My Little Pony: Text Adventures Are Magic OR Zork Pony

by Meandering Road

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare, Nightmare Moon, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 3881

The world of ponies meets the world of parsers- experience friendship as an Infocom game!

Many of us older ponyfans will remember or at least know about the old text-based adventure games- games that were sometimes a contest with mysterious requirements, sometimes a contest with an obstinate text parser, and sometimes a contest to keep from falling out of your chair laughing. Brought to us most famously by Infocom, these include the Zork series, as well as a few based off of other things (including even The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).

In the time since, many fandoms have had fics written as though they were these games- several for the aged Ranma 1/2 fanfiction community, and more recently the renowned You Awaken On Razor Hill (warning: not for the more temerous bronies among us, or those that are not fond of Warcraft).

So... someone ought to do it. And so if I know someone's got to do it, why leave it on another pony's withers?

Ergo: My Little Pony: Text Adventures are Magic

OR

Zork Pony

Published 2012-04-10 03:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-10 03:04:02 UTC

The Instruction Manual

The box is simple- six pony faces. Six well-known pony faces. No text, just a simple blue box. Inside, a couple of floppy disks (newfangled kids and your consarn laser media) and an instruction booklet.

You might want to ignore the booklet. It's what people do these days. After all, why read the darn thing when you can just go online and bug someone or read a walkthrough? Yeah, instruction booklets are for people who don't know how to play games.

....then again, WWTSD?

....she'd read the book. Sure she sometimes gets carried away, but you know Twilight Sparkle would -never- skip the instruction manual unless there was a serious need for time. And what have you got better to do? Clop?

Don't answer that.

So, with an only-slightly-begrudging sigh, you hand the floppy disks off to a pink hoof, which trades you a shiny new CD to go in your DVD/CD drive (and a cupcake for the road), and flip open the booklet.

A fistful of crumbs immediately descends into the booklet, but you hardly mind. Mmmmm, vanilla-frosted apple crumble. Not much to beat that.

Well, there's not much in here.

The first two pages are consumed entirely by friendly green block letters.

'DON'T PANIC'

This seems like sound advice, you think to yourself, chewing on another mouthful of delicious cupcake. You read on.

'Welcome to My Little Pony: Text-based Adventures are Magic.

This game operates entirely in text. Please be aware that you need a keyboard for this game, and a mouse will do you no good, so just give it a bite of cheese and set it free, alright? Seriously, do that, I've got this pegasus hovering over my shoulder and....

Well, anyways.

You take the role of Twilight Sparkle, brilliant (but friendless) student of Princess Celestia of Equestria. It is your job to make your way through the trials and tribulations of her journey to uncover the solution to a problem she has only just discovered-

The Mare in the Moon.

If you wish to access the menu, simply type 'menu' and hit enter. In fact, this being a text-based game, this is how you do everything- type it in.

We hereby absolve ourselves of responsibility for the occasionally smarmy and smartassed parser.'

That gives you a bit of pause. This crumb-filled booklet (that was a really nice cupcake and you briefly consider dumping the crumbs from the booklet into your mouth. Then you do it. What the hay, you're at home and nopony's watching you.) makes it sound like the game is actually thinking.

"What a riot, right?"

You agree and continue reading.

'Remember, this is a text-based game- so even the smallest decision you could make (or not make as the case may be) could lead you to a bad end! Save early, and save often! Save in separate slots too- or else you'll be unable to go back and fix your save.

At such time as you lose or reach the end of the episode, you will be given a score- the higher the better! Higher scores will give you a benefit...... what benefit? Well, that would be telling, wouldn't it? After all, you're here for the adventure.

Good luck!

-The Team'

Well, that wasn't too bad at all.

Picking up the CD and placing it in the drive, you gently press, and your computer opens a text-only window.

.....wait, who gave you that CD.......?

....and that..... cupcake?

Mare in the Moon (Part One)

My Little Pony: Text Adventures are Magic

A Text Game by Wanderlost Studio

Loading Game...... done.

Loading Setting....... done.

Loading Friendship......................................................................................................done.

Loading Magic.........................................................................done.

Loading Parser.......................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................................done.

Loading Pinkie Pie.................................................... Error: Unable to load Pinkie Pie.
Insufficient RAM.

Please consult local fourth wall masons.

MENU:

Start: Begin a new game.

Load: Load a saved game.

Score: Top Ten Scores.

Quit: Leave the Game. But why would you want to do that, it's fun in here!

Start

Twistwillow Park

It is a sunny, warm day in Canterlot. A perfect day for going outside. To read. Because that's what you do with wonderful weather in a park just outside of the Royal Canterlot Castle. In fact, you've got a book with you. It's a research book, because that's the best kind of reading. Research.

The book is old and leather-bound, with parchment pages and somewhat whimsical illustrations.

Which are pretty, but they aren't research.

There is a tree here.
Twistwillow Pond is here.

Look

You are in Twistwillow Park, which is just to the North of the walls of the Royal Canterlot Castle proper. The grass here is green and lush, enough to make you want to eat it and see if it's as tastly as it looks. You are beside an orchid-laden tree in the midst of the park, between it and a cobblestone path that leads back to the castle itself and out into Upper Canterlot. The weather is beautiful and mostly clear, with just enough fluffy clouds to decorate the sky. In front of your hooves is a large, old book, which you have been researching.

hooves?

I'm sorry, I dont recognise that command.

why do I have hooves?

You ask Equestria why you have hooves. Equestria, not having sentience, doesn't answer you. You suspect that it might be a good idea to address your question to somepony.

somepony, why do I have hooves?

There is nopony here to ask.

A small bird flies by.

parser, what am I?

You are a unicorn, Equus Sapiens Thaumatica Monoclonius, to be specific. This is a kind of pony known for having a single horn on its forehead, which is used as a conductor for magical energies to effect spells and other magical activities. In slightly more detail, you are a female unicorn pony, post-adolescent enough to be considered an adult, or nearly so.

parser, who am I?

Now that's a champion question! You suspect that philosophical matters like these ought to be the forte of somewhat less practical unicorns than yourself. After all, your specialty is the study of magic- while you have studied other topics, the more esoteric ones aren't really your particular interest. They have their uses, of course, but you are more of a concrete pony, and you like speaking about things you can put your hoof- or your magic- on and manipulate. It's theorized, of course, that we all are only dreaming and aren't actually who we think we are- but then, it is also possible that we do not actually exist and are merely figments of the imagination of some other being. This, of course, brings up interesting questions about free will, the nature thereof, and whether anyone actually has any or not, but that's for another time. Frankly, you long ago gave up deciding what to do about purely theoretical pursuits such as philosophy and returned your devotion to the study of magic and other things that can be made sense of. It is enough for you that you perceive yourself to have free will, and you will continue exercising it (or the illusion thereof) in whatever fashion you believe you see fit to for as long as you continue to (seem to) exist.

This is silly! That wasn't a philosophical question, she wanted to know things like her name and other stuff!

Nonsense, philosophical questions are perfectly valid.

parser, Pinkie is right.

Oh.

How plebian.

Fine then, you simpleton. You are Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn of deep study and intellect. You are a pleasant shade of lavender, although that is only your coat- your mane and tail are mostly a deep, midnight purple, both bearing a single stripe of truer purple and a single stripe of candyfloss-pink alongside it. Your mane and tail are cut to perfectly even precision and neatly groomed- but not heavily. You aren't a mare with a big focus on fashion or appearance, after all- you just want to stay clean and neat when you can. You are the favorite student of Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, and she has continued tutoring you long past your graduation from her School for Gifted Unicorns. Of course, this tutoring is mostly in name- while she is teaching you now and again, she is the princess and does have to manage a whole country. Fortunately, you have books to occupy yourself with- and love to study. You certainly don't have time to spend talking to all those social ponies out there. There's magic to learn.

You have obtained No Friends.
You have obtained Near-Compulsive Obsession with Studying.
You have obtained Dorkiness.
You have obtained Psychotic Focus on Responsibilities.
You have obtained Disdain for Socializing.

parser, what am I carrying?

How should I know? I'm not the one holding it. You should probably look in your inventory.

look in my inventory

Well, that's a nice inventory you've got there. Very pleasingly arranged.

look inventory

You look at your inventory.

Yep, that's an inventory all right.

inventory

You are wearing:
Left Saddlebag
Tidy Mane
Tidy Tail
Twilight Sparkle's Unicorn Horn

You have:
No Friends.
Near-Compulsive Obsession with Studying.
Dorkiness.
Psychotic Focus on Responsibilities.
Disdain for Socializing.
Note to Self.
Pink Cupcake.
Mild Concern.
Faith in Celestia.
Lack of Loneliness (seriously).

read

Why would I want to do that? As for you, isn't that what you're doing right now in order to play this game? You're a silly pony.

read note

You pull the note out of your saddlebag and read it.

'Equestrian Legends- Mare in the Moon. Story familiar. Relevance? Unknown.
Send Spike for more quills tomorrow.
Remember to eat lunch.
No, really, remember to eat lunch.'

That seems to be all of it, aside from a half-illegible recipe for something called a 'Gynnan Tonix' on the back.

Look book

This is an old leather-bound book sitting on the (thankfully not very wet) grass in front of your hooves. The cover has a golden alicorn head in the center of it. Though no name is inscribed, you know this to be the book 'Equestrian Legends', which you brought with you to read and study on this fine, wonderful day.

It is a pretty nice day out. Best thing you could do on it is read a book. And research. You know, instead of considering metaphysical quandaries or looking yourself up and down while standing in the middle of a park. Hint, hint.

Read book

This is going to take a while. Are you sure you want to read the whole thing?

Yes

Alright then. You begin reading the book.

A couple of hours later, you finally reach the story you were intending to research. However, it is already dinnertime. You proceed home and later that night, Princess Celestia disappears and Equestria is cast into eternal darkness. As her favored student, you would perhaps have been expected to lead some resistance to the strange dark mare calling herself Nightmare Moon, but Canterlot Castle was the third place she showed up, and she proceeded to have you imprisoned.

GAME OVER

Score: 10

Enjoyed Nice Weather (+10)

Rating: Foalish Student.

Were you really even trying?

MENU:

Start: Begin a new game.

Load: Load a saved game.

Score: Top Ten Scores.

Quit: Leave the Game. But why would you want to do that, it's fun in here!

Start

Twistwillow Park

It is a sunny, warm day in Canterlot. A perfect day for going outside. To read. Because that's what you do with wonderful weather in a park just outside of the Royal Canterlot Castle. In fact, you've got a book with you. It's a research book, because that's the best kind of reading. Research.

The book is old and leather-bound, with parchment pages and somewhat whimsical illustrations.

Which are pretty, but they aren't research.

There is a tree here.
Behind you, to the North, is a lake.

inventory

You are wearing:
Left Saddlebag
Tidy Mane
Tidy Tail
Twilight Sparkle's Unicorn Horn

You have:
No Friends.
Near-Compulsive Obsession with Studying.
Dorkiness.
Psychotic Focus on Responsibilities.
Disdain for Socializing.
Note to Self.
Pink Cupcake.
Mild Concern.
Faith in Celestia.
Lack of Loneliness (seriously).

You're not sure where you got all this stuff, but you're pretty sure at least some of it isn't true. You aren't psychotic, you just haven't ever been tardy.

For anything.

EVER.

-cough-

read Equestrian Legends

This is going to take a while. Are you sure you want to read the whole thing?

Read The Mare in the Moon

This is an old legend of Equestria, dating back more than a few generations. According to this story-

Oh come on, this is boring! If somepony's playing the game they must have heard this already, right?

Now, look, we've got to follow some sort of standard of pattern here! Don't you come in her telling me not to do my job, I was programmed into this game for a reason!

Well, but.... you're going to summarize it, right?

What kind of idiot do I look like? Of course I'm going to summarize it. Now are you done interrupting?

Well, alright....

Where was I.... right.

Supposedly, a long time ago, there was a pair of alicorn sisters. One older, one younger. The older was responsible for maintaining the sun in the sky- and the other for the moon. Of course, ponies being diurnal (mostly), the younger sister grew jealous of how the ponies enjoyed the day and slept through her night. Feeling underappreciated, neglected, and kept down by the Pony, she rose up in arms, refusing to lower the moon to make way for the day. The elder sister found she had only one recourse- imprisoning her darker sibling in the moon. WIth the aid of the magical artifacts, the Elements of Harmony, she was able to do so, and there has been peace since then.

It's an old story, and frankly would be a lot less believable if, say, you hadn't been turning the pages of this book with pinkish-purple magical energy projected by the bone spike protruding from the brow of your own head.

It also reminds you of something you read elsewhere in the Library of Canterlot, where you have been working as both researcher and librarian since reaching your adolescence. But you're not sure what. It does make you worry, though.

You have obtained: Vague but Pressing Concern.

Save Game

Which slot would you like to save to, slot 1, slot 2, or slot 3?

slot 1

Game Saved.

Look

You are in Twistwillow Park, which is just to the North of the walls of the Royal Canterlot Castle proper. The grass here is green and lush, enough to make you want to eat it and see if it's as tastly as it looks. You are beside an orchid-laden tree in the midst of the park, between it and a cobblestone path that leads back to the castle itself and out into Upper Canterlot. The weather is beautiful and mostly clear, with just enough fluffy clouds to decorate the sky. In front of your hooves is a large, old book, which you have been researching.

There is a book here.

There is a tree here.

There is a Lake North of here.

West of here is Upper Canterlot.

East of here is Canterlot Castle.

South of here is more of Twistwillow Park.

go library

You cheer for the library. Somepony would stare at you if they were here. And if you weren't Twilight Sparkle. You've cheered for the library before.

In fact, you get a faint sense of thankfulness from somewhere as you finish cheering.

go to the library

There is no library here.

where is the library

The Ponyville Library is in Ponyville. Duh.

Where is Canterlot Library

In Canterlot Castle. Duh. You're not so sure you're Twilight Sparkle anymore. I mean really, not knowing where the library is...

go castle

You cheer for the castle. This doesn't accomplish much. Your sense of urgency grows. You should stop wasting time.

But it's fun! Go Castle, go castle! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

go East

You head to the East.

Western Approach to Canterlot Castle

This is a cobblestone road with a few fancy buildings beside it. It leads between Twistwillow Park and Canterlot Castle.

It suddenly occurs to you that you left the book, which is property of Canterlot Library, in the park.

You turn and head back to retrieve it.

Twistwillow Park

It is a sunny, warm day in Canterlot. A perfect day for going outside. To read. Because that's what you do with wonderful weather in a park just outside of the Royal Canterlot Castle. In fact, you've got a book with you. It's a research book, because that's the best kind of reading. Research.

The book is old and leather-bound, with parchment pages and somewhat whimsical illustrations.

Which are pretty, but they aren't research.

There is a tree here.
Behind you, to the North, is a lake.

go East

You head to the East.

Western Approach to Canterlot Castle

This is a cobblestone road with a few fancy buildings beside it. It leads between Twistwillow Park and Canterlot Castle.

It suddenly occurs to you that you left the book, which is property of Canterlot Library, in the park.

You turn and head back to retrieve it.

Twistwillow Park

It is a sunny, warm day in Canterlot. A perfect day for going outside. To read. Because that's what you do with wonderful weather in a park just outside of the Royal Canterlot Castle. In fact, you've got a book with you. It's a research book, because that's the best kind of reading. Research.

The book is old and leather-bound, with parchment pages and somewhat whimsical illustrations.

Which are pretty, but they aren't research.

There is a tree here.
Behind you, to the North, is a lake.

Your sense of urgency is becoming rather intense, kind of like needing to use the little fillies' room, only more intense, and kind of backwards. And relating to knowledge rather than excretion. But yeah. You really really need to go see what you can find in the library.

You also have a growing sense of deja vu.

go East

You head to the East.

Western Approach to Canterlot Castle

This is a cobblestone road with a few fancy buildings beside it. It leads between Twistwillow Park and Canterlot Castle.

It suddenly occurs to you that you left the book, which is property of Canterlot Library, in the park.

You turn and head back to retrieve it.

Twistwillow Park

It is a sunny, warm day in Canterlot. A perfect day for going outside. To read. Because that's what you do with wonderful weather in a park just outside of the Royal Canterlot Castle. In fact, you've got a book with you. It's a research book, because that's the best kind of reading. Research.

The book is old and leather-bound, with parchment pages and somewhat whimsical illustrations.

Which are pretty, but they aren't research.

There is a tree here.
Behind you, to the North, is a lake.

Your sense of deja vu is pretty intense. Didn't you come back here for a reason?

do I have to?

I don't understand.

Take book

You levitate the library book with your magic.

go East

You head to the East.

Western Approach to Canterlot Castle

This is a cobblestone road with a few fancy buildings beside it. It leads between Twistwillow Park and Canterlot Castle.

There are three unicorns here. They're all looking at you a little funny, probably because you just ran back and forth a few times. Also, you're wearing an empty saddlebag and hovering a book over your shoulder.

put book in bag

You feel a little better when you put the book in the bag. Holding things with magic isn't as inconvenient as using your mouth or hooves, and it doesn't exert a direct physical strain- but it does produce a bit of stress to do, so it's probably for the better.

The three unicorns are no longer looking at you funny. They are, instead, smiling.

They are also occupying the path.

"There you are, Twilight!" Says the pony in the middle.

look ponies

These three ponies are unicorn ponies. They're from your class in the School for Gifted Unicorns, and they've been trying off and on since your second year in the school to get you to socialize with them. You never really saw the point, going to parties never taught anyone any magic. At least these three were always good-natured about it and while you don't really like the idea of being distracted yet again, they have always been genuine and not purposely hurtful.

On the left is Colgate, a minty-blue unicorn with a two-tone straight mane and tail and the strangely common hourglass cutie mark. On the right is Butter Brickle, a yellow-coated unicorn with abundantly curly sky-blue mane and tail and a cutie mark composed of three hearts- two blue and one green. In the center is the leader of their small group, Trinary, a white unicorn with a pink curly mane and tail. Her cutie mark is a trio of pale blue stars.

You notice that all three of them are carrying gifts on their backs.

Trinary speaks up again. "Moon Dancer is having a little get-together in the West castle courtyard. Y'wanna come?"

She sounds eager, and her friends nod along, leaning towards you a bit. Clearly they'll hoping you'll accept the invitation.

You're feeling really urgent right now, though, and really what you want is to go follow this niggling sense of insistency.

Besides, you have no idea what you'd do at a party anyways.

Save Game Slot 2

Game Saved

Sorry I'm busy.

Why are you apologizing to me for?

Trinary, Sorry, I'm busy.

Trinary's smile droops a little, but Butter Brickle pitches in. "Doing what?"

Butter Brickle, Research.

You grin uncomfortably (and insincerely, which is part of why you're not comfortable with it) as you excuse yourself, darting past the three ponies. They turn to watch you.

Go East

You begin galloping as you head East, your sense of urgency increasing.

A Bridge

This is a simple stone bridge heading East and West. It crosses a small river, one of many that run through the area around Canterlot Castle.

There are two ponies here- one you recognize as Lyra, a teal-and-white unicorn pony who was in your Magic Grade School until she gained her cutie mark for her musical talent. The purple unicorn with her you don't recognize. She has a giftbox with her, carrying it by a string with her mouth.

Lyra waves at you.

Go East

Lyra looks startled and maybe a bit hurt that you didn't wave back.

You gallop on Eastwards.

Terraced Stairs

This fanciful set of stairs leads to the Canterlot Library, where you've lived for some time now. The stairs are made of polished white marble, and the flights are regularly interrupted by large round platforms.

The stairs lead up to the library, or back down to the bridge.

Up

That was a pretty fun movie, wasn't it? I liked Dug. He was such a cute dog.

Go Up

Oh. What, you don't even have time to reminisce?

Go Up

Confound you, pony.