March 9th:
Ah… The quiet, beautiful, serene land of Equestria, where the sun shines bright every day, and not a single error in sight, spite the fact for monsters in the Everfree. Here we are at the beautiful meadow outside of ponyville following a bee as he gets nectar from a marigold. Yes, look at that bee get the pollen from the marigold. The bee is buzzing, always buzzing. It reminds me of the constant buzzing in my head. Just buzz buzz buzz. Buzzing. That electric machine they put on my head made that sound when they tried to cure my buzzing, but the buzzing never stops. It’s really annoying. Nothing can stop it. This bee is buzzing so much. I must squash it, but I cannot squash it when I’m strapped to a wheelchair. No, I cannot. I just have to put up with that buzzing sound until it buzzes off. Is it a bee?
The pretty pretty mares in those white coats say that I cannot be untied from this chair, that if I do get loose from this chair, then I will get violent. The red crosses on their hats got my attention for some reason. It must have been the color red. Red stops the buzzing, and I hate the buzzing, which means red is good. I need more red. Ponies have red inside of them. Oh yes they do. Ponies can stop the buzzing with red.
It happened a few months ago when the buzzing started at work. I was just a royal guard patrolling the Everfree Forest. I didn’t hear the buzzing then, no I did not. A manticore came out of the forest and attacked my partner with its scary tail. My partner’s head rolled on the ground, there was lots and lots of red. That’s when the buzzing started. I looked at the manticore and it knew fear, oh yes it did. I smelled fear, and red, oh so much red. I killed it with my spear. I cut out solid, squishy red from its chest. The red smelled good and the buzzing stopped. I put the red in my mouth, and it tasted good, oh how the red tasted good.
Here I am in this chair writing a journal with black. Not enough red. Just black. The mare is making sure I don’t find any more red. Not after I got back to the guard post. She says I hurt a lot of ponies in the guard house, that I created a lot of red, oh so much red. I just wanted to stop the buzzing.
I came back to the guard post after burying my partner. I left the manticore just sitting there, maybe somepony else will like its red. I know I liked its red, but the mare said that liking and eating the red is a wrong thing to do. Oh how the mare is pretty. I wonder how pretty her red is. The other guards were worried about me. They said “You should get cleaned up.” So I did. Then the buzzing came back. Not enough red. Need more red. Red stops the buzzing. Always buzzing. I made more red after all the guards went to sleep. I can’t sleep because the buzzing won’t let me. I sleep when I pass out. That’s how they got me. The big pretty mare with the crown said that I need to spend some time away from the guards. That what I did was wrong, she called me a crazy pony. I’m not crazy. I just don’t like the buzzing. Too much buzzing. I’ll be happy when the buzzing is gone though. I need red.
The nurse says that it is time to go, but I will tell you more about the buzzing later.
March 14th:
Hello my friend, Mister Journal. The buzzing hasn’t stopped yet. They give me these white things, but they only quiet the buzzing. It’s still there. Never ending. Always buzzing, but the red fixes the buzzing. Buzz buzz buzz. I hate bees now, they are terrible bugs, because they make the buzzing worse, and the pills don’t make the bee’s buzzing quieter. The buzzing only gets louder. I sometimes have to yell over the buzzing to make it go away, but it doesn’t go away. The buzzing doesn’t feel fear, it just buzzes. Buzz buzz buzz. Maybe the buzzing wants to be my friend, but then why do I like red so much? Red is good, because the buzzing stops when red comes. Too bad I can’t get any more red. If a genie pony came out of a lamp to grant me a wish, I would wish for the buzzing to go away. Or I would wish for lots and lots of red.
It is a shame that the mare won’t let me have red. It’s a different mare today, she isn’t as pretty though. I asked her to turn me around so I could see where I am living now for the first time. Reading doesn’t help the buzzing, but I used to like to read, I think. I can’t remember hardly anything. The buzzing won’t let me. The buzzing interrupts everything. Red helps me remember things. That’s probably why I could remember when I first saw the mares red cross. Red helps get rid of the buzzing. I need more red. Red red red red red.
I looked at the mare’s red cross again. I remembered that a different word for red was “maroon” maroon sounds weird. Maroon isn’t red. I hate maroon, because maroon isn’t red. Only red stops the buzzing not maroon. I also remember the stallions in the white coats dragging me here a few weeks ago. I have been here for 1814400 seconds. I don’t know why I am here. Why is eating red so wrong? Ponies make red inside of them. It fills them up. They could explode if there is too much red in them, but they don’t. I need red, so I cut it out of them. It helps the buzzing, oh how it helps.
The mare tells me that it is time to go again. Maybe they can help fix the buzzing. In due time I suppose they will give me more red.
March 20th:
I haven’t written in you Mister Journal for 518400 seconds. That is a lot of seconds. So many numbers. The buzzing helps me count. The buzzing isn’t as bad now. The pills are helping a lot. I remember that the stallion in the white coat told me to start keeping this journal a few weeks ago, they wanted to see what I wrote about. They say that they can fix the buzzing. There is another mare here, a lavender mare, she says she wants to study me. She wants to know what is happening. I tell her about the buzzing, then I tell her about the red. She seemed disgusted when I told her about the red. Then she cried. I nuzzled her cheek because I didn’t like seeing ponies sad.
Red cannot fix sad, oh no it can’t. I’ve been remembering things recently. A voice in my head says it is wrong to hurt the ponies for their red. I tell the voice that the red stops the buzzing. The voice won’t listen. The mare caused the voice. The lavender mare used her magic to bring the voice onto me. The voice says everything will be fixed, that I will be gone. Sometimes the voice gets louder than the buzzing, because the buzzing is getting quieter. That is good, but the voice isn’t good. I don’t like the voice. I told the mare about the voice telling me that things will be fixed, and the mare seemed happy, oh how she was happy. It made me smile to see that I cheered her up.
I remember that I had a marefriend once. Her name. I cannot remember her name. The buzzing won’t let me remember her name. Buzz. The bees. Buzzing. Electricity. Buzzing. Always buzzing, but the red stops buzzing.
I looked at the mare’s red cross again, and I remembered. Perhaps here name was Sparkle Light, or perhaps it was Twilight Sparkle… Yes… Not even she, the most pretty alicorn in ponyville, could stop the buzzing. She seemed oh so sad when she found me. Yet Twilight Sparkle seemed rather concerned for my well-being at the time, and for the well-being of others. I wonder why. I only wanted red.
The voice took control of my body again, making me speak such riddles and speaking so many clues of which I do not even understand. I’m sorry. The lavender mare looked down at what the voice wrote and looked at me. She started crying, oh how she cried. She sounded so sad, so I cheered her up. I nuzzled her cheek again. She grabbed me and hugged me really tight. She looked happy after that and told the mare that she wanted to be alone, that I should get to sleep, but the buzzing doesn’t let me sleep. Just buzzing, never forget the buzzing. Red helps the buzzing, oh how it does.
April 10th:
The voice has been taking control of my body a lot more now. The doctor says that the lavender mare is trying to help cure me. Cure me of my buzzing. If she makes the buzzing go away, then I will love her, oh how I will love her. I hope she stops the buzzing, then I won’t need red. I won’t have to make ponies stop talking for red. I love to talk. Talking helps get rid of the buzzing sometimes. A few days ago the voice took control of my mouth though. The lavender mare was in the room at the time too. The voice said “I’m so sorry Twilight, please forgive me for what I’ve done, please just get rid of this thing inside me!” The voice is crying now, inside my head. The buzzing is very light now, but I still need red.
I remember my name now, It’s Burning Passion. I remember my mane and fur colors. The buzzing made me forget a lot of things. Red helped me remember, but now I can remember on my own. The voice is still crying. It says that it loves my marefriend. It says that Twilight is the lavender mare, but the lavender mare can’t be Twilight, because Twilight was purple.
I also remember my cutie mark. It’s a bow and arrow. The lavender mare says that I am a good marksman. I asked her what the bow and arrow were for. She told me that I was an archer for the Solar Guard. She also says that my fellow guards forgive me for what I did, and that Celestia forgives me for what I did. I’m not sorry for what I did though. I just needed red.
No! What I did was wrong! I shouldn’t have killed those two guards! They were innocent! Oh Celestia I’m a cannibal! I’m a horrible horrible pon
The voice took over again. He keeps doing that. I remember that purple is the same as lavender. Twilight Sparkle is lavender. This mare is Twilight Sparkle.
April 27th:
Alrighty… This is the fifth journal entry I think? Yeah, it is. The buzzing is quite minimal now actually. Thanks to Twily here. I still space out every now and then. I cried for days just thinking about what I have done. Twilight has been with me all the way though, and I am happy for that. I’m going to keep this one short so…
In a few minutes here I’m going to be discharged. Nearly all my memories have returned to me, apart from when I joined the royal guard that is. I still regret what I have done. I killed two ponies, and that can never be forgiven, no matter how much Twilight, my friends in the guard, or Celestia and Luna try to forgive me. What I did was wrong.
Blood shall never be spilt again… and… blood is red… buzzing… buzz… red everywhere.
I’m back. There is red everywhere now. The buzzing is gone thanks to the red. Bye bye mister bee, please don’t come back.
Author's Note
I don't even-
