From the Flames of a Phoenix

Smack.

        I pulled myself off the floor where I landed face first and sat on the bed.

        “Argh- fuck that hurt.”

        I rubbed my face with my hands and groaned. I sat in silence for a few moments until I walked to a window and peeked outside. The sun was barely over the horizon and the slice of Canterlot outside my window had a few ponies wandering about.

        I breathed in the fresh morning air. But along with that air came the unwashed stench of sweat. Damn, I have to shower.

        I walked away from the window and made my way into the bathroom. I guess you could say it was like bathrooms on Earth. You know, except for the fact that I would have to crouch down to use the sink, the shower was more the size of a hot tub than a regular tub, and don’t even get me started on the toilet.

        I fiddled with the knobs at the shower. Water streamed out of the shower head, which was conveniently located at neck height. I tried adjusting the nozzle, but had no luck in getting it to adjust. Damnit.

        One good thing about the shower is that there was a constant supply of warm water, so while I did have to bend down to wash myself, at least I wasn’t freezing my ass off doing so.

        The shower lacked soap, but it did have plenty of the shampoo equivalent. I’m not sure what I was expecting considering ponies are covered in fur, but come on! Regardless, I washed myself and dried myself off with a towel.

        Wait… Fuck I forget to look into getting new clothes. I sighed and resided in wearing the same exact outfit. ACU pants and an undershirt.

        Might as well go talk to Celestia to see about getting some clothes.

        I left my room and made my way to the throne room. Pretty much every pony I passed by stopped what they were doing and just started at me. However, the guards posted around the castle did not seem to pay any more attention to me than anyone else. Must’ve been briefed already.

        When I arrived, no guards were posted inside, but two sat outside. One of them lifted a hoof to block my path, but the other looked at him and nodded. The first one took the visual cue and let me pass. I walked in and saw that Celestia sat in a seat positioned at middle of the end of the room.

        I looked around and took notice of stained-glass windows adorning the walls. Each depicted some sort of event. One looked to be six ponies firing some laser at a much larger -and darker- pony. Another was of two alicorns, I assume Celestia and Luna, circling some weird ass creature. I’d have to ask about that.

        “Welcome Richard, what can I do for?”

        I directed my attention back to Celestia and answered her, “Well, since I’ve been here, I’ve lacked a change of clothes and am wondering where I can get the services of a tailor. Besides that, not much. However, I do want to know what that glass mirror over there depicts.”

        I pointed to the image of the two alicorns and the creature and put my hand back down.

        “I can send a servant to your room to acquire your measurements and a tailor will make you new clothing. I don’t suppose you mind what it looks like?”

        I shrugged, “As long as it’s not frilly or too colorful, I’m fine. Practical use over design.”

        Celestia nodded, “Then I will make sure of that. As for the window… That is of my sister and I using the elements of harmony to trap Discord in stone.”

        “Alright, soo... who’s Discord?”

        “Discord is a draconequus. He is chaos incarnate and his physical appearance is just a reminder. His body has similarities to several species, but as far as anypony knows, he is the only one of his kind.”

        I frowned, “Well, that’s depressing. Is he still encased in stone?”

        “Yes, he is.”

        “Alright then, I have nothing else to ask, so I’ll just leave you to do… whatever you do.”

        We said our farewells and I left both the throne room and the castle. I found my way to a clearing out behind the castle near a maze. The clearing had a platoon of guards running in formation of four squads arranged in columns around the edge of the clearing. In the center of the clearing was a single white unicorn stallion. His hair consisted of several shades of blue and he wore a lavender colored armor, but lacked a helmet. His armor was trimmed with a gold outline while that of the guards running around the clearing had armor composed of pure gold.

        The stallion in question took notice of my appearance and motioned for me to approach. The platoon made their rounds by me and I continued after they passed.

        “Whitestorm! Pick up the pace or your entire squad will do push-ups till dawn!” Shining armor yelled at a pegasus guard falling behind the platoon.

        “Yes sir!”

The guard picked up his pace and quickly caught up, possibly fearing his life because of this stallion or perhaps because of his squad if they are forced to do push-ups because of him.

        Ahh. Peer pressure is such a great way to motivate.

        I stopped in front of him and held out my hand to shake his. Then I promptly remembered our height difference. Most ponies are about two feet shorter than myself. Being 5”9’ put at around average in the U.S., but here, compared to ponies I was an anomaly. However, both Luna and Celestia were my height, take a couple inches.

        Regardless, he used his hoof to shake my hand and introduced himself, “Hello Richard, Captain Shining Armor of the Equestrian Solar Guards. Celestia informed us you were involved in your world’s military. What position did you hold?”

        Quick and to the point. I like this guy.

        “Private. I was deployed out in the field before arriving here. I’ve had training in close-combat situations. My duty was to protect and uphold the peace.”

        Shining Armor turned his head to check on the progress of the platoon and satisfied, looked back at me.

        “Normally I would not consider this, but since you are previously trained and possibly have knowledge we can use, I am offering a position in the Solar Guard without having to go to bootcamp. I assume you have done something like that before, yes?”

        “Yeah. I accept your offer Captain Armor, however, first I have to get some measurements done back at my room for new clothes.”

        He smiled, “Perfect, I’ll have one of my lieutenants escort you to the barracks in around twenty minutes. We will discuss more on this topic later Richard. Unless you have any more questions, you are dismissed.”

        I straightened my posture and saluted him, “Yes Captain!”

        He saluted in return, “Just call me sir.”

        “Yes Sir!”

        I held my salute until he dropped his salute and took one step backwards and turned around. I entered the castle and made my ways through the halls until I found my room.

        Just gotta get my measurements taken and I should be good.

        I entered and found Inkwell waiting for me inside. I waved at her in greeting.

        “Hey Inkwell, what’s up?”

        She looked up at the ceiling and looked back to me. I could see she was biting her lip and her face screamed nervous.

        “U-u-uhh… I don’t know Richard.”

        I closed the door behind me and walked up to her and rubbed the top of her head, “What did I say about being nervous, Inkwell? No need to be. Also saying ‘what’s up’ is a greeting where I’m from. So, what do you need?”

        She looked up at me as I removed my hand from her head and said, “I’m here to take your measurements.”

        The way she was looking at me was overwhelming with cute. Damn, these ponies are just too adorable for their own good.

        “I’m going to have to ask you to take off your clothes.”

        “Oka- Wait what.”

        “The princess told me to get your measurements for new clothing. That means I need you to take what you’re wearing off.”

        I sighed, “Alright then.” I stripped down to nothing and stood near the doorway, facing the bed. I waited for her to finish gawking at me.

        “Your-”

        I held up a hand, “Just start measuring, I don’t want to hear the rest of what you are about to say.”

 I had to bend down so she could measure my upper body. Any awkwardness while she measured my lower half died off after a few minutes and and I started making small talk.

        That was, until the door opened from behind me.

        “Pri- Oh… uh- I’ll wait outside.”

        Aw, come on. I turned around to watch the door close shut.

        Wait…

        I looked back at Inkwell who was now a shade of purple as she stopped measuring my thigh from in front of me.

        I looked back at the door.

        Fuck me.

That’s exactly what he thought she was doing.

        I groaned and waved my hand, “Urgh- Continue, I’ll take care of it once you’re done.”

        She finished the measurements after a few more minutes and I re-dressed, grabbed my ACU coat and stepped out after her. We said our farewells and I informed her that I would be residing in the Solar Guard barracks. She wandered off down the hall while I approached the guard standing outside my door.

        He wore the standard armor, gray fur, and had a green mane poking out of his helmet along with his green tail..

        He took the initiative and spoke, “Sorry to interrupt your fun, Private Richard. I’m here to bring you to our barracks.”

        I waved my hands side-to-side in front of me and shook my head furiously, “It was not what you think it was! She was just taking measurements for new clothing!”

        “Sure, and I’m a virgin,” he deadpanned.

        “Anyways, let’s get going. Follow me.”

        I sighed and resigned myself to my fate whilst I took a place beside him.