Sempre

by Night Spark

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Original Character, Octavia, DJ P0N-3
Length: 3928

Octavia was my reason. She was my sun and my moon. I did everything for her... and in the end it made no difference. She would never love me as I loved her. Even so I will love her... Always

"It was her light that allowed me to see a universe so different from this. It was her light that warmed my life. No pony can take the place of Octavia Melody. They are but candles which try to compete with the sun, and when the sun sets, no candle can replace it."

Please Read:
First and foremost I hope no one gets offended. I don't know how someone could but if you do I did not intend it. This is my second attempt at first person so go easy on me. If you notice any big boo boos please point them out.

This is a story that I feel many people have gone through in some way. It is 2014 and becoming much easier for gay people to just come out and be themselves. I have always wondered about those who have had to hide their feelings. Growing up my mom watched a lot of news and sometimes there would be married couples splitting because one person was actually gay. Thats were I got this idea. I wanted to try to imagine what it must be like for both people. Imagine loving someone with every fiber of your being only to find out they won't ever love you as you love them. Imagine having to lead someone on in a relationship because of the fear that has been instilled in you since a young age. Having to hide yourself from everything and everyone because you don't know if they will still accept you. Either one seems terrifying to me. I don't know if I effectively captured these emotions or feels. I suppose you all can tell me if I did. Celestia knows, I don't think I could ever truly capture those feels because I don't think I have ever been in that situation.

For all of you who have been in a situation like this. You have my respect.

I may do a second chapter if reception calls for it. I intended for this to be a one shot but I know I could do another chapter from another view.

Published 2014-06-24 15:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-24 15:40:03 UTC

Sempre

Sempre:

“I am sorry Octavia… these last few weeks have been surprisingly busy. Even so, I have not given you the attention that you so deserve…”

Her eyes did not meet mine. Instead they watched the floor or the wall behind me. Anything but me now…

“…Oct-“

There it is again. I reach out my hoof to comfort her and she pulls away as if I am some stallion trying to have his way. I walk toward the door of our apartment and speak solemnly over my shoulder.

“I will give you some space… please know that I am trying. You know that right? Everything I do, I do so that I can one day see you smile again.”

It had been so long since she last smiled.

“I love you Octavia…always…”

I shut the door behind me and left. As I exited the building I looked up to the night sky to see the stars. They were so distant and yet they still captivated ponies minds and hearts. They twinkled with hope and harmony. Each star was unique and shined bright with its own song. Octavia Melody is my star. Of all the ponies in Equestria it was her who caught the eye of a simple luthier pony such as myself.

My walk throughout the empty streets was accompanied by the cool night breeze and my memories of her. It was nearly two years ago when she came to the shop I work with to purchase a new cello. Her coat was gray like the majestic mountains and her mane flowed as black as the sky beyond the stars. My manager lead her to the finest cellos we had. There were cellos in their made from the wood of enchanted trees. Some were formed from pure crystal straight from the Crystal Empire itself. Even then Octavia could have quite easily left with the most expensive and luxurious cello however something else caught her eye. Fate had been kind to me as I had been working on restoring an old and worn cello. Our shop had acquired it from a traveling merchant who had made a stop in Canterlot the week prior.

Seeing a mare of such talent and enchanting beauty approaching me quite literally altered my reality. The first instance in which my eyes met hers I was sent upon a journey which I am still trekking. Even now I am trapped in the mysterious realm that her magenta eyes hold.

Her first words to me were:

“That cello is my cello.”

I do not really know what I had felt when I heard her voice. Was it joy? No, that moment could not be joyous. It was something more similar to reverence and even still that does not quite fit. Every word that she spoke reverberated through my being as if all life and all things were Octavia Melody. At that moment speaking with Celestia or Luna would have been easier.
I continue my walk down the cobble stone street, its hard surface still wet from a gentle evening shower. My eyes reach the destination I had unknowingly walked to: work. As I enter the shop I go once more back to that day. The foal like mumbling I had produced when hearing her statement still causes me to blush in embarrassment.

“I- Er… I do not think… think…”

She smiled at my failure to produce speech and remarked about how that is a problem.

“A stallion would hopefully think before speaking to a mare let alone anypony really. Forgive me I am being rude. I am Octavia Melody and you are?”

The second among hundred of my nervous mumbles would be heard.

“Um Cello is- this… I am afraid this cello is 300 bits… So it is not yours… yet… it’s not as um… magical per se, however it is an old and rugged one. It’s the more experienced cello here my lady… so I believe it will compliment your gifts well.”

She stood with confidence and a smirk plastered on her face.

“Rude.”

I remember how terribly my hooves were shaking… the cello damn near sounded like a percussion instrument.

“Miss I do not-“

“I approached you and was rude. I, however apologized for my rudeness and properly introduced myself. So you had witnessed my rude actions and chose to repeat them. I still do not know your name.”

"I... My name is Marcato Woodhoof. Please forgive me Miss Melody. You are my favorite classical musician and meeting you... face to face... I... uh..."

"You flatter me. I am surprised you recognize me. I do try not to flaunt myself as other ponies do."

What I told her at that moment was the most embarrassing thing I have ever said. Luckily for me Octavia was a kind and humble pony.

"Miss Melody, Celestia could banish me to the moon and even from there, among the heavens and all of the sky's wondrous stars, I would recognize your beauty. Your presence warms the day better than Celestia's sun could ever hope to."

I was even more lucky that Octavia found the sincerity in my words. She seemed to know that I was not some stallion looking for a fun night with a pretty mare. I am a stallion that sees not only the beauty of the mare but the beauty of her music as well.

I had already walked around the shop multiple times, silently reliving the day Octavia entered my life. I stopped my walking at my bench. Underneath a delicate cloth lay my proudest and finest work. It was just under a year ago when Octavia had joined a new orchestra. Equestria knew her as a master in classical music however she had decided to branch out. A new orchestra that played newer and progressive orchestral pieces formed. Upon joining Octavia started to become lost to me. I don't know why and it eats away at me because I have the strangest feeling that it is something that I am doing. But I am setting things straight. For the last few months I have set in to motion things to make me the best stallion I can be for Octavia. Despite my long hours at work I have taken it upon myself to do most of the chores in our home. She should not have to worry about such trivial things while concentrating on her practices. I prepare for her the finest dinners each night and while sometimes she arrives home late into the night I believe she appreciates the gesture. Despite this and more she continues to shut me out. When I look into her eyes as of late... those magenta eyes... they no longer shine or luster. The stars in her universe are going out and the light is ever fading. I never cry before her because I fear it may drive her further away. However sitting in my shop alone? I cry. Tears fall from my eyes and make the most subtle and yet loud sound in the silence of the night. I pull the cloth away to reveal a cello. While Octavia still plays on that old cello from when we first met I want her to have something new and something that shows my devotion to her. The wood was crafted from a dying tree in Sweet Apple Acres. The Apples were only kind enough to oblige me when I told them that I wish to give their tree as great of a purpose in death as it had in life. I had purchased the strings from Celestia's school. They were magically enchanted to resist breaking and rust. My favorite part is the bow. In fact it had taken me the longest to make on the account that I had to seek out the aid of the princesses. I had no clue how long it took to gain an audience with them. Even after I did not truly realize how strange my request was until standing before the sisters. Even so they were gracious enough to grant me my wish. I placed the bow in my hoof and admired its beauty. The string was made up from a piece of both Luna and Celetia's tail. The bow in my right hoof alone is worth more than what most ponies will make in a lifetime. I hope this pleases Octavia. She is above things like monetary value however that does not mean she does not deserve nice things. I gently place the bow in a case next to me. As I lift the cello I see that my efforts have not gone in vain. In the light of the moon I can see the line that goes down the middle of the cello. On the left side, the wood is a dark and deep blue. On the right side, the cello is a brilliant white. While closing the case I felt proud. In some extent I captured the essence of my goddesses and the only pony whom I would share it with is Octavia.

I sling the cello case on my back and exit the shop. Its weight does not disturb me. One of the few things I share with my marefriend is being an earth pony. This gives us both the strength to easily carry things including large instruments. I always found the reactions of ponies humorous when they saw Octavia carrying her cello.

"How does she carry such weight all day?"

"Marcato it is not like a gentlecolt to allow a lady to lift such things!"

"Poor mare she looks exhausted!"

I knew better. The mare I love is a mare who is proud of not only her talent but her strength... which is no laughing matter. I learned quickly in our relationship to never make Octavia angry. There was an evening where I treated her to a walk in the Canterlot gardens. It was not elite Canterlot cuisine however it was the best I could do for her at the time. On our walk I found a place for us to eat food I had prepared. The evening went very well up until a passing pony called Octavia a starving street musician...as well as uncouth. From there I saw the pony I love savagely beat some random snotty mare. At the end of the fight Octavia stood like a warrior while the other mare limped away as quickly as possible. I would be lying if I told myself that I did not enjoy that display. While Octavia apologized to me for the rest of the evening I praised her and let her know that even when she is punching a mare in the face she looks beautiful.

I walk now to the music hall. What better way to surprise her than by bringing her a new cello to rehearse with? She will deny it at first but I know her. She will bite and whatever is saddening her will fade away. Then I can perhaps see her smile once more. While I trek through the streets time passes faster than expected. I wager that the orchestra will already be rehearsing when I reach them. That is fine as I have not heard Octavia play with the orchestra for some time.

The excitement is causing my heart to flutter. No amount of flowers, dinners, or affection has relieved whatever is stressing Octavia. Nothing I have done has proven to be effective. It has occurred to me that the issue may be caused from an external source. Though I doubt something outside of our relationship could cause Octavia such pain. Regardless I am sure she will fall in love with this cello. Hopefully she realizes the effort I put into it just for her. Hopefully she realizes that there is nothing that I would not do for her. There is nothing I would not do so that she may bless my ears with her song and my eyes with her smile.

As the sun's light barely peeks over the edges of the rooftops, I see the outline of the music hall. Its elegant structure is composed of large metallic curves which surround an even larger silver dome. The building was built to replace the old hall as it had been damaged in the changeling invasion. The design was dedicated to Princess Luna and represented the many shapes of her moon.

I craft many stringed instruments. I pour my heart and soul into each one and pray that it brings many years of joy to its master. Yet I cannot fathom designing such an awe inspiring structure. To ensure that it is beautiful, functional, and safe seems like a daunting task. I am sure this building is to that architect what this cello is to me. Although I doubt he loves Princess Luna as much as I love Octavia. As I walk up the steps and approach the entrance I imagine her reaction. Perhaps she will be like an excited filly and tear the case open so that she can play. No, Octavia would never treat a cello like that. Knowing her she will open the case as if it holds the very essence of all life. Her hooves will run along the cello's face and she will smile. With great care she will lift the cello from the case while lifting the bow as well. Her eyes will close and she will play whatever song is in her heart. The music will flow through her body and she will make large grand movements. Her mane will move as she sways with the song. Yes, my Octavia will perform and she will know that I gave her my heart and soul with that instrument.

Could she already be performing?

Walking into the music chamber a mare silently urges me to not make a sound. I would not dream of it. I could never interrupt Octavia. My view of the stage is obscured by a mixers booth. For such a grand theatre I would have hoped that they would have concealed this more efficiently . As I quietly attempt to find a better view I hear the silk that is Octavia's music. Her playing style has had me in it grasp since I had first heard her play. Nothing, not even the Elements of Harmony could free me from it... not that I desired to be freed. Her cello is accompanied by a piano and some other strings in the background. Whoever the pianist is, is playing so perfectly along with Octavia. The notes are simple. Nothing in the piece is difficult compared to others Octavia has done. Still, the song is beautiful and conveys great emotion.

I finally turn past the damn booth and see the stage.

She's smiling...

I nearly gasped. She is happy. Is this a mask she wears?

"They are perfect together don't you think?"

The same mare who hushed me earlier was at my side. I was about to ask her who she meant but all I had to do was follow Octavia's eyes. Their beautiful gaze rest upon a white unicorn mare with a bright mane composed of many different shades of blue. The unicorn had big sunglasses in her hair and her bright red eyes were fixed on Octavia. Her smile was like Octavia's. It was not a smile you give your neighbor. It was not a smile you grace your friends or colleagues with.

It was the smile you share with the pony you love. It was the smile Octavia had given me.

This cannot be true. I am just a fool who is seeing something that is not truly there. Octavia would not do this... she would not. I take a breath before speaking to the pony next to me.

"Yes, they seem to be wonderful colleagues. They play perfectly in tune with one another."

"That because they are in tune. Those two love their music almost as much as they love each other which is strange considering that they are polar opposites in terms of musical tastes. You see Octavia loves classical music while Vinyl is more interested in electronic. I side with Vinyl in terms of song choice but watching Octavi-"

Whatever I am feeling... I would not wish on my worst enemy. The mare’s words fade from existence and I am left in my mind with the image of Octavia and this Vinyl pony. Octavia... lied. She lied and she cheated. I had done everything... given everything and for what? Some lying mare! Every single day for nearly a year wasted! Every strain on my heart, every embrace I tried to share, every thing... all done in vain. Damn it! I wipe the tears from my face as I turn to the mare next to me.

"So... you are certain that they... are dating?"

She didn't notice my stress as she answered. Good.

"Oh Sweet Celestia yes. They are inseparable during rehearsal! The song you are hearing is a collaboration they worked on together. It has the soft classical feel while the calm beat in the back ground is the subtle influence of Vinyl. You can't really see but on top on the piano she has this thing called a midi controller. It's like a smaller keyboard with all these little buttons and-"

I think death would be preferable to this pain. I would much rather have Celestia tell me that she despises my every being. Not receiving the love of my goddess is a pain more bearable than this. I glance at the cello case in my hooves. Does she deserve it? I don't know. She is a liar, cheater, and tormentor. Would she even appreciate this? Had she appreciated any thing I had done for her? More then likely not… she always seemed so sad and bored. I wonder how desperate I looked over the course of our relationship. Perhaps she remained with me only to continue to receive my gifts and my love for which she could turn into nothing more but the adornment of a pet.

"Hey you don't have a problem with them do you? You know with them being together? If you do then I'll have to ask you to leave. Last time we had one of those 'traditional' ponies they called the couple some pretty harsh names. It broke Octy and Vinyl’s hearts and we broke the stallions nose. You see in this orchestra we don't all agree but, we are family and we defend our own despite the odds. So again... are you like that, mister?"

Her words sank in to my mind. I had not thought of the pain that Octavia must have suffered. She was gay. She loves a mare. I have never been one to judge a pony for the way they were born, however we live among the upper class. It is a position that Octavia was born into and fought to keep. The upper class were ruthless and traditional. The difference between them loving you and hating you could be something as simple as which street you lived on. Octavia's secret would certainly ruin her. No matter how perfect she performed the upper class would deny her even existing in their sick little world.

"No miss... I am not some arrogant fool. Would you do me a favor?"

I placed the cello down before her.

"In this case is a new cello I made for her. It is everything. Please tell her that... It is nice to see that somepony can make her smile. Please do this for me and I shall remember your kindness should you ever need an instrument. I work at the music shop right down the road. Have a nice day."

I walked out of the chamber and proceeded out of the music hall itself. My anger has died down but the feeling of loss still crushes my spirit. I feel for myself and Octavia. All she had to do was tell me. All she had to do was let me know or give me some kind of subtle hint that she did not want or need my love. Would that have made it better? No, the pain would still crush me as it does now. Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation...

I stumble at the bottom steps outside the hall. I am out of breath. I feel like my insides are being crushed. I gallop down the street with no intended destination. I just need to be away from the very pony which I have always desired to be close to. Why didn't she tell me? After everything... did she think that I would abandon her? Throw her to the timberwolves of society as some cruel noble would? I loved her and cared for her! I did every thing for her! The very reason for every action of my every day was Octavia Melody. Yet every action... everyday... nothing more than false hope and lies. She stole my love and devotion! She stole my days and my night, my heart and soul, and she stole my every hour. Now what do I have?

My surroundings reveal themselves to be the very gardens in which Octavia and I would walk. Damn the tears. I try to wipe them away as to clear my vision. I find myself chuckling. Even the blurry and distorted world I see through my tears holds more truth than the past two years. The truth is an unwelcome change. No longer do I see splendid tulips or gardenias. No longer do I hear the song of the trees. No longer do the stars hold any wonder or mystery. All dreams, hope, and fantasy is gone. Octavia was the center of everything. It was her light that allowed me to see a universe so different from this. It was her light that warmed my life. No pony can take the place of Octavia Melody. They are but candles which try to compete with the sun, and when the sun sets, no candle can replace it.

I sit alone in this abysmal garden as past memories haunt me. My tears have been spent and now I sit among the smoldering embers of a love that once burned as no fire could. These embers are strong though and despite all that has happened they will remain. They will burn at my core for the rest of my existence and I shall accept their warmth and their pain. For at the end of all things I still love her. I love her despite knowing she will never return that love. She will only look upon it and perhaps smile gently. A smile that reminds me of what I thought I had. A smile that reminds me that there is another world, one full of splendor and warmth beyond the imaginations of anypony. One that I was blessed to see a glimpse of and will never see again. Its memory will bring a smile to my face and a pain to my heart... and that is fine. I will accept that pain and still smile, for her.

I will love you Octavia Melody. I will love you. Through this pain and the pain in the future I will love. Nothing, not the stars, the moon, or sun can change that. For Fate and Harmony have no meaning to me without you.

I will love you... Octavia Melody.

Now.

Forever.

Always.