Postal: Equestria

by ace_attorneyfan800

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 941

Short Fuse has a meaning behind his name, he has a VERY short temper and his temper ends up getting him kicked out of his old home Manehatten and winds him up in Ponyville where it's safe to say, he's gonna go Postal Dude on this place

Short Fuse was born a very cranky pony, he didn't have many friends because of this as well, and he gained enemies fairly quick as well. But one day when he earned his cutie mark he snapped and went mental on his friends and family killing them and after escaping arrest Short Fuse relocates to the town of Ponyville where he hopes to get away from his problems with a new name and new look.

"You gotta be bucking kidding." Short fuse said to me as I wrote down the description, "What type of description is that?!"

"Well how else do you want me to bucking put it!" I shouted

"Just put down it's a bucking crossover with the Postal series and start the dang thing already!" Short Fuse shouted as he held up a machete with blood on it

"Y-y-yes sir!" I said in a panic

(Crossover with Postal series, mostly two, a little bit of three, and some of the movie)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-10 01:10:16 UTC

Week 1: Sunday (Prologue)

Okay so I am here with the Postal Dude.

I hate that fucking name.

So then what do you want us to call you?

My god damn original name Short Fuse.

Okay then Mr.Short Fuse you happen to be a celebrity in Ponyville.

Indeed I am.

What we want to ask you is how you wound up in Ponyville in the first place and what made you so famous.

Well after the disaster that was my old home Manehatten with all the royal guards that was starting to appear all over the place even in the bathrooms I figured it was time for me to "relocate" to a much MUCH quieter town to where I could relax and have a little bit of peace and quiet instead of having a royal guard beat down my door every six seconds to ask questions. by the way you will keep all of this secret right and keep some of what I tell you in the paper?

Cross my heart hope to fly stick a cupcake in my eye.

Whatever uh?

Just call me [NAME CENSORED FOR SPOILER REASONS].

Anyway, how I escaped was like this...

"Open up the door we know you're in there!" Boomed a loud voice behind the front door to Short Fuse's house

"Crap." A grey unicorn with a orange hair and tail similar to Flash Sentry's said in a voice similar to Postal III Dude's voice

Short Fuse then noticed his grenades box that he had next to his shovel just in case of an emergency like this. He grabbed some and sticked them to the wall and grabbed his shovel encase there was more and held up the detonator.

"You have five seconds to comply!"

"Time to go to plan b." Short Fuse said to himself

"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"

Five royal guard ponies then burst down the door and saw Short Fuse holding up a detonator.

"You probably thought you were gonna die today." Short Fuse said as he pressed the button on the detonator, "Surpiiiise."

"Ahhh shit." The Royal Guard leader said

                                                    BOOOOOOOOM!

Short Fuse walks out carrying his shovel with his magic which is a dark blue that matched his eyes.

"I can already tell this is gonna be an interesting day." Short Fuse said

Short Fuse then walked over to his garage where he closed the door and reopened it to show his saddle bags filled with all sorts of weapons to: a machete, a 8 ball grenade, pitchfork, syringe box filled with syringes that had a deadly disease, fireworks, a mini Uzi, desert eagle, M16, pump action shotgun, P90, SPAS-12, revolver, rocket launcher, stinger missile, gasoline can, and finally a sledgehammer.

"I know what your thinking, but the funny thing is, I don't even like video games." Short Fuse said to himself

Short Fuse then made his way down the road getting a few screams from pedestrian ponies.

"Damn here I was minding my own business, just enjoying my second amendment rights, and you ponies have to freak out on me." Short Fuse said, "Seriously I'm just practicing my second amendment rights here ya fucking communists'!"

A few guards then came twords him and then blocked his path.

"Stop right there criminal scum!" the leader shouted

However just as he finished Short Fuse smirked as he pulled out his rocket launcher and held down on the trigger until...

"SEEKING ROCKET ACTIVATED." said a voice from the rocket launcher

"Sorry. Apparently I'm feeling a little psychotic today." Short Fuse said as he fired

"Weeeelllll fu-" before the leader could finish he was blown up as well as the guards with him

"Hmmmm. This is reminding me of Postal 1 some, lets see the script." Short Fuse said as he poofed up a script saying Postal Equestria on it  from nowhere, "Now lets see, Short Fuse begins by speaking to [NAME CENSORED FOR SPOILER REASONS] bla bla bla, chapter begins with short Fuse escaping royal guards bla bla bla, Short Fuse kills ANYPONY in his way bla bla, chapter based off of Postal 1. Well that's all I needed to know."

Short Fuse then poofed the script away and ran to the bus stop along the way using his SPAS-12 to kill anyone that got in his way which was just a few civilians and A LOT of royal guards. He eventually made his way over to the train station where he snuck into the back of the train and closed the door.

"Whew. That was closer than when I almost got caught killing my ex ex girlfriend." Short Fuse said

Short Fuse then looked outside a window and saw the train moving.

"Today was the first day of the end of my old life." Short Fuse said with an evil smile

"We'll be arriving in Ponyville tomorrow, everyone find their beds." Said the conductor over an intercom

"Butsauce." Short Fuse said as he made his way out of the cart

I have a question though Mr.Short Fuse.

What is it?

Why exactly were the royal guards after you?

Well apparently they didn't take to kindly to my "accidental" firearms accident at my ex ex girlfriends.

What exactly happened?

Well "under the control of my father's dead spirit" he "made me" kill her "against my will".

Well that must've sucked.

She was a bitch anyways.

So now you were telling us exactly what your first day in ponyville was like right?

Eeyup, probably the best and weirdest day I had when I "relocated" to Ponyville....

                                 Ace_Attorneyfan800 presents...

                 A Fan Fiction based on a Running With Scissors game...

Equestria