Trixie's Evil Council of Supposed Evilness

An old cabin rested on the outskirts of Ponyville, seemingly isolated from the rest of the town. Inside, the cabin had a large poker table, some chairs and couches arranged in an uneven manner, and upstairs was, if it was believed to be true, the bathroom and the bedroom. A light fixed on the roof flickered above the poker table, giving the room a more eerie quality to it, which happened to be perfect for Trixie, as she had just finished assembling as many possible nemeses of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony as possible around the poker table, though such a gathering was on a strict budget, so Queen Chrysalis, among others, weren't invited.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, tonight we gather for the first meeting of Trixie's Evil Council of Evilness. I am your host, the Great and Powerful Trixie, and I call the shots around here, because this was all my idea. Now then, let's introduce ourselves so that we know how those dastardly ponies have wronged us. Trixie will begin, since she is always best pony. Trixie is commonly seen as the nemesis to a certain Twilight Sparkle. We're both good at magic, but she's always there to one-up me." Trixie paused for a moment, remembering that such a conflict technically only occurred once, the second time they met she was controlled by the Alicorn Amulet. "Excuse Trixie, Trixie had a brain fart, so let's start with the tall one in the purple spandex."

"I'm called the Mane-iac," she replied. "And I—"

"Wait a second," interrupted a confused pink filly. "You're from a comic book Silver Spoon reads, aren't you? Why do you even exist?"

"Daring Do ended up being real, so it's not outside the realms of possibility."

"Daring Do is real?" shouted Trixie, her eyebrows shooting up as high as they could.

"Looks like someone is late to the punch. Anyways, the Power Ponies look a lot like the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, except for Humdrum, because I have no idea what he's supposed to be. As a result, getting revenge on them would be brilliant, but I'd love to have my own mane salon first, which to be honest is why I'm here in the first place."

"Um, what?"

"You never told us why we're going to be here and assumed that we'd all agree with you, but I'm sure these other ponies are in the same boat as you are. Also, I'm called the Mane-iac for a good reason. I've been told I have a fetish for beautiful, long, manes, and when someone compliments my mane, I just can't help myself from squeeing with joy." Mane-iac's eyes lit up, her lips formed a smile just thinking about all of the beautiful manes her mane salon would provide.

"You're a strange one. Anyways, everybody else is with me, right two brothers wearing hats?"

"We're the Flim Flam Brothers," they responded, the way they talked sounding like a bad musical number.

"Wait, who is Flim, and who is Flam?"

"That's not important, but what is important is that we'd love to sell you this bottle of pills that can help with increasing one's power level." Flam took off his hat and inside was the bottle he was referring to. He presented the bottle to Trixie, which had a note card taped around it with the words Power Pills hastily scribbled on it. Trixie opened the bottle and "carefully" examined the pill, which was only for about three seconds.

"This is perfect," said Trixie, who didn't bother reading what the pill actually said on it.

"Um, Trixie," interrupted a pegasus with a fiery mane. "I don't know if you have eyesight troubles, but that pill clearly has E.D. inscribed on it. They're only here to scam you out of your bits."

"Oh come now, don't ruin our fun, party pooper," scoffed Mane-iac. "I couldn't wait to see what happened if she ate it."

"Given what the drug is for, I'd imagine its chemical composition would lead to nasty side effects. Before anyone asks, yes, I'm an egghead, which besides flying, is all I'm really good at."

"Don't say the word egghead," shouted Trixie, her eyes lighting up a fire inside of her. "It reminds me of her, but more importantly, how did you know what kind of pill it was?"

"As I've said, you'd have to be blind to not notice the inscription on the pill. It's huge."

"Whatever. Moving on to the mare in the blue and yellow skin tight outfit, also known as the, ahem, egghead that was just talking and being all "Oh look at me I read whatever I get my hooves on, I'm Twilight 2.0." Barf." Trixie glared at the mare, but she didn't even budge an inch in response to Trixie's antics.

"My name is Spitfire, and ever since I wronged a teammate by accident, I realized I'm always getting the short end of the stick, whether I'm at fault or fate is out to get me."

"Perfect, at least somebody here knows why we're here." Trixie's spirits soared as she jumped up and down, perhaps things were looking up for her.

"Actually, it's because I'm horrible at social skills and have an inferiority complex."

Trixie's spirits immediately crashed down to rock bottom as she stopped moving and proceeded to wail, realizing that it was four for four in not getting support. "Oh great, you too?"

"Yeah, you wrote to me as though you were advertising a well-known support group, but in actuality it's just something to make you and you alone feel better."

Trixie raised her voice and spoke quickly. "No it's not."

"Why are you sounding so defensive? I may have become known as an antagonist to Rainbow Dash because of two unfortunate incidents, but I still try my hardest. More importantly, I've done a lot for Equestria and have saved many lives, so I guess I'm more of a villain that does what heroes do."

"Seriously? Last time I checked, your little band of losers keeps getting their flanks kicked."

"Three failed missions is bad, yes, but according to the statistics I've kept track of as a captain, we've apparently had 234 successes under my command. Not all of our missions were around Rainbow Dash, which Ponyville would do well to remember. A 98.73 percent success rate is okay, even for someone who isn't cool like myself." Spitfire paused for a moment and cleared her throat. "Oh, sorry, I'm bragging too much. I shouldn't do that, especially when there are ponies much better than I, like Twilight Sparkle, who has a one hundred percent hit rate for saving the day."

"Wait, did you just calculate that in your head?"

"No. As captain, I keep track of our stats. It's one of those minor things that's actually important. I just remembered the number only because it surprised me."

"Secondly, why did you apologize? You should be really evil. Villains don't apologize for the slightest slip ups like that, only if they've caused tons of property damage or nearly killed everyone, and then we apologize and everything turns out just fine. More importantly, don't praise Twilight Sparkle, she's the enemy, not someone to idolize." As Trixie was ranting, Spitfire got up from her chair and trotted towards the door. "Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm going back home. I'm going to have to ask Princess Celestia to help me with my problems, not get tricked by someone masquerading as a famous support group, which I might add actually does visit in this very cottage, so good day to you." Spitfire opened the door and walked out, slamming it shut once she was outside.

Trixie looked on with her mouth agape and turned back around to those still in the room, their faces expressing sheer boredom, and she bashed her hooves against the table, shaking them after making contact.

"Forget that self-deprecating flip-flop. I should've found Gilda instead, that is if I could find her." Trixie sighed in frustration, releasing the emotions built up inside her.

"You know, some may argue she isn't a villain," argued Mane-iac.

"Do you even know what she did in Rainbow Falls?"

"That's probably why she's feeling so down. She's, what's the word, atoning for her sins."

"Forget her. Next up is the pink filly."

"Hello losers, I'm Diamond Tiara," she said in a grating voice.

"Please tell me that you're not one of the following: A mane fetishist, a con-artist, or a pessimist that wails in self-pity."

"Nope, I'm here to get revenge." Diamond pounded her hooves together and grinned.

"Yes, yes. Against whom?"

"The blank flanks."

Trixie shuddered at Diamond's response. "Who?"

"The blank flanks. Don't you know? They're the only thing that gives me purpose in life, because my special talent, my one true purpose, my only dimension, is being a huge—"

"Forget it, all of you can just leave now. This isn't getting anywhere, so all future meetings are cancelled."

The other ponies pranced out of the house, acting as though they had been given permission to leave Tartarus. Just like that, Trixie was alone once again, and she realized that her options of forming an evil council were very much depleted at that moment, that is until she remembered one pony she should have invited.

"Wait, Lightning Dust would've showed up and joined me," muttered Trixie to herself, who pounded the poker table with all of her might. "What was I thinking? I could have had at least one pony in my evil council. Oh well, I guess I'll have to write to her."