The Ballad of Rainbow Dash and Time Turner: Give A Little Love

by dramatic_spoon

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Rarity, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9704

Time Turner and Rainbow Dash deal with how they feel about each other.

The Long Awaited continuations/prequels to Help Yourself, It's Not Unusual, and Resurrection Beat.

After another long night of drinking with each other, Time Turner and Rainbow Dash are forced to face something that's been on their minds for the longest time:

Are they just friends?
Or is there something about the other that makes them want to give a little love?

Published 2014-06-26 08:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-11 09:09:14 UTC

Once Upon a Time

Rainbow Dash groaned as she forced herself to open her eyes. The mare sat up and struggled to take in her surroundings: a bare room, devoid of paint, rugs and other decorations. Sunlight streamed in through the only window, barely illuminating the room. The mare looked down at the rough, course sheets of her bed and lumpy pillow. Dash sighed, as realization sunk it.

“I’m at Berry’s.” the mare collapsed face first into the rough pillow, “Again.”

Dash remained motionless, trying to focus her thoughts through her hazy hangover. After some time, the mare rolled off the bed, landing on her hooves with a wince.

“Dammit, how much did I drink?”

The mare half shuffled, half staggered out of the room, nearly bumping into the doorway. Dash squinted as she made her way down the hallway, sunlight nearly blinding her. She finally made her way into the bar room, nearly knocking over one of the barstools in her attempts to sit on one. Next to her, a brown earth stallion slumped over on his seat, his face flat against the bartop.

“…You’re still here?” Dash groaned.

“Please don’t talk,” the stallion replied, his voice muffled and distorted from speaking into the wood, “my head feels like it’s going to explode.”

Berry slammed a bottle of gin onto the countertop, forcing the stallion to raise his head.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Time Turner groaned as he rubbed his temples.

“It woke you up, didn’t it?”

The bartender plopped two shot glasses onto the table and trotted off.

“What did we drink last night?” Dash asked.

“…Might have been ‘The Four Horses and Tartarus follows’.” Turner grunted.

“That’s the one with three different whiskeys and rum, right?”

“No, that’s ‘The Four Horses go to sea’,” The stallion paused in thought, “…You only said three whiskeys, how can it be ‘Four Horses’ if there’s only three liquors?”

“Doesn’t the rum replace one of them?”

Time Turner’s response was cut off as Berry returned carrying several bottles and two eggs. The barmare slammed the bottles onto the table, causing the hungover ponies to wince.

“You gonna stay awake now or what?” Berry asked as she cracked the eggs into each glass. The mare unscrewed the top of one of the bottles and dumped a clumped-up brown sauce onto the eggs, followed by a dash of pepper and salt. The mare popped the top of the hot sauce bottle and doused the concoction in generous amount of the sauce.

“Isn’t that a little too much?” Dash grunted, “Usually you don’t put as much.”

“You ended up having a drinking contest with Trottingham Carriage Bombs.” Berry replied as she topped off both cups with gin. The mare pushed the two cups towards the hungover ponies.
“I don’t mind the two of you going out on ‘let’s get drunk’ dates, but please think of your livers,” Berry continued on as the two downed their concoctions. The two wiped away the remains of the drink from their lips before continuing on.

“We’re not dating”. The two responded as they slammed the cups down onto the countertop.

“You show up here twice a week, you drink until you pass out, and you two enjoy it,” Berry paused, “If that’s not a date, I don’t know what is.”

“Berry, just because that’s how you met your husband, it doesn’t mean that it applies to everyone.” Time Turner rubbed his head, “I need a full Shire breakfast…”

“On it. You want one too, Dash?”

“Yeah yeah…” Dash waved the bartender off.

Berry shrugged and trotted off, “You guys need to pay your tabs soon. They’re getting pretty ridiculous.”

“It’s still under five hundred, isn’t it?” Dash called out. Rather than responding, Berry flicked on her stove and tossed something into a greased pan. The sound and smell of sizzling eggs and other foods began to fill the empty bar as Time Turner looked at Dash.

“…We’re just friends, right?”

“…I think so?” Dash shrugged, “I mean, you spend all that time with Ditzy, so…”

“What?” Time Turner blinked, confused. “Oh, right, Ditzy.”

“I mean… right?” Dash stuttered, “At least that’s what folks sa-”

Dash was cut off as Berry placed two plates on the table. Each plate was loaded with fried eggs, fried eggplant, fried zucchini, fried green tomatoes, a pile of sautéed onions and mushrooms, and a handful of fried diced potatoes.

“You guys can say whatever you want,” Berry shrugged, “Now eat your breakfast and go to work.”

Dash stumbled through the doorway, and staggered toward the front desk. The pony at the desk, a pale yellow pegasus, frowned.

“Hey Raindrops,” Dash flashed a still-groggy, forced smile, “Sorry I’m late, I-”

“You have tomato between your teeth,” Raindrops replied, “Mirror’s over there and we got Cloudchaser to fill in your shift.”

“Seriously?”

“You were supposed to start at five.” Raindrops returned to her paperwork, “It’s eight-twenty.”

“Well is there something I can do?”

“We already spoke to Fog Gun about it, Everyone’s got it covered. You’ve just going to have to give up your day off next week.”

“Oh come on!” Dash groaned, “This is only the third time it’s happened!”

“Other ponies got their own plans,” Raindrops shrugged, “Stop drinking all night with your coltfriend.”

“He’s not…”

Dash’s rebuttal was cut off as a door creaked open. An elderly, dirty grey pegasus stuck her head out of the room and noticed Dash.

“Oh. So glad you joined us today, Rainbow Dash,” the mare smiled, “I assume Raindrops has already informed you of your schedule change, yes?”

“…Right.”

“And you know that we will not tolerate this sort of thing becoming a regular event.”

“It’s only the third time!” Dash protested.

“In two months,” Fog Gun shook her head, “Look, I don’t mind you going out to spend time with your coltfriend, but could you two do something other than drink until you pass out?
You’re a good worker, Dash. I would honestly hate to fire you over something like this.”

“He’s not my coltfriend.”

“Your drinking buddy then,” Fog Gun shrugged, “just take the rest of the day off, and report back bright and early tomorrow.”

Fog Gun’s head vanished into the office, and the door slammed shut. Raindrops looked up.

“Look, Dash…I think you should follow the boss’s advice. I heard it through the grapevine that Soarin was seen in town, wh-”

“Yeah, I know,” Dash sighed, “Alright, later.”

The pegasus sighed and trotted out the door. Dash continued her way down the street, lost in her thoughts.

“Well now what? I don’t feel like eating after all that….I g-”

Dash bumped into someone, smacking her head against their body.

“OW! Sorry, sorry…” Dash scrunched her eyes as she rubbed her head, “Ow, headaches still there.”

“Sorry ‘bout that Dash.” A rough, accented voice apologized.

Dash opened her eyes, revealing a slightly embarrassed Big Macintosh.

“Sorry big guy, lost in my thoughts.” Dash apologized.

“It’s fine,” Mac shrugged, “Happens to everyone.”

“Yeah… yeah.”

“ ‘Course I reckon bein’ hungover ain’t exactly helpin’.” Mac chuckled.

“…Do I reek of alcohol or what?” Dash sniffed one of her wings.

“No, but Chaser got called in t’ work today,” Mac continued on, “We were suppose to have a nice breakfast this mornin’ but she got called into work early.”

“…Oh, so you found out, huh?” Dash blushed.

“Eeyup. But she didn’t mind too much.” Mac paused, “ ‘Course this means that we had t’ cancel, but that’s fine. I promised her that I’d make lunch.”

“…Hey, do you know if Rarity’s here?”

“Miss Rarity?” Mac scratched his chin in thought, “I reckon so, bu-”

A rainbow blur whizzed by him as the stallion finished his sentence.
“-t I reckon her coltfriend might still be there….” Mac trailed off as the pegasus flew out of view.
“…Well she like them Wonderbolts, so I suppose everything’ll work out in the end.”

Dash skidded to a stop in front of the Carousel Boutique. The mare trotted up towards the door and paused.

“…Well, here goes nothing.”

Dash’s hoof went up and as she prepared to knock on the door, it suddenly opened. Soarin stepped into the doorway, still looking behind him. Dash’s eyes widened in surprise and she froze in place.

“So it’s settled then,” the stallion chuckled, “Thursday. My treat.”

“Alright then, I’ll be waiting for you.” Rarity practically sang out, “Until then.”

Soarin chuckled as he continued out the door, still ignorant of Dash’s presence. As he turned his head, he managed to smack his nose into Dash’s outstretched hoof.

“Ow!”

Rarity trotted into view, “Soarin? What’s…” the fashionista trailed off as she saw the scene in front of her.
“Rainbow Dash! What are you doing?”

Dash snapped back into reality, “Ohmygosh,I’msosorry! Areyoualri-”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Soarin rubbed his nose, chuckling, “Not the worst thing that’s happened to me. Anyway, see you two later.”

With that, the Wonderbolt took to the air and easily zipped away. Rarity continued forward until she was finally face to face with Dash.

“Put your hoof down, it’s rather unlady like.” Rarity ordered.

“What?” Dash blinked, looking down at the offending foot, “Oh.”

“Well, I suppose you can come in,” Rarity turned around and started back into the room. Dash followed her in, closing the door behind her.

“So what can I do for you today?” Rarity asked.

“I… well…” Dash stumbled over the words, “I want to apologize for last night.”

Rarity paused, “Which part, the dinner disaster or the part where you tried to rope Soarin into singing ‘Mama Told Me Not To Come’?”

“I did what?”

“You and Time Turner kept singing Thunderball songs, and tried to rope Soarin into singing ‘Mama Told Me Not To Come’ with you.”

“What happened to Time Turner?”

“He passed out after his rendition of ‘Sugar Daddy’.”

“…Berry never mentioned any of that.”

“I think she wanted to save you the embarrassment. The hangover was bad enough, I assume.”

“Yeah…” Dash agreed, “So, anyway, like I was saying earlier, I came to apologize. For, you know, accidently knocking pasta onto your head.”

The corner of Rarity’s eye twitched as she flashed a forced, obviously faked smile at the pegasus, “Well, I suppose it’s forgivable, given the… circumstances.”

“When were you gonna tell us that you were dating Soarin anyway? And how did you meet?”

“…We were going to tell you when it became clear that you all would not go crazy about it,” Rarity paused, “So probably much, much later.”

“…Seriously?” Dash cocked an eyebrow, “You really think you could hide something like this from Pinkie?”

“Provided that I make a valiant effort and do not inform either Twilight or you… yes, I did.
But now you know, and I do hope you will keep your mouth shut.”

“Sure, sure. I can do it.” Dash stifled a smile. With that answer, Rarity cocked an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Promise.”

“Well then…” Rarity’s grin turned predatory, “Since you’re here and trying to apologize, you can help me out.”

Dash flinched.

“I need a nice athletic model…”

“…Wait, before you start trying to mummify me, I need to ask for advice.” Dash held up a hoof.

“Advice on what?”

Dash paused, uncertain how to start her sentence.

“I think I’m in love with Time Turner.”

Author's Note

And the usual thank you to Katherine Kerensky for proofreading.

Want It Sweet

Time Turner stumbled through the door, nearly crashing into the receptionist desk at the front. Raven looked up from the paper she was working on and frowned.

“You’re late.” Raven scrunched her nose, “And you smell like booze.”

“Just a little,” Time Turner replied, “Shower at Berry’s is out.”

“Couldn’t you have asked your marefriend to whip up a personal raincloud?” Raven asked as she turned her attention back to her paper work.

“What marefriend?” Turner asked without thinking. Realization sank in, prompting the stallion to flush with embarrassment, “She’s not my marefriend.”

“Really? You go drinking with her twice a week and you’re not dating? Color me surprised.” Raven rolled her eyes, “Anyway, Boss told me to let you know she wants to see you as soon as you got here.”

“Alright, then.”

Turner continued on his way into the building, finally stopping in front of a heavy pair of doors. The stallion quickly pressed the side of his head to the door, trying to listen. After several moments, the other door swung open and the mayor stuck her head out. The two awkwardly found themselves staring at the other. Mayor Ivory Scroll rolled her eyes.

“I told you to stop doing that.”

“Old habits die hard, Mayor.” Turner sheepishly smiled back.

“Into my office.”

The mayor’s head disappeared into her office as Turner pried his head off the door. The stallion followed her in and closed the door as Mayor Ivory sat at her desk.

“Have a seat.”

Time Turner quietly took a seat. Ivory Scroll sighed and took off her glasses.

“I know I’m late again, and that I probably smell like alcohol, but-”

“I don’t care about you drinking with Rainbow Dash,” the mayor paused, “Well, unless it gets to the point where Fog Gun starts to complain, but I don’t think she will. No, this is about the whole refurbishing.”

“…I thought that was going to wait until later.”

“No, We went through the books and found out we have enough to do it. We’re starting with City hall, and Berry’s house.”

“Why Berry’s House? The Library needs some repairs, the Cakes mentioned they need some repairs to the basement, and-”

“Because the whole Hearts and Hooves Day thing had Big Macintosh rip her plumbing out.” Ivory Scroll responded, “And she’s insured.”

“…Oh.”

“So I need you to crunch the numbers for how much it will take for City Hall and Berry’s. Then take the remains of the budget and see how much we can spread out.”

“…It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?” Time Turner sighed.

“Oh yes. I hope you’re sober enough to do it.”

“…I need a drink.” Time Turner rubbed his temples.

Rarity looked up from her sewing machine, quickly suppressing a smile. Rainbow Dash stood atop a small display stage, cocooned into a frilly, pink dress. The pegasus rolled her eyes.

“I thought this was suppose to be sporty.”

“That’s next. This one is for Flitter.”

“Flitter?” Dash scoffed, “What’s she need it for?”

“Apparently Thunderlane is into Pastel Sweet Lolita.”

Dash blinked as she processed the information. The mare made a disgusted face as she visualized the scene, “I really didn’t need to know that.”

“Ponies have their likes and dislikes, dear.” Rarity chuckled as she trotted over with a strip of cloth with a line of bows, a needle and thread, “I’m sure you have a secret that you may not want us to know.”

“…I’m not going to talk about it.” Dash sighed as Rarity set to work.

“Fair enough. So when did you realize you might have feelings for Time Turner?”

“…Last week, after we stumbled out of the bar. I was sober enough to fly.”

“You sure that wasn’t because of the alcohol’s residue?” Rarity snidely interrupted.

“Ha ha. I thought it was at first, but…”

“It didn’t go away, did it?” Rarity continued.

“No.” Rainbow Dash shook her head, “I… look, I consider Shy and Pinkie to be my best friends, but…”

“But there are some things you don’t trust them with.”

“Yeah. I mean, I know Pinkie isn’t as dumb as folks think she is, but her idea of romance is…”

“Skewed?” Rarity interjected as she finished her stitch, “There, that should do it.”

“Yeah, skewered.” Dash fidgeted slightly, “Can I take this off now?”

“Yes.”

Dash began to struggle against the dress. As she continued to struggle, Rarity’s magical aura surrounded the mare, restraining her.

“Darling, that is not how you do it.”

The aura quickly worked its way down the hooks on the back of the dress, unlatching them from their eyes. With another swirl of magic, the dress flew off Dash and pulled itself onto a nearby mannequin.

“You need to be careful.” Rarity chided.

“Why would you use hooks-and-eyes anyway?” Dash grumbled, “How’s Flit supposed to put it on?”

“Her order was to make it so that Thunderlane would help her,” Rarity rolled her eyes, “Apparently it’s part o-”

“AaaanywaylikeIwassaying.” Dash cut in.

“You were going on about how Pinkie’s idea of romance is skewered.”

“Right, her plan to get a coltfriend involves a net, five gallons of shaving cream, fireworks and a cat.”
Rarity blinked in confusion as she attempted to process the information. The fashionista opened her mouth to speak, but Dash shook her head.
“Don’t ask. She told me, and I still don’t get it.”

“And Fluttershy?” Rarity continued, “She’s your oldest friend, why wouldn’t you trust her advice?”

“Because she’s never been in a relationship either.” Dash responded.

“And you think I have?” Rarity responded, displeasure in her voice.

“Well… you read all those trashy romance novels by Conscious River.” Dash pointed out.

“How do you know about that?” Rarity defensively responded, “…Unless…”

Dash blushed, “I… um….”

The two sat there in awkward silence, as the two avoided eye contact.

“…So that’s what happened to the Library’s copy of The Teacher and the Enchantress.” Rarity mused.

“I... uh…” Dash looked down, “I like that one.”

“…Anyway… yes, it’s true that I have dated around,” Rarity mused to herself, “Not all of them worked out so well. I mean, I did date Thunderlane for a while, but…”

“Thunderlane?” Dash scoffed, “He’s so…”

“Scatterbrained?” Rarity interjected.

“Yeah.”

“He’s improving. That and Flitter is always reminding him about things.” Rarity motioned for the pegasus to follow her. The two left Rarity’s design room and moved into the kitchen.

“Sit. Do you take tea or coffee?” Rarity asked.

“Iced Tea.”

“Not that ridiculous sugary abomination they call tea?” Rarity frowned disapprovingly.

“Hey, I like it,” Dash defensively responded, “But if you don’t have any Iced Coffee is fine.”

Rarity rolled her eyes as a two mugs landed on the counter. The coffee pot floated over, pouring the concoction into one of the mugs as Rarity dropped ice cubes into the other.

“Do you take cream or sugar?” Rarity asked as she placed the ice tray back into the freezer.

“Lots of cream.”

“How much is ‘a lot’?” Rarity paused, “and don’t you dare say ‘twenty percent more’.”

“Like, two tablespoons.”

“That’s a lot of cream.” The fashionista responded as she poured cream and coffee into the other mug.

“I like it sweet.”

“Yes, the sugar rush and eventual crash does explain why you sleep all the time.” Rarity smiled as she levitated the cup over to Dash. The pegasus took the mug without a word and took a gulp. Dash slammed the emptied mug back on the table and held it out towards Rarity.

“More please.”

“…You didn’t swallow the ice cubes, did you?”

“Nope. Next time, more cream.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and poured more coffee and cream into Dash’s mug. The two sat at her table, silent.

“Anyway, as I was saying, Thunderlane isn’t as bad as he use to be,” Rarity continued on, “Then there was Braeburn.”

“…How did you manage that?”

“Apple Family Reunion.”

“…He was here for a week.”

Rarity shrugged, “It seemed so romantic; the rugged cowboy, the high class city girl…”

“…You were trying to reenact The Past of the Heat, weren’t you?”

“…A little.” Rarity admitted.

“That novel was horrible.”

“Well I liked it.” Rarity huffed.

“Whatever.” Dash took another sip of her coffee, “What blend is this?”

“Saddle Arabian,” Rarity took another sip, “I was given some as a gift from a commission.”

“It’s good.”

“Oh indeed, the problem is that it’s so expensive,” Rarity placed the cup down, “And after Braeburn, there was Night Light.”

Dash froze, mug halfway to her mouth, “Night Light? Isn’t that Twi’s dad?”

Rarity spat her coffee out onto Dash, “Good Heavens, no! It’s a different Night Light. He’s an Earth Pony. Works in theater, he’s the current Phantom for Music of the Night. He’s very good.”

“Oh,” Dash wiped the coffee off, “I thought you meant you dated Twi’s dad. I mean, that would be creepy. Sort of like if my dad started dating Twi or Mrs. Cake married Big Mac.”

Rarity opened her mouth to respond, only to shake her head instead, “Never mind.”

“So how come you’re with Soarin now? And how’d you meet him?”

“Oh, Night Light and I had a bit of a falling out,” Rarity waved the thought away, “He had to move to Manehatten. As for Soarin… it was a party in Canterlot. High end celebrations by one of my clients, she was pleased with the work I did so I went.”

“And the Wonderbolts where there? And you didn’-”

“I was a guest,” Rarity interrupted, “I was not going to invite another, that would be impolite.”

“…So you went to the party.” Dash continued on, “And?”

“He’s rather charming. We chatted, and well… one thing led to another.” Rarity chuckled.

“You mean…”

“No, not like that,” Rarity corrected herself, “Dinner, theater, that sort of thing. It was quite fun, and well…” Rarity smiled, “You saw the results.”

“Do the others know?”

“The other Wonderbolts?”

“Yeah.”

“… Soarin hasn’t mentioned it yet, so I’m not sure. Maybe some of them have an idea, maybe not.” Rarity shrugged, "Either way, we're waiting for a better time."

“…You’re going to have to tell the rest of them eventually.”

“I know… how did this conversation turn to me?” Rarity abruptly changed the topic, “This is what you’re supposed to do.”

“…Well…”

Time Turner laid his head on the desk. The impact created a slight gust, sending the papers slightly to the side.

“…Is it lunch time yet?”

Turner’s head rotated towards the clock, noticing the time. The stallion jumped to his hooves, banging his front legs against his desk.

“OW!”

The stallion hobbled out of the room and continued past Raven.

“Lunch break?” the mare asked, not looking up from her paper work.

“Lunch break.”

Time Turner pushed open the front door and stopped. A smile crept onto his face.

“Hello Ditzy.”

“Hello Turner!” the mail mare beamed, “Shall we go?”

“Sure.”

The two trotted down the street, towards the Ponyville Café. Ditzy’s nose wrinkled slightly.

“Do I still smell like booze?” Time Turner looked at the pegasus, “I didn’t get a chance to shower.”

“A little,” Ditzy giggled, “Spent another night out drinking with Dash?”

“Yeah. You know she thinks we’re dating.”

Ditzy stopped for a moment, taking the information in. A smile crept onto her face before the mare burst out laughing.

“That’s a good one.”

What's the story?

Ditzy and Time Turner sat at a table, looking over their menus in silence. After few moments, the waitress arrived, a big smile on her face.

“Hi there! Ready to order?”

“I’ll have the Quinoa burger and garlic hay fries….Wait, make it normal fries,” Time Turner smiled sheepishly, “I still have to work.”

“I’ll just have the mushroom salad.” Ditzy replied, folding up her menu.

“What dressing?”

“Red wine vinegar.”

“Alright then!” the waitress’ grin grew, “Anything to drink?”

“Water’s fine.”

“Same.”

“Great!”

The waitress trotted off. As the couple watched her leave, Ditzy took a sip of her water.

“She’s certainly enthusiastic.” Ditzy replied.

“Give her a few months,” Time Turner sighed, “Then it’s all downhill.”

“Oh don’t be like that,” Ditzy scolded him.

Silence fell on the table again, as the two took sips of their water.

“So how do you feel?” Ditzy asked.

“About what?”

“Rainbow Dash.”

Time Turner blinked, “What?”

“How do you feel about her?”

“Well…” Time Turner trailed off, “She’s nice. I think she needs someone to unwind with. I mean, she has a sort of hectic life and…”

“That’s not what I mean.” Ditzy interrupted.

“…What, you mean…” Time Turner trailed off, “Oh. Like that.”

“Yes, like that.”

“…Well… I mean… she’s… umm…” Time Turner continued to fumble over his words, stuttering out babbling nonsense. Ditzy chuckled in response.

---

“…So that’s sort of what I figured would be best.” Dash concluded.

“….You do know life doesn’t work like one of those ridiculous comic books, right?” Rarity cocked an eyebrow.

“…Well, yeah, but…”

“But nothing,” Rarity cut her off, “Look, do you really think that would work? You don’t even know if he likes you back. Something too big and flashy is off-putting.”

“…So what should I do?” Dash sighed.

“For now I think the best idea is to act normal… well, what passes off for normal.” Rarity waved the thought away.

“Oh, thanks,” Dash muttered.

“I will help you out, it’s the least I can do.” Rarity patted the pegasus on the back, “I honestly expected Twilight to be the first to get a coltfriend, but… that is how life is sometimes.”

“…Wait, you had a list?”

“More of a general idea of who was most likely to get into a relationship first…” Rarity corrected, “You were fourth, right before Applejack.”

“…You thought Fluttershy would get a coltfriend before me?”

“Some boys like the shy, quiet types.”

“And you had Pinkie before her.”

“What can I say?” Rarity smirked, “it’s Pinkie.”

---

“Time Turner stop stuttering and eat,” Ditzy sighed as she placed her fork down, “I’m sorry I asked, if you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t.”

“…IthinkRainbowDashisamazingbutIdonthinksheevenwouldconsidersomeonelikeme. ImeanIwouldntdatemei-”

Ditzy shoved her hoof into Time Turner’s mouth.

“Turner. Calm down. Eat. Speak normally. Alright?”

The stallion nodded. Ditzy removed her hoof and the stallion quickly shoved half his burger and fries into his mouth, gobbling it down. Ditzy blinked and the rest of the burger and fries vanished. Time Turned swallowed the entire mess with one mighty gulp, and slammed a few bits onto the table.

“Needtogetbacktowork,bye!”

Ditzy watched as he ran out of the restaurant, nearly knocking over the waiter in the process. The stallion gave the frantic Time Turner a confused look, before trotting over to Ditzy’s table.

“Miss? Everything alright?”

“For the most part…” Ditzy took another bite of her salad.

---

“So that’s the plan,” Rarity opened the back door for Dash, “Stick to it.”

“…You really want me to not go drinking with him? It’s sort of like your weekly get togethers with Chaser and Shy.”

“It’s for the best.” Rarity patted Dash on the head, “I have a plan.”

“…Whatever.”

Dash trotted out, mumbling to herself.

“This is going to end well,” Dash muttered, completely lost in thought. “I’m turning to Rarity for help, out of all t-”

Dash bumped into another pony.

“Sorry, sorry…”

“It’s alri…”

Time Turner trailed off as he realized who it was.

“…Hi.”

“Um… hi.” Dash responded.

The two awkwardly stood there, avoiding each other’s gaze. Suddenly the two made eye contact, freezing the other in place.

“Oh look at the time,” Dash broke the silence, “I… uh…”

“I need to go back to work,” Time Turner interrupted.

“Alright then.”

The two awkwardly trotted away from each other, completely silent. Rarity sighed as she closed her curtains and trotted away from the window.

“This might be harder than I thought it would be.” She mused, “But a promise is a promise.”

The jingle of the bell on the front door brought Rarity out of her thoughts.

“Coming!”

The mare trotted across her boutique to greet her guest.

“Now then, how may I help… oh, hello Ditzy.”

“Rarity, I need to talk to you about something,” Ditzy glanced around, “Privately.”

“Flip over the sign and follow me,” Rarity turned back to the kitchen, “Do you prefer coffee or tea?”

“Coffee is fine.” Ditzy’s wings fluttered: a small burst of wind flipped the sign over. The weather mare continued into the kitchen, where Rarity placed the coffee maker back on.

“Had to make another pot. Rainbow Dash was here earlier and…well, she drank all my coffee.” Rarity sighed, mourning the loss of her coffee blend, “It was Saddle Arabian too.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

“Indeed. But, clients like to give tokens of their appreciation,” Rarity shrugged, “I have a Neigh Orleans mix, so I put that on.”

“Neigh Orleans? Don’t they put chicory in that?” Ditzy asked as she sat at the table.

“Mix of chicory and coffee. It’s a bit of an acquired taste, but I didn’t realize how much coffee Rainbow Dash drinks.” Rarity rolled her eyes as Ditzy chuckled.

“I know. Fog Gun limited Dash to two cups of coffee in the break room.”

“She’s that bad?” Rarity asked as she placed a cup of coffee onto the table.

“She’s that bad.” Ditzy took a sip of the coffee, pausing to savor the blend, “This isn’t as bad as they say it is.”

“Chicory and Dandelion coffee substitutes have a bad reputation,” Rarity sighed, “I like the flavor though. Anyway, I know this isn’t about coffee, what is on your mind?”

Ditzy took another sip of the coffee before placing it back on the table.

“Time Turner like Dash.”

Rarity paused. After several moments her lips pulled into a tight, amused smirk.

“Well that makes my job easier.”

Ditzy frowned, “Beg your pardon?”

“Why do you think Dash was here earlier?”

“…Are you telling me that she likes him?” Ditzy asked, “Does he know?”

“Nope.”

Ditzy took another sip of coffee, muddled in her thoughts.
“So let me get this straight, Dash likes Turner and he likes her.”

“Yes.”

“And they spend at least two days a week together drinking, to the point where Berry lets them put it on a joint tab.”

“They share a tab?” Rarity frowned.

“Berry said it was easier to keep it as one,” Ditzy shrugged, “She only does that for Big Macintosh and Cloudchaser.”

“…Well anyway,” Rarity continued on, “we need to plan.”

“We?” Ditzy cocked an eyebrow.

“Yes, ‘we’.” Rarity beamed, “Rainbow Dash came to me for help, Time Turner went to you and then you came to me.” The fashionista dreamily sighed, “We must make this something romantic for the two of them.”

Ditzy silently took another sip of coffee as Rarity continued to gush, creating more and more elaborate scenarios.
“Rarity, don’t you think you’re being a bit over-dramatic?”

“Over dramatic?” Rarity repeated, offended, “there is no such thing when it comes to romance.”

“This is Rainbow Dash and Time Turner we’re talking about,” Ditzy emptied her mug, “They don’t do romantic, also can I have more?”

“Oh fine,” Rarity rolled her eyes as she took the mug and trotted towards the coffee pot, “What would you suggest then?”

“Keep it low. Let them realize that they like each other on their own. Nothing big, nothing fancy, nothing…”

“Pinkie-ish?” Rarity placed the mug back in front of Ditzy as she sat back on her chair.

“Exactly.” Ditzy paused as she took a sip, “Nothing like Pinkie.”

“…Well, you’re not making this fun Ditzy.”

“Do you really think they’re going to act like a couple out of a ridiculous romance novel?” Ditzy dramatically brought one hoof to her forehead, “Oh Time Turner!” the mare theatrically declared while trying to mimic Dash’s voice, “I cannot help it anymore, I must have you!”

Rarity stifled a smile as Ditzy abruptly stood up, knocking over her chair. The pegasus bent over, her forehooves wrapped around an imaginary pony.
“Dash…” she mimicked Time Turner’s voice as she spoke, “I do too.”

“Um…” a third voice called out, snapping the two ponies back to reality. Flitter stood in the middle of the display area, watching the two ponies with an uncertain look on her face, “Is this a bad time?”

“Oh, no, no…” Rarity stood up, “Your dress is almost ready, and I need you to finish the final measurements.”

“It’s washable, right?”

“Hoofwashing only.”

---

Dash slammed the front door shut. The mare trotted through her house and entered the kitchen. The slight whir of a propeller filled the air as Tank entered the kitchen, an unhappy frown on his face.

“Hey Tank. Sorry, I drank too much and couldn’t fly home again.” The tortoise rolled his eyes. “Oh don’t give me that,” Dash grumbled as she pulled out a head of lettuce, “I got a nice fresh head of lettuce for you.”

The mare ripped off several leaves from the head and tossed them into a bowl. Tank landed near the bowl and slowly made his way closer. Dash watched as he took a bite of lettuce, slowly chewing.

“Tank, what am I going to do?”

The tortoise slowly turned to look at Dash, still chewing.

“I told Rarity how I feel about Turner and I can’t help but think I’ve made a mistake.”

Tank bit off another chunk of lettuce, as Dash continued on, “I mean she was the best choice out of them all, right? Twi’s going to get all egg-headed on me, Shy’s not exactly the best pony to go to for advice, Pinkie… is Pinkie and what’s Applejack going to tell me? It’s not like they know any more than I do, right?” Dash turned to look at Tank as he continued to chew lettuce.
“And I can’t turn to Ditzy, she likes him, ri-”

Dash’s monologue was interrupted by a knock on the door. The pegasus trotted back towards her door and opened it.

“Hi Dash!” Ditzy greeted her, “Got a moment?”

Someday

“Um…” Dash trailed off, uncertain what to say.

“If you’re too busy, I can come back later,” Ditzy beamed.

“No!” Dash blurted out, just slightly too quickly and too loudly. “I mean… yeah, come in.”

Dash turned around and trotted back into the kitchen with Ditzy following her. Tank slowly looked at the two as Ditzy sat at the kitchen table. Dash yanked open a cabinet and reached in.

“You want something to drink? I haven’t gotten a chance to restock my stuff, but I got instant coffee.”

“No, no…” Ditzy waved a hoof as Dash pulled out two glasses, “I had coffee at Rarity’s.”

Crash

Dash froze up, dropping both glasses onto the countertop. Tank looked over, still chewing his lettuce.

“You alright?” Ditzy asked.

“Fine, just… just something bit me,” Dash replied as she cleaned up the shattered glass. The mare tossed the mess into a trash can and pulled out another pair of glasses.
“Is water fine?”

“No, I’m good.”

Dash trotted back into the kitchen with her glass of water. The mare took her seat and took a sip of her water.

“So what’s up?”

“I just was going to ask about last night,” Ditzy calmly responded, “Time Turner still looked pretty haggard.”

“…I’d rather not talk about it,” Dash responded, averting from Ditzy’s gaze.

“Oh come on, he rarely gets that drunk,” Ditzy pressed on, “It had to be something big.”

“…Well, it’s like this…” Dash sighed, “I found out who Rarity’s dating and kinda, sorta made fool out of myself.”

“…This wasn’t like the whole thing wi-”

“No, nothing like that.” Dash paused, “She told me it was somepony I knew and… well… it was.”

“Who was it?”

“…Soarin.”

Ditzy blinked, “Seriously? She’s dating a Wonderbolt?”

“She said it had something to do with a client in Canterlot, a party, one thing leads to another…” Dash shrugged, “They look happy together.”

“…Is that why you missed work today?” Ditzy’s voice softened, “Because…”

“I wasn’t jealous. I sort of kind of knocked over a bunch of tables in excitement and dropped a plate of pasta on Rarity’s head.” Dash paused, “That tends to be a bit of a problem.”

“What kind?”

“Why are you asking that?” Dash stared at the mare, a slight scowl on her face, “Out of all the things you’re asking it’s ‘What pasta did you knock onto Rarity?’ not like, ‘Oh, and after you knocked the ravioli castrato onto Rarity’s head you went to the bar?’?”

“That was the next question,” Ditzy deadpanned, “Time Turner was waiting for you at the bar?”

“Well… yYeah,” Dash shrugged before continuing on, “We usually go drinking on that day.”

“Every single one?”

“Well… yeah,” Dash admitted, glass in hoof, “Unless one of us has to do something el… wWhere are you going with this?” Dash’s tone shifted from conversational to demanding as she slammed the glass back onto the table.

“…I want to know what your plans with Time Turner are.” Ditzy firmly replied.

“We’re friends.”

“…I don’t think so.” Ditzy shook her head, “Even I don’t spend that much time with him.”

“You have lunch and dinner with him, several times a week.” Dash countered.

“Which doesn’t involve us getting drunk and having to sleep in Berry’s spare rooms.”

“I need a refill.” Dash stood up and trotted over to the sink.

“…You like him don’t you?” Ditzy stated. Dash’s eyes widened as she dropped the cup. “No, don’t say anything, you do.”

“What are you talking about?” Dash responded, her voice laced with panic.

“You like Time Turner.”

“N... nNo I don’t.”

“I listen to the way he talks about you,” Ditzy continued, her voice low and accusing.

“...” Dash returned to the table and sat, avoiding the other mare’s gaze.
“Ditzy, we’re friends, right?”

“We are.”

“…I don’t know how to say this without making you mad, but…” Dash sighed, “I really like Turner.”

“Well duh,” Ditzy rolled her eyes, “You don’t go drinking with people you don’t l-”

“No I mean I like him. Like Big Mac and Cloudchaser like.”

“…You know, most ponies would just use the word ‘love’.” Ditzy snarked.

“…Well… .I mean… um…”

“I’m not dating him.” Ditzy replied.

“…Say what?”

“I’m not in love with Time Turner,” Ditzy stated, “We’re friends.”

“But…”

“We tried,” Ditzy chuckled, “He’s romantic at heart, but I’m…” Ditzy’s eyes briefly aligned as she looked down, “…A realist. It clashed too much.”
The mare looked back up at Dash, a smile returning to her face, “You want him? Then go get him.”

“…What am I even going to say?” Dash admitted, “We’re like… it’s… iIt’s like if Pinkie and the egghead got together, you know?”

“Just try.” Ditzy responded, “You’d be surprised.”

“…Is that why you came over? To let me know you’re okay with this?”

“Basically.”

“How did you even find ou…” Dash trailed off as realization hit her, “Rarity told you, didn’t she?”

“Indeed.”

“But why would she tell you that?”

“Ah… now that is a story…” Ditzy chuckled, “…You notice how Time Turner gets mopey sometimes?”

“Usually after a few shots of Tequila, yeah.” Dash admitted.

“…Well, one day he was complaining about not having a special somepony.”

“Is this after the whole thing with Cloudchaser and Mac and that love poison thing?” Dash asked, “Because I really want to know why the egghead thought it was a good idea to lend them that book.”

“No, this is after that. When they started dating for real,” Ditzy continued on, “He was a bit mopey about how everyone has their special someponies.”

“…So you went to Rarity’s to tell her you wanted me to be his special somepony? And then she told you?”

“Well… yeah,” Ditzy shrugged.

“…I shouldn’t have told her,” Dash muttered, “This is going to end up is some ridiculous Conscious River scenario.”

“Oh, I love her books,” Ditzy interrupted, “She… how do you know that she writes romance novels?”

“I… uUh…” Dash looked away, “I read them too.”

“…You should join the book club.”

“There’s a book club?”

“Cheerilee runs it. So far it’s just me, Rarity, and Cloudchaser… I probably should not have said that.”

“…Seriously?” Dash stared in disbelief, “Chaser? A book club for a romance writer sounds like something out of a really bad porno.”

Ditzy opened her mouth to respond, but instead closed it again and shook her head, “Nevermind.”

“Anyway…” Dash paused, “Thanks.”

“I want my friends to be happy,” Ditzy responded, “I should get going, I need to pick some things up before I go home today.”

Ditzy stood up and trotted towards the door

“…You do know what you’re getting yourself into, right?” Dash called out after her.

“…I think so, why?”

“Because you’re going to end up working with Rarity,” Dash reminded her, “You know, Miss-thinks-like-a-romance-novel?”

Ditzy pushed open the door, pausing in the doorway. “..….I know. But a bit of healthy realism and pragmatism is going to be more than enough of a counter for her.”

Ditzy stepped through the doorway, closing the door behind her. Dash sighed and smiled.

“Glad to have a friend like her.”

Outside, Ditzy sat down, rubbing her head with her hooves.

“…This is going to suck.”

Something Stupid

“Are you serious?” Dash stared at Rarity with a look of disgust on her face, “I’m not wearing that, ever.”

“But…It’s magnificent!” Rarity turned her attention to the dress, still on a mannequin; a rich, chocolate brown dress adorned with white frills and a small copy of Dash’s cutie mark on the left breast. Rarity’s aura lifted the entire mannequin, bringing it over towards Dash.
“Look, see?” Rarity lifted one of the sleeve, placing the chocolate hue against Dash’s own fur and accidently over the mare’s eyes, “The colors complement each other perfectly!”

“I think Dash’s point is that it’s impractical and it’s highly unlikely that she would wear it.” Ditzy stated. The mail mare took a sip of coffee, “Besides, the point is to get him to like her for who she is, not who you decide to dress her up as.”

“…I suppose…” Rarity set down the mannequin and sighed, “And I had worked on it all night too.”

“Look, if everything works out, you can design the wedding dress, alright?” Ditzy promised.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Dash grumbled.

“Of course you do, now then…” Rarity smiled, “let’s discuss your first date.”

“Oh here we go.” Dash rolled her eyes.

“Now, I believe that it should be something elegant…”

“I got banned from Le Cheval Amical.” Dash cut off Rarity’s monologue, “Turns out if you knock a bunch of folk’s food onto them, they get angry.” Dash punctuated her statement with a shrug, “Who knew?”

“…somewhere still passable and suitably romantic.” Rarity replied, while glaring at Dash.

“…I’m going to repeat myself here,” Ditzy sighed, “Someplace reasonable for the two to go to. Turner doesn’t like fancy places and neither does Dash.”
The three grew silent as they pondered.

“…There’s the café.” Dash suggested

“It’s hardly the best place for a first date.” Rarity scoffed.

“Mac takes Chaser there all the time,” Dash countered.

“But is that where they went for the first time?” the fashionista scoffed

“Well…yeah.” Dash responded, oblivious to Rarity’s tone.

“…..I am not letting you have your first, romantic date in a dingy little café,” Rarity huffed, “As much as I enjoy Big Macintosh’s company, I have different standards than he does.”

“That’s not particularly fair,” Ditzy countered, “I’m sure he’d love to take Cloudchaser to a nicer restaurant, but because Applejack, and you two, keep running off on all sorts of adventures all over Equestria, he has to stay behind and work.”
A devilish grin crept onto Ditzy’s face as both eyes focused on Rarity, “After all, isn’t it kind of selfish of you all?”

“That’s…That’s different,” Rarity paused, “The whole Crystal Empire thing was because Twilight asked us to go.”

“I was talking about the Bake-off.” Ditzy shrugged, “Did they really need all six of you?”

“Not really,” Dash shrugged, “But you know, Pinkie invited me, Applejack contributed to it, Twilight wanted to go see the Princess… and one thing lead to another and the next thing I know we’re on a train.”

“…So why did Rarity go?”

“Moving. On.” Rarity grunted, “Fine, if we cannot find a suitable alternate location, you can go ahead and have it…there.”

“I like Ponyville café.” Dash muttered to herself.

“Rarity, this feels more and more like you trying to set up a scenario that plays to your fantasies,” Ditzy paused, “And I don’t think its working.”

“…Oh, please. She came to me after all.”

“Only because there isn’t anypony else to turn to,” Dash grunted under her breath. Rarity’s ears perked up.

“What was that?” a forced, sinister smile crept onto Rarity’s face.

“Nothing.” Dash quickly snapped.

“…Moving on…” Ditzy coughed, “How do you plan on telling him?”

“…I was kinda gonna, you know, just go up to him and be like ‘Hey Turner, you wanna get lunch?’” Dash shrugged, “You know, like normal ponies do.”
Dash paused, “That’s what normal ponies do, right?”

“More-or-less.” Ditzy shrugged.

“No.” Rarity countered, “This requires something-”

“That isn’t going to scare him off.” Ditzy turned back towards Rarity, “Don’t you think he’ll realize something is off if she starts acting in a dramatic, hammy fashion?”

“In other words, if I start acting like her?” Rainbow Dash muttered to herself.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Dash rolled her eyes and looked up, “Look, I don’t really want to do this so that he gets scared off, you know what I mean? I mean, this is about me, right?”

“…Well, yes it is,” Rarity paused, “But I think I can help it be better.”

“This is what I was worried about,” Ditzy sighed and turned her attention to Rarity, “Look, this isn’t about what you want, you know that right?”

“I am merely doing what I think is best.”

“Right. What you want,” Ditzy countered.

The two continued to argue, as Rainbow Dash watched. After a few moments she rolled her eyes and got out of her chair. She quietly crept to the door, eventually exiting without the other two realizing what was happening. Once outside, Dash sighed.

“Yesh, if I had known that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Dash trotted away from the shop, mumbling to herself.

“So I think I can do this, I mean, I am pretty awesome and all, but…” Dash shook her head, “No, no buts, I can do th-”

“You alright, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash jumped at the question and spun around. Big Macintosh took a step back while Cloudchaser’s eyebrow rose.

“Oh. Hey big guy, CC. I’m…not really.” She sighed, “Look, I got into a bit of a mess.”

“What did you break now?” Cloudchaser rolled her eyes.

“No, no, I didn’t break anything it’s just…” Dash sighed, “Look, there’s a guy I like…”

“Told you.” Cloudchaser interrupted, nudging her coltfriend in the ribs, “Pay up.”

“Not now,” Mac scolded his marefriend before turning his attention back to Rainbow Dash, “Go on.”

“…And I’m not sure how to tell him.” Dash continued on, “So I asked Rarity and Ditzy for advice and… It’s not really working. Rarity keeps coming up with these ridiculous Conscious River scenarios and-”

“...How do you know about her?” Cloudchaser interrupted again.

“I, uh…I read them too,” Dash paused, “we can talk about that latter. Like I was saying, Rarity’s doing this ridiculous thing and Ditzy’s more ‘Hey, we should be more well grounded and…’ You know?”

“…Just tell him.” Big Mac cut off Cloudchaser’s response. Cloudchaser gave him a confused look.

“What, just like that?” Dash asked.

“Eeyup. He say yes, you’re good. He say no…well, that where things get a bit harder,” Big Macintosh shrugged, “But you gotta do it the way you would.”

“…Thanks big guy.”

Dash continued on, leaving the couple behind.

“Since when are you Mr. Romantic advice?” Cloudchaser asked.

“Experience.” He shrugged, “You’re not the first mare I’ve been with.”

“What, Cheerilee?”

“Nope.”

“Who then?”

“I ain’t sayin’. Man’s gotta have some secrets.” Mac chuckled.

---

Time Turner stared at the papers in front of him. He groaned and slammed his head into the desk.
“The numbers are off.” He grunted, “It’s like we’re actually missing money, but I can’t figure out where it went.”

He sighed and pulled his head back up.

“Hey Turner!”

The startled stallion spun around: Dash crawled through the window, landing on the ground in a crumpled heap. She quickly leapt back onto her hooves before smiling at him.

“You wanna get lunch?”

Like I Love You.

Time Turner blinked.

“Why did you crawl through the window?”

“What?” Dash closed the window behind her before turning her attention back to him.

“I said, why did you crawl through the window?” he motioned towards the door, “We have a front door, you know.”

“Yeah, but if you were busy, they’d just turn me away.” Dash paused, “And I think the mayor is still mad about the whole thing with Ditzy and the town hall.”

“Well, you did end up costing us more money to fix it.”

“Yeah…Well, who’s bright idea was it to have Ditzy help out?” Dash cringed slightly, “I mean…It’s not that I have anything against her but…”

“We know she’s clumsy. We were just really short hooved that day.”

“So anyway, like I was saying, wanna get lunch?”

“…I got about half an hour until my break.” Turner sighed, “Besides I need to figure out where this money went.”

Dash groaned and flittered over to the couch. The mare flopped onto it, resting the back of her head on one of the arms.

“Why does this smell weird?”

“It’s stuffed with tea tree clippings. The smell is suppose to be a relaxant.”

Dash flipped over, sniffing the arm before flipping back onto her back, “It smells like my Grandma’s house. How much money is missing?”

“About sixty-three bits.” Turner scratched his head in thought, pencil clamped in his jaws.

“…What about Fluttershy’s loan?”

“She took out a loan?”

“Yeah, one of the chicken coops exploded.” Dash paused, “Scoots and her friends did it, don’t ask me how.”

“…Did she report it to us?”

“I think that week you were out of town.” Dash sat up, “Coulda sworn we left a note.”

“…How much did she take out?”

“Sixty-three.”

“…Well that makes everything easier.” He muttered as he added the amount it, “Looks like it worked out.”

“So we can go?”

“….I guess, let me give this to Raven.” Time Turner clipped the papers together and got up from his desk.

“So is this what you do all day?” Dash got off the sofa and followed him.

“Pretty much.” He pushed the door open and sighed, “Balance the budget, deal with whatever chaos Twilight and your friends do…”

“We don’t do that much.”

“Dash, we have a budget called the ‘Twilight does something stupid’ budget.” Turner rolled his eyes, “We made it after the whole parasprite thing.”

“That’s just one time.”

“And the whole thing with the doll and the whole thing where your friends dressed up as…what was she called again? The Mysterious Mare-do-well?” He paused and looked at her, “What was up with that?”

“They thought my ego was getting a bit too big…”

“…So dressing as some ridiculous real life Superhero was suppose to help how?” he shook his head again, “whatever happened to ‘Hey Dash, I think you’re getting a bit too swollen about this whole saving the day thing’?”

Dash opened her mouth to respond, and paused lost in thought, “…That’s a good question, actually.” Dash admitted.

Time Turner rolled his eyes as he passed Raven. The mare looked up from her paper work and frowned.
“Boss said no breaks until you finish it.”

“I did.” Turner countered, “Going to lunch.”

“…Rainbow Dash, I don’t you going out to lunch with your coltfriend, but please don’t break into town hall.”

“I didn’t break in.” she muttered.

“Regardless, if you want to talk with Time Turner, you’ll have to do it like everypony else.” Raven paused, “I can give you a bit of extra time if you need it, Turner. The boss called it a half day due to some family emergency.”

“…Thanks?” Time Turner’s eyebrow rose.

“Trust me, you’re gonna need it.” Raven turned her attention back to her paper as the pair left, “After all, I’m going to win the bet with Drops and the boss.”

---

“So where to?” Turner asked.

“We can’t go to Le Cheval Amical. They banned me.”

“…What did you do?”

“I, you know, kinda sorta accidently knocked some food onto ponies.” Dash paused, “You know, accidentally.”

“…Why?”

“Well…I’m not sure if I should say.”

“…No one got sent to the hospital right?”

“As far as I know.” Dash shrugged, “I promised Rarity I wouldn’t talk too much about it.”

“…Well that doesn’t sound suspicious or anything,” Turner shook his head.

“There’s the café.”

“…Yeah, that’s fine.”

The two entered the café. The waitress turned around and smiled at the two.

“Hi there! Just you two?”

“Yeah.” Time Turner nodded.

“Walk this way.” the waitress beamed as she headed towards a table. The two followed her, taking their seats.

“While you all figure out what you’ll get, can I get you something to drink?”

“Water’s fine.”

“Coffee. Lots of sugar and cream. And keep it coming.”

The waitress trotted off, leaving the two to look at their menus.

“Do you always drink that much coffee?”

“Yeah. Berry refuses to make Carajillo, so I need to get it everywhere else.” Dash dropped her menu back onto the table, “I think I’m just gonna wait for the specials.”

“Carajillo?”
“Coffee mixed with Rum. Sometimes they light the rum on fire and dose it with the coffee so it gets caramelized.”

“…Mixing Caffeine with alcohol sounds like a remarkably bad idea,” Turner paused and flipped a page, “Especially given how much coffee and alcohol you drink.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Alcohol has a depressing effect on your central nervous system. Caffeine has a stimulating effect on it. Consuming both at the same time isn’t good.”

“…Maybe I won’t have any Carajillo.”

The waitress returned, placing a glass of water and a cup of coffee on the table, along with a small plate covered in packets of sugar and lite creame.

“Ready to order?” she beamed.

“What’s your special today?”

“Well, the soup of the day is Jijigae, and-”

“What’s that?” Dash interrupted.

“It’s a spicy soup from Jejureyo. It’s Tofu, mixed vegetables, Jejurean chili powered with-”

“I don’t like spicy.” Dash interrupted again, “What else is there?”

“Well, we also have a Limu and Hō’i’o Salad. It’s seaweed and fernshoots with tomato, onion, and cucumbers with a soy sauce-vinegar dressing.”

“Yeah, I’ll go with that.” Dash paused, “And a side of hay fries.”

“And you, sir?”

“Just the seven bean salad.”

“Alright!”

The waitress trotted off, leaving the two to talk. Dash snatched up her coffee and began to drink.

“…Something’s on your mind.” Turner began. Dash choked on her coffee, spitting it onto the table. “…Yeah, something definitely is.”

Dash coughed and sputtered, while another waitress rushed over with a towel to clean up the mess.

“Sorry, sorry, thanks.” Dash flashed an awkward smile as the waitress cleaned up the mess. After she left, Dash turned her attention back to Time Turner, “What are you talking about?”

“…You’re bad at hiding things,” Time Turner paused, “You invited me to lunch. You only do that when you have something big on your mind, not to mention you missed last night.”
He paused again, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my liver and head appreciate a break, but it’s still something that comes across as odd.”

“…Well…”

“You can tell me, we’re friends.”

---

“…and further more, how am I expected to work when I have you breathing down my neck?” Rarity jabbed a hoof into Ditzy’s chest.

“Well, then if I’m too much of a problem, let’s ask Rainbow Dash what she thinks.”

The two turned to look at third mare, only to find her spot long abandoned.

“…Where’d she go?”

---

“…Look, Turner…” Dash paused, “…how do I say it.”

“…Oh god, don’t tell me I did something stupid when I was drunk.” He massaged his temples, “My parents are going to kill me.”

“No, you dumbass, it’s…” Dash paused again. “Look. I like you.”

“And I like you too, that’s why we go drinking.”

“No, I like you, like you.” Dash paused, “Like the way Cloudchaser and Mac like each other.”

“…You know, most ponies would just say love.” Turner chuckled.

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, “I love you.”

“…Heh,” Turner chuckled, “Well that makes this a lot easier.”

“What?”

Time Turner opened his mouth to speak, only for the waitress to return and set down their orders.

“Enjoy!”

Dash waited for the waitress to leave before resuming her question, “What do you mean by that?”

“Dash, you ever read one of those really stupid, cheesy romance novels where the guy and girl aren’t very similar at all, but still fall in love?”

“…Yeah, that’s like every Conscious River novel ever.” Dash shrugged.

“…Well that’s the sort of story this is.” Time Turner chuckled, “Dear Celestia, we must look ridiculous.”

“Well…It’s like Rarity and Soarin.” Dash’s eyes widened in realization and she slapped a hoof over her mouth.

“Rarity and who?” Time Turner stared at her, “That sounds like an amazing story…”

“Aaanyway, so…does this mean we’re…dating?” Dash paused.

“I suppose so.” Turner sighed, “It all seems a bit anticlimactic, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but that’s sort of how life is, isn’t it?” Dash countered.

“True.”

“So does this count as a date or what?”

“Well I’m not paying for both of us,” Turner scoffed, “You invited me, you pay.”

“Yeah, but shouldn’t you be a gentlecolt about it?” Dash countered.

“…Touché.” He conceded, “But no matter how we look at it, there’s plenty more chances, so let’s just agree that this one doesn’t count.”

“Fine.” Dash rolled her eyes and picked up her fork, “Anyway, enough chit-chat, let’s eat.”

The two began to eat their lunches. Outside of the restaurant, Rarity smiled at the two through the window.

“We did a good job.”

“We?” Ditzy countered, “We didn’t even do anything, that was all Rainbow Dash.”

“Oh hush.” Rarity silenced Ditzy, “We had a role to play in this.”

“The role of bickering morons,” Ditzy muttered under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”