New Dawn

“Good Morning.” A voice dripping with honey and venom, that's what Jerrod heard. It pierced through his hangover and sleep addled mind and burrowed deep into the most basic parts of his brain. Once there the words grabbed the deepest, oldest parts of his brain by the throat and began to growl as it shook those parts of his brain back and forth. Jerrod's eyes shot open and he whimpered ever so lightly and pulled in on himself as he saw two purple eyes staring at him from the bottom of the bed. A grape was lifted into his field of view and violently crushed between a set of what Jerrod swore were teeth the size of his admittedly shriveled in fear man hood.

“Good...good morning Sunbutt.” Jerrod chuckled a little and swallowed as the glare continued and another grape was obliterated between the most terrifying teeth Jerrod had ever seen on a herbivore. Shifting a little Jerrod tried to get comfortable but froze when he felt a puff of air on his chest. Sweating slightly he lifted the covers with one hand to look underneath. A blue horn tip sat just below his right nipple, leading down to a blue forehead that was attached to a blue face. The chin of the face rested on top of a purple forehead just under a purple horn. Chuckling slightly at the adorableness he let the blanket back down and returned his gaze to Celestia. “This isn't what it looks like?”

Celestia shook her head as she slowly peeled a grape. “Oh really. I could have sworn it looked like you were sleeping with my sister and my student.”

Jerrod gulped. “I would say cuddling at best. No sleeping going on here.” He swallowed a little and wiped some sweat from his brow.

“Really, they look quite content.” Celestia picked up a banana and peeled it roughly causing it to snap in the middle. Jerrod flinched but Celestia paid no head as she took a whiff of the room. “Also smells a lot like alcohol and...” She took another whiff. “Well I think you know exactly what the smell is.”

Jerrod lifted the sheet a little higher and looked down past the two mares lumbering on his chest to his very uncovered self. “Well okay maybe this is-” He flung the sheet up and tore himself from under the two mares and out the door into the hall. “Morning.” He flashed a smile at a maid who turned bright red and screamed as he tore past her. Reaching the end of the hall he turned and tripped over a familiar guard.

“JERROD! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME THE ETERNAL SUN!” Celestia stepped calmly into the hall, the bricks bubbling below her hooves and the wooden door bursting into flames around her. “Come out, come out were ever you are.”

Jerrod looked down at the guard and grabbed him around the waist. “Sorry man, but I want to live and you signed up to protect others.” He jumped back around the corner to face Celestia. “NEVER WILL I GIVE IN!”

The guard glared at Jerrod. “I bucking hate you so much.” With that Jerrod swung him in a circle before releasing him like a discus down the hall and straight at Celestia. Without a moment of pause Jerrod barreled down the hall again, pausing briefly at the end of it to vomit in a fern before taking off down another hall.

Behind him Celestia continued to calmly walk down the hall, a guard suspended in the air beside her. “Jerrod, oh Jerrod.” Her voice was warm and she almost sang as she called for him. “Wherever might you be hiding.” She looked down at a fern as it caught fire. “Did you vomit in my fern?”

From down the hall a pegasus came flying end over end. “IT HAD IT COMING. IT LOOKED AT ME FUNNY.” She smirked and caught the mare, suspending her next to the guard.

“Hey Sun Feather. How's your morning been.” The maid pulled a file out and began filing her hoof.

Sun Feather shrugged. “Nothing abnormal really. Still hate Jerrod with a passion but Luna's been pretty happy since he showed up and he's not as bad as Discord so there's that. How about yours Dusty?”

The mare shrugged noncommittally. “Bit of a chore to clean up after Twilight, Luna and Jerrod's little spree last night but not as bad as Celestia's last cake binge I guess.”

Celestia turned to the ponies suspended beside her. “Would you two please be quiet I am looking for a naked ape and it's hard to hear him over you two.” They both nodded and she smiled as she turned a corner. “Jerr~od, Jerr~od.”

Meanwhile a few halls away Jerrod jumped a griffon ambassador and landed on a food cart. “Sorry sir, running for my life and all. If your free later maybe we can have dinner.” He kicked off the stallion pushing the cart and rocketed away down the hall towards a flight of stairs. “Bugger, how do I-” The cart hit the stairs and pitched forward but before it flipped the front wheels snapped off and it slid on the smooth metal surface straight towards a window. “Bollocks.”

Jerrod covered his face and sailed through the luckily open window straight into a tree. “Well that was lucky.” He tumbled down the branches nimbly and landed on the grass below. Looking around with a smile he took a seat. “Now this is a view. Mmmm look at that one leading the pact, the things I would to him.”

“I know right, my husband is so HOT.” Jerrod stiffened and turned to his side were a pink alicorn lay. She smiled at him. “Morning. You must be Jerrod.” Her hoof reached out and Jerrod bumped it gently.

Smiling weakly he nodded. “Yep, names Jerrod. I don't think I have had the pleasure.”

She giggled, an actual giggle with her hoof over her mouth and everything. “Names Cadence, most call me Candy or at least my friends do.” Jerrod nodded and turned back to the training guards. “So what brings you here Jerrod.”

Jerrod leaned back against the tree eliciting a blush from Cadence as she saw his naked status. “Just a little early morning flight for my life, nothing special.”

Cadence cleared her throat and pointed to his member. “Could you put that away. I don't mind seeing it but it's just not very kosher to leave it hanging out like that.”

“Huh?” Jerrod looked down and laughed. “It don't hide. It's always free and loose until I put on some pants.” He crossed his legs to cover it. “So what are you doing out here Lovebutt?”

“Lovebutt?” Cadence tilted her head.

“That's adorable, I swear you ponies are just, do you even realize how adorable the things you do are sometimes. I digress, yes Lovebutt, you have a heart on yer ass and all so I thought it appropriate.”

“Oh, you mean my cutie mark. I get it. To answer your question am I here to watch Shining Armor, my husband, exercise.” Cadence looked over at Shining again with a hungry smile. “Sadly though he has a while to go. So why were you running for your life?”

Jerrod bit his lip. “Well, I may have slept with Sunbutt's sister and student.” He chuckled dryly. “I beat Celestia to her student I think is the biggy there, or  I didn't invite her I can't be sure.”

Suddenly Jerrod's world inverted. “You slept with Twilight?!”

Jerrod frowned. “Please don't tell me your her sister or something. She's a grown mare and can make her own choices, even if she was drunk. In my defense I was drunk to, so was Luna.”

Cadence glared at him as she yelled out to the field. “OH SHINING. I HAVE SOMEONE YOU MIGHT LIKE TO MEET!”

The large white stallion Jerrod had been ogling trotted over. “Who is it dear?”

Cadence jiggled Jerrod causing him to burp and cover his mouth for a second. “Just a stallion who took advantage of your innocent little sister.”

Jerrod looked at Shining terrified for a moment before he burst into laughter. “Innocent, oh dear you two are dense. The things she did with Luna, yea she ain't as innocent as she lets on.” He clutched his sides laughing for a moment before it died and he shifted to clutching his head and moaning.

Shining closed his eyes and shook his head, then repeated it like he was trying to shake a thought out. “Nope, nope, nope.”

Meanwhile Cadence's eyes had gown cloudy and she was chuckling lewdly as some spittle dripped from the corner of her mouth. “Luna, Twilight, hehe.”

Shining came to first. “You slept with my sister?” His voice was more concerned than anything. “You slept with Twily.” Jerrod nodded slowly as he reached out and wiped some drool from Cadence's mouth. Moving towards his own mouth with the drool before Shining slapped his hand away. “No, bad...whatever you are. You slept with my sister?”

Jerrod waved his hand and blew on it. “We were drunk, it just kinda happened, I think. I don't really remember.”

Shining opened and closed his mouth a few times before reaching over and poking Cadence. “Dear, I think we can let him go. Nothing we can do to him is worse than what Twily can dream up. Honestly, I think I might want to call in a protection detail for you.”

Jerrod starred at Shining with an open mouth. “Your kidding right?” Shining shook his head. “Well, I am flattered for the offer but I think I want two. One for Starbutt and one for Sunbutt, make that three. One more for Moonbutt.”

Shining chuckled to himself. “Sorry, your on your own. None of the guards are trained to defend against those kinds of threats. You seem capable enough though, good luck.” Shining continued to chuckle as he turned to watch the guards train, screaming out the occasional order.

Cadence shook herself causing Jerrod to jerk around. “No bad brain, even if Twily has grown into a very sexy mare and Luna is, mmmmm, no bad, Twilight is off limits and Luna is...well Luna is Luna.” Cadence looked at Jerrod with a lopsided smile. “Though she might be a little less scary now, a good stallion does wonders on a mare's stress.” Cadence shook Jerrod some more and scowled a little at Jerrod.. “That doesn't explain Celestia chasing you though.”

Jerrod tapped Cadence on the muzzle. “Could you turn me like eighty degrees to the left?” Cadence lifted an eyebrow and complied, turning him to face the bushes. He gave her the thumbs up as he burped a little and then opened his mouth. The next moment was filled with a horrible stench and a sizzling sound as an angry goddess burst from the bushes right into the oncoming stream. Her flames died instantly and the two ponies she held in her magical grasp fell unceremoniously onto the ground as she screamed.

~ ~ ~

“Ssssuuuuunnnnnbbbbuuuuttttt, pppppllllllleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeee. I'm getting a head rush.” Jerrod sulked on the ceiling of Celestia's private chambers while she cleansed herself of Jerrod's ill timed upchuck.

The door to her private bathroom opened and a cloud of steam billowed out. Celestia swam into view in the steam, a towel wrapped around her head and tail. “No. Do you have any idea how much that smelled?”

Jerrod crossed his arms and pouted. “Yes but that's no reason to stick my naked ass to the ceiling.” As he finished speaking the door opened and a maid walked in carrying a pair of pants. She smiled and passed them up to Jerrod who nodded his thanks as his stood up on the ceiling to put them on. “Well this solves one issue but there's still the head rush issue.” Celestia's horn lit up and Jerrod lowered about halfway to the floor when suddenly gravity reasserted itself and he slammed to floor in a heap. “Ow.” He righted himself and sat cross legged. “Thank you. Did you really have to stick me to the ceiling for sleeping with you sister and student?” He paused for a moment before he noticed Celestia's glare. “And puking on you.” He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out while her back was turned.

Celestia's horn lit up again and a for a moment nothing happened. Slowly Jerrod began to lift and he grabbed at the carpet pulling it towards the ceiling with him. “This isn't about what you did with my sister and Twilight. This is about the three hundred billion bits worth of alcohol you consumed last night. Then there’s the issue of my cake vault. The combination to the lock seems to have changed.”

Jerrod hugged the carpet tight and tried to jump back to the floor. He rose up a good few feet and fell back to the ceiling with a pout. “Who even has a cake vault? It's not like cake is that great anyway, makes people give you name like Sunbutt.” He sat down on the ceiling and laid back, crossing a leg over his bent knee with his hands behind his head. “Did we seriously drink that much last night, it's all a little fuzzy.”

Celestia nodded. “Do you know how much a thousand year old bottle of moonshine is worth. Those bottles haven't been made since before my sister's banishment and you three drank the last seven bottles in existence.” Celestia turned to Jerrod. “The last...seven bottles...in existence.”

Jerrod stared at her open mouthed and stood to follow her out the door. Pausing at the wall above the door confused before treating it like a short fence and flipping himself over it, catching Celestia's crown with his foot as he swung. “I'm sorry, I didn't know. I was just drinking what ever Twilight and Luna gave me.” He put the crown on his head and walked with his hands behind his back. “Are you sure your not pissed about me and Twilight sharing the bed as it where.”

Celestia nodded at a passing guard and he trotted off down the hall for some unknown task he had just been given. “Yes, she is a grown mare. She can make her own choices.” A noble ran muzzle first into a vase stand as they rounded another corner. The vase wobbled dangerously on its stand before Celestia caught it, steadying it and the stand before releasing it again. “Looks like Blue Blood is back.” She waved and the white stallion who had crashed into the vase stand waved back slowly, his eyes never leaving Jerrod who smiled at him warmly. “Blue Blood this Jerrod.”

Jerrod offered a half bow. “It's a pleasure to meet you, your eminence. Might I add you look stunning today, perhaps we can catch a meal together later.” Jerrod winked. “And maybe a little more.”

As much as was possible, Blue Blood turned whiter and back pedaled away. “What...what are you insinuating you base creature?”

Jerrod laughed. “That we get hot and dirty together, that we make the beast with two back, that we explore new species together, that we attempt to create a new breed together, that we dance the vertical tango, that we give each other anatomy lessons.” He smiled down at Blue Blood lustfully and mischievously. “Maybe even teach you what kind of tricks...” He whipped his hands out and wiggled his fingers, “these babies can do.”

Blue Blood stood up and stomped towards Jerrod. He pointed his hoof up at him like he was trying to poke him in the chest. “Why I never. You are the most crude beast I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Please, leave my company at once. I do not appreciate such crude insinuations.”

Jerrod laughed loudly and Celestia tried to hide her giggles as Blue Blood stomped off muttering to himself. “Well that was entertaining Jerrod. I am late for court so if you don't mind.” Jerrod lowered to the floor gently and Celestia smiled as she turned and left. She paused and put a hoof on her head. “Jerrod.” Jerrod smiled weakly and through her crown to her. “Thank you.”

“Well that was nice of her.” Jerrod turned around and had half a second to groan before the vase Celestia had just saved hit him. “Really, she just saved-” The world went dark after a brief moment of pain exploded across his face.

~ ~ ~

Jerrod's eyes fluttered open with a groan and brought a hand to his face. “Mother of Tartarus, what was that?” Looking around he spotted a familiar white stallion reading a paper and eating a bowl of cereal. “Did you have something to do with that Shieldbutt?”

Shining Armor shrugged. “Naw, my wife wanted to talk to you and sent Sun Feather to find you.” He took a bite of cereal and chewed it slowly and thoughtfully. “I don't know what you did to him but he really doesn't like you.”

Jerrod tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I can think of a few reasons here and there.” Jerrod leaned the chair back on two legs and rubbed the side of his head. “So what are you up to Shieldbutt. You seem awfully nonchalant about me and your sister's little adventure last night.”

Shining shrugged and turned the page on the newspaper. “She can take care of herself. Like I said before, I am more worried about what she might do to you.”

Jerrod laughed and reached across the table to grab an apple. “Worried about me, really. How kind of you but sadly I don't go for the married ones.” He opened his mouth and let out a puff of air over the apple before rubbing it on his shirt and taking a bite. Chewing thoughtfully he stared over at the stallion for a moment. “You seem rather unfazed by me, everyone does really. Any idea why?”

Shining put his spoon down and his brow furrowed. “Hmm, not sure really. I would guess it has to do with the company you have been keeping, or at least that has a part in it. For me personally, I was the commander of the guard of two immortal princesses. I was there trying to keep order during Discord's first release. I am married to an alicorn who rules a nation of living crystal. I guess you could say I am a little desensitized to it all. Oh and my sister is Twilight Sparkle the only mare known to have ascended in the last thousand years give or take. I think Cadence ascended sometime in the last thousand years but she's real secretive about it.”

Jerrod chewed his bite of apple for a moment while he absorbed the information. “So basically, there’s not much that can throw you off anymore?” Shining nodded and returned to his breakfast. “What about your wife?”

Shining chuckled. “Cadence, I wouldn't want to know what phases her.” Jerrod tilted his head and Shining sighed. “During our wedding she was locked in the crystal caverns under Canterlot for two months. The changeling queen tried to drive her mad so she could learn about her and emulate her better so she would draw less suspicion. Long story short, the current therapist says she's doing a lot better and I agree. She hasn't had any weird episodes in a good month or so. Well excluding her little happy dance after you showed up.”

Jerrod put his apple down slowly and carefully stood up as quiet as he could. “Ya know what, I think I left the toaster on in my room. I think I might need go check that.” He turned around and froze. A smiling pink alicorn waved at him and pointed back to his chair. He smiled innocently and gently sat back in his chair and turned to Shining. “Please help me.”

Shining chuckled and rolled up his paper and grabbed his bowl. “Your on your own bud. You made your bed you can wet it on your own.”

Jerrod gulped. “Don't you mean lie in it.”

Shining chuckled. “Only if you want to be a helpless target.” With that he trotted out of the room, pausing to kiss his wife on the cheek and whisper to her. “Go easy on the poor guy dear.”

Cadence nodded and returned the kiss. “No promises dear.” Shining shook his head and left and Cadence's full attention turned to Jerrod. “So you slept with Twilight and Luna together?” Jerrod nodded. “So which do prefer?”

“What?” Jerrod shook his head startled. “Prefer?”

Cadence trotted around the table and sat down, folding her hooves under her chin. “Which one do you want? Do you want Luna or my little Twilight?”

Jerrod shifted uncomfortably. “I feel like there's no right answer here.” Cadence smiled innocently and chuckled a little, Jerrod gulped. “Neither?”

The table cracked under Cadence and Jerrod flinched back in time to save his legs from the breaking table. “Neither you say. Well that's interesting. You don't love Twilight and you slept with her?”

Jerrod pulled his legs up and hugged them. “I can't have Twilight. A very powerful, very unpredictable being who isn't overly fond of me has claim to her.”

Suddenly the room grew warm and inviting. The table mended, a new bowl of fruit was placed out and a glass of orange juice was placed in front of Jerrod. “Go on.” Cadence's voice was giddy and she seemed to hop up and down in her seat.

Jerrod stared at her slack jawed, his brain rewinding the last few minutes over and over until a piece of fruit smacked into forehead. “Huh, what?” He looked at Cadence who twirled her hoof at him. “Oh yes, um, Temperamental ponies laying claim.” Cadence nodded. “Well she might kill me for this but umm, Sunbutt kinda wants the Starbutt.”

“I KNEW IT!” Cadence pumped her hoof. “Shining owes me fifty bits and Velvet owes me eighty.” Jerrod slowly took a sip of his orange juice and watched as Cadence began muttering to herself. After a brief moment she paused and looked at Jerrod. “Do you think Twilight wants her too?”

Jerrod broke into a wide grin and laughed hard for a moment. “You have no idea.”

“Really now.” Cadence leaned forward and took a bite of an apple. “How do you know what Twilight wants?”

Jerrod puffed out his chest and wiggled a little with a cocky grin on his face. “She's very honest when's she drunk and cumming.” Cadence blushed ever so slightly and motioned for Jerrod to continue. “What, that's all. When she got to screaming last night, Sunbutt came up a lot. I think it might have hurt Moonbutt a little bit but she got her revenge last. I don't think I have ever seen a tongue move like that, well not since the dragon lands at least.” Jerrod wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Cadence giggled and her wings fluffed a little. “Well then, I guess I have my work cut out for me. That doesn't explain Luna though. Luna could use a good coltfriend, or whatever it is you are.”

Jerrod shrugged. “I have my reason for not pursuing a relationship right now. I have nothing more to say on that matter.”

Cadence huffed threw her nostrils and put on a pouty face. “But I could feel how much you like her last night so why wouldn't you want pursue her?”

Jerrod looked at Cadence from the corner of his eyes. “You felt it?”

Cadence pointed to her flank. “Princess of Love, I can feel love or sense it. I also see it better than most. Not like I see a physical manifestation of it just, the signs are clearer to me. I know I felt a lot of strong emotions for both of them last night so whats stopping you?”

Jerrod rubbed his temples. “Seriously, a pony who can sense love. You sound like that deer I slept with once. Who wants to be that involved in everyone’s love life, jeez”

Cadence giggled. “I don't want to be I just am. Sort of like Luna is considered a deity of fertility because of her promiscuous lifestyle back when she was younger. Celestia is seen as a matriarch and goddess of life but fertility comes from the moon as it were.” Cadence smiled and leaned towards Jerrod. “It's said Luna can even grant inter-species couples children if she wants.”

Jerrod chocked on his apple and slammed his chest with a fist. “WHAT?”

Cadence fell backwards laughing. “Sorry, that was a poor joke. I will stop pestering you for information. I just find it strange that you have such strong feelings for them but no desire to act on them.”

“I barely know them.” Jerrod glowered at Cadence. “I like Luna sure, she seems nice and she's smart and all that other cool stuff but no. It wouldn't be kind to her to do that. I don't love her and I am not gonna let myself love her. It's simple as that. Don't say I already do, I know love and this ain't it, this is the hots. I am leaving for Ponyville as soon as I can to avoid this very situation, end of discussion.”

Cadence shrugged. “Your the one who said love not me.”

Jerrod face palmed. “I hate people like you. You lead people in a direction and then turn it against them. Your right I feel for Luna, I can relate to her so yea take your emotion crap somewhere else please.”

Cadence laughed. “I'm sorry, I can't help it. Celestia taught me how to deal with nobles and I found it works really well when dealing with love. Honestly I didn't feel a lot from you guys last night. There was definitely a connection there but yea, not like that.” Cadence shook her head. “You got pretty defensive about it though, is there a story behind that?”

Jerrod chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “Is there a story behind it. I have been traveling for twenty years, of course there’s a story behind it. There's more than one story behind it.” Jerrod sighed. “It was nice to meet you Cadence. If you need help locking Celestia and Twilight in a room together or setting them up don't hesitate to ask.”

Cadence smiled. “Me and Shining got that covered. You go to Ponyville, maybe deal with a few of your issues. Don't be afraid to let Luna in. She's been through a lot and I bet she might be able to offer some insight, Celestia too.”

Jerrod waved at her as he left the room grumbling to himself and Cadence called out to Shining, asking him to grab some quill and parchment. The last thing Jerrod heard was something about PLANNING TIME and then he rounded a corner and broke into a jog, looking for a certain purple alicorn to ask about a place to stay in Ponyville.