Pilot Chapter - King Among Beggars
"I swear, your honour, I'm almost definitely innocent, except for that one time I tried to enslave my own Empire and hide it away for one thousand years... oh, and that time I invented income tax and double parking."
"Sombra?" Somepony at the door to the rather grand guest room that was otherwise serving as his jail cell called out his name. "Sorry I let myself in, but I didn't think you heard me knocking over, er, whatever it is you're doing...?" said the proud form of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Cadence to her friends, or her royal highness the 'Rainbow-Whooping-Pink-Pony-Princess-of-Doom' to her enemies. Also probably the only jail warden in the universe to apologize for letting herself into her charge's cell. "What are you doing anyway?" She asked in confusion as she walked up behind the dark figure sitting hunched over the writing desk.
"Aha, your pinkness; I'm going through a tactical simulation of how I think my trial will go." Her prisoner said, gesturing imperiously with a sweep of one hoof at the miniature courtroom he had set up atop his desk. "Judge toilet brush here was just trying to decide whether to banish me to Tartarus or Salt Lick City." He pointed at the tall, proud implement of crud-swatting justice presiding over the whole affair. "The toilet paper jury are trying to tally the bribes." He waved dismissively at the spineless wishy washy flank-wipes. "The prosecutor, prince Shining Prick-More..." He gestured at a rather dry and spiny potted cactus. "Ah, I mean, that was not necessarily a slight at the size of your husband's, well, uh, ooops." He grimaced uncomfortably, quickly realizing that prisoner rights may only go so far in preserving his neck before a living breathing goddess.
The ever-so-charming princess Cadence only giggled at his obvious slight at her husband. "Oh, go on, what's little Prick-More doing this time?" She asked with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.
Her prisoner cleared his throat carefully before continuing. "Well, uh, he's about to throw out his first allegation like a javelin, the allegation being the prime witness Princess Cocktail." He pointed at the dainty little cocktail umbrella perched atop the cactus. "And here's the defense attorney, Wet-Sponge, sweating his pores out at the tip of the javelin." He sneered at the useless-looking sponge. "And, lastly, the poor, innocent, misunderstood and rather dashing defendant, myself." He finished, cocking an eyebrow at the mirror on the wall. A tall, dark-maned handsome rogue of a stallion smirked back at him, winking his approval at the prisoner's display of daring good looks in the face of certain doom.
The princess seemed to approve too, judging by her polite giggling. "I can see you're doing quite fine then, but just in case, how are you, Sombra?" She finally asked, having had her fill of laughter.
"Oh, just had the most diabolical bowel motion I've had in one thousand years. Trust me, I know. In other words, I'm feeling absolutely grand, your princessness." Sombra replied airily, finally getting off his chair to turn to face the princess. "Don't want to soil my flanks in front of the jury. There's no defending that."
"I wish the nobles would learn to do that before court." The princess sighed.
"Not enough laxatives in all of Equestria I'm afraid, princess." Sombra took the small-talk in stride. "Even that much will only result in more fluid verbal diarrhea."
"Oh, my, they would have your head for that, I'm sure." The princess said through another fit of giggles.
"What are we waiting for then, princess?" Sombra finally broke out the big question. "Still looking for a guillotine big enough for my massive head? Or a dungeon big enough for my ego? Why am I not counting the bricks in Tartarus as Cerberus' chew toy in the mean time? Do I not fulfill the evil height limit for my ride to the Moon? Should I go steal some sugared roses from some foals somewhere to make up for it?" He demanded, giving her a long hard look.
"Sombra, we've been having these daily talks for the past six months. Couldn't you pretend today was just another one of those days and just humour me a while?" The Princess sighed.
"That's exactly it, your loveness. It has been six months now, six months that I've just sat here in your guest room." He pointed out, irritably. "Do you know how many complimentary pillow chocolates I've hoarded in that time? Enough to feed my new army of chocolate-brainwashed foals, that's how much. You need to tell me, when are you strapping me to that one-way rocket to the moon?"
The princess could only sigh with a shake of her head, allowing her long lustrous mane to gleam in the waning moonlight. "You should know by now why we've been having these talks, Sombra. You designed both the Crystal Heart and the Elements of Harmony. You know how they both work better than anypony."
"You think the Crystal Heart has turned the tyrannical evil overlord King Sombra into a pink-loving rainbow-hugging unicorn king of friendship and you've wasted six whole months talking to an egotistical maniac trying to figure out whether or not this is the case instead of just trap-dooring him straight into Tartarus." The pink-loving rainbow-hugging unicorn king of friendship summed up neatly.
“That sounds about right, give or take a few days of just hiding away from the nobles.” The princess said, thoughtfully. "I've read your research notes. The Crystal Heart cannot destroy, only purify all darkness. That you are still here proves that there was good left in y-..."
"So you shot the evil overlord with your pink love beam, peeling away all the evil bits. What are you left with? A 'not-evil' overlord?" Sombra interrupted bitterly, pacing about her. "While I would argue there's not enough toilet paper in the universe to wipe this glorious flank clean, I agree with you that’s what the Crystal Heart is supposed to do; Erase all darkness. But that’s all it does. It does not guarantee that what is pooped out the other end is ‘good’. In short, you’re wasting your time, your pinkness. What you have before you here could just be, well, nothing." He huffed, turning away to face a mirror. The familiar dark form of evil King Sombra scowled back at him.
"The fact is, you are here. You exist. And I trust in the Crystal Heart. If I cannot trust in the ultimate crystallization of Love that drives our Empire, what can I trust, Sombra?" The princess demanded.
"Lawyers and life insurance." Sombra shrugged, indifferently. "You said it yourself, I created the Crystal Heart, your loveness. You trust in my invention?"
"Yes, I do. Tell me, Sombra, what's stopping you from building your chocolate-brainwashed foal army?" The princess asked.
"I...." Sombra stopped mid-sentence, mouth wide open. "I...am just not feeling the foal-army groove right now, that's all." He huffed, turning away. "Gimme another one thousand years and a little more chocolate. We'll get there eventually."
"Exactly my point. You no longer possess evil intentions." The princess pointed out. Seeing his unconvinced look she sighed, giving him a sad little smile. "Sombra, you used to be a hero, a beloved King. Despite being weak at magic you more than made up for it by developing your own brand of crystal magic and using it to become the finest inventor, dressmaker and armourer in the history of Equestria. Your combat dresses saved us during the Gryphon and Draconic wars. The most legendary of them, the Elements of Harmony and the Rainbow Armour, have saved Equestria from near disaster numerous times. Not to mention most of Equestrian civilization is built on your inventions. You invented the Crystal Heart for Starswirl's sake. And the flushable toilet."
"Nothing more than stolen changeling love technology. The Crystal Heart that is, not the flushable toilet." He shrugged. "Anyway, you completely avoided mentioning my masterpieces."
"Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about. Unless it's the toaster? Or the Instant-Friendship-Kingdom-in-a-box?" Cadence asked, tapping a hoof on her chin. "Or that little rubber thing everypony uses for..."
"No, no, not that." Sombra quickly raised a hoof at the mention of his greatest invention. Shaking off his blush he quickly ploughed on, "You know what I'm talking about. My most powerful dresses, the Nightmare Armour and the Shadow Armour."
Cadence remained silent at the mention of the former King's two greatest abominations of dress-making. "I've spent a lot of time catching up on current affairs." Sombra nodded at the piles of history books that made up his third and fourth night stands. To him 'current affairs' was measured in centuries. "Tell me, your pinkness; did Luna put on my Nightmare Armour?"
"Sombra, that wasn't your..." Cadence began.
"Your highness." He interrupted her again. "Did Luna put on my Nightmare Armour?" He asked, impatiently.
Cadence could only shake her head as she let out yet another little sigh. "Yes, Sombra. She did. She found it in your laboratory not long after her battle against you. With it she became Nightmare Moon."
There was a whomp as Sombra attempted to dig a hole through the wall with his face. "Ugh, called it." He groaned into the crystalwork.
"Sombra, you only wanted to help Luna. I read all your research notes." Cadence said, patiently. "The armour was meant to draw out all the dormant parts of Luna, to help her match her sister, to build her confidence as a princess. It was not your fault that she had, well, certain things suppressed deep down." She went on, with a hint of sadness. "And while we're on the subject, I also read that the prototype, your Shadow Armour, was supposed to achieve the same goal. We never really recovered that prototype from the ruins of your laboratory." She suddenly narrowed her eyes on Sombra. The former king shrunk a little uncomfortably under her fierce gaze. "Tell me, Sombra, did you put on the Shadow Armour?" Noticing him look away uncomfortably she gave a little triumphant smirk, "Ahah, so, it was the Shadow Armour that turned you."
"I was only trying it on for size." Sombra sniffed dismissively, shaking his head free of the wall, "The only side effect was the evil wavy green eyelashes shedding everywhere, I assure you. Everything else, including the world domination and the cookie jar thing, that was all me."
"Well, whatever it was, I'm certain the Crystal Heart has dispelled it." Cadence said with a knowing grin. "I have faith in it, the same way I have faith the in the stallion you were before you put on that armour."
"Nothing remains of him. And I'm not just being melodramatic." Sombra said, "I don't do melodramatic, at least not outside the shower. I'm saying I have all his knowledge, even his crazy ideas, including one about making ships to sail the stars and writing stories about other people's stories. It's all insane. But I don't have any of his memories or the motivations behind those ideas.” He huffed. “Wish I could say the same about that grinning idiot with his epic hard-on for turning the world into his own dark crystal disco ball. As my amazing luck would have it, in his case I do remember everything he, I, did. And thanks to him I've got the 'My Little Anarchist's Cookbook' memorized inside out. I just don't know why I'd want to know twenty different ways to stuff whoopee cushions full of fireworks." Sombra thought out loud, for his own understanding as much as the princess'. "In short, I’ve got their knowledge and the nutcase’s memories. I just don't understand 'why' anymore. I don't even know why you consider one good and the other evil, if that even makes sense."
"Then the Shadow Armour must have removed all that was good about you while the Crystal Heart removed all the evil." Cadence surmised, tapping a hoof on her chin thoughtfully. “Quite literally, including your very understanding of good and evil.”
"As I said, what do you get when you remove the evil from an evil overlord?" The not-evil overlord shrugged. "I think you have your answer standing right before you.” He gestured at himself. “Nothing."
"And yet you feel bad about what happened to Luna." Cadence pointed out, carefully. Her words felt like the glare of a cockatrice. His expression must have given something away as she went on, "You feel regret. That implies you've regained your conscience." She said, pacing around her prisoner slowly. "And judging by your words, you also feel regret for what you did to your Empire." Sombra could only curse his traitorous facial muscles. "And a conscience is the beginning of 'good'." She finished with a knowing smirk.
"What? You think you can reform me now? Teach me to be a good pony?" Sombra raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Oh, no, that's the sort of thing Celestia would do. Me? I'm going to give you your trial." She said, simply.
"Wait, what, today?" Her prisoner blinked, completely struck off balance. So much so in fact that he fell over onto his haunches. "J-Just like that?"
"Yes. Haven’t you been running tactical simulations for this day? Come, stand tall for your trial, Sombra." Princess Cadence stepped up and offered him a hoof.
"W-What do I do with that?" Sombra asked, eyeing the hoof suspiciously as if it was about to sprout rainbow tentacles at him.
"You take it so I can help you back onto your hooves." Cadence said, patiently.
Sombra blinked as he tried to wrap his mind around this seemingly alien concept. Then, as if giving in to his curiosity, he wrapped his hooves around it too.
"Up you come." Cadence said, showing off the surprising strength of alicorns as she pulled Sombra onto his hooves with the ease of plucking a cherry. "Wasn't so bad, was it?"
Sombra looked between Cadence’s hoof and his own, seemingly dumbfounded. “What did you gain from that?” He finally asked with a frown. “I have no magic to sap, nothing to take.”
“Oh, Sombra.” To his chagrin, the alicorn princess simply broke into a fit of giggles. “Sorry, I did not mean to laugh at you. No, I don’t have to gain anything, at least nothing more than a little happiness.”
“Happiness?” Sombra demanded, now completely befuddled.
“Oh yes. But more importantly, did you not gain something from it?” Cadence cocked a playful eyebrow.
“I got off the ground.” Sombra noted. Several seconds passed as he stared at her face. “And that made you... happy? What nonsense is this? Are you trying to confuzzle me before my trial?” He demanded, anxiously.
“Haha, good point. Let us carry on with your trial before I ‘confuzzle’ you any further!” Cadence said, clearing her throat theatrically. “I hereby declare this court, in session!” She said as she made her way towards a nearby couch.
“Wait, what, now?” Sombra blinked. “Right here, right now?”
"Putting a pony without a conscience on trial is like playing the cello to a deaf audience." Cadence said, simply. Her lips suddenly curled maliciously. "There is nothing worth punishing more than a guilty conscience." She said, hopping up onto a couch, straightening herself up to her full impressive alicorn height. Sombra gulped perceptibly. He could almost imagine her licking her lips with relish. Suddenly it became apparent to him why this pony is an alicorn princess, the new ruler of his Empire.
"Sombra, with the power vested in me as an Alicorn ruler of Equestria, I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, hereby declare you….” She paused to eye Sombra, eyes dancing with mischief, “...absolved of all your crimes." She said, levelly, almost flooring Sombra once more with surprise. "You are now no longer under house arrest and are free to go where you please on the one simple condition that you keep your identity and past a closely-guarded secret." She finished, a little smile playing across her lips once more.
"That's it?" He blinked, eyeing her warily for all of a minute, trying his best to see through that mask-like smirk, to peer through the ruse that must be hiding underneath. "You are...a cruel ruler, your highness." He finally sighed.
"Whatever could you mean, Sombra? Most ponies do not receive a last meal, let alone a get-out-of-jail free card, after what you had done." She pointed out, innocently, eyes narrowing surreptitiously.
"Most ponies are not immortal. Neither do most ponies suddenly regain their conscience after years of cruelty." Sombra reasoned. "You waited until you were sure I had regained my conscience before letting me go free. Living with myself for all eternity; that's my real sentence, isn't it?" Truly the cruelest of punishments, giving him back his nagging wife of a conscience, then making him live with it to the end of time. Playing fetch with Cerberus as the stick for the rest of eternity was a walk in the park in comparison.
"Put it this way, Sombra." Cadence said, her smirk suddenly softening into a soft, warm expression. "When you finally forgive yourself, that is when your sentence ends."
Her defendant was silent for all of a minute. He licked his lips, as if unsure of what to say. He finally sighed, shaking his head in defeat. "You'll...make a formidable ruler for this Empire." He conceded, stiffly.
"I have a lot to live up to." She gave him a charming little wink. "This is just my suggestion to a free stallion; take it how you will. I think your freedom is best spent going out and seeing the Equestria we've built on all your inventions. Along the way, you may hopefully come to regain whatever it was you lost to the Shadow Armour."
Sombra peered out the wall-length crystal window at the world outside, at the sun cresting over the sparkling Crystal Mountains to the east. One thousand years had passed. Surely it was a whole different world out there now. Feeling something he didn't even know he had within him come alive with an unmistakable yearning to go see that world for himself, he allowed himself the sudden crazy whim. He gave a little nod at the princess. "Yes, that is an acceptable suggestion." He cocked a suspicious eyebrow at Cadence. "And you expect me to believe that you're going to let the greatest evil to ever piddle in Celestia's garden go free just like that?"
"As I said, I have faith." Cadence gave him an airy shrug. "Failing that, while I have no lawyers, I do have, well, insurance." She gave him a mysterious little smile.
"Uh huh." Sombra gulped imperceptibly. From what he had personally experienced so far, the pink pony princess of doom was certainly not a force to be trifled with, much less one to question. "Well! On that note, no time like the present." He nodded to himself, making to leave.
"Glad to hear it. There's a pegasus chariot waiting outside to take you wherever you wish." Cadence said, gesturing at the door with teeth brightly showing.
"Not in any hurry to get rid of me, then?" The suddenly free stallion raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, I'll miss the entertainment, I assure you." She gave him a wink. "In fact, I would miss it so much I simply must trouble you with a favour. I would like you to write to me at least once every two weeks, telling me of whatever 'good' you regain. Consider this one a personal request from myself." She said with a beseeching grin.
"Hah, really?" Sombra couldn't help but chuckle at the princess' request. It was after all an ancient tradition between alicorn masters and their apprentices who embark on learning expeditions. "What, you want to have the great and terrible King Sombra as your personal student now? What am I student of? Friendship? Love? Glitter? Sprinkles? Rainbows?"
"Oh, no, no, nothing like that." She joined in his chuckle. "All I have for entertainment here is my weekly poker games with my guards. Consider it a little contribution to my general sanity." She put her hooves together as she gave him a pleading smile. "Please, Sombra? See, I'm even using the magic word."
"The magic word, huh? Fine, can't say no to the pretty ones." He sighed, giving in to her puppy-dog eyes. "I suppose I should get going now while the day's young." He had nothing to pack, no baggage to bring, emotional or otherwise. Might as well seize the day, or so he thought. "See you in another thousand years, your pinkness. Take good care of my Empire." He said as he stepped out of the room that had been his jail cell for the past six months.
"I will. Farewell, Sombra." Cadence nodded back at him with her ever-present look of amusement. "Good luck."
"Uh, by the way..." He paused to poke his head back through the door. "Which way's out?"
Cadence could only roll her eyes incredulously. "Really, Sombra? Didn't you build this place?"
Five Months Later
Manehattan is truly the city that never sleeps. Celestia's day and Luna's night hold no sway here. Towers of concrete and glass blotted out the day, lights brighter than the sun lit up the night. In this city, time is measured mostly by deadlines and payslips, occasionally punctuated by the shrill cry of the alarm clock. Sombra's earned itself a hoof to the face for its troubles, adding yet another dent to its collection. Still, like all of his loyal minions it selflessly did its duty at the risk of life and limb. It succeeded too; it woke him up.
His demonic altar of doom gave a creak of protest, a few old springs clicking out of place, as he rose up to rejoin the living. With a yawn, he slid his patchwork curtains open with a little tug of magic to survey his new domain outside his evil lair. He was greeted by the sight of an earth pony mare in a window just inches away opposite his, peering through a brass telescope straight back at him. A few months ago, he probably would have entombed her in crystal for spying on him. But being a well-adjusted member of society, he was perfectly capable of identifying innocent bird watchers when he saw them. In fact, it was the subject of one of his first letters to the princess since arriving in Manehattan.
'Perfect victi-, er, opportunity to practice my smile! Corners up high, flash them pearly whites,' He reminded himself, curling his lips up into something less like a smile and more like the hungry jaws of a prowling hydra. "Good morning, neighbour Star Struck!" He greeted his window-neighbour and self-proclaimed 'birdwatcher'. "Found any, uh, nice-looking birds this morning?" Satisfied that she wasn't, at least, running for the bomb shelters at his attempt to smile, he made a daring charge at small talk.
"Yeah. This, um, really hot manticore!" The slate gray mare nodded back energetically, almost leaning out of her window in her enthusiasm. "You should see its bed-hair." She gave a low whistle. "One for the album, I think."
"In the city?" Sombra blinked. He was no ornithologist but he had a sneaking suspicion that wasn't quite a bird.
"Hey, it's Manehattan." She said, simply, tongue sticking out of a corner of her mouth as she tilted her head to one side as if to get a better look at.. .whatever it was she was peering at, which was certainly not his room and everything in it.
"Very good. Have a nice, uh, Monday, neighbour Star Struck." Sombra nodded, satisfied that his valiant attempt at small talk has at least earned him some valuable ornithological information. Some deep-seated survival instinct told him a tactical retreat deeper into his lair was in order while he was still ahead.
"Toodles!" Star Struck called back after him as he stepped out into his overlord throne room otherwise known as the kitchen-cum-dining-living-everything-room. It was a simple but easily defensible fortress with its solid—if rather worn—sofa and wide, well-lit windows should he ever need a quick escape. As he pulled out his choice of battle rations for the morning, 'EverGlaze™' sugared hay flakes, he couldn't help but think on Star Struck's words: 'Hey, it's Manehattan.’ To an absurd extent, Star Struck had a point. Manehattan, the rather obese apple, attracts anything and everything under Celestia's sun and all the darker things under Luna's moon.
Hay, it even drew him in, though not by choice. Contrary to what one would expect, it's actually more difficult for a shady stranger with a skill set consisting of knowing ten different ways to end the world to get a job out in the tighter-knit rural towns. Manehattan, on the other hand, is surprisingly much less complicated. There's just money and a lack of it, and all the flow in between.
He eyed the armour he would wear into battle that day, the McTrotnald's uniform hanging from a hanger in a corner. Its eye-popping red was surely dyed by the blood of foes and allies alike. Its painfully cheerful yellow stripes were already fading, definitely a testament to many past battles. It had been his for only three days thus far, courtesy of his latest attempt at holding down a job, but he was already in danger of losing it. They could excuse him not knowing the difference between McTrotnalds and EverBurger™ Princess but they could not forgive his inability to smile.
He gave the mirror across from the dining table an experimental quirk of his mouth. It cracked in reply, adding another splinter to its formidable collection. "Still got it." He gave himself a nod of approval as he busied himself with his cereal.
His train of thought was pleasantly interrupted by a little clunk on his cereal bowl. "Ahah, another minion joins my army of pawns!" He declared triumphantly, lifting the not-surprise toy that had fallen out of the cereal box and allowing its marshmallowy flanks to bask in the morning sun. It was yet another little white figurine of one of the Equestrian heroes, the Element of Gerontology? Gynecology? Whatsherface, Clarity? Glittery? Something like that. Sombra could swear she's the only one they put in these boxes. She's all he ever gets. He floated her over to join her sisters-in-arms in his clone army on his dresser. To his annoyance, however, his magic flickered away into nothingness mid-way, letting his new recruit freefall to dig her own grave in the carpet with her face. He narrowed his eyes on the tip of his horn as it frizzled apologetically at him. Some things never change.
Pajamas thrown aside and bright red McTrotnalds uniform donned, he sallied forth from his evil lair to face the nemesis sieging his Kingdom - Monday. As he made his way out to seize the day, he paused to address his Kingdom's neighbouring sovereign, Octavia. He found her standing at the door to her apartment down the corridor. She was, in a way, his favourite target dummy for his valiant forays into verbal jousting, what with she being practically a standing target.
"Hello neighbour Octavia. You're, uh, doing yoga with the door open again?" He asked her in way of morning pleasantries. Completely smooth, completely un-awkward. Just like he practiced.
"Keeps the chi flowing, keeps the feng shui fresh." Octavia gave a little nod, long silky black trestles waving to every little motion.
"Right, so, what position is it today?" He asked. To the untrained eye, all her yoga positions looked exactly the same; just her standing idly at the door, staring at him with her half-lidded violet eyes. But not to the well-adjusted and up-to-date Sombra, nosiree. He was sure it was something new today.
"Mare worshipping Love." She replied, simply. He allowed himself a mental hoof-pump.
"So, how is it different from yesterday's 'Salutations to Dreaminess'?" He asked, curious to learn more about his neighbours and their modern ways.
"Subtle differences. Keeps things fresh, interesting, flexible. Want to see how flexible?" She asked, deadpan expression staring at him with all the ferocity of a brick wall.
"Hmmm, as tempting as your proposition is, I must be at work at 7 AM sharp." He said, flashing her yet another one of his experimental smiles before beating yet another hasty retreat. "See you later, neighbour Octavia."
"See you." He could actually feel her gaze follow him all the way down the corridor. It was only when he rounded the corner onto the stairs that he heard her door close. Coincidence?
Yeah, definitely.
Surfing the waves of morning commuters in Manehattan is a hard-won skill forged through blood, tears and pant-pissing. Only the most battle-hardened warriors with balls of steel and watertight pants can hope to survive not only the jostling press of equine bodies but also the sudden flash mobs breaking into song everywhere. He narrowly dodged one that suddenly began singing "Oh Manehattan, what you do to me! Such a big bustling community!".
He did not, however, manage to dodge what came next. "Shadow! Hey, Sombre Shadow!" A grating voice called out to his new alter ego.
Too. Early. In. The. Morning.
"Good morning, boss Tall Order." He said stiffly to his sub-boss, Tall Order, the till colt at his branch of McTrotnalds. Yes, that made him the assistant to the till colt. Now he knew how every hero felt having to waste perfectly good time and mana on pointless sub-bosses like this waste-of-plot simply because he was in the way. He swore that when he raised an army big enough to usurp Tall Order's throne that he would erase him along with his position in the hierarchy. Now he just had to somehow remember how to do the whole evil usurping business.
"Hold my coffee, will you? That's a good unicorn." The bulky teal earth stallion with a voice to match raised a hoof to pass Sombra his choice of morning poison, the three cups of overpriced EverBucks™ coffee he had been balancing on one hoof. Sombra took his new burdens silently in a little burst of telekinesis, praying his magic wouldn't fail midway. "Now let's get a move on. The manager and the exec from HQ are meeting today and I want to be the colt with their coffee!" He said with a scheming grin that would give most evil masterminds a run for their bad karma. Only three days working at McTrotnald's and Sombra already had the slug-green stallion pinned down as the universal shoo-in for the slimy ambitious evil vizier. And by some unlucky alignment of the stars, his lair was somewhere close to Sombra's so he had to suffer his boss' plotting plot from before work even starts. It made him wonder sometimes what sin he had committed in a past life to deserve this.
Their morning commute together always brought them past a particularly loud and enthusiastic news vendor's stand. "Hot news! Read all about it only on EverNews™ Daily!" To Sombra's chagrin, the young mare running the stall seemed even more boisterous than usual that day. "First Nightmare attack inside Manehattan. Two injured. Suspicions of bat pony connections to Nightmares raised again! In other news, more unlicensed and uncollared bat ponies revealed to be living secretly amongst us! Nobility led by model citizen and business pony, Ever Brave, promise swift action! Princess Luna unobtainable for comment! Read all about it...!" Sombra saw a few thestrals, readily distinguishable by their leathery bat wings, walk by, heads bowed low. Clasped about their necks were the telltale EverSafe™ gem collars bearing their license numbers and the name of their responsible handlers. Dark murmurs and hushed whispers followed in their wake as they quietly snuck their way through the crowds.
"Bloody bat ponies coming in and stealing jobs from all us decent pony folk." Tall Order spat. "My sister’s cousin's brother-in-law's friend lost his job to a bat pony. Buckin' winged rats work all night for less. Don't need no lighting either so bosses figure they can save on candles and lantern oil. He's all licensed and collared too so can't get him put away or put down or whatever it is they do with'em illegal ones, at least not yet." He muttered. "I tell ya, they're just in-fill-tray-torn-in' and waitin' for their op-for-tune-minute-y thing to pull a quick one on us."
"You think so?" Sombra replied, for want of something to say. He wasn't about to say anything about outcasts wanting to make a living, to fit in, to make something of themselves.
"I know so." Tall Order nodded at a little group of young thestrals tucked away in a nearby alleyway, spraying something on the walls. "Oy, bat pony scum! I see you dirtyin' our fair city with your heathen scribbles! Go on, git, back to the moon from whence you came! Before I make y'all lick your bat doo clean!" He barked, causing the young urchins to scarper.
Sombra eyed the graffiti. One doesn't spend time as a tyrant without learning a thing or two about the oppressed (those tyrants who don't find they run out of time to spend very quickly). Graffiti is one of their many silent voices. And from the fresh writing on the wall it would seem the thestrals are excited about some 'King of the Night' fellow, something about his blood 'freeing' them.
One little thestral filly who was busy rummaging through a trash can, seemingly unrelated to the gang, looked up at the commotion to find a tin can striking her across her face. She gave an 'Eeeeeeee!' of fright as she fell back from the dustbin into a little tangle of limbs and bat wings. Her fluffy little ears drooped low as she looked up in shock at Tall Order who was readying another can in one hoof. "E-eeee..." She squeaked in fright, backing away into a little cranny between two dustbins, eyes wide with terror.
"Boss Tall Order, come on, we'll be late for that meeting." Sombra muttered, pushing his boss along quickly.
"Damn, you're right. Buckin' bat ponies almost made me late for my big date with destiny." Tall Order thankfully shuffled on at his urging.
Sombra gave the little bat filly one last look. Underneath all the dirt and grime was a soft pale pink coat, the colour of blood moons, topped by a fuzzy lilac mane. Beneath it a big pair of golden harlequin eyes peered back at him underneath a little sheen of something red trickling down her face.
Sombra bit his lip. 'If I was king...' a little voice at the back of his mind niggled at him. He quickly shook off the dangerous thought as he walked on, like the hundreds of other ponies hurrying to work. After all, what could he do?
What could he do?
"Our jobs are difficult enough without bat ponies stealing them from us." Tall Order went on flapping his rotten gums as if nothing had happened. Sombra couldn’t help but wonder if the stallion’s flanks ever got jealous of the amount of verbal diarrhea that came out of his mouth. It was all he could do to not snarl in reply. "We stallions already have to jump through a dozen more hoops to get the same job as the mares. I mean, signin’ away our right to havin’ relationships? They're just worried about us takin’ herd leave for heat weeks and horseapples like that."
Thankfully Sombra didn't need to suffer his boss' inane rambling any further as they suddenly found themselves in front of the dingy little corner block that housed their branch of the grease bucket fast food chain 'McTrotnalds'. If he still had his crown Sombra would have taken it off to evil overlord McTrotnald. He did not know of any alchemy evil enough to turn hay and carrots so grossly unhealthy to the point of ponyslaughter, but McTrotnald's empire had not only achieved this on a massive scale, they had actually managed to make ponies willingly pay to eat them.
"Ahah! There's the exec and the manager now!" Tall Order nodded excitedly at the dark violet mare in the business dress standing outside with their manager, a very bubbly azure mare aptly named 'Bubbles'. "Gimme that, Shadow; that's a good unicorn." Tall Order grabbed two of the coffees and trotted over to the two mares to indulge in his morning brown nosing.
Not bored enough to watch his sub-boss lick plots this early in the morning, Sombra decided to go clock in inside nice and early. That was when destiny hit him. Literally. In the form of forty pounds of flustered mare rounding the corner of the building as if Cerberus or the tax stallion himself was after her. The meeting was more akin to a squeaky little toy ball bouncing off a solid wall. "Eeeeeeee!", she squeaked as she bounced off Sombra and fell back on her rump. Sombra couldn't decide whether it was the impact or the adorable squeak that sent his Coffee flying out of his magic to join an airborne half-nibbled piece of toast.
"Well, a little early for a new challenger." He risked the awkward smile he had been practicing for so long on Star Struck and Octavia. He quickly regretted it as he was reminded why he had been practicing in the first place. Shrieks and gasps filled the street as pedestrians leapt off the sidewalk to get away from him. Carts barely swerved around them before speeding away in fright. As if to top it all off, a few babies broke out crying at the top of their little lungs.
To Sombra's surprise, however, the young mare sitting on her rump before him broke into a nervous little giggle. She seemed oblivious to how he had just stopped the entire street and probably a few hearts too with his smile alone, choosing instead to return it with a bright little smile of her own. She tilted her head to one side as she rubbed her silky cerulean-blue trestles sheepishly. "Uh, never too early for an apology though, I think. I'm so sorry, sir, my hooves tend to get away from me sometimes. That just won't do." Her soft voice tinkled gently like water flowing over crystal. She was barely more than a filly, an elfin figure of a pony. In fact everything from her dainty little hooves to her soft, creamy fur, even her big, droopy fluffy ears, all reminded him of his old allies, the breezies.
What was it Cadence did for him back then? Was this the situation to apply it? Well, only one way to find out. "Are you alright?" He asked mechanically, stiffly offering her an uncertain hoof.
"I'm fine, thank y-..." She said as she reached out to take his hoof. She gave a little gasp, recoiling a little. For a moment, he thought her fright had caught up or he had done it wrong somehow. Then she frantically took his hoof in hers, big sapphire blue eyes wide with earnest concern. "Oh no! You got hot coffee on your hoof!" She cried.
"Oh, so I do." Sombra said, dismissively. It hadn't been more than a sting. The wet patch of fur was slowly turning a dull red though.
"That won't do at all!" She cried, cradling his hoof as if afraid it might shatter. "Water! Need water!" She squeaked, looking around frantically.
"It's fine, really." Sombra said, wincing a little as the sting began to catch up with him.
"There's no water. Uh, um, oh! I know!" She said in a tone that left no room for argument, before lowering her head towards his hoof without the slightest hesitation. Before Sombra could figure out what exactly she was up to, he felt something small, soft, warm and moist against his stinging hoof.
Sombra's heart leapt into his throat as it caught up with his mind. He made to pull his hoof free but found it stuck in a vicegrip stronger than a Cragadille's bite. "Hey, uh, no need for that." He managed, taken completely off guard for the first time since arriving in Manehattan.
"Hush now." She whispered softly in a tone that could silence dragons. A mere stallion like him could only obey. Oddly enough, he felt the pain ease with each gentle stroke of her little tongue. If he had been thinking straight he might have noticed the telltale signs of very subtle magic at work.
"There, all better, I think." She said, finally satisfied with her hoofwork after what felt like an eternity. "O-oh, s-sorry! I-I d-didn't mean to...!" She gasped, letting his hoof go as if it were on fire. Which it probably was, along with the rest of him.
"No, uh, thank you, I think?" Just when he thought he found his tongue, it decided to be all lame on him. "It feels a lot better." He quickly added as he offered another hoof to help her up. But she tactfully ignored it as she got up onto her hooves, dusting off her soft, if mildly blushing, creamy coat and her two bright red saddlebags with a hoof.
"Ah, that's what I was doing! I was being late!" She gasped, looking about in panic. "I'll p-pay you back for t-the coffee, promise." She looked up at him, worriedly. "You work downstairs, right? I'll find you, I think." With that, she cantered off into the staff entrance to the side of the restaurant helpfully labeled 'Mane Event Fashion House'. He couldn't help but watch her as she trotted off in a hurry, his mind a fireworks factory. Why did she do that? What was that feeling he felt? Who is she? Can he find her and ask her?
"Hoho, I see you've got your eyes on the prize to end’em all." Tall Order patted him on the shoulder as he trotted up behind him. "Man, that chick, they just don't make'em like that anymore. All soft-spoken, demure and lovely-like." He sighed dramatically, shaking his head as if reminiscing on some age long gone. "She's the dream mare of every stallion and their herds and absolutely all the filly-foolers, y'know."
"She's my dream mare?" Sombra blinked, still dumbstruck. "Why wasn't I told this?"
"Fine. Almost every stallion. Except the colt cuddlers and the weirdos like you." Tall Order rolled his eyes at his junior. "If you look at the underground Manehattan prize book, she's, like, rated AAA+. A+ for Adorable diabetes-bait, A+ for Alluring-as-buck, A+ for All Dat Plot. Photo Finish has been begging her to model for her for over a year now. Every stallion on the block have tried their luck. But goddesses like her are just beyond mortal hooves, know what I mean?"
"I had luck to try?" Sombra asked, frowning.
"Jeez, man, you one of'em gram-mare nasties or something?" Tall Order muttered, shaking his head at his junior. "Fine, you may count yourself dickless and balls-less for the purposes of this conversation, capiche?" He looked around, frown gathering. "I could've sworn I left you with one last cup of coffee."
Sombra gathered his senses just in time to pull off some quick thinking. "You took both over to those mares, boss Tall Order." He nodded at the exec and the manager sipping away at their coffee as they walked inside the restaurant while he deftly kicked the spilt coffee cup under a nearby dustbin with a hindhoof.
"Really? Man, Monday's hitting me hard already." His sub-boss muttered, shaking his head as he led the way inside.
"Yeah, hits really hard. Monday, I mean." Sombra spared the stairs to the Mane Event fashion house upstairs one last look before reluctantly plodding on after him to take his place on the battlefield.
The cool afternoon brought with it the arch-nemesis, the lunchtime rush. Sombra found himself manning the battlements behind the till, warily looking out for the next wave of pony assailants threatening to overwhelm their bulwarks of hayfries and oatburgers. The heat from the sizzling horseshoe-chips was choking, the babble of four dozen ponies packed into the little restaurant deafening. "Hey, Shadow, what's rule number one?" Tall Order snapped as he paced past, industriously toying with his clipboard.
"Service with a smile." Sombra muttered through his teeth. "And keep clear of the stampede." He added under his breath, bitterly recalling the panicked mob from his last smile field test. It’d be a while before he tried that one again. "Next, uh, please?" He said to the thankfully still empty queue. His mind similarly emptied onto the greasy floor at the sight of the next customer.
"Um, hello again." It was the breezie again, appearing magically out of nowhere like the fairy she is, smiling a cheeky grin so sweet it made everything else in the restaurant look lean and healthy in comparison. "I told you I'd find you." She said with a cheerful blush. "Though I know you're busy right now. Sorry." She added, sheepishly.
"Ah, uh..." Sombra muttered, intelligently, his face frozen in a rictus of surprise.
"Mmmm..." She gave him an appraising look for a bit. She spared Tall Order inspecting the hayfries in a corner a quick glance. Then, nodding to herself as if making up her mind, she stepped up and made her order. "Um, one of each foalie toy to go, please? I think my boss is teething. Again. I don’t think she’ll be able to tell the difference between them and my ears, not when she’s chewing them." She gave him a mischievous squee as she batted her rather large fluffy ears at him.
The poor till attendant couldn't help but break out in a little fit of laughter. It wasn't even that funny, but to him at the time it was like a breath of fresh air.
"Ah, now hold that face, I think." His customer suddenly said, lifting a hoof to boop him on the nose, effectively stunning him mid-laugh.
"Like...this?" He managed to murmur through his frozen smile, fighting down the sneeze coming on from the feel of her soft delicate fur against his nose.
"Mmmm..." She tilted her head from side to side before finally giving him a nod. "That will do, I think. There, you're smiling." She declared, putting her hooves together on the counter in approval.
"I am?" Sombra blinked, looking around at the customers seated about the restaurant. "A-and nopony's running out the door?" He couldn't help but stare in surprise. "What witchcraft is this?"
"My little secret, perhaps." His customer raised a hoof to her lips as she gave him a little wink. "Now ours, I think."
"Oh, hey, newbie, you learned to smile!" Bubbles, the manager, slapped him on the back as she rushed past with a stack of fresh oatburgers. "Keep it up!"
"Yeah, you might just keep your job after all." Tall Order added, busy doing nothing as usual.
Sombra glanced between Bubbles and his beaming customer, jaw agape.
"Good for you, Mr. McTrotnald." The Breezie smiled cheerfully.
Sombra quickly shook himself out of his confusion. The questions were bubbling forth faster than the milk shakes. "Why...are you doing this for me? That's twice now." He asked, desperately. "Please?" He added, in the hopes that the magic word might get her to part with the answer.
"Hmm..." She frowned as she gave his question some thought. "Um, I don’t know, I think?" She finally answered with a question of her own, almost causing him to impale the till with his horn. She must have noticed his crestfallen expression as she quickly added, "I have an idea. Why don't you try it for yourself and see, perhaps? Then you might be able to tell me."
"Try?" Sombra asked, hanging onto every word. "What? What should I try?"
"Give something to somepony, maybe." She replied, almost musing to herself, "Even a smile will do, I think."
"Giving?" He felt something stir within him, something old and dead. Something told him it may well be the 'Why' he had been seeking. "Hmm..."
"Oh, um, by the way, I actually would like a toy with my Smiley Meal™ set G, if that's alright." The Breezie added, sheepishly. "The Evil King Sombra one, if you've still got any, please." She steepled her hooves together with a beseeching smile.
"Oh, uh, sure, ma'am." The till colt quickly put on his newfound smile once more as he carefully put her order together. "There you go, that'll be three bits. Uh, please." He said, reaching for the toy. It was only then did his mind register what she asked for. 'Evil King Sombra', the 'villain of the week' for the Elements of Harmony McTrotnald toy line. He had been giving out the same toy for the past three days without even giving it a second thought. But then and there he couldn't help but pause, deep in thought.
Evil. King. "Are....are you sure you want this particular toy, ma'am?" He asked, his voice suddenly strained. "I-I mean, we have the whole range of EverFun™ Elements of Harmony a-and Speck the Brave toys? W-we even have Princess Cockt- Cadence and Prince Shining Prick-Mo, er, Armour?" He wasn’t even sure why he suddenly felt so bothered by the cheap little toy. It was nothing more than a cheap knock-off that failed to capture his stunningly roguish good looks. But at the time he didn’t want this ‘Evil’ thing anywhere near the breezie.
"Oh, yes, I'm sure." She said brightly, taking the toy he was floating over her Smile Meal bag in her mouth, causing it to give out a loud squeak, as she gathered the meal into her bright red saddlebag with her hooves. "Chee Huu." She waved a hoof before trotting off, toy firmly grasped in her muzzle.
"Uh, yeah, chee huu." Sombra waved back stupidly.
Tall Order gave a little chuckle as he leaned on Sombra's shoulder. "Makes you wish you were that lucky toy, huh?"
“Yeah, that evil king bastard.” Sombra muttered, absentmindedly squeezing another squeaky King Sombra toy in his hooves. Amidst all that he had completely missed the fact that his customer had walked away with set G, the gryphon carnivore’s meal with black pudding burgers, complete with mango-flavoured oatmeal.
It was 12 PM when the till colt finally began making his solitary way home, leftovers carefully bundled together in a diamond-doggy bag. It was one of the few perks of the job, all the leftovers he could carry home and eat. And seeing as his co-workers weren't about to fight over McTrotnald leftovers, the last three days had been nothing short of feasts fit for a former-king.
There was no shortage of EverGlo™ lights illuminating every inch of sidewalk. It was as if Manehattan was out to outshine Luna's sky in its zeal to turn night to day. The alleyways in between the buildings, however, were another story; Dark holes gaping open like the very maws of Tartarus. He couldn't help but pause by one familiar alleyway. The dreary stench of an entire block's refuse was no better by night. Worse still was the howling wind blowing through the wind tunnel formed between the two looming buildings. His attention, however, was more focused on a little gap between two dustbins. As if on cue a big pair of golden eyes gleamed in the dark, gazing curiously back at him.
"Give something to somepony," he murmured to himself. He looked between the pair of eyes and the bag of leftovers he was carrying. With a little burst of magic, he deftly fished out the biggest oatburger and packet of hayfries he could find and carefully unwrapped them on the ground in between himself and the pair of eyes. He then lowered himself onto his knees a distance away from the little offering, doing his best to look as harmless as possible, which was, admittedly, not much.
A few silent moments passed as the two stared at each other in the world's most awkward impromptu staring contest. Two loud growls suddenly filled the darkness, causing both to jump in fright. Both froze in absolute panic before a more reassuring low rumble followed. To their sheer relief and embarrassment they realized, sheepishly, that it was their own tummies revolting in hunger. It gave Sombra the brainwave he needed. He whipped out an oatburger of his own and made an exaggerated show of chomping down on the juicy mass of oil and calories. "Hmmm! It'sh good!" He said, pointing at the oatburger on the ground. "You try it." His attempts at persuasion didn’t seem to be working, but that didn’t deter him from gesturing invitingly at the pair of eyes.
Seemingly giving into her hunger, the owner of the pair of eyes ventured out of her hiding place. The little bat filly peeled herself from the shadows before slowly and cautiously tippy-hoofing towards the food. She kept her big, glowing golden eyes on Sombra as she lowered her muzzle towards the food to give it a few experimental sniffs. Her bright harlequin eyes visibly widened at the tempting odour. Her little muzzle began to water as she licked her lips longingly. She gazed up at him, as if trying to make up her mind whether or not to give in to temptation.
He took another bite from his burger and made an appreciative 'mmm', nodding at her to join in. That seemed to be all it took to convince the obviously hungry filly. She carefully leaned in and took an experimental nibble. Then another. Then another. Her eyes widened with obvious pleasure. To Sombra's terror, tears began to stain her grimy cheeks as her big golden eyes began to water. But she only took bigger and bigger nibbles, humming appreciatively with each bite. 'She's crying, does that mean she dislikes it? But she's still eating it? Maybe it's just because she's hungry? Maybe she needs something else?'
'What else could I give?' He thought to himself, frowning, as he settled back to watch the little filly nibble away at the burger. He wanted to kick himself. Why does something so simple for others have to be so alien and difficult to him? He gritted his teeth as he thought hard. 'What do I give? What do I have that I could give? My clothes? They're too big for her. A smile? Well, the Breezie did suggest giving a smile.'
He smiled.
The little bat filly's ears drooped in fear as she leapt back, eyeing Sombra fearfully. "H-hey, it's alright. Sorry, I was just..." Sombra began, raising a calming hoof towards the little filly. But she was already scampering away into the darkness, little hooves splashing across dark puddles, panting breathlessly in fright. "...being an idiot." He muttered at himself as he attempted to sign the graffiti on the wall with his horn. "C'mon, Cadence, look. I can't even 'give' properly. Hay, I can't even smile. Where's the 'good' in that?" He sighed, shaking his head free of the wall before peering up at the night sky as if hoping the stars might have the answer he sought. But there were no stars, only the fierce glow of the city's artificial light.
He was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice the pair of gleaming cerulean eyes, watching him carefully from the shadow of a cart, a little further up the street.
