Negative Thoughtsby JerkyChaptersChapter One - BearingsChapter Two - MildewChapter Three - RamblingsChapter Four - Common Hospitality HiatusChapter One - BearingsThe man awoke cough and spluttering water out of his lungs, his eyes wide as he gasped for breath. He didn't know how long he was out, or if he was unconscious in the first place. He shook his head, getting his bearings. 'Wonder where that annoying midget bat horse went...God, I really hope I don't find it...' he dug his elbow into the earth, propping himself up. Shakily, he stood, wiping off his hands on his pants and dusting off his old Metallica T shirt. He grimaced. 'Damn, that might as well have been a antique.' He was soaked. The man checked his pockets, pulling out his wallet and his phone. Oddly, his phone seemed to actually work, as it's screen was perfectly fine, albeit a small crack on the left corner. He looked at the battery, which seemed to be on full charge. Even weirder. "Welp, might as well play some tunes..." He muttered, searching for his playlist of songs. Little did he know, right behind him was a thirsty threstral, who felt liking fucking his shit. "Ah ha! Gotcha!" A feminine voice called out to the man as he turned around, only to be wrestled to the ground by the heavy pony. "AH! GET OFF!" He fended off the pony, using one hand to slip himself from out under it and the other to hold it back. Eventually, he gained enough room to kick the pony of of him, giving him the opportunity to scramble to his feet. "God damn freak!" He shouted, steadying himself. "Who are you calling a freak, hairless monkey?!" She glared daggers at him, her nostrils flared. 'Shit.' The bat pony charged, jumping at the last second. It slammed into his chest, causing him to fall on his ass once more. She rained down a flurry of punches, hitting him hard in the face and the chest area. It was even worse since she had on horse shoes. The man punched her as hard as he could muster, eliciting a trickle of blood to come out of her muzzle. She was knocked back, allowing him to weakly get up. With a groan he got up, his knees shivering. The two were locked in a glaring contest, well, the human not so much. His cheek was bruised and he was pretty sure he was boned. The pony was the first one to snap out of the stare off, interrupting it with a question. "Do we have to fight?" She asked. "You attacked me!" The human scowled. "Well, yeah, but... you're a monster. Of course I'm going to attack you, it's my job, but since you can talk..." The man groaned at her response. "Oh, so after I give you the fisting of a life time you suddenly want to negotiate? You just wanted to fucking play hero!" He yelled angrily. "Uh...Yes?" she nervously smiled. He sighed. "How come everyone I fucking meet is a retard? Seriously..." He turned around and walked the other way. He reached down to grab his phone and slid it into his jean's pocket, letting out a grunt as he got up. The pony rushed to catch up. "Where are you going?" She pestered, trailing behind him. He stood there for a second, then turned around. "None of your business." He said, crossing his arms in an attempt to look threatening. It was hard to do, considering the fact his face looked like a rotten melon. It was a miracle he could even talk, considering how bruised his cheek was. "It IS my business since I'm part of the Royal Guard." She said, crossing her arms. He sighed. "God, do they let pathetic fucks like you join it? Jesus, the Royal Guard...If they let you join, I bet you they'd let any shit head join it too." He said with malice, scowling at her. She glared at him. "Hah, kitty got claws bitch." The man said, waving her off as he walked away down the beach of the lake. The pony still followed though, despite his protests he couldn't keep her away. "That was mean..." She said after a minute of walking. The man looked down at the pony, which was around four feet tall. He was tempted to spit on her, kick her, anything to get the damned pony away. "Of course it was supposed to be mean, I want you to go away." She frowned. The man shook his head, and looked down at his shirt. There was a small stain of blood, although he couldn't tell who's blood it was. He let out another sigh. "Well.. uhm... I have to protect you! Yeah, that's it. It's ordered by the guard's contract that every mare and stallion in the Royal Guard must defend it's citizens." She smugly said, smiling up at him. He gave up. There was no point in arguing with her - she was just going to follow him either way. The man decided, she could be useful. Suddenly, the man stopped. "Where are we going exactly?" he said, scratching his head. "Well, not into the Everfree forest. Trust me on that one - it's going to get dark soon and we'll need to set up camp somewhere if we don't make it to a town somewhere. I'd say Ponyville since it's close, but we'd have to cut through that damned forest. We'll just have to venture around it." She said, as if it explained everything. The man decided to question. "But why are we going AWAY from the capital? You're in the military right? So why are you acting like your squad isn't going to look for you?" The human questioned, he knew he had her. The bat pony hastily came up with a cover. "Well... uhmm.. I'm a loner! Yes, I check out the area for the troops." She gave him a flashy smile. "Bullsh-" An explosion rang out through the air, causing both of them to look up with shock. He saw those bugs falling like stones as a pink force field went over them, causing him to panic as the field approached them. "Fuck this!" He shouted, running like an Ethiopian. The threstral raced to catch up to him. He turned his head, seeing the pony quickly catching up. He didn't want to die today by some over sized pink bubble gum balloon. By this time, the pony was neck and neck. That's when he heard something that he scared him more than the giant pink field, more than the fact he was stuck in magical horsey land, more than the fact that he had an erection lasting longer than four hours. A roar reverberated around the landscape, only serving the two of them to haul their asses faster. 'The fuck was that?! Don't look, don't look, don't lo-' He looked behind him. A giant lion with a fucking scorpion tail burst out the forest beside them, almost crushing the pair. The beast was quick to get up however, soon giving chase to the man and the pony. The giant bubble had consumed the creature, but it was fine. Had the man turned and looked, he probably would've figured out the bubble was harmless, but still would've been screwed either way. He heard several splashes, the bugs landing with thumps as they hit the lake at near brick breaking speeds. Luckily, most of the bugs themselves had fallen in or at least around the city, so they didn't prove too much of an obstacle in the man's running. 'Maybe I should trip her...' He actually lingered on the thought as he sprinted, his situation getting more drastic as his legs began to get sore. It was a miracle he hadn't been caught yet, he wasn't exactly 'fit'. He had a slight build, around sixty nine inches tall, but it wasn't anything special. Then he saw it - a perfect distraction. A camp was lying beside the beach, a couple of bird lion thingies doing chores and of the like. "Quick, run through the camp!" He said, ushering the pony to follow him. He changed his course, running straight through the center of the camp. They looked confused for a minute, he even heard a couple of comments. "What the buck?" He paid no mind however, his mind set to getting away as fast as he could from the creature. He heard a few screams and yells, but it didn't matter. 'Well...They're fucked. *********************************************************** Prince Talon was sent to visit Equestria by his father to discuss something about the trade of narcotics and weapons through their borders. His father was too ill to do it himself, so he sent his son instead. To say his son was excited was an understatement - he was excited to actually do something regal by himself for once! Not just watching the meetings - don't get him wrong, he really enjoyed the aspect of it - but actually being apart of them. He loved politics, after all he takes after his father. It was a good thing, as his brother couldn't stand it. He was offered a room by the equestrians, but he didn't think the ponies would condone hunting. There was some big game out here. "Finished plucking the feathers of that cockatrice, Wring?" said the prince, looking down at the guard. His armor had the regular Griffonian shine and emblem, a outstretched talon, the rest of the armor painted a selection of dark yellow, red, and black. "Yes, Prince Talon. It's ready to be skinned. Should be more than enough for the four of us." Wring said to the prince, plucking off one last feather with his talon. "What shall I do with it, sir?" he asked. "Give it to Beren and tell him to skin it." the prince told the guard, eager to eat. "Yes sir." He watched the soldier talk to Baren, their armor glimmering in the orange sun. He looked over the camp, smiling at nothing in particular. It was a good day. That was, until he saw the strangest thing. A hairless ape with clothes running with a vampony towards their temporary establishment. All the griffons looked at the pair, the four of them looking on in confusion. They ran straight through the middle of the camp, knocking over a few things in their wake. "Damn blood sucking bastard!" A nameless griffon (who will remain nameless) shouted at the pair. They ran straight past the prince as he couldn't help but say the words that fit the mood. "What the buck?" He averted his attention from the pair. He shrugged. "Well, that was quite strange am I ri-" "OH GODS IT JUST TORE OFF MY WINGS!" ***************************************************************** The man hadn't known how long he had been running, but eventually he gave out and tripped, falling on his already bruised face. He accepted his fate, death by giant bubble gum balloons. The bat pony followed suit. The man closed his eyes as he let the bubble sweep over him, expecting it to kill him only to find that it was harmless. His eyes widened in surprise, a smile laid on his face. He laid there for several minutes as he tried to regain his breath. He felt winded, but he was happy. So fucking happy. "YES!" He shouted at nothing in particular, startling the threstral laying beside him. "We did it... We fucking escaped that...THING!" "It was... a manticore. A big one at that. I feel bad for those griffons though..." The man looked at her, turning his head as they rested in the sand. "Who gives a damn? They're birds. I couldn't give less shits about the things, survival of the fucking fittest." he shakily got up to his feet. His whole body shook and he had chills down his spine. He felt very cold, but it was a subtle cold. He looked around, and saw that the sun was setting. They'd need to find civilization soon. "They're a sapient species, if it was some bunny or something I wouldn't be feeling as bad, but griffons think and feel, like anypony." He would had picked up on the pun, but he didn't catch it. "Whatever, be glad I didn't fucking trip you instead." He said with anger. The man was tired and hungry, emphasis on hungry. He wanted a bed to sleep in, maybe some warm, juicy steak, and some hot cocoa. "Look, we're cold, tired, and hungry. Let's just focus on the task at hand, not get mad at each other. Okay?" The man was angry, but he wasn't angry enough not to be able to make sense of how serious the situation was. Even though he didn't want to admit it, she was right. "Alright...Sooner I get a bed to sleep in, the better." They began to walk in the direction they were previously heading, the man limping along as he followed the threstral. It would be dark soon, and they needed shelter. Author's Note Well, I had a bit of fun writing this chapter. As always, leave criticism below. Chapter Two - MildewThere was only one thought in the man's mind - he was tired. It had begun to pour long ago, causing his wet clothes to become even more soaked. He let out a groan, shambling along with the bat pony beside him. The surrounding night was foggy and misty, causing the pair to occasionally stumble into each other. The bat pony wanted to set up shelter somewhere, but the man 'convinced' her to continue. The man almost didn't notice the bat pony falling, the splatter of mud on him brought him back to attention. He glared down at the pony. "I-I can't..." The bat pony stuttered as she shivered in the mud. He was tempted to just leave her there, and continue the journey himself. The only thing keeping him from doing that was the fact she knew a lot more about the world then he did. The man bent down, and attempted to drag the threstral by the gaps in her armor, inevitably only causing him to fall on his ass. "No..." He said, his body twitching. "You will, or I'll..." He fell back into the mud, letting it overtake him. At least, for now. The bat pony raised her eyebrow, curious. "Monkey guy? Yoo hoo..." She heard the man let out deep breaths, his eyes closed as his chest raised up and down. "Ugh...Buck it." She rolled onto her side, using her hoof to cushion her head as she fell to sleep, letting the mud cake around her uhh.... forearm? Whatever, it's a fucking hoof. ******************************************************************* The threstral awoke with a start, the man shaking her roughly. She slapped his hand away, groaning as the sun blinded her. She wiped the dried mud off her gold armor, shaking herself in an attempt to get the mud off."What is it damnit?" She glared daggers at the back of his head, shielding her eyes with her hoof. "Let's go." the man said, nudging his head. "Do you have eggs?" She asked, perking up. "Wh-? No I don't have fucking eggs, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't share'em with you! Now hurry the fuck up and let's go." He said angrily at her, his face turned into a snarl. Well, as much as his beaten face could, anyway. The bat pony whined. "I don't want tooooooooo-" The human cut her off. "Too fucking bad! Let's go!" He nearly shouted, glaring at the pony. The threstral sat on her rump as she digged her hooves into the ground. She glared back at the human. "Not until I get my eggs." The human held his head. "WHY?! YOU'RE A GOD DAMN HERBIVORE! HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVEN EAT EGGS?!" the human was tempted to slap the shit out of the threstral for even mentioning eggs. Now she was demanding them. "Nuh uh." The human deadpanned. "Uh huh." "Nuh uh!" "Uh huh." "Nuh u-" The human grasped the threstral's shoulders with his hands and practically screamed at her. "I WILL FUCKING LEAVE YOUR SORRY ASS HERE IF YOU DON'T LEAVE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" the man clenched his teeth. "God fucking damnit...Let's just go!" The man said, rubbing his forehead with his hands. The man turned around, ready to begin the trek to (hopefully) civilization. The vampony whined once more, much to the humans disappointment. "But it's still dark! Oh wait, I like the dark..." She trailed off, looking away then averting her attention back to him. "Well, lead the way!" She said positively. "What? But your the gui- Oh screw it..." He said, his raised hand flopped back to his side as he turned around and walked to his previous destination. The pony bounded after him. If you compared the two's faces, it was clear to see that they were both very, very unhappy with their current situation. The man wore a visage of anger and horribly hidden confusion, while the threstral wore a face of false joyfulness and excitement. However, there was no notice of this, as the man's only thought was simple, but pretty much wrapped up everything in a nutshell. 'Stupid fucking bat horse...' ********************************************************************* "YES! CIVILIZATION!" The man shouted gleefully, falling to his knees as he raised his hands in the air. There, on the beach, a house laid, the early mist fog blocked the sun's rays. "Uh...There's nothing there Monkey guy." the threstral interrupted his one moment of happiness, and snapped him back to reality. He rubbed his eyes with his semi clean wrist. There was nothing there. Damn. "What?! Where did it....aw fuck it." He didn't quell on it, instead he looked forward. They were approaching the end of the lake's beach. Close enough. None of them spoke as the pair made their way to the treeline. The man noticed a old wooden sign nailed to a tree, and he read. "Whitetail Woods?" He said aloud, putting a finger on his chin. The bat pony huffed. "Should have taken bucking geography..." The man was tempted to say 'yes you probably should've' but he was too busy walking into the forest, dedicated to finding some form of civilization. The threstral finally noticed the man walking away. "Hey! Where are you going?" She shouted after him, quick to follow. He continued to walk through the wood, his footsteps crunching on yellow and orange leaves, sometimes snapping the occasional twig. "There's only one way out of the damn clearing, and that's through this fucking forest. Fucking forests." He answered and cursed, wasting no time in casting the blame upon nature. Fucking nature. "Well give me some warning at least!" The bat pony complained. "I mean, where the buck are we going?!" The human didn't answer, his mind set on walking in a set direction. The pony was now beside the human, matching his pace. He walking with a weight in his step, his sneakers digging into the moist ground even through the fallen leaves. It was odd as the trees that surrounded the wood was green as ever, whilst the interior trees were in the effects of fall. The human paid no mind to the oddity, instead focusing on his direction. The pony however, was having a battle of the minds raging in her skull 'How the buck am I going to get back to my squad? Maybe I should have waited at the beach...I can't now though - that manticore is bound to be waiting.' She frowned at nothing in particular. The bat pony was confused, yes, but not angry. She followed the man, no words spoken between each other. She couldn't help but think of how she's actually helping this hairless primate, no less letting it lead her through Whitetail Woods. There wasn't really anything special about the forest, but lots of superstition was based around the woodlands and how it came to be. Her hunger was at the back of her mind, her thirst for water taking main priority. And maybe asking the monkey for some blood. She shrugged off the thought - they'll have plenty of that synthetic stuff at the barracks. It might as well have been just tomato paste, but it was better than nothing. How she would just love to pounce on an unsuspecting victim, sink her fangs into it's warm, soft skin...Or maybe it'll be rough and rugged, or tough like carpet. The possibilities were endless when you picked out who you would feed on. It's like picking out what you want for dinner - maybe something traditional, like salad or a veggie spaghetti. Or, if you want something new, you could pick out something exotic, like the Griffonian dishes. Oh the possibilities, they were endless, nothing could describe how many choices you had. It didn't change the fact that she did not follow protocol, in case of an emergency where a member of a squad is separated from the rest of it's unit, it's usually advised to wait for recon. She didn't believe in that though, despite her uncaring nature. She had almost no faith in the pegasi, which is why she didn't trust that feathered punk Wing Breaker. The rest of her squadron was either unicorn or earth pony. She was pretty sure they didn't like Breaker much either. A little bastard, he is. The human was completely unaware of the fact that he midget vampire horse behind him was contemplating on sucking him dry like a Caprisun. Suddenly, he began to sprint forwards, well, as fast as a starving, tired man could anyway. "FREEDOM! Come to meeeeeeeeeee...god fucking damnit." He slapped himself with his right hand, roughly dragging it down against his face. "What is it, Mo- Are you bucking kidding me right now!?" The threstral saw exactly what the human saw - a cliff. Frankly, this sort of pissed her off a good bit. "How the hell are we going get down there?" She said to mainly herself, but her eyes couldn't help but look at the man's hands and oddly shaped feet. 'Perfect for climbing....' the batpony lingered on the thought of 'convincing' the human to climb down the cliff, but as she hardly believed the man would actually do it. She knew she damn well wouldn't. "Shit..." The man looked at his surroundings, the cliff face giving him a bird's eye view of the place. It really was quite beautiful - the sun was rising, and it shone a purple and orange glow around the landscape. Then he caught it - a steep incline in the cliff's impenetrable thickness marked a way out, and by god, was he going to take it. "There! See that?" he pointed to the rocky hill, the bat pony's eyes being slowly led to what he was so excited about. She deadpanned. "Yes, and?" She said angrily, her mood soured by starvation, thirst, fatigue, and, well, her day was a very shitty one. "Let's get down that way." The human said, letting his arm drop to his side. The bat pony glared at him. "How the hell are we going to do that?" the threstral couldn't believe his answer. There was no way she could get down there, her body just wasn't meant for it. "Well, duh. You have god damn wings, use'em." The threstral didn't think she could glare more harshly at the hairless ape. "Are you joking?! Please tell me you're joking! Do these damned wings look like they carry anything?!" She said harshly, in a raised voice. The human glared back at her. "Well sorry, I thought they had magic in'em of something!" He said, his brow furrowed. "Of course they do, everypony has magic in them, but just because it's magical doesn't mean it's a bucking miracle worker!" the threstral answered. The human waved her off. "Whatever! I'm going down that way, and no way in hell am I staying up here to babysit your ass!" Despite previous mentions, he meant it. The man just wanted a nice warm bed to sleep in, some soup, and maybe a god damn shower. Hell, he wouldn't mind if it was fucking freezing, he just wanted to be 'clean'. He turned away, and walked towards his destination. "Fine! I'll find my own way down then! Have fun falling to your death, you damn ape!" She spat. The threstral turned away, and stomped off. The human kept on walking, raising his arm as his middle finger attempted to touch the sky. "Fucking horse." He said after a while of silence. Maybe it wasn't the best course of action, but the human was pissed. There really isn't any other way to say it. The man tripped up on a couple of rocks, catching himself with his hands. At least he didn't land on his face - that would have been bad. He winced at the stinging sensation in his hands, eventually just wiping his hands on his pants. He looked to the horizon, the horizon shimmering softly on his bruised and swollen face. It hurt like a bitch, but he got used to it after a while. Surprisingly, he didn't really have much trouble talking. He rubbed his cheek, instantly pulling it away as the giant bruise sent a rocket of pain through his face. "God damn bat horse." The man breathed shakily, his bruised face was a mixture of cold and heat. The wind easily passed through the cotton fibers in his Metallica shirt, causing a shiver to tingle down his spine. It was definitely fall, and it really shone it. The man tried to remember what month it was back home, but he definitely knew it was spring. Well, he wasn't actually sure - the seasons didn't really change much back home anyways, besides snowing, and that was a rarity. At least he had his T.V and his ancient console. It was a miracle that thing ran. It was ironic, considering a few years ago his Xbox 360 would have been shoved in the back of his closet. Now it's the most precious thing he has. Had. His thoughts mingled with old ones, igniting his memories of playing video games with his friends. Well, they weren't really his friends anymore. He cut off his communication with his friends and family. The man grimaced, avoiding the thought. Plenty of time to think about it later. The biped was shambling along the cliff face for a good ten minutes, finding his destination. He looked down the steep incline, frowning at the future journey. 'This is as good as it's going to get, so just fucking roll with it.' the man thought, gingerly taking a step on a flat rock. He never bothered with Boy Scouts, and he was regretting it now. His mood began to turn more positive as he started to make progress. He took another, his sneaker softly setting land on the rock. The man slowly began to get faster as he trekked down the hill. He didn't want to trip up and end up like grated cheese on those damned stones, and preferably he wanted the risk to begone as fast as possible. Alas, it didn't last forever as he made a bad move, his foot landing on a loosened piece of the hill. Fortunately, he didn't have too much of a fall, only eliciting his shirt to rip and the skin under it to be grazed, a trickle of blood coming out of the wound. "God damnit!" the man cursed as he put his hand over the cut, his fingers closing to hold the shirt together. He was mad, not because of the wound, but because of his shirt. It seemed like the world just didn't want him to have anything related to the 90's. Although to be honest, he didn't like the band that much anyway. He liked maybe one or two of their songs, but that was about it. Still, it had guitars and drums in it, so it was reason enough to declare himself a fan. God damn wannabe. He slowly raised himself, dusting himself off. He walked forward, stumbling a bit as he traveled. He felt something wet cover his pants, and for a moment he thought he pissed himself, then he realized his shoes were an inch or so deep in some water. He paid no heed to the fact his filthy clothes contaminated the water, dropping down to his knees to allow his hands to cup around the life sustaining liquid as he brought it up to his face. The man gulped it down, having no regard for hygiene or anything of that sort. He didn't even feel the wind that trickled over the hairs on his neck, the only thought on his mind was of quenching his thirst. The water put new life into him, the liquid moistening his parched throat. He continued to drink from the source until his need was satisfied. He got off his knees and sat on his bottom, running his hands through his thick and wild hair. The sun was coming out in full force, it's harsh glare directed at the human. It was exactly what he needed, allowing the burning ball of gas to heat the human. He laid himself out like a star, letting his body dry out in the sun. The man sighed, his needs satisfied for now. He was still hungry, that always nagged at him, but he just wanted to lie there in the success of his rather meager endeavor, but an endeavor all the same. The man laid down, his back bitten by the rather painful rocks below him, but he didn't mind too much. He could sit like this forever. He smiled dumbly, looking at the blue sky, every once in a while looking in the opposite direction in case his eyes wandered too close to the sun. Until, a gold horseshoe stomped beside him, a certain bat pony glaring at him. Her teeth were gritted, her face contorted in anger. The armor only added to it, albeit covered in mud and filth. The man scrambled up, accidentally landing ass first into the puddle he was previously drinking from. His knees wobbled shakily as he stood up. "Hey! I was thirsty!" "You didn't have to take a bucking bath in the only clean source of water out here for miles, you dimwit!" The threstral seethed. The man shrugged. "Well, it's still clean! See, look!" He crouched down and cupped the water in his hands, taking a sip but couldn't help but spit it out. It was full of mud. The man smiled nervously at the bat pony. The threstral deadpanned. "Yeah, okay." The bat pony turned around and walked away, her mind set on abandoning the human. "Hey, wait!" Author's Note Gave the poor guy a respite. As always, leave criticism below and such. Chapter Three - RamblingsAuthor's Note If you're wondering if this is going to be a particularly entertaining chapter, than I am compelled to tell you it will not be so. Now, I suppose most of the readers of this shit storm of a story may be quite upset with the lack of comedy and action, however there is a reason why I do not have the comedy tag listed. Perhaps I should add said tag, as this definitely isn't a drama. At least, I'd hope it isn't. In case you guys are wondering if I actually pre read my chapters, usually I only do it if I feel my chapters are out of sync, or things are going too fast. I feel that this pace is actually quite a decent one, although I'd love to get out of this damned forest, but I can't just have them magically open a portal or some shit. Oh and - As always, leave comments and criticism below. Also, I am looking for pre-readers, just comment or personally message me if you're interested. I'm hoping to get quite a few, as I like a range of opinions. Chapter Three - Ramblings By all accounts, the man was quite...well, bored. Bored and tired. It didn't help that not even God seemed to be on his side, as made evident by the gusts of winds always hitting around the groin area, and the blaring sun beated down upon his neck. It was a hybrid of hot and cold, and his body simply couldn't adjust. The bat pony seemed to be faring better than he did, but only slightly. It was a good thing her armor was dirty, otherwise it would be like a god damn oven in there. The threstral tripped over a branch, causing the human to run into her. "Get off me!" The bat pony scrambled up, accidentally hitting the human with her helmet. The man let out a groan as he held his face. The threstral quickly apologized, regretting her sudden movements. "Sorry!" she looked at the human concernedly. Not because she actually cared for his well being, but she didn't want the hairless monkey to have a fit. He was already bitchy enough as it is. "Oww..." the man groaned, holding his even more bruised face. He glared at the pony through a crack between two of his fingers. "Fucker..." He groaned once more, his back bent at a small angle. He was pretty sure that the bat pony was the source of all his problems at this point. "So that's a yes, then!" The threstral said happily, all traces of her previous mood now non existent. The man clenched the left side of his face, keeping his right eye on the bat pony as he limped after her. The horse seemed to look like she didn't just walk for eight hours straight, which kind of pissed off the man. He didn't like being beat, but it didn't stop him from making excuses on to why he was being beaten. 'She's a soldier right? Didn't she say she used to scout areas out for enemies? Well, no fucking wonder! She literally trained for years doing this.' The hot fire of inferiority was extinguished by the icy comfort of his own rather bullshit explanation. He threw away any notion of his advantages, by simply believing she just had more experience. Not that the bat pony was better than him - no, he simply wouldn't, no, couldn't believe in such blasphemy. It wasn't in his nature to submit, but he'd damn well get as close as he could. An odd character, to an extent. However, all this compelling conversation between two sides of the mind didn't change the fact the surrounding air was cold as all hell. Arguably, his situation turned a lot better as the sun was finally going down. He put a hand on the back of his neck, instantly yanking it back as the skin around the back of his head stung and seemed to hiss as he made contact. It made him worried, not due to the pain, but mostly due to the fact he was pretty sure he heard sizzling going on back there. But what made him even more concerned, was the fact he couldn't feel it without the area being provoked. It either meant A. It was a minor sunburn or B. he had skin cancer, at least that's what he thinks. He hoped it was A, although it still sucked, it was less suckier than the other one. It still sucked. The sun was going down though, so he couldn't really complain. It was either getting stranded out in the woods in thirty degree weather with only his casual clothes on, or having the comfort of the burning ball of gas in the sky burning like the big asshole it is and giving you sunburn, plus freezing you balls off. At least he still had some warmth, but nightfall...He could shiver at the thought - if he barely touched his neck, and it hurt more than that one time he let his brother try to help him weld car parts together, then he was pretty sure this was going to suck. A little farther on, and the human noticed something. It got very cold, very fast. The man is well, by all means, a very confident person. Some would call him cocky, but compared to others, he wasn't exactly a giant cock like some of the people he knew. However, just because he was a bit overly confident, didn't mean he was stupid. By all means, that is very far from the truth. In fact, it can easily be recalled that most of the people he grew up with were blown away by how intelligent he COULD be, it still didn't change the fact he was an ass. Even when complimented, he'd rarely actually accept it, usually rubbing it off on common sense and low expectations. It was an odd thing really - he didn't consider himself smart, he didn't consider himself racist or sexist, and he often he didn't consider people were higher or lower than him. He just...well, he just was. Hell, the only reason he actually got girls and dates back in high school was because he simply didn't give a damn. You could be poor, rich, fat, or skinny, it didn't matter. Friend or foe, he'd treat you almost the same. Although, most of his 'friends' weren't actually voluntary, as the feeling definitely wasn't mutual. He didn't really give a fuck about anyone, and there really wasn't anything that could deter that fact. Of course, he wasn't a psychopath, at least not by his standards. For instance, if the pony in front of him was, say, suddenly having trouble walking, he'd probably attempt to help her. Unless he had to carry her. Fuck that. His shoes flip flopped and leaked water as he walked below the forest's canopy, following the threstral. They didn't really have a plan, besides just walking in a certain direction until civilization was found. The man stumbled weakly after the bat pony, barely keeping up the pace with her. "Can we stop?" his legs were throbbing, he couldn't possibly walk any further. "Can we stop?" The bat pony mimicked, saying it in a whiny voice. The human braked abruptly, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't sound like that!" He said angrily as the bat pony turned around to look at him and rolled her eyes. "I don't sound like that. Wahh wahh, i'm a hairless monkey, boohoo! Stop being a little filly!" She responded in kind. "Well... Shut up!" He threw his arms up in the air in frustration. "You shut up!" she flared her nostrils. The human instantly foresaw the future, and decided to avoid his face being repeatedly beaten by that golden horseshoe. You think it's funny, but it isn't. It fucking hurts. "Eugh!" The human let his arms fall down to his waist, only to bring up his wrist in order to wipe sweat off his face. "For fuck's sake, I just want to take a break! We've been walking for ten fucking hours! Maybe even a dozen! Let me take a god damn rest, Mrs. Stick Up Her Ass!" He said hostilely, lumbering down into a sitting position. The bat pony looked at him confusedly. "What does this have to do with donkeys?" She asked. The man looked at her, and promptly flipped the fuck out. "Fine, here let me spell it out for you, you dumb fuck! Why do you always have a fucking pole up your god damn clit, you fucking cunt!? It seems like all you can fucking do is make this even more frustrating for me, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time dealing with you!" The man stood up, glaring at her "You're a fucking degenerate, you fucking disgust me, and you're a fucking parasite! Fuck! You!" He emphasized the last two words by getting up into her face, giving her the oh so delightful middle finger. The threstral looked at him, a trace of what seemed to be tears forming in her eyes. The threstral looked up at him, and opened her mouth. "Honestly, I didn't know what half of those words meant." The man simply stared. *************************************************************************** The human's spirits had soared in the past few moments, because they found something almost as good as civilization. A road. Albeit, a dirt road, but a road all the same. Unfortunately, the pair hadn't found any signs or a marker to led the towards a settlement of some sorts, but he couldn't really complain. At least the hard part was over. All they had to do was to follow it, however the fact that they still were in the forest unnerved him. The road wasn't exactly clear - vegetation crowding up sizable portions of the path - but it was undeniable that this was indeed, a road. There was no way it couldn't be, he'd find it hard to believe that some magical thing actually took the time to make it instead of the midget horses that inhabited the place. By now it was nightfall, and it worried the oddly matched team. The trees seemed to close in to seal the gap every step they took, although the threstral was pretty sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her, and the human simply not caring enough to pay any attention. Both of them were tired, even the energetic facade the pony was wearing was slowly being chipped away due to sheer fatigue and other bodily needs. The threstral wasn't doing too bad, as she still wasn't so thirsty. She was hungry though, and in more than one way. The urge to sink her fangs into a warm creature and hear the skin give way under her sharp canines was a rather pleasant thought. As much as she wanted to do just that to the monkey beside her, a part of her wanted to wait until they reached civilization. Who knows, she might need to tie a knot and the human would have already been sucked dry like a juice box. Might be worth it though. The human was honestly tempted to pull out his phone and play some tunes, but he didn't exactly know how the threstral would react. He contemplated it for a moment - nah, the fuck am I playing? He down right pulled it out and put it on the highest volume setting, scrolling through songs to see which he should play. The threstral wasn't paying attention at the moment as the man scrolled through his selection. "Should I play some Aerosmith?" he mumbled, quickly shaking his head. "Bon Jovi? Nah..." He frowned. "U2? Fuck that. The Cranberries? Umm...nope. Uhh..." He put on his most shit eating grin he could possibly muster. He'd piss someone off today. A loud noise came from the phone as the song began to play, several strange noises emitting from it. The threstral looked over, her eyes curious. She really hated that hairless monkey right now. *************************************************************** The bat pony's nerves were on it's last legs after the unending assault of terrible 20's pop music and 'dubstep'. 'Whatever the hell that is...' she snorted as the hairless monkey seemed to be doing a strange ritual of some sorts, well, maybe that's what anypony would think it would be doing. She was pretty sure it was doing it out of spite. She still didn't understand why anyone in their right mind with such advanced technology waste it's potential on such...foul music? The threstral hoped all of his kind weren't so annoying. It wasn't like she might see them anyway, and even though she was a kind, gentle pony, she was really wondering why his parents didn't just leave him on the street somewhere. By all means, he wasn't the biggest dick she'd met before. In fact, he was actually quite nice compared to them. But the thing the really irked her, was that it was doing this on purpose just to get a kick out of it, unlike previous assholes she had met before who weren't even aware of the fact that they were,well, assholes. The music wasn't helping either, or whatever was playing out of that hoof sized box of his. For all she knew, it could be black magic or some shit. She honestly was tempted to smack the thing out of the monkey's hand. She was willing to do pretty much everything at this point, just to get him to stop. It couldn't be that durable, right? It's just a little fancy box. Although, it could survive one of the tallest waterfalls in Equestria, and that wasn't exactly anything to sneeze at. That was a tall plunge, and it barely looked like it got a scratch. To be fair however, they were practically in a steel coffin. With cushions. Very, very filthy cushions. The threstral really didn't know how she got into the steel carriage with the primate, or if it even owned in the first place. It wasn't exactly a unreasonable assumption if she was pretty sure he was stealing. She found it quite easy to believe, actually. Still, she had never seen such... a strange animal. Even those monkeys she read about from books that described and cataloged animals in the rain forests of those countries and what not. She couldn't for the life of her remember what their names were. She really should've taken geography. Alas, too bad the past is the past. However, the human was actually doing quite well in terms of mood, although it was in the suffering of someone else, no matter how menial. He really didn't like the music that much - maybe one or two perhaps, but that was about it. His old friend Phillip would've hated it. It was still funny as all hell though. After all, he couldn't be an unhappy fuck all the time, now could he? At least it wasn't like those road trips he took with his family, but now that he looked back at it he kind of wished he had enjoyed it more. Didn't change the fact his folks and bastard siblings were still snobby imposing fucks, but he digressed. It wasn't so bad back home when he was growing up, he actually had a lot of friends and hell, he almost could have acquired a scholarship if he actually tried. Try. Well, that's a rather foreign word when placed next to the man's name in a sentence. He could have tried to be a four point oh student, if he tried. He could have settled down and had a family having plenty enough to sustain themselves, and then some. He could have tried to be successful in the military, medical school, law school, anything you named he had a mild interest in it, besides cosmetology of course. But he didn't, and now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he didn't. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Well, he would try not to. Honestly, he really didn't know why. School was easy as hell - at least to him - and really, he rather enjoyed participating in it. Most of the time anyway. At least he never failed, he supposed that was good enough. He could have pondered it more, but a sudden wake up call via phone being snatched out his hand and thrown against the dirt road. "Hu- What the fuck are you doing?! Now how am I going to listen to my god damn tunes?" He cursed, glaring at the pony and taking a look at the cracked phone. It's speakers crackled, signaling it's malfunction. "That's what you get for putting me through...whatever that was!" the threstral said angrily, her feminine voice ruining any threatening tone that she could have attempted. The human was fuming, his fists clenched in rage. He was tempted to swing a fist at the pony, but thought better of it. After all, he was pretty sure if he hit her his fist would only be rewarded with pain. Lots of pain. "Well, you could have just asked, you bastard!" He fumbled with his hands, throwing them up in exasperation. He didn't think her face could frown any harder. It did. "I asked you at least ten bucking times, but you were too busy doing your dumb -" she attempted to stand up and fling her hooves around, only to fall on her side to the ground. She quickly dusted her self off and stood on her all fours. "Well, you get the idea!" The human scowled at her response. He hunkered down and dusted off the cracked phone as he picked it off. He blew across the screen of it, fiddling with the power button. Nothing. Not even a hum, or a spark of light, nothing. He sighed, before yelling angrily. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" He threw the phone as hard as he could, the husk crossing over the forest's canopy. He was about to pounce on the pony to beat her face in, but was stopped as he heard something. They both froze, turning their heads to see what direction it came from. When they were clear they just heard local wildlife, they immediately returned into the battle stances, their eyes locked into a staring contest. The human blinked, and opened his eyes to find himself to be lying on the ground with his belly up. The pony tried to slam her front hooves into his chest and his face, her feverish attempts slowly wearing the human down as he tried to keep himself from getting hit in the face. Again. His efforts were for naught however, as made evident by her golden horseshoe hitting him in the jaw. Fortunately, the man, who you may or may not be rooting for, managed to wiggle his feet under the pony and kick her off. He scrambled up, his arms hurting like a bitch. It felt like he had been ran over by a horse. Which may or may not be close to what actually happened. He turned around and lunged at her, tackling her while she recovered, her back facing him. As his body made contact, her legs gave out from the sudden change of weight, practically making her hopeless as the man had her in a headlock. She had never been in such commonly practiced human rituals, as found apparent as she attempted to breathe. "Can't...breathe...!" she struggled to get out, only to find the pressure on her neck suddenly being released as the human scrambled up. She gasped, rolling over to her back as she struggled to consume oxygen. She felt hands around her hooves, causing her to scream and kick. The human's grasp was released as her was kicked in the shin, causing him to let out several 'ows'. "Oh, why hello there! I see you two are having quite the dispute." The threstral turned her head towards the voice, seeing an elderly pony smiling warmly at them. The human nudged the pony to get up with his foot, causing her to bounce up. She smiled nervously as the human scratched the back of his head in a little bit of a confusion. "Uh...herro?" he couldn't help but have his speech slurred a bit, his cheeks having taken even more of a beating. He waved. The human waited for the pony to greet the old pony. "Hu- oh, hello!" the threstral woke out of her stupor as the human pinched her through a gap in her armor. "I see your both quite tired, perhaps I could interest you in staying in my home for the night?" The pair nodded vigorously. The elderly stallion chuckled, letting out a small laugh. "That's the spirit, I suppose." The two followed the stallion, erasing any traces of hostility between them as the thought of a warm bed and dinner cooled the fire between them. The man and the blood sucking bat pony might finally get a break. A small one. Chapter Four - Common Hospitality Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.HiatusYep. A hiatus. I might return back to this, but for some reason Negative Thought's just kills my creativity. My own damned creation! Either way, I'll continue to write in other ways, and I'll probably be posting a new story that will be planned out better and will keep my interest. This may be disappointing for some, and a relief for others. So if you tend to enjoy my writing style, you might want to keep tabs on my page and see if any new content comes out. Sorry for those that were in for the long haul, but don't worry, some day this asshole's story will be written down. Plenty of kinds of comedic bipedal primate action is to be had, so keep your eyes open. Some day this hiatus will end, but it'll have to wait.
Chapter One - BearingsThe man awoke cough and spluttering water out of his lungs, his eyes wide as he gasped for breath. He didn't know how long he was out, or if he was unconscious in the first place. He shook his head, getting his bearings. 'Wonder where that annoying midget bat horse went...God, I really hope I don't find it...' he dug his elbow into the earth, propping himself up. Shakily, he stood, wiping off his hands on his pants and dusting off his old Metallica T shirt. He grimaced. 'Damn, that might as well have been a antique.' He was soaked. The man checked his pockets, pulling out his wallet and his phone. Oddly, his phone seemed to actually work, as it's screen was perfectly fine, albeit a small crack on the left corner. He looked at the battery, which seemed to be on full charge. Even weirder. "Welp, might as well play some tunes..." He muttered, searching for his playlist of songs. Little did he know, right behind him was a thirsty threstral, who felt liking fucking his shit. "Ah ha! Gotcha!" A feminine voice called out to the man as he turned around, only to be wrestled to the ground by the heavy pony. "AH! GET OFF!" He fended off the pony, using one hand to slip himself from out under it and the other to hold it back. Eventually, he gained enough room to kick the pony of of him, giving him the opportunity to scramble to his feet. "God damn freak!" He shouted, steadying himself. "Who are you calling a freak, hairless monkey?!" She glared daggers at him, her nostrils flared. 'Shit.' The bat pony charged, jumping at the last second. It slammed into his chest, causing him to fall on his ass once more. She rained down a flurry of punches, hitting him hard in the face and the chest area. It was even worse since she had on horse shoes. The man punched her as hard as he could muster, eliciting a trickle of blood to come out of her muzzle. She was knocked back, allowing him to weakly get up. With a groan he got up, his knees shivering. The two were locked in a glaring contest, well, the human not so much. His cheek was bruised and he was pretty sure he was boned. The pony was the first one to snap out of the stare off, interrupting it with a question. "Do we have to fight?" She asked. "You attacked me!" The human scowled. "Well, yeah, but... you're a monster. Of course I'm going to attack you, it's my job, but since you can talk..." The man groaned at her response. "Oh, so after I give you the fisting of a life time you suddenly want to negotiate? You just wanted to fucking play hero!" He yelled angrily. "Uh...Yes?" she nervously smiled. He sighed. "How come everyone I fucking meet is a retard? Seriously..." He turned around and walked the other way. He reached down to grab his phone and slid it into his jean's pocket, letting out a grunt as he got up. The pony rushed to catch up. "Where are you going?" She pestered, trailing behind him. He stood there for a second, then turned around. "None of your business." He said, crossing his arms in an attempt to look threatening. It was hard to do, considering the fact his face looked like a rotten melon. It was a miracle he could even talk, considering how bruised his cheek was. "It IS my business since I'm part of the Royal Guard." She said, crossing her arms. He sighed. "God, do they let pathetic fucks like you join it? Jesus, the Royal Guard...If they let you join, I bet you they'd let any shit head join it too." He said with malice, scowling at her. She glared at him. "Hah, kitty got claws bitch." The man said, waving her off as he walked away down the beach of the lake. The pony still followed though, despite his protests he couldn't keep her away. "That was mean..." She said after a minute of walking. The man looked down at the pony, which was around four feet tall. He was tempted to spit on her, kick her, anything to get the damned pony away. "Of course it was supposed to be mean, I want you to go away." She frowned. The man shook his head, and looked down at his shirt. There was a small stain of blood, although he couldn't tell who's blood it was. He let out another sigh. "Well.. uhm... I have to protect you! Yeah, that's it. It's ordered by the guard's contract that every mare and stallion in the Royal Guard must defend it's citizens." She smugly said, smiling up at him. He gave up. There was no point in arguing with her - she was just going to follow him either way. The man decided, she could be useful. Suddenly, the man stopped. "Where are we going exactly?" he said, scratching his head. "Well, not into the Everfree forest. Trust me on that one - it's going to get dark soon and we'll need to set up camp somewhere if we don't make it to a town somewhere. I'd say Ponyville since it's close, but we'd have to cut through that damned forest. We'll just have to venture around it." She said, as if it explained everything. The man decided to question. "But why are we going AWAY from the capital? You're in the military right? So why are you acting like your squad isn't going to look for you?" The human questioned, he knew he had her. The bat pony hastily came up with a cover. "Well... uhmm.. I'm a loner! Yes, I check out the area for the troops." She gave him a flashy smile. "Bullsh-" An explosion rang out through the air, causing both of them to look up with shock. He saw those bugs falling like stones as a pink force field went over them, causing him to panic as the field approached them. "Fuck this!" He shouted, running like an Ethiopian. The threstral raced to catch up to him. He turned his head, seeing the pony quickly catching up. He didn't want to die today by some over sized pink bubble gum balloon. By this time, the pony was neck and neck. That's when he heard something that he scared him more than the giant pink field, more than the fact he was stuck in magical horsey land, more than the fact that he had an erection lasting longer than four hours. A roar reverberated around the landscape, only serving the two of them to haul their asses faster. 'The fuck was that?! Don't look, don't look, don't lo-' He looked behind him. A giant lion with a fucking scorpion tail burst out the forest beside them, almost crushing the pair. The beast was quick to get up however, soon giving chase to the man and the pony. The giant bubble had consumed the creature, but it was fine. Had the man turned and looked, he probably would've figured out the bubble was harmless, but still would've been screwed either way. He heard several splashes, the bugs landing with thumps as they hit the lake at near brick breaking speeds. Luckily, most of the bugs themselves had fallen in or at least around the city, so they didn't prove too much of an obstacle in the man's running. 'Maybe I should trip her...' He actually lingered on the thought as he sprinted, his situation getting more drastic as his legs began to get sore. It was a miracle he hadn't been caught yet, he wasn't exactly 'fit'. He had a slight build, around sixty nine inches tall, but it wasn't anything special. Then he saw it - a perfect distraction. A camp was lying beside the beach, a couple of bird lion thingies doing chores and of the like. "Quick, run through the camp!" He said, ushering the pony to follow him. He changed his course, running straight through the center of the camp. They looked confused for a minute, he even heard a couple of comments. "What the buck?" He paid no mind however, his mind set to getting away as fast as he could from the creature. He heard a few screams and yells, but it didn't matter. 'Well...They're fucked. *********************************************************** Prince Talon was sent to visit Equestria by his father to discuss something about the trade of narcotics and weapons through their borders. His father was too ill to do it himself, so he sent his son instead. To say his son was excited was an understatement - he was excited to actually do something regal by himself for once! Not just watching the meetings - don't get him wrong, he really enjoyed the aspect of it - but actually being apart of them. He loved politics, after all he takes after his father. It was a good thing, as his brother couldn't stand it. He was offered a room by the equestrians, but he didn't think the ponies would condone hunting. There was some big game out here. "Finished plucking the feathers of that cockatrice, Wring?" said the prince, looking down at the guard. His armor had the regular Griffonian shine and emblem, a outstretched talon, the rest of the armor painted a selection of dark yellow, red, and black. "Yes, Prince Talon. It's ready to be skinned. Should be more than enough for the four of us." Wring said to the prince, plucking off one last feather with his talon. "What shall I do with it, sir?" he asked. "Give it to Beren and tell him to skin it." the prince told the guard, eager to eat. "Yes sir." He watched the soldier talk to Baren, their armor glimmering in the orange sun. He looked over the camp, smiling at nothing in particular. It was a good day. That was, until he saw the strangest thing. A hairless ape with clothes running with a vampony towards their temporary establishment. All the griffons looked at the pair, the four of them looking on in confusion. They ran straight through the middle of the camp, knocking over a few things in their wake. "Damn blood sucking bastard!" A nameless griffon (who will remain nameless) shouted at the pair. They ran straight past the prince as he couldn't help but say the words that fit the mood. "What the buck?" He averted his attention from the pair. He shrugged. "Well, that was quite strange am I ri-" "OH GODS IT JUST TORE OFF MY WINGS!" ***************************************************************** The man hadn't known how long he had been running, but eventually he gave out and tripped, falling on his already bruised face. He accepted his fate, death by giant bubble gum balloons. The bat pony followed suit. The man closed his eyes as he let the bubble sweep over him, expecting it to kill him only to find that it was harmless. His eyes widened in surprise, a smile laid on his face. He laid there for several minutes as he tried to regain his breath. He felt winded, but he was happy. So fucking happy. "YES!" He shouted at nothing in particular, startling the threstral laying beside him. "We did it... We fucking escaped that...THING!" "It was... a manticore. A big one at that. I feel bad for those griffons though..." The man looked at her, turning his head as they rested in the sand. "Who gives a damn? They're birds. I couldn't give less shits about the things, survival of the fucking fittest." he shakily got up to his feet. His whole body shook and he had chills down his spine. He felt very cold, but it was a subtle cold. He looked around, and saw that the sun was setting. They'd need to find civilization soon. "They're a sapient species, if it was some bunny or something I wouldn't be feeling as bad, but griffons think and feel, like anypony." He would had picked up on the pun, but he didn't catch it. "Whatever, be glad I didn't fucking trip you instead." He said with anger. The man was tired and hungry, emphasis on hungry. He wanted a bed to sleep in, maybe some warm, juicy steak, and some hot cocoa. "Look, we're cold, tired, and hungry. Let's just focus on the task at hand, not get mad at each other. Okay?" The man was angry, but he wasn't angry enough not to be able to make sense of how serious the situation was. Even though he didn't want to admit it, she was right. "Alright...Sooner I get a bed to sleep in, the better." They began to walk in the direction they were previously heading, the man limping along as he followed the threstral. It would be dark soon, and they needed shelter. Author's Note Well, I had a bit of fun writing this chapter. As always, leave criticism below.
Chapter Two - MildewThere was only one thought in the man's mind - he was tired. It had begun to pour long ago, causing his wet clothes to become even more soaked. He let out a groan, shambling along with the bat pony beside him. The surrounding night was foggy and misty, causing the pair to occasionally stumble into each other. The bat pony wanted to set up shelter somewhere, but the man 'convinced' her to continue. The man almost didn't notice the bat pony falling, the splatter of mud on him brought him back to attention. He glared down at the pony. "I-I can't..." The bat pony stuttered as she shivered in the mud. He was tempted to just leave her there, and continue the journey himself. The only thing keeping him from doing that was the fact she knew a lot more about the world then he did. The man bent down, and attempted to drag the threstral by the gaps in her armor, inevitably only causing him to fall on his ass. "No..." He said, his body twitching. "You will, or I'll..." He fell back into the mud, letting it overtake him. At least, for now. The bat pony raised her eyebrow, curious. "Monkey guy? Yoo hoo..." She heard the man let out deep breaths, his eyes closed as his chest raised up and down. "Ugh...Buck it." She rolled onto her side, using her hoof to cushion her head as she fell to sleep, letting the mud cake around her uhh.... forearm? Whatever, it's a fucking hoof. ******************************************************************* The threstral awoke with a start, the man shaking her roughly. She slapped his hand away, groaning as the sun blinded her. She wiped the dried mud off her gold armor, shaking herself in an attempt to get the mud off."What is it damnit?" She glared daggers at the back of his head, shielding her eyes with her hoof. "Let's go." the man said, nudging his head. "Do you have eggs?" She asked, perking up. "Wh-? No I don't have fucking eggs, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't share'em with you! Now hurry the fuck up and let's go." He said angrily at her, his face turned into a snarl. Well, as much as his beaten face could, anyway. The bat pony whined. "I don't want tooooooooo-" The human cut her off. "Too fucking bad! Let's go!" He nearly shouted, glaring at the pony. The threstral sat on her rump as she digged her hooves into the ground. She glared back at the human. "Not until I get my eggs." The human held his head. "WHY?! YOU'RE A GOD DAMN HERBIVORE! HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVEN EAT EGGS?!" the human was tempted to slap the shit out of the threstral for even mentioning eggs. Now she was demanding them. "Nuh uh." The human deadpanned. "Uh huh." "Nuh uh!" "Uh huh." "Nuh u-" The human grasped the threstral's shoulders with his hands and practically screamed at her. "I WILL FUCKING LEAVE YOUR SORRY ASS HERE IF YOU DON'T LEAVE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" the man clenched his teeth. "God fucking damnit...Let's just go!" The man said, rubbing his forehead with his hands. The man turned around, ready to begin the trek to (hopefully) civilization. The vampony whined once more, much to the humans disappointment. "But it's still dark! Oh wait, I like the dark..." She trailed off, looking away then averting her attention back to him. "Well, lead the way!" She said positively. "What? But your the gui- Oh screw it..." He said, his raised hand flopped back to his side as he turned around and walked to his previous destination. The pony bounded after him. If you compared the two's faces, it was clear to see that they were both very, very unhappy with their current situation. The man wore a visage of anger and horribly hidden confusion, while the threstral wore a face of false joyfulness and excitement. However, there was no notice of this, as the man's only thought was simple, but pretty much wrapped up everything in a nutshell. 'Stupid fucking bat horse...' ********************************************************************* "YES! CIVILIZATION!" The man shouted gleefully, falling to his knees as he raised his hands in the air. There, on the beach, a house laid, the early mist fog blocked the sun's rays. "Uh...There's nothing there Monkey guy." the threstral interrupted his one moment of happiness, and snapped him back to reality. He rubbed his eyes with his semi clean wrist. There was nothing there. Damn. "What?! Where did it....aw fuck it." He didn't quell on it, instead he looked forward. They were approaching the end of the lake's beach. Close enough. None of them spoke as the pair made their way to the treeline. The man noticed a old wooden sign nailed to a tree, and he read. "Whitetail Woods?" He said aloud, putting a finger on his chin. The bat pony huffed. "Should have taken bucking geography..." The man was tempted to say 'yes you probably should've' but he was too busy walking into the forest, dedicated to finding some form of civilization. The threstral finally noticed the man walking away. "Hey! Where are you going?" She shouted after him, quick to follow. He continued to walk through the wood, his footsteps crunching on yellow and orange leaves, sometimes snapping the occasional twig. "There's only one way out of the damn clearing, and that's through this fucking forest. Fucking forests." He answered and cursed, wasting no time in casting the blame upon nature. Fucking nature. "Well give me some warning at least!" The bat pony complained. "I mean, where the buck are we going?!" The human didn't answer, his mind set on walking in a set direction. The pony was now beside the human, matching his pace. He walking with a weight in his step, his sneakers digging into the moist ground even through the fallen leaves. It was odd as the trees that surrounded the wood was green as ever, whilst the interior trees were in the effects of fall. The human paid no mind to the oddity, instead focusing on his direction. The pony however, was having a battle of the minds raging in her skull 'How the buck am I going to get back to my squad? Maybe I should have waited at the beach...I can't now though - that manticore is bound to be waiting.' She frowned at nothing in particular. The bat pony was confused, yes, but not angry. She followed the man, no words spoken between each other. She couldn't help but think of how she's actually helping this hairless primate, no less letting it lead her through Whitetail Woods. There wasn't really anything special about the forest, but lots of superstition was based around the woodlands and how it came to be. Her hunger was at the back of her mind, her thirst for water taking main priority. And maybe asking the monkey for some blood. She shrugged off the thought - they'll have plenty of that synthetic stuff at the barracks. It might as well have been just tomato paste, but it was better than nothing. How she would just love to pounce on an unsuspecting victim, sink her fangs into it's warm, soft skin...Or maybe it'll be rough and rugged, or tough like carpet. The possibilities were endless when you picked out who you would feed on. It's like picking out what you want for dinner - maybe something traditional, like salad or a veggie spaghetti. Or, if you want something new, you could pick out something exotic, like the Griffonian dishes. Oh the possibilities, they were endless, nothing could describe how many choices you had. It didn't change the fact that she did not follow protocol, in case of an emergency where a member of a squad is separated from the rest of it's unit, it's usually advised to wait for recon. She didn't believe in that though, despite her uncaring nature. She had almost no faith in the pegasi, which is why she didn't trust that feathered punk Wing Breaker. The rest of her squadron was either unicorn or earth pony. She was pretty sure they didn't like Breaker much either. A little bastard, he is. The human was completely unaware of the fact that he midget vampire horse behind him was contemplating on sucking him dry like a Caprisun. Suddenly, he began to sprint forwards, well, as fast as a starving, tired man could anyway. "FREEDOM! Come to meeeeeeeeeee...god fucking damnit." He slapped himself with his right hand, roughly dragging it down against his face. "What is it, Mo- Are you bucking kidding me right now!?" The threstral saw exactly what the human saw - a cliff. Frankly, this sort of pissed her off a good bit. "How the hell are we going get down there?" She said to mainly herself, but her eyes couldn't help but look at the man's hands and oddly shaped feet. 'Perfect for climbing....' the batpony lingered on the thought of 'convincing' the human to climb down the cliff, but as she hardly believed the man would actually do it. She knew she damn well wouldn't. "Shit..." The man looked at his surroundings, the cliff face giving him a bird's eye view of the place. It really was quite beautiful - the sun was rising, and it shone a purple and orange glow around the landscape. Then he caught it - a steep incline in the cliff's impenetrable thickness marked a way out, and by god, was he going to take it. "There! See that?" he pointed to the rocky hill, the bat pony's eyes being slowly led to what he was so excited about. She deadpanned. "Yes, and?" She said angrily, her mood soured by starvation, thirst, fatigue, and, well, her day was a very shitty one. "Let's get down that way." The human said, letting his arm drop to his side. The bat pony glared at him. "How the hell are we going to do that?" the threstral couldn't believe his answer. There was no way she could get down there, her body just wasn't meant for it. "Well, duh. You have god damn wings, use'em." The threstral didn't think she could glare more harshly at the hairless ape. "Are you joking?! Please tell me you're joking! Do these damned wings look like they carry anything?!" She said harshly, in a raised voice. The human glared back at her. "Well sorry, I thought they had magic in'em of something!" He said, his brow furrowed. "Of course they do, everypony has magic in them, but just because it's magical doesn't mean it's a bucking miracle worker!" the threstral answered. The human waved her off. "Whatever! I'm going down that way, and no way in hell am I staying up here to babysit your ass!" Despite previous mentions, he meant it. The man just wanted a nice warm bed to sleep in, some soup, and maybe a god damn shower. Hell, he wouldn't mind if it was fucking freezing, he just wanted to be 'clean'. He turned away, and walked towards his destination. "Fine! I'll find my own way down then! Have fun falling to your death, you damn ape!" She spat. The threstral turned away, and stomped off. The human kept on walking, raising his arm as his middle finger attempted to touch the sky. "Fucking horse." He said after a while of silence. Maybe it wasn't the best course of action, but the human was pissed. There really isn't any other way to say it. The man tripped up on a couple of rocks, catching himself with his hands. At least he didn't land on his face - that would have been bad. He winced at the stinging sensation in his hands, eventually just wiping his hands on his pants. He looked to the horizon, the horizon shimmering softly on his bruised and swollen face. It hurt like a bitch, but he got used to it after a while. Surprisingly, he didn't really have much trouble talking. He rubbed his cheek, instantly pulling it away as the giant bruise sent a rocket of pain through his face. "God damn bat horse." The man breathed shakily, his bruised face was a mixture of cold and heat. The wind easily passed through the cotton fibers in his Metallica shirt, causing a shiver to tingle down his spine. It was definitely fall, and it really shone it. The man tried to remember what month it was back home, but he definitely knew it was spring. Well, he wasn't actually sure - the seasons didn't really change much back home anyways, besides snowing, and that was a rarity. At least he had his T.V and his ancient console. It was a miracle that thing ran. It was ironic, considering a few years ago his Xbox 360 would have been shoved in the back of his closet. Now it's the most precious thing he has. Had. His thoughts mingled with old ones, igniting his memories of playing video games with his friends. Well, they weren't really his friends anymore. He cut off his communication with his friends and family. The man grimaced, avoiding the thought. Plenty of time to think about it later. The biped was shambling along the cliff face for a good ten minutes, finding his destination. He looked down the steep incline, frowning at the future journey. 'This is as good as it's going to get, so just fucking roll with it.' the man thought, gingerly taking a step on a flat rock. He never bothered with Boy Scouts, and he was regretting it now. His mood began to turn more positive as he started to make progress. He took another, his sneaker softly setting land on the rock. The man slowly began to get faster as he trekked down the hill. He didn't want to trip up and end up like grated cheese on those damned stones, and preferably he wanted the risk to begone as fast as possible. Alas, it didn't last forever as he made a bad move, his foot landing on a loosened piece of the hill. Fortunately, he didn't have too much of a fall, only eliciting his shirt to rip and the skin under it to be grazed, a trickle of blood coming out of the wound. "God damnit!" the man cursed as he put his hand over the cut, his fingers closing to hold the shirt together. He was mad, not because of the wound, but because of his shirt. It seemed like the world just didn't want him to have anything related to the 90's. Although to be honest, he didn't like the band that much anyway. He liked maybe one or two of their songs, but that was about it. Still, it had guitars and drums in it, so it was reason enough to declare himself a fan. God damn wannabe. He slowly raised himself, dusting himself off. He walked forward, stumbling a bit as he traveled. He felt something wet cover his pants, and for a moment he thought he pissed himself, then he realized his shoes were an inch or so deep in some water. He paid no heed to the fact his filthy clothes contaminated the water, dropping down to his knees to allow his hands to cup around the life sustaining liquid as he brought it up to his face. The man gulped it down, having no regard for hygiene or anything of that sort. He didn't even feel the wind that trickled over the hairs on his neck, the only thought on his mind was of quenching his thirst. The water put new life into him, the liquid moistening his parched throat. He continued to drink from the source until his need was satisfied. He got off his knees and sat on his bottom, running his hands through his thick and wild hair. The sun was coming out in full force, it's harsh glare directed at the human. It was exactly what he needed, allowing the burning ball of gas to heat the human. He laid himself out like a star, letting his body dry out in the sun. The man sighed, his needs satisfied for now. He was still hungry, that always nagged at him, but he just wanted to lie there in the success of his rather meager endeavor, but an endeavor all the same. The man laid down, his back bitten by the rather painful rocks below him, but he didn't mind too much. He could sit like this forever. He smiled dumbly, looking at the blue sky, every once in a while looking in the opposite direction in case his eyes wandered too close to the sun. Until, a gold horseshoe stomped beside him, a certain bat pony glaring at him. Her teeth were gritted, her face contorted in anger. The armor only added to it, albeit covered in mud and filth. The man scrambled up, accidentally landing ass first into the puddle he was previously drinking from. His knees wobbled shakily as he stood up. "Hey! I was thirsty!" "You didn't have to take a bucking bath in the only clean source of water out here for miles, you dimwit!" The threstral seethed. The man shrugged. "Well, it's still clean! See, look!" He crouched down and cupped the water in his hands, taking a sip but couldn't help but spit it out. It was full of mud. The man smiled nervously at the bat pony. The threstral deadpanned. "Yeah, okay." The bat pony turned around and walked away, her mind set on abandoning the human. "Hey, wait!" Author's Note Gave the poor guy a respite. As always, leave criticism below and such.
Chapter Three - RamblingsAuthor's Note If you're wondering if this is going to be a particularly entertaining chapter, than I am compelled to tell you it will not be so. Now, I suppose most of the readers of this shit storm of a story may be quite upset with the lack of comedy and action, however there is a reason why I do not have the comedy tag listed. Perhaps I should add said tag, as this definitely isn't a drama. At least, I'd hope it isn't. In case you guys are wondering if I actually pre read my chapters, usually I only do it if I feel my chapters are out of sync, or things are going too fast. I feel that this pace is actually quite a decent one, although I'd love to get out of this damned forest, but I can't just have them magically open a portal or some shit. Oh and - As always, leave comments and criticism below. Also, I am looking for pre-readers, just comment or personally message me if you're interested. I'm hoping to get quite a few, as I like a range of opinions. Chapter Three - Ramblings By all accounts, the man was quite...well, bored. Bored and tired. It didn't help that not even God seemed to be on his side, as made evident by the gusts of winds always hitting around the groin area, and the blaring sun beated down upon his neck. It was a hybrid of hot and cold, and his body simply couldn't adjust. The bat pony seemed to be faring better than he did, but only slightly. It was a good thing her armor was dirty, otherwise it would be like a god damn oven in there. The threstral tripped over a branch, causing the human to run into her. "Get off me!" The bat pony scrambled up, accidentally hitting the human with her helmet. The man let out a groan as he held his face. The threstral quickly apologized, regretting her sudden movements. "Sorry!" she looked at the human concernedly. Not because she actually cared for his well being, but she didn't want the hairless monkey to have a fit. He was already bitchy enough as it is. "Oww..." the man groaned, holding his even more bruised face. He glared at the pony through a crack between two of his fingers. "Fucker..." He groaned once more, his back bent at a small angle. He was pretty sure that the bat pony was the source of all his problems at this point. "So that's a yes, then!" The threstral said happily, all traces of her previous mood now non existent. The man clenched the left side of his face, keeping his right eye on the bat pony as he limped after her. The horse seemed to look like she didn't just walk for eight hours straight, which kind of pissed off the man. He didn't like being beat, but it didn't stop him from making excuses on to why he was being beaten. 'She's a soldier right? Didn't she say she used to scout areas out for enemies? Well, no fucking wonder! She literally trained for years doing this.' The hot fire of inferiority was extinguished by the icy comfort of his own rather bullshit explanation. He threw away any notion of his advantages, by simply believing she just had more experience. Not that the bat pony was better than him - no, he simply wouldn't, no, couldn't believe in such blasphemy. It wasn't in his nature to submit, but he'd damn well get as close as he could. An odd character, to an extent. However, all this compelling conversation between two sides of the mind didn't change the fact the surrounding air was cold as all hell. Arguably, his situation turned a lot better as the sun was finally going down. He put a hand on the back of his neck, instantly yanking it back as the skin around the back of his head stung and seemed to hiss as he made contact. It made him worried, not due to the pain, but mostly due to the fact he was pretty sure he heard sizzling going on back there. But what made him even more concerned, was the fact he couldn't feel it without the area being provoked. It either meant A. It was a minor sunburn or B. he had skin cancer, at least that's what he thinks. He hoped it was A, although it still sucked, it was less suckier than the other one. It still sucked. The sun was going down though, so he couldn't really complain. It was either getting stranded out in the woods in thirty degree weather with only his casual clothes on, or having the comfort of the burning ball of gas in the sky burning like the big asshole it is and giving you sunburn, plus freezing you balls off. At least he still had some warmth, but nightfall...He could shiver at the thought - if he barely touched his neck, and it hurt more than that one time he let his brother try to help him weld car parts together, then he was pretty sure this was going to suck. A little farther on, and the human noticed something. It got very cold, very fast. The man is well, by all means, a very confident person. Some would call him cocky, but compared to others, he wasn't exactly a giant cock like some of the people he knew. However, just because he was a bit overly confident, didn't mean he was stupid. By all means, that is very far from the truth. In fact, it can easily be recalled that most of the people he grew up with were blown away by how intelligent he COULD be, it still didn't change the fact he was an ass. Even when complimented, he'd rarely actually accept it, usually rubbing it off on common sense and low expectations. It was an odd thing really - he didn't consider himself smart, he didn't consider himself racist or sexist, and he often he didn't consider people were higher or lower than him. He just...well, he just was. Hell, the only reason he actually got girls and dates back in high school was because he simply didn't give a damn. You could be poor, rich, fat, or skinny, it didn't matter. Friend or foe, he'd treat you almost the same. Although, most of his 'friends' weren't actually voluntary, as the feeling definitely wasn't mutual. He didn't really give a fuck about anyone, and there really wasn't anything that could deter that fact. Of course, he wasn't a psychopath, at least not by his standards. For instance, if the pony in front of him was, say, suddenly having trouble walking, he'd probably attempt to help her. Unless he had to carry her. Fuck that. His shoes flip flopped and leaked water as he walked below the forest's canopy, following the threstral. They didn't really have a plan, besides just walking in a certain direction until civilization was found. The man stumbled weakly after the bat pony, barely keeping up the pace with her. "Can we stop?" his legs were throbbing, he couldn't possibly walk any further. "Can we stop?" The bat pony mimicked, saying it in a whiny voice. The human braked abruptly, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't sound like that!" He said angrily as the bat pony turned around to look at him and rolled her eyes. "I don't sound like that. Wahh wahh, i'm a hairless monkey, boohoo! Stop being a little filly!" She responded in kind. "Well... Shut up!" He threw his arms up in the air in frustration. "You shut up!" she flared her nostrils. The human instantly foresaw the future, and decided to avoid his face being repeatedly beaten by that golden horseshoe. You think it's funny, but it isn't. It fucking hurts. "Eugh!" The human let his arms fall down to his waist, only to bring up his wrist in order to wipe sweat off his face. "For fuck's sake, I just want to take a break! We've been walking for ten fucking hours! Maybe even a dozen! Let me take a god damn rest, Mrs. Stick Up Her Ass!" He said hostilely, lumbering down into a sitting position. The bat pony looked at him confusedly. "What does this have to do with donkeys?" She asked. The man looked at her, and promptly flipped the fuck out. "Fine, here let me spell it out for you, you dumb fuck! Why do you always have a fucking pole up your god damn clit, you fucking cunt!? It seems like all you can fucking do is make this even more frustrating for me, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time dealing with you!" The man stood up, glaring at her "You're a fucking degenerate, you fucking disgust me, and you're a fucking parasite! Fuck! You!" He emphasized the last two words by getting up into her face, giving her the oh so delightful middle finger. The threstral looked at him, a trace of what seemed to be tears forming in her eyes. The threstral looked up at him, and opened her mouth. "Honestly, I didn't know what half of those words meant." The man simply stared. *************************************************************************** The human's spirits had soared in the past few moments, because they found something almost as good as civilization. A road. Albeit, a dirt road, but a road all the same. Unfortunately, the pair hadn't found any signs or a marker to led the towards a settlement of some sorts, but he couldn't really complain. At least the hard part was over. All they had to do was to follow it, however the fact that they still were in the forest unnerved him. The road wasn't exactly clear - vegetation crowding up sizable portions of the path - but it was undeniable that this was indeed, a road. There was no way it couldn't be, he'd find it hard to believe that some magical thing actually took the time to make it instead of the midget horses that inhabited the place. By now it was nightfall, and it worried the oddly matched team. The trees seemed to close in to seal the gap every step they took, although the threstral was pretty sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her, and the human simply not caring enough to pay any attention. Both of them were tired, even the energetic facade the pony was wearing was slowly being chipped away due to sheer fatigue and other bodily needs. The threstral wasn't doing too bad, as she still wasn't so thirsty. She was hungry though, and in more than one way. The urge to sink her fangs into a warm creature and hear the skin give way under her sharp canines was a rather pleasant thought. As much as she wanted to do just that to the monkey beside her, a part of her wanted to wait until they reached civilization. Who knows, she might need to tie a knot and the human would have already been sucked dry like a juice box. Might be worth it though. The human was honestly tempted to pull out his phone and play some tunes, but he didn't exactly know how the threstral would react. He contemplated it for a moment - nah, the fuck am I playing? He down right pulled it out and put it on the highest volume setting, scrolling through songs to see which he should play. The threstral wasn't paying attention at the moment as the man scrolled through his selection. "Should I play some Aerosmith?" he mumbled, quickly shaking his head. "Bon Jovi? Nah..." He frowned. "U2? Fuck that. The Cranberries? Umm...nope. Uhh..." He put on his most shit eating grin he could possibly muster. He'd piss someone off today. A loud noise came from the phone as the song began to play, several strange noises emitting from it. The threstral looked over, her eyes curious. She really hated that hairless monkey right now. *************************************************************** The bat pony's nerves were on it's last legs after the unending assault of terrible 20's pop music and 'dubstep'. 'Whatever the hell that is...' she snorted as the hairless monkey seemed to be doing a strange ritual of some sorts, well, maybe that's what anypony would think it would be doing. She was pretty sure it was doing it out of spite. She still didn't understand why anyone in their right mind with such advanced technology waste it's potential on such...foul music? The threstral hoped all of his kind weren't so annoying. It wasn't like she might see them anyway, and even though she was a kind, gentle pony, she was really wondering why his parents didn't just leave him on the street somewhere. By all means, he wasn't the biggest dick she'd met before. In fact, he was actually quite nice compared to them. But the thing the really irked her, was that it was doing this on purpose just to get a kick out of it, unlike previous assholes she had met before who weren't even aware of the fact that they were,well, assholes. The music wasn't helping either, or whatever was playing out of that hoof sized box of his. For all she knew, it could be black magic or some shit. She honestly was tempted to smack the thing out of the monkey's hand. She was willing to do pretty much everything at this point, just to get him to stop. It couldn't be that durable, right? It's just a little fancy box. Although, it could survive one of the tallest waterfalls in Equestria, and that wasn't exactly anything to sneeze at. That was a tall plunge, and it barely looked like it got a scratch. To be fair however, they were practically in a steel coffin. With cushions. Very, very filthy cushions. The threstral really didn't know how she got into the steel carriage with the primate, or if it even owned in the first place. It wasn't exactly a unreasonable assumption if she was pretty sure he was stealing. She found it quite easy to believe, actually. Still, she had never seen such... a strange animal. Even those monkeys she read about from books that described and cataloged animals in the rain forests of those countries and what not. She couldn't for the life of her remember what their names were. She really should've taken geography. Alas, too bad the past is the past. However, the human was actually doing quite well in terms of mood, although it was in the suffering of someone else, no matter how menial. He really didn't like the music that much - maybe one or two perhaps, but that was about it. His old friend Phillip would've hated it. It was still funny as all hell though. After all, he couldn't be an unhappy fuck all the time, now could he? At least it wasn't like those road trips he took with his family, but now that he looked back at it he kind of wished he had enjoyed it more. Didn't change the fact his folks and bastard siblings were still snobby imposing fucks, but he digressed. It wasn't so bad back home when he was growing up, he actually had a lot of friends and hell, he almost could have acquired a scholarship if he actually tried. Try. Well, that's a rather foreign word when placed next to the man's name in a sentence. He could have tried to be a four point oh student, if he tried. He could have settled down and had a family having plenty enough to sustain themselves, and then some. He could have tried to be successful in the military, medical school, law school, anything you named he had a mild interest in it, besides cosmetology of course. But he didn't, and now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he didn't. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Well, he would try not to. Honestly, he really didn't know why. School was easy as hell - at least to him - and really, he rather enjoyed participating in it. Most of the time anyway. At least he never failed, he supposed that was good enough. He could have pondered it more, but a sudden wake up call via phone being snatched out his hand and thrown against the dirt road. "Hu- What the fuck are you doing?! Now how am I going to listen to my god damn tunes?" He cursed, glaring at the pony and taking a look at the cracked phone. It's speakers crackled, signaling it's malfunction. "That's what you get for putting me through...whatever that was!" the threstral said angrily, her feminine voice ruining any threatening tone that she could have attempted. The human was fuming, his fists clenched in rage. He was tempted to swing a fist at the pony, but thought better of it. After all, he was pretty sure if he hit her his fist would only be rewarded with pain. Lots of pain. "Well, you could have just asked, you bastard!" He fumbled with his hands, throwing them up in exasperation. He didn't think her face could frown any harder. It did. "I asked you at least ten bucking times, but you were too busy doing your dumb -" she attempted to stand up and fling her hooves around, only to fall on her side to the ground. She quickly dusted her self off and stood on her all fours. "Well, you get the idea!" The human scowled at her response. He hunkered down and dusted off the cracked phone as he picked it off. He blew across the screen of it, fiddling with the power button. Nothing. Not even a hum, or a spark of light, nothing. He sighed, before yelling angrily. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" He threw the phone as hard as he could, the husk crossing over the forest's canopy. He was about to pounce on the pony to beat her face in, but was stopped as he heard something. They both froze, turning their heads to see what direction it came from. When they were clear they just heard local wildlife, they immediately returned into the battle stances, their eyes locked into a staring contest. The human blinked, and opened his eyes to find himself to be lying on the ground with his belly up. The pony tried to slam her front hooves into his chest and his face, her feverish attempts slowly wearing the human down as he tried to keep himself from getting hit in the face. Again. His efforts were for naught however, as made evident by her golden horseshoe hitting him in the jaw. Fortunately, the man, who you may or may not be rooting for, managed to wiggle his feet under the pony and kick her off. He scrambled up, his arms hurting like a bitch. It felt like he had been ran over by a horse. Which may or may not be close to what actually happened. He turned around and lunged at her, tackling her while she recovered, her back facing him. As his body made contact, her legs gave out from the sudden change of weight, practically making her hopeless as the man had her in a headlock. She had never been in such commonly practiced human rituals, as found apparent as she attempted to breathe. "Can't...breathe...!" she struggled to get out, only to find the pressure on her neck suddenly being released as the human scrambled up. She gasped, rolling over to her back as she struggled to consume oxygen. She felt hands around her hooves, causing her to scream and kick. The human's grasp was released as her was kicked in the shin, causing him to let out several 'ows'. "Oh, why hello there! I see you two are having quite the dispute." The threstral turned her head towards the voice, seeing an elderly pony smiling warmly at them. The human nudged the pony to get up with his foot, causing her to bounce up. She smiled nervously as the human scratched the back of his head in a little bit of a confusion. "Uh...herro?" he couldn't help but have his speech slurred a bit, his cheeks having taken even more of a beating. He waved. The human waited for the pony to greet the old pony. "Hu- oh, hello!" the threstral woke out of her stupor as the human pinched her through a gap in her armor. "I see your both quite tired, perhaps I could interest you in staying in my home for the night?" The pair nodded vigorously. The elderly stallion chuckled, letting out a small laugh. "That's the spirit, I suppose." The two followed the stallion, erasing any traces of hostility between them as the thought of a warm bed and dinner cooled the fire between them. The man and the blood sucking bat pony might finally get a break. A small one.
Chapter Four - Common Hospitality Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
HiatusYep. A hiatus. I might return back to this, but for some reason Negative Thought's just kills my creativity. My own damned creation! Either way, I'll continue to write in other ways, and I'll probably be posting a new story that will be planned out better and will keep my interest. This may be disappointing for some, and a relief for others. So if you tend to enjoy my writing style, you might want to keep tabs on my page and see if any new content comes out. Sorry for those that were in for the long haul, but don't worry, some day this asshole's story will be written down. Plenty of kinds of comedic bipedal primate action is to be had, so keep your eyes open. Some day this hiatus will end, but it'll have to wait.
