“Remember, when you find it, it's important that you do not touch it,” says Twilight Sparkle, explaining the mission as you get ready for this expedition into the Everfree Forest.
Technically that should be Princess Twilight Sparkle, but you've gotten to know her pretty closely that you can just call her Twilight. You know she's such a clever scholar, intelligent in many fields. Still, even you manage to surprise her sometimes with things she doesn't know. Maybe that's why you became close friends so quickly.
“You two start searching this area,” says Twilight. “I'm going to Zecora's to see if she knows anything more about this. Maybe she can help.”
“Alright. You ready? Let's get going!”
That's Rainbow Dash. She seems too aloof to pay attention to anypony for long, always more focused on her athletic goals. She's the fastest flier you know, but you're one of the few ponies who was able to almost keep up in a contest of speed. It was quite a surprise to her, and she started hanging around you more often. Maybe that's why you became close friends ever since.
Hrmm, you need to be brought up to speed as to who you are. You go over the basic facts as you travel.
So, you entered Equestria one day. That's kind of a default, right?
You... showed up in Ponyville! Everypony loves you there. You tried to be friends with as many ponies as possible, because that's just the way you do things. You quickly found a job and rented a room, so you have a little place of your own. It's all these little things that add up to you fitting in to a strange new world.
What else? You have parents and family back home. You're pretty sure they miss you since you left.
That must be all the important facts. Really, what do you need to know? You're good to go. Besides, you can fill in the other details by yourself.
You were so busy thinking about your entire life and everything that's ever happened, that you didn't even notice that Rainbow's already found what you're looking for.
“Hey, it's here. That was pretty fast. Wait here. I'll go catch up with Twilight and bring her.” Rainbow Dash flaps her wings and takes off.
You take a look around. It seems to be a small cave in the side of a hill. There's some faded carvings on the rocks. The cave doesn't go very deep, it quickly ends in some kind of shrine built out of smooth stones. On the shrine you see a tall clay bottle painted with geometric patterns. It doesn't look too heavy, but it might be fragile. There's no stopper on top. You wonder if there's anything inside.
After a few minutes, you hear hoofsteps in the leaves and branches of the forest. It must be Twilight and Dash! You can't wait to show the bottle to them up close, so you pick it up and bring it outside to hurry up the investigation.
Yeah, you pick it up. Why wouldn't you?
Nah, you don't remember anything like that, you must've imagined it.
You carry the bottle out onto the hillside, and wave it in the air to show Rainbow and Twilight as they climb up the slope. There's a dull squeak as your hooves rub against the dusty surface. It begins quivering, flings itself out of your grasp to land on the ground, and a column of smoke pours upward from the opening. The smoke pulses, and then seems to gravitate towards your mane before dissipating.
“Pinkie! What did you do?!” Twilight's eyes are wide as balloons. “Now the evil genie's been released!”
Oh yeah, that's right. Important fact: your name is Pinkie Pie. Also, that's right, you weren't supposed to touch the bottle. Oops.
Next time you really should remember to remember those kinds of details.
Author's Note
I used the entire first chapter to make a dumb joke. Forgive me.
You can't see the genie, but that booming, disembodied voice gives you a pretty clear idea that it's present, even if invisible.
“PINKIE PIE, STATE YOUR WISH AND IT SHALL BE GRANTED.”
Woah, a wish? You feel your fur getting all tingly. Any wish you want! Now you're not just tingly, but a little glowy as well. Wow, what should you wish for?
You quickly come up with a mental list of the hundred wishes you most want granted. If you can get them all in one run-on sentence, just maybe you can get them all for the price of one. It's worth trying, here goes.
Your first syllable is completely interrupted by Twilight tackling you and clamping your muzzle shut with her hooves. “Pinkie, didn't you listen to my mission briefing? It was really important not to touch it!”
Well if you could move your mouth maybe you could explain that it's not your fault, you hadn't even tuned in until Twilight was almost done speaking back then. Could happen to anypony.
“You had the wishing spell cast upon you. If you say anything at all, it could be disastrous! This kind of genie doesn't grant your wish just to be nice. It'll try to twist your words around into a different meaning than you intended. Nopony knows exactly what they'll get, but the result is always awful.”
“You mean it'll backfire?” Rainbow asks. “Like, Equestria will get teleported onto the moon, or something like that?”
“Possibly. Unless you word it absolutely perfectly, you don't know what you'll get! But I think if we just keep Pinkie right here, and she doesn't say anything, we can delay that until we figure out how to deal with this spell.” Twilight looks at you. “Pinkie, it's really important. Do you think you can do that?”
You shake your head.
“Um, why not?”
You find the little folded card you received in the mail this morning. While holding it in your mouth, you point a hoof to suggest they should read it.
Rainbow Dash leans in to peek at the fancy writing. “Let me see that. An invitation... to Pinkie Pie's Spring Sing-Along Party? Today? Is this really the time to... wait, hold on. Pinkie Pie, why did you mail an invitation for your own party to yourself?”
You're about to give a perfectly reasonable explanation that you had prepared in case somepony would ask, and you're sure that afterwards they'd be completely convinced as to how convenient it was, I mean who wouldn't invite themselves to their own party? But Twilight frowns in your direction, which reminds you to keep quiet. You make a mental note to have a written version of the speech ready in case this ever happens again.
“I'm not sure hosting a party is our top priority right now,” Twilight says. “We really should keep Pinkie in quarantine, just in case somepony talks to her. Something might slip out of her mouth and turn into a wish.”
With great surprise, you pantomime with your hooves a dramatic defense of your character. Is she actually suggesting that you would forget these important instructions without their constant supervision? Surely that's not what she meant to imply!
They both narrow their eyes. “Yeah, you probably will,” Dash says. “Especially at a party.”
Why, they don't believe you! It's not like you've been unable to talk before. Don't they remember that time Trixie cast a spell that erased your mouth? And that time with the poison joke curse! It was exactly the same as this! Well, except in those cases you physically could not talk even if you wanted to, and this is more of a matter of willpower. But besides that, yeah, it's exactly the same!
Twilight changes the subject before you can argue back in an even more elaborate pantomime. “Before we do anything, I think we should write a letter to Princess Celestia, and get her advice on the situation,” Maybe she knows how to get us out of this. And if something does go wrong, I'll need to do some research on spells that could reverse the effects. We have to be prepared for anything.
“Wait, where did the genie go? More importantly, where did Pinkie go?!”
Well, you didn't actually hear those questions, seeing as you had already hopped off back to Ponyville, but you had a pretty good feeling Twilight was saying that right about now. You would shout back a response, but since you're forbidden from speaking, you hope Twilight can figure out those answers on her own. You're sure she'll be fiiiine.
You already had all the party's food, decorations, and games set up this morning at Sugarcube Corner in advance. All you have to do is walk on in, and the party can officially begin! Even though a party's not a party when the guests haven't arrived yet, and the only one here besides yourself is that invisible spell that's been following you around everywhere. He wasn't really invited, and the starting time is five whole minutes from now, but you don't have the heart to turn him away for such trifling reasons. So that makes him guest #1, and a guest showing up means the party can officially begin! Officially! This time for real!
+++++
And what a party it is! What's special about this party is that little music player you have set up. There's no words on any of the songs, so ponies can fill the singing in themselves on the microphone! They all get to take turns being in the spotlight at this party. It's called.......... you'll have to come up with a name for it sometime. But right now, what's important is that everypony is having fun with it. That way, it's not a big deal that you can't go around talking to them all. They're handling their own fun just fine.
You've noticed Rainbow zipping outside since the party began. Peering in the window at you, then off to the library, then back to that window.
You say hi. No wait, you don't say hi! You're careful to not say anything at all. You're good at this. You give her a friendly wave and a smile instead.
“Hey Pinkie, there's some awesome news. Turns out, if you don't make any wish at all for 12 hours, the whole spell gets cancelled. Then the bad genie goes back in the bottle and we can get rid of him for good. So you just have to last until about midnight. No prob, right?”
That does sound great! You were just about to accept the possibility being mute for the rest of your life. That possibility was competing in your mind with the desire to say any random thing just to get it over with. Maybe the entire land of Equestria would get teleported to the moon, but at least you wouldn't have to deal with the pressure anymore.
Heh, the pressure. You get it! You think Twilight would like that one.
Rainbow loosens your grip, as you've been tightly hugging her by reflex since she gave the report. “Well, I'm just gonna keep an eye on you here. Twilight's in her books, trying to find some backup spell, just in case. Well, that's what she told me, but I'm pretty sure she's just doing the extra research for fun. What an egghead, right?” She smiles and rolls her eyes.
This reminds you of something. You recall a brilliant little joke involving cupcakes and something you invented called a pintcake. It's the perfect moment to tell a joke; years of partying experience makes you certain of this. But you can't say it, mmrmph.
You settle for telling it to only yourself in your head. You wait a beat and think about the punchline. Hee hee hee hee, that was hilarious. You crack yourself up! Rainbow Dash gives a confused look at you giggling all to yourself. Maybe she didn't get the joke.
The song finishes, and another pony steps up to the microphone. The record player begins playing the violin melody of a sentimental ballad. Rainbow narrows her eyes and mutters beneath her breath, “Oh no, not this one again.”
Give me a hoof my darling
and I'll give you my heart.
Take me to your stable
and never more we'll part.
Rainbow leans in closer to you and whispers, “I'm sick to death of that tune.”
The pegasus next in line for the stage looks at you and beams. Hey, it's your good friend, Camphor Sparks. You know singing is her 2nd favorite hobby, though you're not sure what her 1st favorite is. When she found out you come up with your own original songs for your parties, she was eager to join in and even ask for singing tips. Maybe that's why you quickly bonded as friends.
“Hey Pinkie! I'm gonna put on Stickers by Diana Reed, you wanna duet with me?”
Yes! You'd love to! You jump on stage and start singing right away! Woooo!
You start singing right away. Yes, because you really, really want to. Any second now. Psst, that's your cue.
What do you mean, you won't? Of course you will. You feel the need for Reed. It's one of your favorites!
Hrrrnngnghgn. You suuuuure? Just a little won't hurt.
Ok, fine. Against your better judgment, you stand there scrunching your face and not having a blast on stage. It doesn't seem healthy for you, bottling it in like that. You really act out of your character sometimes.
After the song (you're really starting to reget not joining in), Camphor floats off the stage and lands beside you. “What's up, Pinkie? You're not feeling well or something?”
You're about to answer, but Rainbow Dash is here to fill in, so you decide there's no need to say so yourself. “It's a bit complicated. Pinkie can't talk for the rest of the day. Something about an evil genie and a wishing spell or something.”
Camphor seems impressed. “Oooh, a wish? I wish I could be a crystal pony!”
“Nah, it doesn't work that way, only Pinkie can... Wait, that's what you'd wish for? Seriously?”
“It's the first thing that came to mind. Don't worry, I've got lots of other wishes. I just can't remember them right now.”
Rainbow shrugged as the electronic sound of the song Whippet started playing on the speakers. “I would wish these ponies could play some music that's less lame.”
You get a pencil and a napkin and write down a message. Hah, now why didn't you think of this sooner? You hold up the napkin proudly.
“Pinkie, I can't make out your writing at all. It's too messy.”
Stupid pencils. Who designed them to be held in the mouth anyways? It makes no sense.
“So why can't she talk? How does that fit in with her free wishes?”
“Well, if you want to hear the whole story. I mean, we've got a lot of time to burn. It all started with blablablabla bla bla blabla blablabla...”
You're finding it hard to focus on this conversation. You've been sitting still far too long. You shut your eyes and try to block out the world around you.
.
.
.
!
You open your eyes again. You can block out the world, but the world can't block you out.
“Wait, didn't they literally just play this song? Why are they doing it again? Sheesh.” Rainbow rolls her eyes.
You're starting to get antsy. Antsy in your pantsy. And you don't even have any pantsy on right now. Maybe if you eat a whole bunch of delicious sugary treats to calm down....
“And I think Twilight said that all started from when Discord first showed up in Equestria, way back then. Weird, huh?”
There goes half the donuts from the snack table. You think that helped.
That doesn't last. Now you're pretty sure it didn't help in the long run. Even though it seemed perfect in the very, very short run.
You can't take it anymore! You can't be perfectly silent at a party! You just can't! This silence is just getting you feel like.... super-merry-go-round-ticked-off! Something like that! You're about to burst!
Rainbow and flies over and pats you on the back, while Camphor watches. “Woah, are you alright, Pinkie? Answer me! I mean, gah, nevermind! I knew this party was a mistake. You'll never make it the whole day.”
There's some screeching noise on the microphone. Some pony in the background sounds concerned over something, “No wait, that was the volume dial. Now it's too loud.”
The same song starts up a third time. A noisy mob has formed around the side of the stage.
“What the? Uh, stay right here, Pinkie.” Rainbow nudges her way through the crowd. “Okay, what's going on? Step aside, let me through.”
Camphor peers at the music player and gives it a light tap with a hoof.
“Uh. I think it's stuck.”
+++++
“Five hours. Five. Hours. Of. Whippet. I think it burned itself into my ears, I can still hear it. What if it never goes away?”
“Why didn't you just turn the machine off?”
“I tried, Twilight! I really did try! It turns out it wasn't that easy,” Rainbow says as she rubs the bruises on her sides. You tried to warn her! “Pinkie Pie was just dancing to the song the entire time. At least it kept her busy.”
It's almost midnight, and you've traveled with your friends back to the dark old cave in the Everfree. You'll be glad when this spell is off of you, it's been really stressful to deal with. Though that little dance break did help a lot.
The last few minutes are ticking down. The three of you watch the magic bottle intently.
Suddenly, there's a jolt of that magic glowy stuff. Kind of a small one. It flows out of your mane and gets sucked down into the bottle. You hear the genie's disembodied voice one last time.
“HRMPH. PARTY POOPERS.”
Well, you were expecting something more dramatic than that. Twilight takes hold of the bottle with her magic, and places it back on the shrine where we found it.
You tell them how it feels so good to be able to talk again! You've had so much you wanted to get off your chest all day long! You loudly inhale a deep breath of air. The girls wince a little behind their grins, as if they're expecting something.
…....
….
You exhale in a little puff. Huh. You can't think of anything to say right now, you tell them. They both facehoof in unison.
Just then, you get a twitchy feeling. A twitch-a-twitch in your tail, and you know full well what that means. You look up and scan the dark roof of the cave, looking out for whatever's about to fall. A bat, perhaps, or a cave beetle? It could be a dangerous stalactite! Or a stalagmite, which would be pretty weird, but just as dangerous!
Suddenly, you don't feel very much solid ground beneath your hooves. Turns out the rock floor wasn't very thick to begin with, and a small part of it crumbled away into a hidden cave below. As you tumble downwards, you're not entirely sure if the twitchy tail signal was meant specifically for you falling, or just the floor falling, or both.
Something broke your fall, since you barely got hurt at all. From above, Twilight is shining a magical light down on you, so you get a better sense of your surroundings. Ah ha, you fell directly into a mound of bottles, which all look strikingly similar to the one from above. Hundreds of them. All around you in every direction, covering you like fresh snow. You're literally up to your ears in magical genie bottles.
“Pinkie! Don't move! The slightest friction could set them all off in a chain reaction!”
You try. You try your hardest.
THE END