Prologue: Ashes
She stood much taller than him, but they did love each other. They worked at a research lab near the hospital. They worked together on fungi, a cure to many illnesses. But it doesn’t just work like that. Life is never a basket of roses and nor is this story.
The fungus was strong, too strong, one day when they returned it had escaped, all either of them said was “the antifungal”.
They never got it to work.
The fungi escaped and began an epidemic.
The next day there was nothing there, the hospital was cleared and terminal ill patients’ machines were turned off, lest one. They thought she should have already been off, but she wasn’t. Volunteers ended up taking turns in feeding her and saving her from death.
At most 2 months later, the disease spread overseas, it spread everywhere, many ponies died, and the world was empty. Except for a few ponies, animals and plants. It was all just blood and fear now.
The girl was distraught, what she had created with her husband was destructive, it ate the brain, it killed ponies without allowing them to die. She took him to a cliff.
“What have we done?” she told him, “this thing we have created is destroying everything; this world we used to call home is ash. How can you live with that?”
“I die every day just thinking about it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to live.”
“I don’t.” She said almost quietly, like if shadows were sound, a sound which is audible, but unnecessary.
He almost asked. But, the words spoke plain and clear. “Don’t jump, please, I love you.”
“I love you too”.
Then she fell. Slowly at first, but she still fell, and the man, he felt rain on his face, even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
Do you remember the mare who survived the hospitals destruction, the mare in the coma? That mare is me. The day I woke up, that was the first day of the war.
DAY 1
My wings ached; I had been asleep for at least 2 years. I stretched them out, it hurt at first but I needed to fly again. I had no idea where I was, so I volunteered at the hospital I was being kept in. I was happy there, whenever someone infected came in we had to euthanize them- I just avoided there killing, I was naive, I believed I could avoid death.
I looked in the mirror one day; most were smashed or completely destroyed- I couldn’t remember that I had a ponytail on my mane. I had had it for 2 years.
Then he arrived. The hospital was practically destroyed so we needed some food, he had only broken his arm so he volunteered, he was a unicorn, and he could carry this. The shop wasn’t that far away, and in this place he could just loot it. It was a petrol station, maybe some was spilled and he had a cigarette addiction, but flames tell no lies, and he almost died.
He was under my care for about 3 hours, he lost his right arm. He told me was called Mr. Alpha and I would be Mrs. Theta , I ignored him, but I didn’t know he was going to be the most important part of my life so far.
Later that night, it was dark, probably about 11pm, I was going down an alleyway, and I had just left one of the last bars- which of course are now an open bar. I finally, I had had alcohol for the first time in 6 months. I was happy to go home, obvious someone thought differently, “hello there.” He was a stallion, an earth pony.
“NO, I just want to go home.” His body language spoke enough, he clearly wanted more than my companionship.
“What about my home?”
“Please just go away.”
“Why?”
My hand met his face; he didn’t like that. In fact, he hated it; he looked like I had just insulted everything he stood for. He was clearly oblivious to the situation.
I’m not going to discuss the following; it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had, I was forced with a man I had never met, while I was half-drunk, and then Alpha came in.
I didn’t see much, I only remember one thing.
The body was still moving when we left, but we had to get away.
We went to his house, which also had 6 more ponies I was about to meet and enough beds for all of us. So we slept. It was a long day ahead of us, and we definitely needed sleep.
DAY 2
The other 6 ponies were all entirely different characters, the first 2- Ms. Epsilon, who was the youngest, and Mr. Eta, who joined the group just before me, apparently already knew Mr. Alpha, they never dwelled on it though, and it is not important. They both stood around the same height, the both had the same bright blue bodies and black hair, they both had green eyes, they were both straight haired, and they were both earth ponies, the only earth ponies.
The next 2- Mr Beta and Mr Gamma, they were also pegasi, one had a black coat and green mane, although the green was browner by this point, and the other- Mr beta had a green coat and black mane. Neither were very smart, although Mr Beta smoked, he wasn’t the only one; in fact, Mr Gamma may be the only one who doesn’t.
Finally, Mrs Delta and Ms Zeta, Ms Zeta was a chef, she made us breakfast using her unicorn magic. Mrs Delta on the other hand, was entirely in science, she decided she would perfect the antifungal, and I’m not going to lie that I was not attracted to the pegasus. But how would I tell her, besides there were more pressing matters.
“Where the hell are we going to stay?” asked Epsilon, she had less patience than the rest of us, being young and all.
“Here.” Alpha said, clear for everyone.
“Why?”
Alpha opened a steel door, the kind you’d use to hide things, to reveal a corridor, and another steel door. Through which we heard faint screams.
“Tomorrow, you’re going to need to restrain him.” He gestured to all of us. We all understood, we just didn’t know why. To be honest, we didn’t want to.
We had lunch; I found out that Eta and Epsilon were siblings; in fact, they were twins. Beta was blind, and just how bad this war was.
“Hey there.” A voice called to me. It was a very quiet voice, as if she didn’t want to be heard, it was epsilon. We talked about her; she’s twelve and an orphan, she wanted to talk about mortality, what death meant, this almost made me cry, both she didn’t know, and because in this place, she soon would. We talk about kids and life after death.
Delta and I became friends very quickly; the kind of friendship only stories can create so fast, although I always wished it to be more.
Alpha explained to me that over the past years, the world had fallen to a terrible fungus; it ate the brain, which is why so many bitten patients had been euthanized.
I watched delta continue to develop the cure, the antifungal, she knew her trade very well, and she would have been finished if she had enough of the fungus. I knew my fair share of biology, as a qualified first aider, I needed to. Fungus is the largest micro-organism, in fact, in some dissected corpses she showed me, you could see it growing, and destroying what was there.
We were yet to discover the extent of the war, but it wasn’t that long until we did.
It was just after lunch, we decided to go for a walk. There was one of them there. Those who walk all day and night, not dead, not mentally alive. They attacked her. I turned away the moment I saw, I hid, and I knew what came after being bitten. I knew Epsilon had just died. They had won the youngest most innocent of all of us. But she was alive, she screamed, she asked to be killed more than she had asked to be alive. Then there was 2 words, 2 words that had more meaning than anything else.“Thank you.”
Followed by the silent grievance that is mourning.
It was Beta who did it, you could by the way he walked, and he felt broken. As you would, her being a 12 year-old orphan who didn’t know what death was.
Watching someone as innocent as her go to sleep would have been heartbreaking, considering we discussed so little earlier, but listening to her scream, and cry, and thanking Beta for it, it was like being told a storm was coming, and the only person to be hurt by it was a 12 year old orphan. I can only imagine the pain Beta felt.
We all drank that night, even the 12 year old Eta, we drank because of sorrow, because of mourning, and because we all knew that it would not end. That all of us are just mortals and saying goodbye would have to get easier. Because we all knew, it’s just none of us needed to say anything.
That night was the hardest for all of us; we all knew the morning would bring its own troubles, only Alpha knew what they were. Eta might have had the worst night of all of us, them being siblings, it turned out that Alpha was their uncle- so Eta stayed with him. Mr Beta went with Delta, and Gamma and Zeta went together. All that was left was me and my thoughts, so I thought. I thought about Epsilons innocence; her youth, the things that made me cry. But I also thought about Delta, her face, her voice, the conversations we shared, the moments we had, and the implication of Beta and Delta staying together.
DAY 3
Alpha allowed us to eat breakfast, stale food. It tastes like ash in the mouth but it’s better than nothing. Though, it was only by a small amount.
After breakfast Alpha opened the steel door again. This time he did not stop there, he opened the other steel door, and dragged a lifeless grey stallion out. He was kicking and screaming, he screamed for Alpha to let him go, he refused. The grey stallion was pushed to the floor in front of us, “restrain him” said Alpha. So we did. We held him back; I was in front of him, his bloody, grey, lifeless face hanging before me. “Why the hell would you do that?”
“We wasn’t s’pposed to” his breath stank of alcohol, he laughed as he spoke. “It just, ‘appened. ” Alpha pulled back his hand, ready to punch, ready to destroy the stallions face as though it was an egg. “Please don’t hit me, not again.”
“WHAT DOES HE MEAN AGAIN” Delta screamed.
“He beat me several times before this day.” The stallion laughed, and then burped. It smelt like a bar had been crushed into his mouth.
“What the actual FUCK?” Delta screamed at Alpha. It was as though she could tear him apart any minute. Something I could never do. Something I never wanted to.
Alpha replied, “Delta” he said as tough teaching a dog to be quiet, “He created the fungus, the creature that has killed so many of us. He is to blame.” He paused, to see if the grey pony would reply, “Him and his bitch wife.”
“MY BITCH WIFE.” He put particular strain on the word bitch, as though he had been told his most prized possession, was a pile of crap. “My bitch wife who died because she couldn’t handle what we created, my bitch wife who died and turned me into this” I assumed he meant the alcoholism, although he could have meant anything else, he was crying by this point, and he told us everything. The whole story, all while: trashing, shaking, and crying. “... We never got it to work, Delta”, this was directed to her, “that’s what he called you minute ago.” Delta nodded, “you’ll get it done a lot faster now you have a sample.”
He pulled a knife out and slashed his own throat open, laughing while doing it. Hot, thick, red blood streamed over me, I screamed. I could no longer avoid death. There was no use trying anymore.
“What the hell happened to this world, and it only took 2 years” I said. Everypony was there except for Delta.
Everyone looked at me in confusion “why 2 years?” Beta asked.
“Because I was in a coma, have I not told you all that?” I said, “The calendar was 2 years ahead, I presumed we stopped using calendars a while ago. So just over 2 years should be right.”
“YOU’RE THE GIRL IN THE COMA” Eta exclaimed, “YOU WOKE UP.”
Alpha looked at me, regret in his eyes, “Theta, you were in a coma for 12 years, you turned 28 2 days ago.”
Sudden realisation hit my eyes, my blue coat and black hair became suddenly apparent, “I had just had twins.”
“You were 16.” Zeta said, she rarely spoke, she must have been shocked.
“I was also a lesbian.” I waited to see either shock or empathy. Or both, neither of them happened. “Did you never think that the rainbows and blossoms were hiding something?” I remembered finding out I was pregnant, deciding to keep it, found out it was twins, deciding to keep them, having the children, deciding to keep them. I remember falling asleep, and that’s what I did I fainted for at least a minute. But a minute is nothing over 12 years. A mind may know this, but a soul does not, and that minute felt longer than all of the 12 years combined, I dreamt of Delta, I dreamt of freedom, but mostly of Epsilon, my daughter, who died. She died before her mother. No mother should see her child die. Especially if they did not know that they were.
“I remember something. They stayed with my sister. That’s one of the only things I know.” I said this to Alpha, but then I looked at Eta. “You raised them?”
“Yes, we married just after you fell asleep.”
A glitter of hope filled my heart, I’m glad it was only a glitter, “Where is she?”
“She visited you on the first day of the infection. She died” all hope in my soul died in that moment. I thought I would collapse again, but I did not, I couldn’t. No now.
Delta entered, and left with Beta, they went to the balcony, presumably to smoke, I didn’t know this at this point, but later it would be glaringly obvious there were no other reasons.
We had a small amount of dinner; it was essentially old bars of chocolate from a drawer, and biscuits which were now soggy. It was still better than nothing. We all talked, Delta said that the stallion was talking about himself, he had the fungus in his blood, and she could now speed up her progress, she said she might need a week, I congratulated her. She thanked me.
It was the most beautiful moment of my life. And that is what we should live for, beautiful moments. Moments like sunsets and fireworks, like seeing a loved one achieve, like falling in love. Like having someone fall in love with you. Staring into the fire and screaming ‘yes, yes I will’ and falling into the upwards spiral that is love.
Having them fall in love with you, it is like being set free from a 10 year old cage you never knew you were in. It is beautiful. The moon on the sea late at night, glistening in the shadows.
Those are moments we should live for. Those are the moments we do not.
I overheard Beta and Delta talking after the small amount of dinner we had, “are we gonna stay together tonight.” Beta said, I never knew he was so demanding. It wasn’t what he said; he just stood over her, and whispered much louder and menacingly than she did.
“No.” Delta said, “I had, other plans.”
Understanding perfectly he screamed, “What Mr Gamma, go ahead, go FUCK HIM, YOU FUCKING WHORE.” Everyone heard this, but no one got out I time before Delta punched him in the muzzle, he bled, I pulled them apart, Delta grabbed me and hugged me. We ran off together to the rooms, “for Christ’s sake, you slut.” We heard him scream.
“Can I stay with you?” Delta asked, my soul was filled with thoughts and ideas and I had to stay calm, I couldn’t just scream ‘hell to the yes.’ I had to make an impression, even if nothing happened, it would be wonderful.
Luckily I didn’t scream ‘hell to the yes’, I in fact screamed, “hella to the fucking yes.” This made her laugh.
“Well then, see you tonight.” She then kissed me on the cheek and left, we had many hours till we needed sleep. So I decided to see Zeta about things.
“Earlier you were shocked to hear I was 16, why?” I said to Zeta, “you never talk, why you would do it then?”
“Because I was shocked to hear that ponies would rape a 16 year-old mare.” She replied, “What other reason would there be.”
“I have no idea, I was curious.” I said, only slightly remorseful, “sorry.”
“You don’t have to be, curiosity is natural. If you happen to find something, it might save your life.
Up until this point, Zeta had been cooking; she made us all food, even beta, which at this point smelt entirely of cigarettes. We all had dried blood on us; there were no showers at this point. All of us had a slight tint of red on us, permanently stained on. We were all used to it by this point, and tonight was the night all of us changed. We changed for better; for worse.
Delta was with me that night. We just stayed together, in each other’s arms. In a way it was better than anything happening. It was nicer, sweeter. It brought us closer. Over the night I found out many things. She’s much nicer and brighter than she seems. She had red eyes. I also found out something I knew I never wanted to know.
“I need to tell you something” she told me. As though she could forget at any moment.
I replied, “What is it?”
“I used to be a lady, that is, men or women bought me nice things and I slept with them.” She apologetically told me.
“So Beta...”
“I pretend to be in a relationship with them, I had to break up with him.”
“So, you are a whore.”
“No please don’t take it that way, it was either date rich men, or get beaten in alleyways on Friday nights. I had to live, not just survive.”
“You’re still a whore, I never said it was a bad thing,” I joked. But she obviously didn't find it funny.
She put her muzzle into my shoulder. I wanted to move, but I didn't out of fear of scaring her, she’s a lot more timid than she looks, like a bee, can sting you, but would rather run away. Her hair touched mine. Her legs intertwined with mine. I kissed her forehead. “Of course I’m a whore.” She smiled and said. “Wasn’t it blatantly obvious, I mean look at Beta.”
“You’re with me aren’t you?”
“Who’s to say I’m not whoring you.”
“If you think I’m buying you things...”
“We don’t have to date, in fact, I’d much rather be friends than have sex and then leave someone.” She said sternly.
“Why’d you have to leave me?”
“That’s how it goes in this world, nothing is goddamn perfect. Let me tell you a story. There was a man called Ai, he met a girl called Natasha. She was a whore. They stayed friends, and he witnessed many things...”
It turned midnight, it was a new day.
DAY 4
She had just left a girl’s company. She was drunk. She was very drunk. The kind of drunk you’d get at a party. But she was at no party.
She was a low life whore; she did it for the money. She had a heroin addiction, and every so often she would meet a man who’d beat the shit out of her in an alleyway. But her life became better as she made money.
She wore nicer dresses. Men started to court her, as part of their little ‘games’, she made more money, better dresses. Eventually she was the nicer kind of slut. Ai had watched the girl from afar since the beginning; he actually once saved her teeth from being knocked out of her mouth. After about 2 weeks he spoke to her, he himself courted her. But it was no game.
They fell in love. Madly so, she still gave ponies her body, she was still courted. He didn’t care, he didn’t think he cared. One night they were together, hugging and kissing, making as much of their time together as possible it was beautiful, their bodies intertwined like vines. That night, he told her he loved, she agreed, she agreed that she no matter what, would always love him.
But one day he ran away. He just left with no indication. Her heroin addiction returned. She cried herself to sleep. She slowly slipped to being a low-life whore again. And there was only one escape this time. Only one possible release.
There she stood on the tallest building in equestrian, wind blew through her mane, and she had wings. But at this point she could not use them. She had just left a man behind, he must have liked her; he had had her several times before. Her body began to fall limp before her, she began to fall.
“You should watch your step.” Said a stallion as he grabbed her and saved her from the grip of death itself, it was him, it was Ai. “You might fall.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, it came out much more pleased than she was. “You left me, it was you. You did this, you piece of cowshit.” She was crying, tears ran down her face.
“I had to leave, your current boyfriend saw us, he threatened me not only with a knife, but a gang. He was in a gang- and he wanted to kill me.”
She looked away in disgust. How dare he? He left her alone. “You see this” she gestured to the many holes in her arm. “This was you.”
“Please.” He said, trembling now, “do you still love me?”
“OF COURSE I STILL LOVE YOU.” She screamed, her voice rasped. Her throat hurt. “Every day I go to bed and think of you, of your game you called love. I cried at least twice a day, I hoped and I prayed for you to return, every needle I used made me remember you. Of course I still fucking love you. But we seem to have different meanings.” She was crying. Her body shook. Like a fire, not yet stilled, but un-moving.
“We don’t have different meanings, I was going to be killed Natasha, they were going to bloody kill me because I loved you, I spent the last 3 weeks watching over you so you didn’t get killed yourself. I should have helped, but I couldn’t.”
They hugged, both visibly crying. Whispering their love into each-others ears.
But jealousy is an aggressive bitch. The man Natasha was with, he came up to see what was going on- he beat Ai. He kicked the shit out of him until he was vomiting. Natasha ran away. She never saw the man or Ai ever again.
Because that is how the world works.
“Now you know the story, the story of love, betrayal, heartbreak. And now you know my real name.” Delta waited a moment for the story to sink in. But I already understood. I held tighter than I ever have. I put my face against hers. And we slept. Besides, the morning would be a lot longer.
There were many things I needed to ask, “Natasha?”
“Yes.” She replied, speaking higher towards the end, indicating a question.
“Did you ever get over the heroin addiction?”
She waited a second, 2, 3. Then she looked down herself, shame filled her bright red eyes. “No. Look I need to go somewhere, you know where, but you can’t tell anyone.” She then ran, she left the house and ran away. I wondered if I would ever see her again.
Breakfast ran as normal, prepared by Zeta, eaten by all of us, except for Natasha. “Theta, you stayed with Delta.” Alpha said, it took me by surprise. “Where is she gone?”
I shrugged, I was not very good at lying, and this would be much easier.
“That’s too bad.” He said wrinkling his muzzle slightly. “Beta?” he called
“What do you want?” it was clear that he was very hung-over. The way he walked, the way he spoke.
“Do you know where Delta is?”
“Probably some crack den somewhere.” He said with mild sarcasm, it was only mild though, and he thought only he knew that. So he laughed at his own bad joke.
After they all left, Alpha came up to me, he whispered, “I saw that look. That was the look that means he was telling the truth. Go get her. Now.”
So I left as well.
Unfortunately I do not know many crack dens. But after a few hours searching, I found one. In a burnt down old house. It was disgusting; there were needles on the floor, covering it. The sound of breathing was loud enough to be audible. That’s where I found Natasha. Lying on the floor, preparing to inject herself.
There was a crib in the corner of the room. It was empty. But presumably it once wasn’t. There was a particularly pony shaped fire in the corner; I went straight to ask Natasha, “What is the fire?”
“Theta.” She said as she opened her eyes. “What are you doing here?”
I asked again, less patient this time, “what is the fire?”
“Force of old habit. They can’t let ponies find dead bodies here.” She replied quietly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to get you back.” I said, I then realised that probably wasn’t enough reason, “under Alpha’s orders.”
She injected herself, she collapsed- she had obviously overdosed, which means she had died. I gave a quick primary survey, then CPR, she needed it. She wasn’t moving, she wasn’t breathing. I was crying but I had to keep going. It took at least 20 minutes but I got her back to life. Then we left.
“Never take it again. OK” I said to her.
“OK.” She replied.
Back at the house, things were less perfect.
There was a body in front of the house, the house had 3 stories, the third story window was broken; Beta had committed suicide out a 3rd story window.
