Nothing I Wouldn't Do For Youby Sharp SparkChaptersApplesStarsDiamondsApples“I have a delightful idea for what to do next,” Rarity sang out. I knew that tone of voice. It meant trouble. I warily glanced across the table at Twilight and her worried eyes showed she felt the same. But the moment was broken immediately as I couldn’t help but giggle at the streak of chocolate across her muzzle. When it came to eatin’ proper s’mores, Rarity still preferred her own kind of hoity-toity ‘etiquette’, but Twilight had surprisingly taken to my method like a pig to mud. It was just the three of us for the sleepover. Much like that very first one over a year ago, right after Twi had moved to the town and we were all getting to know one another. Since then we’d had plenty more, but usually with more of the girls invited. It always helped to have Pinkie around, bouncing from one crazy activity to the next and dragging the lot of us along with her. Even managed to wean Twilight off that big slumber party book of hers, eventually. But tonight it was just me, Twilight, and Rarity. When Twi had suggested it, she had dressed it up in a lot of fancy, calling it a ‘control group’ for ‘measuring gross sleepover efficiency improvement’. I told her I didn’t know that ‘gross’ was any sort of thing to call a good time, but she just laughed nervously and went off into a whole ramble fulla the kind of long words I suspect she might be making up on the spot. Halfway through I caught that Rarity was gonna be there too, and that was good enough for me. That first sleepover was a real fond memory to me, even though in some ways it was the start of all the trouble. That was when I had really fallen for her – Rarity. Not like any pony could blame me, cause that girl is anything but hard on the eyes. But something about that night… So much of the time, Rares comes off as fake. All proper and soft and… well, weak. But underneath that, she’s got iron in her bones, and each time I pushed her on one thing, she came back spitting fire ‘bout another. It was such a surprise I kept right on! Ribbing her on this or that, secretly delighting on bein’ on the receiving end her sharp tongue and sharper mind in response, even if it did wind up with me wearing that... dress. And then when push came to shove and it looked like the night was gonna be ruined, she came through all flying colors. That was when it hit me. I was head over heels, I realized... even though I knew it’d never work out, neither. So I dealt with it like I deal with everything. Kept my mouth shut, did my work, and moved on with my life, hoping it’d pass. Moonin’ over some pony ain’t gonna plow the south fields. Time passed. But the feelings didn’t. Guess my heart could be as stubborn as the rest of me. “What’s your idea, Rares?” I asked, miming across to Twilight to wipe off her face. She stared at me blankly for a long moment until she got it, and then audibly squeaked as she dashed away in search of a napkin. I looked down at the pile of ‘em on the table in front of us and smiled in amusement. “We’re girls. It’s a sleepover.” Rarity paused, a grin appearing on her face. “Let’s talk about stallions.” “Oh no,” I said, my head shaking violently. “No no no.” At my expression, Rarity’s smile grew even bigger. See? As much as I could tease her, she gave as good as she got. “Twilight,” I said desperately, “back me up here?” She mumbled something into her napkin, across the room and not facing either of us. “Come, Applejack,” Rarity purred. “Let’s talk juicy details. There’s got to be some pony out there that you’ve got your eye on.” My mouth clicked shut. I forced it open again. “A-absolutely not. I don’t have a crush on nopony.” I felt my traitorous muzzle scrunch up reflexively and cursed under my breath. Rarity hadn’t missed it. Her eyes lit up in an infuriatingly cute way. “Double negatives aside, I think we both know that’s not true.” “I— Uh—” I looked over as Twilight trotted back to the table, but all I could see were a pair of wide eyes over the napkin she still held to her mouth. My shoulders slumped. “Fine. There’s a pony I like. Don’t matter none though, cause nothin’s gonna come of it.” I shivered as Rarity put a hoof against my shoulder. “Why would you say that, darling?” I bit my lip, trying to keep my thoughts in check. “Want me to count the ways? Too far outta my league, and we don’t have anything in common, and… and… I could never actually tell he— uh. him.” “Applejack Apple!” Rarity chided. “I’ll have you know that you are quite the catch. I’ve seen the stallions practically start a brawl over a place in line to buy from you in the market, and let me tell you, the Apple they’re eyeing isn’t in any one of your baskets. You’re a very attractive mare. Right, Twilight?” Twi wore a dazed expression like someone had just thumped her over the head good and hard. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting the night to take this particular line, and I had to suppress a smile at her perplexment. “Um. Yes!” she finally choked out. “Very… beautiful.” Her cheeks turned pink and she looked away again. “And sharing the same interests is highly overrated,” Rarity continued. “A relationship is not about finding your twin or copy. It’s about finding someone who complements you. Differences of thought and of personality are healthy. Gives you something to talk about, things to do with one another, chances to share what’s important with someone you love for the first time. That’s magical.” “Someone you love,” I mutter. “Hm.” Rarity paused, rubbing her hoof lightly against her chin. “Idea!” she sung out. “Why don’t I arrange for a spa day this next week. I know that’s not normally your thing, but trust me. A little work and I just know you’ll shine. Maybe that’s what you need for some confidence.” Her eyes shot across to Twi. “And we’ll have Twilight come, and you can even practice asking another pony out.” I snuck a glance, and Twilight was practically hiding her face behind the table, glowing with embarrassment. Poor girl. “Then, when it does come to talking with this mare that you have a thing for, you can just—” “Hold on there,” I said, something in that past sentence having sent a chill down my spine. I swallowed. It took me a minute to actually convince my mouth to say, “Mare?” “Oops,” Rarity said. She grinned, scrunching her nose up in feigned mischief, even as her eyes seemed to pierce right through me. “Truth be told, I was already sort of under the certain impression that… you preferred mares?” “You— Why would you think that?” I said. “Well, dear, you’ve hardly shown interest in any colts around town. Or what about when Trenderhoof visited? He was hanging all over you and you wouldn’t even bat an eye.” “Yeah,” I said, voice sounding weak, “and that coulda been because he was a weedy little twerp with some borderline offensive views about earth ponies.” “Perhaps.” Rarity tilted her head. “Well? Am I mistaken? Do you like stallions?” My mouth opened and shut as I tried to figure out what to say, doomed by the knowledge that she’d could read me like a book if I tried to lie. “Applejack,” she said softly. “It’s not going to change anything. We’re your friends, no matter what.” I saw Twilight jerking her head up and down to my side and sighed. “I… I reckon I do like mares.” Rarity’s smile blossomed again and it did something fierce to my heart. “See? There’s nothing wrong about that.” “There is, if the gal you like don’t feel the same way,” I muttered. “Do you know that?” a voice called out from my side. I looked over to see Twilight staring at me with an intent expression. I chuckled, without much mirth in it. “I’ve got a few reasons to think so. Let’s start with a coupla big, ugly male ones, shall we?” “Maybe you’re wrong,” Twilight said. I didn’t quite know where she had suddenly got the nerve from. “Maybe just because someone has a quick fling in odd circumstances a long way away, that doesn’t speak for her whole sexuality. Maybe somepony’s been thinking about you the whole time and you never even realized it.” Her eyes flickered back and forth, and I realized she kept glancing at Rarity. I blinked, trying to figure things out, and feeling a soaring hope mixed with dread at the thought. Had the two of them planned… Blueblood was a long time ago, after all. And it’s not like he nor that Trender fella ever gave Rarity the time of day, which was rightly baffling in my eyes. When I did look at Rarity, she had dropped the light smile. Her expression was dead serious, her face paler than even before. She… she was nervous too? “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel,” Twilight’s voice drifted into my ears, barely above a whisper. “I…” My heart was pounding so hard it seemed about ready to burst outta my chest. I took a deep breath, then another. Rarity’s mouth fell open, her eyes darting between me and Twilight. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I flailed around for the scene that had run through my head a million times, the wild fantasy that I had been so sure was just that – fantasy. I could do this. I could make this work. I gritted my teeth and reached out to hold Rarity’s hoof between mine. “Rarity, there’s something I need to tell ya.” She took a shallow breath, her brow furrowing. “Applejack, hold on.” “I’ve thought about this a long time, and I want you to know that I really mean it. And that whatever you say, I still think the moon an’ stars of you.” "Wait," she said, as horror shone in her eyes. “Please don't…” I closed my eyes, unable to bear looking at her. The hope that had buoyed me was quickly evaporating but I couldn’t back down now, even as I heard her whisper an “Oh no…” “Rarity, I think I’m in love with you.” I opened my eyes again to see a deep sadness mar that face I loved so much. “Oh, Applejack,” she said quietly, even the very tone of her voice a dagger in my heart. “You know you are one of my most precious friends, and trust me, there’s nothing I wouldn’t be willing to do on your behalf. But…” “Alright, you can stop right there,” I said, my voice rough to my own ears. I pulled my hoof back. “I know how the rest plays out.” Rarity’s mouth moved as she tried to find the right words to say. “I’ve always known that’s how things were,” I said, a bitter smile crossing my face. “But I used to be able to at least pretend to myself that it could be different, that we could have something. Maybe this is more honest.” I shook my head. “Thanks, Rares. I guess it’s for the best. I’m a lucky mare to have the farm and my family. Not gonna complain if romance ain’t in the cards for a pony like me.” “Applejack,” Rarity said, her voice pained. “Don’t say that. I just—” I tilted my hat forward to shade my eyes. I could feel a hot wetness collecting in them, but forced my voice to be level. “S’alright,” I said. “But if you two will excuse a silly fillyfooler, I could stand to be alone for a bit.” As I turned to walk away, I saw Twilight sitting there, silent but with tears running down her own cheeks. I felt like the lowest pony in Equestria right about then, and that only made me feel lower. It wasn’t until I made it to the bathroom and locked the door securely behind me that I started crying in earnest. StarsI would never say that I fail at everything. Embarrassingly enough, there are entire stained glass windows that I’d have to argue with if I tried. And a pair of wings, and this big crystal castle thing that I’m still not quite sure on its purpose, but boy… The point I’m trying to make is, when I do screw something up, I don’t do it in half-measures. And never quite so thoroughly as when it comes to my own love life. Heh. My love life? Not even just that. I’ve seen Applejack in so many different moods and circumstances, that I could write a sociological report about her (Trust me. In my more obsessed moments, I got way too close to actually giving it a try). Everything from that exhausted, warm happiness after a long day at work, to the solid determination when she’s facing a big problem, even that self-reliant stubborn streak that’s so adorable when she really gets going. Heck, it’s hard not to stare at her, most of the time. The point is, I’ve seen Applejack in good times and bad. But I’ve never seen her so… so obviously hurting before. You would think it’d be awful, right? Seeing my crush confess to one of my best friends, right in front of me. But that was the weird thing. It hurt, alright. But seeing Applejack be rejected, seeing her walk out of the room, holding back tears… that broke my heart in such a way that I didn’t know if it’d ever feel quite right again. A moment passed in agonizing silence before Rarity spoke. “Well,” she said, her voice brittle. “That could have gone better.” I looked up at her, my eyes so blurry with tears that all I could see was a ghostly white shape. “How could you…?” I whispered. “Twilight, let's not start passing around the blame." She sounded tired, drained. "I admit, perhaps we shouldn't have been so eager to delve into Applejack's personal business, but—” “No, how could you not love her?” I said. I heard her breathe in sharply. I knew it was unfair. I knew Rarity was hurting too, but she had it all. She had everything I wanted – or at least the love of Applejack, which was a close enough approximation to everything I wanted – and yet chose to cast it aside. “Darling, I..." She paused, and when she continued, the words came out with a strained cheer. "There's no sense dwelling on what can't be. We must make the best of an unfortunate situation. Why don't we try looking on the bright side?” “The bright side? What could possibly be the bright side here?” Rarity was silent for a long moment. “Well, now we know she does like mares,” she finally said. “And… well, that she’s not seeing anypony at the moment.” That was too much. I shook the tears out of my eyes and drew myself up to my full height. “I can’t believe you! This isn’t the time to look at how this benefits me! Applejack is hurt, and alone, and— and—” “You're right," Rarity whispered. "And she needs somepony. What are you going to do about it?" “I’m going to…” I stomped one hoof down. “I don’t know! But at least I’m going to try. Unlike you.” For some reason, a wan smile had appeared on Rarity's face. “Then go try, darling.” “I will!” I turned and stomped out, fuming. I was halfway to the bathroom before I realized what exactly she had done. I stood in front of the door for a long while, trying to figure out what to say, what to do. I tried running scenarios in my head but they all came to a dead stop. I was terrified. I had no idea what the correct protocol was for something like this. But then I heard a choked sob through the door, and knew that giving up wasn’t an option. When I finally knocked, I was expecting a voice to yell out, to tell me to get lost. But it just swung open, Applejack standing there. Her face was serious and expressionless, but her eyes were red and raw. It almost sent me tearing up again but I swallowed and blinked hard, trying to steel myself. I had to fix this. “I reckon I’ve done enough to ruin y’all’s night,” Applejack said, her normally happy drawl flat and heavy. “I’ve got plenty of chores that need doing back at the farm. Figure I’ll just head back there.” “Applejack,” I whispered. “Don’t get worked up on my behalf. I’ll be fine. Same as I always am. Best we just forget that this night ever happened, and—” I don’t know what made me do it, what broke through my nervousness. It was probably just to keep her from talking, to keep that lifeless voice from continuing any further. But I reached out and flung both hooves around her, pulling her into a tight hug. At first she just stood rigid, shocked at the action. But then I felt her relax as a hoof snaked around to rub against my back. “Thanks Twi,” she said, some warmth creeping back into her tone. “I’m so sorry Applejack,” I said. “Really, I am.” “Shucks, ain’t your fault. It’s… it’s not even Rares’s fault. It’s mine.” “No,” I said, pulling back to look her in the eye. She had to know. “It is my fault. It’s all my fault.” Applejack shook her head, smiling slightly. “Only you would look at a thing like this and assume you had—” I had to show her. I screwed my eyes shut and pushed myself forward. I kissed Applejack. It was awful. It’s not like I’d ever kissed anypony before. How was I to know what to do? In closing my eyes, I ended up missing, and felt my lips bang into the side of her face. I pushed forward, mashing them against whatever part of her I had hit, and if Applejack had felt stiff at first when I hugged her, this time she was a genuine statue. After a hugely uncomfortable moment, I backed away, and one eye cracked open slowly. Applejack was staring at me, both eyebrows raised. “Twilight,” she said, “what in the hay do you think you’re doing?” That eye slammed tightly shut again. “I’m sorry! This is all wrong! I— I—” I trailed off, waiting for Applejack to start yelling or to slam the door in my face. The silence was even worse. I had to say something to fill it. “I told you this was my fault and it is. I’ve… I’ve liked you for a long time, and I went to Rarity for advice. That was the whole reason for the sleepover for us for tonight. Rarity said she thought you liked mares and we could use it as an opportunity to make sure, and then I could maybe ask you out on a date or something. I had a book about first dates specifically picked out and everything! I never meant for… for… this. But I screwed up and it’s all my fault and now you’re never going to talk to me or Rarity ever again and—” I felt a hoof against my mane, and opened my eyes to find Applejack awkwardly patting the top of my head. “Calm down there, sugarcube.” “But… but…” “I’ll get through this,” Applejack said. “It’s going to take some time, but I’m going to be alright.” She chuckled to herself. “Heck. Seeing you all in a tizzy sort of makes me realize what a lovesick fool I’ve been myself.” I could feel tears welling up and this time wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold them back. “Not that I mean—” she sputtered. “I wasn’t sayin’ that— Aw, tartarus. I went and shoved my hoof in my mouth again.” “It’s okay,” I whispered. “I know what you mean. I’m… I’m glad. You’ll still be my friend? Even with…” “Absolutely,” Applejack said, and I felt her wrap her arms around me in a hug of her own. I took a shuddering breath, guiltily loving being in her arms, even for just a moment like this. When she let go, I felt alone, but less so than a moment previous. “Look, Twi,” she said. “you’re my friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for ya.” My eyes drifted down to the floor as I forced a smile. So that’s what it felt to be on the receiving end of the ‘just a friend’. Unsurprisingly, not very good. “Yes,” I said, “that sounds familiar.” Applejack’s hoof pressed against her forehead. “Aw, for Celestia’s sake. I’m doing the same thing, aren’t I?” “No, I understand,” I murmur. “No, I— That’s not what I meant.” She went silent for a long moment, and I felt her hoof rest against my cheek. I couldn’t stand to look her in the eyes and kept staring at the floor. “I... I love Rarity, Twilight, and that ain't just gonna go away. It's got me all sorts of mixed up, and more than a little hurting. I think I need some time alone, to think. Some time to figure things out for myself.” I nodded stiffly, and heard her exhale. I don't know what I expected – for her to just turn around and jump right into my arms? She loved Rarity. And I was no Rarity. I couldn't even be mistaken for Rarity across a crowded room with the lights off. You could take the wings and the tiara and the castle and stuff them, Applejack knew me for who I was, who I had always been. A nerdy little pony with few social skills and a frustratingly obsessive personality. That's why she could never— “But... I’d give it a try. At least for one date.” I blinked. My ears twitched as I tried to figure out if the stress had caused me to momentarily lose it. “I’m sorry?” I coughed out. “But you better not bring that book of yours. I swear to Celestia I will throw it right out.” “You— I— Really?” “Sure,” Applejack said. She sighed. “You’re a good friend of mine, and maybe it’s just the rejection talking at the moment, but I think it’d do me a world of good to give it a shot with someone who does seem to like me for me.” Her voice dropped to a mutter, so low I couldn’t be sure if I heard her right when she said, “Don’t hurt that you’re pretty cute yourself, least when you get all wound up.” My face still went so red I swear there was steam coming off of it. I wasn’t so sure my brain was working right, but my mouth had settled on a dopey smile without its input. “Then… then… I’ll need to schedule a time. And write a checklist. And…” “And learn how to kiss, cause boy howdy, that ain’t gonna cut it,” Applejack said. “Oh, I, uh—” “Next time, try something like this.” Applejack leaned down and that time our lips met directly. It was quick. Physiologically speaking, just one set of lips in contact with another for a brief period. A very small part of my brain registered the fact that for a farmpony, hers were awfully soft and yielding. The rest if it seemed to be preoccupied with the fireworks going off in my head. Applejack pulled away and immediately winced. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered. She glanced down at me and her eyes widened in alarm. “No. Not you, Twi. Me. I shouldn’ta done that. I’m not thinkin’ right, you’re not thinkin’ right. You deserve better.” I swallowed. “But I want… you.” “And I want…” she trailed off, sighing heavily. “I want to be happy, I guess. And I thought I knew what that meant, but now I’m not so sure. Turns out it’s a lot more complicated problem than you’d think.” I squared my shoulders and stood up straight. “Then let me help?” I said, trying to sound as steady and dependable as possible. I mostly succeeded. “I’m good at complicated problems.” Applejack shook her head, a wry smile and a dismissive comment at the ready, and then she stopped. She looked at me as I tried to keep a stern expression, even as my legs still shivered a little. Her smile turned a hint more genuine. “Yeah. Maybe you are.” She moved past me, stepping out into the hall. “Tell Rarity that I’m sorry, and that I don’t blame her or nothin’.” “Do you have to go?” I asked. “S’for the best,” she called back. “I need some time. But I’m gonna be alright. Don’t you worry.” “Then what am I supposed to do?” I whispered. Somehow she heard me, and stopped short. She looked over her shoulder, and shot me a grin that looked much more like the old Applejack I knew and loved. “Did you forget? You’ve got a date to plan.” “Yes,” I said to myself, feeling the slightest flicker of hope for the first time in this whole painful night. “Yes I do.” DiamondsWhen Twilight left, following after Applejack, I didn’t blame her one bit. And as the minutes ticked by, and I found myself still waiting, alone, I couldn’t help but view it as a positive sign, one bright light in this night that had otherwise gone so horribly awry. Surely, that meant they were talking, and had stumbled upon a subject worth conversing about in depth. Surely they were managing to salvage things. ...Or Twilight was still standing frozen in a corridor as she diligently tried to work up the nerve to track down an Applejack who had already left for the farm. My hooves shifted, tapping against the floor. That was… unlikely, of course. Probably. Surely! Possibly? I couldn’t do much but wait, regardless. I’d have to put my faith in Twilight. She had not been made a Princess for nothing. She was clever, and brave, and always had the most ineffable knack for coming through when it counted. But that meant sitting alone in the bedroom-slash-party-area, where my thoughts couldn’t help but drift to worries and guilt. I tried to distract myself, first critiquing the room’s decor, making plans to send for some satin curtains in a nice aqua, to brighten up the whole flow and better match the old bookcases that Twilight had insisted on adding. It seemed like she had ensured the addition of shelves to nearly every room in the castle, which gave it all a definite… Twilight-ness, most certainly, even if it made my attempts to establish contrasting themes on a room-by-room basis quite awkward. But solving this room’s fashion problems was a trivial task, and could only hold my attention so long. And without any of my notebooks or access to my fabric, I couldn’t do much in the way of brainstorming for my fall line of apparel— Who was I kidding? I was already months ahead on that too. So I sat and thought, which inevitably led to analyzing the events of the night. What I had said. How, precisely, I had said it. What I could have done differently. As preposterous as it may seem, I had the best of intentions, I swear. I did feel bad in partially deceiving poor Applejack and Twilight, but from the very beginning I had their own interests in heart. Perhaps that makes me arrogant, or meddling. I’ve certainly been called that and worse. But they’re my friends! I couldn’t help but love them and want them to be happy. Together, if that’s what it took. Of course I knew how Applejack felt about me. Unlike certain others, I am astute enough to see the quiet signals, to note the touches that linger too long, the gazes that drift into a wistful longing. And not just from my admiring farmmare – I had picked up on Twilight’s own rather apparent infatuation with Applejack some time ago. It was painful, watching, waiting. Seeing Twilight dance around her feelings. I had begun to assume she would never act, up until she knocked on my door asking for advice. Of course, she had just about run herself ragged in thinking and overthinking the situation. She needed help. She asked for help. I could not leave a friend in need. I had come into the night expecting a certain amount of difficulty in navigating such personal topics, yes, but I didn’t think it would go… quite like it had. Of all the times for Twilight to work up the nerve to push Applejack! I had hoped to gently guide Applejack through her feelings. To allow her to admit her preferences in a safe environment. To help her see the more practical opportunities right there waiting for her. I had never expected her to confess to me so immediately and singlemindedly, but… that was certainly our Applejack. I had simply done what I thought necessary. And… that wasn’t a justification. Affairs of the heart are never simple, and I was a fool to think otherwise. I could only hope— No, I told myself, earnestly trying to convince a still guilty mind. Applejack would be fine. She was strong. She would bounce right back, and Twilight had gone to her side after all. Everypony knows that it’s preferable to rip the bandage off immediately. If I had tried to be gentler, if I had strung her along or tried to preserve her feelings, things might have wound up differently. Ponies would have been hurt. Or… Or, I might have... No, this was the way it had to be. I sighed, the sound loud in the quiet room. I just wish I didn’t feel so horrible all of a sudden. I couldn’t imagine why, but my thoughts more and more turned to red on a field of orange. The more that I assured myself that I had done the right thing, had the right reasons, the more a tiny voice somewhere deep inside cried out the contrary. What if I was wrong? What if I had been wrong from the very beginning? I knew the path I had chosen, but what had I left behind? It’s not odd, I told myself. It was perfectly reasonable and normal to briefly reflect on the could-have-been. Thoughts drifting to lovely fall days split between farm and boutique. Of the difficulties that we would have faced, but could have worked through with a mutual trust and love. The time spent in quiet companionship, as sensibilities rustic and urbane melded together to make something entirely new. Even the fights. Celestia help me, but I couldn’t help but enjoy even the infuriating spats with her. I loved all my friends, don’t get me wrong, but Applejack… Applejack was certainly special to me. For as much as I could be overly dramatic, it seemed like she never failed to know right when to play along, right when to cut through the theatrics with a sharp word, and, most amazing of all, right when I was truly hurt and needed a shoulder to cry on. She was always a joy to be around, bringing light and laughter to any day. I recall the Gala, long ago, when I was enraptured with foolish swooning over that horrible Blueblood and yet it was a brief word with Applejack that brought me the one genuine smile of the night. She was there, diligently running her food stand, always thinking of others above herself. Of all the stallions I had chased, had any of them ever really been her equal? Even all put together, could they match her strength, determination, or work ethic? And her honesty, never a thing used to hurt or tear down, but always building up. Kind thoughts to refresh and reinforce, an encouragement to lead you to believe you could be a better pony, all the while as you knew her words to be absolute truth. I realized that my eyes were dripping for some reason. I dabbed at them gently, not wanting to smear the tasteful amount of makeup I had applied for the night. I was being a silly pony, of course. Applejack was everything that I wasn’t. Where she was open and honest, I built my life on facades and veneers, carefully calibrating everything about myself for the sake of others. I do not mean that as a criticism of myself, nor pure braggadocio. I had worked very hard to be the pony I was today. I had diligently crafted my identity piece by piece over the years, always endeavoring to be the right pony in the right place at the right time. The refined socialite, always with the authority and demeanor to dispense careful advice when needed. The local business owner, well-off and friendly enough such that nopony would turn down my charity out of concern or pride. The normal, well-adjusted mare, well-versed in the details of romance – a virtuous maiden in the classical sense: elegant, beautiful, and of course, straight. My thoughts choked out with a bitter taste in my mouth. ...At times I envied Applejack’s innate ability to just be herself. She had such a lovely self, after all. I sniffed. She would be happy, though. In all honesty, she and Twilight made for quite a pair themselves, Applejack’s steadiness grounding Twilight’s occasional eccentricities, and Twilight’s innate practicality and reasonableness preventing Applejack’s lapses of stubborn self-reliance. As long as those two could break through their infuriatingly guarded exteriors and connect, I was willing to bet that they would be a positively delightful couple. If only I could shake the rather silly image of myself in the picture, instead of— The door banged open, and Twilight stumbled in. The poor dear looked dazed, and I instantly rushed over to be at her side. “Twilight! Darling! What’s wrong? Did it not go well?” I took a deep breath, my heart beating fast as I started running through the best ways to comfort her, to help build up her no doubt shattered confidence. “Dear, there are many ponies in the sea, you know, and—” “I got a date,” she said, sounding amazed at the words coming out of her own lips. Her eyes focused on me, and a smile spread across her face. “Rarity! I got a date!” She grasped both of my forehooves in her own and spun me around, face lighting up with giddy excitement. “Yes yes yes!” she happily chirped. Suddenly she stopped. “A-are you okay?” “Of course, darling,” I murmured. “I’m so happy for you!” That’s what the tears were for. Happy tears. I had my business, my career, my friends. I had been blessed enough as it is. If helping others required me to make certain sacrifices, give up certain desires, push aside idle notions of futures that could have been. Well... There’s truly nothing that I wouldn’t do on behalf of my dear friends.
Apples“I have a delightful idea for what to do next,” Rarity sang out. I knew that tone of voice. It meant trouble. I warily glanced across the table at Twilight and her worried eyes showed she felt the same. But the moment was broken immediately as I couldn’t help but giggle at the streak of chocolate across her muzzle. When it came to eatin’ proper s’mores, Rarity still preferred her own kind of hoity-toity ‘etiquette’, but Twilight had surprisingly taken to my method like a pig to mud. It was just the three of us for the sleepover. Much like that very first one over a year ago, right after Twi had moved to the town and we were all getting to know one another. Since then we’d had plenty more, but usually with more of the girls invited. It always helped to have Pinkie around, bouncing from one crazy activity to the next and dragging the lot of us along with her. Even managed to wean Twilight off that big slumber party book of hers, eventually. But tonight it was just me, Twilight, and Rarity. When Twi had suggested it, she had dressed it up in a lot of fancy, calling it a ‘control group’ for ‘measuring gross sleepover efficiency improvement’. I told her I didn’t know that ‘gross’ was any sort of thing to call a good time, but she just laughed nervously and went off into a whole ramble fulla the kind of long words I suspect she might be making up on the spot. Halfway through I caught that Rarity was gonna be there too, and that was good enough for me. That first sleepover was a real fond memory to me, even though in some ways it was the start of all the trouble. That was when I had really fallen for her – Rarity. Not like any pony could blame me, cause that girl is anything but hard on the eyes. But something about that night… So much of the time, Rares comes off as fake. All proper and soft and… well, weak. But underneath that, she’s got iron in her bones, and each time I pushed her on one thing, she came back spitting fire ‘bout another. It was such a surprise I kept right on! Ribbing her on this or that, secretly delighting on bein’ on the receiving end her sharp tongue and sharper mind in response, even if it did wind up with me wearing that... dress. And then when push came to shove and it looked like the night was gonna be ruined, she came through all flying colors. That was when it hit me. I was head over heels, I realized... even though I knew it’d never work out, neither. So I dealt with it like I deal with everything. Kept my mouth shut, did my work, and moved on with my life, hoping it’d pass. Moonin’ over some pony ain’t gonna plow the south fields. Time passed. But the feelings didn’t. Guess my heart could be as stubborn as the rest of me. “What’s your idea, Rares?” I asked, miming across to Twilight to wipe off her face. She stared at me blankly for a long moment until she got it, and then audibly squeaked as she dashed away in search of a napkin. I looked down at the pile of ‘em on the table in front of us and smiled in amusement. “We’re girls. It’s a sleepover.” Rarity paused, a grin appearing on her face. “Let’s talk about stallions.” “Oh no,” I said, my head shaking violently. “No no no.” At my expression, Rarity’s smile grew even bigger. See? As much as I could tease her, she gave as good as she got. “Twilight,” I said desperately, “back me up here?” She mumbled something into her napkin, across the room and not facing either of us. “Come, Applejack,” Rarity purred. “Let’s talk juicy details. There’s got to be some pony out there that you’ve got your eye on.” My mouth clicked shut. I forced it open again. “A-absolutely not. I don’t have a crush on nopony.” I felt my traitorous muzzle scrunch up reflexively and cursed under my breath. Rarity hadn’t missed it. Her eyes lit up in an infuriatingly cute way. “Double negatives aside, I think we both know that’s not true.” “I— Uh—” I looked over as Twilight trotted back to the table, but all I could see were a pair of wide eyes over the napkin she still held to her mouth. My shoulders slumped. “Fine. There’s a pony I like. Don’t matter none though, cause nothin’s gonna come of it.” I shivered as Rarity put a hoof against my shoulder. “Why would you say that, darling?” I bit my lip, trying to keep my thoughts in check. “Want me to count the ways? Too far outta my league, and we don’t have anything in common, and… and… I could never actually tell he— uh. him.” “Applejack Apple!” Rarity chided. “I’ll have you know that you are quite the catch. I’ve seen the stallions practically start a brawl over a place in line to buy from you in the market, and let me tell you, the Apple they’re eyeing isn’t in any one of your baskets. You’re a very attractive mare. Right, Twilight?” Twi wore a dazed expression like someone had just thumped her over the head good and hard. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting the night to take this particular line, and I had to suppress a smile at her perplexment. “Um. Yes!” she finally choked out. “Very… beautiful.” Her cheeks turned pink and she looked away again. “And sharing the same interests is highly overrated,” Rarity continued. “A relationship is not about finding your twin or copy. It’s about finding someone who complements you. Differences of thought and of personality are healthy. Gives you something to talk about, things to do with one another, chances to share what’s important with someone you love for the first time. That’s magical.” “Someone you love,” I mutter. “Hm.” Rarity paused, rubbing her hoof lightly against her chin. “Idea!” she sung out. “Why don’t I arrange for a spa day this next week. I know that’s not normally your thing, but trust me. A little work and I just know you’ll shine. Maybe that’s what you need for some confidence.” Her eyes shot across to Twi. “And we’ll have Twilight come, and you can even practice asking another pony out.” I snuck a glance, and Twilight was practically hiding her face behind the table, glowing with embarrassment. Poor girl. “Then, when it does come to talking with this mare that you have a thing for, you can just—” “Hold on there,” I said, something in that past sentence having sent a chill down my spine. I swallowed. It took me a minute to actually convince my mouth to say, “Mare?” “Oops,” Rarity said. She grinned, scrunching her nose up in feigned mischief, even as her eyes seemed to pierce right through me. “Truth be told, I was already sort of under the certain impression that… you preferred mares?” “You— Why would you think that?” I said. “Well, dear, you’ve hardly shown interest in any colts around town. Or what about when Trenderhoof visited? He was hanging all over you and you wouldn’t even bat an eye.” “Yeah,” I said, voice sounding weak, “and that coulda been because he was a weedy little twerp with some borderline offensive views about earth ponies.” “Perhaps.” Rarity tilted her head. “Well? Am I mistaken? Do you like stallions?” My mouth opened and shut as I tried to figure out what to say, doomed by the knowledge that she’d could read me like a book if I tried to lie. “Applejack,” she said softly. “It’s not going to change anything. We’re your friends, no matter what.” I saw Twilight jerking her head up and down to my side and sighed. “I… I reckon I do like mares.” Rarity’s smile blossomed again and it did something fierce to my heart. “See? There’s nothing wrong about that.” “There is, if the gal you like don’t feel the same way,” I muttered. “Do you know that?” a voice called out from my side. I looked over to see Twilight staring at me with an intent expression. I chuckled, without much mirth in it. “I’ve got a few reasons to think so. Let’s start with a coupla big, ugly male ones, shall we?” “Maybe you’re wrong,” Twilight said. I didn’t quite know where she had suddenly got the nerve from. “Maybe just because someone has a quick fling in odd circumstances a long way away, that doesn’t speak for her whole sexuality. Maybe somepony’s been thinking about you the whole time and you never even realized it.” Her eyes flickered back and forth, and I realized she kept glancing at Rarity. I blinked, trying to figure things out, and feeling a soaring hope mixed with dread at the thought. Had the two of them planned… Blueblood was a long time ago, after all. And it’s not like he nor that Trender fella ever gave Rarity the time of day, which was rightly baffling in my eyes. When I did look at Rarity, she had dropped the light smile. Her expression was dead serious, her face paler than even before. She… she was nervous too? “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel,” Twilight’s voice drifted into my ears, barely above a whisper. “I…” My heart was pounding so hard it seemed about ready to burst outta my chest. I took a deep breath, then another. Rarity’s mouth fell open, her eyes darting between me and Twilight. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I flailed around for the scene that had run through my head a million times, the wild fantasy that I had been so sure was just that – fantasy. I could do this. I could make this work. I gritted my teeth and reached out to hold Rarity’s hoof between mine. “Rarity, there’s something I need to tell ya.” She took a shallow breath, her brow furrowing. “Applejack, hold on.” “I’ve thought about this a long time, and I want you to know that I really mean it. And that whatever you say, I still think the moon an’ stars of you.” "Wait," she said, as horror shone in her eyes. “Please don't…” I closed my eyes, unable to bear looking at her. The hope that had buoyed me was quickly evaporating but I couldn’t back down now, even as I heard her whisper an “Oh no…” “Rarity, I think I’m in love with you.” I opened my eyes again to see a deep sadness mar that face I loved so much. “Oh, Applejack,” she said quietly, even the very tone of her voice a dagger in my heart. “You know you are one of my most precious friends, and trust me, there’s nothing I wouldn’t be willing to do on your behalf. But…” “Alright, you can stop right there,” I said, my voice rough to my own ears. I pulled my hoof back. “I know how the rest plays out.” Rarity’s mouth moved as she tried to find the right words to say. “I’ve always known that’s how things were,” I said, a bitter smile crossing my face. “But I used to be able to at least pretend to myself that it could be different, that we could have something. Maybe this is more honest.” I shook my head. “Thanks, Rares. I guess it’s for the best. I’m a lucky mare to have the farm and my family. Not gonna complain if romance ain’t in the cards for a pony like me.” “Applejack,” Rarity said, her voice pained. “Don’t say that. I just—” I tilted my hat forward to shade my eyes. I could feel a hot wetness collecting in them, but forced my voice to be level. “S’alright,” I said. “But if you two will excuse a silly fillyfooler, I could stand to be alone for a bit.” As I turned to walk away, I saw Twilight sitting there, silent but with tears running down her own cheeks. I felt like the lowest pony in Equestria right about then, and that only made me feel lower. It wasn’t until I made it to the bathroom and locked the door securely behind me that I started crying in earnest.
StarsI would never say that I fail at everything. Embarrassingly enough, there are entire stained glass windows that I’d have to argue with if I tried. And a pair of wings, and this big crystal castle thing that I’m still not quite sure on its purpose, but boy… The point I’m trying to make is, when I do screw something up, I don’t do it in half-measures. And never quite so thoroughly as when it comes to my own love life. Heh. My love life? Not even just that. I’ve seen Applejack in so many different moods and circumstances, that I could write a sociological report about her (Trust me. In my more obsessed moments, I got way too close to actually giving it a try). Everything from that exhausted, warm happiness after a long day at work, to the solid determination when she’s facing a big problem, even that self-reliant stubborn streak that’s so adorable when she really gets going. Heck, it’s hard not to stare at her, most of the time. The point is, I’ve seen Applejack in good times and bad. But I’ve never seen her so… so obviously hurting before. You would think it’d be awful, right? Seeing my crush confess to one of my best friends, right in front of me. But that was the weird thing. It hurt, alright. But seeing Applejack be rejected, seeing her walk out of the room, holding back tears… that broke my heart in such a way that I didn’t know if it’d ever feel quite right again. A moment passed in agonizing silence before Rarity spoke. “Well,” she said, her voice brittle. “That could have gone better.” I looked up at her, my eyes so blurry with tears that all I could see was a ghostly white shape. “How could you…?” I whispered. “Twilight, let's not start passing around the blame." She sounded tired, drained. "I admit, perhaps we shouldn't have been so eager to delve into Applejack's personal business, but—” “No, how could you not love her?” I said. I heard her breathe in sharply. I knew it was unfair. I knew Rarity was hurting too, but she had it all. She had everything I wanted – or at least the love of Applejack, which was a close enough approximation to everything I wanted – and yet chose to cast it aside. “Darling, I..." She paused, and when she continued, the words came out with a strained cheer. "There's no sense dwelling on what can't be. We must make the best of an unfortunate situation. Why don't we try looking on the bright side?” “The bright side? What could possibly be the bright side here?” Rarity was silent for a long moment. “Well, now we know she does like mares,” she finally said. “And… well, that she’s not seeing anypony at the moment.” That was too much. I shook the tears out of my eyes and drew myself up to my full height. “I can’t believe you! This isn’t the time to look at how this benefits me! Applejack is hurt, and alone, and— and—” “You're right," Rarity whispered. "And she needs somepony. What are you going to do about it?" “I’m going to…” I stomped one hoof down. “I don’t know! But at least I’m going to try. Unlike you.” For some reason, a wan smile had appeared on Rarity's face. “Then go try, darling.” “I will!” I turned and stomped out, fuming. I was halfway to the bathroom before I realized what exactly she had done. I stood in front of the door for a long while, trying to figure out what to say, what to do. I tried running scenarios in my head but they all came to a dead stop. I was terrified. I had no idea what the correct protocol was for something like this. But then I heard a choked sob through the door, and knew that giving up wasn’t an option. When I finally knocked, I was expecting a voice to yell out, to tell me to get lost. But it just swung open, Applejack standing there. Her face was serious and expressionless, but her eyes were red and raw. It almost sent me tearing up again but I swallowed and blinked hard, trying to steel myself. I had to fix this. “I reckon I’ve done enough to ruin y’all’s night,” Applejack said, her normally happy drawl flat and heavy. “I’ve got plenty of chores that need doing back at the farm. Figure I’ll just head back there.” “Applejack,” I whispered. “Don’t get worked up on my behalf. I’ll be fine. Same as I always am. Best we just forget that this night ever happened, and—” I don’t know what made me do it, what broke through my nervousness. It was probably just to keep her from talking, to keep that lifeless voice from continuing any further. But I reached out and flung both hooves around her, pulling her into a tight hug. At first she just stood rigid, shocked at the action. But then I felt her relax as a hoof snaked around to rub against my back. “Thanks Twi,” she said, some warmth creeping back into her tone. “I’m so sorry Applejack,” I said. “Really, I am.” “Shucks, ain’t your fault. It’s… it’s not even Rares’s fault. It’s mine.” “No,” I said, pulling back to look her in the eye. She had to know. “It is my fault. It’s all my fault.” Applejack shook her head, smiling slightly. “Only you would look at a thing like this and assume you had—” I had to show her. I screwed my eyes shut and pushed myself forward. I kissed Applejack. It was awful. It’s not like I’d ever kissed anypony before. How was I to know what to do? In closing my eyes, I ended up missing, and felt my lips bang into the side of her face. I pushed forward, mashing them against whatever part of her I had hit, and if Applejack had felt stiff at first when I hugged her, this time she was a genuine statue. After a hugely uncomfortable moment, I backed away, and one eye cracked open slowly. Applejack was staring at me, both eyebrows raised. “Twilight,” she said, “what in the hay do you think you’re doing?” That eye slammed tightly shut again. “I’m sorry! This is all wrong! I— I—” I trailed off, waiting for Applejack to start yelling or to slam the door in my face. The silence was even worse. I had to say something to fill it. “I told you this was my fault and it is. I’ve… I’ve liked you for a long time, and I went to Rarity for advice. That was the whole reason for the sleepover for us for tonight. Rarity said she thought you liked mares and we could use it as an opportunity to make sure, and then I could maybe ask you out on a date or something. I had a book about first dates specifically picked out and everything! I never meant for… for… this. But I screwed up and it’s all my fault and now you’re never going to talk to me or Rarity ever again and—” I felt a hoof against my mane, and opened my eyes to find Applejack awkwardly patting the top of my head. “Calm down there, sugarcube.” “But… but…” “I’ll get through this,” Applejack said. “It’s going to take some time, but I’m going to be alright.” She chuckled to herself. “Heck. Seeing you all in a tizzy sort of makes me realize what a lovesick fool I’ve been myself.” I could feel tears welling up and this time wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold them back. “Not that I mean—” she sputtered. “I wasn’t sayin’ that— Aw, tartarus. I went and shoved my hoof in my mouth again.” “It’s okay,” I whispered. “I know what you mean. I’m… I’m glad. You’ll still be my friend? Even with…” “Absolutely,” Applejack said, and I felt her wrap her arms around me in a hug of her own. I took a shuddering breath, guiltily loving being in her arms, even for just a moment like this. When she let go, I felt alone, but less so than a moment previous. “Look, Twi,” she said. “you’re my friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for ya.” My eyes drifted down to the floor as I forced a smile. So that’s what it felt to be on the receiving end of the ‘just a friend’. Unsurprisingly, not very good. “Yes,” I said, “that sounds familiar.” Applejack’s hoof pressed against her forehead. “Aw, for Celestia’s sake. I’m doing the same thing, aren’t I?” “No, I understand,” I murmur. “No, I— That’s not what I meant.” She went silent for a long moment, and I felt her hoof rest against my cheek. I couldn’t stand to look her in the eyes and kept staring at the floor. “I... I love Rarity, Twilight, and that ain't just gonna go away. It's got me all sorts of mixed up, and more than a little hurting. I think I need some time alone, to think. Some time to figure things out for myself.” I nodded stiffly, and heard her exhale. I don't know what I expected – for her to just turn around and jump right into my arms? She loved Rarity. And I was no Rarity. I couldn't even be mistaken for Rarity across a crowded room with the lights off. You could take the wings and the tiara and the castle and stuff them, Applejack knew me for who I was, who I had always been. A nerdy little pony with few social skills and a frustratingly obsessive personality. That's why she could never— “But... I’d give it a try. At least for one date.” I blinked. My ears twitched as I tried to figure out if the stress had caused me to momentarily lose it. “I’m sorry?” I coughed out. “But you better not bring that book of yours. I swear to Celestia I will throw it right out.” “You— I— Really?” “Sure,” Applejack said. She sighed. “You’re a good friend of mine, and maybe it’s just the rejection talking at the moment, but I think it’d do me a world of good to give it a shot with someone who does seem to like me for me.” Her voice dropped to a mutter, so low I couldn’t be sure if I heard her right when she said, “Don’t hurt that you’re pretty cute yourself, least when you get all wound up.” My face still went so red I swear there was steam coming off of it. I wasn’t so sure my brain was working right, but my mouth had settled on a dopey smile without its input. “Then… then… I’ll need to schedule a time. And write a checklist. And…” “And learn how to kiss, cause boy howdy, that ain’t gonna cut it,” Applejack said. “Oh, I, uh—” “Next time, try something like this.” Applejack leaned down and that time our lips met directly. It was quick. Physiologically speaking, just one set of lips in contact with another for a brief period. A very small part of my brain registered the fact that for a farmpony, hers were awfully soft and yielding. The rest if it seemed to be preoccupied with the fireworks going off in my head. Applejack pulled away and immediately winced. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered. She glanced down at me and her eyes widened in alarm. “No. Not you, Twi. Me. I shouldn’ta done that. I’m not thinkin’ right, you’re not thinkin’ right. You deserve better.” I swallowed. “But I want… you.” “And I want…” she trailed off, sighing heavily. “I want to be happy, I guess. And I thought I knew what that meant, but now I’m not so sure. Turns out it’s a lot more complicated problem than you’d think.” I squared my shoulders and stood up straight. “Then let me help?” I said, trying to sound as steady and dependable as possible. I mostly succeeded. “I’m good at complicated problems.” Applejack shook her head, a wry smile and a dismissive comment at the ready, and then she stopped. She looked at me as I tried to keep a stern expression, even as my legs still shivered a little. Her smile turned a hint more genuine. “Yeah. Maybe you are.” She moved past me, stepping out into the hall. “Tell Rarity that I’m sorry, and that I don’t blame her or nothin’.” “Do you have to go?” I asked. “S’for the best,” she called back. “I need some time. But I’m gonna be alright. Don’t you worry.” “Then what am I supposed to do?” I whispered. Somehow she heard me, and stopped short. She looked over her shoulder, and shot me a grin that looked much more like the old Applejack I knew and loved. “Did you forget? You’ve got a date to plan.” “Yes,” I said to myself, feeling the slightest flicker of hope for the first time in this whole painful night. “Yes I do.”
DiamondsWhen Twilight left, following after Applejack, I didn’t blame her one bit. And as the minutes ticked by, and I found myself still waiting, alone, I couldn’t help but view it as a positive sign, one bright light in this night that had otherwise gone so horribly awry. Surely, that meant they were talking, and had stumbled upon a subject worth conversing about in depth. Surely they were managing to salvage things. ...Or Twilight was still standing frozen in a corridor as she diligently tried to work up the nerve to track down an Applejack who had already left for the farm. My hooves shifted, tapping against the floor. That was… unlikely, of course. Probably. Surely! Possibly? I couldn’t do much but wait, regardless. I’d have to put my faith in Twilight. She had not been made a Princess for nothing. She was clever, and brave, and always had the most ineffable knack for coming through when it counted. But that meant sitting alone in the bedroom-slash-party-area, where my thoughts couldn’t help but drift to worries and guilt. I tried to distract myself, first critiquing the room’s decor, making plans to send for some satin curtains in a nice aqua, to brighten up the whole flow and better match the old bookcases that Twilight had insisted on adding. It seemed like she had ensured the addition of shelves to nearly every room in the castle, which gave it all a definite… Twilight-ness, most certainly, even if it made my attempts to establish contrasting themes on a room-by-room basis quite awkward. But solving this room’s fashion problems was a trivial task, and could only hold my attention so long. And without any of my notebooks or access to my fabric, I couldn’t do much in the way of brainstorming for my fall line of apparel— Who was I kidding? I was already months ahead on that too. So I sat and thought, which inevitably led to analyzing the events of the night. What I had said. How, precisely, I had said it. What I could have done differently. As preposterous as it may seem, I had the best of intentions, I swear. I did feel bad in partially deceiving poor Applejack and Twilight, but from the very beginning I had their own interests in heart. Perhaps that makes me arrogant, or meddling. I’ve certainly been called that and worse. But they’re my friends! I couldn’t help but love them and want them to be happy. Together, if that’s what it took. Of course I knew how Applejack felt about me. Unlike certain others, I am astute enough to see the quiet signals, to note the touches that linger too long, the gazes that drift into a wistful longing. And not just from my admiring farmmare – I had picked up on Twilight’s own rather apparent infatuation with Applejack some time ago. It was painful, watching, waiting. Seeing Twilight dance around her feelings. I had begun to assume she would never act, up until she knocked on my door asking for advice. Of course, she had just about run herself ragged in thinking and overthinking the situation. She needed help. She asked for help. I could not leave a friend in need. I had come into the night expecting a certain amount of difficulty in navigating such personal topics, yes, but I didn’t think it would go… quite like it had. Of all the times for Twilight to work up the nerve to push Applejack! I had hoped to gently guide Applejack through her feelings. To allow her to admit her preferences in a safe environment. To help her see the more practical opportunities right there waiting for her. I had never expected her to confess to me so immediately and singlemindedly, but… that was certainly our Applejack. I had simply done what I thought necessary. And… that wasn’t a justification. Affairs of the heart are never simple, and I was a fool to think otherwise. I could only hope— No, I told myself, earnestly trying to convince a still guilty mind. Applejack would be fine. She was strong. She would bounce right back, and Twilight had gone to her side after all. Everypony knows that it’s preferable to rip the bandage off immediately. If I had tried to be gentler, if I had strung her along or tried to preserve her feelings, things might have wound up differently. Ponies would have been hurt. Or… Or, I might have... No, this was the way it had to be. I sighed, the sound loud in the quiet room. I just wish I didn’t feel so horrible all of a sudden. I couldn’t imagine why, but my thoughts more and more turned to red on a field of orange. The more that I assured myself that I had done the right thing, had the right reasons, the more a tiny voice somewhere deep inside cried out the contrary. What if I was wrong? What if I had been wrong from the very beginning? I knew the path I had chosen, but what had I left behind? It’s not odd, I told myself. It was perfectly reasonable and normal to briefly reflect on the could-have-been. Thoughts drifting to lovely fall days split between farm and boutique. Of the difficulties that we would have faced, but could have worked through with a mutual trust and love. The time spent in quiet companionship, as sensibilities rustic and urbane melded together to make something entirely new. Even the fights. Celestia help me, but I couldn’t help but enjoy even the infuriating spats with her. I loved all my friends, don’t get me wrong, but Applejack… Applejack was certainly special to me. For as much as I could be overly dramatic, it seemed like she never failed to know right when to play along, right when to cut through the theatrics with a sharp word, and, most amazing of all, right when I was truly hurt and needed a shoulder to cry on. She was always a joy to be around, bringing light and laughter to any day. I recall the Gala, long ago, when I was enraptured with foolish swooning over that horrible Blueblood and yet it was a brief word with Applejack that brought me the one genuine smile of the night. She was there, diligently running her food stand, always thinking of others above herself. Of all the stallions I had chased, had any of them ever really been her equal? Even all put together, could they match her strength, determination, or work ethic? And her honesty, never a thing used to hurt or tear down, but always building up. Kind thoughts to refresh and reinforce, an encouragement to lead you to believe you could be a better pony, all the while as you knew her words to be absolute truth. I realized that my eyes were dripping for some reason. I dabbed at them gently, not wanting to smear the tasteful amount of makeup I had applied for the night. I was being a silly pony, of course. Applejack was everything that I wasn’t. Where she was open and honest, I built my life on facades and veneers, carefully calibrating everything about myself for the sake of others. I do not mean that as a criticism of myself, nor pure braggadocio. I had worked very hard to be the pony I was today. I had diligently crafted my identity piece by piece over the years, always endeavoring to be the right pony in the right place at the right time. The refined socialite, always with the authority and demeanor to dispense careful advice when needed. The local business owner, well-off and friendly enough such that nopony would turn down my charity out of concern or pride. The normal, well-adjusted mare, well-versed in the details of romance – a virtuous maiden in the classical sense: elegant, beautiful, and of course, straight. My thoughts choked out with a bitter taste in my mouth. ...At times I envied Applejack’s innate ability to just be herself. She had such a lovely self, after all. I sniffed. She would be happy, though. In all honesty, she and Twilight made for quite a pair themselves, Applejack’s steadiness grounding Twilight’s occasional eccentricities, and Twilight’s innate practicality and reasonableness preventing Applejack’s lapses of stubborn self-reliance. As long as those two could break through their infuriatingly guarded exteriors and connect, I was willing to bet that they would be a positively delightful couple. If only I could shake the rather silly image of myself in the picture, instead of— The door banged open, and Twilight stumbled in. The poor dear looked dazed, and I instantly rushed over to be at her side. “Twilight! Darling! What’s wrong? Did it not go well?” I took a deep breath, my heart beating fast as I started running through the best ways to comfort her, to help build up her no doubt shattered confidence. “Dear, there are many ponies in the sea, you know, and—” “I got a date,” she said, sounding amazed at the words coming out of her own lips. Her eyes focused on me, and a smile spread across her face. “Rarity! I got a date!” She grasped both of my forehooves in her own and spun me around, face lighting up with giddy excitement. “Yes yes yes!” she happily chirped. Suddenly she stopped. “A-are you okay?” “Of course, darling,” I murmured. “I’m so happy for you!” That’s what the tears were for. Happy tears. I had my business, my career, my friends. I had been blessed enough as it is. If helping others required me to make certain sacrifices, give up certain desires, push aside idle notions of futures that could have been. Well... There’s truly nothing that I wouldn’t do on behalf of my dear friends.
