the fair. If I had a skateboard, I'd be practicing flatground tricks with it, but I haven't had one in years. I'm not very talented in anything else either. I shrugged. “I'm not sure what you want me to do, but-”

“What about music? Surely your world has something interesting.” Twilight interrupted.

I shook my head. “I'm tone deaf. There is no way I can play an instrument.”

Cadance nodded. “That's okay. There are unicorns who can simulate musical instruments as soon as they hear the music that's played.”

I raised an eyebrow. “They can play anything by ear?” She nodded again. “That's unbelievable.”

Twilight nodded as well. “I know. I'm quite adept in many forms of magic and instrument simulation is one of my favorites.” She got out of her seat and trotted up to me. “Just think of a song and I'll be able to hear it. It'll then be locked in my memory and I'll be able to play it back.”

I lowered my head and let her press her horn against my head. “Whenever you're ready, Scott.” I took a deep breath and searched my mind for the perfect song. Out of the thousands of songs in my head, I had to pick Blue Swede's cover of 'Hooked on a Feeling'. Damn Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, this was going to be awkward. Shit, I just realized I'm going to miss that movie. Oh well, I'm sure I'll catch it on Blu-Ray.

A few moments later, Twilight pulled back and smiled. “That's a nice song. I'm sure ponies will love hearing it.” She cleared her throat and powered her horn back up. My jaw dropped. She wasn't going to play it back was she? Then it started. Damn it, I really wish Celestia had said no to me coming. No, I should've kept my mouth shut.

After the song finished, the other princesses applauded. I groaned, facepalmed and slid down on my seat in embarrassment. I really should have kept my mouth shut. Twilight turned to her mentor and frowned. “Celestia, I don't understand why you keep him locked up inside the castle. Ponies need to meet him.”

Cadance nodded in agreement. “They should and I suggest that we introduce them to him at the fair.” She had an aura of hope around her as she stood up. “Thank you all for this meeting. I gotta get going and prepare for the fair.” She trotted up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek. “I thank you most of all for your input, Scotty. I was very happy to have met you.”

I continued to sit there, dumbfounded by what just happened. I was hoping to merely observe, but... that happened. While I was in my stupor, Cadance and Twilight left the room. Celestia made her way to the door to speak with the guard. “Take him to the guard training facility. I think he has issues that need to be worked out.”

I snapped back to reality and found myself being carried by a guard. He stopped and I hopped off his back. “How long have I been out of it?”

He shrugged. “My guess, at least fifteen minutes. We're on our way to our training facility at the princess' request.” He continued and I followed close behind. “It's not too much further. We're breaking in some recruits, so it might be a while before you can do... what ever it is you want to do.”

We made our way to a set of double doors. This had to be the entrance to the facility. “Hey, could you have a message passed on to the princess?” He nodded. “I want to meet Discord.”

As if on cue, the Draconequus appeared out of thin air. “Did you call me?” The guard next to me started backing away.

I glared at his smug grin. “One month ago, I was brought here. Did you have anything to do with it?”

He placed a talon on his chin and let out a quiet hum. “One month ago... oh, I was sick.”

My glare hardened. Bullshit. “Were you sick, or were you pretending to be sick?”

He chuckled. “My dear boy, why would I lie?” He teleported behind me and put a paw on my shoulder. It's in your nature, asshole. “When I get sick, I tend to cast spells randomly.”

I grumbled. “Can you send me back or not?”

He tilted his head back, in faux thought no doubt and let out a hum. “Well,” he returned that smug gaze back to me, “I could, but I'll need to remember exactly what I cast. Obviously it was a teleportation spell, but without the proper coordinates... I'm afraid I won't be able to send you back for a while.”

I figured as much. He's probably playing with me. I closed my eyes and started fuming, but I started taking deep breaths, then I nodded. “If you're not ready before the crystal fair, I'm kicking your sorry ass up and down the streets of Canterlot.”

He waved a talon and clicked his tongue. “Watch your tongue, remember where you're at. I'll see you in the Crystal Empire!” He laughed, did a backflip and vanished. Yep. He's playing with me.

I turned back around and headed into the gym. Now I feel like beating something.

Author's Note

Thanks for continuing to read this nonsensical travesty of a story.

Chapter III

So I met Princess Cadance. God was she beautiful. More so than she was portrayed in the show. I kissed her hoof too. What the hell was I thinking? I wonder if she told her husband about that? If she did, was he pissed, or did he get weirded out? I'll find out when I take the trip to the empire.

Then I met Discord. I have a feeling he's going to be a thorn in my side during my stay. At least I knew that he brought me here, supposedly by accident. I wouldn't put it past him to have done just for shits and giggles, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

After that, I went inside their gym and started pounding away at a punching bag. A while after that, a seasoned guard came up to me and offered to have me spar with a recruit to train against a certain biped race that live on this world. I should've just walked away and stirred in my juices, but I took him up on it. I was so pissed at Discord that my judgment was clouded, and suffice to say, I got my ass handed to me by the rookie. He was a pegasus named Crimson Blade.

It was about two weeks since then and I've been allowed to explore more of the castle and even go into the hedge maze if I wanted time alone. It was a big step for me and hopefully it won't be too much longer before I'm able to leave the castle grounds. The guards were beginning to relax more around me as the days went by, and so were the servants.

I was able to help them on occasion, and I think one of them, a cute unicorn mare with a coat that reminded me of coffee with too much milk in it; a mane and tail that were light red that she always left down; deep green eyes and a cutie mark of a rose without its stem. I think her name was Rose Petal or something like that. She asked me to help her water some flowers in her area, while I did, I could've sworn I saw her checking me out. It was odd, but it was flattering if that was the case.

Today, I'm out in the garden with Rose, for some reason she keeps requesting my company and I had a feeling I knew what reason it was. She took care of trimming the plants while I watered them. I looked to her and smiled. “So... how was your night?”

She smiled. “It went very well. I tried that recipe you suggested and it came out delicious. Thank you.”

I gave the mare a recipe for a vegetarian lasagna our first day working together to kind of break the ice. I nodded. “I'm glad to hear that.” We made it to the usual place and I filled up the watering can. She pulled out her pruning shears and began trimming. The thoughts of asking her a really simple question seemed daunting to me, but I had to do it if I wanted to find out for sure. “Hey, Rose?” She turned her gaze to me and stopped trimming. “I don't want to sound rude or anything, but why do you keep requesting my help? You're a unicorn after all.”

She quickly shot me a dirty look. “If you don't want to help-”

I waved my arms. “It's not that. I enjoy helping you, it's just- do you have a crush on me or something?”

Her face softened and she dug at the ground a bit. She was very nervous. “Maybe. Is that okay?”

I nodded. “I'm fine with that. I was curious, that's all.”

I walked beside her and she resumed trimming. “What about you? I've had a feeling you weren't interested even though-”

I chuckled. “Honestly? I'm not sure what to make of it. My whole life I've known no other being than my own kind. Imagine your whole life only seeing ponies; no dragons, no griffons... nothing else but pony. Then you suddenly meet something else.”

She nodded. “I see where you're coming from. I think I'd feel the same.”

I gently poured some water on the trimmed bush and moved as she continued down the line. “If you'd like, we could give it a shot. As far as I'm aware, I'll be here for a while. Maybe you could come with me to the crystal fair in a couple of months.”

She winced and took off a little more off the bush than she should have. “Oh, darn it!” She sighed. “It's nice of you to invite me, but I don't think I'll be able to make it.”

I shook my head. “Rose, I'm friends with Celestia, remember? If it's work related, I'm sure I can convince her to work something out. Besides, I think you could use some time off.”

I had to admit, I wasn't too keen on the idea of dating a pony, but I felt like I had to do something or else I'd go insane. There was something about her being near me. I hung around other mares in the castle doing something, sure, but being with her? Nah. I'm probably just imagining things. There's no way I could fall in love with a pony. Right?

We spent the next twenty minutes or so on the hedges. We didn't speak to each other much and generally just enjoyed each others company. We finished up this section and took a break. I walked to a nearby well, lowered the bucket, filled it, pulled it up and filled a cup with the cold liquid. “Thirsty?”

I extended my arm and she took the cup with her magic. She took a swig, gulped it down and shuddered. “Thanks, Scotty.”

I nodded and sat next to her. “Is the water cold today?” I pressed the cup against my lips, took a drink and I shuddered as well. “Yep! The water is cold today!”

We probably sat there for about fifteen minutes, chatting about one thing or another before we got up. “Should we continue?” She asked.

I nodded, took her cup, put them in my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I picked up the watering can and refilled it. “After you.” She smiled and started trotting and I followed right behind her. I hadn't noticed before, but the way her hips swayed was hypnotic. I shook my head to try to clear my head. I can't believe I was staring at her ass. I decided to stand at her side for the rest of our trek, I didn't need an unexpected guest hanging around.

The rest of the morning went by as normal and we decided to hit up the mess hall for lunch. We each got different mixed fruit bowls and sat down at a table. The rookie I sparred with walked by our table. “Hey, Scott! After lunch, do you want to spar again? It's been a couple of weeks.”

I put a strawberry in my mouth, chewed and nodded. I swallowed the bits of strawberry before opening my mouth again. “Sure, Blade.” He chuckled, patted me on the back and continued. I looked back to Rose who was giving me a glare. “What?”

She huffed. “You know quite well 'what'.”

I threw another fruit in my mouth, shrugged, chewed it up and swallowed it. “Relax, Rose. It's not like we're out to hurt each other.” That didn't reassure her though. “Trust me.” Listen to me. It sounds like I've known this mare for a long time and I'm telling her to trust me? What is wrong with me?

Rose and I parted ways after lunch, but I'm sure I'll run into her again before the day was over. I started down the hallway to the gym. Guess who decided to join me? If you guessed Crimson Blade, you're wrong. “Mister Bloom!” I turned and saw Princess Luna trotting up to me. “We are glad to have found you.”

I raised an eyebrow as I continued. “Pleasure to meet you too, Princess Luna. Call me Scott.”

She frowned and her ears fell back. “Forgive Us, Scott. We were... apprehensive about you at first, but We are glad to hear that you are a noble creature.”

Noble, my ass. If only she knew what kind of species we were. I wasn't sure if she was still nervous or if she's trying to keep up appearances. I gave her a small smirk. “You can relax, Your Majesty. I won't bite.”

She nodded and perked back up. “You may call me 'Luna', Scott, just as you call my sister 'Celestia'.”

I shook my head. “She sent you to see me, didn't she?”

She nodded. “Indeed she has. I have heard that you sparred with Crimson Blade and were beaten.” I let out an affirming grunt. “Are you going to face him again?” I nodded. “What makes you think you won't lose again?”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever happens will happen. I wasn't exactly focused on the match last time. A certain Draconequus made me angry. Not this time.”

We made it to the gym and entered. I didn't notice last time, but this place was huge. We saw several guards practicing on dummies; some unicorns were sparring with wooden sticks; some pegasi were sparring hoof-to-hoof in the air. I turned to Luna and smiled. “Are you sure you want to see this? It might get ugly.” She only nodded. “Alright...”

I walked toward Blade and shook his hoof. “You ready for another beatdown?” We took our sides in the ring. I looked toward Luna, who was watching intently. I looked back to Blade and we walked up to each other. A unicorn guard came up to us and put a MacGyvered pair of padded gloves on my hands before putting some on Blade. After he finished, he left the ring. Right now, the eyes of every unicorn, pegasus and winged unicorn were on us. I took up my boxer stance, chin down, eyes forward and fists in front of my face.

Ding!

I moved back a little to give me some time to study the hovering pegasus. Okay, Blade... what are you going to do? He moved backward and we began circling the ring. He flapped his wings a couple of times faster than normal. Was he going to charge? Yep, he's charging.

Luckily for me I took note that pegasi tend to charge with one leg forward. He charged with his right leg, so I parried to his left side. I threw a punch at his barrel and it connected to where the foreleg met it. He let out a loud groan, slowed down and spun around. I was already facing him, contemplating my next move. If I wanted any kind of advantage in this fight, I had to take out one of those wings, I just needed to be careful about it.

He flew up. He was going to try to dive bomb me. If this was a real fight, I'd sock him in the face as he came down. I'd probably break my arm doing so, but he'd be unconscious.

He dove, faster than I expected and stepped out of the way at the last second. “Whoa!” He yelled as he tumbled on the ground. He landed on his back in a daze and his wings were splayed. I took the opportunity and mounted him, pinning his wings beneath me. The sudden pressure on them snapped him back and he flailed his legs.

I took his left foreleg in my left hand, pinned it against the floor and quickly pressed my head against his to avoid wild strikes. I slipped my right arm underneath his and cupped the hand on my forearm. Before I could complete the key lock, a unicorn pulled us apart. “Alright! That's enough!”

The unicorn set us down and I could see the fear in Blade's eyes as he flapped his wings. They were going to be sore in the morning. He folded them against his body, walked up to me and extended his right leg. “Congratulations, Scott.” I shook his hoof. “I was wrong to underestimate you. I have a long way to go before I can take on minotaurs.”

I nodded, he turned and walked away. I turned and saw Luna approaching me. “Well done, Scott. We admire your approach and technique.”

I shrugged. “It could've been better, it could've been worse.” I looked back and saw that Blade was being taken care of. Some bandages being wrapped around his body to prevent him from injuring his wings further. I looked back to Luna and sighed. “I hope I didn't hurt him.” I walked forward to her side, leaving the gym.

She followed me and wrapped a wing around me. “I'm sure he'll be fine. You saw an opportunity and seized it.” We both looked forward and I barely saw Rose at the end. We looked back to each other and she smiled. “There's another opportunity. I suggest you take it while you're here.”

She removed her wing and proceeded down the hall. I looked back to the end of the hall and Rose was coming this way. Opportunity? I wonder if she means me and Rose? That's crazy, she wouldn't suggest that, would she? Rose did admit she had a crush on me. Maybe I should take that opportunity.

My focus returned to her and she galloped up to me. She looked concerned about me. “Scotty? Are you okay? Crimson Blade didn't beat you again, did he?”

I shook my head and smiled. “No. I managed to beat him this time and I have you to thank for that.”

That statement confused her. “What do you mean?”

I knelt and placed my hand on her shoulder. “Last time I sparred with him I was too angry with Discord to focus. Being with you made that go away.” Jesus! Did I really just say that?

A smile crept onto her face and tears formed in her eyes. “I'm happy to hear that.” She tapped me on the stomach with a hoof. “Now don't you go fighting him again.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “No promises, Rose. In the meantime, I gotta clean up.”

I stood and she nodded. “Right. I have a few more things to take care of, then I'll be done for the day. I'll see you later.”

I returned to my quarters and walked to the bathroom. I pulled the curtain back and started the water. Once it was at the perfect temperature, I inserted the drain plug and returned to the mirror. “Look at you. You're falling in love with a pony. A creature from a cartoon world. After the things you've done here, can you go back to that world?” I laughed at my own question. “Maybe, maybe not. It won't matter if Discord can't send me back. My family probably thinks I'm dead in the woods somewhere. Killed by a wolf or something.”

I sighed and looked at the tub. I slipped out of my clothes and slid into it and once the water reached the right depth, I shut off the valves. I am so glad that Celestia put me in a room with a tub this big. I was afraid that I'd be stuck with a dinky little thing that I could barely squeeze my ass in. This one though, I was able to slide my entire body length in the water and still have room, and that's what I did. I slid deeper in the water and closed my eyes, letting whatever troubles my mind is having float right out... everything but one issue.

What if Discord does find a way for me to go home? I didn't want to hurt Rose's feelings and I didn't want to take her with me, that's for sure. Even if she were turned into a human during the trip, I didn't want to subject her to the terrible things we do there.

“God... damn it!”

Author's Note

What's a guy supposed to do?

Chapter IV

Today was the day. The day I leave Canterlot for the Crystal Empire. Princess Celestia suggested I board the train early so no one would see me. How long has it been since I came here? Four months already? I had my suitcase packed up before I went to bed last night. I probably didn't get much sleep before my pseudo alarm clock woke me up. I got out of bed, did my morning routine and picked up my suitcase. I walked to the door, opened it and couldn't believe who was standing outside. “Good morning, Rose. Are you here to see me off?”

She shook her head and smiled. “No. I'm going with you. I didn't have any vacation time when you asked me, but I've got a few days saved and I'm taking them. I have a few things to care of before I can board though.”

I nodded with a yawn. “No problem. I'll probably pass out in the train after I get settled in.” I walked out of the room and Rose followed me down the hall. “I'm a little excited. I can't wait to see the Crystal Empire, though I am a little afraid of Shining Armor.”

Rose looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Why should you be afraid of him?” I told her what I did when I met Cadance. “Oh. He might let it slide since you're chummy with the other princesses.”

I nodded, unsure if she was right or not. “I hope you're right about that.”

We walked outside through a back door and started toward the train station. It was still dark, so I caught glimpses of Luna's guards. I could tell they were following me, then they'd break off to make sure my path was cleared of any ponies that might see me. Rose nuzzled my leg and sighed. “It's about time you really got out of the castle. The Crystal Empire is a beautiful place.”

Probably more amazing in person. “So I've heard.”

She giggled. “I am so excited. The empire is the only place in the world where crystal flora grows.”

We approached our designated train car and I pulled out a key Celestia had given me the night before. I looked to Rose and smiled at her. “I guess I'll see you later.”

She nodded. “Sweet dreams.”

I opened the door and let out a groan. I heard her chuckle as she walked away. I entered the car, closed and locked the door before looking for a spot to lay down at. It'd be difficult for a pony to see me, but I didn't want to take any chances. I went inside a private... room? I don't know what they called it, I've never been on a passenger train before. Anyway, I went inside, parked myself on a cot and closed my eyes.

I woke up to the sounds of a door opening and chattering ponies. Obviously we hadn't left the Canterlot station, since the train was boarding.

“Boy, howdy! Ah sure can't wait ta get ta the Crystal Empire. Ah bet y'all are excited too.” Applejack.

“Most definitely. Twilight, dear, where is that Scott fellow?” Rarity.

“He should be on board now. Let me take a look.”

“But... what if he's asleep? We probably shouldn't bother him.” Fluttershy, barely audible.

“Think I should wake him up with my party cannon?” Damn it, Pinkie Pie.

“As much as I'd like to see that, we better not, chances are you'll give him a heart attack.” Rainbow Dash.

I sat up and leaned against the wall as Twilight opened up the door. “There you are. I'm glad to see you're awake.”

I groaned and slowly stood up, minding the low ceiling. “Barely. Is Rose here?”

Twilight looked confused. “Rose? You mean Rose Petal?” I nodded and she looked behind her. “We haven't seen her, but she's probably on her way.”

I walked into the main part of the car and all eyes shifted toward me. The only one who wasn't shocked to see this strange creature was Pinkie Pie, who had her party cannon pulled out. “Good morning, l-” I was rudely interrupted by the firing of the party cannon. Confetti and streamers were blown out of it and the resulting explosion almost blew out my ears. As a result, I fell on my ass, almost knocking myself out on the wall behind me, I covered my ears, closed my eyes and let out a scream.

Rainbow Dash gasped and glared at her friend. “Darn it, Pinkie! Why'd you have to go and do that?”

I suddenly felt a bunch of hooves touch me and I looked to a distraught Twilight Sparkle. It looked like she was trying to talk to me, but her words were somewhat muffled. “Scott!” I yawned to try to fix my ears. “Are you alright?”

It seemed to help and I shook my head. “Not right now, but I'll live.”

The only one who wasn't trying to comfort me was Pinkie. To say she looked sad would be an understatement. Her normally poofy mane was deflated and she started tearing up. “I-I'm so sorry, Scotty.” She said between sniffles.

I waved her over. She slowly walked to me with her head hanging low, like she was expecting me to hit her or something. If I was raised differently I might have, instead I gave her a hug. “Accidents happen, Pinkie.” I broke the hug and looked her in her big, blue, tear-filled eyes. “Next time don't fire off the cannon inside a confined space.”

She wiped the tears with a leg, sniffled and giggled a bit. “I'll try to remember that. Again, I am so sorry, Scotty.”

Twilight waved a hoof at her friends. “Come on girls, gather around. You too, Scott.” I followed the group and we sat in a circle around her. She cleared her throat and looked around. “Does everypony remember what they're supposed to do?”

Applejack nodded. “Yep. Ah brought the apples, zap apple goodies and the cider.”

Rainbow Dash nodded too. “I'm ready to pull off a sonic rainboom when ever you're ready for it.”

Rarity nodded. “Yes, and I think it's gratifying to know we're raising money for charity.”

Fluttershy gave a meek smile. “All of my animal friends are on board.”

I looked around and nodded. “Sounds like everyone's ready for their thing.” I turned my attention to Pinkie Pie, who was still recovering from her depression. “Think you'll be ready Pinkie?” She nodded. I then turned my attention to Twilight. “What's this about a charity?”

She looked confused. “Celestia didn't tell you?” I shook my head. “We decided that the money spent on raffles will go to FAMARP.” I raised an eyebrow. “The Foal and Mare Abuse Recovery Program.”

My mouth fell open a bit. “What? That actually happens?” I never imagined stallions beating their wives and children, but then I shouldn't be surprised.

Twilight somberly nodded. “Unfortunately. The majority of the cases occur in larger cities like Baltimare, Manehattan, Phillydelphia and even Canterlot, but it's not uncommon in smaller towns like Ponyville. I'm surprised you haven't read up on it.”

I shrugged. “To be honest, that wasn't a topic I thought about. Once we come back, I'll make sure I do.”

The car door opened once more and in comes Rose. “Ugh... sorry I'm late, everypony.” She closed the door, saw me, made her way over and sat beside me. “I had some last minute paperwork to fill out.” I saw her levitated in some boxes. “I also brought doughnuts in case anypony gets hungry. There are enough for three each.”

“All aboard!”

I laughed and rubbed Rose's head. “Just in time, too.” She smiled and nuzzled my side. “You get the doughnuts from Joe's?” She nodded. To say his doughnuts are the best in Canterlot would be an understatement. If I were to compare them to doughnuts I've had on Earth, the closest would be Krispy Kreme.

I felt the train start moving and Twilight magically opened the first box and passed them around. I realized I haven't eaten anything yet and the smell of the doughnuts made my stomach growl.

Rainbow took a bite out of her doughnut and looked to Twilight. “Do you have the fair all worked out?”

Twilight nodded. “As a matter of fact, I do. In addition to the traditional fair, we'll add our Ponyville twist and Scott here will close the fair.”

Rarity smiled and looked my way. “You'll be singing that song, won't you, darling?” She raised her head and put a hoof on her chin in thought. “Oh dear, what was the name of it?”

I smiled. “Hooked on a Feeling. I'm glad you enjoy it.”

Applejack grumbled. “Twilight's played it back so many times that it's stuck in mah head. Ah catch mahself hummin' it while workin' the orchards.”

I chuckled quietly. “That doesn't sound like much of a complaint to me.”

She let out a hearty laugh and nodded. “Nah, it sure ain't.”

Fluttershy dug nervously at the floor. “The chorus is a little startling, but I like it.”

It seemed everyone enjoyed the song. That's good to know. “Hey, Rainbow Dash.” She looked to me with a smirk. “How would you like to help me close the fair?” She looked interested in hearing more. “As you know, the song ends with a fade out, but the chorus lyrics keep looping. What I want to do is have you perform the sonic rainboom at about the fourth loop to finish it.”

Her eyes widened and her wings flared. “Heck yeah! But there's one thing, how am I going to know when-”

Twilight raised a hoof. “I know a spell to amplify voices. It's a common spell for events with large audiences.”

Rainbow nodded understandingly. “Okay, so that takes care of that. I am so looking forward to the fair,” she grinned and rubbed the floor like she was about to charge, “and maybe do a little jousting.” I smiled and she gave me a somewhat sad look. “It sucks that you're not a pony, Scott. I bet you'd be awesome at jousting.”

Fluttershy cowered behind her mane and let out a high-pitched whimper. “Please tell me you don't want me to joust with you again.”

Rainbow let out a teasing hum. “Maaaybe. We'll see what happens when we get there.” Fluttershy whimpered again and she laughed. You are evil, Rainbow Dash.

Twilight yawned. “It's going to be a long train ride, I suggest we get some rest.”

Twilight's yawn was contagious, everyone else yawned also and went to their own benches. I laid down on the floor and looked to Rose. “I think I'm going to crash right here.”

She nodded and curled up beside me. “That sounds good.” She used her magic to levitate my arm and laid it over her barrel.

Rainbow looked at us and shook her head. “Weird.” She looked at AJ who was laying beside her. “What does that mare see in him?”

AJ chuckled. “The same question could'a been asked about you and Gilda.”

Rainbow glared at her friend. “I was never attracted to her like that and you know it. I'm fine with interspecies relationships because we know what's out there, but we don't know anything about his.”

AJ nodded in agreement. “True, but he was the one came up with this whole thing, remember?”

Rainbow groaned and curled up into a ball. “Whatever. I'm gonna take that nap now.”

Should I be mad at Rainbow for talking about me like that? Probably, but I have to agree with her. I'm still unclear about why Rose finds me attractive, but at the same time, it feels good being this close to someone... or in this case, some pony, so I don't really care what she says. I hope she finds someone to hold her the way I'm holding Rose, only then will she understand.

I must have dozed off again, because the next thing I felt was the train slowing down. It seemed everyone else was waking up too and I heard a mighty yawn escape from Rainbow Dash. I also felt Rose shuffling in my grasp, so I let her go and slowly stood up. “Okay... did anyone think about how I'm going to get out of here without being seen?”

Rainbow shrugged then looked to a waking Twilight. “Hey, Twi. Got any idea on how we're getting Scott outta here?”

Twilight groaned. “Well, I have two ideas. I could either turn him invisible, or cast a masking spell that will make him look like a pony.”

I tapped a finger on my chin. Invisibility sounds good, but if my appearance were to be altered, I wouldn't have to worry about ponies running into me. “Mask my appearance.” Twilight's horn lit up and a quiet hum emanated from it. Soon, a bright light quickly flashed and their jaws dropped. “So? How do I look?”

Rainbow burst into laughter. “You look good as a mare.”

I rolled my eyes back and looked to Twilight. “If stallions hit on me because of this, Twilight...”

The flustered princess chuckled. “Sorry. I haven't spent a lot of time practicing a stallion version.”

I nodded. “Will I be able to see my mare-ified version?”

Rarity nodded and beckoned me to follow her. “There's a vanity mirror in my personal room.” She slid the door open and we walked in.

Yeah, she's got a vanity mirror, big surprise. So yeah, I'll look like a mare, and a damned fine one if you ask me. She kind of had a build similar to Fleur De Lis, with a light tan coat, a long light brown mane that covered one of her sky blue eyes, not in the emo kind of way, but in a sexy way. Yeah... Twilight's going to pay for this, but I need to figure out how to do that.

“Everypony off for the Crystal Empire!”

I looked to Rarity. “That's our cue.” She nodded and I motioned for her to go. “Ladies first.”

She giggled, slid the door open and winked at me. “Now I know why Rose Petal likes you.”

We got off the train without incident and began heading toward the crystal castle. Despite all the depressed looking ponies, preparations for the fair looked like they were almost done. I shook my head at the ponies and sighed. “This looks bad.”

Twilight nodded in agreement. “I haven't seen them like this since their return. I wonder what's going on?”

I looked back to the train and saw some guards unloading the stuff for the fair, then forward again. “Let's go meet up with Cadance.” I looked up and noticed that Rainbow was looking a bit restless. “You want to go on a flyabout, don't you?”

She hovered beside me and gave me a confused look. “Flyabout?”

I chuckled, seemed like a good term to use instead of walkabout. Twilight looked at us and nodded. “That seems like a good idea, Rainbow. Maybe you can learn something from the ponies during our meeting with Cadance.” Rainbow saluted her and flew off.

I looked to Twilight and smirked. “How did you know what I meant?”

She laughed. “I noticed it too, Scott. She really did need to stretch her wings. Besides, she'll gain quite a bit of insight while she's up there.”

I almost forgot about that. Rainbow Dash has a hard time learning when she's grounded. But up in the air? Nothing escaped her.

We made it to the castle and were greeted by Cadance and Shining Armor. Twilight and Cadance danced and sang before the latter trotted up to me. “I don't believe we've met before.”

She extended a hoof. I took it and... damn it, I kissed it again. “I believe we have, Your Majesty.”

Cadance blushed and giggled. “Oh, forgive me. Let's go inside. I imagine you're quite uncomfortable looking like that.” To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Hardly anyone ogled me and the ones who did tried to be discreet, but failed miserably.

We went through the castle and the guards stared at me. One started to give me a wolf whistle, but thanks to Shining Armor, he didn't. I'm sure he'll have a few words with him later.

We made it to a secluded room and Cadance ordered the guards not to enter under any circumstances before closing the door. She looked to Twilight and nodded. “Okay, Twiley, change him back.”

Twilight nodded and the familiar light enveloped her horn. One quick flash later and she was done. Upon seeing that I looked like my old self, she gave a satisfied nod. “There.”

Shining's eyes widened as he examined me from head to toe. “Whoa. So you're the one who came up with this idea.” I nodded. “I hope your idea works.”

I shrugged. “So do I, but from the way it looks out there, I think it's going to be a temporary fix.” I chuckled. “I guess you have no problem with me kissing your wife's hoof not once, but twice then.”

Shining rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “As long as you don't do anything else, we're good.”

I clapped and rubbed my hands together. “Now that has been settled, how long until the fair starts?”

Shining gave me a smile. “Tomorrow. I'm looking forward to what all of you have brought. With Twiley's thorough planning, it should go off without a hitch.”

Speak of the devil. I looked to Twilight and pointed a finger at her. “Hey, do you think we can do the song earlier?”

She nodded. “I don't see why not. I was hoping it would be one of the first events, but.”

I laughed. “That's what we'll do then. I'll be the first event, that way I can start mingling with other ponies.” Everyone nodded. “Great. We got a plan. We should probably get settled and then check the place out.”

The rest of the day went as well as one would expect. We were taken to the mess hall to grab a bite to eat then were taken to our individual rooms. Rose insisted that she was paired up with me. The guards were initially shocked to see me, but when they found out I already met Cadance, they relaxed.

I opened the door to our room and let Rose in. Once she was in, she twirled around on the carpet and giggled to herself. “What are you so happy about?”

She turned to me and smiled. “It's so refreshing to be away from Canterlot.” She trotted to a window and opened up a curtain. It was dark outside, so the lights that came in were from lit torches outside and the moonlight. “The town here is magnificent, Scotty. I can't wait to show you the crystal heart tomorrow.”

I laid down on the bed on my back and she hopped up and snuggled beside me. “I don't remember when I was this excited about something.” She gave me a peck on the cheek. “I have you to thank for that.” She let out a heavy sigh. “Life was pretty dull before you showed up.” I bet. Doing the same thing day after day pretty much all day? I'm surprised she hasn't gone insane yet.

I stroked her mane as she nuzzled against my side. “Maybe Discord dragging me here was a good thing for both of us.”

She looked up at me and looked sad. “What are you going to do if he can send you back? Don't you miss your family? Your friends?”

I nodded. “I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I told you a little bit about what goes on there, and I don't want you to know more about it.” I chuckled. “Being around you is quite confusing for me.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged. “Before I came out here I never thought I'd meet anyone, you know?” She nodded. “I've had quite a bit of female friends, but they were already taken. I had a sad life going and I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the rest of the year there.” She laid her head on my chest as I continued my ministrations. “Then I met you.”

She giggled. “You're so sweet, Scotty. I guess we can give it a shot starting tomorrow.”

I nodded. “I'd like that. How about dinner out? Just the two of us.” She nodded and laid my chin on her head. “It's a date.”

The fair was ready to begin, so Cadance, Shining Armor and Twilight escorted me to the stage where I'd be performing. Despite the many down ponies, they seemed a little excited about it.

Twilight walked past me and on the stage. I couldn't see much, but I saw her horn briefly fire up. “Is everypony having a good time so far?” Her voice boomed. She must have used that spell to amplify her voice. The crowd cheered and applauded. “I'm glad to hear that. To kick off the fair, I have a special presentation for you. The one responsible for this year's fair is not a pony, nor is he a creature anypony has seen outside of the Canterlot and Crystal castles.” There's my cue. “Please give a warm welcome for Scott Bloom!”

The applause gained strength as I began walking out and I could hear the song start. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I would never think about doing anything like this back home this was completely out of character for me. I was almost out when the third loop of the intro played and was out by the fourth. Twilight cast a spell on me, most likely the voice amplification spell before going behind the curtains and I... started singing.

By the end of the first chorus, the crystal ponies were starting to get into it. I had to admit, after seeing how down they were this morning, seeing them excited like this brought a tear to my eye. I can't wait to see Cadance and Shining's reaction to this.

It was time for the final chorus. As I began, I threw my arms up in the air, encouraging the crystal ponies to join in and join in they did. I was on the fourth loop and when I shouted 'hooked on a feeling', a sonic rainboom exploded overhead, putting an end to the song.

The crowd exploded in cheers and applause and there was enough energy radiating from them that a tangible energy wave made its way to what I'm assuming was the crystal heart. It's a shame it wasn't nighttime, the resulting light would've been beautiful to see illuminating the sky. Rainbow Dash and Twilight joined me and we bowed. I stood back up and with a smile, I raised my arms once more, quieting the crowd. I wasn't big on speeches, but I had to say something. “Thank you all. I don't know what has been bothering you, but to see you excited like this makes me glad to be here.”

Yeah, I just said that. It should last another few hours, then I'll head back to the castle, clean up and dress up for my date with Rose Petal, my little pony.

Son of a bitch, am I really that into her? Do I really want to stay?

Author's Note

That was pretty long for what I normally do. Thanks for continuing to read this terrible story.

Chapter VI

A week had passed and I was still a pegasus. As it turned out, along with a new body, I had a new brain, so there were no seizures since becoming a pegasus. I was finally free from that prison. I lived with Rose the whole time and I continued helping her tend the gardens. While I had grown used to having a pegasus body, becoming more dextrous with both wings in the process, some of those in the castle weren't used to the new me. Blade was probably the one who took it the hardest. We were sparring partners, after all. We sparred once in my new form. He took advantage of my situation and mopped the floor with my face. He apologized later and told me that his victory over me felt hollow. He clearly missed my human form... and he wasn't the only one.

Despite me being self-conscious about my new body, I was the only... pony who was uncomfortable about my appearance. While going through the city, I overheard conversations about me. Well, human me, anyway. There were questions about what happened to me in genuine curiosity; some rude comments about my residence at the castle, that the princesses were fools to keep a beast in the guest quarters. Thankfully, I never heard anything about my involvement with Rose. Either they didn't know, or they didn't care. I'm betting it was the former. I'm hoping it was the former.

We were at the station. I would be going alone to Ponyville for a week. The thought of doing something on my own was almost tear-jerking for me. Back home, I enjoyed whatever alone time I would get while my parents were off running errands, but I never actually did much on my own.

“All aboard for Ponyville!”

I gave her a quick hug before I boarded the train. “I'll see you later, Rose.”

She nodded and wiped away a tear. “Say hi to my sister for me.”

Her “sister”, Roseluck was a florist in Ponyville. The two aren't related by blood, but rather they've known each other their whole lives and adopted each other as sisters, the same way my mom and her lifelong friend did. I nodded and smiled. “Will do.”

I boarded the train and took a seat next to the window. I looked out and saw Rose, grinning and waving. I waved back as the train started pulling out.

A few minutes passed before the train completely left the Canterlot station. I faced forward and let out a sigh of relief. If I stay in Equestria any longer, I just might give up on Earth. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride.

Several more minutes had passed until I heard someone clearing their throat. “You're not very talkative, are you?”

I looked to my right and saw a pegasus mare. She looked to be in her mid-forties. “Sorry, just thinking.”

She raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “About what, dear?”

I shrugged and looked out the window. “Lots of things. Home, my family, my time in Canterlot, Rose... Discord.” I grumbled quietly at the mention of his name.

I heard a giggle behind me. “Got a filly friend, eh? You look like you've got a good head on your shoulders.”

I chuckled and looked back to her. “Thanks, ma'am.”

She smiled. “Handsome and well-mannered. You'll make a fine husband.”

I shook my head and looked out the window. “I wasn't always like this. I was quite the monster growing up. It wasn't until I was fifteen when my brother beat the piss out of me which began a slow change.” She looked intrigued, like she wanted me to continue the story. “It was an early morning, before dawn broke and I was trying to sleep. My brother and a few of his friends were in the back yard drinking and having a good time. My hearing had been sharper than most my whole life, so...”

She nodded understandingly. “You were able to hear everything that was going on, so you went outside and asked them to be quiet. Must be tough.”

I shook my head. “Some days it's not so bad, other days it's maddening. I was rude when I... 'asked' and a few minutes after I climbed into bed... he started throwing punches.”

She clicked her tongue. “Oh dear.”

I shrugged. “It wasn't that bad, really. I turtled up and shoved him off of me a couple of times. Neither of us were hurt physically, but the experience changed me psychologically.”

She looked me over curiously. “Strange. You are a pegasus, but it sounds you have the hearing of a thestral. Are you related to any?”

I shook my head. “No, I'm not. I guess it could be chalked up to biology.”

She gave me a strange look, slowly nodded then smiled. “I noticed you don't have a cutie mark. How old are you?”

I hung my head. “Almost thirty years old. For the last thirteen years I've been trying to find something to do, but every time I do... it blows up in my face. It's like I'm not meant to have a purpose.”

She gave me a quick smack on the back of my head, lifted my chin up and turned my head to look her in the eye. “Every pony has a purpose. I've met ponies in their fifties and older without cutie marks and they've found purpose for themselves.” She stroked my face tenderly. “Sorry about the hit.”

I rubbed the back of my head and chuckled. “No worries. I think I needed that.”

She settled into her seat and sighed in content. “Good. Now be a good stallion for your mare.”

I stifled my laughter and nodded. “I intend to.”

She let out a victorious huff. “Now, about the other things.”

The mare and I spent a good chunk of the train ride talking about everything up to my arrival in Canterlot. I left out certain details for obvious reasons. Since being turned into a pegasus, I began to feel a sense of belonging. Knowing what awaited me back home, I also began to feel less inclined to go back and that Equestria was my home now. Those thoughts troubled me. I'm a human being, or rather, I was a human being.

The train pulled into Ponyville. I let the mare I talked to out before me and we went our separate ways. I looked ahead and saw that Twilight was waiting for me. Our eyes met, she galloped up to me and hugged me. Ponies are physical creatures, more than humans that's for sure. I've never been held this much outside of my family.

She released her grip and we began heading toward her castle. “Have you figured it out, yet?”

She nodded and let out an affirming grunt. “Yes, the first thing I'll need to do to send your letter is to get an exact location.”

I smirked. “Going to crawl into my brain for that?”

She giggled. “You know me too well.”

I fumbled over a step, but caught myself. “So... where am I going to be staying? A hotel or something?”

She shook her head. “No. I've prepared a guest room for you at the castle.”

I stifled my laughter and shook my head. “You're too kind to me, Twilight.”

All of a sudden, three fillies approached us, a white unicorn with a two-tone purple mane and tail, Sweetie Belle; a pale yellow earth pony with a red mane with a pink bow and a red tail, Apple Bloom; and an orange pegasus with a short-cut purple mane and tail, Scootaloo.

Scootaloo's grin looked like it would threaten to rip her face apart. “Are we still on for Twilight Time today?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course. I'll see you this afternoon. Is your class still going to Canterlot tomorrow?”

The trio nodded, looked at me, smiled and looked back to Twilight. “You got a colt friend, Twilight?” They gave her a squeezing hug. “You have a radical look, mister. I bet you're using those special contacts to give your eyes that color.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Leave Scotty alone for now, he just arrived.”

They let her go and ganged up on me before galloping off. “We can't wait to see you again, Scotty!”

I shook my head and chuckled. “Kids.” I looked to Twilight, my smile not faltering. “Do they know about me?”

She nodded. “They know about human you, but not pony you. I'm sure they'll figure it out soon.”

I smirked. “From what I've been told, each of them are smart in their own way.” She giggled and nodded. “I'd like to get settled, then wander around town, if that's okay.”

She nodded again. “Of course, Scott. You don't need my permission. All I ask is that you behave yourself.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “You're no fun, Twilight.”

We approached the castle and it was far different than what it looked like in the season finale. Instead of it being a crystalline structure, it had a more earthy appearance. Almost looked like the old library, except much bigger. There were even crystal-like “leaves” sprouting off the ends of the branches. It was jaw-dropping to say the least. I did my best to regain my composure, but I couldn't.

Twilight giggled and pulled me along. “Come on. I'll show you where you'll be staying.”

After finding my room and getting settled in the castle, I decided to take that walk around Ponyville. Rose told me her sister worked at the flower shop, so I was going to pay her a visit first.

A bell rang as I opened the door and I was greeted by the warm smiles three mares. One had a lime-green mane and tail and lightish pink coat; another had a blonde mane and tail and a magenta coat with a white flower next to her ear; the last one I recognized as Roseluck, her color scheme was almost identical to Rose Petal's. I looked into her eyes and smiled. As I did, I heard gasps and giggles coming from the other two. “Are you Roseluck?” She slowly nodded and I approached her. “My name is Scott. Rose Petal sends her regards.”

Her mouth opened and her eyes widened briefly. “So you're the one she mailed me about. The one transformed by Discord.” I nodded. “I'm sorry about that.” She smiled and pointed a hoof to her colleagues, at blondie first. “This is Lily,” then to the other, “and this is Daisy.”

I nodded at them. “Hello, ladies.” I looked at the variety of flowers in stock, but I've seen most of these all over Canterlot. “Do you have anything unique?”

The three mares huddled and talked about something. Let's find out...

“What can we get for him?”

“I'm not sure, he obviously wants to buy something for Petal.”

“He wants something unique, I don't blame him.”

“What do you suggest?”

“About the only thing I can think of is-”

“No. Don't even suggest it. It's not even a flower.”

“Suggest what?”

I cleared my throat. “I think what Daisy was about to suggest was the Poison Joke.”

The mares broke off and looked at me. “You heard us?” Daisy asked in shock.

I nodded. “Yeah. It's kind of a curse. Sorry.”

Roseluck nodded. “Yeah... that would be the most unique item in Equestria as it only grows in the Everfree Forest.”

Lily gave me a skeptical look. “How did you know about the Poison Joke?”

At this point I wouldn't be lying to them. “I read about them in the Canterlot library.” I took a moment to think about the idea. I nodded, opened my bit pouch and laid a few bits on the counter between us. “Thanks, girls.”

I think I left them in a stupor as I walked out of the store empty-handed... or empty-hooved as the case may be. “But we didn't sell him anything.” I gave a smile as the door closed behind me. Oh yes you did, ladies. You sold me an idea.

The Poison Joke... now if that wasn't unique enough, I wouldn't know what would be. There'd be some problems though, how to harvest the plant without coming into contact with it, which would easily be solved if there was a unicorn present. There'd be the problem of containing the plant and keeping it fresh on the trip back to Canterlot. A unicorn could build a container and maybe cast some kind of stasis spell on it.

Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'd hate to ask Twilight to help me with it, but I probably wouldn't have a choice. I'll worry about that later though, it's time to keep moving.

Going through town, I had the unpleasant experience of being crashed into by Rainbow Dash. I heard several gasps. It took a moment for me to recover after the tumble we took and I realized that we ended up in a rather... awkward position. To make this even more embarrassing, my wings shot out against my will. God damn it. I shook the unneeded thoughts out of my head and rolled Rainbow off of me before crawling alongside the dazed pegasus. “Rainbow Dash!”

She blinked, groaned and shook her head. “Oh... sorry about that. I really need to be more careful.”

I chuckled and helped her sit up. “It's alright, I'm just glad you're okay.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, then her eyes widened. “Scotty?” I nodded. “So it is true. Discord did change you.” She winced and shook her head. “You... you look terrifying.”

I laughed and helped her up. “I thought Applejack was supposed to be the honest one of the bunch.”

She scowled. “Hey! I'm honest too.”

I nodded in agreement. “I know, Rainbow.”

She rubbed her face with a hoof and groaned. “So... how are you doing with the wings?”

I looked at the useless appendages and groaned. I was just glad they closed back up. “Not very well, I'm afraid.” I looked back to her and sighed. “As someone who wasn't born with them, it's quite difficult to get used to having the new nerve endings.” I stifled a laugh. “It's quite ironic too.” She raised an eyebrow. “I'm afraid of heights.”

She covered her mouth and tried to stifle her own laughter, but she burst and fell over. It wasn't long before I joined her in riotous laughter.

After we recovered, we sat up and looked at each other. “So, how long are you in town?”

I stood up and helped her up once more. “A week. I'm here mainly to see if Twilight can send a letter to my world.”

She nodded. “If anypony can do that, it's Twilight.” She fluttered her wings and lifted herself into the air. “Sorry again about crashing into you, Scotty. I gotta go.”

She took off before I could get a chance to tell her not to worry about it. Oh well. I started walking and had a horrifying thought, maybe she was aware that her face was buried in my crotch. If I wasn't involved with Rose, it would've been flattering, but now I'm worried about what she'd do to me if she found out.

I walked through the square and saw Lyra and Bon Bon on a bench, talking about something while sipping on drinks. Whatever it was, it wasn't my business.

“Have you heard about that creature that's living in Canterlot castle?”

Okay... maybe I should listen in.

“Yes, Lyra, I have.” The cream-colored mare let out an annoyed sigh. “And there's nothing special about him. You've seen other bipedal creatures.”

Lyra let out a frustrated groan. “The only other bipeds here are Minotaurs. Come on, Bonnie. Please?” She was adamant about seeing me, wasn't she?

Bon Bon let out a sigh of defeat. “Fine. But don't ask him to poke you, either. Seriously, you have the weirdest bucket list. You're the only mare I know that wants to be poked by everything before she dies.”

That's it. I had to know for sure what they were talking about.

Lyra giggled. “What did they call him? A hoo-mahn?”

I cleared my throat. “I think it's pronounced 'hue-min'.” I gave them a nervous smile. “Sorry, I couldn't help listening to your conversation.” I looked to Bon Bon. “What did you mean by 'being poked'?”

Lyra beamed. “Well, it's my dream to be poked by every creature in the world before I die.” She walked up to me and jabbed me on the shoulder with her hoof. “Like that.”

I laughed in relief. “Okay, I thought you meant something else.”

The two mares glared at me for a moment, then Lyra rolled her eyes back in thought. “Now that would be interesting.” She looked to her friend. “What do you think Bonnie?”

She shook her head. “No thanks. Stallions are enough for me.”

Lyra pouted. “You're no fun, Bonnie. Don't you want to experience a nice, big, thick dragon-”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Okay! I think this is my cue to leave.” I galloped away, trying to figure out where to go next.

What the hell was wrong with my luck today? First Rainbow Dash and I tumbled into a sixty-nine then I gave Lyra the idea to screw a male of every species before she died, including mine. I seriously doubt that Rose would like that idea. I thought I should head back to the library. Who knew what else might happen?

I was escorted to the throne room. I looked at Twilight and she looked back. She smiled, closed her book, put it aside and crawled off her throne. “That was quick. How do you like Ponyville so far?”

I let out a nervous groan and rubbed the back of my head. “It was... awkward to say the least.” She gave me a curious look. “Never mind that. Do you know if it's possible to contain a sample of Poison Joke in a stasis container?”

She nodded ecstatically. “Oh yes, it is. I am planning on opening a museum here in Ponyville and I already have a large collection of specimens in the castle basement. Why do you ask?”

I sat down. “Well, I want to get something for Rose. Something exotic, you know?”

She grunted and glared at me. “Poison Joke isn't a flower, Scotty.”

I nodded. “I know, but I've seen everything else in Canterlot. You don't see too many patches of Poison Joke there.”

She relented. “Alright. I'll make sure we collect a sample of it before you return to Canterlot.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks, Twilight. I'd like to get the letter taken care of now if you don't mind.”

She grinned and floated a quill, an inkwell and a sheet of paper. “I was hoping you'd say that. I had an idea on a way for them to respond.”

Intriguing. “What did you have in mind?”

She beamed. “Well, I was thinking about enchanting a stamp to send a letter directly to you, no matter where you're at. So, what would you like to tell them?”

I cleared my throat and began.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope this letter finds its way to you. I apologize for not trying to contact you sooner, my life has been changed drastically and has been difficult for me to keep up. Rest assured that I didn't have a seizure and die in the woods.

I've been living in a castle for the last four months, believe it or not. I found a girlfriend among the staff, a gardener named Rose and I've been keeping busy not only helping her, but sparring with rookie guards as well.

I wish I could come back right now, I really do, but I can't yet. As much as I want to see you guys again, I don't think you'd understand what has happened to me. I don't understand it myself, but I don't care, this place has been kinder to me than home ever was.

In two months time, even if what happened to me hasn't been resolved, I'll be paying a visit. If you want to respond, I'll be sending a special stamp with this letter. All you have to do is ink the stamp, press it against the paper and it will be sent directly to me.

Tell Joe and Tiff I said hi and that I miss them both.

She set my letter on the table. “Is that it?”

I nodded. “Yeah. That's it.”

She walked over to me, ignited her horn and pressed it against my head. I could see my blue planet as if I were looking at it through Google Earth. We descended to my Earth home nearly twenty miles north of the Wisconsin-Michigan border. We landed just outside the house and entered like a no-clip cheat was active. “Where would you like the letter?” We maneuvered through the house and into the kitchen. We looked around, I spotted my mom's laptop on the table and I nodded.

She broke the connection and she backed up, looking a bit woozy. I rushed to her and laid a leg on her. “Twilight? Are you alright?”

First she shook her head, then nodded. “Yeah... I'll be fine. This might drain me.”

I shook my head. “If getting the location did this to you, I don't think you should be sending it. It might lay you up.”

She shook her head. “No, I'll be fine. It'll be just the one letter. I'll have a second stamp enchanted so that you can send more.”

I tried stifling some tears as I pulled her in for a gentle hug. “You're awesome, Twilight.”

She giggled. “I know.” Her horn lit up again and zapped two stamps with her magic. She placed one stamp on the letter, rolled it up, enveloped it in her magic. I could see sweat forming on her face as she concentrated on sending the letter. Her horn flared brighter a few times, then the letter vanished. After that, she collapsed on the floor.

I laid beside her and nuzzled her. “I owe you big time, Twilight. Whatever you want or need me to do to help you, all you have to do is ask.”

She gave me a weak smile. “It's no problem. Your parents needed to know that you're okay.”

I helped her get back up. “Come on, let's get some lunch. On me, no arguing.” She smiled and nodded in agreement.

Twilight and I left the library. Hopefully my parents will be able to follow the instructions we provided so they can write back. I stood next to her, then pulled her in for a hug, crying in joy. “Thank you again, Twilight.”

Suddenly there was a loud crumbling sound coming from the north. Twilight and I looked in that direction... toward Canterlot and we saw the unthinkable...

The west tower of Canterlot castle began to fall.

A crowd of ponies gathered around us, taking in the horrific scene unfolding. There was a lot of crying, from both foals and adults. I fell onto my haunches, feeling breathless and helpless. There was only one pony I could think of.

“Rose... Rose!”

Twilight grabbed a hold of me and we teleported out of Ponyville.

Author's Note

How can so many bad things happen on such a beautiful day?

Chapter VII

I woke up with a startled gasp. That had to have been the most vivid dream I've had in the longest time. I looked out the window and saw that it was still night, then to my side and saw Rose stirring in her sleep with her back turned to me. I laid back down and held her, tightly, but gently. I rested my muzzle against her neck and took in her scent, which became an aphrodisiac for me.

I was completely in love with this mare and I came to accept it. Part of me screamed that this was wrong for some idiotic reason or another, but that part was subdued whenever she smiled at me; whenever I smelled her and whenever she touched me and, as cliched as it sounded, every time we kissed, she turned me into jelly. Every time I snuggled with her like this, my mind became clear and I could actually think and focus on one topic instead of having a billion thoughts fighting for dominance, and because of this, I had a much easier time sleeping at night. My eyelids began to feel heavier and the siren song of slumber called to me.

I found myself in a wide open field with green grass and a few trees. The only hint of light came from the moon above. “Come on out, Luna. I know you're there.”

She materialized in front of me and gave me a smile that was as warm as her sister's. “You have some vivid dreams, Scott.”

I snorted and shook my head. “I just hope it was just a dream.”

She cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?” I gave her a moment to think about what I said. It clicked in her brain and her eyes widened. “Are you suggesting that it could have been a premonition?”

I gave her a slow, affirming nod. “Yes, Luna. I've had two in my life, and both times bad things happened. One was exaggerated, the other vague. The first was worse than the second.”

Her curiosity was piqued and she stared at me intently. “Go on.”

I started walking and beckoned her to follow me. We walked side by side for a while in the expansive dreamscape. “First time it happened, I was a child. We had a cat and a bird.” My explanation was illustrated by a dark calico cat and a budgie. “One night, I dreamed that a large cat attacked a large bird. And then the following night...”

She let out an understanding grunt. “That was the exaggerated dream. And the vague one?”

The cat and bird disappeared and I shook my head. “My mom and I had applied for a retail store seven or eight years ago.” This explanation was illustrated with my mom and I sitting at our old dining table. “In that dream, I found my mom crying about something.”

She slowly nodded. “That was the vague one.”

I took a deep breath. “The moment I woke up, I knew exactly what it was about. Later that day, when the mail came in, we both got cards basically telling us thanks, but no thanks.” The illustration vanished. “Care to guess what happened next?”

Luna let out a heavy sigh. “Your mother cried her eyes out. Tell me, Scott, have you tried-”

I chuckled. “Have I tried tapping into it?” She nodded. “To be honest, I wouldn't know how to do that.”

Her eyes rolled back in thought as she let out out a quiet, contemplative hum. “I suppose we could try sensory deprivation. It's not a completely successful practice, but it could help your mind focus on it.”

“I'll think about it, I have a train to catch in the morning.” I rubbed my face with a hoof and let out a quiet groan. “Can I ask a favor?” Luna nodded. “Could you have someone keep an eye on Rose and Blade?”

Luna cocked her head to the side in curiosity. “Of course, but may I ask why though?”

I shrugged. “What's in the west tower?” Celestia's guards' barracks. “Would the recruits reside there as well?” Luna nodded. “It might seem silly, but I'm worried about Blade and Rose. Crimson Blade would be residing there and I know Rose tends the gardens. She's not too keen on me sparring with him, so I just want to make sure that they don't hurt each other.”

With a final nod, Luna began hovering above the ground. “I will see that my sister keeps an eye on the two. Good night, Scott.”

I felt Rose's warm breath as I started waking up. Her legs were bent in a way to press as much of her body against mine as possible. Our snoots were pressed together in an awkward, yet adorable way. Awkward for me, but I imagine if someone else saw us like this, they'd die from cuteness overload.

I stroked her with a free hoof and she began to stir. Letting out a quiet moan, her eyes fluttered open. Her green orbs looked into mine and she smiled, stroking my cheek with her free hoof. “Mmm... good morning handsome.”

I gave her a quick peck on the lips and rubbed my snoot against hers. “Good morning, beautiful.”

She nuzzled my chest tenderly and muttered something. “We should probably get up. You don't want to be late for your train.” She squirmed her way out of her perfect comfy spot and climbed off of the bed.

My eyes found their way to the window. I saw what looked like white flakes coming down. “Hey, Rose. Is it snowing?”

She lifted her brush with her magic and started brushing her mane. “I guess I forgot to tell you, winter is just a couple of weeks away. Looks like they're making it snow earlier this year.”

I thought I was rid of snow and winter, but I guess not. That meant Hearth's Warming Eve was right around the corner. I hoped I had enough bits saved up to get her something nice while I was in Ponyville. I looked at her with a curious gaze. “You got anything special planned for this year?”

She used the mirror's reflection to look at me. “Aside from spending time with you?” She giggled. “My father usually comes out here for Hearth's Warming Eve.” She stopped brushing her mane and she looked like she forgot something really important. “I never told you about him, did I?” I shook my head and she cussed under her breath. “Come, I'll talk more during breakfast.”

It was a small breakfast. We each had a bowl of cereal, some orange juice and toast. Using my left wing, I picked up a spoon and dug into the cereal. “So... about your father.”

She gave me a small smile. “His name is Landscape and I think you two will get along fine. He's a landscaper and has been all over Equestria making sure building foundations, gardens and crop fields were perfect. Then he was drafted by the Equestrian Army during our scuffle with the griffons. After his tour in Griffondale, he was given an honorable discharge and went back to his passion.”

I swallowed my cereal and nodded. “That's good. How long has it been since the griffons?”

She rolled her eyes back in thought as she continued chewing her food. She swallowed and looked back to me. “It was about ten years.” She set her spoon down, hung her head and sighed.

I gave her a curious look as I set my own spoon on the table. “Rose? Are you okay?” She lowered her spoon and began to sniffle. It took her a moment to compose herself, then she explained it to me. She had a coltfriend in Equestria's equivalent to the Air Force. Their mission was to provide support for the unicorn and earth pony ground forces. They did their job, but at a great cost. Many of the pegasi were killed by the griffons. They were either killed in combat or were captured, her coltfriend was captured before he was killed. “I'm sorry, Rose.” I extended a foreleg and laid my hoof on hers. “If you want me to, I can stay in Canterlot.”

She wiped her eyes and shook her head. “What about trying to contact your family?”

I shook my head. “They can wait. You're in pain right now.”

She gave me a weak smile. “You're too good to me, Scotty.”

I let out a quiet chuckle. “How about we stay in today. I don't think Celestia would mind.”

She laughed. “As tempting as that sounds, I should go in today. Those plants don't maintain themselves. I wouldn't mind having company though...”

After a while, we finished breakfast and were about to leave the apartment to the castle. We passed up the dresser and my train ticket laid on top. Rose gave me an uncertain look as I opened the door. “Are you sure you don't want to go to Ponyville? I think I'll be okay.”

A part of me did want to go to Ponyville, but another part was afraid of what will happen. I should trust Rose to not get into a fight with Blade. But what if that dream I had wasn't exaggerated? I had a hard enough time worrying about my family on Earth, I'd be a wreck if something happened to my friends here in Canterlot. I finally gave in and nodded. “Okay. I'll go to Ponyville.” I walked to the dresser and picked up my ticket with my wing. “You be careful and be good.”

The train ride to Ponyville wasn't as long as I expected it to be. I couldn't believe that the train went through the mountain several times as the track spiraled downward. During that part I was in total awe. What little sunlight poured into the tunnels, it bounced off of the many gemstones that stuck out of the sides. I may not have been able to tell how many carats each gem was, but I knew that most of them were larger than the Hope Diamond. If I could take one of those gems back to Earth, my family would be set for generations.

Everything got boring after the mountain though. It was like traveling across I-80 through Nebraska, except with fewer cornfields and more open plain.

Eventually, the train made it to Ponyville. I stepped out of it and was briefly mesmerized by the falling snow.

“Hey! Scotty!”

I was pulled out of my trance when I heard the voice. I scanned the area and saw a purple pony waving at me. I quickly made my way to her. “Hey, Twilight. Always a pleasure to see you.”

She blushed slightly and gave me an awkward smile. “Isn't that something you should say to Rose?” I nodded in agreement. Truth be told, Twilight was a sight for sore eyes. “I may have figured out a way to send you home.”

I raised a curious eyebrow as we started walking away from the station toward Twilight's castle. “Really? How would that work?”

Twilight grinned like a kid in a candy store. “I discovered it while researching a way to send a letter to your world. It works the same way, except it would require more magical energy than sending a letter.” I wouldn't doubt it. “The first thing I'd have to do would be to learn the location where you want to be sent. Once I have that, the rest will be relatively easy.”

I nodded. While I didn't understand how magic worked, I understood energy requirements and the two seemed to be more similar than I expected. Some days I wished Discord turned me into a unicorn instead of a pegasus. “Should I ask how the location would be acquired?”

Twilight's smile didn't falter as she chuckled. “Nothing harmful will happen, I assure you. I will need to probe your mind for the exact location, that requires very little magical energy, but the process of sending the letter to another world would be exhausting for even the most powerful unicorns. Imagine what sending a living creature would do.”

I smirked. “Oh, so it wouldn't be a problem for you, then.” Twilight simply shook her head. We finally approached the castle and entered.

It didn't take long to get a letter sent to my parents, which included a special stamp which would magically teleport any letter they want directly to me. The process left Twilight drained, so I decided to take her to lunch. On our way out, I looked toward Canterlot.

Twilight approached me and glanced at me before looking toward Canterlot as well. “Is something wrong?”

I took a deep breath and smiled. “No... nothing's wrong.” I turned around. “Come on.”

Author's Note

Sorry about this being shorter than usual, been having brain farts about which direction to go after the last chapter.

I also wanted to do a Hearth's Warming Eve chapter, but I don't think I'll be able to do that in time.

Chapter VIII

After spending a week in Ponyville, I found the perfect gift for Rose: an engagement ring. Inspired by my brother, I also found a music box made to look like a little Christmas tree. I figured Hearth's Warming Eve was similar to Christmas Eve, so there would probably be a party at Canterlot Castle. Rose, her father and I and probably others, maybe a few friends and coworkers would be there. I planned to pop the question then.

As soon as I set hoof back in Canterlot territory, I made my way toward the castle. I hoped that I would run into Celestia before Rose. Thankfully, I did. She was flanked by her personal aide, Raven I think her name was, and the two were walking my way. The princess saw me and gave me a solemn look. “Scott, I have some news.” We stopped in the middle of the hallway and I listened intently. “Your request to have Rose Petal and Crimson Blade watched yielded something.” I felt my heart skip a beat. “Rose Petal was in an argument with him. It was about you.”

I lowered my head. “About me?” I raised my head to look her in the eye once more. “What was it about?”

Celestia laid her foreleg on me reassuringly. “Rose Petal was concerned that Crimson Blade might be too rough on you when you two spar.” That was it? “One of my guards witnessed her strike him with a hoof.”

I shook my head and chuckled. “No matter where I go, someone is going to coddle me.” Celestia's frown deepened. “Thank you, Celestia.” I nodded and popped open my saddlebag with a wing. I was actually getting better with them. “Right. I have something I need hidden.” I pulled out the box containing the ring I had for Rose.

I turned my head back toward Celestia who grabbed the box with her magic in wide-eyed curiosity. “What's in here?” The box clicked open and her eyes expanded. “Oh, Scott! This is beautiful.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I got that ring for Rose. Hearth's Warming Eve is almost here, isn't it?”

The two mares nodded in confirmation. “Yes, next month.” Her aide said.

Perfect. “Celestia, will there be a party here that night?” She nodded. Of course there would be. Dumb question. “Okay. Could you hold on to the ring? I want it to be a surprise.”

She closed the box and gave me an excited smile. “I most certainly will. Good luck, Scott. If you're looking for Rose Petal, she is under house arrest.”

All of a sudden, an envelope appeared out of thin air and plopped to the ground face up. On it was the seal from Twilight's enchanted stamp. I picked it up and put it in my bag. “Please don't be mad with her, she's only looking out for my safety.”

She nodded understandingly. “I'm not. It was actually her idea and Crimson Blade is willing to let the incident slide. You have made some good friends, Scott.”

She laid a gentle hoof on me and her smile returned. “Thank you, Celestia.”

She spun me around and smacked my ass. “Now go see your special somepony.” Right.

I approached Rose's apartment, cleared my throat and knocked on the door a few times. It wasn't Rose who answered, but an older stallion. He gave me a thorough examination before speaking. “You're Scott.” I nodded in confirmation and he stepped back. “I'm Landscape, Rose Petal's father. Come in, she's been wanting to see you for a while.” I bet.

I unstrapped my saddle bags and set them on the coffee table. “Nice to finally meet you, sir.” I raised my foreleg, we wrapped fetlocks and we shook them.

The two of us started walking toward the bedroom. “She's been saying nothing but good things about you, Scott. About what you did for the crystal ponies. I heard about that, but I heard a strange, bipedal creature was behind it.”

I tried holding my laughter back, but I let out a quiet chuckle anyway. “I was that bipedal creature and it was just a song, it's not like I rescued them from Sombra. I also have Discord to thank for my new body.”

He smiled. “Well, as long as you're good to my little filly, you're alright with me.”

That was good news. He barely knows me and he's good with me dating his daughter. “Um... I've got something to ask.” He gave me an expectant look. “Would you be okay if I asked Rose for her hoof in marriage?” I asked in a whisper.

We abruptly stopped. His eyes widened in shock and I don't know what else. He just stood there, staring at me for what felt like an eternity. I knew the cliché of overprotective fathers and their daughters and I was prepared for a beat down. After a while, he grinned and nodded. Oh thank god. I let out a sigh of relief and chuckled. “I want to keep it a surprise.”

I knocked on the bedroom door a few times and cleared my throat. “Hey Rose, it's me.”

I heard a sniffle. “Scotty?” The door opened, her eyes were bloodshot, probably from the crying and stress. She hugged me and started crying again. “Oh, Scotty. I'm so sorry. I almost hurt Blade.”

I nuzzled her neck and stroked her back reassuringly. “Shh... it's okay, Rose. No one was hurt and no one is mad with you.”

I heard Landscape clear his throat. “I think I'll give you two a moment.”

I turned my neck to look at him. “I've got a bag of bits, dinner's on me tonight.” I looked back to Rose and stroked her mane. “Does Monterrey's do take out?” She smiled and nodded. I looked back to Landscape. “Monterrey's. Surprise us.” He nodded and walked away.

We laid on the sofa, she laid on top of me facing up and I had my forelegs wrapped around her. “How was your trip to Ponyville?”

I gave her a peck on the neck. “It was nice. The town kinda reminds me of the town I lived in before I came here.” I stifled a laugh as I remembered the Crusaders. “There were three little fillies. They called themselves the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders'. They asked if I wanted to join.”

Rose giggled. “Cutie Mark Crusaders. I don't suppose they wore red and gold capes with a pony emblem on the side.” I nodded. “I've seen that before, in Manehattan, I think. They were led by an almost golden orange earth pony.”

I chuckled. “Do you remember Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash from when we went to the Crystal Empire?” She nodded excitedly. “Their sisters formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders in Ponyville. Apple Bloom's cousin leads the Manehattan chapter and Rarity's sister insisted that Rarity made a cape for me.”

Rose tittered and looked back to me with a grin. “Did she?” I nodded. “No way.”

I pointed a hoof to my bag. “It's in there, check it out.” She levitated the bag towards us, set it on her stomach and opened every pouch looking for it. She found it neatly folded in the center pouch and she levitated it out. “Oh, Scotty. That's pretty cool. I take it you're an official member.”

I laughed. “You are laying on the leader of the Canterlot chapter.”

She wiggled, trying to dig herself deeper into me. “So what does a Crusader do?”

I shook my head. “Oh god... don't get me started on that. Bless their little hearts for trying, but they go about it all wrong. Their definition of 'crusading' pretty much involves doing doing pretty much everything else to earn their cutie marks instead of exploring what they're into. Apple Bloom, the earth pony, has a thing for chemistry.”

Rose gave me a confused look. “Chemistry?”

I shrugged. “I think you might know it as alchemy.” She nodded. “Anyway, she and her friends told me stories of her alchemical exploits. First being a love poison which they thought was a love potion, which they gave to Apple Bloom's brother and teacher. They broke the hold the poison had the two on their own.”

Rose's mouth dropped. “What? They didn't get help from the princesses?” I shook my head. “They may sound reckless, but they are quite responsible for their young age.”

I nodded in agreement. “Next up was a potion Apple Bloom concocted to help get her a cutie mark. Turned out she caught a case of the cutie pox.”

Rose roared in laughter. “That's hilarious! Be careful what you wish for, right? What else happened while you were there?”

I took a moment to think. “Well, one night a unicorn put on a pyrotechnic show.” The confusion returned. “She used magic to conjure fireworks. I love fireworks.”

She squirmed a bit and whimpered. “I don't know why, but they scare me.”

I stroked her mane more tenderly out of a growing sense of concern. “Want to tell me about this house arrest you voluntarily put yourself under? How long are you stuck here for?”

She let out a quiet whimper. “It's only for another week. To be honest...” she looked up to me with misty eyes. “It felt like an eternity without you. I don't want to see anything happen to you. Tell me a little more about Ponyville.”

I nodded. “Well, Rainbow Dash gave me a... crash course on flying, so I'm more dextrous with my wings.” I demonstrated by wrapping both wings around her.

She closed her eyes and moaned. “I can get used to this. I forgot how comfortable pegasus down was. My mother was a pegasus and she used to wrap me up exactly like this when I was a filly.”

We heard the door open and close. “Pizza's here!” Landscape shouted. I helped Rose off of the couch and we walked to the table in her nook where Landscape set the pizzas down. He opened the top box and the area was immediately filled with the aroma of fresh, delicious pizza. “Two extra large veggie supremes with four varieties of cheese. I'll get some plates.”

Rose and I took our seats as Landscaped walked toward the kitchen. I laid my right hoof on hers and smiled. “Don't worry, Rose. I promise I won't leave you. I also promise that nothing will happen to me as long as Crimson Blade is my partner, I trust him with my life.”

Rose smiled and nodded. “I'm glad to hear that. If you trust him that much, then so do I. I promise not to meddle with the two of you anymore.”

I smiled and shook my head, stifling a laugh. “I won't hold you to that.” We turned our heads to see that Landscape had returned with some plates. Alright, pizza time.

After dinner, the three of us gathered by the fireplace. I laid next to Rose and we laid across from Landscape, who shared stories of his time serving. He was in charge of trenches dug for one purpose or another: irrigation; traps; shelter. He was also Rose's former boyfriend's superior.

Apparently the spat with the griffons didn't last long, maybe seven months, about as long as the Gulf War. It was within the final days when power shifted to a more noble griffon. A griffoness, actually. A peace treaty was written and signed by both parties.

How the griffoness came to power wasn't too surprising. Apparently she had an agent infiltrate her predecessor's ranks and it took many years for the griffon to get close enough to be able to kill him without drawing suspicion. Now that was dedication.

Landscape pointed at me. “Think you could tell me something that my little filly hasn't?”

I held a hoof on my chin and thought about that question for a moment. “Well, I fell off an eight foot tall slide when I was a kid. I had the wind knocked out of me when I landed on my back and I've been afraid of heights since.” Landscape stifled a laugh. “I know, pretty ironic that I'm a pegasus.”

He nodded. “What about your family back home? Do they miss you?”

That was probably the dumbest question I ever heard. “I imagine so. I also imagine that the only ones who care are my parents, my brother and his wife.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “What about extended family? Cousins? Uncles? Aunts?”

I shook my head. “They wouldn't give a damn about me even if they were paid to. My immediate family is considered the black sheep and my dad the weakest link.”

Landscape shook his head. “That's a terrible thing to say about family. I'm sure they miss you just as much as your parents do.”

I shrugged. “You might be right, but I doubt it.”

Rose nuzzled my neck. “You need to put more faith into your family.”

Landscape nodded in agreement. “What are your people like?”

I groaned. “There are many bad apples in my species, but there have been a lot of good people throughout our history. We're capable of many things ranging from progressive things such as discovering medicine, telecommunications and space flight to destructive things such as splitting the atom.”

Landscape rubbed the back of his head. “What's an... 'atom'?”

I smiled. “The atom is the building block for everything; you, me, Rose...” I waved around. “Everything in this apartment and beyond. There is a lot of potential energy in an atom, and when that energy is released, you can say good bye to a lot of land.”

Rose swallowed. “H-how much land are we talking?”

I rolled my eyes up. “Well, it depends on the fuel and how much is used. An atom bomb the size of a saddlebag with the right compound could take out half of Ponyville.” Their ears drooped and their eyes widened. “Yeah, and we used two much bigger bombs about seventy years ago. Thankfully they weren't employed much afterward.”

Landscape's teeth chattered. “W-what about lasting damage?”

I really didn't want to go any further into this discussion. “It depends on the radioactive isotope used. The damage could range from a few years to a few billion years.”

Rose started coughing and I patted her on the back. “Billion?” I nodded. “That's horrible.”

I sighed. “Tell me about it. If one survived the blast, then you've got radiation poisoning to deal with, and that is a horrific way to die.” I could tell that they were starting to get sick. So was I. “Why don't we talk about something else?”

Landscape shuddered. “Please.”

I shifted my body to be closer to Rose. “So. Hearth's Warming Eve. Anyone got any plans?”

Author's Note

Not exactly 2500 words like I wanted. I have a bit of a cold and this was the best I could do. Just two chapters left.

Chater IX

Tonight was the night of the Hearth's Warming Eve party at Canterlot Castle. Twilight and Cadance were supposed to drop by at the party and I hoped they would show up. It looked so much like Christmas outside it wasn't funny. If it was Christmas Eve back home, my parents and I would be spending a few hours at a friend's house.

My parents... I hope nothing happened to them while I've been away. Knowing my mother, she probably worried herself to death over me and the computers are fried. Knowing my father, he didn't know how to pay the bills that my mom didn't already have on auto-pay, which really wasn't much, just property tax... nothing big.

So there I was, putting on a suit for the party while knowing nothing about what was happening on Earth. Rose was helping me put the finishing touches on my tux. I wore a white tux in contrast to my black coat. It came with a black bow-tie and silver cufflinks. As I looked myself over in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty damn good.

Rose was already in her dress, and for a dress that had a low price tag, it was real nice. It was a tube dress, black in color with matching slippers. She also wore a gold necklace with a jade hanging in the middle. It was an heirloom passed by her mother and she hadn't worn it since she last saw the stallion who came before me.

“You should wear this more often.” She said as she finished adjusting my tuxedo. “Come on, we don't want to be late for the party.”

I nodded and followed her by her side. “I'm glad your father likes me and I'm glad to have a mare like you.”

She giggled and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “And I'm glad to have a stallion like you.”

I kissed her back and chuckled inwardly. Life was not as good to me as it had been for these past six months. I really wanted to ask her right now, but I should wait until I get the ring back from Celestia.

We headed to the living room. Landscape was waiting for us at the door, dressed up in a spiffy tux of his own. “I think we're ready.”

Landscape chuckled. “Good. I was thinking you two were doing the pony-pokey.”

My brain froze for a moment, then I looked to Rose and she was blushing furiously as she looked back at me. “Let's get a move on.” She only nodded in agreement and cantered off.

Rose, Landscape and I stood in front of Celestia and we bowed. “Good evening, Your Majesty.” I said respectfully. “I trust the party is going well?”

She chuckled. “About as well as you can imagine. Forgive me Scott, I wish we could spend more time together, but I do have a lot of guests to greet.”

I nodded understandingly. “Of course.”

Luna emerged from the throne room and stood beside her sister. “Misters Bloom and Landscape, Lady Rose. It is always wonderful to see you all.” She gave her sister a smile. “Take a break and mingle, sister, I shall greet the next guests.”

Celestia returned the smile. “Thank you, Luna.” She waved toward the throne room. “Shall we?”

Rose and I entered the hallway leading to the throne room followed by Celestia who quickly walked beside me. “Twilight tells me you had some fun in Ponyville while you were there.”

I nodded in agreement. “Oh definitely. It was nice to get away from Canterlot for a while...” I looked toward Rose, whose head hung a little low. “I wish you could've been with me, Rose. I did miss having you around.”

Rose smiled at me and nodded. “I wish I could've been there too.”

Celestia giggled. “You two are so good together. I must admit, I'm a little jealous.”

The first pony we ran into was Prince Blueblood. Naturally. However, in the presence of Celestia, he decided to remain civil.

He gave her a courtesy bow. “It's an honor to have you in here, Auntie.”

'Auntie'? I never really considered him to be related to Celestia. I theorized that both her and Luna were celibate, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. A lot of my own headcanon had been thrown away during my visit.

He stood up, looked at me and gave me a quick glare before returning his focus to Celestia. “Auntie, if you could, there are a few representatives from FAMARP who request your presence.”

My ears perked. “FAMARP? Isn't that the Foal and Mare Abuse Recovery Program?” Blueblood nodded. “Do they have an office in Canterlot?” Again, he nodded. “Great. I think I'll make a donation tomorrow.”

Celestia gave me an excited smile. “That's kind of you, Scott. Now if you'll excuse me...”

Celestia followed Blueblood to the FAMARP reps and he gave me a rather curious glance. I looked to Rose with a smile. “What do you think? About fifty bits a month?”

She gave me a slow, thoughtful nod. “That sounds reasonable. I think you impressed Blueblood.”

I chuckled as we made our way through the throne room. We spoke to many of our friends in Canterlot; Twilight and her friends from Ponyville and Princess Cadance and Shining Armor. I shouldn't be surprised to see all of them, but there they were.

Cadance gave me a quick hug and kissed my cheek. “It's good to see you again, Scott. We're starting to miss you in the Crystal Empire.”

Shining Armor nodded in agreement. “The ponies there are curious about other songs from your world.” He chuckled as he thought about his statement. “To be honest, I am too.”

I let out a thoughtful hum. “Well, if there's a way that I can go back to Earth, I'll see what I can do about bringing more music.”

“I've been thinking about that, Scotty.” Twilight said as she approached us. “I found a spell that can teleport ponies, or people in your case, to other worlds. It's a pretty powerful spell and requires alicorn magic to cast.”

We were all taken aback. “Really?” I asked. I knew it was possible using chaotic magic, I should not have been surprised that it can be done using regular magic.

I was more surprised to see that the Crusaders were here too as they galloped up to me. “Scotty!” They greeted as they tackled me.

“Have you found anypony to join the crusade?” Scootaloo asked as she gave me a noogie.

I shook my head as the fillies climbed off of me and I stood up. “Sorry, I've been kinda busy lately.” I glanced around and saw Celestia was at her throne. I think it was time. “Excuse me for a moment.” I looked to Rose and smiled. “Rose... I have something to ask you.” I motioned toward a table and we walked side-by-side to it. She looked pretty anxious as I looked behind her. Celestia and I made eye contact and I nodded. She returned the nod and levitated my gift from behind her throne. It floated towards us and gently landed on the table between us.

Rose's irises expanded as she eyed the ring from the top of the tree. “Scott? Is this...?”

I smiled as she lifted it with her magic. “Rose... will you marry me?”

All eyes were on us now as she looked at the ring, then gave me a smile like she was a foal who had just gotten everything she asked for and then some. With her magic, she slid the ring onto her horn, laughed and gave me a squeezing hug. “Yes! I will!”

All around us, ponies were cheering. This was an emotionally powerful moment for me, but all I could do was laugh inside. I pulled her back and grinned at her. “This has been the best year of my life, Rose.” I looked to the side and saw Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Twilight. All four princesses were smiling, Luna was busy wiping tears from her eyes. I walked up to Twilight, my smile not faltering. “Would it be possible to send me home? I want to tell my parents this in person.”

Twilight nodded in excitement. “Of course.” She looked to her fellow princesses. “Celestia, Luna, Cadance, if you would take your places.”

The four princesses circled around me. Their horns flared up one by one. The golden glow of Celestia's was the first, followed by Luna's midnight blue, Cadance's cotton candy pink and Twilight's lavender. I looked to the side and saw Rose. She was reading the letter I received from my parents, the one I never read myself, then gave me a sorrowful gaze as if she wasn't going to see me again. Her father stood next to her, holding her back. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This was the moment of truth.

“Stop!”

Ka-pow!

The four magic beams struck me and the next thing I heard was the steady beeping of a heart monitor.

“He's coming around!”

I slowly opened my eyes. My vision was blurry and I felt light-headed, but I could tell I was in a hospital. I felt fingers... I was human again. I looked around and saw human doctors doing their best to keep me stable. One looked to another and told her to fetch my parents.

“What's your name?” Scott Bloom. “Do you know your parents' names?” Larry and Penny. “Do you know what year it is?” 2014? “Good. Do you know where you are?” A hospital? “Northstar hospital in Iron River. You were in a coma for the last two months.”

What?!

Author's Note

I apologize for the delay as well as how brief this chapter was. I decided on two more chapters to wrap this up,

Thanks, everybody!

Chapter X

A week had passed since I woke up. I still couldn't believe I was in a coma. I laid in my hospital bed, trying to wrap my head around all of it. I was told that a vehicle hit me from behind and that I was lucky to have survived. My parents sat across from me with worried looks on their faces.

“The doctors said you were dreaming. What were you dreaming about?” My mom asked as she took a sip of the hospital coffee.

I shrugged. What could I tell them? “A different life. One that wasn't here.” I started as I took a sip from my water cup. “I was there for about six months, working at a castle, fell in love with a gardener and just popped the question to her. And now there's no going back to it.”

My mom laid a comforting hand on mine. “Oh, Scotty... I'm sorry.” I simply shrugged. It was just a dream, but it's the thought that counted.

Two months had passed and I was still in the hospital. My body still hurt like hell, but I was starting to walk around again, with a little help from a walker. Hospital food was considered stereotypically awful, but the food at this one was fantastic. I guess it could be attributed to rural life.

I would think that the meat would taste just as good as it did prior to the coma, but it actually tasted awful, so I decided to change my diet a little bit, which surprised my parents a little. Could the coma have something to do with how my taste buds changed?

It was eleven o'clock at night, the end of my day. I switched off the light from my bed, and for the first time in my life, I wept. It was just a dream. It felt so real though. I should've realized something was up the moment Celestia spoke to me, in English, which felt like a lifetime ago. None of it was real, it was my just brain keeping itself active. I had to face reality, I was never going to see any of them again as they were figments of my imagination.

A few months had passed since I started walking again and I've been discharged from the hospital so it was back to the same boring routine: wake up; have breakfast; mess around with Unity and RPG Maker all day; have dinner; watch a little TV with the parents; mess around with Unity and RPG Maker some more; go to bed.

My parents were out to Walmart and I was home only because I didn't want to go to Walmart. I hated that place with a passion. Mostly because of the crowds, but I don't like the Walton family… something about rich people pissed me off. I walked down the stairs and saw a brief flash off to the side. A scroll had popped into existence on the island. “No way...” I walked to the island, set my drink down and unfurled the scroll, the enchanted stamp fell out and rolled on the island for a moment before settling. I felt my heart skip a beat and my breathing became shallow as I read my own letter to my parents. How is this possible?

The only way it would be possible is if I wasn't in a coma and that I was really there and this letter was undeniable proof that I was. There's the question of the coma. Maybe that part was true, but why didn't the person who hit me say that I appeared out of thin air like a light post in a parking lot? Maybe he, or she, didn't want to sound insane?

I turned my mom's laptop on, logged into my account and opened a word processor. If my theory is correct, I was sent back in time and it was me who wrote the letter and sent it off. The letter was probably for Rose and was probably a farewell letter. I cracked my fingers, rolled my neck and began typing.

Dearest Rose,

This might be hard to accept, but the princesses inadvertently sent me back in time while sending me home, most likely to the day I was pulled by Discord. I am unsure as to how it happened, but it did. I was told I had been hit by a vehicle and was in a coma for a couple of months.

At first I thought my time in Equestria was just part of the coma, but after reading the letter I sent from Ponyville, I now know otherwise. I've missed you terribly all these long months and there's nothing I want more than to go through with our wedding.

I don't know if the princesses have the capability to bring me back or if we should ask Discord to do it. Either way, I will be waiting to return to you.

Yours Truly,

Scott Bloom

I started printing the letter, stood up, grabbed an envelope. I walked into the living room and didn't wait long before the letter finished. I grabbed the paper, took it into the kitchen, grabbed a pen and set the paper on the island. I uncapped the pen and signed the letter before folding it up, inserting it into the envelope and sealed it.

I couldn't remember if it needed ink or not. I felt silly for trying it without ink, but I picked up the stamp and pressed it on the front of the envelope. Amazingly, it worked. “You've gotta be kidding me.” Twilight's seal magically appeared on the envelope and it was soon taken to Equestria. “That was convenient.” Now all I had to do was wait.

A month had passed since I sent the letter and it should be close to the Hearth's Warming Eve party in Canterlot. I had been more fidgety lately and my parents noticed. They asked what was wrong, but I told them that nothing was wrong. I couldn't tell them, they'd think I was crazy, but I hoped I could show them. After all, seeing is believing.

We were sitting in front of the TV, watching shows that were recorded the previous night. I may have been watching, but my mind was focused on Rose. There was no doubt in my mind that she read my letter, the letter I originally thought was sent from my parents. Time travel was a funny thing.

KNOCK- KNOCK- KNOCK- KNOCK!

Our ears perked as we looked toward the front door and the dog started barking her brains out. I paused the show and my dad and I gave each other a confused look. “Who the hell would be at our front door at eight at night?” He asked as he got out of the chair. I looked at the weather station that hung on the wall, it was a pleasant fifty-five outside, so whoever was out there wasn't too cold. He opened the door and he took a leap back. I never saw him do that before. “What the hell?!”

All of a sudden, a unicorn teleported into the house and the dog backed away from her, still barking. “Rose?”

Rose looked to me and smiled. “Scotty!” She galloped up to me and launched herself up to me in a crushing embrace. My parents were slack-jawed, unsure as what was happening. She stroked my cheek with a hoof and giggled. “I've never seen you with a full beard before. It looks good on you.”

“Uh... Scott? What is that?” My mom asked, pointing a finger at Rose.

I kissed her on the forehead and ran my fingers through her mane before I looked at my mom. “Mom, dad, I want you to meet Rose Petal, a unicorn. She was the one I talked to you about. Rose, these are my parents, Larry and Penny.”

Rose hopped off of me and onto the floor and walked up to my mom and extended her right foreleg. “Nice to meet you, Missus Bloom.” My mom hesitantly wrapped her fingers around her hoof.

I looked to my dad, he did not look happy. But then again, he never looked happy. “A word, Scott?”

I knew what this was about. I looked to Rose and smiled. “I'll be back in a bit.” I stood up and followed my dad into the kitchen and stopped by the table.

“She's not human.” My dad said. Of course she's not, Captain Obvious. “This is strange.”

I scoffed. “Tell me about it.”

He folded his arms, looked down to the floor and slowly shook his head before looking back at me. “What exactly happened?”

I took a moment to think about how I was going to explain this to him. “I suppose now that you've met her, I think it's safe to say that this won't make me sound crazy. I was sent back in time when they sent me back.”

If he had eyebrows, he'd be raising one. “How long were you there? Wherever there is.”

I let out a quiet chuckle. “I was in Equestria for almost six months. For the last month and a half, I had been turned into a pegasus.”

I could see him stifle a laugh, something he doesn't do often either. “You? A pegasus?”

I nodded. “I know. The irony was thick.” I let out an exasperated sigh. “Before you judge me, she makes me happy.”

He nodded in agreement. “I wasn't going to. If she makes you happy, that's all that matters.”

I smiled. My dad was more open-minded than I thought he would be, all things considered. “Thanks, dad.”

We reentered the living room and saw Rose on the floor, playing with the dog and talking to my mom. “You two having fun?”

My mom laughed. “She was telling me about the time the two of you went to...” she looked over to Rose, “what was it? The Crystal Empire?”

I nodded. “Yeah, and I sang 'Hooked on a Feeling' in front of a bunch of crystal ponies.” I shook my head. “That was a very interesting day.” I looked toward Rose and smiled. “Speaking of the Crystal Empire...”

Her ears perked. “Have you been thinking about the honeymoon?” I nodded. “You want to go there?”

I didn't sense any disappointment in her voice, but rather excitement. “We could go to Trottingham or another exotic city.” I teased.

She snorted and raised a foreleg in annoyance. “What can be more exotic than the Crystal Empire?!”

I chuckled. “I was playing with you.” That calmed her right down. “How soon do you want to return?”

She grinned. “If you don't mind, I'd like to stay here a while and get to know your brother and sister in-law.”

Oh crap. I totally forgot about that. They were going to be here tomorrow. I glanced back and forth between my parents. “Would you guys mind if I stayed while you picked them up?”

My mom nodded understandingly. “Of course. We'll tell them you were taking care of Babe, then once we get back, you can introduce them to your babe.”

I looked to Rose and let out a nervous chuckle. “How soon can we get outta here?”

She gave me a gentle push and smiled. “Oh you. I want to see what your world has to offer.” She walked toward the TV and pointed at it. “Would you mind if I sat with you and watch this from the beginning?”

My parents shook their heads. “Not at all. We didn't get far into this one.” My dad said as he sat back into the chair. Babe took her spot right next to him.

Rose and I walked to the sofa. “Why don't you sit on the sofa and I'll sit on the floor in front of you.” I suggested. She opened her mouth, but I raised a hand. “I insist.”

She hopped up on the sofa and I sat on the floor in front of her. “What are we watching?” She asked as she wrapped her forelegs around me.

I grabbed the remote and started the show from the beginning. “It's called 'Dark Matter'.” I filled her in on it as much as possible without spoiling anything for her.

After watching the show, the four of us were playing with the dog. “How are we going to handle sleeping arrangements?” My dad asked.

My mom laughed and looked toward Rose and I. “I'm sure they'll be fine in his bed. I'm sure they've slept together before.”

Rose nodded. “We have, but it wasn't until after he turned into a pegasus, though. He's quite protective.”

My dad smiled. “I'm glad to hear that he's been doing well on his own. What have you been doing in your time there?”

I don't know why, but my body held her tighter against mine. Maybe I was that happy to see her, to know that my time there was real and not part of the coma. “Well, aside from tending the gardens, I also trained with the royal guard.” My dad gave an impressed and approving nod. “Mostly to let out all the anger I had pent up.”

Rose chuckled. “Didn't Crimson Blade beat the stuffing out of you the first time you sparred with him?”

I cleared my throat. “Moving on...”

It was time to go to bed. I shut my computer down, switched the light off and crawled into bed with Rose, draping one arm over her and sliding the other beneath her neck. “So… about going back to Equestria...”

She wiggled herself closer against me and sighed. “Discord agreed to bring us back, all we have to do is say his name three times and he'll pop right on over.”

I raised an eyebrow and thought about the method. I wonder where he got that idea. “What happened while I was away?”

Rose let out a quiet hum. “Not much.”

I pulled my attention back toward Scott after reading his letter and watched as the princesses' combined magic surrounded my fiance. “Stop!” I shouted, but it was too late. He was gone. The princesses collapsed in exhaustion and several guards rushed to their side, helping them back up.

My father took his forelegs off of me and stood in front of me. “Rose? What's wrong, honey?”

I showed him Scott's letter and he went pale. “Let's show this to the princesses.” I nodded in agreement, wiped my eyes and followed him.

Princess Twilight gave us a weak smile. “How'd we do?” I floated the letter to her and she took it with her magic. Her eyes widened as she read the letter out loud. Ponies gathered around to listen to her reading. After reading the letter, she looked to me, tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She limped toward me and gave me a gentle hug. “I am so sorry, Rose.”

Discord popped into the room and looked on us with curiosity. “I thought I sensed some chaos. What's going on?” Twilight floated the letter to him and he grabbed it with his lion paw. His eyes shrank. “Oh dear...” He around at the exhausted princesses. “You all tried sending him back on your own?” I gave him an affirming nod. “As contradictory as it sounds, the only thing powerful enough to accurately send him back home is chaotic magic.” He let out a surprised chuckle. “It's quite the feat that you were able to send him back at all.”

Twilight nodded in agreement. “Yes. Sending a letter was one thing, but a whole pony?”

I walked toward Discord and he knelt to my level. “I don't want to impose, but… I… I was wondering if-”

He smiled and nodded. “You want to go see him.” I nodded excitedly. The fact that he finished my question in that tone filled me with hope. “Of course, dear. Whenever you want to return, just say my name three times.”

Before Discord snapped his talons, Twilight raised a hoof. “Wait a minute!” Discord stopped and Twilight turned to me. “I don't know how the people of his world would react, I studied his physiology, so I'm going to teach you a modified version of the spell I used to mask his appearance at the Crystal Empire.”

Princess Twilight pressed her horn against mine and, in an instant, taught me the spell. She pulled her horn away and I bowed. “Thank you, princess. I'll make sure to put the spell to good use.” I made my way to Discord and bowed my head. “I'm ready to go.”

I looked around and saw teary-eyed ponies, then back to Discord. He snapped his talons, Equestria blinked out of existence and I found myself in front of a two story house.

She let out a relieved sigh. “You know the rest.”

I laughed quietly to myself as I gently squeezed her. “I'm glad that you decided to come here. I've been wanting to introduce you to my folks for a while.”

She let out a worried whimper. “What about your neighbors? What will they think?”

I grunted. “I don't know. We'll take it one day at a time. Let's go to sleep.”

The night passed faster than it normally did. I swear, I slept better with Rose at my side than I did without her and I didn't care how sappy that sounded.

Morning came and she was gone. I immediately thought the worst, but then I heard some laughter and some goodbyes downstairs. I rolled onto my back and let out a sigh of relief. I laid there for a moment, basking in thoughts about happened lately before getting out of bed and dressing up.

I walked down the stairs into the kitchen/dining area and saw Rose making breakfast. “Morning, Rose.” I greeted as I walked to my medicine. “You making an omelet?”

Using her magic, she uncovered the frying pan, flipped some eggs and covered it back up. “Yes, I am. four eggs, some hash browns and mixed vegetables. I'm going to top it off with some of that 'colby jack' shredded cheese.”

I squeezed by her as I opened the refrigerator door to grab a water bottle. “Sounds great.” I closed the door and put the bottle on the island and proceeded to take my medicine. “Milk or orange juice?”

She let out a quiet hum. “I think I'll have some orange juice. What's the plan for today?”

I reopened the refrigerator door and put my water bottle back in and pulled out the orange juice for her and milk for myself. “Well, if all goes well, my parents will be back by one-ish. You'll get to meet my brother and sister in-law then. Until then… I haven't really thought about it.”

I squeezed by her once more to grab a couple of glasses. She flipped over the omelet and covered it back up. “Could you grab a couple of plates? Breakfast is almost ready.”

After breakfast, Rose and I took the dog out back and played with her for a while. After she got tired, we went back inside and plopped in front of the TV. I put on Netflix and scrolled through my list. “What do you feel like watching?”

She let out a thoughtful hum and looked up at me. “Why don't you pick something? All this is still new to me, you know.”

I nodded. “Alright.” I started skimming through the library, I saw Stardust and I stopped. “We're watching this.”

Rose thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and after watching it, we decided to take Babe for a quick walk. I was quite hesitant about it, especially since she decided not to use the appearance-masking spell, but thankfully, everyone else on the block was out.

“It's very beautiful here, Scotty.” She observed. I agreed, it was very beautiful here. “It's beautiful, but it feels empty.”

I nodded in agreement. “I know. I miss the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. Ponyville's a close second.” She slowed to a stop and so did I. “Rose? Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. I've been meaning to ask you something. After we get married and have our honeymoon, would you want to move to Ponyville?”

Well, that would be another check mark on the Human in Equestria cliché list. But my time there hasn't entirely been the typical HiE story. “Sure. We'll need to figure out what to do for work.”

After walking the dog, we spent a couple of hours watching stuff on YouTube. I noticed that Babe was starting to get excited. That only meant that my parents were home, that meant that my brother and his wife were here. I wondered if my parents told them about Rose, or if they were waiting for me to tell them.

Rose and I stood at the island and Babe was waiting at the door, barking her brains out. This was it, my brother and sister in-law were following my mom up the stairs to the mud room. The door opened my mom smiled at me. “Hey! It's good to see you guys again.” My brother and sister in-law entered and I walked over to them and gave them both a hug.

My mom set her purse on the island and looked over to me. “Where's Rose?”

Before my brother and sister in-law said anything, Rose reared up and placed her forelegs on the island, scaring them. “Holy shit!” My brother shouted. “What the hell?!”

I walked back over to Rose. “Joe, Tiff, I'd like you to meet Rose Petal.”

Tiff's mouth opened. “What? Is that a unicorn? Get out!”

Rose nodded. “I am indeed a unicorn. I was surprised to learn that we're mythical creatures here, along with the pegasi.”

To say they were shocked was an understatement. “She can talk?” Tiff asked.

Joe blinked. “Pegasi? You mean-?”

I nodded. “Flying horses, yeah. And yeah… they can talk. Their society is a lot like ours, but quite different.”

Joe nodded. “No shit...”

Tiff nodded too. “So, who is she to you? Girlfriend?”

I stifled a laugh and shook my head. “My fiancee actually.” Joe and Tiff exchanged a worried look. “I know she's not human, but for a month and a half when I was in her world, I wasn't either. I was a pegasus.” Cue the repeated explanation.

My dad entered the house and Tiff walked up to me and gave me a hug. “I'm happy for you, Scotty. I'm glad you found someone to love you.” She broke the hug and glanced at the both of us. “When's the wedding?”

I looked at Rose and I shrugged. “We haven't decided on a specific date yet, but sometime after we return to Equestria.” I looked back to Joe and Tiff and my parents. “I'd love it if you guys could be there.”

Rose nodded in agreement. “Definitely. It would mean so much if you could.”

Joe and Tiff looked intrigued. “How hard would it be to get us there and back?” My brother asked.

I smiled. “Not hard at all.” I looked to Rose. “We know someone who could get you there and back in a flash. Don't we?”

It was the end of a very busy day. Busy talking, anyway. I told Joe and Tiff about me getting teleported to another world, how I met Rose and everything in between; my weekend at the Crystal Empire; Discord turning me into a pegasus, which, not surprisingly, they got a kick out of; the Hearth's Warming party in Canterlot and how I borrowed Joe's method of proposing, then the subsequent time travel.

We were all getting pretty tired, so we decided to call it a night. I was doing some final email and twitter checks while Rose made herself comfortable on my bed. “I still can't believe that it was all real.” I said aloud, getting my thoughts in the open. “I am so looking forward to going through with the wedding.”

Rose sat up on her haunches and smiled. “So am I. You still want to have it in Canterlot, right?”

I nodded. “Of course. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be married at.”

A look of relief briefly swept across her face. “Umm… about your… 'Independence Day'?”

I took a sharp breath. “Right… I forgot that you don't like fireworks.”

She nodded. “And you guys have a bunch of them.”

I nodded understandingly. “Well… I could have either Joe or my dad do the fireworks and I can stay back and hold you.”

She smiled, closed her eyes and shook her head. “Okay. As long as you hold me the entire time.” She rubbed a hoof on her chin and looked at me curiously. “Why so many anyway?”

I shrugged. “Mostly because what we've got is illegal where Joe and Tiff live. It's gotten so bad out there that even sparklers are illegal.” Her irises shrank and her mouth opened slightly. “Other reason is because the vendor's deals are out of this world.”

I shut down my computer, switched off the light, crawled into bed and snuggled with Rose. “Others in the neighborhood will be shooting theirs off also, but I wouldn't worry about it too much, it's too wet right now for any fires to start.”

I could almost feel her roll her eyes. “That's very assuring.” She said sarcastically. I laughed, kissed her on the head and gently squeezed her closer to me. “Good night, Scotty.”

Author's Note

Holy crap! It's been way too long since I updated this story. The next one will wrap up this story, then I'll move on to something else.

Also, sorry about all the horizontal lines. :fluttershyouch:

Chapter XI

Joe and Tiff had to leave earlier than expected. The drugstore refused to fill out her prescription due to state laws, and not having this medicine could have killed her. That's another nail on our nation's healthcare coffin. Before they left, Rose and I assured them that we'd come back for them and our parents once Rose and I had the wedding all planned out.

Before we left, I loaded up my eight gigabyte MP3 player with various tunes. Rose had a field day with the Pandora and Shoutcast services, not to mention SiriusXM while we went out.

I managed to convince my dad to take us to the grocery store so Rose and I can figure out what kinds of drinks to get for our friends in Equestria. She became a master with the masking spell while she was here, so it was easy for her to blend in. It wasn't cheap, but we got some good stuff to take with us. I assumed Twilight and Rarity weren't big on hard liquor, so we got them bottles of red and white wines respectively; whiskey for Applejack; cake flavored vodka for Pinkie; crème de banana for Fluttershy, as it had a low alcohol content; and some spiced rum for Rainbow Dash.

With the liquor paid for, we went back home and we packed it all into a couple of paper bags with a bunch of plastic bags to prevent any damage done to the bottles.

With the last bottle in the bag, I looked to Rose with a smile on my face. “So. Are you ready to head out?” She nodded excitedly and I cleared my throat. “Discord, Discord, Discord!”

The draconequus appeared in a blinding light and laughed. “Did somebody call?”

“Discord.” I said, smiling as I walked up to him.

As I stood in front of him, he gave me a crushing hug. “It's certainly good to see you're alright. I'll never let those amateurs send you back again.”

With a grunt, I turned my head to face my parents. “Mom… dad… this is Discord.”

He let me go and turned to them. “So you're his parents.” With a flash, he teleported behind them and gave them a hug too. “You certainly raised a fine young man.”

My dad groaned. “Thanks.”

Discord teleported back next to me and leaned in next to my ear. “My my… you're dad's certainly the baldy, isn't he.” He whispered. “Balder than Cranky Doodle.” I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

I cleared my throat and picked up the liquor bags. “Alrighty… we're off to Canterlot. I'll come back after Rose and I get settled back in.”

My mom walked to me and gave me a hug. “You be careful.” She turned to face my dad. “Could you get his pills?”

I laughed as I raised a hand. “No, I'll be fine without them. The unicorn doctors there know a thing or two about seizures.”

My dad nodded understandingly. “Okay then. I guess we'll see you later.”

Discord snapped his fingers, and in a flash, we left Earth.

Rose, Discord and I blinked into Canterlot castle, in the very same room I was in when I went back to Earth. The only difference between then and now is it was pretty much empty. One of the maids panicked and took off. She must have been new.

I shrugged the bags and chuckled. “Let's get these to Twilight and her friends.”

Out of curiosity, Discord peered over my shoulder at the bags. “What's inside? And nothing for me?”

“It's alcohol from my world.” I said, shrugging again and started walking. “I'm not sure if there's enough of it in existence to get you drunk. Besides, I don't think they'd mind sharing.”

Discord nodded as he floated next to me. “Fair enough. I've been thinking about giving your pony appearance a revision. That look was awful, even by my standards.”

I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? What were you thinking?”

He tapped a claw on his chin. “Well, first off, I did hear that you were afraid of heights, so no pegasus this time.”

I scoffed. “Nah, being a pegasus was fine. Thanks to being one, I got over my acrophobia.”

Discord nodded. “I'm glad to hear that. I was thinking of giving you a coat color from the cool side of the spectrum.”

I heard Rose laugh. “Well, black was about as cool as you can get and he was still pretty conspicuous.”

“Yes...” Discord deadpanned. “I'll definitely keep your natural eye color. I'll have to ponder the coat color.” He spun and floated in front of us. “Well, I promise I won't take too long. In the meantime, I'll have Twilight round up her friends and come here for their gifts. Ta!”

Shortly after Discord disappeared, Celestia rounded a corner. She saw me, smiled and galloped up to me. “Scott! Rose! I'm glad to see you've returned safely. I can't imagine what you've gone through.”

I groaned. “Yeah… spending about six months thinking being in another world was part of a coma, then finding out you were in another world can really mess with your psyche.” I chuckled. “But I'm back and nothing else matters.”

She smiled and nodded. “I'm sure you'd like to get settled back in. Your room is still available if you want it.”

I was taken aback. I have not been in that room for… oh screw it. “Thanks, Celestia. If Twilight shows up, send her that way.”

She nodded, acknowledging the request. “I'll spread the word among the guards. Welcome back, Scott.”

Within a couple of hours, someone started knocking on the door. “Come in!” I yelled. The door opened and Twilight and her friends filed into the room. They weren't alone, either. The Crusaders bounded in the room also. Spike was the last to enter.

“Now girls, while you're inside the castle, I insist that you behave yourselves.” Rarity said.

The girls looked at me and were freaked out. Sweetie Belle poked at her sister. “R...Rarity? Who's that?” She asked with a hint of fear in her voice.

Twilight giggled. “I forgot you never saw him in his original form. This is Scott Bloom.”

Pinkie bounced toward me and gave me a Pinkie Pie hug. “Welcome back, Scotty.” She looked toward the bag behind me. “Ooh! Are our gifts in there?!”

I nodded and moved the bag closer to me. “Yes they are.” The first bottle I pulled out was the cake vodka. “This is for you, Pinkie.”

Pinkie's eyes widened in excitement and, being true to herself, she used the front part of her mane to open the bottle. She sniffed the contents and giggled. “Wowsers! It does smell like cake!”

I chuckled as I pulled out another bottle. It was the red wine. “This is for you, Twilight.”

She took the bottle with her magic and floated it closer to her. “Thanks, Scott. You didn't have to do this. It must've been expensive.”

I shrugged as I pulled out the white wine. “Kinda. I didn't get too crazy. The wines were pretty cheap. This one's for you, Rarity.”

The fashionista took her gift and examined it. “White wine. I must say it looks nice, but...” She opened the bottle with her magic and smelled it. “It certainly smells good, too.” She looked to Spike. “Oh Spikey, would you be a dear and bring us some glasses from the kitchen?” She requested, re-corking the bottle.

Spike saluted the white unicorn. “Yes, ma'am!” He said before leaving the room.

I laughed. Poor Spike. I reached into the other bag and pulled out another bottle. It was the crème de banana. “Fluttershy?” I heard a quiet squeak. “Don't worry, this is some weak stuff.”

Twilight took the bottle with her magic and floated it to the timid pegasus. Fluttershy looked at me and blushed. “Sorry… and thank you.”

I nodded. “You're welcome.” I said before reaching for another bottle. It was the spiced rum. “Yo, Dash!” She flew up to me. “This is yours.” She took the bottle and squeed before taking off. “You're welcome.” I whispered to myself. “And finally, Applejack.” I reached into the bag and pulled out the last bottle. “A bottle of fine whiskey.”

Spike returned with a tray loaded with several glasses and set it on the dresser. I stood up and walked toward it. “Thanks, Spike. I'll take care of it from here.” I reached the dresser and a thought occurred to me as I looked toward Twilight. “I don't suppose you can conjure ice.” She nodded. Her horn lit up and a bucket of ice cubes appeared next to the glasses. Nice. “Okay. Who's first?”

I suppose the only two who didn't get drunk were Rarity and Twilight. I tell you, Fluttershy is a lightweight and a drunk Fluttershy was a boisterous Fluttershy. After two glasses of the crème de banana, she decided to try a glass of Applejack's whiskey. She also went on a drunken tirade over Angel and how abusive he was to her.

Pinkie Pie had her entire bottle down in about twenty minutes. I was surprised it took her that long considering this is Pinkie Pie we're dealing with. A drunk Pinkie Pie is… a more unhinged Pinkie Pie.

As for Applejack and Rainbow Dash… they seemed to hold their liquor quite well. The Apple family must produce hard cider. Dash must have a fast metabolism.

I decided to sneak out of the room while the girls were dealing with their drunkenness. Spike and the Crusaders decided to tag along. Once they recognized my voice, they relaxed around me.

Apple Bloom let out a quiet, thoughtful hum. “So let me get this straight… you've been in Equestria for half a year; ya met Rose Petal while working here; Discord turned ya into a pegasus; the princesses sent ya home, but back in time and you were gone for two weeks?”

I nodded. “Time travel is a funny thing.”

Scootaloo picked up the pace and walked beside me. “So, why are we sneaking around the castle? Think we'll get our cutie marks in castle sneaking?”

I looked down to the nearly flightful pegasus with a raised eyebrow. I was going to say something, but Sweetie Belle interrupted. “We're not sneaking around, not with all the guards patrolling the halls.”

Speaking of which, one of the guards passed us, nodding at us as we passed him. “No, Scootaloo, no sneaking, unless the thought of being a cat burglar is exciting.”

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow of her own. “Why would somepony want to burgle cats?”

I heard an annoyed sigh come from Spike. “A cat burglar is a thief, and it has nothing to do with stealing cats.”

A smile spread across my face when I saw Luna, who was smiling as well. “Did I hear something about stealing?” She said, looking at the fillies. “If you little fillies could break into my sister's room, take her crown, replace it with a slice of cake from the kitchen and bring me the crown without getting caught, I shall reward you.”

Oh god… this was too good. The Crusaders' eyes lit up and they jumped in place. “Cutie Mark Crusaders cat burglars! Yay!” The trio yelled before running off.

I facepalmed and groaned, stifling my laughter. “Did you have to do that?”

Spike groaned in annoyance as well and turned around. “I'm heading back to the room. Hopefully things calmed down in there.”

I looked to Spike as he walked away. “Good idea. Tell Rose I'll be back in a moment.” He waved a claw. Luna gave me an expectant look. “What?”

She shrugged. “Oh nothing. I'm curious as to your wedding plans.”

Luna started walking beside me as I headed back to my room. “Nothing's come up yet. I was thinking about asking Twilight and her friends to help out.”

Luna nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. Another matter I'd like to ask about is your donation to FAMARP. Do you still want to donate the fifty bits every month?” I nodded in affirmation. “Thank you. Not even Blueblood donated that much that frequently. He'd donate twenty-five bits every quarter. It wasn't until you said you wanted to donate fifty when he decided to donate more. Now he's donating one hundred per month.”

I chuckled quietly. “Sounds like he wants to impress someone.”

Luna grunted. “Indeed.” She deadpanned. “But he's not. The organization appreciates his increased donation, but they are not impressed. You, however...”

I tilted my head slightly. “That's good to know. I haven't seen Crim lately. Is he alright?”

Luna nodded. “He will be. He caught the feather flu while you were gone.”

I bobbed my head, thinking about whether or not to pay him a visit. “Is he in the castle?” Luna nodded. “Alright. I'll have to check up on him.”

I went back to my room and, much to my surprise, everyone was still there. The floor was littered with ponies, except for Rarity and Twilight. Spike was at his normal spot at Twilight's side. “Sorry about that. Did I miss anything?”

Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “Other than a wild orgy, nothing.” I turned my head and raised an eyebrow. “I'm kidding, darling.” She let out a grunt as she pointed a hoof to AJ and the others on the floor. “As you can tell, our friends passed out.”

Twilight gave a nervous chuckle as she looked at me. “Sorry about that.” She looked back to Rarity and stood up. “What do you think? Should we take them to their rooms?”

Rarity stood up and nodded in agreement. “Yes. Let's give the two lovebirds some privacy.”

Twilight and Rarity used their magic to lift their unconscious friends and slowly floated them out of the room. Twilight cantered behind them with Spike and Rarity behind her. “See you in the morning, girls.” Rarity nodded and left the room. I closed the door and made my way to my bed, smiling at my fiance the whole way.

She returned the smile and we hugged. “So… where were you this whole time?”

We let go and I took a deep breath. “I kinda wanted to stretch my legs. It's been a while since I walked around the castle. I ran into Luna. She asked if we made any plans for the wedding.”

She nodded. “What about the fillies who went with you?”

Oh boy. “Yeah… Luna's not a very good role model. She said she'd give them something if they replaced Celestia's crown with a slice of cake from the kitchen and brought her the crown.” Rose giggled. “I know.” I crawled into bed and Rose and I held each other. “So… when do you want to get married?”

She smiled. “How about in two weeks?” That seemed a bit soon, but I was okay with that and I nodded. “Good. In two weeks, we'll be married in Canterlot and have our honeymoon in the Crystal Empire.”

I let out a quiet hum. “I'm looking forward to that.” After saying that, I wondered if Rose was a screamer.

She bopped me in the forehead with her free hoof. “Get your mind out of the gutter. There'll be plenty of time for that later.”

Two weeks passed. Twilight organized the reception; Rainbow Dash brought in the Wonderbolts for a show; Applejack and Pinkie were in charge of catering and Rarity was in charge of the wedding clothes. I had Discord bring my parents, my brother and sister in-law to Canterlot and were they impressed.

It was almost time. My groomsmen: Crimson Blade, Shining Armor and Big Macintosh and I were waiting for our cue in one of the side rooms with Rose and her bridesmaids: Honeydew, Princess Cadance and Cheerilee were in the other room. I smiled at each of my boys. “Thanks guys. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.” They each smiled and gave me a silent nod. The door opened and a servant poked his head in and nodded. “Okay, that's our cue. Everyone remember their positions?”

The three nodded. I was, of course, the lead, followed by Crimson, Shining Armor and Mac. We walked single file as we practiced a week ago. Celestia stood tall and proud at the top of the altar. My family sat in the front row looking back. Their faces were covered in smiles and tears.

Celestia cleared her throat. “Mares and gentlecolts, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to celebrate the union of Scott Charles Bloom and Rose Petal. Despite their initial reluctance, they have quickly learned that love knows no species, human, or pony.”

She continued for a few more minutes until it was time for the vows. I cleared my throat and knelt beside Rose. “I forgot to prepare a wedding vow, forgive me.” She giggled. “Rose, I will be there for you no matter what.”

She nodded. “I too will be there for you.”

Celestia's wings spread open to their widest. “If anyone protests this union, may they speak now or forever hold their piece. From this moment on, I declare Scott Bloom and Rose Petal husband and wife!”

Rose leaped at me and planted her lips on mine and the audience erupted in cheers and applause. It was certainly a good time to be alive.

The reception was held at Joe's doughnut shop. Pinkie Pie promised a surprise for Rose and I and she delivered. My family was mingling with Rose's and I never seen my dad smile and laugh so much. Just about everyone was there hanging out with my parents while Rose and I were dancing. Fluttershy had taken a liking to my mother; Rarity to Tiff; Applejack to my father; and Rainbow Dash to my brother. Overall, everyone was getting along better than I expected.

In his usual flair, Discord popped into existence with his arms outstretched. “Okay! I've got the perfect appearance for you.” He snapped his fingers and I felt myself transform again.

I examined what I could and I was once again a pegasus. I also saw I had a light brown coat. Nice. He popped a mirror into existence next to him and I got a better look. I still had the blue eyes. I quickly noticed that I also had a tuft of white on my chest. My mane was a shade darker than my coat and was rounded.

Rarity smiled at me. “You look magnificent, darling!”

Discord chuckled as he floated in the air. “I've added a little something extra.”

I opened my mouth to ask him what it was, but he had already vanished.

Rose and I approached our families. My brother shook his head in disbelief before kneeling down and hugged me. “Dude, I am not going to get used to you looking like that. My gift to you might not be too useful since you've got wings.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What'd you get me?” He gave me his smirk as he slid the box next to him in front of me. It was about eight inches wide, thirty-two inches long and five inches tall. My eyes widened. “Is it a skateboard?” He didn't get a chance to answer as I tore the wrapping open.

I heard Rose chuckle and the box was wrapped in her magic aura. “Let me help you with that.” She said as she walked beside me. She lifted it with her magic and opened one of the sides. She pulled out the object and, indeed, it was a skateboard. “I think Scootaloo will be jealous of you, Scotty.”

I looked around. “Speaking of the little squirt… where is she?” I shrugged and walked up to my brother. “Thanks, man.” I said as I reared up and hugged him. “I'm sure it'll get some use.”

I noticed something odd: Princess Celestia was talking with the karaoke operator. I wonder what she requested? I'd find out soon enough as she cantered toward the microphone. The music started playing and within the first second I knew exactly what the song was. “Ah crap...”

Celestia requested “Angel of the Morning”.

Joe patted me on the back. “You alright, dude? You look like you're ready to pass out.”

I let out a nervous chuckle. “She knows exactly what buttons to push. She is such a brat.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Who? Rose?”

I shook my head. “No. Celestia.”

He laughed. “Well, considering her status, I'd say the song is perfect.”

I agreed. “Care to guess which one I picked for Luna?”

He shrugged. “Something to do with space?”

I grunted. “Hint number two: Sinatra.” He shrugged. Right. He couldn't pick out what movies songs were in. Or, hell, even titles of movies. “Fly Me to the Moon.”

He definitely got a laugh out of it though. “Nice.”

Once everyone had their fill of the reception, we all exited the bakery. A carriage had been brought to the front of the doughnut shop and the driver patiently waited for his next passengers.

Rarity gave my sister in-law a hug. “Darling, you must come back soon. You have got to come with me to Manehattan.”

Tiff laughed and nodded in agreement. “I'll have to take you up on that.”

My brother smiled at me. “When do you think you'll make me an uncle?”

Rose and I looked at each other. “What do you think? About a year's time?”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe a year and a half.”

My family looked a bit shocked. “The ponies have a gestation cycle of eleven months.” I explained. “So it'll take a while.”

Joe nodded slowly. “Wow. This isn't going to be easy to get used to.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Thanks for bringing us here.”

I opened up the carriage door and let Rose in. “No problem. Hey, Discord!”

Discord popped into view and looked disappointed. “Are we ready to leave so soon?” We all nodded. “Such a shame, I had such delightful plans for each of you. Should you decide to return, say my name three times.”

I climbed into the carriage and closed the door. “Don’t be strangers, you hear?” I said to my family.

Joe walked up and gave me one more hug. “No promises.”

My dad had a big grin on his face. “You two have fun.”

“But not too much fun!” My mom added.

Rose and I shrugged. “It’s a honeymoon. There’s no such as too much fun!”

Tiff giggled. “That’s right!”

I looked over to Discord, nodded, then looked back to my family. “I’ll see you guys later.”

With a snap of his talons, Discord sent my family back home. I looked to the pegasus and nodded. “Alright, we’re ready.”

He nodded and looked to his partner. “To the Crystal Empire!”

As we took off, I could hear Twilight and her friends cheering us on, with Pinkie being the loudest.

I couldn’t help but laugh. This has been a pretty surreal experience: I started off with nothing, not even thinking that almost seven months later, I’d get married. The thought of what I’d been through brought tears to my eyes.

Rose and I looked at each other and she gave me such a loving look. I couldn’t believe this actually happened. Me, married to a character from a cartoon.

This moment begged the question, a question that should never, ever be asked under any circumstance:

What could possibly go wrong?

Author's Note

And so it ends.
The conclusion to the first-person self-insert of questionable quality.
What will happen next?
Only time, with some hope for inspiration, will tell.

Thank you for making it this far. Feel free to leave a comment if you wish to.

Chapter V

When Cadance and Shining Armor approached us after the fair ended, she couldn't hold herself back and threw herself on me for a hug that took me to the ground. I remember the look he gave me as his wife was clutched to me, thanking me, nuzzling me. He was pissed, I'll give him that. How pissed he was, I don't even want to know. Thankfully, nothing bad happened between us, although if Cadance kept holding me, I would've gotten a stiffy and that would've pissed Rose off.

It's been a few days since the crystal fair, and maybe five minutes since the train stopped at Canterlot station. Everyone on the train knew I existed and it was about time the rest of Equestria did as well.

I was the first to leave the car. The door opened and at the front of the crowd were Celestia and Luna. The two walked up to me with warm smiles. “Welcome back, everypony. We assume everything went well.”

I nodded. “Better than I expected.”

Princesses Celestia and Luna walked to my side and turned to the crowd. “Everypony, allow me to introduce you to Scott Bloom.”

There were a lot of confused murmurs among the crowd. I didn't think anyone knew what to make of me. This creature was staying in the castle without them knowing I was there. I imagined any VIPs who saw me were even more shocked that they didn't run into me before.

I could imagine Blue Blood berating me simply because I wasn't a pony. And if he found out the help is in a relationship with said non-pony? He'd probably have a conniption fit. I'd pay to see that happen.

I took a bow and smiled. “I may not have actually toured Canterlot yet, but the castle's hospitality is spectacular, so I hope that we can get along.” God that was incredibly lame, but I couldn't think of anything better.

After my statement, Rose used her magic to take my hand. “Come on! I want to show you around.” I waved to three laughing princesses as she pulled me away.

The first place we stopped at was a small bakery. I looked up at a giant doughnut logo then to her. “I take it this is Joe's?” She smiled and nodded. She then trotted off, pulling me with her. I closed my eyes and started sobbing inside. All I wanted to do was relax, but I could understand why she wanted to give me a quick tour, I have been stuck inside Canterlot Castle for four months... I might as well just roll with it.

The next place we stopped at was what appeared to be an apartment building. I raised an eyebrow and looked at her in confusion. “Do you live here?” She nodded and walked to the building. Looks like I'll be seeing her place.

I followed her inside the building. Residential ceilings back home are usually about eight feet, but these were more like five and a half, just an inch shorter and my scalp would be grazing it. “Watch your head, Scotty.” No kidding. I followed her up a flight of stairs and any ponies that were outside looked at me and went in their apartment. “Don't worry about them, I'm sure they'll like you when they get to know you.”

We reached what I'm assuming is her apartment, apartment two-sixteen. Two-sixteen? Heh, I remembered a dream I had where I learned the code to disarming a bomb was that number. I Googled it later and came up with a lot of results, one of them got me to watch the movie Pi. That movie was weird as hell, but it was also interesting.

She opened up the door and beckoned me inside. “Come on in.” I nodded and followed her in. “Sorry about the mess, I've been so busy at the castle that I've been neglecting it.” I shrugged. It wasn't that bad, to be honest. My dad and I visited someone whose apartment was a lot more filthy. She trotted toward a good-sized sofa and cleared some stuff that was on it. “Have a seat, I'll get us some drinks.”

I nodded and took a seat while she trotted off into the kitchen. She had a very comfortable sofa and I wondered how comfortable it would be to lay on. I stretched out on it and let out a satisfied groan. Oh yeah, I could definitely sleep on this if she asked me to stay the night.

Not long after I stretched out, I heard a faint giggle. “Oh how adorable.” I looked back and here's Rose, carrying two... wine glasses? She walked up to the sofa and set the glasses down on the coffee table in front of it. “Don't move.” I didn't and she hopped up on my stomach. It was like having a fully grown Labrador jump on you. She giggled. “Sorry about that.” She kissed my forehead and smiled at me. “I guess I got a little carried away.” She looked back to the coffee table and floated the glasses toward us. “I ordered this from a Baltimare vineyard when we first met. It's not as good as their vintage wine, but it still leaves a wonderful taste on the palate.”

I wasn't big on wine, but I'll humor her. I took the glass and smelled the wine. It was quite sweet with an acidic hint to it. I finally took a swig of it and she was right, it did leave a wonderful taste. I'd imagine the grapes used to make this would make a seasoned wine tester cry in joy. “Rose... I haven't had much wine in the past, but this is by far the best I've had.”

She grinned. “I'm glad you enjoy it. What do you want to do for dinner? Do you want to go out or would you want me to bring something here?”

I stroked her mane and thought how nice it would be to go out for dinner. I suppose we should so ponies would get used to seeing me walking around their city. “Let's go out tonight.”

She giggled and kissed my forehead. “I was hoping you'd say that. I know a place that makes great pizza.”

I let out an intrigued hum and smiled. “I haven't had pizza in a while. What were you thinking?”

We finished our wine and she put the glasses on the coffee table. “They have a four cheese pizza that is to die for.”

I continued stroking her mane and let out a content sigh. “Sounds wonderful, but I'd like to get a little rest first.”

She lowered her head on my chest and quietly moaned. “As would I.”

I wasn't sure how long we sat there, but I snapped back to reality at the sound of some knocking on the door. She gently climbed off and gave me a peck on the forehead. “I'll go see who it is.”

Without warning, Discord popped in the apartment. He turned to Rose and quickly bowed. “Sorry, dear, but I couldn't help myself.” He popped from near the door to the sofa. “I figured it out, Scott.”

I raised a skeptic eyebrow. “Really now...”

He floated in the air and examined his talons. “I know; I know. I was supposed to get you home before the fair, but I had more important-”

I grabbed him by the neck, pulled him up to my face, glared and bared my teeth at him. “More important things?” He popped out of my grip and reappeared a couple of feet back. “What did I do to you to put me on the back burner? You had four months to send me back and you just...” I let out a frustrated groan. “You know what? Screw you.” I walked to the front door and looked to rose. “Let's get outta here, Rose.”

Discord snapped his talons, there was a 'poof' sound and I suddenly fell forward with a loud thump. I let out a groan and rubbed my neck with my... hoof? I brought my arms forward to look at them and my hands were replaced with hooves. I looked up and glared at a grinning Discord. To say Rose was shocked would be an understatement. I stood up and growled at him. “Discord...”

He laughed and twirled in the air. “I'm so sorry, Scott. I thought I was casting the teleportation spell, but apparently your outburst broke my concentration. Never mind that, you should be your old two-legged self again in no time.”

My glare hardened. “Define 'no time'.”

He stroked his chin a bit. “Maybe a day.” That was a relief. “Or a week. It could be a month or even a year.” A year? “I'm not entirely sure about it since I wasn't focusing on how long the effect would last. Ta!” He vanished.

Rose stroked my neck to try and comfort me. God damn it. Now I've been turned into a pony. I examined my new body and noticed I had wings, a black coat and tail and no cutie mark. I ran a hoof against my head, and to my relief, I didn't have a horn. “Oh, thank god.” At least I wasn't a winged unicorn and the only thing I haven't seen yet were... my eyes. Oh shit! “I need a mirror!”

Rose helped me to the bathroom where I looked myself over in the mirror. “No...” I had red eyes and a black mohawk mane. “Oh god! No!” There was no justice in the multiverse, I was now a black pegasus with red eyes. I fell back down, rested my face on my new legs and started sobbing. “I look like a monster!”

I felt a hoof rub my shoulder. I looked up, tears continued to run down my face and I saw Rose with a smile. “You don't look that bad, Scotty. Put on some sunglasses and nopony will freak out.”

I grumbled. “I'm still a freak.” She gave me a concerned frown. “How many ponies do you know with this color scheme?” Suddenly, she smirked. “What?”

She helped me up again and nuzzled me. “I know what you need.” She began pulling me out of the bathroom. “You need a drink.”

We made it to the pizzeria and were quickly seated at a booth. I was emotionally drained at this point and was nursing on a screwdriver. Rose sat beside me doing her best to comfort me, nuzzling me, stroking my mane, things like that. Ponies gave me concerned looks, but I ignored them.

I started coming back to reality when our server returned with a pizza. “Here's your four cheese pizza. Is there anything else I can get for you? Perhaps a refill on your drink sir?”

I shrugged and slid the glass over. “Make it a double.”

He smiled, nodded and floated the glass off of the table. “Of course. I'll be right back with that.”

After he left, there was another set of hoofsteps approaching. “May I join you?”

I looked up and saw Twilight. A faint smile graced my lips and I nodded. “Please.”

Rose continued her ministrations and glanced to Twilight. “Thanks for coming, Your Majesty. I'm not sure what to do.”

The server returned with my drink and saw Twilight. “Good afternoon, Princess Twilight Sparkle. What can I get for you?”

She gave a nervous chuckle and blushed a bit. “I heard of a drink called the 'Royal Masochist'. I want one.”

The server's eyes widened and his jaw went slack for a moment before writing it down. “Uh... yeah, sure. One 'Royal Masochist' coming right up.”

I perked up as he was leaving. “What's a... 'Royal Masochist'?”

She smiled sheepishly. “It's a special drink for alicorns. Our bodies are able to tolerate more alcohol than even minotaurs, and they're notorious for drinking ponies, griffons and other species under the table. The minotaurs have found a mixture of five of the strongest types of alcohol, poured it into a tall glass and served it to Celestia.”

I smiled. “How'd that turn out?”

She gave a smug smile. “Her and the minotaur who introduced it to her each had one and she still outdrank him.”

I let out a hearty laugh after her story. “Sounds like I could use one of those right now.”

Twilight shook her head. “I wouldn't try it, Scott. Even if you were human again, I doubt you could make it halfway through one. Big Macintosh was dared to have one and only after drinking a quarter of it, he passed out.”

I nodded understandingly. “Of course, but I'd still like to taste it.”

The server quickly returned to our table, floating what looked like a highball glass filled just an inch shy to the rim and alongside, he was floating a shot glass filled with another liquor. He set the glasses down and smiled. “Enjoy your drink, Your Majesty.” He bowed and went to another table.

With her magic, Twilight picked up the shot glass and looked at me. “Do you still want to try it?” I nodded. Hell yes, I do.

She hovered the shot glass over the highball and let it go. A small splash emanated from the concoction and she floated it toward me. Rose was looking at me the whole time, her eyes wide, lower jaw quivering. She was terrified. I sniffed the drink a few times, setting myself up for what I was in for. “Holy crap!” I turned my head to the side and cleared my throat. “That smells like gasoline!” The two mare giggled at my expense, but I pushed onward, turning my head back to the drink, rested me new hooves against the glass and put my new muzzle on it. I tilted back and let the demon drink flood my mouth. I took a couple of large gulps out of it and pulled back. I started choking and put my mouth against my foreleg, letting out the coughs. “Jesus Christ! Ponies drink that?” Not only did it smell like gasoline, but it tasted like it too.

Twilight pulled the glass back toward her and smiled. “Yep.” She examined how much I took and gasped. “Scott, are you okay?”

I nodded and stifled some coughs as Rose served each of us a slice of that wonderful pie. “I will be after I get some food in me.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated on opening my new wings and quickly learned that it was easier than I thought it was going to be, then I heard a slap and a quiet grunt. I opened my eyes and saw I smacked Rose with my right wing. I blushed and chuckled. “Sorry about that.” I closed my right wing, gave her an apologetic nuzzle, turned and used my left to pick up a fork.

Twilight giggled again. “I know what you're going through, Scotty. I think I told you about the day I became an alicorn.”

I nodded as I dug my fork into the pizza and pulled up a small piece and put it in my mouth. I chewed on it a bit and let the mixture of the cheeses, the sauce and the crust sit on my tongue to savor the taste before I swallowed. “Yeah, and the time you went through the crystal mirror.”

She waved a hoof and laughed. “Yeah. Speaking of which, I wonder how she's doing?” She took a chug of her drink and shrugged. I'm assuming she's referring to Sunset Shimmer. “I'll have to go back some day.”

I don't know if it was all the alcohol I consumed since being there, two rounds of screwdrivers and part of the Royal Masochist, or the company of the two mares, or both, but I started feeling better. Twilight took another swig of that foul beverage and a thought occurred to me. “Twilight? Would it be possible to send a letter across dimensions?” She raised a curious eyebrow. “I... I need to get in contact with my parents, let them know I'm alright.”

She closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “I'm not sure that I can...” she opened her eyes, looked at me and I saw a trace of a smile grace her lips, “but I'll try. Give me a week, then take a train to Ponyville.”

I looked toward Rose and she nodded. “I'm not your mother, go do what you need to do.”

I looked back to Twilight and nodded myself. “A week it is. Thanks, Twilight.”

Author's Note

If it's not one thing, it's another, am I right?