A Tail of Woods The Careless Creature

by ForestOfSpring

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 15837

Woods has everything going for him, until he gets sent into equestia by a crazy old man.

I've never been one for intro's so I'll just tell you straight off...

I'm a human, or WAS until that sack of crap discord sent me to this forest, fending for myself until Zecora took me to see her friends. It's all fine and dandy until they all start freaking out because I'm sooooo different. You'd think that such a pastel covered train wreck that once was a girl's painting canvas would be a little more accepting Nd tolerant but it's really not! I was lucky they didn't immediately run me out of town.

Long story short, I left and I'm gonna explore this place, apparently there's a number of rebellions going on so I'll have to be careful but I just wanna get back home to my family, and I'll do whatever it takes...

Published 2012-04-09 14:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-28 10:00:21 UTC

First Impressions

"GET US OUTTA HERE! "

I whipped my head round to the sound of cries and toppling trees. 'Those quadrupeds always bring trouble with them, why can't they just leave this place alone?' I huffed, got to my feet and leapt from my branch into the commotion.

-Dash's POV-

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh this isn't happening!

We ran through the wall of shrubbery that strung the trees together. Me and scoots were wandering over to Zecora's to get a remedy for Wing-lock that we were suffering from.

Too much practice, if that term even meant anything.

The canopy suddenly became silent, not a peep from above, just the sound of clicking in the distance drawing closer. Then it pounced, a HUGE centipede with ridiculously long legs and a mean set of fangs lumbered over a tree and shot straight for us. Scoots wasn't injured but I wasn't so lucky. It clipped my left wing, stretching the gash all the way to my tail.

That. Freakin. Hurt.

That was it, we took off back the way we came, towards the edge of the Everfree. Don't ask me why we did but when you're running from a huge freakin monster in a creepy forest, you just wanna go home to where everything makes sense. Geez, at least the manticore we saw was cute and cuddly when it wasn't cranky. This thing just wanted us strung and served raw.

We were at full gallop now, the canopy was thinning out meaning we were nearing the edge of the forest, but that didn't for a second slow us down, fair enough we knew Ponyville, a small advantage. On the other hand, as soon as we get out of the forest, that thing is gonna have us and... hundreds of... other ponies... in its sights.

...Pony feathers...

I guess this is it, I can take a dive and while it's got me Scoots can run back to Ponyville, tell all her friends about me and my sacrifice. I feel pretty good, the Wonderbolts will have to wait for another mare as awesome as m-

CRASH!

It sped out the bushes straight for the Chinotaur's head, no wings, just leapt out of nowhere and latched it's claws onto it's ebony smooth exoskeleton. It twisted, swinging it's read legs over its body in a somersault motion, claws still clamped firmly on the gap in the beast's armour. I couldn't believe it. This creature wasn't small, probably nearly twice as tall as me when on all fours, but to the Chinotaur, it looked like an apple hanging on a tree, a star swimming in the black night ocean beside the whale that is Luna's moon. Despite this, it continued it's rolling motion in the air, flexed it's front legs, and brought the entire over-sized insect with it, curling the behemoth of a monster over it's head before releasing it's claws, sending the beast sailing towards a huge oak over a hundred feet away.

We stopped. The creature landed on it's hind legs with a stiff slide, securing it's landing before leaping over in our direction, stopping right before us, facing towards the Chinotaur's crumpled mess. Up close I could see it's features more clearly. It was garbed in a brown shirt, a hood hanging behind with a matching pair of pants that hugged the centre of it's torso, flaring out at the bottom in torn ribbons and stopping half-way down it's calfs. It had a long wavy mane that looked dirty, clumps of it were caked in scary amounts of blood causing strands to become clumped together and weighed down. It's muzzle... Well it didn't have one, it's mouth looked as if it was painted directly onto it's face. It was creepy but it wasn't ugly for some reason, it's lips we're soft-looking, the top lip was slightly more pronounced than the the bottom and was bow-shaped. It's eyes we're sharp and bright, holding a focus that was rarely seen on the eyes of the royal guards, yet they were also soft, they seemed to regard everything carefully, the same way one regards freshly-laid snow. They looked upon the world with beauty, cherishing everything, taking in all it had to offer and leaving none to spare. Geez, if only this guy could fly, doubt it, he didn't have wings yet he did have a tail. It hung from his lower back, spouting from a small rip in the back of his pants and curled up and back over like a monkey.

This creature, whatever it was, stood there, it's hind legs bent in an open stance like it was prepared to fight. Mental facehoof alert... The way the light shone through the canopy, bouncing off it's cheekbones, it's muscles.

It looked like a god.

So... AWESOME!!!

"GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" it turned to us and shouted, waving its arms in the direction of Ponyville, a troubled look on his features (or what I thought he looked) played urgency but his eyes were calm, soft, even... Happy? It couldn't be. That monster was at least fifty times it's size and it was CALM?! Oh by the way, it was getting up again.

"Come on Scoots!" we didn't waste any time, turning tail and running home. I hope that creature gets out okay,
it can't be dangerous if it helped us get away. Oh great now I'm worrying about it when I should be getting Scoots back.

****

We arrived back in Ponyville, greeted by our crystal clear skies and pastel colours, untouched by the horrors we just left. Celestia knows what would have happened if that thing... no... thing sounds too rough for a creature like that... maybe... if that stranger hadn't shown up.

Scoots took off soon after we reached the clearing, probably headed to the clubhouse to tell the CMC what just happened. I think I'd better head over to Twilight's, she'll know how to contact Zecora without us having to go back in there for a while. Why is it I keep worrying about him? It must be a he, it sure sounded like a he... Would be cool if it was a she though, even if they had a deep voice... I'm daydreaming aren't I?

ANYWAY it's off to Twilight's. Just pray to Celestia that the stranger is OK...

-??? POV-

"Right, NOW I totally need a bath."

Taking down that over-grown stack of legs was a piece of cake to be honest. It relied on it's size to overpower really small prey and make a quick snack before resuming it's never-ending hunt. That's what makes it dangerous...

It's always hungry.

Ah well, it's not like I can eat it, it's meat is quite poisonous plus it's rather runny, a bit like a runny bogey, bleugh! It's exoskeleton could come in handy but I can't use it for armour, it's way too heavy to be practical and it's durability is questionable, I mean I managed to punch through it so if a hydra decided to drop in...

...yeah...

I just made it into a temporary shelter, snapping individual segments off and placing them in an almost complete circle, finishing by draping a water-proof quilt over the top. It worked rather well, the segments of the exoskeleton were about 5 ft long so I had a lot of room for my head and I could move about freely enough. Now for the camo. Just dropping some leaves over the top of the quilt and moving two fallen trees in the way of the skeleton walls. The rest was hidden in a rock formation so the camp was almost completely concealed, just a few willow branches shrouded the entrance to my little temporary home.

Boy I miss my video games.

I used to love playing Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask especially, so every time I got the chance I'd try something new like trying to complete the four areas in the three days or try and go through the game with only three heart containers and a bog-standard sword. Always a new challenge.

I started thinking about the two ponies I encountered with the Chinotaur. There was the small orange one, probably female judging by the voice and the adolescent curved features. In human years maybe 12/13? She was terrified but the other... She was larger, cyan coat and a rainbow streaked mane, almost like the rainbow on a clear sky. That one looked older, refined, athletic build, slender and larger wings to boot. There's no wonder the Chinotaur went after them if that blue disco pony is trotting round the forest, she'll be spotted a mile off!

URGH! You'd think they'd learn, I mean they live right next to this bloody forest, why not learn to survive in it? That voodoo zebra Zecora is doing just fine! And she goes for evening strolls!

Even I don't have that kind of balls! That bitch is insane. Don't get me wrong I mean, she is really nice, speaking in rhymes and she does give me herbs and remedies to the poisons and diseases from this place (trust me, get bit by a timber wolf and you might as well have injected yourself with a whole lot of AIDS). I usually work for her, collecting wild plants or flowers as ingredients for her mixtures. From what I hear she doesn't need most of it, it's mainly for experimenting or practicing ratios or something. The rest is either ordered from the local stores in Ponyville (the spa apparently has huge orders for the poison joke bath) or it's stored for future use. Those ones are packed with preservatives and handed to Twilight or the bakers (YEAH! Even they put funny stuff in their sweets the sneaky bastards).

After wrapping up in my manticore-skin blanket, I nodded slowly off to a restful sleep, despite the growls from an empty stomach.

... Meh, I'll look for something tomorrow.

*****

The sun rose over the canopy of the forest, like an orchestra signalling the rise of birdsong, always a nice thing to wake up to. Well if it weren't for them then I'd keep my lazy arse in bed, back home I would god forbid. I'm guessing by now that you've figured out that I'm from earth. You'd be right, I'm from England to be exact, a small town on the east coast called Hartlepool. It's... satisfactory. Well it ain't Miami if that's what you're thinking. It has a balanced ratio of rainy and sunny days, usually having one week sunny and the other miserable. Other than that the temperature doesn't change all that much, the sea air means that during the winter it doesn't get too cold and in the summer a breeze is always swirling round town. One word that can describe it perfectly...

Dull.

I'm from an average family, the eldest of five boys with both parents. Dad usually goes off to work around the country as a project manager on various building sites. Mainly schools to be honest. The last big project he had was in Bermuda rebuilding one of the hotels that a hurricane had recently tore down. That was a good year, we all shipped over to the island and got tons of free service, went swimming with dolphins, scuba diving, shark fishing, surfing, lizard hunting and checking out the weekly festivals.

Best damn holiday ever.

Well that was before... Urgh... a freaky old man with uneven teeth came to me one night on the way home and asked me if I would take the chance to go on a trip, completely free, no degrees or qualifications required. Well obviously I politely told him I had other plans but he was persistent so I dismissed him saying that I would take it but I had responsibilities back at home. He smiles, shakes my hand and the next thing you know a freakin plane drops out of nowhere on me and here I am.

With a tail...

Not that I'm complaining about the tail. It took some getting used to but overall it's quite useful, it acts like a sort of third arm, grabbing or holding things while I use my front hands to mess with other stuff (not that stuff you dirty men) and I can hang from branches with it. It also helps me when I need to sleep in the trees, wrapping round the trunk instinctively so I don't randomly roll off into a thirty foot drop. It's rather fun and awesome, looking cute but badass at the same time. When I get home I hope I can keep it.

Well after clearing up my stuff, I set off to Zecora's place to pick up some more supplies. The Chinotaur meat had gotten all over me and I needed a disinfectant from the scratches, although I'm sure my immune system is working at full rate now.

Then a bath, defo need a wash. I could never stand going more than two days without a shower. Now I could only have one every week. Sad face.

Leaping from branch to branch I made my way to the hut, it wasn't hard to find, the aroma of different brews spilled over the forest so all I had to do was follow my nose. It eventually came into view so I dropped down directly in front of the door and gave a rhythmic knock.

Aye she loves me this weird ass zebra, she was at the door in under three seconds! Beaming at me she stepped aside to let me in which I thanked her for and entered, not before wiping my feet on the mat I made her. " What a treat for you to show, this time of year the fireflies glow. It's good to have your company, the dancing off the fireflies we shall see." Zecora trotted into her storage and returned carrying a jar in her maw, looking at me expectantly. " Thanks Zecora but I'm only here for some disinfectant, a Chinotaur got me yesterday after going after two ponies."

The striped mare paused "Two ponies you say you saved? I'm sure they'll keep your dept repaid. You say of course there were two, so excuse me for I wonder who?". I thought for a second, giving the details to Zecora about the two mares I found in the forest. She was silent, staring at me intently with a look of knowing in her eyes, she must recognise the two. "This is Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash, for why they were here I must surely ask".

Rainbow... Bust have been the blue one, well I hope they're OK so I asked Zecora if she could take me into Ponyville to check on them, maybe if Zecora was with me then they wouldn't freak out...

Maybe...

Anyways, I got the disinfectant, applied it and set off with Zecora down the path to Ponyville. We had little worry as we were both sporting some form of camouflage, lessening the risks of a predator attack. Still didn't stop me from keeping one eye and one ear out for trouble on the way there. Zecora... Wasn't so careful. "Judging from the red bird's tune, at Ponyville, we'll be arriving soon". She trotted happily beside me, hooves pattering softly on the grassy trail.

I wasn't convinced, Zecora was never one for hiding things but something was off. She was extremely giddy today along with friendly, not her usual calm and collected self. That's the reason we get on so well, I like to think that I'm quite tolerant and understanding, with a little bit of craziness on the side. Takes a bit of sugar to send me off then BOOM! I'm doing all kinds of crazy pranks and stuff. It's fun if you don't count the crash later. Worth it.

The forest seemed to glow today. Not the usual sunny patch here or there, I mean genuinely GLOW. You know those days that are just extra sunny? Like you get up and look out to see the huge celestial body resting softly on the horizon, the morning dew on the grass lights up like the crystals on a chandelier, the water has an almost unnatural flow, the wildlife are rolling around in the leaves, demented by this exceptional glow that covers the land like liquid happiness. That was today, e drying just seemed, refreshing, like things were gonna go my way for once which is about time! I've been smacked up too much recently so I think I deserve a cupcake today. I'll give one to Zecora as well, she looks like she's in the mood... I hope she's not in heat...

*****

We eventually reached the edge of the forest, coming to a clearing. My first thought was: okay, Zecora gave me something, and now I'm tripping! Brilliant... There's a little cottage over there that looks like something from snow-freakin white and there's woodland creatures going in and out of that thing like the arcades back home. In the distance there's a small town, which has even More trippy colours.

Geez I hope this ends well...

Hello's

Hahaha, oh shit I'm not high, these houses are actually multicoloured and the bake- HOLY FUCK IT'S A GIANT GINGERBREAD HOUSE!... Yes fucking please. Wait... Not sure if delicious or trolling.

Anyway, me and Zecora walked (in her case pranced) up to dirt pathway that separated the colourful structures. They resembled old Victorian cottages with hay rooftops, albeit painfully bright painted walls. The sad thing was that despite the candy-coloured mess that was the buildings, it still seemed somewhat... dirty. Flowers laced the outskirts like sprinkles on a rainbow donut...

I'm making myself hungry, AND GETTING DISTRACTED. Anyway, we actually made it to the first structure before audible gasps were heard all around, followed by the frantic stomping of hooves and then silence. Brilliant, and I didn't get to see one freakin pony. "I assumed these ponies learned their lesson, to set aside their first impression". I could sense a little irritation in her voice but I brushed it off, I mean at least those two from before weren't afraid of me... I think. Even Zecora regarded me with caution when we first met but that was brief, and it wasn't downright fear that these ponies were showing.

I asked Zecora if she could help me find the two from yesterday, gaining a quick smile from her and a sudden change in direction. "For where they live I do not know, something a librarian can truly show". Librarian? I'm sure I've heard of the librarian... Twilight? Oh yeah! She's friends with everybody around here, she'll know where they live.

We arrived at a... tree? "Zecora, when you said library you did mean a place where books are stored? This tree hasn't been turned into a book yet". She merely smirked and pressed onwards. I was about to throw my hands in the air and sulk back to the forest when I spotted a door at the base of the tree. Aaaaaah, wait so the library is inside? My head hurts...

Zecora rapped on the door a couple of times and stood patiently while voices and the tapping of hooves on a varnished surface drew nearer to the door. It eventually opened to reveal a lavender coloured mare, smiling politely which brightened further at the sight of Zecora. "Hi Zecora! It's funny you came by, Rainbow wanted to ask y-y-y-".

You guessed it, she finally spotted me.

She slammed the door...

How rude! Fair enough I'm weird, tall and covered in blood but if I opened a door to my friend and saw a huge scary monster behind them, I wouldn't slam the door on my friend and leave them with it! So what did I do? I kicked that funky tree-door into the daft excuse for a hobbit house and marched straight up to the bitch with an EXTREMELY annoyed expression. "I understand I frighten you, and I understand that I may look rather intimidating considering I haven't had a good wash in a long time but believe me when I say I am shocked and EXTREMELY disappointed in you ms Twilight!"

The look of fear on her face briefly turned into a look of shock then pure shame as I continued: "I cannot believe for the life of me that you would shut out your friend in the face of a potentially dangerous creature, not that I myself am dangerous but what if I was? Hmmm? Shame on you!" by this time she was on the verge of tears, hanging her head and pawing at the ground like a school girl being scolded. I think she learned her lesson so I'll surprise her even more. "Now, I want you to think about your actions and write a letter to your mentor about what you've learned. I'm sure she won't appreciate them but at least you'll have acknowledged your wrongdoings".

That got her, relief flashed on her features and she shot up some stairs to a desk beside a bed, (presumably hers) levitating a scroll, quill and ink before scribbling madly away, mouthing the words as she wrote. I think it was five minutes before she descended the stairs to me and the Z, poor girl looked glum, trotting up to us with heavy steps and sullen features. "I'm truly sorry. How I acted was completely inexcusable, to Zecora and to you, I should have learned my lesson the first time around with Zecora and I ended up upsetting and offending both of you, even if you did look a bit scary".

I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help a chuckle, I could smell the blood in my hair so I wasn't bothered by her comment, oh idea! "Twilight? I forgive you but do you have a shower or bath I could use? I fear that if I spend another hour like this I'll cry like a little filly". Hey she giggled at that, score.

She lead me up the stairs to a smooth light oak door with a picture of a ship on it... figures. Motioning me to go in with a flick of her hoof, I opened the door to a completely white, clean bathroom, equipped with a sink basin and taps, no shower weirdly enough.

"I think you're going to have to use the bath, don't worry I'll clean it later". Bullshit, you wouldn't touch this amount of blood if it was layered on a cake. I figured I'd clean it later so I walked in (squatted, these doors are like four feet tall while I myself am just over six foot tall) shut the door and stripped.

I was settling down, just about to step in when something caught me eye, a glint? Eye shine. "Twilight, I'd appreciate it if you didn't spy on me during my private time. It's rather embarrassing". Next thing you know the door slams shut followed by the scamper of frantic hooves down the stairs.

I chuckled and slid into the pint-sized bath, allowing the heat and clean aroma to wash away the harsh smells that clung to me.

It was a whole hour before I deemed myself clean enough to exit the bath , wrap myself in a towel and hear back downstairs to where Zecora and Twilight sat, discussing recent happenings and magical spells or remedies.

When I entered two things happened: A, an alabaster unicorn with a styled purple mane zipped up to me, and B, all conversation help at that moment was halted immediately.

"Is it true?! Your kind wear clothes ALL THE TIME?! PLEASE let it be true!" safe to say this one scared me. Despite her brash actions she held a clean, sophisticated air around her, speaking in a snobbish but motherly tone, you know the one. The tone that the rich kid's mum uses when she's tucking him up in bed.

I smiled sheepishly "It's a pleasure to meet you too." I'm such a prat aren't I?

She blushed intensely before backing away and turning her head in slight embarrassment "My name is Woods and yes, where I'm from it's regarded as a taboo to wanted around in public without a sufficient amount of clothes."

Oh boy...

"oh my STARS! That is truly fabulous darling! Truly wonderful! Such a world I should see, the fashion, the variety, oh such a world is meant for me. Your kind must have a great range of fashions if you are constantly draped! You MUST give me a few of your culture's designs for formal attire, if you do I assure you I will try my best to outfit you with a stunning sample from moi, free of charge! Don't argue darling, I won't take no for an answer!" she was away, making long and extravagant hoof gestures in a dramatic show before stopping suddenly and staring at me expectingly.

What could I do? Free clothes! "I would be delighted to lady ... erm, pardon me for I seem to have missed your name."

Her eyes widened for a second "Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Rarity, I run the Carousel Boutique just down the road to here, I am the lead fashion designer in this side of Equestria if I do say so myself". Fair enough, I smiled in response.

"Thank you lady Rarity and I would be delighted to show you some of the fashions we sport in our world, I can even draw some sketches for you if you prefer. However, I'm afraid I need to find two particular mares before I do any business with you. You see they were in a little spot of trouble yesterday and I wanted to check on their current status to clear any worries that I have now".

She nodded in response "Ah yes, Zecora mentioned that you needed to see a certain Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo? I happen to know where Rainbow Dash lives and as for Scootaloo, you can ask my little sister Sweetie Belle about where she is right now". She knows the blue one? That makes things slightly easier, plus she also has a lead on the smaller one. "Could you please take me to miss Rainbow Dash's house? If it's no bother to you lady Rarity". My tail curled slightly, it does that when I'm feeling a little restless or strained, right now I was struggling to keep the formal tone. "Oh of course darling, I shall take you there right away! Well... After you grab a little clothing first". She smirked while I immediately turned round back to the bathroom to collect my shorts, they would do until I got some cleaner, less trashed clothes from Rarity. I left the shirt to save time, heading back down to the group to find another guest in the form of a small reptile.

He took one look at me, shrugged then turned back to Rarity.

The bugger was oogling her from across the room, barely taking any notice of me at all! Better than screaming or running in my opinion, but he seemed chill so I thought I'd engage him. " Yo, my name's Woods, what's yours?" he turned to me with slightly more interest than before " Spike, Twilight's number one assistant and Ponyville's only dragon. You look kinda weird bro, no offence but from what Rainbow was talkin about I expected you to look... I don't know... scarier." I snorted, this guy was cool, reminded me of myself in many ways. "Sorry bud it's just me, I know what you mean bro but you're the first who hasn't ran away screaming like a little filly, it's kinda refreshing". I smiled while Spike donned a smirk. "Ah don't worry about it bro, you're actually rather cool, it was nice meetin ya!".

I snuck a quick brofist before Rarity nudged me out the door with her horn before magically closing it behind us. We strolled down the empty streets of Ponyville. The townsfolk still hadn't came out from their barricades so I assumed that being with one of them doesn't mean that I'll be trusted. Meh, screw them, I have a pegasus to check on.

Rarity talked non-stop about her adventures with her five close friends, and of course how her hair was in an apocalyptic state after most (assume the eye roll) of them. Can't say it was a terrible experience but I wouldn't call it stimulating. Eventually we reached a clearing with no house in sight, to fuck with me even more she stopped and looked back at me expectantly.

I'd had enough by now "So does she live underground?" Her smile widened as she looked up to a cloud that hung above us. Nothing out of the normal he- DUCK FUCKING BUISCITS IS THAT A RAINBOW RIVER?!

I gotta admit that this Rainbow Dash girl has a good idea for home design, even if it is made out of water vapour. All of a sudden, Rarity raised her voice to a shout "Rainbow Dash! A certain someone wanted to pop by and see how you were doing!" The base of the cloud moved slightly, like what a rug looks like when a rat crawls underneath it. A speck of colour peeked over the side, hanging there for a second before darting off the side, escaping my view completely.

"Guess she didn't want to see me eith-"

BOOM!

Before me stood the same Pegasus I saw yesterday, feathers preened and hair combed in a sleek pattern across her sky-coloured frame. Her hair was styles in a care-free streak over one side and around her neck, small tufts jutting out presumably from flying at high speeds. She was staring straight at me, head rolling slowly up and down, sizing me up and scanning my features. The weird thing was she didn't look scared despite what she had seen me do.

Far from it actually.

She looked at me, a smile forming slightly then rising into her cheeks, still going, stretching into her ears. Her eyes were so huge by now I thought they could pop at any second.

I raised my hand in an open gesture and smirked meekly "Hi" I waved.

Her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell sideways unconscious.

... Great

Friends

Rainbow is laying slumped on the grass... right.

Waiting for shit to hit the fan...

"What did you do?!"

And there it is.

"Tell me NOW! What kind of magic did you use on my friend?!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Nothing?! How do you explain her fainting when she looked at you?!"

"Like I'd know, your crazy friend here has more answers than I do, I did nothing!"

"Oh please! You're obviously lying!"

"If I'm guilty of anything, it's standing here and breathing. That's it."

"So you used your breath to knock her out?"

"Now that's just insulting..."

"Oh like I care! You knocked out my friend!"

"For the umpteenth time! She fainted on her own! Look, humans can't use magic, see? I did absolutely nothing other than save her from a garden insect that's probably been fed too much rat poison."

"So... You saved her? It was you?!"

"What?..."

"You're the one that saved her and Scootaloo from the Chinotaur! Oh my stars she came to the library yesterday and gushed over this 'awesome' creature that help the air of a god. She simply HASN'T shut up about you darling".

I just stood there dumbly for a second 'Right, so this chick thought I was awesome yesterday when I saved her, fair enough but I was expecting at least some caution or skeptism from her, this is just unnerving. Rarity was eyeing me cautiously whilst making her way over to her fallen friend. I didn't blame her, I mean how would you act if a strange creature arrived Nd your friend just dropped like a sack of shit? I would freak out. The next bit was uncalled for...

WHAM!

An orange blur flew past me, knocking my arm, spinning me round and dislocating mr right shoulder. Great, to be fair, I did sign up for this weird business when I set foot into town, I might as well deal with it.

I span to face my attacker and found another pony of all things! Aren't they meant to be cute and cuddly? She was bright orange like the sky on a clear day's dawn, long streaks of sunlight golden hair were swept over one shoulder and tied in a red band at the end. The rest was hidden under some dirty old cowboy hat. The branding on her flank showed three apples, I usually don't take any notice of those marks to be honest, if someone had a hobby or a passion I'd rather they talk to me about it, it's better than leaving nothing to the imagination.

Well this one looked PISSED. She was scraping her front hooves off of the dirt, the way a bull does just before it charges. She looked rather pretty for a pony, the freckles gave her a slight look of innocence, as if she has spent her whole life just being honest to a point of secluded work. She really needed to get out more.

"You. Get out of ere' and never come back!" she hissed at me, malice strewn her eyes like mud on an emerald to precious, it scared me that something so innocent, so clean, so HONEST... could show so much hate. It frightened me, but I stood straight, grabbing my bad arm towards the top of the bicep and heaving it upwards with a sickening 'pop'. I guess I was wrong by doing that as both her and Rarity flinched, yeah I know it's disgusting. However, the orange one lowered her head, looking even angrier than before, so I decided it was time to open my mouth.

"I plan on leaving, as soon as your friend wakes up so I know she's ok". Short and simple so she knows I'm not in the mood for this. "Hah! Yeh, like ah'm gonna believe that some weird lookin monkey that's pants are caked in blood wanted to call mah friend here to have idle conversation? They don't call me the element of honesty fer nothin bub!" fair played to be honest, I mean my shorts either need to be cleaned or condemned.

"Look, I already explained that to Rarity, your friend was in danger yesterday so I helped her out, I'm here to see if she got out of the forest ok, and believe me, if I wanted to hurt you all I would have done so by now!"

Not convinced.

She charged me, spinning on the ground and coming to a halt before me. In the space of a fraction of a second she was there, rear legs bent, poised to flash out. The problem with this kind of attack is that she can't strike with her rear legs before she gets a sure footing with her front, so until she's planted firmly, she can't strike or she'll topple over completely. I took the opportunity, held my breath and slid back as her rear legs extended, moving with them in a fluid motion and stopping just at the end of her reach. I finished by grabbing both of her rear legs and standing there, leaving her entire form stretched out from her front hooves to my waist.

She looked quite surprised by this but I didn't dwell on it, she tugged firmly on her back legs, causing herself to fall flat on her muzzle and help in surprise. As from before, I wasn't taking any chances with that buck, she caught me with her head and that dislocated my shoulder, the muscles on those legs screamed power and I wasn't about to take a bite from them any day soon.

She glared at me from her heap on the floor, getting up and positioning herself for another charge... that is before Rainbow stepped in. "What do ya think yer doing RD? Get out of the way so ah can pummel this chimp to the next season." she was focused on her friend now, eyes locked open in surprise while flicking to me every now and then to check on what I was doing. "I've already explained to you why I'm here you over-grown satsuma. I'm here to check on this one".

"SATSUMA?! NOW yer gonna get it!"

"ENOUGH!!!"

We all turned to look at Rainbow Dash, who was standing firm between me and the orange cowmare, legs visibly shaking but not enough to be immediately noticeable. I could tell, she really didn't like this situation and I was as much to blame as the fruit mix on legs was.

"AJ, why are you doing this?"

"Cause that BEAST was attackin' ya."

"I was standing still you talking fruit salad."

"You shut yer cake hole before ah fill it with mah hoof."

"Both of you be quiet!"

"RD, this thing was tryin to kill yer!"

"No he wasn't, he saved me AND he came to see if I was OK after he stood I between me an a Chinotaur!"

AJ looked white taken aback from this, Chinotaurs must be a ponie's natural predator.

A smug grin would be my normal offering but I think that would be kind of dangerous right now. I understood AJ's concern for her friend, if it was slightly irrational. I walked up to where Rainbow stood and put my hand on her head. That took them both by surprise as Rainbow whipped her head up to me, staring... just staring. AJ on the other hand, I could her the teeth grinding from over here, tough break to be honest but it's not like I don't blame her.

I had my options:

One: try and gain everyone's trust by being a nice and tolerant character, braving all their attempts to stick it to me or shoo me off. The down side to that would be an internal conflict with this town. Ponies will take sides, arguments will start, friendships will definitely break and that's not what I want.

Two: I can leave.

Simple, effective and no miniature wars sprout up wherever I go. Down side is that if I leave straight away, Rainbow is gonna blame AJ, which will yield the same ending as option one, except the only ones on my side are Twilight, Spike, Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

Which leads me to option Three and I REALLY REALLY don't wanna do this...

Making Rainbow hate me...

Dramatic eh? Well tough shit, it wouldn't work anyway. I mean I've already mentioned that four other ponies know that I'm not capable of being mean without good reason. They'll figure it out and eventually tell Rainbow and guess what she'll do? Blame it on everybody else and start becoming obsessed, maybe even leaving her life here to find me... What? I'm not bragging, the fact that she fainted with a huge smile on her face when she saw me, gushed to all her friends about me and is standing there defending me can only mean that I'm right there in her high books. She sure has the personality for adventure, taking inspirations and working towards those inspirations to better herself. Throw in a dash of selflessness and protectiveness and you have the typical story book hero. I saw that she was about to take a dive for the little one in the forest, she doesn't deserve the trouble that comes with me.

I'd better be careful.

"Rainbow..."

"How do you know my name?"

"Seriously? Your marshmallow friend over there screamed it so loud I'm gonna be hearing for a month." Apparently Rarity didn't like that name. Hehehe. "Rainbow, AJ had every right to take a swing at me. If you saw a weird creature caked in blood staring at one of your unconscious friends, what would you do? Think about it seriously."

She frowned for a moment before relaxing, hanging her head and shuffling a random stone along the dirt with her hoof.

"That's what I thought. Rainbow I only came here to check on you. I'll be doing a few things in town then setting off on my own. I hope you'll understand that I need to get home."
I might as well just tell her, none of the blame can go an AJ if I wanted to leave already.

"Fine! Then I'll take you home!". That's right... wait what?!

"NO! You can't, you have friends and a job here, not to mention all the ponies that look up to someone like you!" please oh please...

"It's not like I'm gonna be gone a while! Just point to where you wanna go and I'll get you there in ten seconds flat!"

"It's not that simple..."

"And why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Load of horse apples ."

"Seriously..."

"How?"

"Because it's not WHERE I'm gonna go, it's HOW I'm gonna get there. It's gonna take a while because where I need to be has it's own pane of existence, another world if you will."

Well done me. She slumped, defeated, which was pretty weird to be honest, I thought she would put up more of a fight judging by her personality. AJ snorted and resumed her upright stance. She seemed slightly... racist to me. Maybe that's the general order of this place, anything new or different is regarded with distaste or distrust. I would understand if it wasn't completely irrational! It seems like all they want is clockwork lives, doing the same thing, day in and day out so if anything new and huge comes up they all scatter like rabbits in a field. AJ wasn't important right now, all I had to do was get back to the library, talk with Twilight, draw up some sketches for Rarity, (I am a man of my word, maybe I can draw some things like kimono's or some modern winter get-ups) grab some supplies and be on my way.

Top priority is talking to Twilight. She's a librarian, a damned diligent one at that, so if anyone will came a clue on how I got here or how to get back, it will be her.

"Come on Skittles, I need to be back at the library soon, they're gonna be wondering where I am." she raised one eyebrow at me.

"Skittles?"

"A joke from my world."

"O-Kay... I guess..."

"Ah'm comin with yer! Ah wanna make sure you don' try anythin funny with mah friends." fair enough.

"Fair enough." despite all the abuse I just took from her, I quite liked the blonde cowpony. She seemed to be another alteration of Rainbow Dash, a hint of arrogance but a different kind to Rainbow's arrogance. No wonder they were friends, and I guessed they got into a few quifs of their own.

"Hold on Darlings, wait for me." oh yeah, Rarity just got out of her dumb staring to see us walking away.

We walked back to Ponyville, the same screams, clatter of hooves on dirt followed by silence. I would be offended, but right now I couldn't care less. Rainbow was firing off questions at me like a tank, leaving me little time to answer before she was off asking other questions that popped into her over-sized skull. Each one I answered simply 'I'll tell you once we get to the library'. Please dear lord let us get there soon, I can't take the strain of this interrogation. Applejack just glared at me from behind, I could feel her gaze like a red hot poker drilling it's way into the back of my head. She can glare all she wants, if she has any questions other than 'who taught me how to fight' then be my guest, how bad can it be?

"So... Thing... What do yer eat normally?"

Shit.

Well no point in lying "Pretty much anything to be honest, from fruit and berries to whale phlegm and bat spit, our kind. Have been known to eat quite a lot of things including insects." I'm gonna have to say it sooner or later...

"So none of yer kind eat any... meat?"

The bitch...

"Yes, we do eat some meat."

We'll slap my tits and call me candy they all stopped dead, each of their coat's colour drained (apart from Rarity's but I think I saw her mane go a bit pale) and they started backing off. " We don't eat ponies you know, it's regarded as a taboo where I'm from and plus I wouldn't eat any of you anyway, that would be murder on my case." yeah fuck you too Applecrap.

"Why should ah believe yer." she did but she just didn't want to lose face. Yeah... biggot.

"I think you already do, I told you before that I would have hurt you already if I wanted to, we don't eat sentient creature, that's called murder. The only meat I eat right now is fish as all other meat on this world is either poisonous or able to talk. Both of which are on my no list. Can we get on another subject please? We've established that, other than fish, I have the same diet as you, only I can't eat hay, grass or flowers."

"Makes sense." Thank you Rarity! At least she isn't above listening to reason.

"Meat eaters are usually scarce round these parts, we don' take our chances ere." She really doesn't like me does she?

"Well what about bears and griffins? Aren't they omnivores? They're allowed here."

"Bears are kept near the edge of town and griffins aren't served here, this is a pony village, not a birdhouse."

"What about Gilda?"

"Who?"

"My friend Gilda, she was a griffin."

"And look how she turned out."

That shook me a little bit "But that's just ONE griffin. Just because one of them was bad doesn't mean they all are."

"Yer naive to be thinkin that." ...what?

"I'm not the naive one here..." she was about to say something, probably an insult directed at me, but Rarity cut her off.

"That is enough you two, how about we just get back to the library do we can sort things out in a proper manner? Woods, you still owe me sketches of your world's attire so I suggest you keep a clear head till we get there." yes mom

"Yes mom." boy I'm funny.

We continued walking in silence till the library (resisting the urge to call it tree, wait... If Twilight lives in a tree... does that make her a squirrel?) came into view. Other ponies had decided to come out since there was t much commotion, although they were either the brave or stupid ones. One particular grey mare shot dangerously past me. Must have been a regular thing since Rainbow merely rolled her eyes. We eventually reached the door but instead of knocking, Rainbow merely kicked the door open and prance in happily, addressing the occupants "This place just got twenty percent cooler!"

Only, there was someone in there who was not fazed at all...

"Princess Celestia?!" they all gasped in unison. Each pony present bowed their beds in display of respect while I stood there dumbly. She was at least as tall as me (discounting the horn) with presteened white wings. The mark on her flank was of a golden sun, plain and simple like the very sun in the sky. Zecora told me that this world had goddesses that could raise the sun and the moon. Looks to me that this is the highest power this world has to offer, not surprised considering the aura she was emitting. It was like standing in the infernal heat of the sun, I was frightened that the library would catch fire. She looked upon me briefly with interest which was quickly overshadowed by mild disgust, perhaps even a hint of sadness? I couldn't tell properly, looks like thousands of years in royalty has taught her how to pull off the ultimate poker face. Two words came to my mind as I watched the internal swirl of mysterious emotions...

Challenge. Accepted.

""Greetings strange one. I am told by my student here that you have gotten yourself aquatinted with my little ponies. I trust you have not caused any harm to come to them?"

"No your majesty, all of your subjects I have encountered are here and unharmed. I have no intention of causing any kind of bloodshed to your subjects for as long as I am in your land." Well, she was intrigued but she seemed just as distrustful as the majority of her subjects. She pressed on.

"You say that but I recall seeing you in combat with Applejack. Do you deny this?"

This was an interrogation, a harsh one at that. She wanted to put me on the spot not only to strain any potential lies but to judge my character and nature. The only thing I can do now is gain her favor. With her being a goddess of this world, I figured that she would know something about that old man who I met before coming here. If I could get in her good books then I could get the information I need and be one step closer to home. All I had to do was keep my cool.

"No princess, I do not deny that we were engaged in a brief conflict but I can assure you that I had no hostile intentions towards her. I'm sure that if you saw our conflict then you saw me briefly disable Applejack from causing me harm then backing off. Though do not judge, she was not at fault for assaulting me."

"And why do you think that?"

"The situation played out would make her actions understandable."

"What kind of situation would that entail?"

"A misunderstanding."

"Explain."

I took a deep breath before I continued. "I had saved two of your subject from a Chinotaur attack the previous day. Granted they had run off before I could take them to safety I opted to check on their current status to make sure they were out of the forest safe and sound. Upon seeing Rainbow here, she appeared to be overcome with an unknown emotion, though I think it was a positive one judging by her smile, and she fainted." Rainbow's cheeks flushed beet red at this. Spike chuckled quietly in the corner, earning him a stern look from Twilight.

"Applejack spotted us near Rainbow's place of residence, having judged the situation from the unconscious mare on the ground, a strange creature with blood and dirt stained clothing and another mare who appeared to be in shock. She mistook me for dangerous and attacked me to defend her friend from what she thought was a threat, ergo, a simple misunderstanding."

The princess seemed to ponder this for a moment, flashing me, AJ and Rainbow Dash looks. " We're there any witnesses?"

"Yes, Lady Rarity was present the entire time."

"Is what he claimed true miss Rarity?"

"Yes your majesty, it was a simple misunderstanding."

"Very well."

The tension of the room softened but didn't leave. The princess wasn't here for idle chit chat and she certainly wasn't here just because a little scuffle happened just outside of one of her precious towns. She had other business, but gave me a brief pause before continuing the conversation.

"You say you are from a different world and were sent here, can you explain please? Who were you sent here by?" I wasn't out of the shark infested kiddie pool yet. If she wanted answers I wanted some in return... but that could wait.

"I am from a world known as Earth. My species are similar to mine but with our the extra feature I possess which is my tail."

"Your kind don't have tails?"

"Correct."

"Explain to me why you are different."

"I do not know princess. It was with me from the moment I woke up in this world just over a month ago. It was a nuisance at first but I can come to grow fond of this new addition."

"I see. So tell me more about before you were sent here."

"The only thing that I can recall that was unusual before me being sent here was that I was approached by an old man, asking me strange questions about leaving my home."

"Can you describe this man?"

"He was clothed in a dark brown coat. He had an uneven canine jutting out one side of his mouth, grey hear and a grey goatee. The sleeves on his jacket were uneven, one side was brown and fluffy while the other was tight wit and yellow."

"Was his behaviour unusual?"

"He was asking me lots of questions about leaving my home for free, going on an adventure and seeing a whole new world. What was weird was that he was talking about glorious chaos that would come with my arrival and how he'd just love to see how I fared on my adventure."

"CHAOS?!" The princesses voice became that equal to a roar as she abruptly stood up, glaring at me with malice. I think if I hadn't had gotten used to this place already a little bit of wee might have came out at that point. The rest of the room was deathly silent.

"Are you saying that Discord sent you here?"

"Discord your highness?"

"The spirit of chaos and disharmony. Your description fits him perfectly. If that is the case then I can only say that you may not be able to return home."

So much for not losing my cool...

"WHAT?! What the HELL do you mean?!" I was stood now, hands balled into fists, rage burned me so deep my soul was crying in pain yet I did not yield, I was too overcome be grief to notice until all my energy was suddenly sapped and I fell to one knee.

"I can't... Go home? I c-can't, s-s-see my... f-f-family?" tears were welling up as I knelt there. The princesses look had changed from interest to that of minor pity, still overshadowed by disgust.

"If he sent you here then I do not have the power to send you back. He escaped confinement over a month ago but was quickly contained. We cannot release him in fear that he would rise again. I'm sorry but you cannot return home."

"What then? I'm just supposed to lay down and die?"

"You are Discord's creation." She said in a manner of factly way.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he sent you here for a reason, to cause chaos and disharmony. It looks like he sensed your desire to return to your family and used it as a fail-safe in case he was imprisoned again. Your intentions to get back to your family would free him and he would frolic in chaos again."

"So I was a pawn of him? I can't go back until he's free again?"

The princess scowled and her voice lowered "He will NOT be freed again."

I thought long and hard about it. Discord was the only one who had the power to send me back home, and he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Maybe if he had the knowledge of my world then he shared it with someone? That could work! Maybe I'm not the only one he sent here! All I have to do is seek out rend ants of his work in here then I could piece together a way to get back home. It was a long shot but it's the only option I had.

"Of course not your majesty."

Her eyes widened for a second "Excuse me?"

"He can't be released if he has caused this world so much trouble, but I may ask princess, what will become of my fate since I am no longer bound to Discord?"

"If that is the case then you may stay in this land provided you follow our laws and rules. If you cause no trouble in my land then no trouble will come to you."

"I am truly grateful your majesty."

"So what will you do now you have no home?"

"Travel. This is an entirely new world and there is much to see."

"Very well, I wish you well on your journey. I'm sure my student here will be of assistance to you until you depart. That is all I have to say, I must be off back to Canterlot to help with the proceedings on the raid patrol. I wish you all well my little ponies." and with a flash of light, she was gone, leaving me and the others in a stunned silence for a time.

"Well Woods, I'm truly sorry for how things have turned out for you, perhaps fate will be kinder on your journey, Equestria has a lot to offer you know! I'll fetch you some supplies from the market and you can spend the night in the spare bed, I only hope it's big enough." Twilight had a smile on her face but I could see flashes of pity behind her magenta eyes. It wasn't a bad pity though, she truly wanted to help me, offering services to a complete stranger on the account of a bad turn of events. In reality I couldn't be more grateful.

"Thanks Twilight, if it makes any difference, while I'm here, I can give you some information about my world. I've got info on the human anatomy, Earth's flora and fauna, fictional tales, information about my home town and the typical stereotypes that my race prese-"

"Woods, I think you'd better shut up now..." Rainbow's voice was laced with concern and a nibble of frustration. It wasn't until I have looked up that I noticed Twilight's face. Her eyes had become large with the pupils spanning almost all the way to the lid, obscuring most of the white behind the iris. Her mouth was open in a slight gaping smile of amazement with a string of drool hanging from the corner. The gleam in her eyes was entrancing... and for some reason this was the scariest thing I had seen for a good while.

She started slowly towards me, her grin stretched to an impossible width as she licked her lips in anticipation. The others seemed to be rooted to the spot, reluctant to interfere with what Twilight was going to to to me.

Right, fuck it, I'm running " AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I turned on my heel and kicked off in the direction of the stairs, shooting straight past the group, landing my feet on the bottom step and heaving myself up the stairs at high speed. I must have pushed too hard as I was heading straight for the ceiling of the first floor so I quickly tilted, ran my feet off the opposing wall to keep my momentum and sped on down the hallway upside down.

I came to a slow at the first turn, letting myself drop I spotted a cupboard so I quickly ran inside and shut the doors behind me, pushing myself to the back behind the assortment of dresses and costumes. I waited, listening for the giveaway of clopping hooves and rapid panting. She quickly passed me by, heading for the upstairs balcony so I let out a sigh of relief. Of course I'm an unlucky shit, I heard panting behind me... noooooo it can't be can it?

I turned slightly to sky blue eyes "I LOVE hide and seek."

SLAM! I shot off into the opposite wall, throwing the cupboard doors open and slamming into the hallway. It didn't take long for me to recover and I found myself running again but down the stairs to the main section. I was almost at the door, everyone's eyes following me with amusement and silent shock. But it was not to be, a purple aura wrapped round me and hefted me off the wooden flooring, legs still swinging wildly for the floor.

I found myself being moved to face Twilight, still the same crazed grin as before but some of her sanity had found its way back, thank the stars or I'd be raped with a serverely ravished book.

"You're going... To tell me... EVERYTHING." Twilight was speaking to me in what I like to call the 'Rapey Dave' voice. I swear I almost cried pussy tears then. The rest of the group were chuckling to themselves, save Rarity who was shaking her head at the same time. There were two new additions to the group, an insanely pink puffy haired pony with the biggest peado grin I've even seen, and a small golden-furred pegasus with a ross coloured mane and tail, the mane obscuring most of her face in a vain attempt to hide herself from me.

I sighed in defeat, nodding to Twilight I was taken towards the stairs. Just before I reached them I spotted Rarity winking at me from across the room before departing out of the front door, probably to make me some new clothes. Is it rude to strip in front of ponies? Couldn't hurt.

Actually fuck that, I have my dignity! Or what's left of it... Twilight butt-fucked the rest when she abducted me in her own home.

"I appreciate the affection but you're gonna have to buy me dinner first love." She looked up at me, complete shock washed over her face, followed by intense consideration, then a half-lidded seductive gaze...

...fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck...

"Oh I'm just going to sample a few things from you, I hope you don't mind, it's not often I come across a specimen as... toned as you are."

"Oh believe me love, there's better out there, besides, my popsicle isn't known for it's quantity."

"Oh nonono, this is a performance exam, and I'll be your examiner for the night."

Right that's it.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP ME PLEASE JESUS I'M TOO YOUNG AND INNOCENT! I STILL HAVE MY FLOWER OH HOLY SHIT OF THE FLYING MOTHERFUCKER THAT IS FATE PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!" I was squirming like a fat man on a hot night, and Twilight was almost doubled over with laughter.

Funny bitch...

"hardy har har, you've had your fun purple prankster, now please put me down so we can get to busine- NOT THAT KIND OF BUSINESS!" a purple aura had enveloped my shorts and was slowly, VERY slowly, sliding them down. That tore it and finally Twilight dropped me while she rolled over in a fit of giggles, tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks. It was all banter, then it hit home. Twilight was actually comfortable with this? Not four hours ago she had slammed the door in my face and cowered in fear from my presence. This mare had grown to accept me as one of her friends, someone who she was able to openly mock and play with, despite having just met them earlier that day.

And she was helping me on my journey.

"Errr Woods? Are you... crying? Are you okay?"

I was crying? I was. Manly fucking tears.

"I'm fine Twilight, I'm fine, I'm just happy. Now, should we head back downstairs so I can get properly aquatinted with everyone before we turn in for the night, plus I still need to draw up those sketches for Rarity. You've all been so kind to me since I got here, I have no words to describe how grateful I am.

She smiled warmly at me, letting me go so I dropped softly onto my feet. We both set off downstairs to the group, contented smiles on our faces for we had both made one of the most beautiful things I had found since I got here...

A friend.

Hero

"We're back guys." Me and Twilight walked into the room, hips swaying and huge grins on our faces. After our little game of chasies, he had hard the concerned muttering coming from the main room, so we thought we would play a small prank on them.

Trust me when I say that Twilight had a pretty dirty sense of humor, even for a bookworm such as her! She's never like that when spike's around but judging from the amount of romance novels she reads, she's no stranger to it either. The only other I can say that actually has a dirtier mind is Rainbow (no surprises there!). Pinkie is a close third...

Well... As we walked in a certain cyan mare shot out and tackled me, wrapping her forehooves over and under my arms, lifting me away from Twilight. "I'll save you Woods!"

I could see her shit-eating grin from here. Twilight looked amused but disappointed, she anticipated a shocked reaction from Rainbow. Damn her... I wanted a good prank, so I slapped that flank, causing her to help and drop me on the far side of the room.

Now it was my turn to play mr. Fuckberrygiggles...

"Twilight! You didn't..." Rarity and Applejack spoke in unison with almost rehearsed synchronisation. This prompted me to giggle my tits off and Twilight herself to chuckle. At least we got two of them.

"No You two it was just a joke, I don't know her well enough to try anything like that. By the way, is there anywhere in town that I can buy supplies from? I would really appreciate some things like maps or a compass or something." Everyone seemed to settle apart from Pinkie, her hair remained poofy but her grin subsided slightly.

"Awww, Woodsy never got any smoochie woochies from Twilight, that's not interesting at all!" We all rolled our eyes and brushed off Pinkie's last remark. Rarity soon spoke up.

"I suppose, there is a mountaineering store towards the town square and I can make some suitable clothes for you for on your travels. As for food, Fluttershy took it upon herself to get you various supplies for on your journey. I hope you don't mind me asking but would you prefer a... w-weapon for your travels? By law here in Ponyville, it is illegal for a non-pony to possess weapons in town, however I think the princess may grant you a pardon of Twilight were to send a request. I would be very upset if something were to happen to you dear." They all nodded in agreement, save Applejack who was sat on her haunches with her fore-hooves crossed, staring out of a window with a thoughtful scowl on her face. I payed no heed to it as I smiled at everyone, their kindness needs rewarding at some point in the future. Which reminds me...

"Rarity, do you have any parchment and a tool for drawing? Simple graphing will do although I'm afraid I don't work well with a quill and ink." I think she caught my drift as she bolted out the door with such a buzz that I've never seen before. I caught a glimpse of the horizon, the sun laying gently on the land's line, the sky darkening with a burning red in response. Judging by the position of the sun and the fact that it was closing in on fall, I estimated the time to be around six in the evening. That was fair enough, I could talk with this group, get acquainted and prepare to leave tomorrow, finally setting off around noon.

"While you wait I'll send that request off to the princess, I wouldn't expect much Woods. I can try and convince her that you'll need it I case you come across any beasts on your travels. They tend to crop up in the forests around and on the roads between towns, making many places very dangerous." Twilight cantered off up to her study, levitating her quill and parchment out for the weekly ritual which was writing letters to royalty.

Fluttershy spoke up after Twilight had disappeared from view "S-so... um... mr Woods? If it's not too much t-trouble... I need to ask... what kinds of a-animals do y-you have where you're f-from? If you d-don't mind that is..."

This little pony was just too cute. Sorry guys but you just can't say no to pleading puppy dog eyes like that. You'll upset the universe or something. " It's no trouble Fluttershy." I flashed a warm smile to her which she graciously returned " We have round about the same species as you do, minus the bloodthirsty monsters such as the Manticores or Timber Wolves. Where I come from though we have an abundance of forest wildlife; foxes, rabbits, squirrels, badgers, raccoons, regular wolves. And ofcourse you've got the humans like me who are the dominant species just like you ponies."

That was as much as I was giving... good, she seemed satisfied with that answer. She nodded pleasantly and receded to a nearby couch with a dreamy look in her eyes... creepy.

Tail's a twitchin, that basically means get out and about before I break something... "Yo girls, is it okay of I took a jog on the outskirts?" They glanced at me briefly, Applejack's eyes narrowing in slight suspicion. Eventually they all nodded with a few light peeps or affirmation.

Yes! Go time!

I didn't hesitate as I dashed out the door into the streets.

"FREEDOOOOOOOM!" I wailed, leaping into a fast succession of flips, scaring numerous groups of ponies and causing a few to even faint! I didn't care in the slightest, powering on till I reached the far edge of the town towards the entrance. I'd figured that Zecora had already gone on home but on second thought I realised that she wouldn't let me set off on a long journey without a goodbye.

Therefore I slowed to a walk along the outskirts of the forest. She would be round he somewhere, providing that it would be in my general interest to take a casual walk along the forest line. She knows fine well I wanted to get out of that forest, creepy place. You could say that my time there wasn't the best in the world...

Understatement of the century...

Ever since I got here anything that had sharp teeth or even a hint of predatory sense wanted my palls served on a platter. Hell even the PLANTS wanted me stir fried in a monkey stew! Yeah it was pretty annoying at times but after I had my mini breakdown I realised that I had been given something to help me survive in this annoyingly controversial world. You see in a world where you have an outline, cell shading and magic, you also have death, gore and disease. And to prevent me from being taken by said death and disease, discord had made sure I was granted with a heightened knack for strength, speed and reflexes to make up for my lack of sharp claws or teeth. But on the other hand that really wasn't saying much when faced with beings like Chinotaurs, Hydras, Manticores etcetera etcetera.

You see my point...

My tail did give me an insane edge in combat though, which is a godsend when fighting timber wolves who will follow you up god damn trees to get you! It allowed me to have a greater sense of balance and allowed me a great amount of control over my body position even when in freefall. I guess that was the reason I was able to pull off that neat trick in the library when I ran along the ceiling to get away from Twilight. Put all of that together and you have an awesome package that comes in wrapping labeled 'awesome' and 'intense' when it came to survival.

This train of thought brought me back to my first encounter with a Chinotaur. I freaked, I we'd and I made a whole mess of my underwear all in the time it took for me to turn and run like a demented jackass. Of course it caught up to me and it was only my heightened reflexes that allowed me to leap out of the way. I hid myself in the undergrowth, hoping that it would give up and leave, but I must have fucked lucky's sister or something cause it found me shortly after.

Again, out of reflexes and instinct alone I halted it's lunge by grappling it's pincers before they lopped off my oversized noggin. That's when I realised that not only was I stronger than I was before, this monster was EXTREMELY light in contrary to it's size. Seriously, if an earth pony kicked hard enough you could topple this pansy. So that's when I started my little Bear Grylls life in the creepy forest. Discovering that Chinotaurs' weaknesses is being tossed about like a wet flannel and a Manticore doesn't like it's tail being touched. Yeah it got easier and easier from there to the point where I could walk down the Everfree pathway and come out refreshed and relaxed.

Still, I would give it all up to be home again.

I continued along the forest edge, keeping an eye on the darkness in the wood whilst scanning the flower beds for Zecora. If I didn't find her there she must have already went home... well she must have had something to do so I'll have to pop by her but then head back to the library, I still need supplies for my trip, and a destination... preferably.

I eventually turned down the pathway to Zecora's hut, craning my head back to glimpse at Ponyville, then turning back and advancing into the hushed darkness. Laziness has been taking nibbles from me over the past week, now that I'm not hyperventilating at the first glimpse of teeth and eyes, therefore I was feeling slightly fatigued as I strolled down the dirt pathway through the forest. Then a new bug decided that I needed a big sloppy bite taken from me, and my face was the tasty side considering how my features had dropped to a dissatisfied scowl...

Boredom.

God fucking damn it.

What am I supposed to do when on a pathway to a striped witch doctor? Fuck all, that's what. Suddenly the usual mysterious and exciting sights of swaying branches and small wildlife scuffling just out of the undergrowth. Cute little bastards. The bunnies here were skittish, but god damn they were fearless. I've seen a mother bunny stare down an Ember Viper then take their babies away without another incident. It just goes to show that sometimes, even the most innocent looking creatures pack a pretty nasty bite. Still, watching then still didn't stall my gut-wrenching boredom. I found myself almost wishing that a Manticore would get lost on the path and spy me as a steaming Sunday dinner. But of course that wouldn't happen...

...it was a Wednesday...

I mean seriously, how can I be bored when I'm stuck in a world full of magical, mythical creatures, more than half of which would quite happily use my intestines as Christmas decorations. Nice crowd. Not shitting you, I've had worse neighbours, at least these beasts want my entrails for food rather than material to sacrifice to the unholy goat or something. Well I get stuck in a wondrous world, which I'm sure many people from my world would kill to get here, and I have fuck all to keep me occupied other than my own thoughts as I walk. Take one idea, shoot it then grab another one, tear off it's testicles then grab another one. It goes on but no ideas I had at the time would help, not when I was partially exhausted and bored still simultaneously.

A scream, followed by a roar.

Yes! Something partially interesting! Well it's not like I can just pass it by, someone is about to be torn apart by a Manticore, so leaving them be just because I'm in a lazy mood would kinda label me as an arse to be honest. That's not what I was thinking of though, my first thought was 'Shit I hope I'm not too late'. That's right ladies ad gentlemen... fucking cliché as hell.

I didn't even chance a second to worry as I dashed off into the shrubbery, caring even less about the nicks and cuts that appeared on my limbs on the way. The trees thickening further up the path prompted me to take to the branches, swinging and leaping from trunk to trunk in a series of rolls and flips. Like a grade A baws. No time for that! I expanded my line of sight by taking my run higher, listening for the tell tale signs of unintentional dinner. Shit!

It was a pony! ... And a Mantico-

...oh... Royal fuck nuts on a stick...

A feral Manticore.

Not a normal Manticore, no, a fucking FERAL one!

Normally I'd pause the video and take questions, give uninterested answers, slap the person that gives a stupid arse question about 'what are Manticores and why do you give a shit?'

Simple answer really, I'm allergic to cats, hence a driving passion to burn the tails off all cats. These has scorpion tails which weren't affected by fire. That just makes me more mad. Feral Manticores are a good two hundred percent nastier, with their heightened physical aspects such as strength, speed, reflexes and intelligence, they are a pretty nasty bunch. Furthermore, them being smarter doesn't make them any more pleasant to be around.

Worse to be honest.

Being of the 'Feral' category means that they use their expanded brain power to be devious in their attacks and plan ambushes beforehand. It makes them sneaky, dastardly and INFINITELY more dangerous. The only time I've ever fought one was a good fortnight ago and even then I just gave up and ran.

...And ran...

...And ran...

... You get the point. Well, it looks like whatever pony had just pissed it off must be the pony with the single worst luck on this side of the universe. It was cowering near a tree whilst the Manticore was slowly making it's way towards it, relishing it's fear and savouring it's terrified quaking.

I grabbed the last branch and swung myself in a large arc, landing directly between the pony and it's apparent predator in waiting. It was safe to say that both of the creatures there were equally shocked. It was even safer to say that the pony behind me was in fact a mare. She was a bright teal in colour with a matching sweeped mane, sporting a single silver streak down the centre. The mark on her flank was that of a harp, golden with no background, figures... she can play the harp no doubt. The two last facts I noticed about her was the horn that was protruding from her shaggy mane, and the number of scratches and claw marks streaming across her flanks.

I spoke without breaking eye contact with the manticore "You alright back there?" The unicorn startled for a second, clearly shocked by the turn of events occurring before her but to her credit, regained her composure for long enough to reply.

"Been better." she replied shakily. Funny, she's in possibly the worst shit that can happen within two hundred miles and she can still crack a funny?

...I like this one.

"Fair enough. Now here's the thing... I want you to run in the direction I just came from, that will take you to the pathway leading to Ponyville. Once you get there, head west and you should arrive there in twenty minutes. Got it?" I pointed in the direction I just came from. What followed was a heavy silence, broken only by the impatient growls from the manticore. The beast watched us with contempt and restrained amusement, clearly we were putting on a show for this cancer ridden kitty. Where the fuck do they make animals like these? It's like god is up there, jigsawing this fucked up mama who wants my testicles on a rotisery, then drops both it and me into a forest just for his own amusement.

Many bibles will be burned when I get back.

The silence still hung after that while, the manticore slowly creeping closer, pushing how far it can come before either we react or it can get us in killing range. Finally the silence between us was broken by a single word.

"No."

I pretty much lost my shit at that point "What the HELL do you mean NO?! Get OUT of here! I'll distract it and you ca-"

"Never! I'm not leaving you alone with that thing, plus you're gonna need someone to watch your back in case more come. Sorry dude but I'm not leaving 'till we're either dead or that thing is..." I couldn't see her but I could tell she gestured towards the manticore, speaking of which had come close enough and was now dipping it's shoulders, readying a pounce.

"Well we're gonna have to put up soon 'cause here it comes!" just as I said that, the beast leapt right for us, paws out and wings spread like a menacing angel of death. I leapt out of the way and the unicorn enveloped herself in a teal light, vanishing for a moment then reappearing besides me, causing the pretty kitty to crane it's head frantically in confusion.

"That was nice. If I could learn magic, you have totally got to teach me how to do that."

"Only if we get out of here first, it's hard to teach cat food magic... not that I've tried." She laughed nervously, shaking visibly at the sight of pretty kitty.

"We ARE getting out of here. No if's, no maybe's. We are gonna put pretty kitty in it's basket then skip... or in your case trot back to Ponyville and pretend this awesome shit didn't happen!" I gave her a smirk and an optimistic thumbs up over my shoulder, which seemed to unnerve her funnily enough.

Sigh, bitches never be pleased.

At that moment, the manticore finally figured out our position and quickly advanced on us, roaring in frustration. It lifted it's paws for a sure strike but we were already out of reach. I had flipped over it's claw and rolled down it's back away from it's dangerous front and dodging the awaiting tail at the back.

... So many bibles...

I kicked off the ground and landed in the distance away from the beast. I spotted the unicorn a few yards away from me, donning a defensive stance and awaiting the manticore's next move. It quickly spun around and flew directly at me, I got into a low stance. As it reached me, it slowed down and lifted up onto it's hind legs, claws up in the ready and it's eyes trained on mine. It unleashed an onslaught of blows with it's claws in a number of different directions, which I fluidly dodged with moderate effort. Meeting horizontal swipes with ducks or swift back-pedals and vertical swipes with sidesteps or rolls.

Eventually, it grew tired of mindlessly flailing and brought both it's pass up to body slam me. A notion which I quickly replied with a hay-maker to the stomach, sending the beast reeling back in pain and roaring in outrage. I heard a enthusiastic "Yeah!" from the unicorn which caused me to smirk.

I quickly made my way over to her and turned back to face the manticore "You got a plan?" she said. Honestly, if it were any other time, I would have made a hilarious comment about screwing the plan but this wasn't funny town he were fighting in. Like it or not, this is serious so we need a plan, jokes aside... for the moment.

" It needs to lose it's tail. The base of it has a shit load of nerve endings so tearing it off should incapacitate it for a good while. We can use that time to finish it while it's down. It'll be tricky but once we have the tail off victory is pretty much ours. If you can enrage it, get it's focus entirely on you, I can sneak round the back and get a hold or Mr Stabstab back there. Once it's off we can get a rock and cave it's skull in. Don't worry about it getting you if you keep using your teleport spell... thingy. You okay with this?" I turned briefly to get a look at her expression, which was stone hard in determination.

"Estatic."

We leapt into action, just as the giant feline was getting up. The teal mare flashed a teal light then appeared I front of the manticore "Over here you waste of fur!" she jeered. The manticore roared in anger and attempted to swipe at her, only for her to dissappear in a flash of green light and reappear a few metres away with her tounge sticking out.
This pissed fluffy off something bad, prompting a number of leaps and lunges at the teal pony, all yielding the same result with her flashing in and out of existence, laughing hysterically and sending a barrage of taunts towards the overgrown house cat.

I, meanwhile had snuck up to the canopy and was positioning myself for an aerial strike on it's back. I figured if I dropped down from the trees, I'd be out of it's line of sight, therefore going unnoticed until I had a good grip on it's tail. I leapt from tree to tree, testing the strength of the branches and keeping an eye out for the sweet spot with the widest visual range. I finally found it and perched on it to steel myself in and prepare my attack. I knocked on the tree hard in a rhythmic pattern to attract the attention of the unicorn, who I had lost sight of for a brief moment. Shit! I scanned the shrubbery in search of my companion, for a sign that she was still well and the plan was a go.

It was a mistake.

I finally spotted her, still dodging the giant cat but sagging in exhaustion. Her eyes were almost glazed over and her breathing was deep and ragged. Her reaction time was slowing too, the cussing and taunting had all but ceased as the manticore continued it's pursuit relentlessly. Her luck finally ran out. At the last moment, a claw snagged her flank again, extracting a howl of pain from the wounded mare and she teleported again, reappearing wobbling in disorientation. I swear you could almost see the manticore smile as it turned and brought it's tail in a wide arc, catching her across the chest and leaving a horrific gash in it's wake. Venom spurted from the tip during it's attack, trailing across the wound then flying across the forest floor once it finished it's trail across the mare, just under her neckline. She was sent back a few yards, rolling and finally falling into a crumpled heap near a tree. The manticore slowly advanced, it had finally caught it's victim and was again savouring the moment before it would tear into it's new meal with gusto. The unicorn had now resigned herself into defeat, head down and tears trailing down her cheeks, awaiting the fate that had held her not five minutes ago.

I lost it again. Turning towards the front side of the branch, I aimed myself towards the Manticore's back. The beast had apparently forgotten about me in it's silent celebration for it's prey. I took this as an opportunity to strike, bend low, tighten my core muscles and leap directly at it. I twisted in midair, stretching one arm out and the other at my side for aero precision, locking the beast in my sights and stretching for it's tail which was twitching in anticipation.

I came into contact with the tail, swinging round and hitting the floor with a soft thud, sliding upon meeting the hard ground and bringing the tail along with me. I pirouetted as I slid, twisting the tail once, twice, three times to weaken the nerves and joints in the base of the tail, receiving an almighty howl of pain as a reward. At the end of my slide I planted one foot away from me in a grounded stance, my abdomens twisted in an an angle that had the hand holding the beast's tail facing the beast itself and the other, clenched and outstretched away from it. I reversed that, bringing my occupied arm round behind me in a massive tug, straining muscles and yelling to boost my power output and psyche. The tail came with my arm and twisted off the beast at the base, tendons ripping and skin splitting in a spiral motion, stretching and snapping sickeningly, accompanied by an even louder howl which was adorned with a dash of a whine.

The manticore reared back in pain, lost in the storm that was agony, riddling it's mind and rendering it immobile. I didn't hesitate as I brought the hulking appendage in a wide arc, once again slamming it against the beast's abdomen and sending it flying back towards the far side of the small clearing. The manticore probably couldn't focus at this point. It was writhing in pain beside a tree, not taking any notice as I slowly approached it with it's previous limb. The look in it's eyes was completely animalistic, instincts glowing from it's eyes, drowning all logical thought in a molten pool of burning pain. All traces of intelligence were gone, leaving only a broken animal with nothing left but it's last breaths. It knew this and I knew this, it wanted to die.

I brought the tail above my head, poised to bring it down one last time on the creature and end it's suffering and possibly the suffering of more potential prey for years to come. I finally bought it down swiftly, aiming the poison tip towards the temple I actually pierced the eye socket of the beast, bringing forth a sickening crunch, followed by a squelch and finally a dying gurgle as the manticore resigned itself into death's cold embrace.

My mind was blank for a time, noting only the steady flow of the mixture containing both blood and venom. Trailing slowly down the feline cheekbones of the creature in it's pitiful sta-

VENOM! SHIT!

I span quickly and ran over to the teal unicorn, who had not moved since being knocked down from the infernal tail that lay useless on the ground beside the corpse. I stooped low and raised her head to me, leaving the shoulders slumped so the venom couldn't enter her bloodstream too fast. "You took a nasty blow there hun, might wanna take a look at that once we get back to Ponyville." I smiled to her.

She gave a shaky giggle "Yep, can I have the Daring Doo bandage please? I think I earned it." aww this made was just too good to leave like this. She coughed violently and quivered in my arms, her eyes rolling slightly from the pain then partially focusing on me again.

"I think I deserve a nap after... that. Celestia I'm so sleepy..." her eyelids fluttered and her irises became blurry as they glazed over. This worried me greatly, shaking her sharply.

"No no! Come on now honey bun, you can't sleep yet. I didn't leap out those trees just for you to take a dirt nap. We're gonna get you back to Ponyville and gave a unicorn friend of mine fix you up. Just whatever you do, do NOT close those pretty eyes of yours." she giggled at me and nodded, her eyes still fighting open from the exhaustion that had turned to her, pulling her into the same realm as beastie. I grasped her forelegs and brought them up, taking her with them and depositing her in a bridal carry, making sure her head was nestled into my shoulder so it wouldn't loll over and cause her more pain. I quickly got to my feet and took off in the direction of Ponyville, skipping the pathway and continuing on through the shrubbery. I leapt over bushes and kicked off of trees to give me more momentum as I ran, determination and a drive to bring this mare back to safety fueling my every action, giving me energy which had no end, swirling inside me and exploding with fighting spirit. She was breathing deeply and shaking in my arms, heating up in order for her body to expel the poison. This only caused me to pick up the pace, setting off into an almighty barrel through the woods, kicking off tree after tree and sliding over growths which set to hinder my advance towards this unicorn's salvation.

Whilst I was running I noticed a small voice in my arms speak to me, squeaking and breaking with the exhaustion tugging at it's lips. "I never got your name hero."

I looked onwards, never slowing but gracing her words with the uttermost respect and surprise. I was no hero. Not if this was the result of my chivalrous actions. Yet I could not find the resolve to argue with her at a time like this so I answered with honesty "Woods, my name is Woods."

She smiled "Woods eh? Sounds about right. Kind and gentle, yet brutal and mysterious. Sometimes a little playful. The name fits you well, it's like you belong here in the forest, you have the same personality." that caught me off guard for a second but I just brushed it off. She was a mare on a thin thread yet she wasn't tiptoeing any more. She was stronger than I first made her out to be. My opinion of her only grew to the point where the determination to save her had grown to a casing inferno around my soul. It licked at my muscles, halting the ache of fatigue and granting me power to push forward for the last stretch to Ponyville. I glanced at her briefly and caught her tired smile, eyes resting on my face, probably trying to focus on something so she wouldn't slip into unconsciousness.

"By the way I didn't tell you my name." she smiled wider as she said those words, her eyes slowly but steadily falling till her eyes were just a slit, twitching to stay open but only in a struggle which proved futile. I looked to her for a moment, concern flooding my heart at her falling face, I simply nodded to her in anticipation, causing her to smile sleepily at me.

"My name is... Lyra Heartstrings." she whispered before her eyes closed and her head lolled back into unconsciousness.