One Week At A Time

by 1pony4all

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 8866

Your's truly has been teleported to Equestria through a rather silly chain of events. Stuck until the Princesses and Twilight can send me back, I'm forced to live in Ponyville for weeks on end. Every week I'm given a new job to earn my small living quarters. Silliness ensues.

This is a semi-parody Human in Equestria story written strictly for laughs and goofiness. Please treat it as such.

Published 2011-07-13 22:33:33 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-01 03:10:09 UTC

Down The Pony Tubes

Princess Luna was in her study. She had been in there for days on end, only coming out to eat and raise the moon (and even then she sometimes just did if from that room). Her elder sister, Princess Celestia was beginning to worry about the blue pony goddess. She approached the heavy wooden door and knocked lightly.

tap... tap... tap...

No response. She tried again, slightly louder this time.

knock... knock... knock...

She could swear she heard papers rustling that time. One last time.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"EEP!" came a small cry from inside the study, fallowed closely by a very large crashing noise and what Celestia swears was a cat screeching.

Celestia spoke from behind the closed door, " Luna? Luna are you alright?"

"Oooooooooow..." came a small groan from behind the door fallowed by more sounds of papers shuffling, a chair being stood back up, broken glass being pushed aside and... was that a chicken? The door slowly pulled back a crack and Luna's head popped out. "Oh, hi sis." A nervous smile on her face, "Good evening."

Celestia gently tried to push the door open farther, curious of what was going on in that room, "It's morning Luna." She said in a deadpan tone, "You missed moon rise last night."

Luna's eyes widened, partiality because of missing the moon raising, but mostly because her sister was trying to push her way into her study, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I just got...uh... caught up? THAT'S IT! I got caught up in my studying!" She pressed her body against the door more forcefully.

Celestia backed off of the door, "I understand it's hard to catch up after you've been gone for so long..." She looked at her sister with genuine concern, "but I haven't seen you at dinner for days now. Are you eating properly in there?"

Luna let out a small sigh as she let the pressure off of the door, "Of course I'm eating properly," she said with a small smile, happy that her secret was safe for the time being, "Conjuring up a plate of food now and again is no problem." Then she saw it, a small glint in Celestia's eye fallowed shortly by a tiny, barely noticeable smile. A smile only the two of them could ever know of, you learn these things being sisters.

Quickly, Luna went to slam the door shut but she was too late, Celestia has already charged the door, knocking it wide open and Luna a few feet back. Her eyes widened when she got a full loot at what was going on. "What int the name of...?"

"I-I-I-I can explain!" Luna shouted

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was a balmy 89 degrees in Suburban Town USA as a young man walked down the street, toward his home. The man was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a black t-shirt and his favorite tan button up shirt on top and was carrying the messenger bag that seemed to be perpetually attached to his shoulder. He had music playing on his earphones and was rather enjoying the overall nice (if not somewhat humid) day.

He rounded into the driveway of his home and proceeded toward the back door. As soon as he unlocked said door, he was greeted by loud howls and whines coming from the basement, signs that the two dongs were happy he had come home. After taking his shoes off in the kitchen, he noticed that the dishes needed to be attended to... soon.

As the young man proceeded to his room to stow away his bag, he took note that the house seemed empty sans for him and the dogs, his parents seemed to have left. After setting the bag down, he took a moment to preform his daily ritual of looking around his room, telling himself to clean it, and promptly forgetting the event ever happened as he sat down at his computer, eager to check on the latest Brony news.

"Hmmmm... Derpyhooves, Equestria Daily... Oo new drawfriend, hmmmmm..." He muttered to himself while cheacking all of the new fanworks he could find. He idly pressed the play button built into his keyboard, playing the most recent playlist on his computer, EurobeatBrony's Super Pony Beat. "Ponychan... Oh /oat/, you so crazy... Huh... well, thats about it for now."

The man spun around in his chair and faced the wall opposite his computer. The glanced over the handful of posters and the wall, depicting a cosmic bounty hunter in an orange suit of high-tech armor, a three and a half foot tall blue hedgehog and a plumber with a stereotypical Italian accent to name a few. All of these things were reminders of a different time in his life, a different fandom he had gotten caught up in. Reminded him of good times and good friends he had mad along the way. There was an empty space on the wall.

"Heh heh heh," The man chuckled to himself, "one day... one day..." He walked out of his room to start on the dishes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Luna!?!" Celestia cried, transfixed on the phenomena in the room. "What is going on here?"

In the far corner, partially hidden behind a bookcase, was what could only be described as a sideways tornado that had the narrow part chopped off. Every so often, something, or somepony, would be spit out of it, dazed, but intact.

Luna tried to explain herself, "I-I-I was experimenting with a new form of teleportation spell, one that would allow for a much longer jump than the twenty to thirty feet the current one allows for normal unicorns." She looked over at the vortex and sighed, "Then this happened. I don't know what it is exactly, but I've been studying it." The vortex spit out a rather confused looking black dog, a leash still attached to it's collar. Luna looked at Celestia and gave an akward smile, "A-a-and I've been sending things back to their rightful places of course." She walked over to the dog and read it's ID tag, and promptly sent it to the address printed there.

Celestia was dumbfounded, she could only think of one question, "Luna, how do we get rid of it?"

"That's the problem..." Luna said sadly, "I don't know how to." Celestia shot her a glare. "YET! Don't know how to yet." She gave another nervous smile. "What I have figured out is that it seems like the spell is incomplete." She motioned to the vortex, "This point is fixed here and does not move, but the other end seems to be jumping all around Equestria-"

"-and sucking up random things..." Celestia interrupted, she turned and looked her sister in the eyes, "Luna, I've never seen any magic like this before... Where did you come up with it?"

Luna suddenly became very interested in the floor around her hooves, "Well, I didn't spend a thousand years on the moon with out coming up with an escape plan... but I never finished my work. Later on I thought the spell might be helpful around Equestria, so I began to work on it again."

Celestia sighed and once again began to examine the vortex, "So, if we are able to finish the spell and lock down the other end, will you be able to stop it?"

Luna walked closer to the swirling mass, "The spell was designed to last for ten seconds once cast. Theoretically, if we were able to lock down the other end, if would eventually just stop on it's own."

"Well?" Celestia looked at Luna expectantly.

"Well what?" Luna looked frustrated, "I was about to make another attempt right before you barged in here."

"Just make sure you lock it somewhere far, far away so we don't have anymore uninvided guests."

"Don't worry sis," Luna turned back to the vortex again, her horn began to glow, "I'll send it to a place so far away, nopony will ever breath the air from the same planet."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Finally done." The young man returned to his room after finishing the formidable stack of dishes. He sat down once again in front of his computer, happily clicking away at what ever struck his fancy: Youtube videos, browsing deviantArt, checking the weather for the next day, back to ponychan... wait...

There was a new thread on the front page of /oat/.

"Your are transported to Equestria by a wayward teleportation spell! What's your reaction?

The man scoffed at the silly thread, he had never taken these kinds of things seriously. He let his curiosity get the better of himself though as he began to read the replies.

I'd fall over dead on the spot!

I'd race over to Fluttershy's place to see all the critters!

I'd bang Twilight

STFY troll!

You spelled stfu wrong

Yep, it was typical /oat/. The young man laughed quietly to himself, then he began to wounder, "How would I react? I might not ever see my family or friends again..." While contemplating this thought, he failed to notice a stiff breeze ah kicked up in his room. That is, until it blew all of the paper off of his desk.

"What the-" He was cut off by a loud BANG! The man whirled around to see a swirling vortex had formed right behind him.

"Lun-.......t workin....?"

"....ink so.........ust a lit.....re!"

"Were those... voices?" the man had little time to continue this line of thought as he was being sucked into the vortex. He wraped his arms around his drawing desk.

"Jus.....ore secon.....!

NO......y notes!

A few pieces of yellowed paper fluttered past the man's face right before the suction knocked the desk over, falling on his arm. The pain forced him to let go and be sucked into the vortex, just as it closed up.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"It's closing!" Cried Princess Luna, she could feel the magic slowly ebbing away... but she also felt something differ-WHAM! Something flew out of the portal and slammed into the Blue alicorn, sending her and the object tumbling into a bookcase near the door.

Celestia rushed over to check on her sister, "Luna! Are you alright?" She used her magic to pick up the large object off of her sister, haphazardly tossing it against a nearby wall.

"I-I'm fine." Luna got to her feet, she was a bit unsteady, "The vortex?"

"It's gone, but we picked up another strange object before it closed."

"Tell me about it..." Luna said, shaking her head a bit, "It weighs a ton."

"Uuuuuuugggghhhhhnnnnn..." A moan escaped the lump of an object.

Luna was startled, "Is that... thing alive?" She cocked her head to one side and the object began to rise up off the ground.

"Ow my head..." The young man got to his feet, hand pressed against his forehead. He went to take a look around, but found he couldn't pry his eyes away from the two brightly colored, winged, horned ponies in front of him.

"It can talk?" Celestia thought aloud.

The man's head tilted to one side, his brain unable to process what was in front of him. He took a step closer.

Celestia quickly stepped in front of her sister in a protective stance, her horn glowing, "Stay back Luna!"

It clicked, That name was the last piece of the puzzle. The man was in Equestria.

Suddenly, the room grew cold and dark. The man felt a sense of vertigo and fell to the floor.

The Sisters Royal

“Unnnhhhgggghhhhhh...” I moaned loudly as I started to come to.

“Oh, he's awake!” A voice said from what sounded like a couple dozen feet away.

I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry. I tried to sit up, but something held me down. Rapidly blinking to clear up my vision, I tried to figure out where I was. I seemed to be in a large, white room filled with beds set up side by side just a few feet from each other. The smell of antiseptic surrounded me. A hospital. Standing over me was... a pony? My head started to feel light again.

“Sir? SIR!” The white unicorn mare shouted at me, “Sir, I need you to stay calm! Nurse!”

A blue colored unicorn mare trotted over with a small bowl of water. She proceeded to splash a small amount on my face with her magic. The shock brought me out of my stupor. “Wah- huh?!” I incoherently said.

“Sir, please try to remain calm.” Said the white pony, she was using her magic to hold me down.

I blinked over and over again, expecting to wake up from a dream. It didn't happen. “You- y-y-y-y—you're real!?” I stopped trying to sit up, but I was shaking uncontrollably.

“I am very real sir, please take a deep breath and try to calm yourself.” She looked at me with serious, blue eyes.

I took one deep breath, then another, soon, my shaking slowed and finally stopped. The reality had set in. I looked at the ceiling, “This is really happening...” I muttered.

The nurse sighed and her horn stopped glowing. I felt the pressure release from my chest. I noticed she had bright blond hair. “Nurse!” She yelled for the blue unicorn again, she quickly trotted over yet again.

“Yes Dr. Pureheart?”

“Let the princess know our guest has woken.”

“At once doctor.” The blue mare quickly ran off from the gymnasium sized room.

The doctor turned back to me. “Sir... could you tell me your name?”

“My name.. I'm K-” Suddenly, a thousand thoughts ran through my head. One in particular stuck out. “If I'm here, am I in the show?”

Nobody that really knew me would recognize me in the show... but word might spread... Nobody must know. That left me with a dilemma... What WAS my name?

“I... errr...” I stammered, reaching out for anything I could grasp. “Name... name... screen name...?” That was it, my screen name. It would work fine for the time being. “My name is 1pony4all.” I said with a smile... then I realized exactly how stupid that sounded being spoken aloud.

Luckily, the doctor didn't have time to question my impromptu name, as the nurse had returned with none other than Princess Celestia herself and two guards in tow. The doctor gave a small bow, “Ah, princess!” she said as she brought her head back up, “Out guest has woken, he seems far more calm now than you described when you brought him in.”

“Good, good. Is it alright to talk with him?” The princess asked. She was almost twice the doctor's size.

“I-it should be fine.”

“Good, that is all for now doctor.” The princess smiled and the doctor and nurse walked off leaving me facing a bright white monarch and two of her guards. My stomach tensed up. “Can you tell me your name?” She asked politely.

I sat up on the edge of the bed. “My name is 1-” The though of saying that name was just too wired... but it had to be done. “...1pony4all.” The princess eyed me, she seemed to almost be reading my mind... wait...

“Okay then... 1pony. Interesting name.” She giggled slightly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the two guards exchange glances and shrug. The Princess continued, “I must admit, I've never seen a being like you before. You're not a pony obviously... what do you call you're self?”

I nervously looked around the room, “What am I doing here? This is crazy.” My mind was still working on overdrive, but I manged to answer the question, “I'm called a human.” Then I broke into one of my infamous babbling fits, “Scientifically Homo Sapien which is Latin for wise man or knowing man. A mammalian species of the primate family-” I stopped myself just shy of going on about the origins of the species when I noticed the dumbfounded look on the princess's face. “Errr... human. Just human.”

The princess blinked, then regained her composer, “I see... I do not believe your kind exist anywhere here in Equestria.” She looked down slightly and sighed, “I'm sorry... 1pony... but it seems you might be in for a long wait while we try to figure out how to get you home.”

I lowered myself back onto the pillow on my bed, “How did this happen?” I muttered to myself.

“Actually, about that...” Celestia looked a bit sheepish, it betrayed her usual regal presence. She looked at the guards behind her, “One of you, go and fetch Princess Luna.”

The guard on the left saluted with his hoof, “Yes your highness.” He galloped off.

Celestia turned her attention back to me, “You see, I actually know why you are here-”

I shot up once again, “Wait what!?” I cut her off.

“...partially, anyway.” The princess finished. I realized how rude I had probably just sounded. “You see, this is all just a big accident.”

I thought back to my last, non-pastel colored memory, “I remember something, a tornado or something... in my room...” I thought out loud, “It knocked over my desk and sucked me in... then...” I though hard.

The princess blushed and lowered her head, “A-a-anything else?” She stammered.

I racked my brain for any more details, “The vortex must have thrown me into the wall... I don't remember anything else.”

The princess let out a relived sigh, “Yeah... the vortex...”

The door opened again, the guard had returned, fallowed by Princess Luna, her star filled mane flowing gently behind her. I noticed my jaw was agape yet again, I thought if I would ever get used to seeing them fore real.

“I can't believe this... they're both real.” I muttered.

Luna arched an eyebrow, “WHAT DOES THOU MEAN, REAL!?” Her magicly amplified voice reverberated around (and probably right through) the walls. I was nearly knocked out of my bed.

“Luna!” Celestia snapped, “We've discussed this.”

“Oh... r-right.” Luna blushed slightly, “My apologies, old habit.”

“A thousand years old...” I muttered yet again/

Celestia looked at me in shock, “H-how do you know that!?”

I kicked myself under my blanket to remind myself to keep my mouth shut, “I-I... Uhhhhh... I...” I stammered dumbly. “How crazy would it sound? Your lives are all a story for children! You're not even real! Yeah, real smooth...thinkthinkthink...” My mind raced, trying desperately to find a non-moon banishing explanation for my inexplicable knowledge. “Uhhhh... it's uhh... and expression? Yes! It's an expression where I'm from, the older they habit, the harder to kick... right?” I smiled awkwardly.

Luna seemed satisfied by the explanation as she simple nodded and sat down next to her sister. Celestia however seem to have reservations, but she continued, “As I was saying, this was an accident. My sister, Luna, was experimenting with a new kind of spell, a long distance teleportation spell.”

Luna spoke up, “Yes, I originally designed it to improve upon the limitations of out current teleportation spell that limits us to...” She started to rattle off a lot of facts and figures about things I didn't understand.

Once again, my mind began to wander off about where I was, would I ever get home? Would I ever see my family or friends again? The thought finally hit me, I might never go home again. The sudden downturn of my expression must have caught Celestia's eye and she quickly held her hoof up to stop Luna's stream of consciousness.

“The point is, this is our fault, and we are very sorry. I assure you, we will do everything in our power to return you to your home.” She sounded truly apologetic. Her voice inspired confidence in me.

“Thank you.” Was all I could muster.

At that moment, a green wisp of smoke flew in through one of the high up windows, down to Celestia where it transformed into a scroll. Celestia quickly picked up the scroll with her magic, “My apologies 1pony, I need to take care of this. I'll be back in a moment.” She took the scroll and left me there with her smaller, darker colored sister.

Princess Luna stared at me with cold eyes, she was far more intimidating than her sister. “That makes sense,” I thought to myself, “she was Nightmare Moon...” Then it struck me, I was a few feet away from one of the coolest villains I could remember from the past few years of television. An inspiration to my writing and my more dramatic flair for story telling. I looked at her, not realizing the stupid grin on my face.

Luna blinked, taken aback from my sudden change of demeanor, “Right... so, tell me, what are the peoples like where you are from.” It was an awkward attempt at conversation to say the least.

“My people?” I paused to conciser what I should say, I had just been made ambassador to the entire human race to ponykind. My shoulders suddenly felt very heavy. “Well, we are a very culturally diverse people, rich in heritage. We always strive to better ourselves...” I trailed off, realizing I sounded like every science fiction character that was making first contact with an alien race.

The deep blue princess shook her head, “That's just political mumbo jumbo,” I tried my best to stifle a snort of laughter at the phrase “mumbo jumbo”, I half succeeded, “I meant, what are the people you know like? Your friends?”

I stopped cold, I had grown up a recluse having only a few very close friends my whole life out side of my immanent family, I often though that might be why I liked the show so much. “Well... I've never been really all that good around people.” I shrugged, “People tend to think of me as abrasive.”

To my surprise, Luna smiled slightly, “I think I know how you feel, When I returned to the kingdom after my... absence, I was amazed by how much the people had changed, yet I was still the same. Stuck in old habits and mannerisms. I was lucky enough to make some friends that understood me and why I was the way I was. They helped me to adapt and better myself. Surely you have friends like that?”

“I... well I do...” The though brought a small twinge of guilt to the base of my neck. I though of the last time I had spoken to my best friend, about the argument we had. I wished I could go back and make it right. I noticed Celestia had returned.

Celestia smiled softly, “You remind me of somepony I know.” She walked back over to her sister, “In fact, that letter was from her. I was wondering, since we really don't have any room here at the castle, and due to the local's... shall I say... particular taste in company,” The princess seemed concerned about what she was about to say, “and since it's probably going to take a while before we can send you home,” I admired her ability to cut straight to the point... no matter how much it hurt, “if I could offer you a place to stay in a not too far off village. I assure you the people there are friendly to strangers, and you will be supervised by my personal student.”

I instantly knew who she meant... Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia was shipping me off to Ponyville.

“H-how long am I going to be here?”

Celestia sighed, “We can't be sure, we have out top mages studying the remnants of the spell that brought you her, plus myself and Luna will spend out free moments assisting them. I promises you, we will send you back as soon as we can.”

There I was, a human in Equestria, just like all the fan fictions I had groaned at. I should have been happy, I was living a dream. To live in a world with out war or crime. A world where everybody was treated fairly, where neighbors all smiled at one another and everybody was friends with each other. It was happening, and all I could think about was my family and how much I missed them.

“I guess I don't have a choice.” I admited.

Celestia nodded and rose to her hooves, “Excellent, I shall inform the mayor at once to acquire a place for you to stay.”

I gave her a small smile. “Thank you Princess.”

As Celestia left the room, Luna stood up and looked at me one more time, “Her student's name is Twilight Sparkle. She can be a bit odd, but she has a genuinely good heart. She's one of the ponies that helped me. Perhaps you to could learn from her and her friends.” She walked out the door behind her sister. I thanked her as she walked out before sitting up fully on my bed.

“To think... here I am, in Equestria, living the dream. It's going to be a long, long time.” I though to myself. I decided to stretch my legs and walked around the large room. I had only ever seen a hospital room like this once before, when my local hospital was out of room and they set up a makeshift recovery room at a local high school gym. There were four rows of beds, one down each wall, and two down the middle set up head to head. There were no privacy screens aside from two corners at the back end of the room where I assumed were the showers for patients. I guess when everybody knows each other, privacy isn't in as high of demand...”

The entire room was empty, there were no patients in any of the beds and the nurse had not returned since being asked to leave. I wandered down to the far end of the room, there was a mirror on the wall. For the first time I got a look at my self in this new world. My entire body had been stylized, most of the features on my face were removed, facial hair, the card from when I was first learning to ride my bike as a child, all of it was a flat, outlined, cream colored circle. My eyes were overly large and bright teal, my hair was nothing more than a collection of light brown spikes on top of my head. My body was also interesting. I no longer had my tan colored button up, instead I had a black T-shirt and a red trench coat with green cargo pants. “Great... now I even look like a poorly designed OC...” I moved my fingers into the shape of a gun and pointed at the mirror, “Stop right there, crime doesn’t pay when officer Donut Steel is on the job!” I realized how stupid I sounded and looked. I walked away from the mirror glad that nobody was in the room to see me.

I returned to my bed and noticed that something was under it. I bent down to discover, “My bag!” I exclaimed loudly to nobody in particular. My black messenger bag was underneath the bed, it still had all of it's contents in it, my note book, my binder, all of my drawing pencils and paper, even some job applications I had forgotten to take out the other day. It was all there I happily swung the bag over my shoulder and smiled, the bag always felt like a part of me, I never left my house with out it and it filled me with happiness that it somehow made it to Equestria with me.

Dr Pureheart returned to the room, “Mr. 1pony?” I turned to face her, “The princess told me to give you this.” She levitated an envelope to me.

I quickly opened it, inside were two tickets and a note:

“There is Royal business I have to attend to. These tickets are for the train to the Village I told you about, Ponyville. I have ranged for a carriage to take you there, it's waiting gust outside the castle. My Student, Twilight will be waiting for you at the train station. I'll send word to you as soon as I can to make sure you are settled.

-Princess Celestia”

I folded the letter back up and placed it inside of my bag.

“I'll have the guard escort you to the carriage.” The doctor said as she waved one of the pegasus guards into the room.

I thanked the kind doctor and fallowed the guard through the grand corridors of the castle and to the carriage. The bright pink carriage shaped like a heart. I sighed as I opened the door and stepped in, “I'm never going to get used to this...” I thought as the carriage began to roll down the street to the train station.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Author's Note: Due to the amount of time that has passed between this chapter and the last, heavy revisions to the story have been made to fit more nicely into the canon that exists around the show. This story no longer takes place in the same universe as my other stories and is much closer to the show's universe.

Also, my new found, cartoonish features are based off of the first, original character I ever created back in middle school.

Of Housing and Pancakes

Chugga chugga... chugga chugga...

The train was quite nice on the inside, wood panel floors, the seats were really soft and there was more leg room than I knew what to do with. The walls were painted a charming lime green and had ornate patterns near the ceiling. I had a window seat and watched the rapidly moving horizon rush pass the train.

I sat alone in the empty car, both to my discontent and thankfulness. A lot of ponies stared at me at the station back in Canterlot , guess there really wasn't anything like a human in this world after all. Even the conductor had to pick his jaw off the floor to take my ticket. Just another thing I was going to have to get used to.

My thoughts drifted as the train rolled along, seemed my mind had finally processed the events of the day. One particular thought stood out in my head... clothes. I only had the one pair that came with me, I hate dirty clothes. “I supposed I could ask Rarity...” I felt a pang in my stomach, that thought just didn't feel right.

More important thoughts drifted though my hazy consciousness, how would I explain how I knew them? Could I continue to hide it? Did I even manage to hide it? Should I hide it? My head started to ache. I decided to rummage though my bag to see what else had made the dimensional trip with me.

All the same things I had seen before, the Princess' letter, my ticket stub for the train ride all resided in the main pocket, but as I started to check the side pockets, I also found my MP3 player, my key ring and a pack of gum. Surely I was ready to take on Discord himself single handed. I flipped on the MP3 player to help pass the time.

A few hours passed and the train finally pulled into Ponyville Station. I thanked the conductor as I stepped off the train and took a look around. It was a simple, open air platform connected to a dull pink building that looked more like a house than a train station. A large window was directly in front of me, the teller, a yellow colt with a messy, light brown mane, stared slack jawed at me. To my right was a simple door leading into the building. I approached the teller.

“Excuse me...”

“It can talk...” he mumbled, barely audible... barely.

I cleared my thought noisily, “Excuse me, I'm supposed to meet Twilight Sparkle here.” I said firmly, annoyed at his rude comment.

The colt shook his head quickly, “O-oh yes, shes waiting just inside,” he smiled weakly, “Go on in through that door.” He motioned toward the door.

I went in without another word. “Some people...” I thought to myself.

The interior was... more pink. There were a few benches set up along the far wall near the entrance. There was a desk on my left, the same yellow pony sat behind it, still staring. The place was empty.

“I thought you said she was waiting here?”

“Uhhh... I...” The pony stammered. To my right, I heard the unmistakeable sound of a toilet flushing fallowed by what sounded like some hasty splashing of water in a sink.

“Ah ha.” I mumbled and stepped away from the door of the woman’s... filly’s restroom just in time for a purple unicorn mare to come trotting out. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw me.

“Oh good, you're here. Right on schedule!” she said in a cheery tone. She trotted over to me and extended her hoof. “My name is Twilight Sparkle.”

For the first time, I fully took into account the size of the ponies around me. Though I had no idea how tall I was after my... transformation, I was about a head taller than every pony other than the princesses and the guards at the castle. Twilight had to arch her foreleg up and what looked like a very awkward angle to make it near my hand.

I grasped her hoof in my hand, “Pleased to meet you. I'm...” I sighed slightly, “...1pony.” Nope, still wasn’t used to it.

Twilight's face became slightly more serious, bur remained fairly happy, “The princess explained the situation to me. I'd love to make small talk, but we need to hurry to the Mayor's office, she's putting a hold on a very important meeting for us right now.”

“We better get going then.” I said as I turned to walk out the entrance. I felt a force around my left hand gently pull me back, I turned to see it enveloped in a vibrant purple light.

Twilight was holding me back, “No time to walk, just hold still...” Her horn began glowing more brightly.

My mind began to race, “Ho boy, is this the teleportation spell? I always wondered what it would be-” Suddenly, I wasn't in the train station anymore. “-like.” I finished my thought. I was in a beige colored room standing next to a purple double door.

Twilight took a step towards the door, “Here we are.”

“That was... what was that?” I said stupidly.

Twilight looked slightly annoyed, “I'll explain later, come on.” She used her magic on my hand again to pull me forward as she opened the door.

On the other side was a deep purple room in the shape of a big dome. There was one large window directly opposite the door with a beautifully craved wooden desk in front of it. Behind the desk sat The Mayor, a beige colored pony with a light gray mane and a small pair of glasses. She looked very serious I might add. She was looking at some papers on her desk, a quill clasped tight between her teeth. She looked up when she heard the door shut.

“Ah, Twilight, you're a bit early.” She said after setting the quill down in an ink pot. “Please, sit down.” She motioned to a couple of benches in front of her desk.

Twilight moved forward, still leading me around by the wrist. She sat on the bench on the left of the desk, I sat on the right. The Mayor just looked at use intently. She did not seem happy...

Twilight broke the rather awkward silence, “Miss Mayor, I assume you got my letter?”

The Mayor shuffled a few papers on her desk with her hoofs, “Yes, I did. It 's not every day I receive requests from the Princess herself.” She pulled out a sheet of parchment.

“Then I assume everything is settled?” Twilight asked.

The Mayor looked at me, “You seem to be the quiet type.” Her tone of voice was pure apathy.

Uncomfortable doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. “I-I Don't talk much...” I felt myself shrink into my seat. This mare was imposing.

The Mayor looked back at her desk and pulled another paper from the pile, “There is one complication with the Princess' request I'm afraid.”

Twilight looked slightly shocked, “Complication? Like what?”

“The Princess requested for this...” The Mayor looked back at me again, “My apologies but, you're clearly not a pony... what is the polite way to refer to you?”

I gulped, “Uhhh... 'person' will work I guess...”

“Right,” The Mayor went back to the paper, “She requested this person be given lodging for the time being. The problem is that Ponyville is in the middle of a real estate boom. There is only one available home for him to stay.”

“I was under the impression that he would be staying with me at the library?” Twilight interjected.

The Mayor sighed, “Twilight, the library is not a home. In all honestly, you shouldn't be living there. It was on the orders of the princess herself that we renovated the attic into a living space for you to stay. I can't allow another pony... I mean person to stay there. It would be against fire code.”

“Well what about Applejack?” Twilight offered, “Sweet Apple Acres is a big place, he could stay there just fine.”

The Mayor arched an eyebrow, “In the barn?”

Twilight shrunk back.

“The problem isn't that I can't let him stay there, he's more than welcome,”

“'He' is sitting right here...” I thought bitterly.

“...the problem is that the house is for rent, and I can't just usurp the property.” The Mayor handed the sheet of paper to Twilight, “If he is to stay there, he'll need to pay the rent, or at the very least make an effort to do so.”

Twilight looked over the sheet of paper, “ I guess that's reasonable...” She said, a defeated tone in her voice. She levitated the paper to me, “What do you think 1pony?”

The paper was a simple contract:

“I, ______________ hereby agree under prenatally of law that I will pay at least 50% of the monthly rent of this residence. I acknowledge that if I do not meet the full 100% of the price, but still meet the 50% minimum, the remainder will be paid for by the city as requested by Princess Celestia of Equestria. I also acknowledge that if I fail to meet the 50% minimum for the month that I will be given seven days to meet the minimum price, or to vacate the premises.

X______________________________”

I stared blankly at the paper, reading the words, but not comprehending them. “I... uhhh...”

“The conditions are simple, pay at least half of the rent every month and you can continue to live at the house.” The Mayor said, resting her head on her hooves propped up on the table. The light from the window made her glasses shine brightly.

The gears in my head finally clicked into place, “Oh, yes. This seems more than fair...” The Mayor's complete lack of emotion was throwing me for a loop.

Twilight perked up, “But how is he going to get the bits for the rent?”

The mayor pulled another piece of parchment from her desk, “I've made arrangements for that to. I've been discussing it with a few local employers.” She handed the paper to me this time, “We have come to the agreement that you will be allowed to work for them for at least one week each, with a full paycheck at minimum wadge each week.”

“A few?” I thought, awestruck with the list that was easily fifty entries long, ranging from Weather Patrol duty to baking at Sugar Cube Corner.

The Mayor continued, “The schedule is that you will work five days each week, Monday through Friday. This schedule may change depending on the job however and your hours will be dependent on your employer's discretion. The pay is also different for each job, some jobs will pay more for minimum wadge than others. It will be up to you to budget for your needs.”

“I see...” I said in the short break in The Mayor's explanation.

“Today is Sunday, so you will begin your first job tomorrow. You will be working for the city, specifically in the Library with Twilight. After that, I'll leave the choice to you where to go for each passing week. Also, some employers may request for you to stay on for longer, the choice will be yours of course.”

For the second time in one day, I felt I had lost a battle I didn't know I was fighting. I glanced at Twilight, looking for reassurance. She just frowned at me. I sighed, “I don't really have a choice then, do I?”

“Then you agree to the terms?” The Mayor said with a raised eyebrow.

I looked her in the eyes, “I do ma'am.”

“Excellent, just sign on the line here.” She tapped the contract with her hoof. I quickly scrawled my chosen name on the dotted line. “Well then, a pleasure meeting you Mr. 1pony, if you'll excuse me, I have a very important meeting now. Twilight can show you around the town.” I nodded and Twilight and I left the building.

Once outside, we walked in silence for a bit, I took note of various ponies staring at me. It was about midday, the sun was high in the cloudless sky. A few Pegasi flew over head. I made a mental note to be ready to jump out of the way should a full sized pony drop out of the sky above me.

Twilight finally broke the silence. “Well that could have gone better...” she said, dejected.

“You can say that again.” I replied, equally dejected.

“But, it's not so bad.” She pulled the paper the mayor handed us out of her saddle bag, “Look here, it's two floor, one bedroom, one bath. It has a full sized living room and an extra room for storage!” Her attitude sure did change quickly, she was almost bouncing while reading off the facts, “Oh, and it's not that far from Sugar Cube Corner!”

“Was that a fat joke? Wait... Sugar Cube corn- OOF!” I was jerked from my thoughts as I tripped over something and fell flat on my face.

Twilight knelt down, “Are you alright 1pony?”

“Ouchies...”

“Wait... that wasn't me...” I thought. Suddenly, I was lifted into the air by... pink?

“Oh my gosh, Pinkie!” Twilight gasped, “Are you alright?”

The puffy-haired pink pony below me giggled, “I'm fine, just got a monkey on my back.” she snorted and wiggled her hind quarters.

“A what now?” Twilight asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Oh nothing.” Pinkie gave a small buck and I fell off her back with a resounding thud.

“Ugh, anybody get the number of that station wagon?” I grumbled as I got to me feet.

Pinkie giggled as she pressed her face up to mine, “That's silly. Wagons can't be stations. Do you have any idea how many ponies it would take to drag around an entire station? It would take like a thousand guards. Unless they were enchanted by the princess herself, then I guess they could do it with about ten or so.” She paused for a blessed, brief moment, “Oh! I've never seen you around. Whats your name? I'm Pinkie Pie. Ohohoh, you're new, that means I need to throw a party for you. Do you like vanilla or chocolate cake? Who am I kidding, how could anypony not like cake. What about pie? I like Rasselberry myself. You strike me as more of a rhubarb, or maybe a strawberry, OHOHOH I know, Apple! I'll introduce you to Applejack, she makes the best apple pies!” The amaranth pony continued to bouncer around me while a flood of words I ceased to understand flowed from her mouth. Me and Twilight exchanged looks of amazement.

“Pinkie.” Twilight said polity.

No response.

“Pinkie!” a bit more forcibly this time.

Not even a blink.

“PINKIE!” She shouted at the energetic pony.

Pinkie stopped, “Yes, Twilight?” she said, unphased.

Twilight let out a small sigh, “Pinkie, this is 1pony. He's going to be in town for a while.” She motioned for me to step forward, “1pony, this is Pinkie Pie, one of my closest friends. I'm sure you'll get to know each other quite well.”

Pinkie extended her hoof to me, I grasped it. She proceeded to shake up and down so hard I almost lost my footing. “It was nice meeting you, but I have to go, so much party to plan, so little time!” She skipped off.

“She's...” I looked for the right word.

“Energetic?” Twilight offered.

“Yeah, let's go with that.” We continued walking. “Twilight?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Where are we going?”

“To the library.” She said with a hint of satisfaction in her voice, “I was originally planing on you staying there with me, so I have a few things for you.”

“Oh, you don't have to-”

She cut me off, “Ah-ah, it's the least I can do for somepony in your position.”

I didn't push the subject. As much as I hated to admit it, I did need something to get me started here. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and what was in my bag.

As we continued down the road, we made small talk, Twilight was very intellectual, even more so than the show let on. She kept trying to explain her theory on what brought me here and talking about how excited she was to help the princesses to find a way for me home. I began to wonder if she realized I was a living thing, not just an object of an experiment. Soon, we approached the library.

It was gigantic, the TV screen dose not do it justice. Easily 60 feet tall and about 20 feet wide, it was the size of... well, a library. The bark was a deep brown with a purple tinge and the entire area around it felt charged, almost like electricity, but it didn't feel dangerous. It felt comforting, safe, inviting. I assumed it was from the sheer amount of magic that took place within.

Twilight opened the door, “Here we are! Make yourself at home for n-”

A brash voice cut her off, “There you are Twilight!” Twilight snapped her head around to see a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail sitting at a desk near the back of the main room of the library. “I've been waiting here for hours!”

Another, slightly annoyed voice spoke up from behind a book shelf, “It's been fifteen minuets Rainbow.” A small, purple and green dragon squeezed his way out from behind the self of tomes, feather duster in hand.

“Well it sure felt like hours, Spike.” Snapped the Pegasus.

“Rainbow Dash, what are you doing here?” asked Twilight, seemingly annoyed at the intrusion of her home.

In a blue colored blur, Rainbow was next to Twilight, “The new Daring-Do book was supposed to come out today, do you have it?”

Twilight shook her head, “Rainbow, this is a library, not a book store. I don't get new books on release day. I usually have to wait a few weeks until one gets donated or I can buy one cheaper. And no, I haven't had the time to go out and buy my own copy yet.”

“Rats...” Rainbow hung her head. “I wonder if any shops in Cloudsdale will have it?” She looked up, right at me. “Uh, Twilight... what's that?”

Twilight sighed, “This is 1pony,” she gestured to me, “He's new in town. The princess asked me to help him get acquainted.”

Rainbow Dash moved closer to me, “It doesn’t look like anything thing I've ever seen before...” She squinted her eyes ans she leaned in closer.

I was fed up by this point, “That's because HE isn't from around here.” I quipped, thoroughly annoyed.

Rainbow dashed back, “Woha! It can talk!”

Twilight, perhaps sensing my ever rising frustration levels, intervened, “I'll keep an eye out for that book Rainbow, but right now I think it's best you leave.”

“But I want to touch it! It looks so... squishy!”

“Goodbye Rainbow Dash...” Twilight said, shoving the Pegasus out the door, shutting and locking it. “I'm sorry about that, Rainbow can be a bit... grating at times.”

I sighed and attempted to relax. Suddenly, I was aware of a presence by my leg.

“Hello, I'm Spike!” Sad the diminutive reptile as me feet as he extended a claw upward.

I smiled and grabbed and shook his claw, “Nice to meet you Spike.” Spike nodded and walked off to the next book self that needed dusting.

Twilight called out to me, “Now, if you'll fallow me upstairs, we'll get your things.” I fallowed Twilight up the stairs and into her study. More book shelves lined the walls of the two leveled room. There was another staircase leading to the second level and a door to the balcony to the left of the staircase and a desk situated under a window to the right. The room smelled of lavender incense. “It's all just up here.” She started up the small staircase.

This was essentially Twilight's bed room. It was about fifteen square feet with a good 5 foot drop at the edge of the floor. No guard rails. There was a large window on the outward facing wall behind... two beds?

“I made this bed up after the princess informed me you were on your way. You can have the blanket and sheets for your house if you would like.” She began folding the yellow blanket into a neat square.

“Y-you were going to have me sleep here?” I asked, flabbergasted.

Twilight floated the blanket over to me, “Well yeah, I couldn't set the guest bed up anywhere else in the library, it takes up too much room.”

In spite of myself, my heart rate doubled, I felt my face flush with warm blood. “Why is this getting to me? It's a separate bed. She's a cartoon... she doesn’t even realize... what has this fandom done to me?!” My mind was racing.

Twilight finished folding the sheets and looked up. She must have noticed my minor panic attack, “Er, are you alright?” Her words were sincere.

“I-I-I'm fine.” I stammered out. “What is wrong with me. Why do I care? I'm not even... She's a friend. Friend. Friend...” I repeated the word over and over in my head.

Twilight looked unconvinced, “Rrright... here, lets just get this stuff to your place.”

“She-bedroom-pony-girl's-bedroom-friend-she-place-why...” I somehow managed to get down the stairs. Once in the library, I calmed down, though I was still visibly shaken.

“Dude, you don't look so good...” Spike said as he walked out of the kitchen. He had traded his feather duster for an apron and was carrying a tray with three plates and three glasses of what looked like lemonade.

“I...am...fine...thank...you...” My words were so wooden, I though they might make holes in the floor. I never was bad with girls... but this just felt wired. “She's not a girl, she is a friend. A friend...” Again I repeated the words in my head.

Spike shrugged and set the try on a near by table, “I made some lunch for us.” He puled a chair up for himself.

“Oh Spike, it smells delicious!” Twilight beamed, a small rumble came from her midsection. She giggled nervously, “Guess your place can wait for now. How about we eat?”

I stumbled to the startlingly short table to see a plate of pancakes with butter and a small cup of syrup. It smelled like heaven. “T-thanks.” I sat on the floor and the table still felt a bit too short for me. I picked up my fork and dug in, dipping my first piece of pancake into the syrup.

Twilight wiped her mouth with her napkin, “Spike, you make the best pancakes.” She smiled

The purple dragon grinned, “Well, you learn these things when you grow up around some of the best Chefs in Canterlot.”

I eagerly eat my first bite, and almost instantly retched at the taste of earth and the texture of fiber. I polity choked down the bite. “Yeah, top notch...” I quickly dumped the rest of my syrup over the offending disks, hoping beyond hope it would make them at least edible. “I love grass pancakes...”