Embracing the Sun

Celestia P.O.V.

Dear Diary...

I suppose I should be grateful for Joshua not taking advantage when I fell to my weakest point. Rather perturbed at how desperate I became, I confess myself disappointed in not being able to suppress the love and lust I desperately need to give him. My body is my own, as it is right now, within this disturbing hotel room, but the signs are starting to show.

My heat cycle is soon to happen, in which makes me more afraid than when I had to banish Luna to the moon. And if this is to happen, then I will be a different mare with magic and love that is in the mix of taking what it wants.

I never admit being afraid, but today I admitted my fears to Joshua, in which rewarded me with My Sweet Joshua finally confessing that he is in love with me.

And yet...I...I feel afraid. I feel afraid of losing him to another female, particularly a female of his own kind. The instinct Cadance informed me about is now starting to show with each human girl that comes near Josh. I feel lost within my own jealousy, my own rage, my deepest desire to ensure that he is mine.

Though it is common, in some cases, for a male to have a herd of mares, I want him to only look at me. I want his eyes to forever rest on me, not on another, not even for a second.

Is this really how it feels to be in love, to be...protective of your mate?

I know this not how a common mare should feel when she has someone in her life, so maybe it is a much more powerful state that only an alicorn feels. Perhaps having someone to love brings out the worst in a mare, especially an alicorn, when another threatens to take away the one you claimed.

It truly is a remarkable power to feel when you are in love.

Funny...heh...I felt that power when Joshua was in danger a few hours ago. Before my horn was damaged I felt something I have never felt before in my entire life as a goddess. I felt angry, monstrous at a level that makes an Ursa Major look like a teddy bear, but most of all...I felt...the need to kill.

I've never killed a creature before, not even a fly. But this morning I could feel myself gradually losing control while seeing the fear in my mate's eyes. I needed...no, I wanted to kill that human girl he told me of before.

Lacy is her name, I believe, and I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to stomp her limbs to where she could not move, then plunge my horn into heart and enchant it to where she does not die but burns on the inside with the heat of my rage. And finally, for the satisfaction of that...possessiveness...I wanted stomp on her head until it matched the flatness of the floor.

Whether this is jealousy or fear, I know for a fact that I am feeling these emotions because I am in love with Joshua. And though he is not feeling as strong for me as I feel for him, I can at least rest assured that he will very soon, and that the only mare he wants is me.

Strange, I say this and feel compelled to make our relationship more eternal than what it already is. We are forever bonded in spirit and magic, feeling and thinking the same, but I feel compelled to lock our lives together.

I know it is wrong, but I do so desperately crave that one thing no one has honored to give me.

A life with another, a marriage that cannot be undone, a...a foal that we created with our love.

I know that is more forward than when I allowed myself to press against him for breeding, but I want him to be mine forever. I want Joshua to forever be my mate, my lover, my...my king so badly that I am aroused at every moment of him touching me.

Oh how foolish I am to worry like this, for I know in my heart that we will be together for all eternity, but I cannot stop thinking and dreaming of him leaving me for another.

Perhaps I should take the time to discover where he stands in marriage and raising a family. Or better yet...I could bind our love together as more than just passionate kissing and cuddling.

Perhaps I could...breed with him...make love with him tonight?

...

I must try.

As unbecoming it is for me to think such things, my desire bests me in the matters of having Joshua all to myself. My crave for his love is unusually powerful, but it is nothing I worry about at the moment. For in this solemn moment of silence, my undisturbed thoughts continue to fuel the fire I feel in my innocence.

No longer do I feel shaky for his touch, but tremble each time I so much as catch his scent. And every time I imagine him without the clothing he wears now my loins become infernal with the need to wrap so tentatively around his most prized area.

We share the same thing, we share the fact of being virgins, so it is only fair that we will lose them to one another while the night is still young.

"I must." I whisper while taking in the freedom to be an alicorn again. My wings feel tense from the lack of using them, but that is quickly remedied with flapping them while Josh is standing at the curtained window.

He stood motionless, an exact reminder of how lifeless Discord was when he turned to stone. It made me worry while taking in the moment to be a pony once again. He should have been in bed already, resting from the long hours of taking us away from his former home.

I must admit that in the beginning of arriving here, he did not act so kindly. His aggression towards the perverted carrier certainly surprised me, and that's excluding how he lifted the man by his throat for smacking my posterior.

Uncouth and inconsiderate would be the words that come to mind. That is if I did not pity the scrawny man that is roaming this foundation, wondering if he will ever have dignity again.

And when we entered this odd room of romance, his usual act of collective silence ended with a soft groan I still find to be...frightening.

Clearly he is annoyed of this place, but to remain so calm, after what we've been through, has led me to the horrifying assumption.

That Joshua is starting to break down, regress from being himself by staying silent most of the time.

"Joshua." I say with husk. His eyes glisten in this world's moonlight, the steamy water from his recent shower trickles with unbearable teasing.

Our eyes meet for but a second, the glaze he holds in his eyes tells me all I need to know about his soul. His smile doesn't show, but the radiance around him continues to hum with an invisible portray of his growing aura.

Unable to stay away, I approach Joshua to truly see why he stands at the window. And when I do I find the reason to be more intriguing than fearful, for it rests within in his hand.

Josh P.O.V.

There are so many secrets about me that no one knows, secrets that my grandparents took to their graves for my protection and stability of who I am in this world. Reluctant is the proper word for how I feel about coming out of the closet. Afraid would be next because of Celestia always having this tendency to find out more and more things about me.

These last few months have been the best in my life; there are so many things I want to say to Celestia so that she knows how much I appreciate her. But it isn't easy when the secrets you carry are hard to get off your chest, nor is it something I want others to know.

Even I am ashamed of myself, loathing every fiber of my being on a daily basis, wishing that the truth would one day come out and reveal who I am as a person.

Because of those feelings I find it hard to believe that someone like me is honored with having an alicorn for a lover, a best friend, a companion...a mate.

As modest as that sounds...I...can't deny it. I cannot refuse Celestia loving me so much, nor chain myself from her just so that I can return to that loneliness I am so use to.

It feels good to be alone, but it hurts so much that it tears me apart on the inside. Celestia would know that I am feeling this way. Our minds are connected, as well as our souls, so she should know that what I am feeling is not healthy at all.

"Josh."

There it is, that same radiance of beauty and elegance breathing down my neck. Her lips are not to invade my privacy like this, but the room I rented for us obviously compels her to touch my neck with such fervor. She has wants and needs that I need to realize are my responsibility, and soon enough I will have to fulfill them.

"Hey," I whisper with a weak smile whilst she advances to my shoulder. Her lips trail my skin with butterfly kisses and small nibbles that give birth to her moans of lust. "Sorry about this. I just can't fall asleep yet."

"You need your rest, my love." she purrs to my ear, allowing herself to nibble on the lobe while holding me with her wings. "If you don't sleep tonight, then we cannot resume distancing ourselves from that girl."

I take this chance to kiss her back. I take my moment of peace to turn around and hold her head to mine for the most satisfying connection we've felt in hours.

"I know baby. But there are some things I feel you deserve to know, things that I haven't told anyone." I admitted hopefully.

"Things?" she questioned.

I didn't answer that question. I only tightened my grip on the necklace in my hand and led the princess to the bed for a proper discussion. She titled her head a little, curious and hot as ever, following me with the gentle nip she put to my hand after I rubbed her muzzle.

She wanted more than just a kiss, more than snuggling and kissing under the bed covers. But I didn't feel that it was right to encourage such dastardly, erotic intentions when there are other people in this godforsaken hotel.

To my dismay of privacy, Celestia took it upon herself to scoot up the bed and drag me along with her. I had not realized where this was going until she laid next to me with her muzzle nestling into my neck for more kissing. When I did I saw the same mare from back at the house, the same lustful princess, making her move while I remain motionless with a piece of the truth in my hand.

"Celestia."

"Just Tia, My Sweet Joshua, just Tia." she crooned.

I wanted her so badly, so desperately in the midst of my thinking. If I could let myself be free for just one minute, then everything I have to say would be thrown out the window after I reigned on her body.

Pony or not, she is beyond sexy and surpassing the term of beauty.

Alas my need to speak swooned my thoughts of love by pressing against her muzzle with less force. Thus causing Celestia to pull away and stare at me quizzically while I held out the object that is in my hand.

"Please Tia." I beckoned with her in my other arm. "Please let me say what I need to say."

For the first time in our relationship she actually nodded and took things down a couple of notches by holding back. We laid together on the bed but had nothing anymore intimate going on between us, nothing but the hold we have on one another.

Finally I have the courage to start what needs to be finished. The confusion the broken truth, I can finally tell Celestia all that I know about having this damn necklace I've had since I was an infant. I no longer have to be alone in the confusion, but hope that she will come to terms with what I need to say and do.

I just pray that she will not argue about it.

"Celestia I don't know much about who I am." I started with holding the necklace up to her. "I told you that my parents sold me to my grandparents, but the truth is that my parents are actually my foster parents."

"You're adopted." she whispered; her eyes never left the diamond encrusted heart, not one second.

"Yes but the thing is I do not know who my real parents are. All I know is that the day I was born I was given to my foster parents, then sold to my grandparents for reasons they won't tell me."

She flicked it with her hoof but still cuddled me. "Any particular reason as to why they didn't tell you?"

I sighed in frustration of this, fearing more and more of what I am going to imply. "Just a few things that I noticed every time I asked." I added in a monotone. "They would get scared, angry, and tell me that my real parents are a couple of selfish bastards that never loved me."

I leaned up from the princess and pondered the pain a little more, thinking it would be easier let it go. Unfortunately it isn't that easy to let go or forget when the clues are in your grasp, shining brightly in one hand while the other is folded up in my pocket.

Luckily I didn't have to be so secluded and unsure about it. Tia is right next to me with her wing curled around me and those sultry lips touching mine for a bit.

Regardless how hard this is, I felt a watery sparkle grow in the corners of eyes as she held me close.

"This is hard for you, isn't it?"

I sniffled. "More than you know, more than I know."

She furrowed her brow at me, the curiosity clearly showing as I removed my wallet from my back pocket. "More than you know?"

I nodded while taking out a very old letter that I've kept safe in one of the pouches, all neat in its credit card holder with not a single crumple in the corners.

Once that was out I unfolded and leaned closer so that she can read it with me. Call it nostalgia when I read this again and feel the tears overflow once more, fueled by the one that took her time to write this before leaving me with it and the necklace.

"This will help you understand." I whispered.

My Son, My Cub...

By the time you read this I will be long gone in another part of the country with the demons of my past coming after me instead of you. I know that doesn't make this any better, but I promised your mother that I will not keep all of my secrets away from me, just the ones that I know will do more harm than good.

Whether or not you hate me is a choice I will never blame you for. I have made mistakes that cost me many friends and family in the midst of my greedy ambitions. I will not lie to you, son, I am not a good man, I am not a good person, but by god I know that I am a good father and a good husband.

You're mother always told me that being good is defined by what you do for your loved ones. And son I know I am a father because I gave you up in order to protect you.

I lost your mother to the demons of my past, I lost the love of my life because I was a damn fool in becoming what my father wanted me to be.

Oh man, your mother; what a beauty she was. I know you will agree because of the picture that is attached to this photo is your mother. And yes I know you probably...I must be a lucky man to have such a beauty.

[img]http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/4263b4d00a5ee3f54951f3988c103e23/http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r233/Lukasona/anime_6.jpg[/img]

Well I am lucky to have had such an angel for a wife, and I am lucky to have such an awesome son like you. I just wish that I can be there to watch you grow up in the foster home I sent you to. Make no mistake, I fought long and hard on the decision, I battled with myself before coming to the conclusion of you being safer if no one knows about you.

And if you hate me...I understand. Just know that you are my greatest gift in life, my ultimate accomplishment in being a real man, but most of all...I love you, my son.

Promise me though, promise me that you'll keep the necklace safe. It is your mother's necklace and she felt it was best for you to have it so that the lucky lady in your life can have it.

Now I know I'm not supposed to say this last part but I am confident that I will have finished destroying my past by the time you're old enough. So if you ever want to know more about me and your mother, just come find me in Washington D.C. I'll be waiting each and every day at your mother's grave from 9:00-10:00 in the morning.

Find the gravestone that is... "Merith Lala Duncan."

Once you do, and if you do, then we'll talk.

Until then...goodbye my son.

I folded the folded the letter and placed it on the table next me. Celestia sat speechless with her own watery release starting as I stared lifelessly at the floor with no idea as to what I should do.

For all these years I have been wanting to meet my real father but am too scared to take that leap of faith in discovering myself. My grandparents, if they are my grandparents, would never tell me anything about them, so going to where my father lives is has been out of the question.

But now...now I'm just scared to do something about it.

"She's beautiful." my princess complimented, still holding onto the picture.

"Yes she is, which is why I need to know what happened." I said admittedly, receiving that quizzical look from her. "My father obviously has good reasons for giving me up, reasons that got my mother killed, so I need to know the truth before going back to Equestria."

"Why haven't you gone before?"

"Because-" I paused with my face buried in my hands, unable to fight off the fear in my eyes. "because I am afraid to go alone. I am so afraid to go alone and find out that he is dead as well, or...or somewhere else. I mean what if he has grown to hate me instead, what if he blames me for everything?"

I had no better explanation for this, not when the desire for the truth is eating me away.

Pitying me on a whole new level, Celestia continued to hold me and peck my lips until the tears stopped. How I am still awake for this is truly remarkable since we're going on twenty-three hours of being awake.

Nevertheless, Tia seemed to be happier with knowing a little more about me. Although it is something not worth telling, at least she is giving me her full attention and comfort.

"I know how you feel." she cooed, allowing herself to lick my cheek. "I have no knowledge about my parents. Between you and me, I don't think Luna and I have parents, I think we were created in the beginning of Equestria's birth."

"At least you understand more than anyone." I choked.

"Yes, which is why I won't let you go alone."

"What?" I looked up to said mare, only to feel her strength pull me back down while the magic she still possesses levitated the blanket over us.

Shocked and confused, I tried to squirm away and argue about this. "But I just wanted you to know, not volunteer to-" she shushed me with pressing her hoof against my mouth.

"It doesn't matter." she pulled me closer. "You're my mate, my love, and what you need to do before going back to Equestria with me is my journey as well. I love you with all my heart and I cannot bear to wonder if you will be well or in danger. So whether you like it or not...I'm going with you."

"But why...why would you do this for me? After everything that's happened; why would you care about some mystery in my life?" I asked skeptically.

"Because I love you so much that I am in love with you. For the love of Equus, Joshua, open your eyes and realize that you're not alone anymore. You have me, your mate, and three foals that love you and are probably scared to death right now because their father has been missing for hours. " she lectured sternly.

I forgot about the foals this whole. Boy, did I feel like an idiot when she reminded me of the kids being scared shitless right now.

As shitty as this is, I have to admit that she is right.

"Yeah that is true." I chuckled whilst she licked away my tears. "I have you and the foals, which is more than what I should have."

"Well fate brought us together, and it is fate that will take us to this...Washington D.C." she said lovingly.

"Yeah it is, isn't it?"

"Yes it is. Now let's get some sleep. I want to spend our first night together in the same bed with you holding me close to your chest." she shifted her position to rolling over and lying against me.

Her horn still made it difficult to rest like this, but at least I was tired enough to not really care when letting her rest against my neck.

As for the rest of me...well...let's just say that a part of me was growing at the touch of her supple rump.

"Well this is fun. Did my rump arouse my mate?" she purred.

"Sorry Tia, but I'm still not ready for us to go that far."

"Dang it!"

To Be Continued...