The bell above Rarity's door chimed. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where—Oh, Twilight, Pinkie, lovely to see you. What brings you to the Boutique today?”
Pinkie bounced around the room as she spoke. “We've got some really super extra-exciterrific news, and we thought you'd wanna be the first to hear it.”
“Oh?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Well, why don't we discuss this over some tea?”
A flurry of kettles and teacups later, the three were seated around the kitchen table. “So,” continued Rarity, looking first at Pinkie, then at Twilight. “What is this news you wanted to tell me?”
Twilight smiled and draped a wing over Pinkie, who nuzzled close to her. “Pinkie and I are... uh... together now.”
Rarity's eyes shot open, and she squealed with delight. “Oh, I'm so happy for you. So how did this happen?”
Twilight began, “Well, I—”
“I mean, clearly Pinkie has been madly in love with you for a long time.” Twilight and Pinkie exchanged confused glances. Pinkie shrugged. Rarity ignored them. “I assume she's been dropping hints for the last few months. You know, small details like spending lots of time around the castle, baking lots of pink and purple cupcakes, having Dash write, 'I love you, Twilight Sparkle' in giant letters across the sky, that sort of thing. And Twilight, oblivious as always (don't give me that look, darling, you know it's true), missed all of them. And so, in a desperate bid to win your affection, Pinkie ran off into the Everfree in the hopes that you would follow. Of course, she ran into some sort of horrible creature, perhaps a manticore or a cockatrice. Naturally, you found her just in the nick of time and used your magic to save the day. And here you are now, so clearly everything worked out for the best.”
Twilight blinked a few times. “Rarity, did you seriously just suggest that Pinkie Pie would be too subtle?”
“Yeah,” added Pinkie. “And I'd never stop at just cupcakes. I mean, there's a whole world of baked goods out there. You've got your cakes, your chimicherrychangas, your TwiPies, your—”
“Hmmm, I suppose you're right. It would never have worked out that way.” Rarity sipped her tea in contemplation. “No, I know what happened. Rainbow Dash decided it would be a fun prank to set the two of you up on a blind date. Naturally, Twilight spent the entire week beforehand obsessing (you're making that face again, dear), and by the time the date came, she was a nervous wreck. And then she got there and saw you, Pinkie. Then the two of you and Dash had a good laugh about the whole ordeal. But that night, after you both went home, you couldn't help but think about the date and how easy it was to feel comfortable together. And you realized that you really did have feelings for each other. So you got up in the middle of the night to serenade Pinkie outside Sugarcube Corner. And at the same time, she went to throw rocks at the castle window. Eventually you both realized what was going on and ran into each other's arms declaring your undying affection for one another.”
“That's... That's quite the story, Rarity. You do know that most of the stuff in those romance novels I gave you is fictional, right? Because none of that actually happens in real life. No, we—”
“Ooh,” interrupted Pinkie. “Can I guess now?”
Twilight raised a hoof to her temple. “Pinkie, you were there. You know exactly how it happened.”
“Well, yeah. But that doesn't mean I can't guess. And Rarity looked like she was having so much fun with it. I want to have fun, too. Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?”
“Go ahead,” Twilight sighed.
“So Spike and Sweetie Belle were playing around with the lab in your basement and decided it would be fun to make a love potion—A real love potion, not a love poison like what the Cutie Mark Crusaders gave Big Mac and Cheerilee—but they realized that they were already too madly in love with each other to test it out—”
“Spike and Sweetie Belle aren't dating, are they?” whispered Rarity.
“Not that I'd noticed,” replied Twilight.
“So they left the potion sitting out for later and then forgot about it, and when Twilight came down to do work in the lab the next morning she was really really tired because she's not a morning pony at all (well you're not, even if you are Celestia's student), so she drank it thinking it was coffee, and then I came over with a basket of pink and purple cupcakes and she kissed me and so I panicked and ran away to Fluttershy's place to work out all the butterflies in my tummy and eventually the love potion wore off and she realized what she'd done and came over to apologize to me but in that time I figured out that I liked Twilight a lot too and so when she opened the door I kissed her back and then we made out for a bit while Fluttershy turned bright red in the background and then we—”
“Thank you, Pinkie,” said Rarity, shoving a hoof into Pinkie's mouth. “That was, um...”
“That was a story all right,” finished Twilight. “No bearing on reality, but definitely a story.”
“Well,” Rarity conceded, “I've had my fun. So, how did—”
The bell chimed again. “Raaaaaarity!” came a high-pitched voice. Sweetie Belle burst into the kitchen. “Rarity, are you in here? Oh, hi guys! What's up?”
“We were just talking about how me and Twilight started dating,” replied Pinkie. Twilight's eye twitched a bit at Pinkie's grammar, but she remained silent.
“Oh, you're dating now? So cute!” she squeaked. “Does this mean your letter finally got delivered?” Everypony gave her a quizzical look. “You know, the love letter? Twilight wrote a sappy letter to Pinkie and didn't want Spike to read it, so she had Derpy send it. But there was some sort of mistake, and Derpy gave it to Applejack and said it was from Pinkie. So there were lots of ponies avoiding each other and all that dumb drama. Then Applejack finally went and told Pinkie that she wasn't interested. And Pinkie had no idea what was going on, so she went and asked Twilight for advice. And Twilight gave one of those really long lectures with lots of big words (come on, you do it all the time) which Pinkie sort of tuned out, so by the time she got around to actually confessing her love, Pinkie was asleep. And so she left without actually realizing that Twilight was in love with her. But you're together now, so clearly Derpy must have finally gotten the letter to Pinkie and explained everything.” She smiled. “Anyway, Spike wanted to go get ice cream. Can I have twenty bits?” She made her best puppy-dog eyes.
“Yes, of course.” Rarity magically drew a pouch of coins from a box on the counter. “You two have fun.” Sweetie Belle giggled and ran off. “Now, what was that about a letter?”
“I have no idea,” answered Twilight. “I don't know where she came up with that story.”
“Okay, then how did it happen?”
“Now, this might sound a bit crazy.”
“Go on.”
“I realized I liked Pinkie.”
“Yes?”
“So I asked her out.”
“And I said yes!” interjected Pinkie.
“And?” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes.
“No, no, that's pretty much it.”
“What, no drama? No intrigue? No bizarre twists of fate?”
“Don't be silly,” said Pinkie. “That kind of stuff only happens in fanfiction.”
Author's Note
I read a lot of fanfic, and some tropes come up an awful lot. I decided to poke fun at a few of them.
Once again, thanks to GrenouilleOrange and sahara0028 for making it readable.
As always, feedback is welcome.
