My Journey in Equestria.

by Higherbeach

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1129

The completely non-average journey of a completely average brony in the land of Equestria.

So, like, I decided to go, like, think, now I gotta save some sexy pone's from destruction. Thank goodness they are actually really hot to me.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-27 01:07:04 UTC

Totally, awesome.

I am a your average, two-hundred pounds of muscle brony with average, perfectly flowing golden locks of glory, and like, average, blue eyes that averagely showed my inner turmoil of being so averagely perfect. I often went to a secluded cliff and watched over my city that has given me plenty of awards for being smart, funny, beautiful, kind, generous, friendly, a hero of justice, paramedic, miracle worker, gamer, card player, piano player, musical lover, musical composer, Adonis, actor, singer, dancer, football player, American Football player since I might live in America but I am culturally sensitive, knight of the Queen of England, billionaire, ice cream maker, and comedian. The list goes on longer, but I am also very, very humble. Far too humble to pile on my thousands of thousands of other achievements right now.

Anyway, I was totally brooding over my terrible life while bench pressing a golden model of my totally dead mother, when suddenly, like, I totally slipped and fell to my death, ironically under the golden model of my totally dead sister, who I totally did not bang, and was totally named something awesome, but can't remember as the statue of my father totally killed me. Everything went black, and a voice was like, 'Totally, yeah, go save these gals.'

So, I wake up, like, naked, in a white bed, surrounded by the most adorable, if oddly sexual creatures that looked like ponies. I decided to, like, be a perfect envoy for the human race, and do things right. I totally told them  who I was, and like, said hi and stuff. And if any of them tell you I screamed like a little girl for a few hours, they are like, totally bogus! Then, I- edited for overuse of the word 'like'. You may thank me later- totally went and walked up to their princesses, who totally told me I was their savior. Come from another world to save them from a new evil that totally was bad.

I agreed, and they began to comment how it was odd that I walked on two of my three legs, then I told them how that was really my small, twenty-seven inch penis, and they- The word 'totally' is now being destroyed- looked on in awe, and got completely wet. It was awesome, but got quite smelly after the twenty-seven hour orgy of sex that followed. I liked taking all the maids/guards/princesses virginities, but I had a job to do!

I walked to the train station, trying not to knock over ponies with my average dick that I am so embarrassed about, and run into a white one with purple hair. She introduced herself as 'Twilight Velvet'. After fucking her for a while, her husband never satisfying her, I finally got to the train station. I got a free ride after another large reverse-gang bang of all the passengers, especially that beautiful one called 'Fleur-de-lis'. I think I spent an extra two loads into her for a total of twenty. I never pass my abysmal 18. I know, pathetically few, but I am a man of many faults. Then, I reached a town called 'Ponyville' under attack from what looked like a centaur.

It kept screaming about revenge, so I ran up and kicked it in the knee. It shrieked in pain and apologized for being evil. Then, it granted me wizard powers to not kill it. I turned it into a newt and it left. I was then covered in mares, and apparently a few stallions as they hugged me in thanks. Apparently, I was part of some prophecy some lady pone named 'Twilight Sparkle' uncovered. I met said mare and her friends, all very gorgeous and hitting on me, and we talked about this prophecy. Apparently, I was supposed to wizard things and stop this ancient evil that wanted to rape the pone's for all of time. I felt angry at this.

I told them I would do everything for such cute ponies, then we had an orgy. Sadly, the purple one, Twilight, did not join. She was betrothed to somepony named 'Prince Blueblood' and could not give away her virginity. It was sad to watch her have to hoof herself off as we fucked, but at least Rarity's admirer, Spike, was totally cool with me banging Rarity. I think she decided to marry him for it. After the giant orgy, we all went to sleep.

The next day, this Discord guy came up to me, saying he would give me the knowledge to go with my wizard powers if I could beat him in a game of wits with his rules. I did so easily because, like, good guys always win. He was saddened, and a bit pissed, but he kept his words and I got the knowledge to use my magic, and realized I knew it the entire time. I was average though, and had only happened to read four hundred books on the subject matter, so how I knew them was impossible to figure out. After that, nothing happened for two weeks. I learned with Twilight about their world, and found out that her marriage was not of love, but convenience. I was upset, but there was nothing I could do.

Then, a shadow appeared and was like 'fuck you bro' and took Twilight. I was scared, and found out the princesses were defeated by Blueblood, and he was going to forcefully take Twilight. I was, totally enraged by this. Quickly I summoned my magic and teleported to Canterlot. It seemed amazing that the being that flew had not only beaten me here, he had done so by several days, though she was kidnapped a few seconds before I teleported. Because average.

Then, I noticed the shadow taking orders from Blueblood, currently trying to convince Twilight to accept his proposal, which actually sounded like a good deal honestly, but it was from what I now deemed the villain and that just won't do! I quickly rushed in and transcended to my final form of super-saiyan-alicorn-draconeques-demi-god-all-father-king-rambo-mega-super-ultra-ozaru 3 and proceeded to shout his face off, then kicked his ass through his head. Twilight and the victims I never noticed tied up in the room stared on in shock. I told them he was evil and that this was only right, and they quickly agreed. Then we had a giant orgy and I married Twilight Sparkle, Celestia, and Luna. They are mine. Also, I married the other element holders, Cadance, because Shining agreed it was better, and a few other pones that looked cute enough. I then also summoned my powers one last time and became a simple, plain, boring alicorn to imrpgnate my small herd of 100+ females.

The End.