Discord's Day out

by corperalking

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Random
Length: 8478

Discord has a holiday while the Mane Six are away.

Discord, the spirit of Disharmony, can be… well, eccentric. He loves to see chaos, so when his friends, and more importantly, their elements of harmony, go missing, he takes to the town and has a day out. Of course, then he'll have to clean up before his friends, mostly Fluttershy, get home, or else he'll get the Stare again.

P.S. I know that the Mane Six don't have the elements anymore, let's just say that Discord forgot about that.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-22 17:24:44 UTC

Twilight's Trip

It was a warm and sunny day in Ponyville, and Twilight Sparkle woke to find a beam of warm sunlight shining through her window. This was unusual for her, as in her old home, the Golden Oak Library, her bed was on the other side of her home from the rising sun. She generally woke to see the moon setting below the horizon as if Princess Luna was waving goodbye across the long distance from Canterlot.

"Mrrfh," Twilight grumbled, holding her pillow over her head. It had only been three weeks since her old home had destroyed, and she still wasn't used to her new living conditions.

"Spiike!"she called out, as the irritatingly sweet voices of birds chirped happily outside her window. She amused herself imagining how Fluttershy would react if she saw the birds.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the oaken floor as a puffing purple drake wandered into Twilight's bedroom, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"You wanted something, Twi?"asked the drake, leaning towards the purple alicorn expectantly.

"Yes Spike," she mumbled, rising from her covers  and yawning, stretching her legs till her hooves started to ache. "What's my day's schedule say?" The sleepy drake groaned, before fumbling around for a scroll the size of a loaf of bread.

"Lets see. Today you need to..."The drake petered off, checking the vast checklist for the next thing on it. "Ah! Today you're going to the Crystal Ball!" Twilight shot out of bed, almost hitting her head on the ceiling of the lavishly adorned room.

"That's TODAY!" screamed Twilight, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" Spike rolled his eyes before saying

"Calm down, Twilight! It's not a big deal!"

"It IS a big deal!" Twilight shouted back, pacing around in panic, "The Crystal ball is the Crystal empire's second biggest celebration! Cadence specifically invited me, and I REALLY don't want to disappoint her!"

Spike rolled his eyes as Twilight flew into her usual panic.

"If I'm late Cadence might think I don't want to see her anymore! She might decide I hate her. She could hate me forever and ever and ever! Whatever am I gonna do!"

"Calm down, Twilight. What's the problem?" Twilight span around to him, a few hairs falling out of her mane, and shrieked back

"What's the problem? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM! I was supposed to take the train yesterday! All my friends are already there! Oh, this is bad, this is really, really bad. If I'm late, Celestia may think I can't take the responsibility of being a princess!! I'll have failed her!"

"Yeah, that isn't going to happen," Spike stated.

"But what if it does? She could take away my wings, and cast me aside, and throw me in a dungeon, or banish me from Equestria, or banish me and then..."

Twilight's worrying was cut short by a familiar deep voice.

"Oooh, having a bit of a transportation issue, are we?" Twilight sighed and said

"Not now, Discord, please not now!"

"Oh, bit I just heard one of my closest, and most caring friends needed help," Discord replied, "And I simply HAD to help her! You wanted a train, didn't you?"

As soon as twilight nodded, a huge pink locomotive burst through the side of her tree with a huge CRASH! Out of the driver's seat leapt Discord, the Draconequus. He was wearing an old timey train driver's hat, and as he exited the locomotive it disintegrated into fragments which flew apart and slowly flew together to completely reform the wall, just as it was before the train crashed through it.

"SURPRISE!" laughed Discord, snickering as the exasperated look on both Twilight and Spike's faces.

"Too much?" he asked, looking a bit downtrodden. Twilight and Spike simply rolled their eyes.

"Anyway, I thought I'd inform you that the express train to the Crystal Empire is leaving in twenty minutes," said Discord, "That should leave you time to pack..." He trailed off and started wandering towards the wall. Opening a previously nonexistent door in the wall he called

"See you later, my little ponies!"

"Oh Celestia! 20 Minutes! TWENTY MINUTES!" Twilight started panicking, but Spike simply rolled his eyes and started packing Twilight's things. He hadn't gotten very far when the thunderous roar of Twilight panicking sounded from above.

"SPIIIIKE!!"

"Yes, Twilight," called the drake, puffing into the room, "I'm already packing."

"Oh, what would I do without you?" asked Twilight with a smile. "Hold on, I'll help."

With that the two started packing like wildfire. Crown, dress, books, toothbrush, more books, gems for Spike, and yet more books were packed by the duo, and before they knew it they were fully packed and ready to go.

The two headed down to the train station, only to feel their jaws drop when they arrived. A huge locomotive shaped almost exactly like a Draconequus perched atop the tracks, behind it a line of bright purple cars with Twilight's face painted all over them, and leaning against the hideous train was...

"DISCORD!" both Spike and Twilight shouted.

"Whaaat?" whined the Draconequus, "My beeest friend," (at this he teleported forwards and ran a claw across Twilight's cheek),"needed a train. So I as a good friend provided one."

Twilight couldn't argue with that one, for as hideous as the train was, she needed to get to the Crystal Empire, and pronto. With a sigh Twilight stepped into the nearest train car with spike behind her, and waited.

She didn't have to wait long, as no more then a minute after she entered the vehicle she heard Discord shout "All aboard to the Crystal Empire!" and the train started moving.

Discord then teleported inside the carriage right in front of Twilight and said "Farewell, Au revoir, Arriverderci, Farvel, Despedida and all that."

Twilight rolled her eyes, but then remembered something. "Discord?" She asked.

"Yeees?" replied the eager Draconequus.

"No crashing through walls while I'm gone, okay?"

Sighing, Discord crossed his eagle claws behind his back before placing his lion paw on his heart and saying "I promise."

*10 minutes later*

CRASH!! A Draconequus riding a train crashed through the wall of Sugarcube Corner.

A little cup of cake, please!

One does not expect the lord of Chaos riding a train to suddenly crash through one's wall, but stranger things happened on a daily basis in Ponyville. Therefore, after a short start Mrs. Cup Cake merely turned and, with the years of practice dealing with customers, her two foals and Pinkie Pie, said "Hello, sir. What can I get you" in a bland voice.

Discord did not, however, appreciate being spoken to in such a blank voice, and as the train he was riding melted away to fix the hole in the wall, said "Oh come on! Not even a LITTLE surprise? You old timers are sooooo boring!"

Cup Cake simply smiled, and repeated " Hello sir, what can I get you".

Discord groaned. This mare was really starting to get under his skin. However, hearing crying from upstairs, he turned around and grinned. He knew just how to get a rise out of this mare, and he intended to do it.

"I'd like a piece of Pound Cake," the Draconequus stated, "With cinnamon."

This was more along the lines of what Cup Cake wanted. She looked Discord in the mismatched eyes and, allowing a small smile onto her face, said "Certainly. How much would you like?"

Discord chuckled menacingly, tapping his fingers and claws together, and said, perfectly dead-pan, "Oh, just a wing will do!"

Cup Cake was confused for a second, but a bright flash of light later and her pegasus foal, Pound Cake, was in Discord's eagle talon. She gasped.

"You don't mean..." she spluttered, but at an evil look from Discord she shrieked "Get away from Pound Cake you monster!"

Discord calmly placed the foal, who was giggling over the silly look on his mother's face, onto the counter, and cracked up laughing. Literally, he laughed so hard he split in to and peeled apart like a banana skin. Cup Cake did not find this funny, and neither did Carrot Cake, who, hearing his wife shrieking at the top of her lungs downstairs, had grabbed Pumpkin Cake, who he was fussing over, and ran down to see what the problem was.

Discord melded back into one piece and, still chuckling over his own joke, replied "Oh, come now, why would I want to eat your foal? Can you think of what Fluttershy would say if she found out?"

The Cakes did not seem amused.

Discord remembered something and then said, rather hastily, "Oh yes, and I wouldn't want to hurt such a sweet little thing!" At this he reached over and pinched Pound Cake's cheek, atomizing an elderly grandma costume onto himself as he did so. Pound Cake frowned and waved his hooves at the unwelcome intruder of his personal space. Pumpkin cake just laughed.

"Now that that's over, I think someone deserves an apology!" remarked both Cup and Carrot Cake.

Discord grinned and said "Oh okay, I forgive you."

The Cakes were not amused. Actually the foals were very amused, as their parents were pulling funny faces again, but the older two Cakes were unimpressed to say the very least.

Discord finally wiped the grin off his face and snapped "Okay, fine. I'm sorry." He wanted to tease them, but he wasn't going to be genuinely mean anymore, Fluttershy wouldn't want it that way.

"We forgive you, Discord," said Cup Cake as Carrot grabbed the two foals in his mouth and preceded to return upstairs. "Now, did you come here to buy something, or just to be a pain in the flank?"

"Actually, yes. I'm throwing a party in honor of my one day of freedom, and I'd like to buy some of your Zap-Apple Cupcakes. Fluttershy recommended them to me.

Somewhere in the Crystal Empire, a pink earth pony shivered and said "Did somepony just say party?"

Auto-cannibalism and You

Discord merrily strolled along one of Ponyville's roads, spinning the box of cupcakes on his claw and wondering where to go next. Eventually, after bumping into a wall-eyed pegasus, he decided that a truly epic party like the one he wanted needed a band. And what better then Ponyville's own DJ Pon-3.

Altering his course and nearly being flattened by the same wall-eyed pegasus, this time flying after a small unicorn filly, Discord strolled along the roads to find his quarry. He merrily skipped through the town, deliberately so, and arrived outside a large, rustic house. A sign on the door read 'Vinyl Scratch and Octavia'.

Discord was about to knock when he saw a familiar butter-yellow pegasus gesturing to him from a nearby alleyway. He shrugged, then headed over. As soon as he got close, however, he said with a note of urgency "Fluttershy? You're supposed to be in the Crystal Empire!

The pegasus merely shook her head and burst into green flames. Discord was taken aback, but quickly remembered himself and said "Ah. You."

The flames dissipated, and where the pegasus had been standing stood a large, dark alicorn with bug wings and a skin like Swiss cheese. It was a changeling.

"Yes, Discord," spoke the changeling in something of an ethereal voice that echoed like crazy, "I am Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings, defeater of Celestia, bane of..."

Discord merely groaned and said "yes, yes, I get it, You're a big deal, and I know who you are. What are you doing here?"

Chrysalis dropped all regality and pride, hunching over, obvious bags under her eyes, which were dimmer then usual.

"After the attack on Canterlot we've been unable to find anypony to feed off." said Chrysalis, desperation written across her face. "My people are starving and there's only so much I can do for them. Already I'm growing weak. Discord, we need your help!"

Discord merely shrugged.

"Please," continued Chrysalis, "my people are starving!"

Discord raised an eyebrow, suppressing his evil laugh for now. He looked at Crysalis, trying to keep his face blank, and said "Wow, Chrysalis, you must really love your people!"

Discord walked away, chuckling.

Behind him, Chrysalis smacked her lips, and, with a hesitant look on her face, began to eat her own foreleg.

I Wub Dubstep

Discord was pleased. He'd managed to get revenge on that nasty changeling for being so mean to Fluttershy.

Oh, and his other friends, but, mostly Fluttershy.

Now he just needed to organize the DJ. It had been a pleasant side-track, but he really wanted this party to be perfect, and what pony in their right mind doesn't like dubstep.

Arriving again at the sign stating "Vinyl Scratch and Octavia", he noticed a small buzzer. The buzzer boasted a note, written on fancy paper with musical notes all around it, asking "Ring Me!"

Discord was happy to oblige, and so he pressed the buzzer. He expected just a simple 'Ding-dong' to let the inhabitants know there was someone at the door.

Therefore he was quite surprised when, instead of a two note jingle, he heard dubstep.

"Wub, wubwub wub wuwub wub!"

There was the sound of hoofsteps inside the house.

"Chikachika wub wub wub wub!"

The hoofsteps stopped outside the door, and the draconequus heard somepony call out "Hello?"

"Wub! Wuwuwub! Wuwuwub! wewawuwuwuwb! Wub Wub Wub!"

"Is Vinyl home?" asked Discord.

"Wub wub wub wuwb. WUUUUUB!" The dubstep seemed to finally be over.

"Who, might I ask, is looking for her?" asked the pony inside, who Discord guessed was this 'Octavia' pony.

"Oh, just a friend. I'm looking to hire her for a gig this afternoon."

The door opened, but a grey earth pony blocked his path.

"She's in the basement, working on her Bass Cannon," the pony stated, matter-of-factly.

Discord was taken aback. Why was someone working on a Bass Cannon, and WHY WASN'T IT HIM!!!

"Bass Cannon?" he spluttered.

"Yes. Bass Cannon. Ever since she read that Grey Songbird comic I lent her, she's been obsessed with weaponising her dubstep. The Bass Cannon is the last in a long line of failed attempts."

Discord paused for a moment at this. It was an interesting idea. Not even his magic could control sound-waves, so it would be able to penetrate through wards like a hot talon through butter. Also, in the capable hooves of this Vinyl pony, well, who knows what it could achieve?

Also, it seemed fun and chaotic. Mostly that reason.

"Does she need any help?" Discord asked, practically squeeing with glee.

"I'm sure help would be appreciated. Just... Be careful. Vinyl isn't known for being either sane or cautious."

Discord was starting to like the sound of this Vinyl pony

"No, she's a dubstep-obsessed reckless lunatic."

At this point Discord was starting to understand why Twilight occasionally danced in circles screaming "Yes" repeatedly. At that point he was tempted to do it himself.

Octavia sighed. A lord of Chaos, and, more importantly, Vinyl in a room together. She'd have to keep checking up on them, and that would cut into her practice session. Oh well, it was kind of her responsibility. Vinyl may be talented, but she acted like a child and needed others to help reel her back in.

Not even trying to hold back his delight, Discord merrily skipped inside. He'd have to reward that Octavia sometime. Maybe he'd give her a chocolate double-bass for Hearths Warming. Who didn't love Chocolate?

Arriving at a door stating, in no uncertain words, "Vinyl's Dungeon, Knock before Entering," Discord, for all his desire to burst in like a cannonball, slowed himself down and knocked.

He heard from inside a muffled voice say "Who is it?"

Deciding to make a good impression by playing a small prank, Discord put on his best voice and replied "It's Octavia. Just checking up!"

Vinyl audibly sighed and stated "No it isn't. For starters, that was clearly not a hoof knocking. It was a claw of some kind. Secondly, Octive checks up on me every half hour, and it's only been twenty-five minutes. And finally, if it was her, she'd be calling herself Octive."

Discord wondered if this is what love was like, but quickly shook himself and told himself "No, Discord, you felt the same way about Fluttershy. And, to a lesser extent, Pinkie Pie. And those fillies, whatever their names are. Play it cool, D."

He dropped the act and stated, "You're right. It's Discord."

Immediately he was met by a tirade of fury. The only words he made out were "What! You... Classical music... Octive's thing... I like dubstep... How DARE you!.. In my bucking name!.."

Discord decided to stop here there before things got out of hand. Mustering up all his willpower, he said two words that, for him, were harder than many extraordinary feats of magic. "I'm... Sorry."

Vinyl opened the door, a huge smile on her face, and said, "Oh, well in that case I forgive you. But please don't do it again."

Vinyl cheerily showed the draconequus who, not fifteen seconds ago she's been shouting her head off at, around her room. It was surprisingly cheerful for a basement. Mechanical parts were littered everywhere, and there were many, MANY broken marrequins lying about, but what really drew the eye was the centerpiece of the room.

There was what looked like a perfectly normal DJ's table, with a MASSIVE subwoofer on the front.

"Do you like my Bass Cannon?" Vinyl asked, before her smile wavered a bit, "Only problem is, the amplification spell I'm working on needs what's called a balance sphere, and that need Chaos Magic. Apparently, the only known creatures who can use chaos magic are some extinct race called 'Firebirds', and... Draconequui."

Discord didn't even need to be asked. The look of realization on her face was all he needed.

"So... You want me to help you with this?" asked Discord.

Vinyl looked a bit nervous, and said, "Well... Yeah. I mean, if ya want to. It says Unicorns can only control Order Magic. For a balance sphere we need both kinds of magic, and a spherical container."

Vinyl held up a glass sphere and asked, "So, wanna help me make a bass cannon?"

It was actually a rather nice feeling, working together with his natural opposite to create something he could never do on his own. He had, of course, heard about balance spheres, but he's always discounted them as myth or propoganda. But here it was, the ultimate magical battery.

Living proof that Chaos and Order are not mutually exclusive.

Proof that he could belong.

He could not only survive surrounded by order, but he could grow because of it. He had always felt, always known, deep inside, that order was a lack of chaos, and visa versa.

For the first time in his life he began to doubt.

Of course, the moment was thoroughly ruined by Octavia bursting in, screaming "Viny? I heard a loud bang!"

Discord was shaken out of his thoughts, and seeing the two embrace he said, "Get a room, you two!"

Octavia and Vinyl blushed, and Octavia stepped over to him. She muttered, "It's not like that, Discord."

Discord raised an eyebrow.

Octavia's blush deepened, and she continued, "See, Vinyl never really had any parents. Her mother died when she was young, and her father never cared about her. She's never had what most take for granted. I think... I-I think that's why she's still... Still kind of like a filly at heart."

Octavia took on a motherly look and continued, "I can't have kids, but... Well, when Vinyl first moved in it was simply because I needed a roommate. But now... Well..."

Discord held up a claw to silence her and said, "I think I understand."

Once again,the tender moment was interrupted, this time by Vinyl yelling, "Hey! Octive! Look what Discord helped me make!"

Fitting it into a slot in her Bass Cannon, she fired up the turntables. Almost immediately a concussive shockwave blew the door to the rest of the house off it's hinges.

Discord and Vinyl both laughed at Octavia's face, and Discord quickly hurried over.

"Hey,Vinyl, before I forget..."

"Yes?"

"I need a DJ for a party I'm holding this afternoon..."

Discord the Apple

Having organised the DJ and tricked the changeling queen to attempt to eat herself, Discord decided that he needed some fresh produce for his party. He could have just created it out of thin air, but seriously, where would the fun be in that? No, he was going to go buy some apples. With bits he created out of thin air.

For the first time since shooing away Twilight, he was upset that one of his friends who wasn't Fluttershy was gone. After all, Applejack was so much fun to tease. She took everything so seriously. Now the Sweet Apple Acres apple stand was manned by her brother, a huge red stallion.

Discord decided to start by asking the obvious.

"Do you sell apples here?" Discord asked to the red stallion with an apple for a cutie mark, manning a stand filled with apples and decorated with images of apples.

"Eeyup" replied the stallion.

"Will you sell me some?" Asked Discord.

"Eeyup."

"Can you say anything else but Eeyup?"

"Eeyup"

Will you?"

"Nnope"

"Ha! You just contradicted yourself!"

The stallion seemed to be unfazed by Discord's teasing, and gestured a hoof at a sign stating 'Apples, 3 bits a kilogram'

Discord was quite frustrated. This stallion simply refused to get annoyed, not even a little bit! In a huff he slapped some coins on the counter, grabbed some apples and made to storm off when a small yellow earth pony filly with a huge bow in her red hair almost bowled him over.

The tiny filly jumped up and down and spluttered out at high speed "Big Mac! Big Mac! We really need your help! We were trying to get our cutie marks in spelunking, but Scootaloo got trapped under a rock! Sweetie Belle's trying to help him, but she can't do it! We need your help or Scootaloo could... She could..."

The tiny filly burst into tears, and Discord felt something in his chest twinge. It was probably hunger, he reasoned to himself.

The filly looked up at Discord and, wiping tears from her eyes, said "Mister Discord, could ya please help get Scootaloo out? I'm not sure if Big Mac can do it, it's a really big rock. Please?"

Discord tried to say no, he really did, but against his will he felt himself say "Oh, alright."

The filly grabbed his goat leg in a big hug and cried "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Grimly, he peeled the filly off his leg and asked "Where is your friend?"

The filly said "Oh, we were in the old diamond dog mines out by the..."

As soon as she said that, Discord dumped his cupcakes and apples and teleported there.

Standing by the entrance to a nearby cave was an equally tiny unicorn filly, possibly even smaller and cuter than the other one.

She jumped to her feet and fell over at the sight of Discord suddenly appearing. Discord sighed and said "Is this Sweetie Belle?"

The yellow filly nodded. "Yup! That's Sweetie Belle and I'm Apple Bloom!"

Discord merely nodded and headed over to Sweetie Belle. Helping her up he suddenly remembered why these fillies looked so familiar. They were the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and a little while ago they'd made him an honorary member. Realizing that one of the first people to ever trust him was in danger he urgently asked "Sweetie Belle, Where is Scootaloo?"

Sweetie Belle gestured for him to follow and lead him deep, deep underground. After about ten minutes they arrived at the site of a recent cave-in. Small, pained whimpers were coming from it, and in horror Discord saw a poor little orange pegasus filly pinned under a rock the size of a royal chariot. The poor, tiny pegasus was flapping one of her wings like it was her only hope, the other was underneath the rock. She looked so broken, so fragile, so helpless that Discord felt something inside him snap.

Reaching out with his magic, he desperately tried to budge the boulder, but instead he ended up turning it into jam. He noticed the filly scream in horror as the red goop poured over her, but then she tasted some, and, realizing it was jam, jump up yelling "Yay!"

She immediately screamed as she accidentally pulled something, and as she fell back to the ground Discord caught her. It was funny, he was so small. He could hold her with one hand. He looked all over her, and found she'd broken many of the bones in her pinned wing, and a few ribs, plus she was cut and bruised all over.

Pulling a few bandages out of thin air, he set to work bandaging the filly, putting band-aids on her numerous cuts, and gently singing to her to help her feel a bit better while he worked. After he was done with that he said "She needs to go to the hospital."

The odd group, Discord and three fillies, one bandaged up like a mummy, headed together back into town and over to the hospital. On the way, Discord found himself feeling... Good inside. Like he was happy or something. He didn't say much, he was just listening to the Crusaders talk.

Scootaloo expressed excitement because Rainbow Dash had also been to hospital with a broken wing. Sweetie Belle expressed relief, saying "It was really scary, she was just... pinned!"

And Apple Bloom? She expressed pride that Discord, who once would have laughed at their situation and probably would have been the cause of it, had now saved Scootaloo from probable death.

Before Discord knew it, they were at the hospital. Sweetie decided to stay with Scootaloo, but Apple Bloom dragged Discord back over to Sweet Apple Acres, saying she needed to talk with her family. Discord said that he would, but she'd need to pay him for his time in apples.

And that was how, after a lengthy conversation, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith and Big McIntosh exited the Apple family barn and said, in unison, "We'd like to declare you an honorary member of the Apple Family!"

Though he felt touched inside, Discord merely shrugged and said "Fine, fine, but can I go now?"

He headed off, hoping nopony had stolen his cupcakes.

Under a moon-lit sky

Discord needed a snack. All those twinges in his chest, he must be starving. Plus he deserved a treat, what with single-talonedly saving a filly's life. He figured one or two or three of the cupcakes he'd bought would do.

He walked back to the apple cart. Two of the ponies who had dragged him over to their farm were trotting alongside him, one the yellow filly, yabbering on about a reunion in 98 moons and tasty fritters and stuff, the other the red stallion, quietly smiling at his sister's antics.

They arrived back by the apple cart, and Discord saw, to his relief, that his stuff was still there. Good. He took one of the cupcakes out and was about to eat it when he saw the filly staring up at him longingly. Rolling his eyes, he held the cupcake in his paw, and pulling it with his talon, he created an exact duplicate out of thin air.

He held it down to the filly, who instantly began nomming at it eagerly. That would keep her occupied. One would hardly believe how much noise such a tiny creature could create, but then, one would also marvel at how easy it was to shut them up. All it took was an infinitely duplicating cupcake and BAM! Blessed silence.

Discord hear a soft 'poof' from behind him, and as he bit into his own treat he imagined the look on the filly's face when another cupcake burst into existence right in front of her, and almost sprayed crumbs everywhere laughing. Savoring the delicious treat, he slowly took to the air and drifted back home, reclining on nothing and making a mental note to thank Fluttershy for the recommendation. Those Zap-apple cupcakes truly were divine.

Maybe now he was an honorary Apple, he'd get a portion of the Zap-apple harvest.

Maybe Applejack would freak out when she found out his new title.

Maybe that big, black chariot overhead would be bad for the crops.

Wait a second... Discord knew that chariot, but couldn't remember who it belonged to. He was about to try to remember when his ears rang with a tremendous noise. Focusing on it he realized it was words spoken with an old Equish tint at over 150 decibels.

"CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! THIS IS YOUR GLORIOUS PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT! WE HAVE ACQUIRED SOME TIME AWAY FROM OUR MANY ROYAL DUTIES FOR A MUCH-NEEDED VACATION! WE HAVE HEARD TELL OF A CELEBRATION BEING PREPARED HERE, AND WE HAVE DECIDED TO JOIN YOU!!!"

Discord's ringing ears just made out a faint call from behind him.

"Luna?"

He barely had time to try to remember what that word was associated with when the loud voice continued on, actually shattering a window in the Carousel Boutique.

"HOWEVER, WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT AT THE CELEBRATION WE MUST BE READY TO GET DOWN, ONLY THE TOWN SQUARE IS OCCUPIED AND WE DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO LAND OUR CHARIOT!!"

"Luna!"

"FOR THE CELEBRATION FEAST WE HAVE BROUGHT SWEETENED BREAD RINGS AND THE CARBONATED JUICE OF ORANGES!!"

"LUNA!!!!"

Discord looked around and saw that drake... Spike, he thought, normally purple cheeks crimson, puffing like a bellows...

He was supposed to be on the train, wasn't he?

He heard a voice, much quieter now and recognizable enough to send chills down Discord's spine call out from the chariot "Yes, sorry, we... I was swept away in the thrill of it all."

A black alicorn Discord knew only too well flew out of the chariot, made a gesture to the thestrals pulling it, and flew down to land right near Discord.

There were very few things on the planet Equa that Discord was afraid of, but Luna and her sister were one of them, though he'd never admit it to anyone. And though he'd made peace with Celestia, Luna was still a mystery to him. So he did the one thing he could think of.

He curled up into a ball and hid.

Watching the chariot slowly vanishing back towards the distant silhouette of Canterlot, he heard the thump of something heavy landing, followed by Spike saying "That's okay, Princess, we all forget things. And as for the party, you'll have to ask Discord, it's his party.

Discord silently cursed the drake who he knew, and was correct about, was pointing at him.

Discord was already making plans about how Spike would look as a pony, a hoofed creature with no claws for revealing stealthy hidden Draconequii, when he received a sharp poke on his back. He shrunk down tho the size of a mouse, not deliberately, but fe felt small and so he was.

He knew he couldn't teleport away, Luna would be expecting that and so she'd have taken precautions. He felt her hoof touching him.

"Oh Eris, she's gonna crush me," Discord thought that and started to panic.

He felt himself get picked up, and felt his fetal position get pried open by another hoof. He opened his eyes and saw a giant face right above his.

"She looks like she's gonna eat me! But... Ponies are herbivorous. Maybe it's different with alicorns. Oh..."

Due to the unpredictable nature of Discord's powers, he was unable to do anything as the giant alicorn lowered her head, opened her mouth and... started to talk.

"It seems my presence has startled you, Discord."

Discord nodded, sulking and embarrassed.

"As long as I have no reason to fear you, you have no reason to fear me," she contnued.

Discord regrew back to full size with a pop, and, clawing at the ground and trying to hide his blush and restore some dignity, he blustered, "Yes, well, um... Yes. Peace?"

He held out his claw and Luna shook it.

He smiled, and continued, "Okay... Well then. If we want to get this party ready by tonight, I'll need help. Could you hand out invites to the west side of town, and I'll take the east side. Deal?"

Luna nodded and said "Sure."

She flew off in the direction of town, and as she did so Discord turned to Spike.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the Crystal Empire?"

Spike blushed and said, "Actually, your train took off before I could get in. Oh, but I'm sure Twilight is fine, just fine. I'm okay, really."

Discord smiled and replied, "That's good. Could you do me a favor?"

Spike looked inquisitive, but suspiciously replied, "Maybe..."

"Could you help the others set up my party in the Town Center. I know I can trust you, Twilight does, and I trust her judgement!"

Discord didn't really trust Twilight's judgement, but he knew a bit of flattery in the right place could get you far.

Spike blushed and mumbled, "Yeah, well... I'm not sure... All that... But sure, okay!"

Discord turned away, concealing his grin and called, "Great. Thanks!"

He headed off towards town square.

Muffin Quest XVII

Derpy Hooves was a rather friendly pony. She loved her friends even more than muffins. But most ponies simply wrote her off as a mentally-handicapped klutz with Strabismus. But that wasn't true. She wasn't the fastest pony in Ponyville, true, but she truly did try. It really hurt her every time she hurt somepony else, but try as she might, she kept on doing it. The trouble with having two eyes that don't face the same direction is that it tends to lower your co-ordination significantly.

But she was more than all that. She was a loving mother, a talented baker, and a fantastic mailmare, to name only three things about her. It was a shame, really that nopony seemed to look past her handicaps to see the pony inside. Ditzy Doo they called her.

Poor, helpless Ditzy.

Annoying, frustrating Ditzy.

But even her own parents were no different. Derpy they called her.

But she didn't mind. She took all this in her stride like she did all the other hurdles life threw in her way. Her husband is away gallivanting with other girls most of the time leaving her to raise Dinky? She took that without a word. The entire town either treats her as an inconvenience or a foal? She simply let them be. Raving lunatics demanding she be disowned from Ponyville because of her disorder? She simply ignored them. Other ponies can think what they want to think, she thought, and she'd jsut have to take it in her stride.

But the fact of the matter was that beneath all of that, Derpy was a friendly pony. And she was lonely. She tried to tell herself that Dinky was all she needed in life, but the truth was that no words spoken to herself could convince her mind to ignore her base needs.

And so, when she received a knock on her door after three months of nopony visiting her, she hurried downstairs to see who it was. She thought it was probably the Jopony's Witnesses like last time, but she still intended to invite them in for some tea and a muffin or two.

But it wasn't the Jopony's Witnesses. Or the Filly Scouts.

It was Discord the Draconequus.

At first she was frightened, after all the last time she'd seen him Discord had turned her little dinky into a talking muffin and her into a mailbox, but after the surge of panic had died down it was replaced by curiosity. What was Discord doing at her home? She didn't know him, she'd certainly remember if she did. She thought she'd eloquently inquire as to why he was there.

"Hallo! Whatchu doin'?"

Discord had heard things about this "Derpy". And, of course, knowing what he did he decided to try sensitivity, not something he was good at. But it was supposed to work with fillies and colts, and apparently this pony was like a filly, just a bit older.

He reached out his paw and patted the mare on the head, ruffling her pale gold mane as he asked "Are you Derpy Hooves?"

Derpy grinned from ear to ear and replied "Sure am! You is Discord, right?"

Discord pasted on his most convincing fake smile and replied "Yes. I am. So..."

He was cut off by Derpy clappong her hooves. "Yay! I got it right!" she applauded to herself.

As Discord made to attempt to speak, Derpy looked up and continued "Umm... Would you like to come in for some tea? And muffins?"

Discord wanted to leave his message and go before he did something politically incorrect, but this pony seemed so excited at the thought of making him tea that he found he couldn't refuse. Nodding his head, he thought to himself "Well, free baked goods, I guess... Look on the bright side and all that."

Derpy was in the kitchen, patiently waiting for her home-made muffins to be finished. Her guest had fallen asleep almost half an hour ago, and her muffins were almost done. But she couldn't help but feel she was forgetting something. However, before she could try to remember precisely what she was interrupted by her guest stirring, mumbling something like "Stop... Lestia... No..."

Derpy quickly trotted into the room, but arrived just in time to be startled by Discord bursting upwards, screaming.

Derpy leapt back, catching herself just before she hit her head on the ceiling. She asked "You okay?"

Discord gulped, then nodded and said "Yeah, just a nightmare."

Derpy quickly sat down next to him and started petting his mane. This generally helped Dinky calm down when she'd had a nightmare. Unfortunately, instead of grabbing Discord's mane, she poked him in the eye.

Derpy said something she had an awful lot of experience saying.

"Oops, sorry. My bad."

Discord waved her apology away with one paw, and applied a comically oversized band-aid to his sore eye with the other talon. He was going to say something, but one sharp ding and a shuffle later Derpy had procured a huge tray of banana-blueberry muffins. They both took one and started munching.

Discord was pleasantly surprised. He had expected the muffin to be somewhat dry or raw, or something else that showed it had been created by an amateur. Instead, he tasted something that had clearly had many years of love and care poured into it's recipe, and much practice thrown into it's current form. It was far better than anything he could poof up. His muffins always came out rather bland. All his food did.

Derpy, however, had a look of disappointment and thoughtfulness upon her face. She slowly savored her mouthful of muffin, and a look of understanding crossed her face. Grabbing the tray of muffins, she through them all in the bin and muttered the word "Biscuits!"

She looked at Discord and, seeing the look of curiosity on his face, she stated "I forgot to put in the Kuso Spice! My bad! No wonder these muffins were so terrible!"

She trotted into her kitchen, but after one minute of furious scuffling Discord heard a cry of despair.

Upon further investigation, he discovered Derpy sitting in the middle of her kitchen, clasping an empty jar labelled "Kuso Leaves" in her forehooves, looking like she was about to cry.

Looking up she saw Discord, and a look of hope entered her mismatched yellow eyes. "Excuse me," she asked.

"Yes?" Discord replied.

"Could you pleeease run down to the marketplace to grab some Kuso while I whip up some more batter?" Derpy asked, placing some bits in Discord's talon, "Bon-Bon sells it at her market stall. Big pink and purple thing, you can't miss it," Derpy continued.

Discord was so flabbergasted at the sudden and surprisingly well-worded outburst that all he could say was "Yeah, sure," before Derpy escorted him to the door in case he'd forgotten the way out.

As she watched him go, Derpy heard footsteps on her stairs. Lookign around, she saw Dinky in her dressing gown with one eye, and part of her ceiling with the other.

"Which spice are we missing, mum?" Dinky asked, her eyes big and energetic.

"Kuso," Derpy replied, "But our guest offered to help."

Dinky was getting ready to take a trip to the market, and maybe say Hi to Button Mash and maybe Berry Pinch, but she stopped straight in her tracks at the last part.

"Hold on, you had another pony over? That's great!" Dinky enthused, her face expressing the utmost love and pride.

"Actually... He wasn't a pony little muffin..."

LYRAAAA! HEARTSTRINGS!

Discord felt a bit weird. He was NOT a pony errand boy, yet here he was, going out of his way to grab some spice for a pegasus. He just... he'd found he couldn't say no to that energetic little mare.

So here he was.

"Kuso Leaves at Bon-Bon's stand. Kuso Leaves at Bon-Bon's stand." Discord muttered to himself as he trudged along. He could easily ave just teleported to the marketplace, but Discord was a highly erratic creature who acted accordingly to how he felt, and right then he was feeling a little annoyed.

Seriously, what purpose did his stupid feelings of guilt serve? He'd done nothing wrong to that mare. It was probably a pony conspiracy.

And it was highly likely that Luna would be there. While he probably wouldn't over-react this time as he'd be prepared for her, he still didn't want to spend more time then necessary with that nightmarish alicorn.

Eventually he arrived in the marketplace, and immediately spotted Bon-Bon's stand. It was a large stand with a pink and purple striped awning and a sign at the front reading, "Sugar and Spice by Bon-Bon". In the back of the stand there was a divide in the middle. On one side of the divide there was a large display of spices, and on the other was a wide variety of sweets. Manning the stand was the cream earth-pony Bon-Bon, and the mint-green unicorn Lyra was standing on her rear hooves and leaning over the front of the stand, chatting to Bon-Bon. Discord walked a little closer to try and hear what the were saying.

"I mean, Dragons have claws, Pegasi have their wings," said the Lyra, "Is it really that weird to want hands?"

Bon-bon rolled her eyes with an almost practiced look, and turned to Discord. "May I help you?" she asked.

Discord had heard about those two. Apparently they were an item. The fact that two mares might be dating seemed a bit weird to Discord, but it wasn't really his place to interfere. He decided again to try and be politically correct.

Approaching the pair he called out, "Hey! How's the star couple?" and winked.

Bon-Bon smiled, but Lyra looked aghast. "Couple?" she asked, rather forcefully, "We're not a couple. I'm straight!"

"I'm not!" called Bon-Bon.

Lyra spun around, glaring daggers at Bon-Bon, and spat, "Oh, is THAT what I am to you? Just a potential pillow-warmer?"

"It's not like that..." Bon-Bon started, but Lyra just cried, "Save it!" and span back around, storming off past Discord.

Bon-Bon just stood there, as still as a statue, as Discord took a jar of Kuso leaves from her stand and left her some bits and a party invite.

Lyra wasn't gone for long, though. As Discord set off back for Derpy's she appeared in front of him with a flash of teleportation magic, and, (in between gasps for breath), asked, "Discord, you can do anything, right?"

Discord was quite taken aback. Firstly, this unicorn had never been shown to have nearly enough skill to learn teleportation magic before, ans secondly, she'd just issued him a challenge.

"Are you doubting me?" Discord asked, menacingly.

"No, no. I just... Could you..." Lyra blustered, "Can you... Perhaps... Oh, I dunno... Maybe give a pony... Any old pony, say, me for instance... hands?"

Discord had heard from Fluttershy that it was usual for a mare to have some kind of thing they wanted to be. For Fluttershy it was that she had a fascination with being a tree. For Screw-loose it was a desire to be a dog. And he'd heard that for Lyra she was obsessed with the mythical creatures called "Humans". Apparently it was because in the legends they made great instrument players, and Lyra was always looking for ways to increase her skill with her Lyre.

Discord saw an opportunity for a prank, and he seized it. He asked with all the honey he could muster, "Any pony? Any pony at all? Sure!" and he clicked his talons. A passing pony, Comet Tail, suddenly had two hands on the ends of his hooves. He didn't notice, but Discord knew a freak-out was coming when he did. For his sake, Discord had made sure the spell was temporart, lasting only an hour, but it would still be long enough for Lyra to see.

"Anything else?" Discord asked, putting even more sugar into his voice.

Lyra was extremely disappointed. She'd blown possibly her only chance EVER to obtain hands of her own, and worse still, that jerk Comet Tail managed to walk away with her prize. Her Ex-Coltfriend for crying out loud. She sadly shook her head, and mumbled, "No, nothing," before wandering after Comet Tail. Maybe he'd be kind for once and let her have his new hands.

Discord chuckled. Lyra would get over it, and no harm had been done, but it was always good to have a prank or two. But he had to get back to Derpy's soon. He wanted some more of her muffins before it was time for the party.

You've got Mail!

Twilight Sparkle was having a pretty good day. Sure, she had a minor freak out when she spilled punch on Cadance's new dress, and sure, she may have reacted somewhat violently when some ill-informed brats tried to picket to her a program which would turn all of Equestria's libraries into arcades, but she still felt she had a good handle on the day's events.

Spike was having a truly rotten day. Not only did he spend half an hour trying to calm Twilight down as she frantically apologized to Cadence for some reason, but he'd also had to explain to the Crystal Guard precisely WHY several colts had been sent flying out of the top of the crystal spire when only one of them was a Pegasus. On top of all that, the ball was boring and girly, and Rarity didn't even notice his smashing new hat.

It was getting late, and Twilight didn't understand why Spike was so down after such a wonderful party. Maybe he was still grouchy that Rarity didn't like the... Whatever that mess on his head was meant to be was... That he'd made during his sewing lesson.

It was getting late, and Spike wondered why Twilight was so chipper. He, Spike, was sore and tired. He was still annoyed that Twilight had palmed his gem treats off to some random pony who she accidentally tripped as an apology, as he'd been hungry all day. Of course, being a hungry dragon in a city made of crystal, none of which you're allowed to eat is one of the worst places to be, so Spike was, naturally, feeling down. Oh, and his claw still hurt from Twilight's mandatory lesson #49: Sewing.

Suddenly, Spike felt something. That familiar burbling in his stomach. Princess Celestia was sending him a letter.

Suddenly, Twilight felt something. That familiar tickling as spike rubbed a letter on her to try and get her attention. That could only mean one thing...

"A letter from Princess Celestia," Spike grumbled.

"A letter from Princess Celestia!" Twilight enthused.

They read the letter together.

Dear Twilight Sparkle

I regret to inform you about some odd behavior in our old friend, Discord.

My sister has been spending time in Ponyville today, and she has realized something: Discord is not his usual self. His pranks seem forced, as if his heart is not really in them. He's been seen all around town, and apparently he's been helpful and polite.

While this is definitely an improvement for us, Luna has also noticed that Discord seems much more on edge then usual. He seems to be... Almost depressed, if that is even possible.

I would be most pleased if you and your friends would investigate them problem, as Luna tells me that whenever she approaches Discord he seems to shy away, almost as if he is scared of her, although, as you well know, Discord did not previously act like that in her company.

It may be in your best interests to involve Fluttershy, as Discord may speak more openly to her.

I await your swift response.

Yours truly, Princess Celestia.

Spike and Twilight looked at each other for a moment.

"Do you realize what this means?" Twilight asked.

"I know..." Spike started, in an unenthusiastic voice.

"I... Have... HOMEWORK! YAY!" Twilight shouted, before jumping around in a small circle muttering "Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes..."

Spike simply rolled his eyes. It was going to be a looong night.

Intermission: Nightmares of the Moon and Sun

Discord was having a pleasant dream. It was his only comfort after being turned to stone. He was dreaming about lovely, lovely chaos. He was just in the middle of attaching pegasus wings to some particularly fat pigs when an unfamiliar presence entered his dream.

"Ah, Princess Luna, I presume."

Luna appeared in front of Discord, a scarily large grin on her face, and replied, "Yes, Discord, but I'm not alone."

"Ah, Celestia, what an honor. Piggybacking off your sister's power, as usual."

Both alicorns frowned and shouted back, "Shut it Discord."

Discord smirked at getting under their skin, and in a falsely humble he asked, "So, what gives a humble prisoner like myself the honor of a visit from royalty?"

Luna's grin was back, and Celestia copied it.

"Oh nothing, just checking in on our favorite prisoner. Actually, we've had a request from one of out citizens..."

"No! NO! PLEASE!! NO! AUGH!! AAAUUGH! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE! AAAAAAAA..."

Discord woke up screaming, and the wall-eyed pegasus in front of him leapt back in alarm.