I had done my fair share of research on the subject, out of curiosity, mainly. I wondered if it actually worked, or was just more internet bullshit. Like you can actually trust what anyone says on the internet, right? Especially if the whole craze started on 4chan.

It ended up turning into more of an obsession than just curiosity after all that time spent thinking. Tonight just so happens to be the breaking point of that obsession. I take my eyes away from the glowing light of the computer screen, and blink violently as they attempt to adjust to the sudden and seemingly complete darkness around me. It’s getting late, and I have work tomorrow.

For some reason, like every single time I get on my computer, it seems much more important than sleep. I at least need to complete the transaction if I’m really gonna do it. My heart begins to race, and so too do my thoughts. I’d been saving up practically all year for a chance to go to BronyCon. Should I really spend my money on this instead? What if it is bullshit? Then what? Two thousand fucking dollars, even more than all the costs for BronyCon, including plane tickets, food, and emergency funds combined. What the hell am I getting myself into? If this is all some scam…

I shake my head before turning to the window. The dim orange of the streetlamps adequately lights my small little neighborhood. It’s completely silent and still, not a single person walking down the street. It’s definitely not anything like the nonstop life of a big city. I’d been raised in a small town, and am definitely glad to still be in one. The only thing I dislike is that almost everybody knows everything…and quite a few of them are a bit less accepting of activities, and or people that fit outside societal norms. I can’t blame them though. It’s just a comfort thing, and comfort is definitely found in the familiar, not the unusual.

That’s why most of my nights are spent alone, in my familiar house. Damn, I’m an awkward fuck. I get nervous around anyone new, and even more nervous in big crowds. I barely even talk most of the time, unless they get me on a good subject. I guess you could call me a Fluttershy.

I’m so alone, so fucking alone… I can’t just be by myself forever. That’s why paying for this is will be worth it…at least, I hope. I bring my blanket, which had slumped off while I was typing, back up over my shoulders. It’s a chilly night, especially for summer. Maybe I should turn up the heat…eh, I’m already gonna spend enough money as is. I don’t need to waste more.

Some type of crazy cloning sort of thing. How in the hell are they getting away with it? The stuff with DNA mixing and tube grown life. The stuff that so many people find unethical and wrong. That’s why I don’t believe it. Besides, where are they getting their funding? Two thousand dollars a pop is a lot of money, but I’m guessing that’s not enough to support an entire facility like that, and keep it a secret, well, secret enough. How many people work there anyways?

This is all insane, total bullshit; and if it is real, it’s gotta just be a dream. Maybe I’m going crazy or some shit. I dunno. It sounds fake at first glance, but when you read into it, it gets pretty real. Artificially creating my favorite characters from FiM, that are fully sentient and have the exact personalities as in the show? Sounds like sci-fi or some really shitty fanfic…and I’m buying into it? 4Chan has a lot of crazies, but not even our top scientists are that good at cloning yet. Well, shit, maybe they are? They keep a lot of secrets. Maybe some of those scientists like ponies, and maybe they also frequent 4chan? Who the fuck knows…

All I know, is that I’ve heard the stories and even seen some pics. Pics that are either real, or so expertly photoshopped that they look real. Besides, I’m desperate…and if it is real, I’d really hate myself if I passed up the offer. When I think about it, two thousand dollars isn’t all that much to have a real pony actually alive and living in the same home as me.

I turn my eyes ahead, and my chair creaks slightly as I lean forward, reaching for the mouse. The sheer brightness of the screen leaves me blinded for a moment as my eyes once again readjust. This time they hurt. Well, it makes sense, I have been staring at the damn thing for hours on end.

The text I begin to read makes me chuckle, it’s an odd combination of complete seriousness, while also having that classic 4chan hate and degrading dialog.

Customer, we assume you have come to this site because of the miserable life you live. Instead of just ending your life and making the world a better place with one less pathetic cumstain to taint it, you’ve somehow managed to survive. Now in these desperate attempts to somehow make your life better, you’ve chosen the most autistic option possible. You want a friend who will never abandon you, even after discovering that you dwell in the basement of your parents’ home at the age of 35, are proud of your disgusting neckbeard, and haven’t showered in 5 months. You want a companion because even though you’ve engrained every single lesson of friendship into your brain, you still have no friends because sadly, you are even more of a pathetic faggot than you were before. You’ve always dreamed and wished that your favorite pony from your favorite show was real. Perhaps you’re even autistic enough to consider her your “waifu” or him your “horsebando”? We HAVE the solution you are looking for.

Through years of experimentation, failures, and other scientific procedures which we are not at liberty to describe in full; and which are most likely too complicated for your tiny brain, we have finally discovered, and perfected the artificial creation of pastel colored, fully sentient equines.

WARNING: Although we disagree with these claims, in the eyes of society, much of what we are doing is considered illegal, and morally wrong. This is a secure website, and much of what you’ve already learned is enough to completely decommission our “operation.” We KNOW where you live, and if any of this information is leaked beyond this website, we will COME for YOU.

FAQs: (We do not have time to answer all your brainless questions personally. READ this instead.)

Will my pony be just like he/she is in FiM? Yes. Our intelligent staff has perfected their personalities exactly, though we cannot form their memories as they happen in the show. Equestiria, Ponyville, the Elements of Harmony, ANYTHING that happened in the show, they will not know or understand. It is only their base personality. It is up to you to give these ponies meaning and memories.

Won’t my pony be surprised/scared to see a human? Of course not. We are not stupid. We have adapted these ponies’ evolutionary traits so that they have become dependent on humans for survival, just like a household dog, or cat.

So does that mean my pony is a pet? In a way, yes; but they ARE sapient beings. They think, develop ideas, live, and talk almost exactly as we do. Though you WILL have to provide food, water, care, and shelter for them just as you would a pet.

What if my pony doesn’t like me? Luckily for you, these ponies have been adapted so that they will form a strong bond with you, no matter how autistic, hopeless, or cringeworthy you are. Just like any form of relationship, this bonding does take plenty of time and attention on your part. You have to work for your pony’s love and trust.

Considering that what you’re doing is illegal, and you’ve already warned me about letting your secret out, does that mean I have to keep my pony a secret as well? Yes, if secret of your pony gets out, there will be dire consequences for you, your pony, and everyone involved. The secret is between you and us, along with your pony. ABSOLUTELY no one else can see or make contact with him/her, not even your closest friends (like you have any).

Since my pony is grown in a tube, does that mean he/she is going to be a foal when I receive him/her? No. Ponies will be aged as they are in FiM.

This can’t be real. Is this real? If you don’t think what we are doing is real, that’s your problem, not ours.

Is this wrong? I’m basically forcing a pony to be my pet and companion, right? Considering the fact that we have altered these ponies’ genetics as mentioned previously, this is exactly what they live for. As long as you are happy with them, care for them, and treat them well, they will be happy too.

Can I have sex with my pony? This question was bound to come up because you’re a sick freak. What you do with your pony is your own business, though we do not approve of rape in any shape or form. That can be left to your imagination. As mentioned previously, we know where you live.

What size are the ponies? The average size of a female pony, fully grown, is 4 feet tall (when standing on all fours). All other body types, alicorn, stallion, etc. are based upon this scale.

Creating your Companion:
All ponies are currently priced at $2000. This includes delivery costs and no taxes will be charged. You may want to buy now before our prices rise. Creating sentient artificial life, and keeping it a secret isn’t cheap.

Currently, the personalities, looks, etc. of the Mane 6 are the only ones we have perfected; and at the moment, the only ponies you will be able to purchase. We apologize for the inconvenience, but perfection takes time, and we know how much you love your perfection when it comes to ponies. (We are currently working on perfecting the CMC, Princesses, and a few side characters. We are unsure how long this process will take. Due to popular demand, we are attempting to discover a way to bring your incredibly shitty ocs to life. Choose personality, looks, etc. Once again, we are unsure of how long this process will take.)

Select a Pony:
Twilight Sparkle [ ]
Rainbow Dash [ ]
Pinkie Pie [ ]
Rarity [ ]
Fluttershy [ ]
Applejack [ ]

Mane six, huh? That’s cool by me. The only problem, I don’t really have a favorite pony. I can’t choose one that easily, especially when it comes down to who I want to be my lifelong friend, companion…maybe even my lover? Twilight, nerdy like me, intelligent, adorkable, fun in her own ways, strong, both mentally and magically, hard headed, but sweet. Although she appreciates time spent alone, she also understands exactly how wonderful a bond between two ponies, or in this case a pony and a human can be. Rainbow Dash, completely full of herself in that cute kind of way, confident, strong, fast, bold, and totally awesome, but loyal and caring when it comes down to the ones she loves. Somepony that enjoys athletics, being active, and training to better herself, but also loves the down time in between. Pinkie Pie, excitable, crazy, fun, sweet, and loving. Somepony that’s only happy when she makes others happy as well. Rarity, sort of a diva, but so elegant and beautiful, both in her looks and her heart. Somepony who appreciates the finer things in life, but would much rather give than receive. Fluttershy, so sweet, shy, and innocent, so adorable and cute. Somepony who appreciates nature, and has a large kind and caring heart for the creatures within it and whoever surrounds her. Applejack, honest, but kind of blunt at times. She appreciates the simple things in life, along with a hard working ethic. She would do anything for her friends, family or those that she loves, in this case, me, and would never give up on any of them or anything that she sets her mind to.

My chair squeals loudly, slightly startling me as I lean back against it and reach into my pocket. I struggle to push my fingers into the small opening at such an awkward angle. Finally, I’m able to grasp my fingers around the smooth surface of my wallet and slowly pull it out. There’s no turning back now. I had been to this website every single night for the past few weeks, pondering on whether or not to spend my money and hope it wasn’t a scam. I flip it open, grab out my debit card, and then throw it onto the desk with a clack. I’m gonna do it. Two thousand dollars is nothing compared to something so priceless.

This is it. My heart begins to pound heavily. I always get nervous making large transactions, especially when they could possibly be such a waste. Along with that, the whole, I have to choose a lifelong companion and friend, and I really hope I choose right one thing was weighing down on me too. Really…who do I choose?

Author's Note

"What the hell are you doing, Dream? This isn't like you. An actual human as the main character that's also a brony, the setting is Earth, there's stuff about 4chan? This sounds unrealistic...cloned ponies, really?" Yep, I do what I want!

Anyways, here's the link. Go vote. VOTING FOR THIS POLL IS OVER. RARITY WINS THE POLL BY ONE VOTE OVER TWILIGHT. Click on the link if you want to view results, but your vote will not be counted.
http://vote.pollcode.com/12195788