In Which a Fashionable Horse is Assaulted by Sugary Whipped Cream Pies.
“Hey Rarity?”
“Yes, Sweetie Belle? Make it quick, I've got to get these dresses done for tomorrow.”
“Oh… Well, the School’s running a fundraiser this weekend to fix the windows after… an accident happened while we were crusading… and we’re looking for volunteer ponies to help out with one of our events, and since you’re pretty well known around here, I was wondering if-”
“But of course, Sweetie! I’m sure it will be fun, and we can help the school together!”
“Great! Umm… are you sure, though? We’re planning to do a-”
“Of course I’m sure, darling. No matter what you’re doing, I’ll do what I can to help. I am the element of generosity, after all. Now please, I’m trying to finish up this chestpiece ribbon, and this whole ensemble has to be just perfect for tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Rarity! I’m gonna go tell miss Cheerilee!”
“Think nothing of it, dear.”
That was all Rarity could recall about the one short conversation that had sealed her fate.
Now, Rarity had certainly meant what she had said. She cared a lot for her younger sister, and knew Cheerilee well enough to trust she meant no harm in this. She had probably agreed to let the three fillies do this fundraiser thinking they would succeed in raising enough bits, have fun, and bring some happiness to the ponies who participated. Rarity could certainly see how some ponies might like it, and knowing how many ponies in town were acquainted with her and the boutique she ran, she was sure she could drum up business for this effort…
But Celestia above, Rarity regretted her hasty decision to participate.
She couldn’t back out now without disappointing Sweetie Belle, wasting the effort her sister had gone through to prepare this, and crippling the fundraising efforts. She had made a promise, and though it hadn’t been sealed by Pinkie’s signature code of honor, this was one she knew she couldn’t break.
She would have to bring herself to endure this torment, and all in the name of those she held dear. It was a noble sacrifice on her part, to be willing to serve the community this way. She was helping to both restore the schoolhouse, and to spread cheer and happiness to the ponies who would participate.
Swallowing a lump of nervousness in her throat, she awaited her doom.
Around her, ponies milled about, with their their own weekend to look forward to. The town square was practically bustling with ponies, who were eager to get their business done so they could relax, spend time with friends, and perform other fun activities reserved for times when work was through.
Sweetie Belle ran up to her, a big smile on her face.
“We’re just about ready! It’s time for you to get in place!”
Rarity stifled a groan, knowing the inevitable was soon to come. But still, as she let her sister lead her to the center of the fundraising setup, she was able to maintain her smile, and ensure her sister didn’t know just how hesitant she was.
The fundraiser was a simple setup, but a fairly logical one. In front, there was a table, a large poster on the front side, where Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle would take bits and thank the customers. There was a small strongbox there, to hold the money they raised, along with a large stack of pie tins, and numerous small cans of what looked like whipped cream, though they all had different colors, and labels that seemed to indicate flavors.
Sweetie lead Rarity to an area behind the table, where the ground was covered by a layer of towels, presumably to keep the ground clean and prevent the fundraiser from leaving too much of a mess in the center of town.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack were also in the closed-off area, and as Rarity approached, the two ponies both looked at her with curious smiles.
“Hey there, Rarity!” Rainbow said, “I’m surprised Sweetie managed to get you to sign up for this!”
Rarity shivered.
“I suppose this is something that would seem… against my tastes. I almost can’t believe it either!”
Applejack shrugged. “Ah didn’t think Rainbow here would be up for it either, but here y’all are!”
“Hah!” Rainbow laughed, looking into Applejack’s eyes with a challenging smirk. “Like I’m gonna let you do something fun and then say I’m too chicken to help!”
She leaned in close to Applejack, so that their eyes met, both filled with competitive spirit.
“I bet you five bits more ponies will want to pie me than you.”
Applejack’s grin widened.
“Ah’ll raise ya five bits more!”
“Deal!”
And with that, Rarity could only watch on in utter disgust as the two ponies spat onto their hooves, then bumped them together with a sloppy, wet thump.
“Ugh… just what kind of primitive, unrefined tradition have I been talked into?”
Looking out to the rest of town square, Rarity watched as ponies gathered around, curious what was going to happen here. Seeing the poster that adorned the table, many whispered quietly to their companions, giggling in anticipation. While not all of them had the bits to spare for a fundraiser, it was very clear that there would be plenty of entertaining things to watch soon enough.
Nervously glancing around, Rarity cursed her careless offer once again.
A few moments later, Apple Bloom began to address the slowly growing crowd.
"Alright everypony, let's get started!" She said loudly as the others quieted down to listen.
"Firstly, we'd like to say thank you in advance for everypony who chooses to help us raise bits to repair the schoolhouse! We hope y'all have fun, and appreciate anything you can give. We'd also like to thank our wonderful volunteers today, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity!"
There were shouts of applause as ponies stamped their hooves, eager to watch the event begin.
"So here's how it's gonna work," the filly explained enthusiastically, "It costs three bits to pie one pony, five bits to pie two, and seven to get all three. Scootaloo here's got a bunch of flavors for the pies, if you've got one you really want. Once you got your pie... well, we all know what happens after that!"
Rarity winced as the crowd applauded again, louder this time as laughter echoed off the nearby buildings. They all seemed so eager... This was beginning to look like a worse idea with every passing second.
"So," Apple Bloom shouted out, "Let's get goin'! Who wants to go first!"
There was a resounding cry from the middle of the audience as a pink blur raced to the front of the group.
"Me me me ME ME ME! Pick me!"
Apple Bloom smiled as seven shining bits were placed onto the table.
“Thanks Pinkie! Have fun!”
Scootaloo grabbed one of the cans eagerly, shook it a bit, then sprayed some of the fluffy cream into an empty tin, quickly filling it up with light pink goodness. Smiling at her handiwork, the filly offered the pie to Pinkie, who took it with an ecstatic smile.
“I hope you girls are ready for this!” she said, turning to the three defenceless ponies, their clean faces just waiting to be given a fresh layer of messy whipped cream.
Rainbow grinned as Pinkie approached.
“So you wants to pie all three of us, huh? You know you wanna do me first! C’mon Pinkie, hit me with your best shot!”
Pinkie giggled.
“Okie dokie lokie!”
Splat!
The crowd erupted in cheers and laughter as Rainbow Dash’s face was suddenly adorned with a pie tin, it’s contents sticking onto her face. Cries of joy spread, attracting more ponies to the scene, so they might see what was happening.
Nopony laughed louder than Pinkie, her uncontrolled giggles broken only by snorts as she let her head hang back, letting everyone see just how happy she was.
“Ohmygosh that was so much fun! I need to do this again sometime! Maybe I’ll do it to get back at you for that hoof buzzer last week, Dashie!”
Rainbow, laughing along with the rest of the ponies around her, let the pie tin slowly slide off her face, then wiped some of the cream away from her eyes as she looked back at her assailant.
“Nice one, Pinkie! Maybe next time, you can be one of the ponies who gets pied!”
“Oooooh! That sounds like so much fun! Where do I sign up? I wanna do it!”
“Calm down Pinkie!” Said Scootaloo, giggling as she handed her another pie, this one colored a bit of a darker red, like an apple. “You’ve still got two more ponies to pie!”
“Yeah, girl!” said Applejack, chuckling to herself. “I gotta get some of that pie on mah face if I wanna beat Rainbow here!”
Pinkie smiled at Scootaloo in thanks as she accepted her new weapon of mass merriment.
“Right right right! I hope you’re ready then, AJ!”
Turning suddenly, Pinkie spun towards the orange farmer pony, who only had a moment to breathe in before she too had a faceful of pie.
Splat!
Another burst of laughter came from the crowd, louder this time, now that even more ponies had come to see what was making so many ponies this happy.
The only pony who had not laughed the entire time was Rarity.
She looked on in horror as she witnessed firsthand the unclean, ignoble process. Her turn was yet to come, and she looked at Pinkie with a fake, nervous smile. As her friend chortled over her second victim, she could only think of what was yet to come, how horrid it was going to be, and just how much time it would take to restore her beautiful face to it’s usual state afterwards.
As Applejack chuckled, clearing just enough of her face that she could see, Rarity just couldn’t understand why she and Rainbow Dash seemed so… cheerful. Their public image was being dragged through the mud, and yet they laughed about it! Who could possibly like having their face covered in this foul substance?
Rarity’s thoughts stopped dead as soon as she saw Scootaloo handing Pinkie her third and final pie, this one, somehow, managing to be a shade of purple.
Pinkie stepped towards Rarity, an innocent grin on her face as she walked forwards.
Each step she took made a deep part of Rarity’s mind scream for her to flee, to get away from this place and never offer to help with a fundraiser ever again. Eyes darting about to search for anything that might save her from an awful fate, her smile began to slip away as she felt sweat run down her neck.
As she just happened to look towards the table, she looked to see a line forming, ponies eager to participate in this “fun” activity.
Gleeful knowing their project was going to be a clear success, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom turned to each other for a moment, bumping their hooves together in excitement.
Sweetie Belle…
As much as Rarity hated the prospect of being the butt of a public jovial affair, she had to do this for Sweetie Belle. It was far too late to back out now, or she would disappoint everypony here. She spotted audience members clamoring for a look as Rarity would take her first pie, and though she didn’t see any cameras yet, she could imagine the drama that would follow if she suddenly refused to follow through with her promise.
Looking back to Pinkie, her expression full of defeat, she closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.
“Okay Pinkie, go ahead. Just try not to-”
Splat!
Suddenly the world around Rarity was reduced to a thick, gooey texture, impacting against her head. She would have screamed in protest, but then, even more of the cream would just get in her mouth. Having been pied while she spoke, she had already gotten plenty on her tongue, which tasted peculiarly of… grapes? How odd, though considering the kinds of sweets Pinkie was known for making, she wasn’t surprised such a flavor was made…
She probably would have liked it more if it hadn’t been everywhere.
After a few seconds encased in a grape-flavored hell, Rarity felt the hoof holding it there pull back, letting the pie tin fall away. Instantly, Rarity picked up a hoof, wiping a good deal of the pie off her eyes and face. Dear Celestia, there was even some that had made it’s way into her nose!
How uncouth! Why in all of Equestria did this have to happen! This was the worst possible fate Rarity could ever imagine. Her glorious look was ruined for all the town to behold, and this was only the first pony! Any commoner with three bits in hoof could just stroll by now and repeat this process… For Rarity, nothing she had ever felt compared to the agonizing feeling in her gut as she stood there, cream smeared all over her visage, as the crowd about her cheered in delight.
“Wheee! That was great! You should do this more often, Rarity!” said Pinkie, happily bouncing away now that she had gotten her bits worth, humming a merry tune all the while.
Finally managing to clean her face enough to see clearly again, Rarity looked up to see another pony now in Pinkie’s place, holding a fresh pie in one hoof.
…This was not going to be a good day for fabulosity.
Resigning herself to her fate, Rarity threw on another fake smile as the pie was lifted by a minty green magic aura, turned to face it’s target, and then…
Splat!
This was going to be a long afternoon.
“Big Mac? Didn’t ya have chores to do today?”
“Eeyup.”
“...Did you at least finish them before ya got here?”
“Eeyup.”
“...That pie’s for me, now, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup.”
Splat!
“Oh hey, Bulk! You come out of the gym to see-”
Splat!
“YEAAAAAAAAAH! I PIED RAINBOW DASH!”
“Heh. Love ya too, big guy.”
“Sweetie Belle! Just what do you think you’re doing?!”
“Sorry sis! It’s just too tempting!”
“Kyaaaaaaaaaah!”
Splat!
“This is for all those wing-ups you made me do before the Equestria Games!”
“That was to keep you fit and ready, Thunderlane! It was for your own good!”
“I know!”
Splat!
“A wonderfully chaotic idea! I believe I’ll throw a pie as well!”
“Discord! This here’s a fundraiser! Y’all gotta pay if ya want one!”
“Oh, but look here! I have my own pie! I don’t think there’s any rules against that, right Applejack?”
“Grrr… Ah guess not.”
Splat!
“I… I’m so sorry, Rarity! I told them I didn’t want to, that I just wanted to give them some bits… but they said I had to, and… and…”
“It’s okay, Fluttershy! It’s not like you’re going to hurt her or anything!”
“O-okay, Rainbow… if you’re sure it’s okay…”
Squish.
A wave of cherry flavoring flooded Rarity’s senses as another pie tin was timidly pressed onto her face. This day had gone on so long, and so many ponies had come up to her with these pies, that she had just about given up entirely on her appearance. The messy, multicolored remains of her previous customers' pies covered her face, ruining her image entirely as she felt the tin from Fluttershy's brief assertion fall back, leaving yet another layer to clean off once she returned to the boutique at the end of the day.
But the entire time, Sweetie Belle had seemed so happy... Rarity just couldn't bring herself to protest.
"Oh my... That felt... interesting..." said Fluttershy, pulling back and blushing heavily, fully realizing what she had just done to Rarity.
"It's okay, Fluttershy dear." Rarity said, once again using her hoof to wipe away just enough of the pie's remains so she could see. "I've been doing this all day. One more pie isn't a problem."
But even as she said so to help calm her friend, Rarity knew it was not true. How she despised this torment, loathed every single tin that hit her features, and the creamy substance that came with it. Why was this world so cruel? Just how much more would she have to endure?
"Okay, looks like we've got our last customer, girls!" Apple Bloom called out loudly, letting the three mares know they were almost through with this. Rarity was relieved. She didn't know just how much more she could take.
Nearby, Rainbow Dash and Applejack glanced at each other with competitive grins.
"I've got twenty-three pies thrown at me. how many did you get, AJ?"
"Ah got just as many. Looks like we'll need a tiebreaker..."
The two glared at each other, each cracking a smile before turning their heads to see the last customer approaching.
It just happened to be Twilight Sparkle, walking forward, her horn glowing with magic as a single pie floated alongside her. Giggling to herself like a little filly, she approached her two friends.
"Hey, girls!" Twilight said cheerfully. "I never knew Ponyville ran fundraisers like this. It's such a wonderful idea, and it seems like so much fun! I'm glad that you're all out here helping the community, but this just makes everything so much better!"
Rainbow waved off Twilight's praise with a hoof, swiping at the air in front of her.
"Oh, it's nothin', Twi. Besides, who wouldn't want the chance to throw a pie at the one and only Rainbow Dash!"
Applejack only chuckled at Rainbow's comment.
"Yeah, sure they do. Ah'm pretty sure Twilight's got her eyes set on me, though."
"No way! I'm the one she wants to pie!"
"Ya sure about that, Sugarcube?"
Twilight laughed as her two friends fought over her pie. Her light, frivolous giggles carried over to Rarity, who stood to the side with her.
"Well darling," Rarity started, "it seems those two are at it again. I suppose it is amusing that they'd fight so hard for just a pie to the face."
"That's true," Twilight responded. "I suppose we should be thankful they've both taken this up with a good spirit though."
Rarity grimaced. "I can't really see why they keep up this silly competition of theirs anyway. Even if the goal is to have fun and not give up their honor, or something like that, I could have much more fun socializing at the spa or having a picnic lunch."
"I guess that's just the way they are," Twilight lamented. "Even if it's not our cup of tea, I don't think we should deny them their own preferences."
Rarity sighed. That much was true. The only reason she was here at all was for her friends, her sister, and the promise she had made. The bonds between her and her friends were indeed strong, even so much that she could endure such torture for them.
At least now it was over. Twilight would give one of her two friends the final pie, and then the nightmare would be finished. She could forget about this horrible day, its only remains the writing in the book of friendship lessons Twilight kept with her friends. She'd return to the boutique, and in a few hours, she would be beautiful again, as if her face had never been befouled by such a disgraceful substance. Her normal life would resume...
"Come on, Twilight! Make your choice and pie me already!"
"No way, sugarcube! Ah helped organize this stand, so ah've earned this one fair and square!"
Twilight sighed as the two athletic ponies continued to argue.
"Sorry Applejack. I know you've worked hard for this, but Rainbow's had this coming for a long time now!"
Splat!
There was a muffled cry of joyful victory from Rainbow as the soft, whipped delight impacted her light blue muzzle. Reveling in her victory, the Pegasus pumped a hoof into the air, letting Twilight's pie stick onto her face, wearing it like a trophy.
With a light chuckle, Applejack lamented her defeat, though no part of her looked to deny she had enjoyed the competition nonetheless.
Finally removing the pie tin, Rainbow performed an overly dramatic show as she flew above the other ponies.
"And Rainbow Dash wins again! Thank you all!" She exclaimed.
"You're so awesome, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo cheered, pounding her hooves against the ground in applause.
Rainbow flew down to her number one fan, giving the little filly a victorious noogie, which managed to mess up her mane even more than usual, covering Scootaloo's face with spots of cream as the pie began to drip off Rainbow's face.
"Thanks for invitin' me, squirt! It's been real fun, and I hope you guys got enough money to fix the schoolhouse with this!"
"With you here, I know we did! Thanks so much, Rainbow Dash!"
"Anytime, kid. Anytime."
Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack watched the two celebrate their victory, giggling amongst themselves.
"Well, ah guess ah owe ya some bits then, Rainbow?" Applejack said, breaking the silence between Rainbow and Scootaloo's giggles.
"Yup!" Rainbow said as she looked up. "Ten of 'em, in fact."
"Of course." Applejack replied, looking over her shoulder at a pair of saddlebags propped against the fountain, the Apple family's emblem engraved on the flaps. Trotting over, she began to rummage through the contents.
"This'll make us a little tight on bits 'til cider season, but ah suppose it was worth it."
Rarity looked on as one by one, Applejack produced golden bits from the bottom of her bag. There was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind, saying that she should stop this, and try to convince Rainbow to let Applejack keep her side of the bet, but she knew it would be pointless. Applejack had lost fair and square, and such a stubborn, honest pony would never accept such a solution.
Then again, Rarity thought, I suppose she had a good time anyway, and still seems to have her good cheer.
Who knew that ponies could enjoy taking pies to the face so much...
And then, it hit her.
"Wait, Applejack!"
"Huh?" The earth pony looked up from her bag.
Rarity let a grin cross her face.
"This isn't over yet, darling."
As the other ponies looked on, rarity smiled and lit her horn up, her magic aura levitating three shining bits from her own saddlebags.
"I do believe there is one more pony who'd like to take part in this 'pie-ing' business."
Applejack looked at Rarity in confusion for a moment, then at the bits she levitated, and back. As she finally realized what was happening, her face brightened, and she threw her head back, letting out a hearty laugh.
"Ahahaha! Oh, sugarcube! Ya don't have to do this just to save little old me from losing ten bits!"
Rarity just smiled back as she watched Rainbow Dash's jaw drop in disbelief.
"Oh, but I insist, darling. Sweetie Belle, won't you be a dear and get me a pie?"
The younger unicorn let out a giggle of her own, as she took Rarity's bits, putting them away in the box with the rest. She motioned to Scootaloo, who regretfully filled one last pie tin with whipped cream, and extended it towards Rarity, who took hold of it with her magic, nodding her thanks to the young fillies.
Then, she began trotting towards Applejack.
The orange farmer pony looked back, eyebrow raised as she stared at Rarity, as if daring her to continue.
“Wait!” Rainbow Dash cried out from the sideline. “Isn’t this cheating? I won fair and square! Twilight’s pie was the last one, right? right?”
As both Rarity and Applejack giggled at Rainbow’s bemusement, They shared a knowing glance.
“Ah dunno, Rarity. Rainbow’ll be mighty upset if ya throw that there pie at-”
Splat!
Applejack was interrupted as the pie hit her face, the tasty cream stopping the outburst as Applejack’s smile disappeared under the tin. Rarity could only laugh as her magical hold ceased, and she let the pie hit, slowly oozing it’s way down the orange pony’s face.
Rarity felt a strange satisfaction, a source of pride from the action she had taken. Not only had she made even the pair of competitors, and let Applejack keep her bits, but there was another source of pleasure, knowing that she had just done a comically embarrassing act to one of her best friends, even if it was willingly. It was too good, almost, and Rarity felt the strangest desire to do this again someday, perhaps with Rainbow Dash next time. Now that would be satisfying…
“No need to thank me, dear!” Rarity said through her unrestrained giggles, which were soon echoed by the rest of the ponies nearby. She even heard Twilight clopping her hooves together in a quiet applause.
That was when Rarity knew that this entire day, none of the pies had been meant to humiliate. Her eyes shone as she realized their true meaning.
The pies are a metaphor for love, she thought. Each one represents hard-earned bits going to a noble cause, ponies willingly giving up their facial beauty for a fun time for everypony, and the entire community together striving for a common goal.
And even though taking pies to the face might seem like suffering, it’s really just the ponies around me showing they care.
And at that moment, Rarity forgave every single thing that had transpired that afternoon. From that moment on, this was to be a fond memory, kept forever above any normal day at the spa, or an eventless morning of dressmaking. This was what her friendship had created, and she was proud of what she had done.
“Well, I suppose if we are all done here, we should clean up, and then go our separate-”
“Wait just one minute, Rarity!”
Rarity froze. Everything had just been resolved! Everyone could trot away happily, and the event was successful! What was…
Rainbow Dash’s hoof banged on the table where the three fillies sat.
Three bits clinked as they hit the tabletop.
“Don’t you dare think you can just make me lose a bet with Applejack and get away with it, ‘little miss perfect’! Get me one of those pies, squirt!”
Scootaloo was only too happy to oblige her idol.
Rarity began slowly backing away from Rainbow Dash, a blushing, innocent smile on her face.
“Now darling,” she pleaded, “revenge is so unladylike, don’t you think? You don’t need to throw a pie at my face just to get back at me for this… We’re friends, right?”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes showed no sympathy as she flew towards the white unicorn, foreleg extended and aimed straight for her target’s face, a cherry pie held on the end.
“Eeeeeek!”
Splat!
“Now we’re friends again, Rarity!”
Dear Diary,
Today, I learned a number of important lessons that I, for my own sake, hope I remember.
First, I learned not to jump into things too quickly without knowing what you’re getting yourself into. If you dive headfirst into everything you ever see, you might just get stuck somewhere you don’t want to be, and that can be horrid for both you and everyone else involved.
I also learned that one should never be afraid to try new things. While you certainly shouldn’t force yourself into something you know you dislike, it never hurts to try something you think might be fun. Who knows, perhaps, you’ll find something you really enjoy, and can appreciate for years to come.
Lastly, I learned that my favorite flavor of whipped cream is strawberry. Funny, how you learn these things about yourself while in mortal peril.
~Rarity
