A Fool's Bargain

I have no friends nor family. I am surrounded by idiots constantly. It was driving me crazy. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my gun and wrote the note.

“To life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness”

I stuffed the note in my pockets and sat on my bed, placing the gun to the side of my head. I had no emotion at the moment. No sadness, no fear, no loathing. I closed my eyes and squeezed the trigger, but nothing happened. A villainous laugh echoed through my dark room.

“Something the matter?” A voice beckoned. I looked around but there was no one. The voice had a sarcastic, humorous tone to it. It was familiar, almost inviting.

“I’m crazy, aren’t I?” I mused the voice.

“No, not yet.” It replied with a snicker. That voice… who is it?

“Still haven’t figured it out, have you? I’m the Disharmony in your life.”

“Disharmony…” I repeated. Then, it hit me, but I didn’t believe it, this couldn’t be real.

“Oh, it’s quite real.” The face behind the voice materialized, yet I still didn’t believe. I stared at the creature, amazed at his presence.

“Star struck? I know it’s not every day you meet a god.”

“What are you doing here, Discord?” I asked, regaining my composure.

“I saw what you were going to do and I wanted to offer you a second chance. Let me guess, you’re depressed because you’re love life sucks? No, no, no, it’s because you can’t make friends and you’re surrounded by imbecils, am I right?” He said, getting really close to my face. I nodded, not wanted to talk about it.

“Well, today is your lucky day, not only am I going to give you a second chance at making friends, but I’m going to let you do it in the land of friendship itself!”

I instantly perked up. I didn’t believe him, I didn’t even trust him. I had to ask,

“What’s the catch?”

“Only that you let me give you a little introduction to the land and give you a little makeover.”

What he had planned couldn’t be worse than here. Nothing can be worse than here. I agreed. Discord smiled and snapped his fingers, sending shivers down my spine. I felt something coil around my arm. Before I had a chance to react my arms were bound behind my back. I tried to scream, only to discover I no longer had a mouth. I began breathing heavily, not able to get enough air through my nose.

“Shhh, relax…” Discord said, putting a finger over where my mouth used to be, “Time to see what ponies are really like. We’ll save your favorite for last.”

A window appeared, showing Spike in a dim lit room. He had a collar and what looked to be mascara on. He looked like he’d been crying. A door swung open, flooding the room with light.

“You have another customer, Spike. He’s got five minute.” It was Twilights voice. The stallion stepped forward. All I could see was his hooves and his…. My eyes widened. What the fuck! This couldn’t be happening. I closed my eyes, but Discord forced them back open.

“You need to watch this, it was part of the agreement.” He said. He began to laugh sadistically as I watched Spike begin to… pleasure the stallion. I felt my stomach churn and vomit filled my mouth and sit there, having nowhere to go. Those five minutes felt like an eternity. The stallion finished on Spike face and Spike gladly thanked him for it. As the stallion left the room Spike burst into tears, quietly sobbing. The window faded to black.

“And we’re just getting started. How fun.” Discord said, whirling me around to another window.

Rainbow Dash was doing wing-ups in her cloud house, counting aloud. She was drenched in sweat and seemed to be struggling.

“Two hundred and forty-two… two hundred and forty-three…” She puffed. She collapsed after the last number.

“No, no, NO!” She screamed, “I need to do better!”

She trotted through the house to her room and rummaged through a drawer. She pulled out a syringe and uncapped it. She plunged the needle into her rump and let its content flow into her system. She replaced the needle and immediately started doing wing-ups again.

“It won’t show up on any kind of drug test.” Discord stated as the window faded. This window had the least profound impact of the lot, but still it hit hard.

Discord dragged me to another window.

This one had a beat up looking Applebloom. Her nose was bleeding and her eye was nearly swollen shut. Tears stained her yellow check. Merely this sight broke my heard and I nearly started crying, but what came next was much worst.

“Can’t you do anything right?!” A voice demanded. An orange hoof stuck Applebloom across the face, knocking her to the floor. The window turned and revealed Applejack as the assailant.

“Ah told yah not to touch the cart!” She shouted.

“A-ah’m sorry sis.” Applebloom got out between sobs. Applejack stuck her again. From the door in the background Scootaloo and Sweetbelle watched as their friend got abused. Blackness filled the window. I was in tears. Discord began to stroke my hair. It was strangely comforting.

“Were halfway there.” He sing-songed. On to the next window.

This one was of an alley, and by the muffled music I was guessing it was a bar or club. A stallion stood over a disheveled and drunken white mare. Rarity was leaning against the wall next to a dumpster. The stallion said something to her, but because of the music I couldn’t hear what. Rarity replied and the stallion seemed to become angry. He grabbed Rarity by the neck and dragged her into the alley. He then forced himself on her… several times. She screamed and cried, but no one heard her. The stallion left her there when he was done and walked away. Once again, darkness.

“Those stains don’t wash out.” Discord said with a laugh. I laughed too. Why did I laugh? What’s wrong with me?

Another window…

This one was straight and to the point. It was Pinkie and she with three stallions. She was just… taking it from them. Each their own hole. She was enjoying it. It was like someone was slowly inserting a knife into my heart. More tears weld up in my already sore eyes. I wish I had just pulled the trigger…

After the window went black Discord stepped out in from of me and looked me dead in the eyes. My expression was deadpan, it couldn’t be anything else.

“You’re ready.” He stated and snapped his fingers. An immense pain shot through my body. It was indescribable. My body broke and rebroke itself to change to what Discord wanted. I collapsed to the ground and blacked out, I don’t know for how long. I woke up and pushed myself to my new feet. Discord held a mirror up to me. I looked almost exactly like him, the only difference being I had retained my shaggy brown hair and didn’t have his goatee.

“I think we’re done here.” He said with a smile. I just looked at him, emotionless.

“Time to go to the land of Ponies and Sunshine.” He said, snapping his fingers one last time.

I stood in front of a wooden sign that read, “Welcome to Ponyville”