Chapters Impending Doom III: The Flip-Flopping Good Time
Ch. 1: The Day Dream Begins
Chapter 1: The Day Dream Begins
The nearly desolate, purple planet set aside for Irken conventions had a surface area of ten billion square miles. So, a person with common sense would question why the one convention hall on the entire planet was so small and cramped. To that common sense, the two lords known by everyone else as the "Tallest" simply shrugged their shoulders and went about holding their gatherings without a second thought. Today was no exception.
Operation: Impending Doom II was a complete success. Planets across multiple galaxies had been conquered and/or destroyed for the glory (and entertainment) of the Irken Empire. To celebrate, plans for The Third Impending Doom were already underway. Thirteen new Invaders that had come of age were going to be the key to conquering galaxies of the next level. These soldiers stood at attention while the rest of the crowd's little green men (and little green women) waved their antennae in anticipation.
Among these rookie Invaders is where we begin. Magenta eyes blinked against the head of the little girl, all set to destroy a planet's race and take prisoners if necessary. After watching the twelve Invaders ahead of her being assigned personal SIRs (Standard issue Information Retrieval units), she clenched her fists at her sides as her turn arrived.
However, the Tallest were holding off with a bit of whispering between the two of them.
"I thought you said there were only twelve this time around," Purple muttered.
"I specifically said that there were a dozen," Red harshly whispered back.
"But isn't a dozen twelve?"
"A baker's dozen."
Purple mouthed an elongated "oh". Both of them glanced awkwardly at the last rookie. She blinked a couple of times, still eager and ready. The Tallest resumed their whispering session.
"Though, now that I get a look at her by herself," mentioned Red, "she does seem a little... short ."
"Yeah, I don't think we'd miss her too badly if she were given 'advanced' equipment," commented Purple offhandedly.
They both let out a silent chuckle in reminiscing. The last Invader to whom they had conned garbage as an advanced SIR was still stranded on a hypothetical planet. Surely one more accident wouldn't hurt. They turned more confidently toward the rookie.
"Soldier Phlip-Phlop!" addressed Red.
"Yes, My Tallest?" returned the rookie.
As they we talking, Purple hovered off to a nearby bin of old parts while keeping it out of sight of everyone in the vicinity.
"Would you be willing to take on a 'special' unit?" continued Red.
"Special unit?" echoed Phlip-Phlop.
"Yes, you're an, uh... unique new Invader from your class and you deserve a servant that's a better fit for you. What would you say to this once-in-a-lifetime offer?"
If the Irken had irises in their eyes, they would probably look really weird widening in Phlip-Phlop's magenta orbs. But the narrator digresses. She didn't have to think twice about the potential benefits.
"I would accept it with open arms," she affirmed with a nod.
"Glad to hear it," smiled Red half-heartedly.
"Here it is," commented Purple while dropping the 'special' unit.
Contrary to the standard robots, this one seemed to house green lights in its eyes. But it saluted like all the other Invaders' servants.
"TIR is prepared for responsibilities." The sentence carried the voice of what sounded like a butler that Phlip-Phlop was sure belonged to some guy named Walter.
"TIR?" she echoed while tilting her head in confusion. "Why does your designation start with a T?"
'TIR' lifted a mechanical finger in front of himself. He then moved it back to his metal chin and scratched.
"I am not entirely certain, ma'am," he concluded. Out of nowhere, he started performing cartwheels.
Phlip-Phlop looked at her Tallest. "Why did it become so... sporadic?"
"That's what makes it unique," insisted Red.
"Oh, okay." Phlip-Phlop knew that it was pointless to question her rulers' logic and reason. According to the data banks, the last poor sucker that tried to point out their flaws found himself on a one-way trip to the sun's core.
"Okay, great! Good luck! We're counting on you. Bye!" Purple rambled quickly before throwing a randomly conjured switch.
In the next instant, Phlip-Phlop and TIR were sucked up by a large vacuum tube. After a few bumps along the way, they were spat out into Phlip-Phlop's small spaceship. A rolled up piece of paper soon followed their route and smacked her upside the head. Catching it in her hand, she unravelled the parchment. As it turned out, they held the coordinates to her planetary destination.
"Let's ride, TIR!" hollered Phlip-Phlop while taking the controls. "For the beginning of The Third Operation Impending Doom!"
"I shall perform the Dance of Doom," said TIR cheerfully. He then proceeded to shake his limbs while a snappy beat played from inside his own circuits. The spacecraft blasted off into hyperspace.
Meanwhile, back on the platform, the Tallest were finishing the official send off and their wave goodbye.
"Which planet did we send her to again?" wondered Red.
"I don't know," answered Purple, "something called Equus or something. I wasn't really paying attention."
(Several light-years later... )
Phlip-Phlop's eye twitched violently and involuntarily. TIR's self-looping music track had been playing this one song for the past two hours. His shuffling arms and legs compounded onto how annoying he was being. The Irken Invader was almost tempted to press eject right then to remove herself from seeing and hearing this 'special' unit. But she resisted the temptation. Invasion came before pleasure after all.
Her ship's monitor started beeping, indicating the closing proximity of her destination. She took a quick glance at the rather large mass of mostly green with a few splotches of blue and brown. A white circle surrounded the planet's top. She managed to smirk in spite of the annoying background music to which TIR had switched.
Planet Equus won't know what hit it, Phlip-Phlop thought as she chuckled. She escalated to a cackle. It was contagious to the point that TIR stopped what he was doing to give a hearty laugh of his own.
Author's Note
If comic artists can use Spongebob references, why can't writers do the same with other Nicktoon classics?
Impending Doom III: The Flip-Flopping Good Time
Chapter 2: Go With The Flo
Setting up a hidden base was the first step for any Irken Invader. But that was going to be difficult. It seemed that at least three of the planet's inhabitants had already caught sight of Phlip-Phlop's ship. TIR had described them as the majestic Pegasus. To this, his master expressed disbelief by squinting her right eye while widening her left. Her eyes quickly straightened out again when she saw that the Pegasi were swiftly following her. She'd have to find a way to escape her pursuers before she could land inconspicuously.
With that in mind, she initiated her ship's rear exhaust overloaders. She then accelerated while using the smoke as a diversion. However, she gasped when she saw that the dark cloud hadn't slowed them down at all. They actually kept up their speed after punching Pegasus-shaped holes through the smoke.
Phlip-Phlop gritted her zipper-shaped teeth. She didn't want to have to use force just to ensure cover. Unfortunately, her tactics that didn't involve aggressive incapacitation were not available to her in this aerial scenario. With three consecutive button presses, her ship released some small pellets. Upon contact with the Pegasi, the pellets expanded into one-size-fits-all netting. These bindings immediately followed up by sending electrical surges through their victims.
The shock wasn't lethal. It was designed to keep rebellious slaves in line. As it stood, however, the three nets only served to send these locals into the open grass below. To reduce any more chance of detection, the Irken Invader would have to try elsewhere on this giant rock.
"And now for the Dance of Detainment," said TIR cheerfully.
"Oh, for Purple's sake!" Phlip-Phlop moaned. Yet, the robot continued to dance and play music anyway.
It had only been four minutes since she dealt with the Pegasi. To Phlip-Phlop, it felt like forever.
"TIR, can you please stop dancing and scan a visual for anything unusual?" she asked with one hand steering while the other was held against her head.
"But of course, Lady Phlip-Phlop," replied the unit as his eyes went red.
Eventually, the Irken found an area that looked like it had been abandoned due to property decay. She flew her ship around and behind the stone ruins. Hopefully, no one would decide to look around back. The engine whirred a bit as the ship came to a stop right next to a few tree stumps.
An initial analysis of the atmosphere concluded that the air was inhabitable enough that Phlip-Phlop wouldn't have to suffocate or waste her spacesuit just to breathe. By adding TIR's scan results to the computer's primary scanner, she learned that the planet's local inhabitants composed of more than the 'majestic' Pegasus. The most common inhabitants were actually earth ponies and unicorns along with the occasional gryphon. A whole swarm of some bug-like entity were subtitled with the word "change" and four question marks after that.
"Computer, why are there question marks in the files?" Phlip-Phlop asked out loud.
"Data collection is incomplete," replied the female-voiced A.I. "Further planetary reconnaissance is necessary to fill in the gaps."
"I shall begin the Dance of Confusion," proposed TIR as he boogied down to an electronic beat.
Phlip-Phlop sighed exasperatedly. "Darn it, TIR." She shook her head as she started tapping away on her alien keyboard. "I'd better let the Tallest know I successfully landed."
Some violet static crossed the screen before an image came closer into view. However, it lacked the Tallest at their usual hub. Instead it looked like another Irken Invader staring at the screen in confusion.
"What is this?" hollered a loud boy's voice, "Who are you and where are the Tallest that are supposed to be on this frequency?"
By Green, he sure is demanding, thought Phlip-Phlop. "It seems we've crossed frequencies."
"In that case, I demand that you hang up and wait until my important call is finished!"
"You don't have to shout," remarked Phlip-Phlop, "and since when do you give me demands? You're an Invader too, right? We have equal status and stature."
The boy on screen punched his armrest. "I am Zim! How do you not know this? I created more havoc and destroyed more worlds than the rest of the Invaders combined! Fear me and shower me with respect!"
"Why does that name sound familiar?" muttered Phlip-Phlop. Her antennae suddenly poked up in realization. "Wait, now I remember. The data banks said that an individual named Zim single-handedly ruined Operation Impending Doom I."
Zim's awkward blinking filled the screen. "Yes, well,... that's all in the past! I have the most important mission in Operation Impending Doom II, the invasion of Planet Earth!"
The girl crossed her arms. It couldn't have been that important if they didn't bother updating him about the move to the Third Impending Doom.
"You know what? I'll humor you," decided Phlip-Phlop, "I'm going to log off and let you say whatever it is you want to the Tallest first."
"What? Er, I mean, that's right! You will yield to my command! Victory for Zim!" He was interrupted by what looked like a blue-eyed SIR running rampant and spilling chocolate shakes and bacon grease everywhere. "GIR, no! Don't throw that bac-!"
The monitor went back to being static. The Invader on Planet Equus couldn't help but chuckle.
"Wow, and I thought TIR was impossible," she muttered as she re-entered the interstellar transmission number. This time, two Irken showed up on screen. They hastily threw away what appeared to be an intense game of Poker before facing forward more enthusiastically.
"My Tallest, I have successfully landed on planet Equus," Invader Phlip-Phlop reported, "Plans for a large-scale takeover will begin immediately."
"Wait, you mean it was actually there?" Purple inquired before Red punched him in the shoulder. "I mean, that's terrific, Phlip-Phlop. Keep us posted."
"Understood," saluted Phlip-Phlop before ending the call.
"Do you have any threes?" asked Red.
"Go fish!" told Purple while chomping down another handful of popcorn.
"Dang it," swore Red as he drew another card.
"All right," announced Phlip-Phlop to herself and the nearby TIR, "first we need to get to know our soon-to-be slaves on a slightly more personal level." She walked over to her ship and activated the fairly unused Disguise Pod, capable of giving Irkens a nearly endless supply of costume options to fool inhabitants of any planet. One of her PAK's metallic legs reached out and slid the touch screen outside the pod.
"Ugh, why are so many of these options in bright pink?" she muttered. She then slid the screen once more. "Oh! That's perfect."
The metallic limb retreated back into her pack as she walked into the open pod. Once she was standing still, the pod closed and began its work. Outside, TIR continued dancing while seeming oblivious to the sound of drills and a chainsaw.
"Agh! I forgot how much this hurts!" the Invader's voice pierced the casing.
After that agonizing ten seconds, the Disguise Pod opened with a hiss of steam. With a clip and a clop, a lime green pony stepped into view. She opened her eyes revealing golden irises on unnoticeable contact lenses. A mane that reflected the same blue light as that of the sky flowed down her neck. It led to a backpack attached to some metal blades in the rough shape of wings.
The Pegasus lifted one of her front hooves and frowned.
"Oh my Red, I hope this conquest goes as swiftly as possible," Phlip-Phlop's voice exited the mouth of the pony. Her metal wings shivered in disgust. "I do not want to get used to this."
TIR took a break from his dancing to silently give his master a once-over. "You look amazing, ma'am."
"Well, that makes one of us," she said, refusing to reciprocate the enthusiasm. She then cleared her throat for a tone of professionalism. "We have no idea how advanced the enemy's technology is. Therefore, I shall perform a perimeter observation of the nearest civilization." Blue boosters burned underneath her metallic 'feathers' as she guided herself into the sky. "I'll come back here when I can determine that I require more assistance. Keep watch over the base."
"Yes, ma'am!" TIR saluted before watching her master fly away. "And now for the Dance of Solitude ."
After gliding around and ensuring that no one followed her, Phlip-Phlop hovered closer to the ground before voluntarily stopping her wing boosters. She looked left and right before strolling forth into the town. A sign a few feet from the edge was written in some crudely drawn scribbles. She had versed herself in several different animalian scratch writings. This knowledge was enough to distinguish a few crooked "e"s to decipher it as a welcome sign. It referred to the location behind it as 'Ponyville'.
Before going anywhere, she held up her left hoof and her hidden arm recorder opened. "Invader Phlip-Phlop Entry: The First Hour. The founders of one of the nearby locations appear to have a similar superiority complex to that of my home planet. End recording."
With that, the slot flattened out to a less conspicuous, cylindrical shape. She took a quick glance left and a quick glance right before proceeding to cross the boundary into this 'Ponyville'. After a bit more trotting and the minutes had passed, Phlip-Phlop discovered how simple yet accurate such a name was. It was indeed a village populated by several of the brightly colored pony creatures. The number of tints of pink was very painful to look at.
Wait, now her vision only had one tint of pink covering a rather large area.
"Hi!"
"Yipe!" Phlip-Phlop scrambled away several inches. "Holy squeedly spooch! Where did you come from?"
"I came running from Sugarcube Corner as soon as I sensed a new friend in town." The pony invader of personal space smiled brightly.
Way too much pink, Phlip-Phlop thought while shivering. "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?"
"That!" echoed the pink mouth.
Phlip-Phlop shook her head. "No, that other thing."
"That other thing!"
The Pegasus-suited Irken deadpanned. She then turned to walk around this pony.
That lack of intelligence... why does it seem like I just saw that two hours ago? she wondered.
"What's your name?"
"Agh!" Phlip-Phlop reared back onto her disguise's flank. She rapidly looked behind her and back in front of her. "But... you were just... over... and now you're... huh?"
"Hm... that might be a teeny bit difficult to remember all of that," commented the pink mess thoughtfully. "Can I call you something else for short?"
Okay, intelligence may be lacking, but her ability to distract and confuse the enemy is impressive. I can't let someone like this know my true identity. Come on, Phlip-Phlop. Think of a fake name.
"Flo," she said.
"Hmm?" the pinkness perked up.
"You can call me Flo," repeated Phlip-Phlop.
"Hi, Flo! My name is Pinkie Pie and I'd love to be your new best friend!"
Sweet mother of Violet, the pink has even contaminated its identity , Phlip-Phlop groaned internally. Slowly, she nudged the pony creature a hoof's length away from herself.
"That's very kind of you to offer, truly," she said with as sincere as she could with false gratitude, "but I'd like to avoid such a distraction right now. Please excuse me." Again, she walked around the obstruction. She kept one eye focused on the irritatingly pink color until she was sure that it was far enough to leave her sight. She sighed in relief as she turned to face forward.
"Are you sure?"
Phlip-Phlop's false eye twitched. "C-Can all ponies levitate upside-down like that?"
"No, silly," giggled the pink-pied pony, "Only Pegasuses can float like this comfortably."
As if to prove her right, gravity suddenly kicked in. The pink fell to the ground. It then proceeded to transform into a standing pony.
This specimen seems a bit high on smoky vapors if not sugar.
Pinkie reached behind her and pulled out a fold-up card.
"At least consider coming to the big party later today!" the pony exclaimed while practically shoving the item into Phlip-Phlop's mouth. "We'll be having cake, ice cream, and dancing to celebrate Official Random Holiday Party Day!"
Phlip-Phlop curled one of her metallic feathers around and spat the invitation out into the wing's grip.
"I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that occasion," she admitted.
"That's funny," noted Pinkie, "Rarity said the exact same thing this morning."
I don't know who this 'Rarity' is , pondered Phlip-Phlop, But he sounds like a sensible man.
At that point, her squeedly spooch decided to gurgle against her belly area.
Well, in all the excitement, I kind of forgot to pick up snacks for the long conquest. Maybe I should at least stop by and stock up on carbohydrates. She took a breath. Don't look too desperate. Weakness is the enemy.
"I will consider your offer, Pie," Phlip-Phlop stated calmly.
"Woo-hoo!" the pinkness hooped and hollered as she performed several backflips in a row. "See you there, Flowy!"
"Flowy?" echoed Phlip-Phlop before calling out, "Hey wait! I only said I'd consider...!"
But the intense level of pink had suddenly been reduced to a bare minimum tolerance level.
"She's really gone this time?" she asked out loud. She shook her head. "What a strange creature." She decided to open the card to check the details regarding time and location, but she got caught up on the last line. "Wait, when did she find the time to write my alias inside of here? She just met me."
As TIR finished his seventy-fifth repetition of the Dance of Solitude, the hum of wing boosters indicated his master's return. She landed and galloped over before placing one hoof on top of his head.
"TIR, it looks like I'm going to require your assistance sooner than I thought," stated Phlip-Phlop, "I'm going to be doing some resource gathering in a heavily occupied area. I'll need you to be an extra set of eyes on the situation." She pointed over to the Disguise Pod. "Naturally, we'll both need to be incognito. Find a suitable disguise and come to this location." She lowered the card into the robot's view.
"Of course, Master Phlip-Phlop," acknowledged TIR while taking hold of the invitation in his metallic hands.
"That reminds me," the fake Pegasus continued, "you shouldn't refer to me by name if we need to communicate while in the area. Just use generic titles."
"Certainly, ma'am," TIR graciously obliged.
"All right." Phlip-Phlop nodded while taking a step back. "I'm going to go ahead so that if one of us is somehow captured by a trap, the other can still offer some form of rescue assistance. Wait at least five minutes after I go in before entering yourself. Smaller numbers means fewer eyes to catch their prey."
With that, her wing boosters flared again and she flew off. After a couple of seconds, TIR rapidly clapped his hands.
"How wonderful! A dance party!" He wandered over to the Disguise Pod. "I can't wait to raise the roof and tear up the floor!"
The chainsaw and drilling noises didn't deter him in the least.
"Flo" cautiously entered the building. Inside of her PAK, her metallic leg kept a grip on her silenced plasma pistol just in case. Though, the attendees of the party seemed preoccupied with mindless chit-chat and stomping around in rhythm-less motions. While keeping her eyes active and looking around, she gave a half-hearted "Good day" and "Excuse me" as various ponies moved in and around her personal space.
Upon getting a visual of the refreshments table, Flo cringed at the amount of pink that topped the items. However, she managed to take a deep breath and fight the empty bile in her single-organ gut. Determinedly, she reached a hoof toward a seemingly edible purple cupcake topped with a green apple slice.
The joint of another specimen hit the table before she could reach her destination.
"Why hello there, little lady," said some guy's voice. "I haven't seen your face around before. Who might you be?"
She turned her head and eyes slowly and awkwardly enough to be mechanical. The organism obstructing her objective was apparently a pony of proportions. He had this half-smug look that reminded her too much of Tallest Purple on that one day of getting high on potassium sulfate. That was to say, she didn't like the way he was looking at her. She also didn't appreciate how he had interfered with the simple task of nourishment.
"Flo," she replied curtly.
"Ah," the man-pony nodded, "Flow like a river, huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "Sure, whatever." She turned back to the small cake and proceeded to grip it with microscopic magnets in her hidden phalanges. She took a tentative bite to ensure that her squeedly spooch wouldn't reject it. To her relief, there was a distinct lack of regurgitation.
"I'm pretty free-flowing myself," the male added.
Oh my Red, is he still talking to me? wondered Phlip-Phlop in annoyance.
"How would you like a bite of my sugar, hint hint?" he nudged her shoulder.
She swallowed a larger mouthful of her treat. "No thanks. I'm not interested." She failed to notice the guy's open mouth of shock as she trotted toward the chips and dip.
Hmm, she thought as she observed one of the fried triangles of corn flour. There's roughly a ten percent concentration of halite crystals. She took a crunchy bite out of the item. She coughed out crumbs and her body shivered. The rest of this, however, is not worth that little bit of nutrition.
"Hey, are you okay?"
She turned at the voice. Apparently, this man wasn't taking the hint.
"My health is satisfactory, yes," stated Phlip-Phlop flatly.
"Well, it just sounded like you got a chip down the wrong pipe or something."
Chip? she thought. Are bio-mechanical pieces normal among this species, or... is he onto me? Well, either way... this gives me a reason to test their conductibility with my stunning weapon.
Casually, she extended a small metallic limb with the Irken pistol in grip. It was low enough that most of the attendees of the event wouldn't see it unless they were looking extremely closely. Once it was within a couple inches, it released a small hiss and jolt. The male pony shook a little in place before his eyes shut. He collapsed onto the floor without another word.
His spine isn't emitting any smoke, observed Phlip-Phlop. So, these Equus creatures are purely biological after all. What a shame. Her limbs pulled in a few more of the small cakes into proper storage.
Suddenly, the front door slammed open. A feathered freak with a beak and a horse's bottom barged in with a smile.
He shouted, "Salutations! Where might be the dance floor that I can shred to pieces?"
While most of the ponies in the room stopped and stared at him in silence, Phlip-Phlop slapped her face with her hoof.
What part of incognito don't you understand? she thought with a silent groan. TIR, you idiot.
Author's Note
Well, I didn't stop at the first chapter like I thought I would. I guess this will be one of my ongoing projects during the cold times when I can't seem to poke my brain for the other ideas.
Impending Doom III: The Flip-Flopping Good Time
Ch. 3: All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter
Chapter 3: All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter
Phlip-Phlop pressed her disguise hoof against her face so hard, that she could swear she was actually feeling the large toenail against her temples. Here she was at a social gathering of the locals, all set to gather nutrient resources. Aside from hiding a paralyzed pony's body underneath the table, things had been going fairly smoothly. But then her clueless robot had to show up. Oh, he was disguised as she had previously instructed, but he seemed to completely miss the point of a subtle entrance.
What garnered the attention of the party's attendees was the sudden arrival of a hippogryph. While half-bird, half-ponies weren't unheard of, there were very few sightings of them. What was even rarer was their loud entrance invoking the destruction of the very floor on which they were standing.
You, TIR, are a fool, thought Phlip-Phlop as she silently calculated her odds of escape. I could knock some heads loose to reduce the potential witness count. No, I don't have enough shots for this many Equines. She quietly groaned. Oh, why did I have to choose the days of Academy fist combat to sleep in?
"Should I just rip up all of the floor, then?" asked TIR with a big grin on his beak.
"Um, sir... you don't... mean that, right?" piped in a nearby party guest pony.
"I never joke about dancing to the heart's content!" insisted TIR.
Phlip-Phlop sighed. Her mechanical limbs shuffled a few small items from inside her PAK. The items she grabbed entered the air of the room as small, black pellets. They landed on the ground as a layer of grayish smoke. Said smoke rose slightly, covering the eye level of all of the ponies present. Some of the ponies coughed, and all of them had eyes full of water.
At the entrance, a certain blue mane, green hide pony was dragging a hippogryph away by his tail. She looked very upset as she kicked her wing boosters on and flew out of town.
"We need to work on your foundational programming," commented Phlip-Phlop.
"Sorry, did I perform a Charlie when I should have dosey-ed?" wondered TIR expectantly.
Briefly, she looked back with a deadpanned expression. This look was briefly interrupted by a frown and a snort. She turned back to face where she was going, but didn't say anything. The hippogryph occasionally wiggled one of his limbs with the urge to perform a sky dance. In less than a couple minutes, they were back at Phlip-Phlop's base.
She shivered briefly. A mechanical, pointed leg reached out from her PAK and tapped three specific points on the back of her neck. After three clicks, her disguise seemed to fizzle out of existence. The Irken Invader stood back up on her normal two legs and walked towards where she had previously set up her computer.
"TIR, do you remember our mission?"
The hippogryph scratched underneath his beak. "The destruction of all human scum?"
"What? No!" exclaimed Phlip-Phlop. "We're here to conquer and/or vanquish the citizens of this planet." She clenched her gloved fists. "These... ponies are going to be destroyed, but we can't make that happen if you go around blowing our cover as..." She pointed accusingly at TIR. "... whatever the heck that's supposed to be."
TIR raised his claws in shocked surrender. It almost looked like he was sweating a bit, even though that should have been impossible for a SIR unit, garbage or otherwise. Swiftly, his claws reached around his neck and pulled the hawk head off. The illusion faded immediately, returning TIR to his original robotic form.
Phlip-Phlop grunted and turned back to the monitor that leaned over the tiny keyboard. Her fingers went to work tapping the buttons in the most delicate pattern ever. Meanwhile, one of her mechanical spider legs reached out of her PAK with one of the tiny cakes she had previously acquired. It whirred around to let her take a big bite of the carbohydrate-rich foodstuff. After some noisy chewing, she swallowed.
"I need to run a basic equipment check," she stated without room for opposition. "We've been burning through far too many escaping projectile weapons within our first day on the mission. TIR, see if you can find any replacement components anywhere within a hundred meters of this base while I calculate the optimal way to ration the remainder of the supplies over several days."
"But of course, ma'am," saluted TIR just before jogging through the nearby foliage.
After he was gone for a few seconds, she muttered, "If he finds anything, that will be great. If he gets lost and takes his annoying dance routines with him... that would be just as great. Either way, it's win-win."
With that said, she continued tapping random buttons and watching her various supply counts rush by on the screen.
*Poke*
Food supplies were at an abysmal low. Plant material was sufficient. Valuable minerals were disturbingly low. Rocks were available, but their true value was beyond the computer's data. Stunning weapons were projected to be gone into the negative numbers by the end of the week.
*Poke* *Poke*
Her infinity laser blasters were still working efficiently. Automatic repair suits were sustainable. A bunch of other techno babble terms flooded the screen as Phlip-Phlop skimmed through most of them. There was no reason for her to keep track of extremely slow-reacting radioactivities, right?
*Poke* *Poke* *Poke*
Come to think of it, why were some of these flashing numbers describing such useless information? It said that opera singing was in short supply. Battering rams were just under acceptable parameters. The hidden artillery flags was an odd number where it recommended even. Phlip-Phlop couldn't help but stare in bafflement at what her device was presenting to her... at least until a rolled up newspaper smacked the back of her head four times in a row.
"For the love of Red, what?!" Furiously, she turned her head to face the interruption.
"Some botany for the lady?"
TIR held up some plant in his robotic pincers. It was a bouquet of blue-spotted flowers that he shook around a little. Phlip-Phlop was unamused and expressed herself as a pan that was dead.
"I thought I told you to look for materials that could be used in the place of some of our escape equipment."
The robotic unit held the flowers to the side and shrugged. "There aren't any suitable materials within the demanded radius, Master Phlip-Phlop."
She pinched the skin just above her eye plates. "Mother of Orange." She sighed and held up her hands dismissively. "Alright, look. I'm not interested in having flowers in a place that we're trying to remain inconspicuous. Just... send them to that pony that sent the party invites. I'm sure it'll be a suitable appearance of thanks."
"Splendid!" TIR cheered as he whipped up a small gift box out of nowhere. He shut the exterior around the flowers in his grasp. He then proceeded to don the head of his hippogryph disguise. The rest of the disguise's body formed around him almost instantly. "I shall practice my 'shuffleboard walk' all the way to the post office."
"Yeah, sure." She rolled her eye plates. "Go do that."
Phlip-Phlop turned back to her monitor and drummed her fingers against the space just underneath the keyboard. As soon as her robotic slave was out of sight and his humming was too distant to hear, she allowed herself to lean back in her chair. Admit it or not, she was not in the best position for an invading force.
"TIR may be an idiot, but he's a smart idiot," she admitted. "If he couldn't at least find mere scraps of workable components, then there aren't enough around this patch of land to prospect in the first place." She hopped out of her chair and started pacing around with her arms crossed behind her back. "I'm either going to need to travel to distant populaces, or potentially appropriate whatever is available in the local 'Ponyville'. But... how am I going to do that without drawing unnecessary attention?" Her mechanical spider legs grew out and started carrying her around so that her biped legs could rest. "They may seem like happy, flirtatious individuals, but you can only do things outside of a culture's norms for so long before even the happiest individuals start questioning in ways that cannot be deterred with simple lies and half-covered facts."
Her metal PAK's limbs stopped so that she was hanging right in front of her computer. She rubbed her gloves against her head and sighed. What she needed to do was the most obvious solution. However, logic and her personal hubris were not in agreement. She pulled out one more cupcake and scarfed it down. She frustratingly surrendered her pride for the sake of the mission.
"I'm going to have to find... a job ."
Town Hall's board read, "Help Wanted". 'Flo', however, did not look at the phrase in excitement. It reminded her too much of a prison composed of empty lies and deep-fried grease. Still, the phrasing on the advertisement was enough to prevent her from completely getting sick. She stuck the piece of paper on a metal feather and trotted out of Town Hall.
She flew through the air, eyeing the ad every once in a while to double-check the address and directions. A couple pegasi stopped and waved, but she flew past them without a second thought. Regardless if the mission called for her to blend in as much as necessary, she wasn't foolish enough to believe that chatting it up with strangers and that befriending them would somehow save the day.
Eventually, she found the building of the advertised address and hovered down. The fires from her jet-fueled wings slowly died down, but not before smelting some nearby grass into black puddles of lawn goop. Sighing, she walked over to the door and knocked with her disguise's right front hoof.
"I'll be right there," called a guy's voice. The door opened to reveal a tan stallion with a short, brown mane. "Oh thank Celestia. I thought you'd never make it here, Phlip. Or... is it 'Flo' now?"
Phlip-Phlop performed a double-take. "What did you just say?"
"Oh sorry, I thought you already... no." The stallion scratched underneath his mouth. "I suppose technically you haven't yet, even though chronologically, you did . But from your perspective, it hasn't happened yet . So... when does that leave us?"
The disguised mare blinked, not comprehending. "Did you lose your thinking organ or are all stallions on this suspiciously clean planet just that dumb?"
He leaned closer and squinted. "Hmm, third impression could use a bit of work." He stood up straight and chuckled. "Well, third for me. First for you. Anyway..." He turned around and motioned with a free hoof. "This way, please."
"Hold up." A metallic feather clanged against the rest of Phlip-Phlop's wing. "Who are you and what did I sign up for when I took this job?"
"Just call me Doc for now and you're signing up for mechanical apprentice duties for a while." His trotting echoed as he moved further into the hallway.
She groaned before galloping inside. "How did you know I was Flo?"
"Oh, details will come earlier... or later..." He pushed open a door on his left. "It's a matter of perspective really."
Under her breath, she muttered, "Are you ever going to make sense?"
Doc pulled a lever and tapped a few buttons on the wall. Familiar beeping sounds graced Phlip-Phlop's cranium. She watched as several lights blinked on and off above her. A plasma core slowly spun around inside a lamp-shaped device. Within seconds, a couple panels opened up along the wall to reveal a crisscrossing pattern of coated wires.
"Perhaps somepony as... foreign... as you could take a crack at repairing this?"
Phlip-Phlop squinted. "What do you know about me?" Inside her PAK, a metallic limb gently touched her blaster.
He looked smug as he adjusted his bow tie. "Probably more than you'd like, Ms. Phlop. But let's stick with the here and now, shall we?" He cleared his throat and looked sincerely. "I'm going to need your help to save this world as we know it."
She snorted. "Your intel gathering is shoddy, Doc."
Doc waved a hoof dismissively. "Yes, yes, world-conquering invader, but that's just your basic instincts. You could be so much more if you dedicated your scientific application to helping others."
"And now you're being presumptuous." Phlip-Phlop's jet-wings lifted her and moved her just in front of her 'employer'. "In case you couldn't tell by the descriptor you just used for me, I'm trying to destroy this world. In spite of how little you know, there is enough in your debriefing to say that you know too much."
Her metallic limb pulled out her blaster. It charged up and aimed directly at Doc's skull. He remained calm as his hoof reached into a pocket under his hide. When his hoof came out, an object that looked like a cross between a laser pointer and an electric toothbrush flicked and pointed in the opposite direction. It chirped at a high frequency and glowed neon green.
At that moment, the blaster lost its noise. The disguised alien gasped as her blaster refused to respond to its trigger. She looked at her current opponent and growled.
"I'm not going to turn you over to anyone, Phlip." He looked sincerely at her. "From one extra-equestrial to another, I simply request your help."
She stared at him for what felt like forever. How were this stallion's eyes so naive and yet simultaneously experienced? She couldn't gauge him. All she knew for sure was that he knew a few things about her identity and he could apparently shut off her weapons. Accompanied by a sigh, she put her blaster away.
Doc slowly stowed his tool as well. "May I... have a look at the real you?"
Phlip-Phlop squinted at him again. "You're pushing it, Doc."
"I just want to provide my new employee some comfort after her moment of stress."
"Hmph." She crossed a couple of metallic legs in front of herself. "In that case, why don't you show me your true form first?"
"Believe it or not, this is my true form." He rustled his mane with one hoof. "Though, I do keep wishing that one of my re-spawns would give me a nice red mane."
"A freaking Gallop-Free?" She held a hoof over her eyes and shook her head lightly. "By Red and Purple's antennae. Now your buzzing monkey-wrench makes perfect sense."
Doc half-smiled and half-frowned. "It's a hypersonic screwdriver actually."
"Do I look like I care?" She practically ripped off her disguise in frustration and it disappeared into a holographic weight space. She crossed her gloves while her metallic limbs carried the rest of her body over to the wall's wires. "Where do I start?"
Minutes passed with the Irken doing various tasks: adjusting circuits, welding parts together with a torch, and reconfiguring whatever else she could think to realign. She wiped an area on her forehead as if in a sweat. After the wires looked sufficiently different from when she had first witnessed them, she nodded at the stallion.
He pushed the lever back up and the panels slowly closed. With a bit of rumbling, some of the above lights turned on solidly without the blinking. He smiled gently and walked over to the another side of the room.
"Well, that job will be finished," he said while shuffling around behind an old aircraft. "At least, it will be for yesteryear."
Phlip-Phlop rubbed her temples for the umpteenth time that day. It's like freaking riddle-speak with this species.
He walked back over and dropped a sack at her feet. It sounded like multiple clinks on top of each other.
"Here you are, that should get you off the ground... so to speak." He pulled out a clipboard and scribbled with a pencil in his mouth. "Oh, and remember to put your disguise on before you leave."
"I already knew that, Gallop-Free." She used her mechanical claw to drag the bag and its contents into her PAK. She then reset her pony guise of 'Flo'. "But just remember something." She took slow, deliberate steps toward the room's exit. "As soon as I figure out how to bypass your cheating multi-tool, I will find you... and I will destroy you."
He didn't even look around from his clipboard and paper. "Yeah, good luck with that."
Phlip-Phlop's eyes went wide. "Five hundred pieces of pure aurum? Computer, do you know what this means?"
"That you can start making statues of your glory earlier than you anticipated? " guessed the artificial intelligence.
The Irken grinned wickedly. "Actually, I have a better idea."
After shoving many of the aurum 'bits' into the machine that converts aurum into anything else, inventory numbers rose dramatically in certain line items. Space turkey sandwiches were enough to last for weeks. Stun-ray charges and tripping tools were filled for the next year. Automatic refuel and repair cells for the one-invader spaceship were fully charged.
Phlip-Phlop cackled loudly. Soon, this pathetic planet would be hers to command. All would crumble before-
"I traded the blue flowers for some magic beans!"
The familiar voice of her lackey urged her to sharply channel her gaze. "TIR, not now! Can't you see I'm having an evil moment of triumph?"
"Ah, a note of huge success." The robotic unit clapped two appendages together.
She turned back to her spot and attempted to resume her cackling where she left off. "Ha ha ha... aw, forget it. You ruined it, TIR! You have ruined it and I'm going to bed." She hopped off her chair and marched over to her temporary relaxation quarters.
TIR glanced at the beans in his possession before calling out. "What should I do about the barter I got from a zebra?"
"Shove them in a storage can! I don't give a spooch!" Phlip-Phlop called back.
He shrugged and tossed the beans into an open tin can on the other side of the hideout. He then proceeded to dance the night away.
Author's Note
I cannot believe it took me that long to figure this chapter out.Invader Zim might be coming back eventually. That'd be neat.
Impending Doom III: The Flip-Flopping Good Time
Ch. 4: Suspicion-ing Begins
Chapter 4: Suspicion-ing Begins
Lyra Heartstrings slowly opened her eyes and sat up in her bed. The sun was rising now. She turned to look and saw that her alarm clock had about one minute before it was due to ring. She sighed and magically tapped it off until the next day cycled. A yawn escaped her mouth as she looked to the other side of her bed. It was empty, save for an undisturbed pillow.
She dragged herself out of her bedroom and dragged her hooves with her down the hall. She cracked open a door that wasn't completely closed in the first place. She rubbed her eye with a hoof and looked around. A few scattered paraphernalia littered this room. In the center was a familiar friend, scrambling through papers and tools like a mad mare.
"Bon Bon, what are you doing?" murmured Lyra in an annoyed sense of wonder.
Bon Bon's gaze shifted from one page to another. "It had to be. It's gotta be. The Doc never lets ordinary ponies in aside from Muffins."
Lyra moved inside the room and tapped her friend on the back. "Bon Bon, did you ever go to sleep last night?"
Bon Bon turned her head, revealing her bloodshot eyes. "How can you possibly think about sleeping?! This time is way too serious for something so common and trivial!"
"Uh-huh... sure..." Lyra blinked and slowly backed away. "I'm going to go start some breakfast for us and then hit the shower. You okay with hard-boiled eggs and waffles?"
"I'm serious, Lyra!" Bon Bon grabbed onto both of Lyra's sides and held firmly. "Something foreign has invaded our world from beyond the stars!"
"Uh, yeah?" Lyra used her magic to gently nudge Bon Bon off of her. "Her name is Princess Luna. She used to be Nightmare Moon before the Elements of Harmony brought her to her senses. That's kind of last year's news, isn't it?"
"No, not right next to the stars!" Bon Bon groaned while holding up a random paper page. "Beyond the stars! I'm talking about aliens!"
Lyra deadpanned. "That's a picture of a werewolf, Bon Bon."
"Huh?" Bon Bon glanced at her illustration, quickly realizing she had grabbed the wrong one. "Oh, shoot! Wrong stack..." She picked up a few other pieces of paper before smiling in delight. "Ahem... I'm talking about aliens !"
Despite the image being correct, Lyra still looked unimpressed. "How about I at least get some hot water started for tea, and you can tell me all about it. Does that sound fair?"
"Good idea!" Bon Bon turned around and grabbed two pens and blank pages at once. "Their absolute zero nanobots can't withstand boiling temperatures!"
Lyra was at the doorway by this point, rolling her eyes. "Shall I load the waffles with extra brown sugar so that their mind-probes won't be able to handle our constant twitching?"
"Lyra, you're a genius!" Bon Bon scribbled notes with her right hoof while performing equations with her left. "With our combined intellect, those little green ponies won't know what hit 'em!"
Lyra trotted out and muttered, "I'm too tired to know if that should offend me or not."
Phlip-Phlop was rather offended at being treated like a dance floor. TIR was doing some benign choreography that she had long since given up on figuring out. Rather than waste her necessary breath to shout at him for rudely waking her up, she silently reached out one of her PAK's metallic legs and slapped him far away from herself. She then used her gloved hand to pick up a thermos of sugar water with trace amounts of coffee and chugged half of its contents.
"Journal Entry: Day 7. Resource gathering has accelerated months ahead of schedule." She used her booted feet to walk over to her giant computer monitor. "Options are not as limited as the day of arrival, though the Gallop-Free present on this planet will be a wild card. With all of this available, it may be possible that the direction of completing the mission will soon face an obstacle." She squinted her solid magenta eyes. "Choice Paralyzing."
"Don't you mean 'Choice Paralysis', Master?" asked TIR as he cartwheeled back within the base's vicinity.
"No, you dumb bolt-bucket." Phlip-Phlop shook her head. "All dramatic concepts must end with an '-ing'. It is by law of the Tallest!"
"Oh." TIR blinked twice. "Carry on, then."
"Computer!" She pressed a bunch of random buttons on the alien keyboard. "Offer suggestions for the next course of action!"
"Um... shouldn't you decide how you'd like me to organize my suggestions before you start the search engine?" The screen flickered between slightly brighter and slightly dimmer with each deep-voiced syllable. "A generic list will just hasten the approach to hitting the Choice Paralyzing."
"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." She gritted her zipper-like teeth. "Now do what I told you to do!"
"Y-Yes, ma'am." The computer started a list of all the possible options. Words in the Irken tongue rushed upward as the display scrolled through every single one of them.
Phlip-Phlop's eyes swiveled back and forth, trying to keep up with it all. TIR used that time to practice some cross between the Macarena and the Robot styles of dancing. The computer occasionally blurted out some weird, buzzing noise when it was forced to push two screens' worth of text beyond the scope of its singular display. Finally, the words came to a halt. Phlip-Phlop fell backwards, barely extending her mechanical legs in time to catch herself.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" she yelled to the sky.
"I warned you." The computer's speaker imitated a sigh.
TIR switched to a move that looked like a spinning ice skater while balancing on one foot.
"Ah-ha! "
Lyra jumped back at the sudden exclamation from up the hall. She quickly eyed the two mugs that she was fighting to regain balance of as they floated in her magic touch. Trying to hurry but still being careful, she awkwardly power-trotted over to Bon Bon's workroom.
"What happened?" Lyra pressed her hoof against the door while keeping the mugs of tea in a balancing act.
"Lyra, perfect timing!" Bon Bon motioned with one hoof while adjusting some dials on a radio. "Listen to this!"
Bon Bon clicked a button and a couple reels turned slowly. A sound emitted from the tiny speaker. It screeched loudly and painfully. Lyra slammed her hooves above her head on her ears. The floating mugs cracked, despite her magic pressing no harder on them than it had been. None too soon, Bon Bon clicked the button marked with two vertical bars.
"Proof positive of an alien's cry." The earth pony mare practically beamed at her apparent accomplishment.
The little green unicorn was busy massaging her temple. "Are you sure? That could have been somepony randomly stubbing their hoof against a pebble... or on one of those poorly designed toy blocks."
"This is no mere Terr-Craft-Go Block induced, painful scream." Bon Bon chuckled. "Notice how it exists on these two frequencies simultaneously, without them collapsing into each other until the very end." She pulled out a hoof-drawn line graph for emphasis. "This is the very nature of an alien's voice box."
Lyra tilted her head while also magically setting the breaking mugs down on some empty desk space. "So... what does this mean? The alien stepped on a Terr-Craft-Go Block?"
"Oh, Lyra..." Bon Bon pulled her friend into a one-hoofed hug. "Lyra, Lyra, Lyra... while you are lovable, you are also slow to understand. But that is alright. I'm here for you... and to protect you!" She galloped toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Lyra followed with her eyes.
"To confirm my research with one who shares in things both alien and beyond our world's understanding!" With that, Bon Bon was gone from sight and the house.
"So... Spike's comic book collection?" Lyra muttered while lowering her head. "And you forgot about your tea and breakfast."
She tried floating over one of the mugs in her magic hold to sip its contents. Unfortunately, the mug chose the moment just before it reached her to finally shatter, spilling the slightly darkened liquid onto the floor. She sighed as she threw the handle into a nearby garbage bin.
"Maybe it's time to visit Minuette again."
"Time to snap out of it, Phlip-Phlop." The invader drummed her gloved appendages against her cranium. "You can figure this out. We've all been through the Irken Academy's million laser-pointers of doom. This is squeedly-spooch play in comparison." She cleared her throat. "Computer, review mission objectives and play them back to me."
The suggestions faded color to allow for a slightly smaller window to appear on screen. "1) Capture, control and/or destroy currently occupied planet. 2) Re-purpose whatever remains of the planet's resources and inhabitants into something for the Irken Empire. 3) Hail the Tallest forever and ever."
"Right." Phlip-Phlop used one of her mechanical limbs to tap some individual keys. "Weed out the suggestion list until we're left with only the mission-critical tasks."
"Acknowledged. Scanning..." Several items were thankfully deleted from the eyesore of a gargantuan list. What were left of the words had digital lines drawn between them and the respective mission objectives.
"Excellent..." Phlip-Phlop grinned devilishly as she rubbed her imitations of fingers together.
"So, when's our next party attendance?" TIR leaned around as if to glance over his master's shoulder.
"If we play our cards right, never," she responded to her robot. "The first thing we need to do is corrupt the local government figures. With careful placement, the long-term end will see the population practically begging to be taken over by someone else." She walked over to one of her supply crates and shuffled through its contents. "But first things first."
"Wait... no more dance raves?" TIR's mechanical gob frowned a little as his eye lights curved up to either side of his face.
"Focus, TIR!" Phlip-Phlop slammed a pen-shaped object into the robot's claws. "Our mission starts with the little things. Go in disguise and flash this memory-eraser in the mayor's eyes. Once should suffice." She pulled out a small bracelet from the crate. "Meanwhile, I'll hit her with a tiny dose of Greedy Serum to slowly increase her desire for fleeting things like money and junk. In a matter of days, even the most brain-dead of the ponies will have to see that she's unfit to enforce their laws and they'll demand for her to leave office."
"Why? Is she sick?" TIR imitated a blinking motion.
"No, you fool." Phlip-Phlop pulled him a mere inch away from her own face. "We're going to be the ones corrupting her. Eventually, the princesses too."
"Corrupting the government! How brilliant!" TIR pulled back and cartwheeled around the base perimeter. "Who needs rulers? ~No kings, no queens, la-la-la, la la, la...~"
She slammed the rest of her mechanical legs out of her PAK against the ground. "Idiot! There will be rulers!"
He stopped mid-cartwheel. "But you said-"
"I will rule this planet... and by proxy, so will the Tallest." She shook her head and sighed. "I swear, sometimes I think your brain was partly constructed from some primitive life-form instead of an artificial intelligence." She activated her Flo suit and TIR's hippogryph disguise. "Now, get going. And for Red's sake, don't get spotted."
"Yes, Master Phlip-Phlop." The hippogryph's eyes briefly flashed red before returning to their normal disguised color. His wings flapped and sent him one way while Flo's wing jets flew her in a slightly different arc pattern.
Muffins "Derpy" Hooves was having a bit of trouble. She checked her schedule for weather clouds at least three times that morning just to be sure she had it right. But as she was going over the locations and times in her head again, she was flying nowhere near those places. She groaned sadly as she slowly pushed her cloud around. This lightning wasn't just going to start the drizzle over the hydro-power plant by itself. If only she could remember which direction it could be, then she would be right on time for something.
The poor pegasus was only further confused by what she saw next. A hippogryph was dancing in the middle of the air to some unheard tune. It didn't make any sense to her because no pony was belting out a song anywhere nearby. There wasn't any band passing through town today either. So, what was going on?
"Um, excuse me sir." She tapped the fellow on the shoulder. "Are you feeling okay?"
The hippogryph gasped and turned on a dime. "I've been compromised! Evasive action!"
He lifted a red ball-point pen and pressed his claw against it. The next few moments felt very... green light.
...
Muffins "Derpy" Hooves was having a bit of trouble. As she was going over the cloud schedule in her head again, she found she was flying nowhere near where she was supposed to be. In fact, she had suddenly found it very fun to start bouncing on the thunderhead like a trampoline. Before she could stop herself, a lightning bolt slammed right into the town hall, causing the tip-top of the roof to crack and crumble into itself.
"Maybe if I jump on it some more, it'll recharge the lightning and no pony will notice." The pegasus smiled to herself as she thought of the solution out loud and continued to trampoline off the cloud.
Bill. Sign. Bill. Sign. Bill. Sign.
Mayor Mare's jaws were starting to ache from swiveling her quill across papers so many times. For a moment, she decided to set it back down into the ink and just breathed. She fiddled with her tie with one hoof and adjusted her glasses with her other hoof. Then, she picked up a stack of random junk mail and slowly sorted things into the never-ending "recyclable" pile.
A cracking noise caught her attention. "What was that?"
She flinched when she heard a crash somewhere beyond the wall. She set her stack back down on the center of her desk and trotted out of her office. Inside the main hall, she saw something that made her mane stand on end. Her eyes opened in shock at the top of town hall's roof currently sitting on the conference hall's floor. Her wordless question was answered when she saw a haphazard lightning cloud outside and the pegasus jumping up and down on it.
The mayor groaned. "Why couldn't it have been a monster attack? At least we have insurance to cover those kinds of damages. But no, a singular pony crashing or having an accident, and suddenly they expect us all to pay out of pocket."
She exhaled and held a hoof against her head as she walked back into the office. If she knew anything, it was that girls that want to have fun would not be satisfied until they got it all out of their systems. Telling "Derpy" to stop had a tendency to backfire horribly on anything she touched.
As Mayor Mare sat back down at her desk, something pricked the side of her neck. It stung more than it hurt. She reached up her hoof and scraped the intrusive feeling off. It seemed to evaporate, but it briefly looked like the strangest mosquito she had ever laid her sights on. With that annoyance seemingly taken care of, she went back to wondering how she would raise enough money to fix the current and most likely future damages to town hall.
One flyer in the junk mail stood out to her heightened awareness. It was an upcoming rodeo over in Canterlot. Normally, she didn't think she would care about such an event so much. However, her eyes gravitated toward the first-place prize money stated at the very bottom. That amount looked very attractive to her and she grinned as she knew just the pony from Ponyville who would love to participate.
She was so busy thinking about ways to spend the extra money, that she didn't notice the laughing green and blue mare flying away on two rocket-like plumes.
Bon Bon was walking away from the library with some ~~of Spike's comic books~~ research materials. As she started to gallop, she heard something like rockets and looked up. She saw a strange green mare and... were those rigidly metal wings? She quickly flipped through one of the paperbacks until she found a page with a panel of a cyborg pony from outer space.
She looked back to the sky. "I've got you now."
Author's Note
Any correlation to MLP:FiM episodes may not necessarily happen in the "right" order.
Impending Doom III: The Flip-Flopping Good Time
Grass was growing. The sun was shining down. Birds were singing as they flew along, minding their own business. One bird's song was cut short by a sudden beam of hot light. Another bird soon followed suit. The remaining bird chirped nervously, awaiting a response from its friends. Its life was gone in an instant.
Phlip-Phlop exhaled across the end of her blaster weapon. "TIR, what did I instruct you to do?"
"To stop my 'infernal dancing'?" TIR twiddled his small robotic hands.
"No, TIR." The Irken put away her blaster and crossed her gloved arms. "With the memory-erasing?"
"Um... reprogram the governing ponies, ma'am?" The trash-filled robot shivered in place.
"And what did you end up doing?" She leaned her face down to look at him closely.
"Wiping memories of the wrong ponies." TIR lowered his gaze to the grass beneath his legs.
Phlip-Phlop released an alien taser. As the dual-pronged spring latched onto the robot, TIR let out a high-pitched yelp. The overdose of electric current convinced his body to flail his limbs while involuntarily floating in the air. After what felt like an eternity, the spring cooled back down and pulled back to the taser trigger.
"Feel that? That is how honesty feels." Phlip-Phlop turned around. "Insubordination is a serious blight against the Irken Empire. Be thankful I did not scrap you for parts on the spot."
"Oo! Time for the mercy dance!" TIR jiggled around. His motions were only slightly less sporadic than his sudden electrocution.
Phlip-Phlop sighed and walked toward one of her high-tech boxes. "I need to re-calibrate the base's food storage. Something about it keeps making the food warm instead of cold. Just... stay out of my way."
"Of course, Master." The robot saluted before continuing his solo dance.
Bon Bon was on a mission; she was sure about it. The foreign scream, the cyborg visitor, and even the clinically insane hippogryph... it all added up. Aliens were going to try to take over Equestria. She wouldn't let that happen. She had to stop them!
That was why she was creeping in a fake bush disguise. It fooled any pony that ever looked her way. The thing even hid her while she was inside a building with no plant life whatsoever. She was certain it was fool-proof, and aliens were the kings of fools. All she needed was a bit of common bacteria to break their invisible force fields.
As she was slowly making her way along the dirt road, she made several sudden stops. Nobody on the right and nobody on the left could see through her brilliant disguise. The fact that there wasn't actually anyone along the road didn't disprove her assumption. She mentally retorted a "shut up" to an unspoken counter-argument.
She could see it now: a No-Bell Peace Prize for the shelf, a Pink Heart of Courage to wear around her neck, and a proud Lyra to also wear around her neck. Exploration beyond the stars would have funds and be given resources to purge the alien invaders at their source. She could finally drop the charade of her secret identity and live a normal, happy retirement. She could-
*Bonk!*
... slam face-first against a glass wall.
Bon Bon fell onto her back while rubbing her now sore muzzle. She did a double-take at what was in front of her, or rather what wasn't in front of her. A bit more slowly this time, she reached out a hoof in front of herself. Upon making contact with an invisible wall that felt like a window, she smirked. Her head ducked down into her bush disguise and she shuffled the leaves around.
When she popped back out, she pulled out a small knife-like tool. It had little sharp points on either side. After giving a good press into the invisible wall, she got to work cutting a hole. The sound of her cutting imitated a bone saw against a wooden board. She couldn't help chuckling at her progress.
Once she was done cutting, she pressed her hoof hard against the cut-out. It fell over, leaving a hole just large enough for her to trot through. Upon stepping onto the other side of the wall, the scenery didn't look very different from the path she was on, save for one detail. She dashed over behind a tree and peeked around.
Sure enough, there was a screen of ginormous proportions sitting in the middle of a clearing. Below that, were control pads of a weird pattern configuration. Some metal boxes were connected by wires and pipes off to the side. Shuffling through one of those boxes was-
An alien! Bon Bon mentally cheered before shaking her head and covering her mouth. Can't celebrate yet. Need to detain that alien before saving Equestria can be assured. She pulled out a capped tool and extended the fiber wire from it, tightly grasping it between her front hooves.
Phlip-Phlop turned her wrench among various bolts on her food storage box. She was half-tempted to set the box's temperature to "hot" just to get it out of "lukewarm". However, the other half reasoned that setting fire to her food supply would cause more problems, such as starting a fire and attracting unwanted life form intruders. Sighing, she held the box between two of her mechanical legs while continuing to make small twists of her wrench here and there.
A rustling noise shuffled behind her. She jerked her head around. There was nothing there, at least as far as anyone else from the Irken Empire would've been able to detect. It was just her convulsing/dancing robot, her computer, and herself in this area. She went back to tightening bolts with the wrench in her gloved hand.
She heard a similar noise again. Yet when she looked a second time, there was still nothing there. Although... she wasn't entirely sure this planet could sprout a random off-colored bush in such a short time. When she returned to her task, she made the wrench noises slower and more deliberate.
Phlip-Phlop armed her unlimited blaster and shot a fiber wire just before it could get anywhere around her face. A female creature's voice yelped in pain as the Invader turned on her heel. She scoffed through her zipper-shaped teeth and raised herself on all four of her metallic legs.
"Puny life-form." She pointed at the bush that was mere inches from where she was just standing. "Did you honestly think that pitiful attempt could ever work on me?"
A cream-colored mare with blue and pink swirls for a mane flopped out of the bush with a moan. "You know... for a second there... yeah. I kind of did."
"Since you've managed to amuse me with your inferior intellect, I'll let you in on a little secret." Phlip-Phlop lowered her metallic legs just enough for her two boots to touch the ground. "I've been trained to counter assassination and hunting tactics from countless species over the last one hundred and twenty years alone... longer than you've been alive, I'm guessing."
"I don't know what your end goal is, but you're not going to take Equestria!" The pony shook while she tried to stare the alien down with ferocity. Without fangs and red eyes, it was an insult to truly ferocious animals.
"Perhaps you're right." Phlip-Phlop's blaster lowered right above the pony's head. "At this time, I'm leaning toward destroying this planet. I haven't decided yet."
"You think destroying me will be the same as destroying the planet?" The pony smiled, despite the fear still shaking in her eyes. "There are ponies way stronger than me in this world. Even if you beat me, you'll have to answer to the rest of them."
"All in due time... what was your name again?" The Irken raised the area above her eye plate that would imitate a brow.
The pony frowned. "Dani Darling."
"Fine then." Phlip-Phlop shrugged. "Don't be honest with me. It's not my job to carve grave markers anyway."
The pony jumped with a rising uppercut. Her hoof collided with nothing but an "X" of Phlip-Phlop's gloved hands. Smiling calmly, the Irken fired her blaster. The pony ducked, losing a few of her mane hairs to the blast. Her bush disguise was ignited by the energy and melted to the ground.
"Ha! You missed!" The pony jeered.
Sparks and bolts raced around the pony, causing her mane to stand on end. With a dumbfounded smile, the mare leaned over and collapsed on her back. Her hooves twitched uncontrollably while a small cloud of gray smoke rose. Phlip-Phlop turned to see her dancing robot, devoid of the punishment shock she dealt him earlier.
"Aw, drat." TIR lamented. "I thought for sure she'd be perfect for a dance partner."
"I didn't realize you could weaponize yourself like that." Phlip-Phlop crossed her arms in a resting posture.
"It was your taser, ma'am." TIR bowed politely. "I simply repurposed it at the last minute."
"Well, looks like you owe me." Phlip-Phlop's PAK legs carried her over before shrinking and letting her sit down in the computer desk chair. "How about you start by disposing of the garbage you fried?"
"Certainly, ma'am!" TIR saluted before promptly hugging the unconscious pony like a giant stuffed toy and dragging it away.
"Computer!" Phlip-Phlop's fingers danced along a panel. "Reinforce the concealment dome. We don't need more pests."
Understood. A couple programming equations flashed along the screen before the hole in the invisible wall closed up and sealed seamlessly.
Bon Bon groaned and rubbed a hoof against her head. She shook off the dizziness before slowly pulling herself onto all fours. Looking around, she took a note that she was deep in the Everfree Forest. She could tell by how dark it was, even with the occasional spot of sunlight. But why was she here of all places?
She thought hard about what had happened. The last she recalled, she had done some research on her recent alien evidence. She then took off to perform a preemptive operation to save Equus. However, everything after that seemed to be blocked by a blur. She chuckled to herself. Such a memory wipe only vindicated her belief that an alien was responsible for messing with her head.
There was a series of growls. Bon Bon looked around the shady foliage. She was surrounded by glowing yellow eyes. A pack of timberwolves pawed their way into view. One of them howled while the rest got in postures ready to pounce.
Bon Bon spat to the side. "I don't have time for this."
The alpha timberwolf showed no interest in Bon Bon's schedule. It made the first attack by opening its mouth wide open and pouncing at the pony. Bon Bon made a sweeping motion with her body and used her back hoof to launch the timberwolf over herself. It ended up landing upside-down on top of two other timberwolves, crashing all three into scattered twigs.
Two of the remaining pack mates did not appreciate the damage and retaliated. They sprang after their prey at the same time. Their combined weight was enough to hold the pony down, pinning her hooves at uncomfortable angles. She struggled, but couldn't get out.
A torch flew out of nowhere and landed on top of a timberwolf's back. The flame ignited its wooden spine and caused it to yelp. Upon seeing the fire, the rest of the pack whined and whimpered as they scattered. Bon Bon tried to stand back up. One of her hind legs snapped and she winced at the resulting pain.
"Bon Bon!" A familiar face hugged around her neck before acting as a makeshift support.
"I thought you weren't coming." Bon Bon chuckled.
"Listen, Best Friend." Lyra gave her full eye contact. "You may be a weirdo, but you're my weirdo. Nothing is going to mess with that. Now come along. We're getting you out of this forest."
"But the alien's still out there!" Bon Bon flinched as her bad leg hit a tree root.
"What good is fighting any kind of bad guy if you aren't in the best possible condition?" Lyra conjured a pair of magic hands both to light up their position and to move debris out of the way along the path. "Right now, you need proper rest, and probably some decent food if there's time."
"I..." Bon Bon exhaled. "You're right."
"Darn right, I'm right!" Lyra pulled her friend along the path into more familiar scenery.
Author's Note
Still trucking along.