Pony Confessions

by Flame6666

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy
Length: 4060

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace.

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stores and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.

Picture taken from alex-heberling at-
http://alex-heberling.deviantart.com/gallery/31908605?offset=0#/d41d4on

Published 2012-04-10 18:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-25 17:46:08 UTC

Chapter1: Celestia

Pony Confessions

Celestia

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.

"So I'm sitting there, tending the bar, when one of the most famous ponies in all of Equestria walks in, Princess Celestia. She comes in, sits down and orders a Sunny Ray on the rocks, but she looked as if she just... didn't care. No real emotion, almost as if it just got sucked out of her. So I asked her."

"Miss C, what's with the sad face."

Than she says, "Oh nothing... just some trouble with my sister."

Trouble with Princess Luna? She hasn't been seen much since her return so what could possibly be the trouble? So I asked her again, "Oh really? Would you like to talk about, get it off your chest?"

"It's nothing major really... it's just, she's having a bit of trouble connecting back to today's civilization."

Oh, well that explains that then. But it couldn't be that bad could it? "Well that doesn't sound so bad."

To my surprise, she took a long sip of her drink and continued, "You don't know the half of it. I understand that she would have problems, but it's how she's dealing with them that's the headache." She was saying, robbing her head.

"Do tell."

"She's locked herself in her room for the past month! Ever since we went shopping the last time."

"How does shopping relate to all this?" I asked her.

Then at of nowhere, she hits the bar table. I know she's the Princess, but come on, have some manners. Anyway, after hitting the table she looks me straight in the eyes and tells me, "It has everything to do with this! I got her a Hoof Station 3 and she hasn't turned it off since! I tried to coach her out from playing all the time, but she just yells at me. It's just been getting worse and worse from then on."

"It-It can't be that bad."

Then she let out a very unladylike sigh, "You have no idea. Just last week I sent a platoon of guards to take it from her, but that only sent them all to the medical wing of the castle." she says.

"Oh, that does sound bad. Is she at least doing her royal duties?"

"Like I said, she hasn't come out of her room since. She hasn't even bathed and I really don't want to know what she does for when she needs to go to the restroom." We both shivered at the thought.

"So, what are you going to do about Princess Luna?" I asked her.

She shook her head looking disgusted, "Well first off have the maids go wash her."

Then it was my turn to shake my head. "No, no, no, I mean in the long term. This ain't healthy for anypony, you know that."

"I know, I know, but I really don't know what to do. I just tried out my last plan, but it didn't work out at all."

Wondering what that plan was I asked her, "Well, mind telling me what you did?"

Then she started looking like she had just killed a kitten or something. "I... I threatened to send her back to the Moon."

I'm almost speechless at this point. I still can't believe that Celestia would even consider that. "You... you're serious?"

"Oh it was only a empty threat, but still, she did not take it that well."

"I would think not!" I said.

"Hush you. I know that it was wrong of me, but what else was I to do? But then after the shock of that threat was gone, she asked me a very strange question."

"And what would that be?"

"Do you like bananas."

That was a rather odd question. I had no idea what to say to that, so all I asked was, "Well... do you?"

Then she says, "Well sure but, after I said yes she pulled out a... a banana bag and asked me again. "So you are a MMMMM beeyetch that likes MMM bananas?" I didn't know what to say, so I said yes."

"Then what happened?"

She put a hoof to her chin, "I'm still not completely sure of that myself. After making me say yes a few more times, a hole in the floor opened up and I feel into a long shaft. I heard her yell something along the lines of, you're about to go bananas, on the Moon."

Now that was curious, why is she here then? So I asked, "Well why aren't you on the Moon then?"

"When she was yelling, on the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! I teleported myself out and well, here I am."

My word, this was one of the most strangest things I've ever heard. So I had to confess, "I have to say, that is one crazy story you got there your Majesty."

"Oh please, call me Celestia, Misterrrr" She said all nonchalant.

"Just Dominick is fine Celestia."

She winked at me and nodded, "Well, thank you for the Sunny Ray Dominick, one of the best I've ever had... and that's saying something."

I nodded back and she was off, walking out of the bar with a spring in her step and determination on her face.

You see a lot of strange things in The Pony Palace, see a lot of strange things as a bartender. So I see a lot of strange things as a bartender, working at The Pony Palace and that ain't no lie, swear to it.

Authors Notes

Hello everyone, what you just read was a parody of Video Game Confessions made by That Guy With The Glasses that I hopefully did it justice for. Also if anyone wants to draw a VGC like picture I will be most grateful

If you guys like this then I can write more. I was planing it on writing more to begin with but if no one likes this then I can just throw this into the bin of trashed ideas.

Chapter2: Rainbow Dash

Pony Confessions

Rainbow Dash

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.

So I'm sitting there tinder bar, when in flies somepony I've haven't seen in a long time, Rainbow Dash. Now Dash usually has a lot of energy and this time was no exception but um, seemed a little upset this time. She sat down and ordered a cranberry juice. I says, "You don't normally order cranberry juice."

So she says, "I know I've... I've been through a lot." She was looking around and I was following her gaze. Just about everypony else was staring at her, whispering. Then she just flew up and started yelling at everypony. "What are you looking at!" Then, almost in perfect unison, they all went back to their business, it was honestly pretty funny. Anyway, Dashie got back down and took her sit again then told me, "You know what, make it a hard apple cider."

I went to the back to the bar and got her the cider and set it in front of her, but I had to ask her, "So Miss Dash, what was that all about?"

She looks me in the face then shook her head. "Everypony is crazy!"

"Care to elaborate." I said

Then she took a long swig of her drink and said, "Everypony thinks I'm a fillyfooler and it's starting to piss me off!"

"Oh, well have you thought about dying your mane?"

Oops, that was definitely the wrong thing to bring up. She was glaring at me like she wanted me to explode or burst into flames. Then she yelled, "Dye my mane? DYE MY MANE! My name is RAINBOW Dash! Dyeing my mane is like throwing away who I am!"

"Okay, okay, settle down Miss Dash. I'm just throwing around ideas nothing more."

Then she folded her forelegs around and stared at me for the longest time. I was starting to get a bit nervous till finally she said, "Well, I'm listing, got any more bright ideas?"

I did have a few ideas, like stop acting like a fillyfooler or maybe comb your mane every once in awhile, but I had feeling she wouldn't like those, so I said, "Well can you tell me what exactly is going on? You know, to get a better idea."

"I-I don't think I can tell you." She said, quite nervously I might add.

Then I said, "It's up to you Miss Dash, I won't force you."

She then let out a sigh and took another swig of her cider, looked me in the eyes again and continued, "It's... It's a lot of things really, But it was the last one that made that dumb rumor spread like wildfire."

"And that was?"

She let out another sigh and continued, "You know how I'm always trying out new moves for the Wonder Bolts?"

I nodded, "Yeah... and?"

"Well... I was trying out a new move and... lost control. I ended up crashing right into the Ponyville spa and right into the mares bath."

"That's it? That doesn't sound so bad." I confessed.

She put her hooves to her temples and said, "That's not all. All the girls jumped and there was a flash of light. Apparently there was a sicko hiding in the room and took a picture and it ended up on the front page of the newspaper!"

I was shocked to say the least, but I had to know. "Are you telling me that-" She cut me off before I finished.

"Yes! That stupid article said I was a fillyfooler. You want to know what the headline said? Well it said, "Rainbow Dash crashes into the spa to get her fix of hot flanks." It was so humiliating, everywhere I go ponies stare at me!"

Now that's a bit harsh isn't it? I know if I was on the front page of the newspaper saying I was a coltcuddler, I wouldn't be able to show my face in public. As far as I could tell, there was only two options, so I told her, "Well Miss Dash, I really hate to be the one to tell you this but... you have a choice to make."

"And that would be?"

"Well, you can either go hideaway. Or you can embrace it."

She looked at me shocked and said, "Embrace it? You're kidding right? There's no way I'm going to be a fillyfooler!"

Then I leaned over the bar table, got right in her face and told her, "Well Miss Dash, the way I see it, you can hide and never reach your dreams or, let other ponies believe that you're a fillyfooler and at least get somewhere in life."

She sat there, twiddling her hooves, and out the corner of my eye, I saw a fine example of a mare walking up to Dashie and sit down right next to her. Well being the bartender that I am, I asked the new face what she wanted to drink, and what she said still makes me laugh to this day. "I'll take a Rainbow Dash on the rocks please."

I looked at her, mouth agape, and so was Rainbow Dash. Then after a while Dashie looked at me and said, "Embrace it huh?"

I nodded and said, "Eeyup."

She laughed under her breath, drank the last of her apple cider, gave me a wink, and was on her way out the bar with that mare trailing behind.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot of strange things at The Pony Palace. So I see a lot of strange things as a bartender, at The Pony Palace and that's no lie, swear to it.

Authors Notes

And chapter 2 is done!

Now don't forget to vote for the next pony that will walk into the bar, who knows you might even win.

Chapter3: Lyra

Pony Confessions

Lyra

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.

So I'm sitting there tending bar, when in walks somepony I haven't seen in a while, Lyra. Now Lyra's a really nice pony, but keeps to herself, doesn't talk much. One day she sits down and orders a Sourpuss on the rocks and she looks at me and says, "You know what I like about a Sourpuss?"

I say, "Do tell."

She says, "You can see exactly what made it."

I shook my head, "What do you mean?"

She picks up her glass and held it up to me and says, "You can see all the ingredients that go into making this. Just like most other things if you know where to look." She took a sip of the Sourpuss and then she had a very sad look on her face.

I had no idea what was going through her head, but I knew that she needed to talk about something. So being the bartender that I am, I lent a ear to her, "What to talk about it Lyra? Get it off your chest."

She looks at me and says, "No, you would just think I'm crazy like everypony else that I tell."

Then I says, "You would be surprised at how many others say the same thing and leave this bar feeling better."

"Fine." she says, "Have you ever heard about something called a human before?"

I shook my head. "No."

She waved a hoof and said, "Well that's not important. What is important however, is that their influence is in just about everything that we ponies use. From round door handles to most tools that we use, and from the biggest buildings all the way down to this simple glass cup. If we just look in the right places, in just the right way, then we can see that our entire civilization was built atop one that was much more advanced than we are."

"What makes you think that?" I asked her.

Miss Lyra robbed her face and sighed. Then continued saying, "It's staring us in the face, that's why! Just look at this cup, I need to use both of my hooves to lift it. Why not add a handle to it? It would make it so much easier to hold, yet there is no handle. It's as if this cup was made for dragons and griffins, or possibly for something else that has fingers, like a human."

I decided to humor her, "I see your point. But if it is true, the humans living here, then what happened to them?"

Then she said, "I'm... not one hundred percent sure... but Princess Luna knew about them! I ended up meeting her last Nightmare Night and I asked her about humans."

Princess Luna? That must have been before her little addiction. Anyway I asked her, "So, what did the Princess say?"

Then she just lost all will to continue, her shoulders went slack, her head hanged low, but she did mutter out what she wanted to say. "S-She said that humans are... foul beings and that our kingdom shall remain peaceful without their influence. She made humans sound like such evil creatures, but I know that that can't be true." She finished her Sourpuss after that.

"Do you want another Lyra?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No thanks, I need to be one hundred percent for the Gala tonight."

"Oh you're you going to the Grand Galloping Gala? You're one lucky mare to get a ticket for it."

"Actually... I was invited to play at the Gala, not the join the party."

"Invited to play your lyre? You really are a lucky mare, this can set you up for life, you can even meet Celestia and-"

She started yelling, "NO! I-I mean, no... I-I can't meet Princess Celestia. She knows."

"Knows what?" I ask her.

She took a deep breath, "She knows that I know about humans and that I'm about to uncover the truth behind them. If I meet her, I know that she will do something really, really bad to me."

"It's Celestia, what's the worst that can happen?" I said to her.

"She can send me to the Moon for starters." She pointed out.

Then I said, "Nah, I think Luna would do that before Celestia."

"What makes you say that?" She asked me.

So I told her, "If she ever ask you if you like bananas run, don't think, don't look back, run. Got that?"

"Uhm... sure."

"Good. Now then, I think you have nothing to worry about. Celestia won't send you to the Moon or anywhere else for that matter. Who knows, she might even confirm everything for you." I tells her.

Then she says, "Sorry, but I can't just believe that. She has been hiding the humans existences for who knows how long and now some random pony finds out so much about them, trying to uncover the secrets. Sorry, but there is no way that she won't do something to shut me up."

Then somepony walks up Lyra and says, "Miss, it's time to go. Don't want to be late for the Gala do you?"

Lyra looks at the new pony and say, "Right, I-I'll be there in a sec." Then the pony left and Lyra looked at me and said, "If you never hear of me again, then you know that something really bad happened to me, okay?"

I nodded to her, "Okay Lyra, if I never see you again I'll spread the word that Celestia has done something bad to you."

Then she nodded back, "Thank you." She got up and walked out of the bar and left. To this day she has never been seen anywhere in Equestria. So... I guess she was right about Celestia, who knew.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot of strange things at the Pony Palace. So I see a lot of strange things as a bartender, at the Pony Palace, and that ain't no lie, swear to it.

Authors Notes

Sorry for the long wait for this chapter and sorry if this isn't as funny as the last two. I was going to do something about Lyra X Bon Bon, but someone asked that I don't. So I took that as a challenge and this was the outcome.

Also a HUGE THANK YOU to JasonTheHuman for letting me use story bits from his story Anthropology. Seriously, THANK YOU.

And don't forget to vote for who will walk into the bar next.

Chapter4: Photo Finish

Hello readers, long time huh. Anyway I need to say something before you start reading the chapter. You're going to have to meet me halfway with this one, I couldn't for the life of me figure out Photo's accent, so when you're reading really imagine her voice or else it won't sound right at all. It shouldn't be that hard but still, fair warning and all.

Pony Confessions

Photo Finish

This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.

So I'm sitting there tending bar, when in walks somepony who's stayed out of the spotlight for a very long time, Photo Finish. Now Photo Finish used to be the talk of the Equestria, but as we know, the Fluttershy incident happened. It wasn't the same after that, most thought it would just blow over. That didn't happen, what did happen though was that no one respected her anymore.

So she walks up to the bar and sits down and says, "Hello bartender, give me da magic drew."

"Right away." I says. So I went to the back and fixed her up some of the bubbling brew. Crazy stuff to, half a cup and you were, for the lack of a better word, bucked.

Anyway I set the cup down and asked her, "So Photo Finish, hows life after the whole... Fluttershy thing?"

She looks at me and says, "Agh horrible, I was the leader in the fashion industry and now... I'm nothing more than a useless bottom feeder, no offense."

"None taken." I said.

She continued, "Oh how I wish it could go back to the old days. Where ponies would listen to everything I say. When I could find... Da Magics... anywhere. But now...I have nothing.

"What do you mean you have nothing? You're Photo Finish, you should still have like a million bits." I tell her.

Then she took a drink of her brew and said, "They took everything, my bits, my stuff, my home. Now I'm homeless and no one even thinks of me anymore. All because of one mistake! If it wasn't for that Fluttershy, I would still be on top! But now I have nothing... and no one respects me anymore, just before coming here somepony spat at me just because I asked for some food."

Well that's a little much ain't it? Just because of one little mistake all of that happens, I would hate to be famous if it meant consequences like that. "Well I'm sorry to hear that Miss. Finish."

"No, it's not your fault dear, it was all mine. I should have known that Fluttershy didn't have... Da Magics."

I look at her and say, "Sorry to have to bring this up Miss. Finish, but If all that's true... then how are you going to pay for your drink?"

Then she downs the rest of the glass and looked at me. ".....................................................I go!" She ran as fast to the exit as she could. Lucky the security ponies were standing guard and tackled her. She was kicking and screaming the whole time, they ended up having to drag her out of the Palace and had to call the police.

I was curious so I went out to take a look, after about ten or so minutes the police ponies came and got her. She... she didn't go down without a fight, Photo ended up kicking one of them in the family jewels, so to speak, and tumbled away. That police pony didn't really like getting kicked there and ended up chasing after her and tasered her with magic, she was flopping around for a good while. It was a sad sight to see a once famous pony in such a state, had everything taken away, couldn't do anything else, drunk, and being tased by a pissed off cop. They threw her in the back of the carriage and were on their way.

You see a lot of strange things as a... bartender, you see a lot of strange things at the Pony Palace. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Pony Palace, and that ain't no lie, swear to it.

Authors Notes

I'm really, really, REALLY sorry for such a short chapter after such a long time, I had so many ideas for this one but after the Diablo 3 open beta I forgot almost EVERYTHING I PLANNED. I really feel like a ass right now, but to make it up to you guys somewhat I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm planning on making a bonus chapter with a OC from someone else's story. I won't spoil too much but it should make for a very good chapter. Now it's not set in stone but I am planning on it.

And don't forget to vote for who will be next to walk into the bar.

REALLY SORRY