Help! I'm Trapped in a Shipping Card Game!

by Belgerum

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee, Dark, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 2489

What are you doing? Stop scrolling and get me out of here! HELP!!!

For Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder Fanfic And Fanart Contest.

Cheerilee awakens in a strange place, unaware of just whom she has angered, and the price she has to pay for her crimes against the depraved master of shipping.
Unfortunately for her, she has a long chain of horrific consequences in store.

This card game made me feel violated. Trying to imagine being trapped in a card like Cheerilee during a game was even worse. I love it, I hate it, and I can't resist writing a fic about it.

I hope this helps you distinguished folk experience the depravity just like I did.

Oh and while you're at it, go write your own wonderfully insane fics for this contest. Everyone knows that such a heinous crime as creating a game like that can only be punished with bad fanfics.

Do it, filly. They deserve it. Also, I might find it amusing to read when I find it.

Published 2014-06-23 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-23 06:30:01 UTC

What are you doing? Stop reading and get me out of here! HELP!!!

"Okay then. For my turn, I'll play 'Best Foalsitter Cadence' with 'Fanfic Author Twilight' using 'No Brakes on the Love Train'. Then, I'll use 'Star Student Twilight' and 'Time for an Experiment!' to pair Cadence with two versions of Twilight, winning me the first goal card, 'It's Not EXACTLY Cheating'."

That voice...

Cheerilee awoke, sitting up on her haunches as she opened her eyes to see a strange world around her. Everything was white, except for the small, grey shadows that defined the corners of the boxed-in space.

"W-where... am I?"

"Now, I'll end my turn. I'll take two points from completing the goal, and we'll draw another goal card."

"Okay, Twilight. Let's see... 'Sadfic?' How in Equestria did you come up with these cards?"

"Shut up Spike, and help me playtest."

She knew those voices... But yet, while the words resonated in her head, she could not see the face of anypony in the bleak, confined space she found herself in.

"Twilight? Spike? C-can you hear me?"

She called out to them, hoping that they could hear, and perhaps tell her just what had happened, and where she was...

But the voices ignored her, continuing on about whatever they were talking about before.

"...and then B.B.B.F.F Shining Armor goes with Discord, using 'They're at it again,' giving me the first male/male pairing I need, and then Discord's ability lets me..."

Trotting curiously to the edge of the white space, Cheerilee prodded at the blank wall with a hoof. It felt smooth, almost perfectly so... but it was also solid, unyielding to her touch. All six sides to this cubic prison seemed to be made like this, completely unbreakable with bare hooves. The earth pony mare found her heartbeat pounding quicker, and her mind racing in confusion.

"What is this... Why am I..."

"Let's see, I think that's all for my turn. Now, let me draw some more pony cards..."

Suddenly, the wall in front of Cheerilee fell away, the white wall of material shifting. Though she could feel the floor beneath her remain solid, the side in front of her released, leaving the prison with an open side...

The next thing Cheerilee saw was Twilight Sparkle's face, as the cubic prison was levitated by a magical aura close to the purple unicorn's grinning features.

"T-twilight..." Cheerilee muttered in surprise.

The mare's face was huge! Twilight's horn glowed, as her titanic figure rose high above the small, confined space. Behind her, Cheerilee could see parts of the library treehouse that Twilight called home, but it was all so grandiose, as if the entire world around the prison had been rebuilt in gigantic proportions.

Either that or...

Cheerilee shuddered, considering the possibilities. Whether the library was now giant, or she was shrunk, the world around her was new and strange. Even if she couldn't be her rightful size, she'd rather be in Equestria than stuck in some white box.

She reached out towards Twilight with a hoof, ready to jump out into the library.

As though a clear pane of glass separated her from the outside world, her hoof met resistance as soon as she lifted it.

"No..." Cheerilee murmured. Banging frantically against the invisible wall separating her from the outside world, she couldn't manage to even make a dent. What kind of magic is this? No matter how hard she battered it with her hooves, it just wouldn't give way...

"Okay, let's draw another goal card... huh? 'Help! I'm trapped inside a shipping card game?' That's a strange name for a card, and it doesn't even give you any points..."

As soon as Spike said it, Cheerilee realized just where she was, and why she couldn't seem to escape this blank prison, only being able to see the outside world through a small window.

"I'm trapped inside a card game..."

No... this couldn't be true! Dozens of questions swarmed her mind as it reeled at the prospect. Who in Equestria would be so evil as to do such a thing to her, and why? What had she ever done to deserve this, and most pressingly, what horrible fate awaited her when her card was played?

Terrified and scared, Cheerilee screamed out at Twilight, hoping beyond reason that she could be heard.

"Answer me, Twilight! Please let me out of here! I don't know what's going on, but you have to help me!"

Despite her protests, however, Twilight does not acknowledge Cheerilee's presence, instead choosing to continue her conversation with Spike as if she had never been interrupted.

"Don't worry, it's just a joke."

"I dunno Twilight, it seems a little mean-spirited to joke about somepony you know being trapped in a card game... Especially one like this."

"Whatever. Just play your cards, Spike."

Hearing this, Cheerilee broke down into a teary, sobbing mess. They couldn't hear her. It sounded like neither of them knew she was even there, forced into this strange game they were playing.

As Spike played his cards over the course of his turn, Cheerilee curled up into a ball, weeping as she lamented her fate.

"W-why me..." she said, confused and scared. "I-I'm just a teacher who loves making foals smile... Where did I go wrong?"

She would never receive the answer.

"Okay then, My turn."

Twilight's voice boomed through the confined space, as she felt the room outside fall back, onto what she could only assume was the playing table.

"I'll play Cheerilee onto Octavia with the 'Private Show' card, winning me that goal..."

As soon as her card hit the face of the table and into position, the white room around Cheerilee began to change, the one window to the outside world vanishing as the world began to blur, color joining in with the mass of white to form a mess of shapes that only vaguely resembled a setting...

Then, the shapes began to reform around Cheerilee, and she saw that she had somehow, magically been moved to a strange new location.

Before the confused mare rose a small stage, red curtains falling in a formal display behind the wooden platform.

There, under a spotlight, was the figure of Octavia, the famous cellist, wearing a simple, yet elegant pink bow-tie. She bowed, standing with her large, wooden instrument, ready to play.

Cheerilee had a love of music, and respected the profession quite highly, but she knew something wasn't quite right about this scene...

Then, Octavia lifted her bow to the strings, looking directly at Cheerilee with half-closed, seductive eyes, and a mischievous smile.

"I hope you enjoy my... 'private show'..."

Blushing madly, Cheerilee found herself at a lack for words as the elegant mare began playing.

Wait a moment... Cheerilee thought, I know this song... What was it called again? "I love the way you make me feel," or something equally cheesy?

As the mare played on the stage, Cheerilee couldn't help but notice just how personal this moment felt, even if it was forced. The hall was lit with the soft glow of candles... The entire room smelt of lavender, giving it a homey, warm feel... The song was romantic, picked exclusively for her, as the cellist played, eyeing her expression with satisfaction as she swayed her hips tauntingly behind the instrument...

Wait, what? Cheerilee knew for a fact that wasn't how you play the cello...

Oh my...

Cheerilee could have sworn that her jaw was on the ground, dropped past the point of recovery, as her face turned bright red, but still, she couldn't bring herself to look away for a moment. The performance was so seductive... so lovely... Cherilee could feel something deep inside of her call out, fluttering in her heart as this mare performed just for her.

And Cheerilee wasn't even into mares!

What is going on with me... The teacher couldn't help but think. Is this game affecting me? Am I being... shipped with this mare? Why? What kind of card game is this?!

As if on cue, a gigantic, looming voice boomed from seemingly all directions, interrupting the music as Octavia played...

"And Pony Joe's ability will let me swap out Octavia for Trixie..."

Before she knew what was happening, Cheerilee watched as Octavia disappeared, fading into the background. The swirl of color then began to reform, this time into the shape of a blue mare, wearing a decorative cape and hat adorned with bright stars.

"Behold!" The newcomer bellows as she sends sparks flying from her magical horn. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived to give you a private show!"

Cheerilee could only gawk as Trixie sent a dramatic flare of fireworks into the blurry sky above, before looking down on the single member of her audience.

"For her first trick, The Great Trixie shall make her clothes... DISAPPEAR!"

"No no no no no NO NO NO!" Cheerilee screamed, her voice failing to stop Trixie, as her cape suddenly vanished in a shower of sparks, and Trixie turned herself around, showing off the body she had hidden beneath. Cheerilee had to admit that Trixie had a lovely, toned flank, but seeing it flaunted so brazenly was too much for her, forcing her to hide her innocent eyes behind her foreleg, unable to watch much more.

"Oh, but this is just the beginning!" Trixie gloated. "Trixie can make more than just a cape disappear... She can also do tongues! If I might have a volunteer from the audience..."

Cheerilee was tempted to take up that offer much more than she would care to admit.

Silently, she cursed this card game for toying with her emotions. Just what would be next? Who could be worse than this awkwardly forward show-off?

Again, her thoughts seemed to be answered just as they found their way into her head.

"And with that ability, I can switch Cheerilee over here..."

Again, the world dissipated around Cheerilee, only to reform into an unfamiliar setting.

Lying in a soft, cushy bed, Cheerilee could feel two warm bodies on either side of her, sharing the same sleeping area.

What did I do last night? the mare found herself thinking, almost as if the thought had been driven forcefully into her brain.

To her great horror, she suddenly felt a old, wrinkled hoof wrap around her shoulders, pulling her to the one side.

"Ah... C'mere young'un... Oh... What a lovely body you've got..."

Cheerilee was in bed with Granny Smith.

If she weren't already panicking, she would have screamed right at that moment. Instead, she backed away towards the opposite side of the bed, though she was unable to escape the old pony's other hoof, which she could feel running over the smiling flowers on her flank...

This is wrong... This is very wrong... she thought, pulling herself ever further away from the grabby granny.

Until, of course, she bumped against another warm body.

"Agh!" came a familiar voice, though Cheerilee most certainly didn't want to remember. "Watch it, Cheerilee dear. You wouldn't want to hurt the baby, would you?"

As Cherilee turned, she saw one of the most horrifying images she had ever seen.

Discord, the supreme god of chaos, was lying next to her, fluttering his eyelashes as he pats her on the shoulder, a huge, undeniable bulge in his stomach.

"Baby?" she asked. "W-whose baby?"

The draconequus only winked back at her.

"Why, yours of course!"

"What?!" Cheerilee exclaimed in a panic. "How?... That... WHAT?!"

Discord grinned, before rolling over in bed to face away from Cheerilee.

"Chaos," he said simply.

This didn't exactly answer the mare's question, but she wasn't sure if she wanted a more specific answer than that.

As another gnarled hoof began to grab at her tail, Cheerilee easily decided that this was indeed much worse than being seduced by Trixie.

As she swatted away Granny Smith's advances, she heard the voices again, and she prayed she was going to be spirited away from this place soon...

"My move then? Okay. I guess I'll just attach Zecora to Cheerilee, with the rule 63 card..."

Suddenly, there was another presence in the bed, just behind Cheerilee, so close that she could feel the newcomer's decidedly male hips against the back of her flank.

"Oh, Cheerilee! This is unexpected! How nice of you to join us all in bed! I must also say, you're looking quite fine, and I'd love to try out these new assets of mine..."

Cheerilee screamed.

Twilight smiled as she gathered up all of the cards, putting them in their respective piles, and pulled them together for storage. The game had been very good fun, just as she'd anticipated. It was her game after all. Anything less than perfection would be unbecoming of her.

Over the course, she had amused herself with the hilarious concepts of her friends and acquaintances being pulled together by fate in the most awkward ways. And best of all, she knew that somehow, Cheerilee had been a part of the madness. Though the image of the teacher on the playing card did not change over the course of the game, she had made it almost a point to purposefully mess with the card, even though she was unsure the real cheerilee would feel the effects.

She felt satisfied with the results, regardless. She had paired Cheerilee up with almost every pony in the deck, in every pairing situation she could think of. She had swapped her gender to male, changed her species, made her get together with a changeling disguised as herself... Every humiliating thing she could possibly have done with that card had been played out in some manner.

Laughing out loud in a way that could almost be described as maniacal, she placed the sorted cards on top of her desk, where they would wait until she decided to play with them again.

...Then again, if she really wanted to make that insolent teacher suffer...

Changing her mind, she reopened the game, picking out the Cheerilee card and a few others, and placed them down on the corner of her desk, as if four of the cards had made pairs with Cheerilee. She wasn't sure what it was like, trapped in the universe of the cards, but she could only assume that pairing her up with other cards wasn't enjoyable, even if it wasn't in the middle of a game. Satisfied with her choices, she left the cards there, Cheerilee's blank expression on the card face unmoving as Twilight made to leave the room.

"Oh Cheerilee..." Twilight whispered to herself, "you just had to go so far as to invite my brother to your classroom for 'career day.' I know exactly what you were trying to do! Now, you'll never be able to seduce my brother, or step between him and me..."

"But who knows? Maybe you'll find true love after all! Hahahahaha!"