hold on, I need to make a flow chart

by dafiltafish

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance
Length: 1787

When pinkie plays matchmaker, everypony gets tied to a chair.

After several months of sexual tension, AJ and RD hook up, AJ cheats on Dashie with Lyra while Lyra and Bon Bon are taking a "break", Dash goes to Big mac for revenge All the while everypony else bounces around until I forget who is getting married and who is ready to kill each-other.

As the solution to all of life's problems usually is, I'll trow a party to figure this out!

(The purpose of this story is to be an example of bad fanfiction)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-29 19:30:06 UTC

IT BEGINS!!

"..AND THEN SHE KICKED ME IN THE WING AND SAID WE WEREN'T GOING TO BE TOGETHER ANYMOOOORE!!!!" Rainbow dash cried into her bowl of icecream as I cleaned up the kitchen from a little cooking explosion. Listening to her cry and eat and cry and eat was getting hard to listen to. I mean, it was almost 11:00 and she hadn't gone home.

"Maybe if we talked to her we could figure something out?"

"WE CAN'T!! She dumped me for that weird *sniff* teal unicorn"

"Lyra?" i guessed as she nodded and began sobbing, this time with her head in the bowl of icecream soup.

This made me think, if I could get those two apart and put dashie and AJ back together, everything would be simple again and everypony would be happy.

After Dash started gurgling I had realized there was no air in icecream, and I rushed over to her and pulled the brown-faced pegasus out from certain death. Coughing, she thanked me through chocolate tears and asked to use the shower.

"it's down the hall, 3rd door on the left"

For some reason this made her break down again, as i shoved her blue butt up the stairs. I threw open the door, sat her in the tub, and watched as the tears kept coming.

"Dash... please stop."

either she didn't hear me or didn't care, as she kept going.

Reaching my front hooves to the detachable head and turning up the temperature, I sprayed her right in the ice cream covered nose.

Leaving the still sniffling rainbow dash to her shower, I went downstairs to start planning my party.

****

*knocking*

"Hello, is anybody there?" I said to the door of Lyra.

As it swung open, a cream colored earth pony came stumbling out.

*GASP* "pINKIE?! *hic* WhAt are you *hic* doing hEre?"

"I'm planning a party for... just you... yeah, that's it..." Bon Bon never gets this hammered unless she's putting up with Lyra's antics.

"Oh! cool! hEy, IS it okAy if I bRing somepony?"

"sure, I don't see why not."

"HONEY, gET TO tHe DOor!!"

suddenly, it all made sense, the wine in bon bon's hoof, the smell of fruit emanating from her extremely matted and dirty fur... Berry pun...

"HELOOO, if it isntmyfavoritepartypony!" the deep magenta mare yelled into my agape mouth before sticking her tongue out in an attempt to french me.

"What are you doing here? i mean, what happened to that 'open relationship' between you, cheerilee, and big mac?"

"My sister got jealous and banned me from seeing him, just as well, I like soft, warm, mares sooooo much better. especially pink ones~"

I looked toward Bon Bon who had passed out on the floor before talking to Berry again "wanna come to a party I'm throwing?" this might work out after all.

****

"So, you are telling me that you are having a party with a bunch of other couples in town? like a dance?"

"that is exactly what I am planning, it will be a way to get closer to those you love." I lied, albeit horribly.

"mmmmmmmmm deal!, SMOOPTIDOO! I HAVE SOMETHING FOR US TO DO ON FRIDAY!!" Cheerilee ran upstairs leaving the door wide open, if I were a lesser pony I would raid the fridge, but seeing as I am such a good friend to everypony I will only steal 15 apples and a gallon of milk as i run out the door hopping no one sees me.

I had several more invitations to send out and I needed to be on my A-game.

**several hours later**

"...and that's why I broke up with Rainbow Dash" Applejack finished her epic tale of pirates, nose goblins, and angry future in-laws.

"Oh, okay. Before I forget, here's an invitation to a party I'm planning, it is sort of a classy one so do act as a proper lady."

"Anythin I need to bring?"

"Just yourself and a date"

"Uh, okay... I'll see ya then... say pinkie, are you any good with relationship advise?"

Although I could totally hear her at the tree line, I kept running, The party needed to be set up and ready to go in just a little over 3 hours.

****

Cake- check

Fine selection of ciders and wines- check

Over the top decor- check

A way to detain unruly guests- check

It was all set and I still had 10 minutes before the doors opened.

"Hey Vinyl could you play something tasteful?"

Silence

"Vinyl?"

The turn table was empty. as I searched through my brain to find an explanation, i looked over at my manifest of names... Vinyl and Octavia... how did I, the best party planner to ever live forget them. Anathema I say!! After pacing for a couple minutes, I decided to just hook a jukebox up to the speakers, it would be easier on everyone.

Halfway through setting up my new system, i heard a knock at the door. who shows up this early for a party? slowly twisting the handle and opening the door, a purple face looked back at me, and it was not happy.

"Hi twilight, whatsup?"

she silently walked into the room, glaring at me as she did so.

"why was I not invited?"

"Because silly, you aren't on this party's agenda"

"which is..."

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone who comes in tonight."

"Okay... what are you really doing?"

"I, Pinkie, am trying to get rainbow dash and AJ back together"

"That still doesn't explain why I need a date"

I sighed "fine, I can be your date if it really means that much"

Twilight squeed and ran out the door, and after a burst of teleport light and another unknown red blast, she returned.

She was amazing.

she wore a tight black dress with an exposed back. the the fabric stopped just above her tail leaving her cutie mark half exposed. she also had eye-liner and deep purple lipstick on and... she died out the stripes in her mane and tail.

I noticed my mouth was hanging open and i was drooling, who was this amazing mare and what had she done with twilight. Her expression went from happy to freaked out just as somepony knocked.

****

No one was dancing.

No one was happy.

There were just awkward stares and murmuring between the many clusters of ponies in the room.

The last knock of the night arrived, twilight swung the door open to reveal Rainbow Dash, with her date... Big Mac... uh oh.

"come on honey, lets go and mingle" dash choked as she shoved her way into the party.

"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S SUN ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BROTHER?!?!"

"Me? I am just here to have a little fun, is that a crime?"

"Depending on the kind of fun, yes!"

"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT, AJ?!"

"YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL ME THAT ANYMORE!!"

Dash took a step back as she noticed the crowd watching, somewhere far away she could feel the hurtful words of 3 stallions chanting a butchered version of her name as she tried to fly away. I am not a mind reader, I have just seen that expression before. In the heat of Applejack's anger and Dashie's fear, a dark pink blur burst through the door and eyed big mac.

"You, outside, now." the schoolteacher sternly said as the red stallion slowly walked out, mouthing 'sorry' to Dash.

I looked at Twilight's pretty face, nodded, left in front of the blue pegasus as she got in front of the enraged Applejack.

"Pinkie, tell them what this is about!"

"fine. You are all here, except Twilight, to fix your relationship issues"

The crowd started the get louder at this news before somepony started shouting expletives.

"NOW VINYL!!"

Within a few seconds, everyone was in cuffs and tethered to a piece of sugarcube corner.

"NOW! HERE IS HOW IT'S GOING TO WORK, EACH ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO STATE YOUR CASE TO TWILIGHT, VINYL, OCTAVIA, AND I AND WE WILL TRY TO MAKE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR TO EVERYPONY WHO IS DATING WHO SO NOPONY ELSE GETS HURT!"

Vinyl wheeled out a whiteboard as Octavia re-arranged some chairs.

"Pinkie, what is going on?"

"sorry for not telling you, Twilight, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings"

"Oh, Pinkie, thank you for thinking of me... I have a confession of my own."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I came down here to ask if you had a date, it turned into 'why wasn't I invited' about halfway between the library and sugarcube corner"

"So... does this mean you like me too?"

"..."

"OH JUST KISS ALREADY!!" shouted Vinyl from a beanbag chair.

Not thinking, I Frenched Twilight in front of everyone. For a moment she was surprised, but after a couple seconds her tounge forced it way into my mouth and the longest most passionate kiss I have ever had began. It was about when I heard a tapping hoof that I looked up and broke the kiss, smeared lipstick all over my mouth.

"ahem... sorry about that! Let's begin."

I started by writing "Twilight and Pinkie" on the board, followed by the musicians, and then the ponies fighting outside, which was followed by a question mark after the streetlight fell over.

**3 hours later**

"...So, now that Bon Bon and Lyra are no longer fighting and Berry isn't hitting on me anymore..." the mare frowned as she took another swig of cider "... We can get to the root of this little issue. Dash and Applejack."

Vinyl stood up "now, how does a 28 month relationship get destroyed so quickly?" she was addressing dash.

"Because I wasn't paying attention to applejack's needs"

Vinyl looked at applejack

"Because I cheated on Dash."

I stood up "I love both of you guys, but you both need to respect each other, there will be rough patches, but you have to learn to work through them, not call it quits and take revenge."

The two looked at each other, as if they each wanted to say something, before hugging. Tears came next, followed by a thousand 'I'm sorrys'.

It looked to be that they were going to be alright after all.

Vinyl broke the silence as she turned around and said quite proudly "that is the best relationship chart I've ever seen".

I looked at her with confusion.

"ship everything with dash" she whispered before Octavia literally dragged her out the door.

Most of the guests had left, and as soon as dash and aj were gone twilight came up to me and kissed me again.

"let's do this again sometime."