For As Long As I Live

Chapters

You Will Not Forget
You Will Not Be Lost
You Will Not Fear
You Will Not Be Alone
I Will Always Be Here
Until The Day That I Die

You Will Not Forget

You Will Not Forget

A lone pony wanders through the halls of a large building. Ornate sculptures and windows adorn the massive halls, each depicting ponies from throughout the ages. Despite the familiarity of each picture or figure, the pony does not know them. Is such knowledge simply unknown or forgotten like so much else?

After some time, the pony comes to a large room adorned with purple tapestries and a red carpet leading to the back and a regal throne which sits atop a small flight of steps. The pony follows the carpet and stares at a small basin of water to the left side of the base of the majestic chair. Staring back from the still water is a purple pony with a long horn on her head and large, gorgeous wings sprouting from her back. Each movement the pony makes is mimicked by the pony in the water.

Oh yes, that is me. How silly to forget something such as this. That pony is me, but who am I again. I remembered just a moment ago.

“Princess?”

Princess?

The pony turns towards the voice to see another pony standing in the doorway to the large room. He is white with a horn as well but no wings. Covering his body is a suit of blue and gold armor. Is he real or just a dream like the others?

“I am glad I found you. You should not wander off without an escort. Please come with me and return to your room. You need your rest.”

“Princess? I am Princess…” the pony thinks for a moment trying to recall the name that so often eludes her. “Twilight Sparkle. Yes, that is it. Forgive me but I forgot again.”

Yes I remember now. This is my palace. I am the Princess of Canterlot. Of Equestria. That is one of the Royal Guards.

“That is alright Princess, no need to worry. Now, your room is this way. I will help you find it.”

Princess Twilight Sparkle follows the guard through the halls on their way to her room. Again she fails to recall who the pictures and sculptures portray, and yet she knows every one of them. Every pony, in every picture, on every pedestal. She has seen them, known them. She is even portrayed on several windows along with others. But despite the knowledge of each, she cannot remember who they are. Who are the ponies that stand with her on the windows? Who are the ponies who line the halls, watching over? She knows them, but cannot remember their names, their faces, their voices, or their love.

Yet I am…Twilight Sparkle. Yes. I know who I am. But who are the others?

The princess and the guard arrive at a door which opens on its own. No, to the guard’s magic. The princess walks in and looks about the lovely room. Tapestries adorn the walls and books line shelves on the back wall. Yes, this is her room.

“Thank you,” she says to the guard.

“Of course Princess,” the guard says with a bow. “I will be right outside should you need anything.”

The door closes as the princess wanders the room recalling the contents within. To her left is a desk with a mirror mounted on top. Sitting on the desk is a crown, her crown, and dozens of scrolls. On the floor are four golden, decorative horseshoes. To her right is her bed. It is a covered bed with purple silk curtains draped around. The back wall in front of her is covered with bookshelves, each filled to the brim with books of all kinds.

Twilight walks over to the desk and looks down at the horseshoes, gently stepping into one. The golden shoe feels both strange and familiar at the same time. She removes her hoof, carefully putting the shoe back in its place. She examines the crown and recalls the responsibility and honor that such an item holds. Even after so many years of wearing each, the princess still feels the weight of responsibility that comes with being a princess.

Princess? I’m not ready for this. I don’t deserve this.

A chill runs down her spine as memories begin to flood her mind. She watches as three other alicorns appear then vanish right before her eyes. The pain of loss grips her tightly as she replays the final moments of each. Two alicorns, one white and one blue, fly into the sky which is filled with flashing lights. The sun and moon dance a dance of chaos as fire and lightning flash and scorch the land below. The two alicorns cross horns and emit a blinding light. When the light fades all is right with the world, but the two alicorns are gone, never again to be seen in this life.

Don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me!

Tears fill Twilight’s eyes as the memory is replaced with another. She sees a pink alicorn and a white unicorn lying together in a war-torn city. The unicorn wears a suit of purple armor while the alicorn wears a suit of pink armor. Each show sign of injury and battle damage. They nuzzle close and smile despite the devastation surrounding them and the pain they feel. Moments later they are still, lying together in an eternal slumber, never to waken. Both are known to the princess who desperately struggles to remove these images from her mind. She fights back the tears begging the images of loss to leave her.

Don’t die. I don’t want to see them die again.

Twilight moves on to the scrolls, desperate for a happy memory. Each is written by a student that she has taught over the years. The scrolls tell of each students’ achievements and lessons learned. But once again the pain of loss returns like a carnivorous animal stalking its wounded prey. Memories flash through Twilight’s mind of the many ponies who were her students at one point in time. Each story, no matter how happy, always has the same ending. The princess sees herself standing over the grave of each student, having outlived them all.

Make it stop! Please, just make it stop!

The tears in Twilight’s eyes spill over like a river through a broken dam. She stumbles to the back wall of books fighting the sorrow that fills her very being. She looks up at the numerous books and wipes away the tears that cover her face. Perhaps the books will calm her, make those dreadful memories vanish.

She takes one, unconsciously using the magic she had forgotten she had. The princess flips through the pages, knowing every word contained within the bindings. She replaces it and takes another then another. Each time, she knows the full contents of each and returns it without reading it. Despite having forgotten the writings previously, she remembers as she takes each book and forgets as it is replaced. Even so, this small distraction is not enough to ward off the painful memories that linger. Again she replays the loss of dozens of ponies.

No more. Please, no more. Make it all stop! Make them go away!

Twilight makes her way to the bed, stumbling each step of the way. The short walk seems to take hours as the memories replay over and over. When she finally reaches the bed, she stumbles a final time falling onto the lush quilt and blankets. The soft comfort of the coverings are still not enough to fight off the repetitive nightmares. Her memories shift as five ponies are shown then are replaced by blackness. The princess knows each. They are precious to her yet, like all the others, are long gone from her life. She watches as each breathes their last on their deathbed.

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone! Come back! Please come back!

Princess Twilight Sparkle weeps on her bed, crying out for those that she once knew. Their faces are burned in her mind, yet the names are gone. Each was a wonderful life, giving her so much life of her own. But now they are but distant memories, never to return.

“Don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

She whispers softly as she weeps. She wants to forget the painful memories that plague her, but to do so would leave her deprived of so much more. Every day she forgets and remembers fundamental things in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the suffering. But more than anything, she wants to remember those loving faces. Yet, the only memories she has are full of pain. The memories of joy and happiness are lost, hidden amongst the sadness and pain.

“I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

She continues to plead until she feels a soft, soothing touch on her back. She never turns for she knows who is there. She eases her mind at the soothing caress on her back, letting the tears slow their flow. A caring voice speaks to her.

“Princess. As long as I live, I will never leave you alone. I made that vow and I swear to never break that promise.”

The memories of loss batter the princess again but feeling the gentle caress of the guard helps to vanquish them. Remembering the wonderful times and warm, happy faces will wait until another time. For now, putting away the suffering will suffice. The caress ceases but the guard does not leave. Knowing he is right there is enough for Twilight. Knowing he will always be there is enough. She allows sleep to surround her, drawing her into the mist of unconsciousness.

Silver Spear. That is his name. I remember now. Do not become forgotten.

You Will Not Be Lost

You Will Not Be Lost

Princess Twilight wanders the streets of the large city. Everything surrounding her is beautiful and regal, familiar and strange. A massive castle stands as the centerpiece of the city like a mighty watcher as it hangs from a high mountain. Its towering shadow seems to embrace the things below making it appear as a keeper or caregiver. Twilight knows the city and everything in it, but once again her mind has forgotten. Even the fact of how she got here is lost.

Why am I here? Have I gotten lost again?

She feels the presence of another and turns to see a white pony with a horn following her. He has a dark brown mane and tail and wears a blue and gold suit of armor minus the helmet. The princess quickens her pace but the other follows. She speeds up to a trot then a full gallop in a desperate attempt to lose her pursuer. Who is this pony? Why is he following her? Her heart screams at her, telling her that she knows him but her mind is filled with so many memories that she knows she could be confusing him with one who is now gone.

Go away! Leave me alone!

The horrid memories return as Twilight flees the unicorn. Memories of another white unicorn flood her mind. She sees a loving smile on his face, hears his voice. The words he says are lost and confused but, regardless, they are full of love. His name is lost to her like all the rest but still she knows him. Soon, this happy image is replaced with one of him lying on the ground, wounded and dying. His blue mane is matted and covered in blood and soot while his armor is pitted and cracked. Twilight screams for him, but nothing comes out. She charges after him only to get farther away.

Stop! Make it stop! Stop dying!

Twilight snaps out of her dreadful vision to find herself in a dead end ally. The pursuing unicorn closes in on her, moving slowly and cautiously. The princess cowers before the approaching pony, covering her head with her hooves. Tears build in her eyes as fear continues to overtake her. She struggles to remember what is going on, desperate for clarity. A second later, a warm embrace surrounds her. She opens her tear filled eyes and eases her mind.

“It’s alright. It was only a memory. You are safe your highness.”

Twilight looks at the white unicorn. His warm embrace and soothing voice calm her racing heart. His name returns to her.

He is Silver Spear.

Twilight returns his embrace, wrapping her wings and hooves around him as she weeps. The lost memories are taking a greater toll on her than before.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to forget you but I did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Silver Spear caresses her soft, purple mane. “It’s alright. There’s no need to apologize your highness. I’ll still be here to help you remember.”

The unicorn guard helps the princess to her feet as Twilight wipes away the tears in her eyes.

“Where are we again and what was I doing?” she asks.

“We are in Canterlot your highness. You were out seeing the citizens and enjoying some fresh air,” Silver Spear replies as he leads her out the alley. “I will stay be your side instead of behind you so you know I am here.”

“Of course, thank you.”

As the two exit the alley a pair of small foals runs up to meet them. One is a young unicorn colt, golden in color with a bronze colored mane and tail. The other is a unicorn filly, silver in color with a pure white mane and tail. They stare at the princess with a mix of awe and worry. Twilight stares back, wondering if she should know the two young ponies. The faces are unfamiliar so they must not be part of the forgotten memories.

“Is the princess okay?” the filly asks.

“We saw her running and wanted to see if we could help her,” the colt says.

“Please young ones,” Silver Spear rebukes, guiding the princess away from the children, “the princess is fine but she is trying to relax. You should go home now.”

“But-” the foals cry in unison.

“No,” Silver Spear says, cutting off the young ones. “Now run along.”

The small ponies turn to leave hanging their heads, sad they could not help their princess.

“Wait!” the princess cries, causing the foals to turn back in glee. “Please don’t leave.”

“But princess-” Silver Spear begins to retort.

“Please don’t go,” she says softly as her tears return to fill her eyes once again.

It is strange and difficult to understand but having the foals nearby is comforting, much like having Silver Spear near. Having two more ponies to help calm her racing heart and dispel the frightful memories is something she cannot let go of. But there is something else about the two unicorn foals that calls to the princess. There is something about them, something hidden deep within. Could she take them under her wing as two more students? Or is she being selfish?

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

“Princess please,” Silver Spear says, “these two should return to their home and family. You should also return to the palace and rest.”

The foals once again hang their heads in sorrow along with Twilight. The unicorn is right. She is being selfish. And yet, she does not want to leave just yet. If she could have just a moment with them, perhaps her nightmarish memories will subside if even for a short while. She hesitates for a second fearing that the memory she may make will become lost amongst all the others.

I want to live normal for once. Live without fear of myself or the past. Live without fear for the future. I know I had friends once before. If I could have friends again…

“Please Silver Spear,” she asks, “I wish for just a short time with these two. Please. I may forget this moment but they will not.”

Worry fills the unicorn guard but finally he relents. “Very well your highness.”

Twilight turns to the two foals, each grinning ear to ear with joy. “So tell me young ones, what are your names?”

“My name is Helios and this my sister Selene,” the golden colt says with glee.

“Well then young ones,” Twilight says with a smile, “shall we play together?”

The little foals hop about in joy at the idea of not just seeing the princess but the chance to play with her. They begin to berate her with questions and suggestions on what to do.

“Where shall we play?”

“I know just the game to play!”

“Do you like rolling in the grass?”

“We have a ball at home we can play with!”

Twilight allows the little ones to express their overwhelming joy, never once interrupting. The sheer happiness that each expresses fills her heart with bliss and chases away the fearful memories that haunt her. Her mind thinks back once again to the five ponies that so often appear in her memories. Those five precious ponies whose names she has forgotten but who she will never wholly forget. She watches the memories replay of gardens and picnics, parties and so much more. She sees their smiling faces, hears their voices. The words they speak are lost like so much, but the thrill of seeing a happy memory eases the princess. These two foals are truly something special to help her reclaim such lost memories.

The two foals stand and stare in awe and wonder upon reaching the Canterlot Garden before running off, screaming in joy. Twilight watches as they run, jump, and play wishing she could be as happy and free as they are. Her mind once again drifts back to the many students she had taken on in her long life. She watches as they explore and learn under the guidance of the princess. But again, the terror returns as the memories fade and the deaths are relived. She shutters and drops to the ground. Darkness surrounds her and she finds herself lost in the midst of the horrid nightmares. Death plagues those around her only to leave her to suffer.

Please stop. I was so happy. Why must I suffer so much? Make it stop. Please make it stop!

Tears fill her eyes as she begs the dreadful nightmares to end. “Please stop. Please stop!”

Silver Spears tries to calm down the shaking princess by caressing her back but to no avail. The nightmares continue to torment Twilight until she feels a warm embrace and a pair of small, soothing voices.

“Hush now, ease your mind. Calm your racing heart. You are safe, you are sound. The dark shall fade away. Hush now, ease your mind. Calm your racing heart. Here with me, by my side. You shall never fear.”

Twilight opens her tear filled eyes to see the two foals, hooves wrapped around her neck. The soft song they are singing eases her fearful heart. She places her hooves and wings about the foals and cries.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” the young Helios says without even a quiver of fear.

“Our mommy always sings us that song when we have nightmares,” says Selene, looking up at Twilight with a smile. “I guess it works on daymares too.”

Joy begins to fill the princess who releases the foals from her embraces.

“Your highness,” Sliver Spear says, “I believe it is time for you to rest now.”

Twilight stands and stares at the happy foals before her. This needs to be the last time she sees them. Her last memory of these two should be a happy one.

“Yes, I believe you are right. It is time to go home young ones.”

The foals groan and beg to stay and play more but Silver Spear interjects.

“The princess is very tired and must rest now. You should go home before your family worries.”

Again the foals groan as they begin to leave the garden. Twilight stops them for but a moment.

“I had a wonderful time with you two.”

The foal smile and wave as they leave. “Maybe we can play again sometime.”

A tinge of fear sends a chill down Twilight’s back at the thought of seeing them more. Although the nightmarish memories had been banished for the time being, she could not risk seeing the young foals any more. For all her dark memories, what she fears more is making new ones, memories that will be lost or add to the dark memories that haunt her.

If only I could little ones. I wish I could be as happy as you all the time without a care, without fear. I want to see you live, but not at the risk of watching you die.

As Twilight and Silver Spear make their way back to the palace, a sobering thought emerges in the princess’s mind.

If my life could end, then so will the nightmares. I have seen so much, but now it may be time to end this story of mine.

The very thought of her own death brings about a new set of fears for the immortal princess. Despite having lived for so long, she still fears death. She puts the fearful thought away. Perhaps one day she will ask again. For now, she is not ready for such an ending to her endless story.

You Will Not Fear

You Will Not Fear

The lone pony wanders through the town of simple buildings and market stalls. The town is a familiar scene with many buildings of an old and simple style along with an array of different ponies all around. Each stares at the pony in awe and wonder, curiosity and confusion, breaking the cycle of monotony that defines the life of those living in a town such as this. The pony stares back in mirrored curiosity and confusion wondering what has broken the scene of simplicity.

Before long the pony happens upon a fountain adorned with the sculpture of another pony. The statue is generic and unknown. The pony stares at the churning waters to see a purple pony boasting a long horn on her head and beautiful wings sprouting from her back. The lone pony ponders the one in the moving water as she mimics each movement of the wanderer.

I know this pony. Who is she? Is that me? Then who am I?

The realization of the forgotten memory instills fear on the wandering pony. She stares at the pony in the water in a vain effort to recall the fleeting name, but the name eludes her. The knowledge and the memory is simple but vital. Without knowing her name the pony is lost and afraid. Darkness encroaches into her mind as she searches its vast depths for the name only to find a void.

Fear overwhelms the wanderer as tears build in her eyes. She looks around to see the inhabitants of the simple town approaching her. Their faces are filled with worry but the pony only sees strangers. Each pony is unknown to her. That very knowledge further stimulates the terror she feels.

“Stay back. Please leave me alone. Go away!”

The wanderer flees the scene, charging through the simple town in a desperate attempt to find solitude. A place to think and remember. A familiar sight provides her with the place she seeks. Before her is a large tree, carved out with windows and doors. Next to the main door is a small statue of a pony, of her but younger and without wings. A plaque sits below, telling that the tree was once destroyed but was rebuilt as a place to learn from the past and remember where each pony once began. The lone pony tugs on the door and swiftly enters, slamming the door shut to escape the terror.

Within the old tree the pony finds numerous books lining the many shelves. The multitude of books is a mix of old and new, some bearing the wear of many years. The pony goes to take one of the many books. Perhaps they will trigger a memory, something to tell her the name that eludes her. She jumps as one of the books is enveloped by a purple glow and slides out on its own. She watches as the glow dissipates, leaving the book to fall to the floor.

What happened? Did I do that?

She looks down at the fallen book. On one page is a picture of six gems, each a different color. Within the text are the words, “The Elements of Harmony.” As if on cue, countless images flood the pony’s mind each a mix of terrifying and happy, exciting and mundane. But the sheer volume of memories returning all at once frightens the pony who sits alone in the room of books. They are her memories, but each is unknown to her.

Make it stop! It’s too much, make it stop!

She drops to the floor and covers her head, struggling to control the flow of the vast amount of information filling her head. She screams in anguish, her head feeling as though it should burst. Tears well up in her eyes and flow out of pain, sorrow, and fear.

The pony watches as images of happiness and joy quickly fade away, replaced by images of death and sorrow. She grasps at the memories of life, desperate to maintain her dwindling sanity only to watch them slip from her grasp and vanish before her eyes. Scenes of destruction, pain, and death fill her mind exasperating the agonizing pain in her head.

“No more! Please, no more!”

Her cries are drowned out by the suffering in her mind as she watches the numerous ponies from her life live and die. Each one, regardless of the fullness of life, always ends in death, leaving the pony to suffer the pain of loss alone. The cold touch of the endless darkness envelops her as she weeps for those who have left this mortal plane. The blackness blocks her vision as she sits alone.

Who am I? What are all these images? Why is there so much pain and death in this life?

A gentle knocking arouses her fear once again. She looks over at the door where the knocking originates. She quickly moves to a corner in fear of what may enter. Such simple things that have caused so much pain in such a short time. What other terrors could she face should the door open?

“Go away! Stay away from me!”

She cries out as she weeps, huddled in the hidden corner. The door eases open with a soft creak as light beams into the tree of books. The pony curls into a ball, covering her head with her hooves desperately trying to muffle her cries. The images of pain and death continue to berate her in the dark corner as she listens to the sound of hoof steps crossing the room. Her weeping betrays her causing the steps to draw closer.

No, go away! Leave me alone!

She feels a gentle touch and begins to flail about at the intruder. Her heart races, threatening to burst from her chest. Her head throbs from the multitude of images that bombard her, making her head feel like it is about to be split asunder. Her flailing hooves beat at wind until they cease their movement without her consent. She nearly faints out of fear until a soft embrace surrounds her and a gentle voice calls to her.

“Princess Twilight, I know you are frightened but it’s alright. Everything is alright. I’m here and there is no more reason to be afraid.”

She looks through her tear filled eyes at the one who holds her gently to see a white unicorn wearing a set of blue and gold armor. She knows him. Her mind is instantly at ease at the knowledge of something present. The elusive name returns to her mind as the haunting memories fade away, taking the last of the memories of joy with them. The pony doesn’t care as the knowledge of the present is more important now than the knowledge of the past.

Princess Twilight Sparkle. I remember again. And he is Silver Spear.

Twilight wraps her hooves and wings around Silver Spear and weeps. Her sorrow flows from her like a raging river into the vast ocean. She grips the unicorn guard tightly, never wanting to let go and lose the precious memory of the present. Her only words are words of apology.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you but I forgot. I forgot so much and then…then…I was so scared.”

“You don’t have to apologize princess,” he says as he caresses her mane. “As long as I am here for you, you have nothing to fear.”

The princess can do nothing but weep. Silver Spear is silent. He holds her close, caressing her soft mane as she sobs. The crying echoes through the old tree while the two ponies sit in the dark corner.

Why must my life be full of suffering? Why must I be tortured by the pains of the past?

Several minutes pass as Twilight continues to cry. Each passing minute feels like an hour as it passes and a second once it is gone. She continues to cling to Silver Spear in a desperate attempt to avoid the sorrow of the past and the terror of the future. While she goes through life free of the sting of death, those around her are not as fortunate. Each one lives and dies. Is death as painful and frightening as living to watch them die? Or is eternal life in this world the real pain? While death is full of pain and terror, does it not last for but a moment?

A thought reaches the mind of the princess. Perhaps her life is not as eternal as it seems. While she has lived for so long, all things around her soon die. Perhaps one day she too shall die and be free of the suffering of this life. The thought of her own death and the prospect of witnessing more sends a violent chill down her spin, causing her to cling harder to the warm presence who embraces her.

“Do not die,” she says. Silver Spear is silent ask she speaks, unable to respond to such a request. “I have gained so much only to lose it all in the end. I have witnessed far too much pain and death that I fear that one day I shall not fear my own death out of acceptance or fact rather than comfort. Until the day of my death, I do not wish to lose any more.”

The guard releases her from the embrace and stands as her inner mind begs for the warmth and safety to return. Twilight looks up with a tinge of fear to see a warm smile on his face as he holds out a hoof.

“It is time to return home.”

She accepts the aid and stands, following him out the door, leaving the familiar yet haunting home of books. The smile said everything that his words left out. He knew he could not follow the order but would do everything in his power to provide the aid she requested. Though it does not dispel her fears completely, it does provide a temporary relief. Her fears of the future are pushed aside as she focuses on the present.

Author's Note

This chapter was written before the Season Four Finale. I wanted to use the library home because of its significance to Twilight's life. I had to make some slight changes after the finale when the library is destroyed so I had it rebuilt as it was supposed to be a reminder of where she began. I did not want to rewrite the entire chapter to use her new castle, but I will get there in due time.

You Will Not Be Alone

Numerous crystals both great and small surround Princess Twilight Sparkle, each shining in the light of the sun and showering the area in a wonderful rainbow of colors. Some lie on the ground, scattered, as though dropped or having fallen while others are stacked or arranged in the shaped of buildings or other structures. Twilight feels a small tug in the depths of her mind telling her she knows this land. Yet the familiarity is lost along within the vast reservoir of knowledge. There is a tinge of fear as curiosity takes hold, pushing her to explore the crystal field further.

As she walks down the pitted pathway she looks ahead to see two young unicorns climbing on and around several massive crystals. One is a gold colored colt with a bronze colored mane and tail. The other is a silver filly with a pure white mane and tail. As she draws closer Twilight spots the cutie marks of each. The colt’s mark depicts two silver locks, each opened and hooked to the other. The filly’s mark depicts a pair of golden keys crossed over with a scarlet ribbon swirling around them.

The inquisitive looks of the young ponies and the thrill they display as they explore the shimmering stones brings a smile to the princess. Her thoughts drift to the many young ponies she once taught throughout her long life. She recalls the fascination and wonder as they learn and discover. As she recalls the many faces and smiles though the names and voices of each are lost.

Sadly, the cheerful and happy memories betray her as the darker, more somber memories are recalled. Each happy life ended with the death of the pony who was once her faithful student. No matter how full or how long, each eventually ended. Such a thought reminds her of her lonely, immortal life. Sorrow and fear begin to take hold as she watches the memories of each student’s funeral, leaving her alone once more.

So much death in life. So much suffering. Why must I go through such an ordeal?

Her memories taunt her with the many happy faces of her students only to replace them with a stone marker of their grave. Twilight grasps at each happy face only to watch as it slips away. Pain follows the sorrow and she drops to the ground. Tears begin to drip from her eyes as she weeps for those who are no more.

I am haunted and tormented by the pains of the past and forced to endure it alone.

The pain of enduring such loss in her life leaves the princess crumpled on the ground, weeping. The joy that each life once gave drips away as it is replaced by that terrible pain. She hears soft trotting and looks up to see the two young ponies standing above her. They bend over to comfort her, wrapping their hooves around her in a warm hug.

Such kind souls these ponies. Who are they? I feel that I should know these two.

Twilight feels a brutal snap in her head as the realization hits her and fear invades her sorrowful mind. She has met these young ponies before, though her dwindling memory prevents her from recalling exactly where or when. At the time they were younger and without cutie marks. Why are they here? Did she not say that their first meeting should also be the last?

No! There has been enough death in my life. I will not witness the death of these two.

The princess struggles to stand, staring at the two young ponies in a mix of fear and love. “I am sorry,” she says as she turns and leaves, never looking back as her tears stain her face. She moves quicker and quicker to escape the future memory of more death. They will die one day, but she will not bear witness and endure more suffering from the loss. Better to be alone than endure more life being torn away from her.

Now at a full gallop, Twilight charges through the crystal land only to witness more horror. The land flashes before her as the structure shaped crystals flicker and settle as burning homes and other buildings. The street bears the scars of magical blasts and craters from violent explosions. This land of wondrous gems and colorful stones is little more than the ruins of what remains of a once mighty land. Yet now, she is once again witnessing its destruction. Colorful stones crack and crumble while shimmering ponies flee in terror from fire and lightning. Twilight watches in horror as bodies begin to line the gleaming streets.

Twilight skids to a halt upon reaching the center of the crystal city. Before her stands a massive spire scarred and cracked. Sitting up under the spire, a pair of crystal spikes holds a blackened heart-shaped crystal. The princess watches as the crystal heart cracks and shatters into scores of small shards. A second later, a magic blast streaks past her and rocks the ground as it impacts the street. Twilight looks over at the crater as the head of a large crystal sculpture rolls across the ground. The head is of some kind of young dragon, one she feels she should know.

As if on cue, a young, wingless dragon, strikingly similar to the decimated sculpture, leaps out and stands on the cracked head. He is purple with green spikes lining his back and a green stomach. He stands about as tall as Twilight and his body is lean. He breathes green flames and charges the invisible foe. As if defying his bravery, a cruel beam of magic bursts forth from the shadow that covers the sky and strikes the young dragon. The princess can only watch in horror as the dragon vanishes before her eyes in a fiery death.

Don’t die. Don’t die. Why do you have to die? Give him back! Don’t leave me alone!

Tears etch rivers down her face as Twilight feels her stomach wrench within her. Her heart sinks as sorrow and terror overwhelm her. She knew the young dragon and the bond they once shared. Now she has witnessed his death once more in all its horror. She screams out but hears nothing. Her voice has fled from her along with the name of the deceased dragon. She tries to turn and avenge the fallen soul but her hooves stand firm. Her legs loose strength and buckle underneath. Twilight gives in to the anguish and closes her eyes tightly as she falls to the ground. She can only weep amid the destruction and death that surrounds her.

Have I lost everything? Is there nothing for me but pain and suffering, death and destruction?

A gentle touch on her back eases her mind and calms her racing heart. The images of horror fade away and are replaced by the haunted remains of the present. Twilight turns and looks through tear filled eyes at the one who has calmed the storm and banished the terror. Next to her is the white unicorn who is always there for her. His armor gleams in the sunlight and a gentle smile is on his face.

“Silver Spear,” the princess says as she throws herself onto him. She wraps her forelegs and wings around him and buries her face within his embrace as she weeps. The royal guard says nothing as he continues to caress her mane.

Several minutes pass before the weeping subsides. Twilight wipes the tears from her eyes and Silver Spear aids her in standing. “It is time to return home, princess,” he says, to which the princess silently nods in agreement.

The two stand to leave but are stopped by the sound of clicking hooves on the crystal ground. They turn to see the two young foals Twilight had seen earlier. The foals stop and shift in agitated regret and guilt, staring at the ground. They stand and fidget for half a minute as they ponder their words.

“Um…Princess?” the young colt says. “We’re sorry for being here.”

“What do you mean young ones?” Twilight asks, curious as to what these two have to apologize for.

“Well…um…we saw you leaving Canterlot and really wanted to play again,” the filly says. “It’s been a long time since we played last time. So we snuck onto the train with you.”

“We’re really sorry for running off on our own and scaring you.”

“Please don’t be mad at us and tell our mommy.”

The sight of the two foals begging and pleading brings back new memories for the princess. Again, she sees the many ponies she has taken as students in her life and watches as each apologizes and pleads for mercy for everything from a simple mistake to full mischief. Then a more personal memory hits Twilight which elicits a soft smile and tears of joy.

She thinks back to a time long gone, staring up at a dull purple mare and a blue stallion who look down with cross expressions. Sounds of apology and accusations against a nearby unicorn with a blue mane echo from her mouth. The memory flashes and is replaced with shifting images of the five other ponies that haunt her memories. Numerous adventures and trouble that they each got into flood her mind.

Her mind eases and slowly flashes numerous images of kind expressions of scores of ponies, caring voices of those she once called dear, and a lifetime of wonder and joy. The tears of joy streak down her face like a flood, washing away the fear and pain she had suffered with for so long. As with her first encounter with the young foals, Twilight recalls memories she once thought lost for eternity.

Her smile grows as she gathers the little ones in a warm embrace. “Don’t worry young ones. This will be our secret.”

The foals return the hug and give a soft giggle of excitement. Twilight stands, releasing the foals and turns to Silver Spear who wears a weary look. He relents to the princess’s happy moment and smiles. Twilight turns back to the foals.

“Come now, it is time to go home.”

Such dark times I have lived in. Such pain and suffering I have endured. Perhaps instead of avoiding the past, I should embrace the present and seek after the future. Could these little foals help as Silver Spear has? There is only one way to know for sure.

I Will Always Be Here

I Will Always Be Here

Princess Twilight Sparkle wanders the barren halls of the palace of purple crystal, a hollow shell of a once wonderful era. She stops for but a moment to stare out through a window at the simple town that sits below, darkened under the pale light of the moon. Silence echoes in the air and weighs down the weary princess. Once, this palace was grand. Once, this palace held life. But now, it only holds the hollow memories of what once was, and what will no longer be.

She makes her way to a large round room with seven chairs arranged in a circle, one smaller than the rest and sitting next to one that is only slightly more ornate than the rest. Each is etched with a mark of the owner which is now faded from time and left undecipherable. Dust blankets the thrones and seeps into the few small cracks that indicate the age and lack of use of each chair. On the back wall, carved into the crystal, is a relief of the cutie mark that brands the princess’s flank surrounded by five other marks. A bolt of blue lightning, an orange apple, a purple diamond, a pink balloon, and a yellow butterfly.

This room. I haven’t been in here since…that day. So much had to change so fast. And then when they were gone…I couldn’t bring myself to ever return.

The thought of the ponies who once sat in each throne, helping her through everything, brings tears to her eyes. The fact that she had forgotten those precious names leaves a hole in her heart. These ponies who had been so close to her now lost to time as a whisper in the wind. The mere knowledge that all she has left of them is a memory, and a fragmented one at that, tears at her heart and leaves it to bleed.

Twilight stares down at the floor as tears fall from her face. “I am so sorry. You were closer to me than any other pony. You were my friends, my family.” She sniffs and stares back at the wall of symbols. “Why did you have to go?! Why did you leave me?! I cared so much for you and you left me all alone!”

She drops to the floor as she wails to the empty room. No answer comes to her. The ghosts of the past only tease at her mind. They taunt her with those faces with no names. Her cries echo back from the darkened halls, making the empty palace sound as though it weeps with her.

“I couldn’t save any pony. They all died right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything. Am I not a princess of Equestria? Why was I left to suffer alone? Why could I not go with you? It’s not fair. It’s not fair!”

Anger begins to flood her mind as she weeps, the tears now burning her face. She looks back again at the back wall, clenching her teeth and seething. She stamps the floor which shoots off a resounding clang as her golden horseshoe hit the crystal. She simply stares at the wall and those marks hissing and stamping the floor.

“What about me?! Why must I do nothing but suffer in this life?! This life of mine is no blessing! It is a curse! You are to blame! It would have been better if I had never met any of you!” She stops for but a moment to ponder her words, her anger mixing with her sorrow. “Better if I had just been a no pony.” At this she drops to the ground once more and weeps. Her cries ring through the halls and back into her ears. She stamps her hoof again and again, pleading for some kind of solace in life, some end to her tormented, eternal life.

The soft sound of clicking hooves interrupts the tantrum of the tormented princess. She ceases her stamping and crying and raises her head but never looks back. A soft, ragged voice speaks to her as a gentle touch to calm a small foal.

“Do you really mean any of those things, my princess? Do you love those who are gone or hate them?”

“I…I…” Twilight tries to speak but her heart grips her chest.

Silver Spear. Of course I love them. I don’t mean any of those harsh words. I don’t know why I ever thought such things.

“I…I…” She continues to stammer, watching her vision blur from her tears as they once again sooth her face as they fall. She wipes her eyes and finally turns to face her guardian. “I’m sorry…”

Her voice trails off when she sees her watcher behind her. His golden armor is dull and his brown mane is lined with streaks of silver hair. His face seems to sag only slightly, showing signs of age. His coat is a pale white and matted at a few spots. Despite the gentle smile on his face which exuded kindness and caring, the one before her instills fear in Twilight. A fear the likes of which she had thought long forgotten.

No. You can’t be aging. You can’t be getting old. You can’t be dying! You’re not allowed to die! You’re supposed to watch me, care for me, always be at my side to save me from my own fears!

“Princess?” Silver Spear asks, tilting his head at the sight of his fearful charge. “Are you alright?”

“No…No…No…You can’t die. I won’t let you. Get away from me!”

Twilight charges passed the aging guard and bursts through the doors her mind flooded with the fear of being left alone once again. The thought that she would forget yet another precious life drives her to run.

The children. I need to see those young foals. That will ease my mind. That will set things right.

The princess gallops through the halls calling to the foals. Desperation pushes her to burst through rooms and scour the empty spaces. She will find them.

Everything will be right once I see their young faces. Those sweet, smiling faces will put everything back to the way it is supposed to be.

“Princess? Princess are you alright?”

The voice belongs to Selene yet seems off a bit. Twilight dismisses the thought as her fear and anxiety and follows the voice. The two were always together and Helios was likely already with his sister. She charges down the hall, gleaming with the thought of seeing something the way it is supposed to be. But her smile flees and her fear once again grip her tight when she turns the corner.

Standing before her with worried expressions are indeed Helios and Selene, but the two students are taller, older. Twilight skids to a halt and immediately begins backing away. The looks on the siblings become more worried seeing their teacher froth with fear.

“Princess?” asks Helios.

“Are you alright?” asks Selene.

No. No, it can’t be. You cannot age. You cannot grow old and die. You mean to leave me as well!

“Princess Twilight?” asks the young stallion again, fearful for his teacher.

“No!” Twilight screams. “Stay back! You are not them! You cannot be them!”

The princess turns and flees the aging children, seeking something, anything, that would give her peace of mind. Her horseshoes clang as they strike the crystal floors, mixing with the clacking sound of the siblings’ hoofsteps as they follow. They shout for her, plead for her, but she refuses to listen.

Why must time continue on? Why must it take me with it while it leaves others behind? Why must those around me die while I remain? I will not see any more deaths of those I care for. I cannot bear such pain anymore.

Finally, she sees her haven, a familiar door within the barren hall. She pleads and wills the door open which becomes engulfed in a purple aura before opening for her. She enters and slides to a halt as the door closes out the terror that chased her. Yet a new terror awaits within.

To her left is a large bed, bare and ragged. The wooden frame is cracked while dust covers what was once the mattress. Lining the back of the room are several empty bookshelves which house layers of dust and vacant spider webs. To the far right are a desk and a vanity. The wood of each is faded and cracked while the mirror of the vanity is missing. The rest of the room is void.

But, this is supposed to be my room. This is supposed to give me hope and normalcy. Why must I lose so much and be left with nothing? Why must I be a slave to time and tormented as I pass all things, unable to enjoy them while I have them? Is there no end to this endless suffering?

She recalls what was once within. The lush carpets of royal purple covering the floor, the numerous books lining the shelves, the soft quilts and sheets on the bed, the workspace on the desk and everything needed for everything from pastime research to royal duties, all gone with time. Even the small extra bed that was routinely changed out for a slightly larger one is long gone. Everything she once knew was gone, carried away by the sands of time.

Is this my life? Is this palace my life? A hollow shell of an age gone by? An aging heart with little more than ghosts of the past to decorate it? Is my life like a building that one decorates only to watch it wither before fleeing the past to find another dwelling and repeat the process?

Finally, she can take no more. She drops to the floor and spills all remaining emotion. Her cries echo in the empty room and torment her ears. Her stomach clenches and her heart threatens to cease its action. Her vision blackens as the shadows of fear and doubt embrace her in a cold grip. For several minutes she cries even as her voice leaves her and her eyes become dry. Her lungs and throat burn from her screams. She continues her weeping even when her body cannot.

“Princess?” The voice of Silver Spear stings Twilight’s ears as she recalls that image of an aging stallion, one doomed to die. “I want you to remind you that I have sworn my life to you and will never leave as long as I shall live. I know you are scared to lose those precious to you and be left alone. But we who die are also afraid to leave those we call precious. If you truly are destined to live for all of time, I will ensure that you are never alone in that time. This I swear to you. I would live a thousand lives if I could if it meant releasing you from this burden.”

The words, while soothing, bring little comfort. But to hear that even those who die suffer brings Twilight to her own.

It hurts me to lose those close to me, but do they also suffer knowing the torment I must go through? It must hurt Silver Spear as he knows the most of any of how much it truly torments me. I am sorry. I am so sorry.

She tries to speak, to apologize to the one who has sworn to watch over her. To apologize to those who are her latest students, no doubt standing on the other side of the door with her guardian. But her voice is long gone, taken by the wailing earlier. She simply lays on the floor staring at the door, silently pleading for forgiveness, until exhaustion takes its toll.

I am sorry for the pain I have caused you.

Until The Day That I Die

The afternoon sun shines through the window and warms the fur of the one who stares out at the sky. She stands alone within the quiet hall of ponies of the past. As she returns to her wanderings she examines the many paintings, stain glass images, and sculptures that line the hall. So many faces. So many lives. So much unknown.

Finally, she reaches a massive room with a throne near the back. It sits on a raised platform with stairs leading up to it. A crimson red carpet leads to and up the steps and the throne which is covered in royal purple cushions. Hanging from the ceiling and walls are tapestries of purple depicting a six-pointed star surrounded by five others.

Her throne, her palace, her kingdom. Or were they? She recalls another with many thrones. A land guarded by herself and others. She never truly wanted to be a princess. Even now the position only brings loneliness and separation from others. Should any pony really stand above the others? This life only takes and rarely gives. That which is given is hardly ever desired and that which is desired is soon lost. Such has been the life of the one called Twilight Sparkle.

The dark images of death return as ravenous beasts seeking another meal. They torment her mind and taunt her with those of the past who are now long gone from her life. Faces, voices, names, love. All are absent once again from the horrifying images. She watches them live and die before her eyes as she has so many times before. Yet Twilight hardly flinches.

I am pained by loss and it wounds me still to witness it again in my mind. I wish not to be haunted by the past but have I become as one who has been wounded so greatly that they no longer feel the pain?

Why did she no longer feel the pain and fear as she once did? Had she resigned to her fate? Twilight continues her trek through the massive palace alone. Her pace is slow and time seems to drag on. The world seemed as empty as her heart.

After what felt like hours of wandering she finally comes across another pony. Yet what she sees before her terrifies her more than the images that fly through her head even now. Before her is a very elderly white unicorn with a thin grey mane and tail. Though he does not wear the armor of the Royal Guard, he wears a much lighter shirt with its emblem. Despite his decrepit appearance, Twilight instantly recognizes him.

Before her is her ever faithful watcher, still performing his duties even now. The site elicits the fear and terror that has plagued her for so long. Tears well up in her eyes and she puts a hoof to her mouth in disbelief.

You are not supposed to die. I gave you an order not to die. Why must you leave me as all the others did?

She stares in fear and disbelief at the aged pony trembling and wanting to flee the scene in a vain attempt to flee the sands of time that so often have washed her away with them as they cleanse the world. But the pony knows her all too well. He sees her fear and eases it with a simple smile of comfort.

“Forgive me Princess. I did not mean to frighten you.”

Twilight tries to speak, even to move, but stands silent inwardly pleading and begging the sight before her to be a nightmare or imagination constructed out of her fears. Yet the scene remains and Silver Spear retains his aged self. He wanders over to a window and stares out at the setting sun.

“Life works in cycles,” he says. “The sun and moon rise and set at their appointed times, as does everything else. Some things will see many cycles while others must treasure the one they receive. Each cycle is precious no matter how many times you may be allowed to go around. Have you treasured yours Princess?” He turns to the princess still bearing the smile of comfort. “I know I have.”

Twilight says nothing. Her voice betrays her and leaves her in silence and her legs refuse to move at her command.

Of course I have treasured it. Or…I have tried to. Such an endless cycle has grown lonely. I wish for this to end and free me of this torment.

Silver Spear slowly makes his way over to the princess and puts a hoof to her faces, gently wiping away the tears that stream down. Twilight places a hoof of her own to hold his against her cheek.

“I swore to be here for you so you would not go through this alone. I swore I would not let you continue your cycle alone if mine should end before yours. I will…continue…to…”

The elder guardian sways and Twilight catches him just before he falls to the floor. She holds him in terror as his breathing becomes shallow and ragged.

“No. No. Do not leave me. Stay with me! Help! Somepony help!”

Her screams of anguish echo and reverberate back to her ears. She continues to hold her guardian as her students, now tall and full grown, enter the hall and aid their teacher. The three take Silver Spear to a room and the students begin to treat him with their magic. Twilight watches in horror as a helpless foal, unable to contain the tears that have once again flooded her eyes.

The horrid images return as she watches so many from her life die right before her eyes. Whether slain by an unseen force or swept away by the sands of time, she has seen them all die. And now, she will witness yet another.

Do not take him from me. Do not let him die as the rest. He swore to be by my side that I would not be alone. You cannot take him as you took so many others!

After an hour of magical treatment, Silver Spear stabilizes and opens his eyes. The siblings step aside as Twilight rushes to the bedside thankful that he would not be taken from her just yet. Yet her faithful guardian’s words does little to ease her mind.

“Forgive me…Princess.”

“Think nothing of it. You are alive and well. You have nothing to apologize for.”

Silver Spear smiles at the lies she speaks to herself and gives a pained chuckle. “When I first saw you, you were the most beautiful pony I had ever seen. Even now, you still are.”

Twilight feels the rush of blood as she blushes at the statement. “Nonsense. You speak too highly of me.”

The unicorn puts up a hoof to wipe away another stream of tears as he continues. “I wanted to be by your side at all times and that desire only grew stronger when I first saw you suffer from the shadows of the past.” Twilight cringes slightly at the mention of her torment. “I wanted to protect to so you would never have to suffer. I’m afraid I failed in that.”

“Do not say such things,” Twilight rebuked, holding his hoof to her cheek as before. “You performed your duties admirably without fault.”

Silver Spear’s smile grows even through another cringe of pain. “Do you remember the vow I gave when I offered to become your personal guard?”

“Of course. I will never forget that day.”

Silver Spear looks back at Helios and Selene. “I pass this vow on to you two. As long as she should live, she shall never be alone.” He looks back as Twilight and recites those sacred words of his.

“For as long as I live, you will not forget, you will not be lost, you will not fear, you will not be alone. I will always be here, until the day that I die.”

With those final words, Twilight feels his hoof go limp and looks to see his eyes closed with a large smile on his face.

“Silver Spear?”

He is resting now. He is not dead.

“Speak to me.”

He cannot be dead. I am still here and he swore to be by my side, always.

“Please wake up.”

Twilight lays across his chest waiting for him to awaken and comfort her once more. Instead, a torrent of memories flood her mind as they have before. This time however, they are the lost memories she spent a lifetime trying to recall.

Princess Celestia, my teacher, and Princess Luna. Princess Sisters of Equestria who gave their lives to restore harmony at the final betrayal and fall of Discord. Shining Armor, my brother and prince of the Crystal Empire, and Princess Cadence, his wife and the Princess of Love. Each who fell defending the Crystal Empire from the return of Sombra. Spike, my loyal assistant who was like a little brother, who also fell to Sombra. My mother and father, who passed away with the sands of time. My friends, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. All who passed before me with the sands of time. Thank you Silver Spear. You have helped me reclaim myself and banished the darkness in my heart. Just as you did not leave me alone, I too will not leave you alone.

She speaks one last thing to the students who stand in the room with her. “You are now the new guardians of Equestria. Keep the vow you have taken in your hearts and do so to all ponies of the land. Perhaps we can play again one day.”

Helios and Selene look at one another to see that they each possessed a mighty set of wings along with slightly longer horns. They can say nothing as they marvel at the change. The light of the setting sun has now faded and they stand in the darkness of the night. As they look back at their teacher, they see a simple dull purple unicorn with a grey mane laying across Silver Spear. Did she ever know or realize how old she truly was? And now she had passed on her alicorn magic to the siblings which led to her final breath. They stand for a moment attempting to comprehend the situation and smile.

“Thank you Princess for everything,” Helios says.

“We promise to guide the ponies as you guided us and guard them as he guarded you,” says Selene.

“For as long as we live.”