A Rude Asleeping

by SketchyGrl

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Tragedy, Scootaloo, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2062

A continuation to one "A Rude Awakening," the young brony meets Pinkie Pie, and Scootaloo!

WARNING: This story is COMPLETELY nonsensical and was written as a joke for my friend JamesIsABrony. Reader discretion is advised.

Minding his own business, James, a young brony, meets a tiny pink pony that leads him to a magical land!!! He meets his idol, and what's this?! DARKNESS?!?! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?!!! (To fully understand this story, you will need to have read Cupcakes by Sgt. Sprinkles, seen Pinkamina's ask blog by CrookedTrees, and possibly have read A Rude Awakening.)

Published 2012-04-09 07:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-09 07:44:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there was a brony named James. His favorite pony was Scootaloo (when she’s legal). One day, while he was in school, contemplating punching a boy in the chest for calling him a vile name (the name being “pussy”), something smacked him sharply in the brain. It really hurt, and James clutched his hairy head with both hands.

“Ow… What the hell?”

“Don’t punch him!” a voice cried in his brain.

Annoyed, and a liiiiiiittle worried, James cocked his head to the side and batted at his ear, trying to get the voice that had hit his brain out of his head. A small pink object fell out of his ear and landed with a bounce into his palm.

“Hey!” the pink bouncing thing said, “What’s the big idea?”

The brony looked with utter amazement at the small pony in his hand, “P-Pinkie Pie?! What are you doing here?!”

“It’s not friendly to hit somepony, unless it’s for a prank. Are you pranking him?” The pink earth pony bounced with joy in his palm, causing James to feel a slight ticklish sensation in his hand. He giggled.

“Hee hee-“ He snapped out of it. “No! No, he called me a terrible name so I’m going to punch him in the heart.”

Pinkie’s face grew suddenly sad. Her eyes were wide and teary, her mouth quivering. “What did he call you?” She asked with deep concern.

“He… oh, it was terrible! You wouldn’t understand, Pinkie Pie. He… called me a pussy!” James was furious.

Pinkie looked stricken. “P-pussy?” She was taken aback. “How dare they! What’s a pussy?”

“It’s…” James tried to explain to the pony the significance of the term without ruining her innocence. “It’s… like calling someone a girl, only worse. Because it’s like… you’re a girl. But I’m a guy, so…. That wasn’t cool.”

Pinkie Pie squinted suspiciously at the brony, craning her neck to get a closer look at the huge human holding her. “What’s wrong with being a girl…?” She asked, her voice dripping with suspicion as she glared at the boy.

“What?” James drew back from the tiny pink pony. “I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with it…. But I’m a guy, and, I mean, if he had called me a dick, that’d be appropriate, but-“

“Geez, colt,” Pinkie Pie shook her head, plopping her plot on the brony’s palm. “You talk more than I do!”

“Well, excuse me!” James said, getting in the earth pony’s face. He blinked, remembering that he was still in school. “Waaaait a minute…. Why are you here? This isn’t Equestria and I’m pretty sure I’m not asleep-“ he gasped, “Maybe I’m asleeping!”

“You know what?” Pinkie Pie said, standing on two hooves, crossing her forelegs over her chest, “Sure, you’re dreaming. Now come with me.” She smacked the brony smartly on the head, and James closed his eyes, wincing in pain. When he again opened his eyes, he saw before him a large field with trees all around and a small chicken riding a scooter. Wait. That wasn’t a chicken!

“Scootaloo?!” James gasped in glee, “Oh, wow, it is! Hey, Scootaloo!” He waved one arm, trying to get the pegasus’ attention. However, as he did so, the brony noticed that his arm was grey and stubby. It was like… a hoof! “What?!” James turned his head back to look at his body. He was a colt- with a blue hoodie, grey pelt, and black and red mane and tail! On his rear was a picture of a book with the title “FanFic” scrawled at the top. “M-my OC?” James’ red, demonic eyes grew wide with shock. “I’m my OC?!”

“What is it?” The orange filly scooted over to the colt. “What do you want?”

But James was too busy geeking out over his new body. “This is so awesome! Oh, I bet I can fly. Dude, can I fly?!” he tried to check under his hoodie for wings, when Scootaloo slapped him in the shin with her hoof.

“Hey! New kid!” (at this, James breathed angrily, “I’m not a kid”) Scootaloo glared at him with purple eyes. Then, spontaneously, she grinned at him. James was very confused. “What’s your name?”

“Uh…” the brony started, “James?”

In the sweetest voice, the little Pegasus greeted her new acquaintance. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Scootaloo. Wanna go eat?”

James blushed. Was Scootaloo asking for a date?! “Eat? Uh… sure. Where?”

Scootaloo smiled wide, reaching out to grab the brony by his hoof, dragging him out of the field. “I know just the place!” the filly said cheerily, skipping away with James in tow. The pegasus’ scooter was left stranded in the field, alone as the winds blew softly around it, kissing the blades of grass.

“Wait a second…” James tried to reason what was going on, “So… Scootaloo, who doesn’t look legal yet, is taking me out to eat, which I guess is still awesome…. And I’m a pony, so that’s cool…. And no one’s called me a pussy, here, yet! So, my day is basically radical all around!” James laughed to himself. Scootaloo glanced curiously at him out of the corner of her purple eyes as they headed towards the best place ever! Sugar Cube Corner….

“I hope you like cupcakes, James,” Scootaloo said with a hint of malice in her voice as they made their way through the door of the pastry shop.

“Cupcakes?” James became suspicious. “Well, the fanfic was terrible, but the food is pretty OK, I guess.”

Scootaloo seemed to perk up at that, leading James over to the kitchen. “Good,” she said, letting his hoof go to grab a tasty treat from the counter. Hungrily, James snatched the baked good from the pegasus’ grasp and stuffed it into his muzzle, nomming ferociously. “I hope you don’t mind,” Scootaloo walked over to James slowly, her purple gaze staring into his eyes alluringly, “helping Miss Pinkamina make some more.”

James’ eyes grew wide and cold with fear. His legs began to shake. He could feel a cold sweat break out over his pelt. “Wh-what?” He stared with disbelief at the approaching filly. “You don’t mean-“ He began to feel a bit light-headed, his vision blurring. “Those weren’t baked goods….” One hoof fell limp, and he fell back onto his haunches, “They were baked… bads….” Oblivion blanketed the brony’s mind, and he slept.

**********

James felt a smart smack across his muzzle, and the grey pony groaned as he began to stir, red eyes gradually opening. “Time to wake up, sleepy-head!” With one small glimpse of the pink face before him, the brony jerked awake, launching himself back, away from his captor. Unfortunately, the movement was futile as James had been secured to a large metal board; he merely whacked his head hard against the board and winced in pain again.

“Nonononono….” The brony began to hyperventilate, his demonic eyes darting every which way around the room. It was just like in the fanfic- all the ponies’ heads… the party hats made out of skin…. And Pinkie’s outfit! She was covered in a cloak of wings and cutie-marks, wearing a necklace of horns. She smiled at him, holding one sharp surgeon’s implement in one hoof. Scootaloo stood to the other side of her tutor, readying a syringe that James knew had to be full of adrenaline.

James tried to reason out what was happening, his brain struggling to make sense of his situation, “Is this because I offended you? I didn’t mean to offend you. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl, honestly!” Pinkie Pie trotted past the captured brony towards a wall and table of an arrayed assortment of surgical tools. Her bright blue eyes scanned her weapons as she chuckled.

“Oh, no, silly, nothing like that!” Choosing a small scalpel, the pink party pony turned back to James and approached him with a dark grin, “Your number came up. It’s not your fault; eventually it happens to everyone.”

The orange pagasus tapped one of the metal bands securing James’ grey legs to the board with her hoof. “You see, Miss Pinkamina kinda drained all of Equestria, so now she’s drawing numbers for humans, from the other side. She has powers like that.” Scootaloo smiled up at the frightened brony before stepping out of Pinkie Pie’s way.

Pinkie’s smile grew as she looked down at the scalpel in her hoof. “It’s funny it’s called a scalpel. Is it supposed to go on your scalp?” The pink pony began to create an incision on James’ forehead, just below his maneline. The colt cried out in pain.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s so boring to start with the cutie mark. I thought I’d take your hair, instead! Your mane would make an excellent wig! Don’t you think, Scootaloo?” The orange Pegasus simply nodded in agreement.

“Miss Pinkamina,” she started to say as Pinkie Pie slid the surgeon’s tool clean across James’ scalp. He cried silently, biting his lip to hold in the tears. “What about rape? I like rape.”

“I know you do, Scoots,” Pinkie Pie concentrated on her victim a while longer, rubbing her chin with one hoof. “But I get the feeling this one’s been there and done that. Let’s try something less dramatic.”

Scootaloo’s bright face dropped noticeably. “Oh… OK….”

James took this as his chance. Once some of the pain had ebbed, the maneless brony spoke up, “Hey, Pinkie…. Doesn’t it get tiring after awhile? Killing everyone… the same way?”

Pinkie Pie’s blue eyes seemed to pierce into the demon eyes of the brony with more icy fury than frozen carbon. “You may have a point, colt. Maybe we should shake this party up. What do you say, Scootaloo?”

“I say we just get it over with. This one talks too much and we’re all out of cupcakes.” Scootaloo was getting upset. She glared menacingly into James’ crimson gaze. The colt struggled as hard as he could against the metal bands around his legs, but it was no use. Scootaloo approached the brony slowly.

“Go ahead, Scoots. He’s all yours. I’m too tired to have fun today.” And with that, the pink party pony pointedly turned her back to the brony and walked over to the table of pony heads, picking up a skull delicately to examine the maggots crawling inside the rotting eye sockets. It relaxed her.

“Here, ponyboy,” Scootaloo reverted James’ attention back to her. She had a syringe in her hoof, held like a bludgeon, clutched tightly in her grasp, aimed right at James’ heart. The organ was visible beneath his grey pelt as it pounded with fear and anguish. “Maybe a punch to the chest will clear your head.” With a scream of pure excruciation, James wailed as the syringe was plunged directly into James’ heart, sending unadulterated adrenaline pounding through his bloodstream. As the brony’s pulse beat faster and faster, causing James’ body to react violently, Scootaloo was preparing another needle.

“N-no….” James gasped, hyperventilating. “P-please…. It hurts. Please, Scootaloo.”

“This is nothing.” Scootaloo flicked the tip of the needle and aimed once more at the brony’s bare chest. “Believe me, you’re getting the easy way out. OK, here comes the last punch! It’ll be a doozy, so get ready!” But by then, she had already plunged the syringe deep into James’ heart.

As the adrenaline pulsed rapidly through his veins, James tried to resist his impending doom. His heart was pounding, now, like a jackhammer. He shut his eyes against the raging pain in his bloodstream as it coursed relentlessly through his entire being. Finally, the pain was too great. The brony opened his eyes wide, veins popping on his eyeballs. He threw his head back and let out a tortured shriek of agony, his bare, bleeding scalp scraping against the metal behind him. However, that small amount of pain was merely a slight discomfort in comparison to his raging veins. Every so often, James felt a vein pop and tear within him. At the end of it all, the feeling began to fade in his body as each vessel burst within him. A cold darkness crept into his vision, obscuring the world. An icy hand clutched his heart, and everything before him turned black as he faded into oblivion for the final time….

The End.