Cell

by Levitating Piez

Rating: everyone
Tags: DJ P0N-3, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 3697

When a girl tired of algebra homework finds a confused unicorn in the woods, she will stop at nothing to get her and her friend back home.

When a girl tired of algebra homework finds a confused unicorn in the woods, she will stop at nothing to get her and her friend back home. Almost nothing. Oh, and she's greatly helped by a nice string of coincidences.

Published 2014-06-22 21:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-24 21:33:31 UTC

Cell and the string of coincidences

I groaned, irritated, kneading my throbbing head. I hated algebra. Scratch that, I thoroughly despised it. The end of my pencil was already chewed up and mangled with hours of rubbing out useless answers and failed calculations. Homework sucked. Instead of trying helplessly to complete my worksheets, I could be catching up with the My Little Pony episodes I had missed! I was so stupid, forgetting about my homework and letting it lay, crumpled, in the bottom of my bag. A thought bounced around in the back of my head, oh yeah; I had to take out the rubbish. With a heavy sigh I jogged downstairs, picked the bin-bag up from the kitchen floor and threw it carelessly into the bin in the back garden, then began walking back to the house, dreading the books of math awaiting me. The air was pleasantly cool and refreshing out there compared to the stuffiness of my room. A breeze blew from the forest behind our house; I could hear the trees rustling lazily, enticing me to come closer. I figured I could take a break from burning my brain down to a smoking stump and decided to have a stroll in the woods to take my mind off of the homework I had piling up.

I knew every little twist and turn of the forest from years of exploring every nook and cranny. It wasn't too big, but when I was younger I had got lost countless numbers of times, even if for only five minutes. Shadows stretched across the bracken, leaves drifted downwards to meet the ground. I took in peacefulness. It was a calming change. As I ventured further into the woods, I felt like it was a little bigger than before, but perhaps that was just my usual paranoia. Ugh, I needed to lay off the creepypastas. By a clump of trees I noticed a gentle movement and a few leaves leaping into the air. Whatever it was, it was relatively large. Not quite big enough to be an adult human, but maybe it was a lost child? Or a dog, perhaps? I took a few cautious steps towards whatever it was. Then I realized: it was a pony, an honest to Celestia pony! I gasped; heart feeling like it was lodged in my throat. I was instantly convinced I was just having one of my insanely weird fangirl dreams, after reading too many fanfics. That and eating too many sugar-loaded cookies, one of my greatest weaknesses.

Her glacier blue eyes met mine, startled. “I-I’m sorry, is this your forest? I’ll be on my way in a moment, but could you tell me if you know the way to Ponyville?” she murmured softly, shaking leaves off of her white coat and vibrant mane.

“N-no, it’s no trouble at all,” I stuttered, trembling and blinking rapidly, trying to wake up. The unicorn gave me a strange and bemused look.

“I’m Cell,” she introduced herself, stepping forward shyly. She almost reminded me of Flutter Shy.

“My name’s Beatrix. And…well…how did you get here?” I asked, having accepted the fact that this wasn't a dream.

“Pinkie Pie was messing around with portals, like she does, and one happened to work. I was only picking up some cupcakes, but I got transported here. I don’t remember much after that.
“I woke up a few minutes ago. Twilight told me of beings who look like you. You’re a human, right?” I nodded. “Do you think there’s any way to get to Equestria again?” Cell sighed, pacing anxiously, a look of panic on her face.

“Well…my friend is attempting to make a portal to Equestria. I don’t know if it will work though.” When my friend had told me he was going to make a portal to Equestria, I had, admittedly, laughed in his face and excitement, but now that I saw a unicorn standing before me I was prepared to believe anything. Maybe even that Justin Bieber might make a decent song, or Miley Cyrus might stop obnoxiously sticking her tongue out. Maybe not that though.

“He’s only a short drive away, hop in the car and I’ll take you to his,” I said, motioning towards the driveway. Cell squinted, brow furrowed.

“Car...? Drive…?” she uttered. Oh right, they don’t have cars in Equestria, I thought, mentally face-palming.

“I promise it’ll be fine,” I assured her, as soothingly as possible without sounding like a weirdo. I then noticed her cutie-mark, a blue triangle, a red circle and a green square. Cell saw me staring and explained.

“I make paintings from shapes and such. Also, I can create them in the air, it’s an unusual magic to say the least.” Her face screwed up in intense concentration and her horn began fizzing with a pink-red energy. Three shapes, a circle, a square and a triangle appeared, pulsing with bright neon colours. It resembled her cutie-mark. As quickly as they came, the shapes faded out. If I closed my eyes, I could still see their after-images in the blackness. Cell flopped to the floor, tired. After awkwardly helping her up, which isn't as easy as you’d think it would be, we got into the car and began to drive. The belt had been difficult to get around Cell, but somehow, we’d managed in the end.

I was still getting used to driving around, so the journey was bumpy and uncertain. Until suddenly… “STOP!” Cell screeched from behind me. I slammed my foot against the breaks, heart pounding. I was lucky it was a Sunday, there wasn't anyone around to see the pony bounding out of the car and kneeling down beside a pink lump on the road. “Pinkie Pie!” Cell cried, nudging the motionless pony with her muzzle, her head just shy of the bonnet of the car.

“What?” Pinkie muttered, the energy drained from her voice.

“Oh, thank Celestia you’re ok!” Cell and I simultaneously breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, hey guys! I didn't think my portal would work, but oh my Gosh, it did, and Cell, I’m super-duper uper sorry for taking you here too. It was my bad!” Pinkie’s voice was once again hyper and cheery, which was good, but it was already making my head hurt.

“I’m Beatrix,” I said with a smile, glad Pinkie was alright.

“That’s a cool name! Y’know, I've never heard of that name before, but maybe it’s just a human name? Do you know any Pinkie’s? ‘Cause if you did it’d be totally awesome!” Pinkie babbled like a brook, scarcely drawing breath.

“I…don’t. But I imagine you want to get back to Equestria, right?” I tried to keep my eyes on Pinkie, who was springing up and down uncontrollably.

“Yeah, I miss Twi, Applejack, Dashie, Rarity and Shy soooo much!” she gabbled, scrambling into the back of the car and buckling up with surprising ease. There were a lot of unanswered questions about Pinkie Pie, and this was one of them.

“Well come on, slowpokes!” she giggled bobbing up and down crazily. Absent-mindedly, I wondered what would happen if someone gave her a can of energy-drink. I was grateful for the nearly completely empty streets today. I did a quick thank-you to whatever was causing all of these convenient coincidences. Hastily, I got into the car and lurched off down the road, just as the sky decided to begin spitting rain and clouds swarmed together in menacing grey clumps. Thank-you oh so much, coincidences.

Author's Note

Hey, hope you like it! Sorry for the terrible cover -_- Bleh, I'm not the best of artists.

The concert that made my ears bleed, no lie

Author's Note

Sorry to any Justin Bieber fans. Just be warned. I will try to make these chapters longer, but for now, I am tired.

The concert that made my ears bleed, no lie

My ears rang with the high-pitched tone of Pinkie Pie’s voice. I swore I’d probably be hearing those same garbled, unintelligible words tomorrow. Even Cell was discreetly wincing, despite all of the constant nonsense from Pinkie she’d had to put up with in the past. The almost-silence, save for the patter of rain against the roof, was unnerving. I didn't know what it was, but I felt an immensely uneasy sensation in the pit of my stomach. Then, out of the almost-silence, came a faint, almost inaudible whistling noise from behind us.

“What is that?” Cell asked, her voice quavering uncertainly.

“I don’t…”
The sound was swelling and growing until it became a roaring chorus of hyper voices, similar to Pinkie’s. “JUSTIN, JUSTIN, JUSTIN!” A massive wave of fans was surging down the road, leaving a path of utter destruction behind them. Upturned bins, scattered traffic cones and flyers trodden into the ground strewn all around the street. I recognized the face grinning arrogantly on the front of it, labelled with two bold, undeniable words. Justin Bieber. Like the complete scatter-brain I was, I had forgotten about the concert being held at the theater in town.
Suddenly, I felt an unnerving jolt in the car. We were being lifted up by the crowd! My eyes widened larger than I had thought possible for me, even wider than the time I first heard One Direction. And my eyes grew so large, I probably looked like a manga character. “Wh-who’s Justin?” Cell stuttered, a look of genuine terror in her eyes as the car rumbled forwards.

“He’s this guy who makes songs,” I explained, gulping down my fear.

“Like…Vinyl Scratch?” Pinkie offered, scrambling forward to squeeze her head between the front seats.
“No,” I yelled, struggling to be heard over the screaming down below “she actually makes decent music.”
It didn't actually take too long to arrive at the theater. Those fans were either mutant alien creatures, or their passionate love for Justin Bieber had fueled them on to haul a car into the air. Wow. With a painfully loud thud, we fell to the floor of the theater. It was broken by the plush red carpet lining the floor. Or maybe that was one of the fans that had been left behind. I didn't want to stay around to find out. Pinkie still seemed cheery, despite having experienced a terrifying trip. Her tolerance amazed me frequently.

“Hey, I wanna hear the music too!” she whined, staring longingly at the closed door.

“I dunno, Pinkie…” I began, but before I could continue, she had already plunged through the doors with an amazing strength and was springing around, disturbing the teens and adults alike. The stage in there was illuminated by searing white and purple lights; I was surprised that Justin wasn't blinded by them. His unbearable voice vibrated around the room.

“Hey my Beliebers! Are you ready for some music?” he shouted, to be met with the deafening response of hundreds of united fans, desperately trying to attract his attention. The song began pounding out of huge speakers the size of boulders while the popstar lip synced the words, slipping up several times. I cringed, dropping to my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt as if my ears were dripping with blood, they hurt so much. Pinkie’s hair and tail deflated and her mane flattened against her ears, eye beginning to twitch maddeningly. I could sense the annoyance radiating off of her, concerned that perhaps Pinkiemena was going to present herself. Cell was beginning to whimper, lips puckered into a grimace. At that moment, an explosion sounded.
Smoke cleared, rubble crumbled to the floor and a shadowy figure appeared at a turntable. My eyes focused and I gaped.

“Vinyl Scratch!” I whispered in rapture and awe.

“Thank Celestia,” I heard Cell murmur, a breath of relief escaping her lips. Vinyl surveyed the mass of humans wailing mournfully and reaching out towards the stage, trying to save their idol, which was helplessly trapped under a mound of concrete. She obviously thought they were here for music, and she was right, but not the kind she played. Then she put on the dubstep, and Pinkie’s hair puffed right back up.

Wubs shook the building to its roots. I could feel it pulsing beneath my feet, almost shaking me to the ground. Pinkie and Cell wobbled around the floor, their hooves slipping and sliding around. Vinyl had flipped her goggles over her eyes, to enhance the magic of the base rumbling throughout the theater.

“VINYL!” Pinkie squawked, waving her fore-legs around like a windmill to try and catch the DJ’s eye, which was bobbing her head to the beat. I thought her attempts would be useless, but I was wrong. Somehow, through the dubstep, Vinyl had noticed Pinkie’s frantic waving and began galloping towards us, leaving the fans to croon over their beloved Justin. I almost felt sorry for him; he would at least be missing his jacket by the time he awoke. If he did awake, that was.

Vinyl gave a friendly nod towards Pinkie and Cell and looked inquisitively at me. “Beatrix,” I grinned, viewing the chaos that Discord would proud of. I didn't want to be here when the cops arrived, and judging by the noise we were making, someone would definitely be dialing, probably at this exact moment. “Uhm…I hate to spoil the tender moment, but it will probably be best if we escape before the cops come and see Justin passed out on the floor,” I interrupted them, starting for the door.

“Yeah, ‘cause Mr. and Mrs. Cake would be super disappointed in me if I got into a big trouble that this might cause!” Pinkie stressed, looking worried. It looked as if Pinkie had never seen the inside of a prison before.

“I second that, let’s get going,” Cell decided, following me in close pursuit, and Vinyl seemed to silently agree, because she tagged along. I was surprised that the car had avoided most of the serious damage and was only coated in a layer of dust that sent me into a sneezing fit. We all boarded the car. I hoped I wouldn't find any more ponies; the car was starting to get a little cramped. The drive, for the most part, was uneventful, apart from a few literal bumps in the road. Apparently, the explosion had cause random pieces of debris to soar away and dent the tarmac. Portals were… more powerful than I had thought.

“Heya, Vinyl, what was it like in the portal? Do you remember anything from it? Because my mind has just gone BLANK! I’m real sorry for any trouble I caused, I mean, with you having so many adoring ponies and stuff!” Pinkie rambled, her mouth working at one hundred miles per hour. Vinyl just replied with a shrug and a forgiving smile. Somehow, she had managed to salvage a dusty CD of hers, so she slotted it into the music player, probably to relieve some of our pent up tension. Instantly, dubstep blasted through the car, making it jump across the road in fits and bursts. Just like any normal day.

Revenge of Justin Bieber

As we rounded the corner, the rain clouds began to lighten their downpour until the rain was so fine and grey, you could barely even see it. I sighed at the wheel, leaning backwards slightly. My legs were aching from running from the crushed theater and my lungs burnt with the dust sifting through the car. There are those dumb things people say when they think things couldn't get any weirder. That…was what I said. “Well, today couldn't get any weirder.” Then the crash, the thump, the groan.

After meeting three ponies today, I could guess what it was. I was wrong. Spike sat there, in a daze with bags of rubbish spilled and scattered around him. "What happened…?” he groaned, rubbing a deep purple bruise on his head at the base of his scales.

“Bet you ten bits he fell through one of Pinkie’s portals,” Cell exclaimed boldly.
“
You ok, Spike?” I asked, unwinding my window and poking my head through the gap.

“How do you know my name?!” Spike squawked, turning to Pinkie, and then gasping. “Did…did this human kidnap you?!”

“No way, she’s cool! She helped me out of an awful concert, along with Cell and Vinyl, and now she’s practically risking her whole life just to get us back home!”

“W-what?! Who said anything about me risking my life?!” I butted in.

“Can I trust her?” Spike questioned warily, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Yeah, totally!”
Spike gave a reluctant sigh, then scrabbled for the door and managed to pull himself up into the passenger seat. I muffled a laugh at how ridiculously short he was, fixated my eyes on the road and set off.

“Any of you want a peppermint?” I offered, humming under my breath.

“If a stranger in a car offers you candy aren't you meant to…like…kick them and run away?” Spike said, in the most serious of tones.

“I guess that’s a no then.”
The ride was surprisingly quiet and calm. Vinyl was listening to her beats, Cell stared out of the window, and Pinkie beat boxed along to the dubstep. I arrived at the street of my friend and smiled as we parked up. The three ponies and one small dragon followed me up to the door. I rang the bell with a grin, eagerly anticipating the shock and disbelief that would be painted across my friend’s face. There was a long, painful pause. Stubbornly, like the camel I am, I pressed the bell with all my force and tilted my head against the wall, gritting my teeth, irritated.

“TOO BUSY READING FANFICTION!” came a stifled call from the upstairs floor.

“I've got new pony merchandise,” I replied casually, smirking confidently.

“ONE SECOND!” There was the clatter of headphones against a desk, then the thudding noise of a teenager racing downstairs. The door swung open to reveal my friend, glasses askew on his nose, his hair rumpled and fluffy.

“Hey, where’s the pony stu…ff…”
My friend (John) took one look at the ponies beside me, and then fixed me with a cold stare. He fainted clean away.
A few minutes later, John woke up, glasses illuminated with the lamplight. I had arranged him on the sofa with his limbs splayed out and head tilted to the left. The ponies stood awkwardly around, unsure of what to do in a situation like this. I didn't blame them. They were in a stranger’s house with a human they’d only met a few hours ago. Meanwhile, Spike had raided John’s candy stash and was demolishing every wrapped good in sight. I rolled my eyes. John yawned as if he had been taking a pleasant nap or something relaxing like that.

“What sorts of drugs were you hiding on you to make me see a pony, standing at my front door?”

“There were no drugs, Pinkie Pie is still here.”

“This is…just a fanboy dream, right?”

“Eenope.”
John gave a tired sigh and flopped onto the cushions. “Hey there, figment of my imagination,” he greeted Cell, plastering a smile onto his face “What’s your name?”

“…Cell.” Cell gave John an even weirder look than she had given me.

“Right, right. Aw, wait, what, SPIKE! C’mon man, that’s my candy!”

“Was,” Spike corrected him, swallowing the remainders, wrappers and all.

“Look, John, these ponies need to get home. They just got spat out of a portal that Pinkie made,” Pinkie bared her teeth in a proud grin “and you’re pretty much the only one that can help! You’re the one creating the portal! The Elements of Harmony depend on you. Ponyville’s cupcakes depend on you. EQUESTRIA’S DUBSTEP DEPENDS ON YOU! Uhm…Rarity’s fanmail depends on you. Spike sends, like, all of it.”

“WHAT?” Spike’s head flipped out of the candy dish where he had been trying to, in vain, scrape up the crumbs of sweets stuck to it.

“The pressure is too much!” John wailed mouth wide open in a silent scream. Why had he ever even agreed to be my friend?

“Come on, we believe in you, John! You can do it!” Pinkie sang, twirling her for-hooves around and performing a complicated dance.

“Uh…yeah, you can do it John,” Cell cheered flatly, keeping her eyes on a shelf of books. Vinyl was too absorbed in sorting through a selection of CDs to contribute to our conversation.

“Fine. But…don’t touch anything. Or mess up my Pokémon game; I’m on the last gym!”
Cell surveyed the room. It was full to the brim of the usual geeky stuff you would expect from a stereotype like my friend. Then, we came up to a swirling pink thing on the west wall. “There it is,” John said proudly. “I don’t know if it works though yet, it just randomly began swirling like that a couple of hours ago, but I hid under my bed. Just to make sure it didn't explode or anything.” I let off an exasperated puff of air.

“Y’know guys, I've had a fun time, vandalizing and destroying a theater and nearly killing one of the world’s most popular singers. We should do this again sometime, but for now, it’s adios from me.” After I had spoken, we all heard a cracking noise from the opposite wall. The thin, ominous lines grew rapidly thicker and longer, stretching across the wall until it collapsed in a pile of cement and bricks. I’d seen a lot of cement and bricks today. It was a mob of raging, ragged fans all swarming around a gigantic, mutant Justin Bieber.

“Holy crud,” John whispered, visibly suppressing the urge to vomit.

“We found a bunch of toxic waste and stuff dumped in the lake nearby! Now we've built him up bigger, better, and even more alluring than ever!” one particularly grubby girl screamed.

“Guys, the only way to defeat this monstrosity is to use the power of ponies and dubste- I mean friendship,” I hissed to my compadres.

“Right!” Pinkie yelled enthusiastically, eyes bright. The power of dubstep was unbeatable!

Author's Note

This chapter isn't brilliant. Oh well, enjoy!