Chapters part one of however many to come
Just a little preface this was my celebration at having reached over one hundred pages in one of my stories, it was met with success so I decided to try it as a standalone piece. Thanks to Pinkie being Pinkie she can break the laws of physics and more importantly canon, unfortunately those laws go back into being once the characters leave. Thanks to the huge amount of universes that Pinkie has been to you may recognize many characters if not just ask me and I’ll explain who they are. Also unmarked spoilers for many different books, games, TV shows and movies, read at your own risk.
The best party ever
Twilight Sparkle had had her doubts about Pinkie Pie’s sanity before; then again everypony in Ponyville is insane. Even she was on occasion, but what Pinkie had told her to do was absolutely insane.
“You’ll be fine Twilight; all you have to do is jump in a circle and yell FOREVER. Then you’ll appear at the party house.” Twilight said in a sarcastic imitation of Pinkie’s voice while she walked towards Everfree forest, which was the only place she felt that it was ok to make a complete idiot of herself. As she neared the forest she decided that this would have to do and began to jump around in a circle for a few minutes before she yelled.
“FOREVER” much to Twilight’s considerable surprise she found herself standing outside a large white walled mansion, coming out of the mansion was the distinct beat of techno and flashing multi colored lights. Twilight went up to the door and knocked uncertainly, the door was opened by a short human in a jesters outfit.
“Hello, do you happen to have an invitation or has Miss Pinkie neglected to give you one like the rest?” the man asked her in a voice that was somewhere between jaded and sarcastic. Twilight looked at the man in shock, it wasn’t that she’d never seen a human before, it was just that he was such an ordinary human who looked completely out of place inside his outfit.
“Haskill stop being such a downer this is Twilight.” Pinkie said from behind Haskill
“Of course madam.” Haskill replied deadpanly as he stepped out of Twilight’s way. As Haskill stepped out of the way Twilight caught her first view of the party, it took her breath away. Standing around talking to each other, drinking and eating together, or dancing together were more strange humans and other species then Twilight had ever seen before.
“So Twilight what do you think of the party?” Pinkie asked her friend as she led Twilight into the house.
“Pinkie where are we?” Twilight asked her friend uncertainly.
“Oh we’re at a plane between dimensional planes that can be accessed by anyone who knows how; I have a super special deal with the guy who runs it he lets me throw as many parties as I want in exchange I make sure that we aren’t canceled.”
“Canceled, Pinkie how could we be canceled?” Twilight asked Pinkie in confusion, instead of answering her Pinkie grabbed a cupcake and handed it to Twilight.
“Trust me Twilight you wouldn’t understand, now get out there and mingle the crowd is great tonight!” Pinkie enthused before she walked back towards the entrance to great a very confused man in a leather duster carrying a large wooden staff.
“Yeah mingle.” Twilight said with sarcasm as she looked around for someone who looked even a little approachable, in the end she decided on two ordinary looking guys sitting at a table talking. “Umm hi cool party right?” Twilight asked them.
“Ford the purple pony is talking to us.” Said one
“Arthur why do you always have to state the obvious?” Ford asked his Arthur
“Coping mechanism.” Arthur replied, Ford turned to address Twilight.
“Yeah the party is pretty swanky, almost beats Millways, so this your first time?”
“Yes, I’m confused who are all of these people?”
“Well I’m Ford, and this is Arthur we’re a couple of hitchhikers out to see the galaxy, as for the rest I haven’t the faintest idea. Now if you’ll excuse me I desperately need a Gargleblaster.” He waved to a waiter who brought over a tray; Twilight assumed that that was all she was going to get out of them so she wandered away.
Pinkie waited at the door expectantly as the latest guests arrived; it was two teenaged boys and a teenaged girl, both of the boys’ hair was extremely spiky but one’s was white while the other’s was brown, over their shoulders all three carried large Keyblades.
“Glad you could make it Sora!” Pinkie enthused as they drew closer causing the brown haired guy to smile.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world Pinkie, who’s here?” Sora asked
“And more importantly what kind of alcohol do you have?” the white haired guy asked her drawing an annoyed look from the girl.
“Too many to count, and more than enough.” Pinkie told them as she moved out of their way; it was turning into a really good party. Pinkie then surveyed the dance floor and found that somepony had replaced the techno with smooth waltzing music. Couples were elegantly spinning each other around in incredible displays of grace; at the center of it were two couples. One was a familiar masked raccoon spinning a fox around, while the other was a man who looked slightly awkward dancing with a startling beautiful woman. Way to go Mal, Pinkie thought to herself before taking in the rest of the party.
At a table off to the right Master Chief and Cortana were in deep conversation with Ratchet an Clank, to their left Markus and Dom were having a drinking contest with two of the Warhammer Spacemarines, it wouldn’t end well for them. As she continued to scan the room she noticed Dresden having a nerdgasm as he simultaneously talked to Gandalf and Luke Skywalker.
“An excellent party we’re having this evening madam…” Haskill told her from his position next to the door. “...although I do worry about leaving my lord by himself for too long unattended, he has a habit of ‘going mad’.”
“Don’t worry Haskill; I’m sure your master will be fine.” Pinkie told him before she said “Now it’s time to party!” Haskill sighed as she ran off into the crowds. Twilight was still completely lost among all of the different people and beings that surrounded her, she noticed a group of people wearing white hoods which looked remarkably like eagle beaks talking and laughing together mentioning something about Templers. She decided that they were probably not the right people for her to be talking to, before she could go much farther Rainbow Dash of all ponies emerged out of the crowd.
“Twilight what are you doing here?” Dash asked her friend in bewilderment.
“I could ask you the same thing Dash.” Twilight replied slightly annoyed
“Well Pinkie invited me of course, I love these parties!” Dash responded doing a midair back flip.
“Wait you knew about these?” Twilight asked her in amazement.
“Of course I did Twi Pinkie’s been inviting Rarity and I for years.”
“And you never told me about it?” Twilight asked her friend with a hurt look
“Oh don’t be like that Twi, if we’d told you a year ago you would have called us all crazy, besides how close are you to freaking out?”
“Really close actually.” Twilight replied
“Then I suggest you avoid going over there, Celestia and Luna are having their annual drink off and I don’t think that your brain could take it, especially with Discord judging.” Twilight’s jaw dropped and she stared at Dash.
“Here Twilight follow me I know a table where you should be fine.” Dash told her before leading her over to a side table occupied by two other ponies. One was a brown coated pegasus wearing a cowboy hat and the other was a black unicorn with a white mane.
“Howdy Dash, who’s you friend.” The pegasus asked.
“This is Twilight, I’m sure you’ve heard of her, this is her first party and she’s taking it kinda badly, could you two make sure that she doesn’t go crazy I still want to get some dancing in?” Dash asked them.
“Of course go right ahead, this isn’t the first time that Calamity and I’ve had to keep somepony from going crazy.” Replied the unicorn in a beautiful voice
“Thanks Velvet, gota fly.” Dash then sped off back to the dance floor.
“You alright kid?” The pegasus asked Twilight, who looked uncertainly around her before answering
“I’m not sure; this is all too much to take in.” The black unicorn nodded, she knew what Twilight meant.
“I understand, the only reason that we’re here is that for some reason Pinkie’s invitation extends to a certain friend of ours, and it’s the only time that we really get to see her now days.”
“I’m sorry…?” Twilight said not really understanding
“Don’t worry about it; she and Homage are off somewhere so it doesn’t really matter anyways. So do you have any questions about what’s going on here?” Velvet asked her.
“Yes how is this conversation even possible?”
“As to that we don’t really know, but you should ask Pinkie later, anything else.” Calamity drawled.
“Is there anypony that I really shouldn’t talk to here?” Twilight asked with the odd feeling that she’d overstayed her welcome. Velvet motioned over to the main bar where a large shirtless man with red tattoos and scars running up his chest stood casting an imposing shadow over most of the bar around him.
“You should avoid going anywhere near him, that’s Kratos, he kills gods for a pastime, other than that most people will at least humor you.” Velvet told her.
“Thanks I think I’ll try and mingle now.” Twilight told them as she got unsteadily from her chair. Calamity and Velvet exchanged glances before they both started to snicker once she was far enough away. One table over a guy in a jumpsuit with the words ‘Vault 101’ on them sighed, he was lucky enough to have gotten a second chance, not everybody was so lucky in the wasteland.
Twilight decided that the best thing that she could do at this point was get pleasantly buzzed so she headed over to the bar. Much to her surprise the bartender was a blue skinned female humanoid with slightly scaly skin.
“What’ll it be dear?” asked the bartender in a surprisingly deep voice, not creepy deep just surprising.
“Umm cider please.” Twilight responded unsteadily, she wasn’t used to having many options for drinking.
“Sure kid coming right up.” Said the bar tender as she reached under the bar and brought up a small barrel of cider and poured a glass for Twilight before she pushed it over to her. “So is this your first time at a Pinkie party?”
“No but I’ve never been to one in-between dimensions before.” Twilight replied “How’d you know?”
“It’s the fact that you look like you just stepped out of a coma.” Replied the bartender easily as she looked around to make sure that no one else needed her.
“I look that bad?” Twilight asked her in concern.
“Yeah, I would suggest only drinking a glass of that or you’ll wake up tomorrow with a raging headache and somebody of a completely different species lying next to you.” The bartender told her with a shrug “not that there’s anything wrong with that of course, I’m asari so I can’t judge.” Twilight was astonished by the frankness that the bartender talked with, it sounded like she’d seen it all.
Meanwhile Pinkie was making her rounds when she noticed an eight year old boy running around in his underwear yelling sugar while he was pursued by a blue creature yelling for him to come back. Pinkie sighed, people needed to learn not to give Mac candy, especially considering this was the tenth time that it had happened. As she walked through the part of the house devoted to being far bigger on the inside then on the outside in order to accommodate many of the larger creatures that called the many dimensions that Pinkie traveled to home she spied a large black dragon talking to a human standing next to him.
“Laurence I have been studying math and science for a long time at this point and this whole place mystifies me, do you have any idea how it could exist at all?” Laurence sighed and in an English accent replied.
“My dear if you don’t then I certainly won’t.” Pinkie greeted them cheerfully as she made her way back to the main room. Much to her surprise she found Twilight dealing with her surroundings quite nicely, if somewhat drunkenly, which was surprising in itself because Twilight wasn’t a very big drinker. Pinkie smiled and waved at Celestia and Luna who were still engaged in their drinking contest, which was one of many that were currently going on around them. Among the drinkers Markus and Dom were somehow still holding their own against the two Spacemarines. Although they looked much worse than the marines, it might have been something about the marines’ metabolism, or the fact that the marines were Ragnar Blackmane of the Space Wolves and Alaric of the Grey Knights might have also had something to do with it. Pinkie also noticed a group of ODST headed by Buck of course who looked like they were about to start a friendly brawl with the members of Noble Team, Pinkie actually wasn’t sure who to bet on.
“Pinkie my comrade it is good to see you again, Sasha and I were worried that we would miss you on our way!” Shouted the Heavy in a Russian accent as he pulled Pinkie into a bonecrushing hug.
“It’s good to see you to Heavy, and you to Sasha.” Pinkie replied as the huge man set her down “Are any of the other team members here?”
“I don’t think so, maybe the Spy but you could never tell!” the Heavy started to laugh heartily and set off at a stumbling gait towards the door.
“You certainly surround yourself with charming people Ma’am.” Haskill said from behind her.
“I know right, I wonder where Twilight went?” Pinkie asked Haskill not really expecting an answer, instead he pointed out Twilight who was making drunken small talk with a short horse named Tug. “I wonder whether I should stop her or not?” Pinkie mused to herself until she saw Tug give her a wink that meant that he would keep her friend from doing anything that she would regret. Pinkie nodded her thanks to the small horse and decided that it was time for a drink. She walked up to the bar where she found Kratos putting away shots and staring menacingly at Percy Jackson muttering something about smashing his face in. “Kratos what did I tell you about threatening the children of gods from other dimensions who are in no way related to the way that you were treated?” Pinkie asked Kratos which caused his shot glass to break in his hand.
“Pinkie, look at the arrogant spark in his eye, he’s mocking me, nobody mocks Kratos!” Jackson had noticed Pinkie and waved at her, which caused Kratos to reach for his blades.
“Kratos not that I don’t think that you could kill Percy, I somewhat doubt that you could kill everyone in this house that calls him a friend, which is pretty much everypony.” Pinkie told the enraged demigod sternly, she may have not liked being the voice of reason, but she could do it regardless when things called for it. Kratos growled in frustration and made his way towards the door, probably going to attack the Egyptian Pantheon.
“Church I told you we could pick up chicks with the tank!” Pinkie heard Tucker call to Church as she was walking through the main room.
“I had a chick once, but then I ate on it and it stopped being a chick and I was very sad.” Caboose replied before Church could say anything. Pinkie liked Caboose he reminded her of herself.
After drunkenly talking to the nice horse Tug for a while Twilight had decided to wander around more, eventually she heard a conversation about magic and decided to investigate. Sitting around a table were two old men with white hair and long beards wearing long flowing robes, and one tall man in a leather duster who was listening to the two men with something verging on hero worship.
“…So you see Albus that’s why I didn’t just summon the giant eagles to take the ring to Mordor.” Concluded one of the men
“Excuse me but why didn’t you just teleport it there?” Twilight asked the wizards breaking them out of their train of conversation; all three regarded her with great intensity before Albus burst into laughter.
“You must be Twilight Sparkle, it’s a pleasure to meet you young lady. I’m sure Gandalf would have if it were up to him, however the gods of his dimension are slightly more restricting then the ones from your dimension. Come sit down and we’ll have a nice discussion about the nature of magic.” Albus told her offering her a seat next to him.
“Harry Dresden, I’m always happy to meet another Twilight.” The man in leather told her, causing her to give him an odd look.
“What do you mean another Twilight?” she asked even with the alcohol clouding her head she was caught off guard.
“My dear you are one of hundreds of trillions of Twilight Sparkles, although even as drunk as you are you are still the most polite that I’ve ever met.” Albus told her, Twilight shrugged, maybe it was the drink, or maybe it was because of all the things that she’d seen that night but the idea that there were more of her running around didn’t surprise her.
“So about the nature of magic…” Twilight asked.
The next morning Twilight awoke with a start, her head was pounding, her eyes were bloodshot, and her entire body ached. She looked around her to make sure that she was alone and sighed with relief that she hadn’t accidentally invited anypony home with her like she had that one time while she was still in magic academy. Suddenly Pinkie dropped out of the ceiling and onto her bed.
“Pinkie please tell me we didn’t do anything together last night.” Twilight moaned.
“Don’t worry Twilight all we did was go to an interdimensional party, you got completely wasted and kept yelling something about physical gods, and then you got in on the drinking game between Celestia and Luna. It was really fun, don’t worry we get to do it all again next week!” Twilight buried her head in her pillow in frustration; it would be a long wait.
part two
Two
Twilight was happy, actually to put it better she was ecstatic, actually that didn’t fit either she was caught up in a rapturous upwelling of joy so intense that she had been magically floating all day. Yesterday she had flawlessly dealt with the town’s weekly emergency which meant the today was Sunday, which meant that today was the day of her second party at Pinkie’s transdimensional mansion! Ever since her first party last week Twilight had been kept up every night thinking about it, but this time she had a game plan. She wouldn’t walk around looking lost like a lost duckling, this time she would capitalize this amazing opportunity to learn more about the nature of both magic and the universe itself! She also wanted to try some more of the amazing types of alcohol, but that was beside the point.
Just as night was falling Twilight made her way to the edge of Everfree and repeated the same steps as she had last time. After a quick flash of light she found herself once more standing in front of the mansion with its pleasant white washed walls. As she approached she was slightly disgruntled by the lack of a pounding base, or any other instrument for that matter. With a sinking feeling of dread Twilight mad her way up to the door, and marshaling her courage knocked lightly on the door. To her relief the familiar form of Haskill greeted her, he looked down at her and said.
“Miss Twilight I see you have decided to join us again, what a pleasure.” His voice was deadpan, but Twilight couldn’t seem to find a reason for it to be.
“Why isn’t there any music playing?” Twilight asked Haskill, who was still obstructing her view of the room.
“Because you’re an hour early.” Haskill told her, a slight smile touching his lips “But fear not, Mistress Pie guessed you would arrive before most of the others. In her unquestionable wisdom she has set up a small table from which you to wait for the party proper to begin. This is also so that you don’t inadvertently disrupt the proper procedure that setting up a party of this magnitude entails.” Twilight was surprised, he’d never seemed stupid, but she was surprised at the size of his words and effortlessness that he had used them to describe her situation. Seeing the look of surprise on her face Haskill merely smiled and said. “After working for a god of madness for so long I have picked up on the fact that serendipity favors those who are well prepared and retain a strong vocabulary, don’t you concur?” Twilight couldn’t help herself she started to giggle softly, the words just sounded so funny coming out of a man dressed like a jester.
“Lead onward oh master of knowledge and arcane word lore.” Twilight said earning a slight smile from Haskill. He led her to a small table that was set up on the far side of the main room as Twilight looked around her gathering visual information about the setting up of the party. The room looked oddly empty to Twilight without the hustle and bustle of the party going on inside, almost as if some great beast had made a nest but hadn’t laid any eggs yet.
“Twilight I’m glad to see that you could make it.” Said Velvet who had walked up behind Twilight without her noticing
“Velvet it’s good to see you, what are you doing here so early?” Twilight asked the black unicorn.
“Oh I’m part of tonight’s entertainment, I get to sing a song called ‘I love rock and roll’” Velvet told her rolling her eyes at the name of the song.
“Sounds like fun, where’s Calamity?” Twilight asked
“Off helping Littlepip and Homage do something, he said he’d be back later.” Velvet told her, then she noticed a man with a black hair who was wielding a guitar that looked suspiciously like an axe waving towards her. She sighed before turning to Twilight and saying. “I’ve got to go, that’s Eddie he’s one of the band members so I’ve got to go practice, nice seeing you again Twilight.” With that she walked over towards the man with the guitar and started a deep conversation.
Pinkie Pie was standing at the door preparing to welcome the first wave guests with Haskill standing next to her. Approaching on an electrified metal disk was a teenager in a blue jacket and black hair.
“Static I’m glad you could make it.” Pinkie told him
“I’m glad I could come to Pinkie, but I’m also acting as messenger for the League, and you’re not going to like it.” said Static a little nervously.
“Why not, I’m sure it can’t be too bad?” Pinkie asked him in confusion
“Well…” Static said while he fiddled with a piece of his hair “…apparently they’re bringing the entire JLU.”
“Dear Celestia they can’t do that, even this house would barely hold them all, and I can’t rent out the entire party to one group!” Pinkie said her voice jumping an octave at the thought.
“Ma’am if I may interject?” Haskill asked Pinkie nodded “I believe that there is one room that could hold all of them, we just don’t use it much because there’s almost never a big enough justification. There would of course only be allowed to be a certain number of leaguers outside at a certain time, but I do believe that we could set up a private catering service to run specifically to only that room.” Pinkie looked relieved, she still didn’t know every part of the house yet and once again Haskill had proven his worth.
“Thanks Haskill, I’m assuming that you’ll take care of it?” Pinkie asked him, she received a nod as the man turned away to see to it that the staff knew what their jobs were. “You can come in Static, nobodies here yet but that doesn’t mean that you have to stand out on the doormat.” Static thanked her and made his way over to the bar, he was in-between dimensions, it couldn’t hurt. Pinkie turned around to find Twilight looking around dully at the walls and decided that no friend of hers was allowed to look that bored. “Twilight want to have some fun?” Pinkie asked her with a mischievous look in her eyes. Twilight looked up in surprise; she hadn’t noticed that Pinkie had even entered the room.
“Sure Pinkie what do you have in mind?” Twilight asked turning her intelligent eyes to look at Pinkie.
“I challenge you to not get drunk tonight, but here’s the catch, you have to have one drink every twenty minutes starting once this conversation is over.”
“Ok…but how’s that fun?” Twilight asked her uncertainly, Pinkie flashed Twilight her infectious smile.
“Well you need to find a way to get rid of enough of the alcohol from your system in time to avoid getting drunk, which means that if you’re planning on winning this challenge then you have to come up with a new spell.” Twilight looked skeptical at first but then nodded slowly to herself.
“Yes, I see and I would have to perfect the power of the spell and find somewhere to put the excess alcohol.” She lapsed into silence for a second before saying “Challenge accepted Pinkie!” Pinkie smiled glad that she could provide Twilight with a worthy distraction.
“I would start now because with every drink it’s going to get harder, oh and if you can’t do it forget about the challenge, I don’t want my distraction to ruin your time tonight.” Twilight nodded and waved her away with an impatient hoof. Pinkie walked back over to Haskill who looked at her sideways.
“How good are her chances do you think Ma’am?” asked the steward
“Oh around the same as me letting anypony from G3 in here.” Pinkie said with a shrug causing Haskill to chuckle. “Oh look guests are arriving!” Pinkie said excitedly. Twilight was perplexed, she’d spent ten of her allotted twenty minutes trying to think of a known way to get rid of the alcohol that would soon enter her bloodstream, but besides actually running a filter spell through all of her blood at the same time she couldn’t think of any. She spent the other ten minutes trying to come up with a new spell based on what she knew about alcohol, before she started to bang her head gently against the table in frustration. When her time ran out she walked over to the bar and asked for a glass of cider, it was a light way to start but she assumed it still counted. This was about the time that she noticed that the party had actually started, over at the buffet table there was an odd pink creature who seemed to be cramming entire platters of food into his mouth with no apparent negative. Standing next to the pink thing was a slightly annoyed looking metal thing wearing a cape and a sword at his waist. Twilight’s vision skimmed over them and landed on a man in green shirt and matching shorts who was arguing loudly with a tiny blue light hovering next to his head, intrigued Twilight decided to investigate.
“…and that Navi is why I don’t need you to always pop up beside my ear and shout ‘HEY LISTEN’ as loud as you can twenty times in a row!” The man finished saying before he took a long drink from his mug.
“And I think that you haven’t appreciated me since you met that Zelda girl!” The blue light responded indignantly in a high pitched female voice that made Twilight’s ears feel like someone was trying to saw through them.
“Excuse me I’m working on a problem and your yelling is making it much harder to concentrate, if I help you solve this argument will you stop yelling?” Twilight asked the two who turned to look at her, the man’s face blushing; he hadn’t noticed that they were yelling so loud.
“Sure, it would be nice to have an outside source’s opinion on the problem, I’m Link by the way and this is Navi my fairy.” Link told her kindly before gesturing to the blue light hovering around his shoulder.
“Don’t introduce me like that Link; you’re my responsibility not the other way around! I am not an object in your position, nor am I going to accept the fact that you no longer require my help!” Replied Navi in outrage, the blue light surrounding her body was a blur of angry motion.
“Could you both explain the cause of the strife between you please?” Twilight asked, she was already enjoying herself and the glass of cider was helping restrain her from smashing the fairy against the bar repeatedly just to make her stop talking.
“Well you see it started back in the forest, I was the only kid in the entirety of the Deku village who didn’t have a fairy. Eventually I had a nightmare about a man named Gannon kidnapping a girl from the castle located outside of the forest where my village was. Then the guardian spirit of the woods the Great Deku tree sent Navi to be my guide and helper on a quest to save the world. Things worked out well at first, I mean I was really excited and happy to finally have a fairy, but after clearing a few of the dungeons that I needed to I began to realize that Navi had nothing useful to say.” Link told Twilight
“Nothing useful to say, I have nothing useful to say!” raged Navi “I’ve saved your ungrateful life dozens of times Link, maybe hundreds, without me you’d be dead in a spider’s web at the bottom of a cave!”
“Ok but give me some examples, what are some of the useless things that she’s told you as you claim over and over ad nauseam?” Twilight asked Link, not ignoring Navi completely, just focusing on the one who didn’t make her ears bleed.
“Well for example with the power of my ocarina I can change the time of day, or even change the weather. Occasionally though I get a new song that I don’t want to try yet but she constantly yells HEY LISTEN at me to get my attention before telling me I should try to use the new song. Other times she tells me things that would be obvious to a toddler and she won’t shut up until I’ve listened!” Twilight nodded and then braced herself before turning to Navi.
“And what’s your view on this Navi?” Bracing herself Twilight asked the fairy politely.
“Well it’s my job to make sure that Link gets through all of his adventures and doesn’t end up as a bloodstain on a wall somewhere, sometimes he just ignores me and I feel unappreciated so I keep on trying to get his attention but he just ignores me! Do you realize how bad that is on someone’s self-esteem?” the Fairy sounded on the verge of tears, causing Link to look worriedly at her.
“I’m sorry Navi I had no idea that you felt that way, I’ll try and pay more attention to you in the future.” Link said the sincerity in his voice was unmistakable. “And thank you…” Link lost his train of thought while he tried to place Twilight’s name.
“Twilight” Twilight replied embarrassedly realizing that she’d never told them her name.
“Yes thank you Twilight, I think we can fix this now!” Navi told her excitedly, Twilight managed a pained smile.
“I’m happy I could help, now go save the world.” she told them before she walked farther down the bar to get another drink, it had of course been twenty minutes since her last one. Twilight sighed to herself, there really was no way that she could win this challenge and she’d been foolish to try, but at least she’d made an effort.
Pinkie greeted another influx of guests, among them were two spiky haired men and a woman. They looked like any other group of dimension hoppers but Pinkie knew something was up; one of the men was wearing an orange jumpsuit.
“Naruto I haven’t seen you for years!” Pinkie exclaimed causing the man in the middle to blush slightly.
“Yeah I’m sorry Pinkie I’ve been busy.” Pinkie waved away his apology
“Think nothing of it, once a friend of Pinkie always a friend of Pinkie. But remember your rule” Pinkie told him, he nodded gratefully and said.
“I promise not to make clones of myself that look like incredibly beautiful women and then trick horny teenagers into taking them to bedrooms where they’ll vanish without a trace right after they take their tops off.” Naruto said sheepishly.
“Good, then go and enjoy the party.” Pinkie told him with a smile, Haskill just sighed he hadn’t seen the degenerate in years either, and that hadn’t been long enough.
“Ma’am I believe that the JLU is arriving, I suggest laying out the ground rules that I set up for you.” Haskill told Pinkie as he noticed the large number of heroically walking shapes rising out of the horizon. As one the two or three hundred members of the JLU landed in front of Pinkie and Haskill with the original seven landing directly in front.
“I’m sorry for the inconvenience that we’ve probably caused you Pinkie, but the Watchtower can’t hold all of us plus our staff and we thought that everybody deserved a party.” Superman told her his voice was very sincere.
“It’s fine I just wish that you had sent someone earlier then Static, now time for some ground rules.” Pinkie began. “Rule one no one besides the original seven is allowed to leave the room that we’re taking you to. Rule two I retain full rights to kick you out of the house if any of you start a super brawl. Rule three Haskill or any of our staff has just as much if not more authority then me so you will respect them. Finally rule four, have as much drunken fun as you possibly can without getting thrown out!” At the last one the entire JLU had burst into cheers and followed Haskill around to the entrance that he beckoned them towards. Except for the original seven who after some pleasantries walked into the main house, as he walked in Superman noticed two old friends of his sitting at a table taking, smiling he walked over and sat down.
“Superman it’s been too long, how’s life been treating you?” asked one of the two, the other just nodded and looked expectantly at Superman.
“Well you know I’ve saved the earth a few times, nothing to special.” Superman replied, among his current company it really wasn’t.
“Oh yeah I’ve done it a bunch recently to.” Replied the first speaker nonchalantly after he took a bite of his burger.
“And I’ve somehow managed to gain even more internet popularity…” said the other with a sigh. Superman nodded, he knew the feeling.
“So guys how about an arm wrestle for old times’ sake?” the first speaker asked, the other two smiled. Goku leaned forward with a smile on his face and Superman joined him, Chuck of course just smiled and watched his friends. Completely unaware of the universe shaping event going on off to her left Twilight walked along until she accidently stumbled into Princess Luna.
“Oh Twilight I didn’t see you there.” The Princess told her apologetically.
“It’s fine Princess it was my fault completely.” Twilight told her easily.
“Alright then, so are we set for later like last time?” Luna asked her looking at Twilight seductively, Twilight’s brain thought quickly and discerned the proper course of action.
“Meep” Twilight said her eyes growing wide and blushing furiously, Luna looked at her with a playful look on her face.
“Oh I love that about you Twilight, you’re so innocent. Well after last time maybe not quite so innocent but still it’s one of your best features.” Twilight’s brain had shut off except for one action that she could take.
“Princess I’ll be right back, I have to strangle a certain pink pony.” Luna watched in amusement as Twilight ran towards Pinkie. As she passed Twilight noticed Static encountering a bit of a problem
“STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!” Yelled one of the two soldiers dressed in heavy looking iron armor. Static was caught against the wall with the two soldiers standing threateningly in the way of any escape. “Son are you old enough to be drinking that alcoholic beverage in your home dimension?” The soldier asked, this time his voice wasn’t a shout but it still carried a lot of impact.
“Oh come on I just had one drink!” Static told them.
“Boy I used to be a hero like you, but then some drunk teenager shot an arrow into my knee, do you want to cripple someone and take away their purpose in life?” The other soldier who was wearing slightly different armor asked Static, his voice accusatory.
“Aren’t I out of your departments?” Static asked desperately, he really didn’t want to be hauled home by two soldiers from another dimension and have to explain himself to Pops.
“The law is our department kid, now I place you under arres…” he was cut off by the appearance of a short blonde woman who shined a badge in their face.
“Karrin Murphy, SI, I’ve got this one boys.” Said the short blonde woman, the soldiers looked at each then shrugged in unison, they could both use a drink anyways. Once they were gone Murphy looked Static up and down once before she said. “I won’t bail you out twice; now go find something better to spend your time on.” Static nodded
“Thank you Ma’am, I’m sorry for interrupting you’re evening.” Murphy just shrugged and walked off, good deed of the day done. Twilight had meanwhile lost Pinkie in the crowd; she was literally going to strangle the pink ball of fur with magic while holding her over an open fire! Pinkie looked down at Twilight from her spot on the ceiling before turning to her friend and saying.
“Thanks Deadpool!”
“Anytime Pinkie, so what did you do to make her want to kill you?” asked the merc with a mouth.
“Oh she slept with one of our Princesses last time when she was really drunk, and I never told her.” Pinkie said with a small smile breaking through, Deadpool let out a laugh before he set her down on the ground.
“Good luck my fellow fourth wall breaker!” he called as he crawled away across the ceiling using suction cups. Pinkie smiled, Twilight had once again gotten sidetracked so it was safe for her to move around. She headed back towards the doorway where she met a group of large bipedal turtles.
“Pinkie we brought pizza Dude!” yelled Michelangelo as he swept her up in a one armed hug.
“Awesome Mikey!” Pinkie responded while she looked at the rest of the Turtles, for some reason the rest didn’t look very happy. “What’s wrong guys, you look really depressed?” Pinkie asked in a worried tone.
“Nothing Pinkie, except apparently some other dimension’s Turtles are going to be turned into aliens instead of mutants.” Leonardo told her shaking his head in disgust.
“Well that seems really weird.” Pinkie replied
“Guys what did we talk about earlier, we’re here to enjoy the party, we can mope about someone messing with our origin story later.” Donatello to his brothers
“Yeah I’m ready to get drunk and forget this nonsense!” Raphael said before charging off towards the bar, the others followed but were much slower about it. Suddenly a orange portal appeared on the lawn in front of the house and a woman jumped out, she was of course holding a large chocolate cake. “Thanks Chell.” Pinkie said as the woman drew closer.
“You’re welcome Pinkie” Chell replied before moving past her and into the house. Suddenly the house went silent causing Pinkie to turn around in surprise, to her relief it was just the band stepping on stage. As the songs began Pinkie turned back to the door to see if there were any others arriving at the moment but didn’t see any so she left it to Haskill. Twilight was on her tenth drink of cider and was starting to feel the effects, nothing major yet but she was slightly wobbly.
“Hi I’m Ang, you must be Kora.” She heard a bold man say to a teenage girl.
“Wow, you don’t expect to meet your past life at a party.” The girl said in surprise, Twilight moved on before she could here anymore. She was stopped by an unusually odd sight, even for this party. Walking away from the buffet table was a ten year old wearing a pink hat; floating above his head were two short adults.
“Cosmo I really don’t think that we should let Timmy be here, look at all of the alcohol!” said the floating woman.
“Relax Wanda, I’m not going to have any, I’ve been too much crazier parties then this.” Said the boy in the pink hat, “Now I wonder where Jimmy went, you’d think that I kid with that kind of hair would stand out even in this crowd?” before Twilight could hear any more of their conversation Twilight felt a tap on the shoulder.
“Excuse me but I have to ask are you Twilight Sparkle?” Twilight turned around to find a well dressed teenage boy talking to her, his voice was cultured and but strangely not spoiled sounding.
“Yes, I’m Twilight, who’re you?” Twilight asked politely
“My name’s Artemis Fowl, and I was wondering if you could by any chance explain to me the magic involved in getting to this house?” Artemis asked her with equal politeness.
“Sorry but Pinkie hasn’t taken the opportunity to explain it to me.” Twilight replied.
“Oh well there goes that scheme, thank you for your time.” The boy walked off leaving Twilight confused. She checked the main clock and realized that somehow twenty minutes had passed and it was time for another drink. As she approached the bar she noticed two men in scrubs sitting at the bar.
“Lucy would you please explain why we’re here again?” the older one asked the younger one.
“Because Turk and Carla are busy, Jordan took your sons to visit your mother, and Elliot is with her father, now would you please enjoy the party?” Twilight was perplexed, or maybe it was the cider.
“Is your name really Lucy?” she asked the younger man.
“No that’s just how he deals with people who he actually cares about.” The younger man Replied without turning around.
“Oh I see.” Twilight said as she wandered down the bar to get another drink.
“There you are Twilight, are you ready to go yet?” Luna asked from behind Twilight almost making her drop her glass of cider in surprise.
“Luna I don’t want to insult you or anything but I don’t remember going home with you last time, not that I’m sure it wasn’t amazing but I don’t know if I want to get involved with somepony right now.” Twilight told her with a note of regret entering her voice. Luna looked down at her piteously and said.
“Twilight what we had last time was amazing for both of us, but I guess if you want to crush my heart that’s up to you.” Her voice was full of intense sadness as she began to walk away, Twilight couldn’t stand it.
“Luna come back, I guess I could give it a try.” Twilight told the Princess.
“It fills my heart with joy that you would reconsider Twilight.” Luna said and together they walked out the door of the house after Twilight glared at Pinkie who just smiled.
“Ma’am do you think that this will go well for Miss Sparkle?” Haskill asked Pinkie who nodded.
“Twilight’s been looking for a special somepony for a long time, and Luna’s been alone much longer I’d say that they’re perfect for one another.” Pinkie told him happily before turning and saying “Now if you’ll excuse me I have a party to run!” Out of the corner of her eye Celestia observed all of it happily; her plan to set up the two ponies that she cared the most about had gone off without a hitch, now it was time to party!
To those of you keeping score this chapter is going to annoy you I think, I used a lot of characters from books that I grew up with so you may or may not most of them it all depends on how well read you are. I also put in two real life character’s possibly obscure webcomic personality.
Three
“Harder Twilight push harder!”
“I’m trying Luna!”
“You have to put more strength into it!”
“This is so hard it hurts!”
“I know Twilight just a little more I sense it coming!”
“Oh here it comes I can feel it coming too Luna!”
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh YES!”
“Did I do well Luna?” Twilight asked uncertainly looking at the glowing orb of magic suspended in front of her, Luna nodded.
“Yes Twilight I would say that that is a perfect magic construct, in fact it looks better than some of Cely’s.” Twilight was astounded.
“Really I did something better then Celestia?” Luna chuckled to herself.
“Yes Twilight, although I wouldn’t get a big head over it hers are still better most of the time, but for only your third time casting it this is very impressive.” Suddenly Celestia walked into the room.
“Luna what did I tell you about having sex outside of your bedroom, it’s simply impolite to the rest of the staff?” Twilight blushed furiously and Luna chuckled.
“Sister we were simply working on creating magical constructs nothing remotely sexual.” Celestia raised an eyebrow in doubt before her eyes fell upon the orb of pure magic suspended in front of Twilight and she let out a gasp.
“Twilight I had no idea that you had become that powerful, even as my student I never once observed you to posses this kind of power, I’m very impressed!” Twilight blushed even harder.
“It was nothing Princess.”
“Don’t devaluate yourself Twilight I simply won’t have it, for this you deserve a reward of some kind.” Celestia told her.
“Well it is Hearts and Hooves Day, and it also happens to be Sunday which means that tonight should be amazing so I don’t think that I really need any other rewards Princess.” Twilight told her former mentor, Celestia smiled she was happy that Twilight had managed to gain enough self confidence to speak like that.
“Very well my little pony, I suppose you’re right tonight should be amazing, a word to the wise though. Most of the other dimensions call it something differently so don’t be surprised if they give you weird looks if you say Hearts and Hooves.” Twilight nodded her thanks and Celestia walked out of the room leaving Luna and Twilight alone.
“Did it really sound like we were having sex?” Twilight asked Luna
“Probably, we may want to keep it down next time, and I suppose me yelling encouragement didn’t help the mater.” Twilight shrugged, for some reason she didn’t mind what the rest of the Palace thought.
***
Pinkie stood at the doorway of the house as the guests walked in she nodded to each in turn until two new faces came before her, she held up a hoof to block their path, and they stopped.
“What is the meaning of this, Bella and I would like to attend this party?!” the man said, his eyes were golden, for some reason this annoyed Pinkie more than anything about him.
“Yeah hold that thought pretty boy…” Pinkie told him as she turned to Haskill and asked “Are the three of them here?”
“Yes Madam all three and I must say this should be good, would you like me to locate them?” Haskill asked Pinkie, Pinkie nodded her head rapidly.
“Edward maybe we should just go.” The voice had no real inflection, no real personality, nothing worth remembering. Three new figures now stood behind Pinkie, one was a blonde women who appeared to be in her twenties, one was a man wearing a red jacket and matching hat along with round glasses that reflected the light, The last was Harry Dresden who needs no introduction at this point.
“These are three of my favorite vampire hunters; I suggest you run now before I nicely ask them to remover you from my reality.” Bella backed away but Edward held her there, he wasn’t backing down.
“You won’t do it, I’m a Cullen.”
“Alucard, would you be so kind as to show Mister Cullen the error of his thinking?” Without a second’s pause Alucard drew one of his pistols and riddled Edwards’s body with large bullet holes, a large smile on his face as he did it. Bella screamed she didn’t know how the bullets had penetrated; Edward’s skin was as hard as diamond it should have easily stopped the bullets. When he was done shooting Alucard blew on the barrel of his gun to cool it and smiled at Pinkie.
“Oh I just love magic bullets.” He said with a grin on his face “Now I wonder where Police Girl’s gotten to?” he walked away humming the Adventure Time theme to himself. Pinkie looked at Haskill for explanation.
“That was the Alucard from the abridged universe." Haskill said simply, Pinkie nodded her understanding. Bella was cradling Edward’s body which was somehow still functioning.
“I’ll get rid of them” Buffy said drawing the crossbow from across her back. With extreme precision she sent five magical bolts through both of the vampire’s heads sending them flying backwards. Dresden sighed before he immolated them both in a extremely hot fire spell reducing them to little more than ash.
“Thanks Dresden, I would have hated to find some other way to get rid of the bodies.” Pinkie told him.
“That went well Ma’am” Haskill told her as more guests shuffled past Pinkie nodded, the night was off to a great start. The next ponies in line were Twilight and Princess Luna.
“Twilight it’s good to see you again, It’s been a week!” Pinkie said pulling her friend into a tight hug.
“I’m sorry Pinkie, Luna and I have been doing experiments.” Twilight told her causing Pinkie to giggle.
“I’m sure you have Twilight, I’m sure you have.” Pinkie told her friend with a mischievous smile on her face, which is when Twilight caught the subtext.
“Not that kind of experiment Pinkie!” she cried, Luna sabotaged her by saying
“Well not as often as the normal kind of experiments at least, we usually save those for the evening.” Pinkie just giggled and waved the two though while Twilight glared at Luna who simply smiled benignly in return. As they walked into the room Twilight noticed the fact that the room was literally covered in pink, pink heart shaped spotlights spun across the room casting pink shadows on the white walls, spread around the room were pink party balloons also in the shape of hearts. Twilight made a slight gagging sound, this much pink was giving her an aneurism.
“Arya please, even Saphira who up until recently was the last the last female of her race and the only male options were evil, has had more sex then me, and the unresolved sexual tension between the two of us is so bad that whenever we’re in the same room together it feels like the room is going to burst into flames!” Twilight heard a man tell a woman who was sitting in front of him at a table off to the side.
“Eragon we’ve been over this countless times, it will never work out between the two of us!” The woman replied heatedly, Twilight and Luna exchanged looks; this was going to get interesting.
“Arya I’ve saved your life, you’ve saved mine, your immortal, I’m immortal, your elven, I’m more than half elven, you’re a dragon rider, I’m a dragon rider. We’re perfect for each other, I don’t know why you won’t just accept it!” the man was obviously getting angry.
“Because Eragon I’m the queen of the Elves, I can’t take you as my life mate, it just wouldn’t be proper!” Arya replied getting angry at Eragon.
“That’s bull and we both know it Arya, the Elves will accept anyone as the queen’s consort that they as long as the queen is happy!”
“You know nothing of elven politics Eragon, don’t presume that you have a secret insight into how we work!” it was at this point that Twilight noticed that several other couples were looking at the bickering pair and shaking their heads. One was a man dressed in almost blindingly white armor with a rampant dragon on it; his woman was a tall blonde haired elf who looked highly regal.
“I wish those two would hurry this up, it’s making me feel guilty for finding a loophole.” The man in white armor told the blonde elf, she smiled and sighed.
“Not every situation is the same as ours Tomas, although the similarities are very striking.” Before first couples conversation could go any farther Tomas stood up and said.
“Hey you two, every time that you come here you spend the entire time arguing about whether or not the two of you should have sex, why don’t you try it and then make your decision about what’s right and wrong about it? Because I for one am tired of hearing this argument!” the entire room around them started to clap for Tomas’s announcement, Eragon blushed visibly surprisingly so did Arya. Arya looked over at Eragon for several seconds before she pursed her lips and said.
“I think that what he says has some merit, perhaps we should try it his way.” Eragon tried not to look to happy, he failed miserably, but it was the thought that counted. The two of them departed heading for one of the upper story bedrooms.
“Thank the gods…” Twilight wasn’t sure who said it but sensed that the feeling was mutual to everybody. Luna smiled and led Twilight to the bar where they both picked up glasses of cider. Pinkie had been watching the scene with amusement, but now she was just happy, the two deserved each other. A brown haired man and a brown haired woman walked up to the door causing Pinkie to squeal in surprised delight.
“Bobby I haven’t seen you and Courtney in years!” She said as she wrapped the two in a hug.
“Sorry about that Pinkie we’ve been busy lately, but Courtney decided that we could take enough time out of our schedules to come and party.” Bobby told her after he returned the embrace, Pinkie waved them in with delight the last time she’d seen Bobby was when he’d chased Saint Dane to Equestria. It hadn’t turned out as Dane had planned and he had to flee soon afterwards.
At the bar Twilight and Luna ran into an unlikely pair of Italians one of whom was helping his brother pour out his grief, something over Peach being kidnapped right before Valentine’s Day yet again. Twilight decided to ignore them, the one in the green hat looked to be handling things fine. Luna meanwhile had struck up a conversation with a woman named Eleanor.
“How are your mother and father getting along?” Luna asked the Eleanor, who smiled and laughed.
“Daddy always gets annoyed at mom, and then they start arguing, which is weird when one of them lives inside my head, but I’m used to it.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Luna said
“I’ve got to go, but it was nice seeing you again Luna.” Eleanor said as she left, leaving Twilight wondering what she was talking about.
“That was Eleanor, she’s from a very bad place and went through a lot of bad things but she’s finally found peace.” Luna told Twilight when she asked her about it. They went to find a table where they could eat food from the buffet table. Unfortunately for Twilight and Luna the only table that was open was one that was occupied by a large talking snow leopard and a being who looked very wolfish. The two of them were apparently in the middle of a very important and very loud drinking contest. After ten minutes Luna couldn’t stand it so she did the only thing she could think of.
“Twilight go on, I’m going to drink these to under the table and I’ll find you latter.” Twilight looked at Luna in confusion, but nodded her head.
“Are you sure about that Luna, I’ve heard you’re a lightweight!” shouted the snow leopard looking up from the bowl of beer in front of him.
“Bring it on Tharaman!” Luna shouted back giving Twilight a wink before heading over to the table and grabbing a mug in her magic and proceeding to drain it.
“Looks like we’ve got some competition Grishmak!” the Leopard shouted and pushed her another mug, Twilight walked away before she saw much more shaking her head. That’s when she noticed that her friends were all sitting at a table smiling at her.
“Well it’s about time that you noticed us darling.” Rarity told her in mock annoyance.
“Wait I knew that Dash knew but when did you learn about this place?” Twilight asked in confusion.
“Twi we’ve been coming here for a lot longer then you have.” Dash told her “But like I said last time, you weren’t ready before.” Twilight looked at them crossly before breaking into a smile.
“So Twilight how was yer week with Princess Luna?” AJ asked her.
“It was good, we’ve got a lot in common, and even Celestia doesn’t have as much of an imagination as she does.” AJ sighed and turned to Rarity.
“What Apple Jack means Twilight is how was your week in bed with the Princess?” Twilight blushed and stuttered.
“I…can’t…talk…about…it” Surprisingly it was Fluttershy who pressed the issue.
“Twilight if anypony has a right to be nervous about something it’s me, now please tell us, we’ve been waiting all week to hear.” Fluttershy looked at Twilight and stared into her eyes.
“Alright alright I’ll tell you!” Twilight told them after she broke eye contact with Fluttershy.
***
Pinkie has noticed that her friends were all sitting together and wondered if she should go and join them, before throwing the thought away, she had a party to run. As she walked around the house checking in on everyone she came across Alex Rider and his date Sabina, the two seemed to be enjoying each other’s company so Pinkie left them alone. In another part of the house she found Danny Phantom talking to his girlfriend Sam.
“Hi guys are you enjoying the party?” Pinkie asked excitedly.
“Yeah it’s great, thanks for inviting us Pinkie!” Danny told her.
“I can even get super vegetarian food here!” Sam said causing Danny to roll his eyes, Pinkie left them alone. She noticed Commander Shepard sitting with Garrus at the bar, as she passed she overheard them talking.
“Shepard we really should go back, we have a battle to fight.” Garrus told Shepard.
“Yeah I know, I just feel like relaxing for now though.” Shepard replied, Garrus sighed and ordered another brandy. Pinkie kept on walking until she noticed two young wizards talking.
“You know Kit there are multidimensional parties, then there are Pinkie’s multidimensional parties!” said one to the other.
“Remember Nita we aren’t here to party, we’re here to make sure that your sister doesn’t set of an interdimensional incident, although yeah Pinkie throws a mean party.” Replied the other
“Thanks you two!” Pinkie called as she walked past them, they exchanged amused looks. The next two that she saw were two of her regulars, one was a man with stylish sunglasses and black hair and the other looked slightly like a librarian with extremely white hair.
“Hi Crowley hi Aziraphale!” she called to them.
“Hello Pinkie, not to bother you but don’t you think that there might be a little too much pink in the room?” Aziraphale the white haired man asked Pinkie politely with an amused look on his face.
“Nope there’s just enough pink, it inspires love and keeps fights from breaking out.” Pinkie told the angel who sighed.
“Don’t worry about Aziraphale; he’s just uncomfortable with huge orgy going on upstairs, goes against his angelic sense.” Crowley told Pinkie in a mock whisper, his lizard like eyes peeking out from behind his shades; he was a demon after all. Pinkie changed the subject.
“So how’s the Anti Christ doing?”
“He seems content to grow up like a normal well adjusted human being. Hell and Heaven are understandably put out by this, but I don’t think that they can do anything about it.” Aziraphale told her rolling his eyes so did Crowley; neither really liked their respective bosses. Pinkie waved goodbye to the two and made her way over to another pair of regulars. They were an unlikely pair for interdimensional super heroes but the two comedians had definitely earned their right to the title.
“Hi John hi Colbert, how are you?” Pinkie said to the two who looked down at Pinkie in bemused surprise.
“Hey there Pinkie, when did you get here?” John asked her taking his hand off of his bat.
“Oh I just got here, I’ve been talking to everyone here and I noticed you two over here and I decided that I hadn’t seen you in a while so I should come over and say hi, so Stephen how’s your phoenix?” Pinkie asked.
“She’s doing fine Pinkie, she’s getting bigger and more powerful every week, I barely need to think to be able to fly these days.” Replied Stephen with a smile, Pinkie bounced up and down in place for a few seconds before she said.
“Alright I’ve got to go I think the party is almost over and I need to make sure that everybody gets out alright.” She waved at the two and set off to find Haskill.
***
“I, hic, told you I’d, hic, drink them under the table Twili, hic, light” Luna said as she stumbled over to the table that Twilight and her friends were sitting at, Twilight facehoofed hard. Suddenly there was some commotion coming from the stairs. Everybody in the room turned to look, there in the doorway stood Eragon, his hair messy his face red and his clothes were put on badly. At his side stood Arya, who was in an almost equal state of disrepair, the room stared at them waiting in silence for the announcement. Slowly Eragon brought his fist up and after a moment’s pause pointed his thumb up while a smile spread across his face. The room let out a cheer and the crowd threw the two onto their shoulders and paraded them around the room.
“Well that’s finally done with.” Haskill remarked to no one in particular.
AN
Ok so how many people did I fool with that opening?
Four
Oh and guys a game of Thrones spoiler for you, if you haven’t read A Dance With Dragons yet I advise you to read with care
“Twilight we may have a… erm minor problem.” Luna said as she walked into the main room of her housing complex within the Canterlot Palace. Twilight looked up from her meal in surprise.
“What is it Luna?” She asked uncertainly.
“Well you know that your friend Fluttershy writes clop fic novels don’t you?” Luna asked her.
“Fluttershy does what?!” Twilight asked in uncomprehending slack jawed amazement, Luna nodded.
“Yes she’s one of the most well known clop writers in all of Equestria, with all the books that you read I’m surprised that you haven’t heard of her.” Luna said arching an eyebrow and making Twilight blush deeply.
“I…would never read smut Luna” Twilight stuttered out.
“Well apparently when your friends wanted you to talk to them about your sex life with me…actually just look.” Luna placed a book on the table in front of Twilight, who did a spit take at the image adorning the cover.
“Is that you and me kissing on your bed?” Twilight asked, Luna nodded before she flipped through the book to an appropriate page and held it up for Twilight to see. “…and then she stuck her tongue inside…who then reared back in ecstasy…and then she shoved it in… By Celestia I’m going to kill her!” Twilight yelled throwing the book aside, Luna started to snicker. “What’s so funny Luna, doesn’t this make you angry?!” Twilight asked the alicorn.
“Twilight the people of our kingdom thrive on smut, it keeps them entertained to fantasize about what they can’t have and Fluttershy makes a good living off of it.” Luna said trying to placate her partner.
“This is still a major violation of my trust!” Twilight told her in outrage Luna looked at her hard for a few seconds.
“Yes Twilight, yes it was, but you freely gave out the information to your friends and you never told them to keep it secret so they could do with it what they wanted. Besides it’s good for the populace to actually be hearing true rumors about your sex life for once.”
“What do you mean by ‘true’ Luna?” Twilight’s voice was deadly calm
“Well usually it’s stories about you and Celestia, or Pinkie, or Dash, or Apple Jack, or Rarity, or occasionally Fluttershy, and every once in a while there’s one about you and Spike.” Twilight’s face had drained of all its blood; she looked like she was ready to kill.
“Luna, could you please explain to me why everypony in Equestria is so interested about my sex life?” Twilight asked Luna each word coming out like she was trying to avoid strangling something.
“It has something to do with the fact that you’re a hero to the populace who know you as the Element of magic who has saved the land from never ending evil twice and weekly saves the town of Ponyville.” Luna told her a small smile of pride creeping over her face, Twilight was stunned.
“Ponies look up to me?” she asked in astonishment Luna sighed, her marefriend could be so obtuse.
“Twilight let me put this another way, There’s Celestia, There’s me, there’s you, and then there’s every other pony in Equestria. That’s the way that the common pony sees you, you should be honored and happy with the fact that your friend reserved the right to write about you.”
“Wait so only Fluttershy is allowed to write about me having sex with my closest friends?” Luna nodded
“Normally we don’t allow that kind of thing in Equestria; ponies usually don’t like outright bans on what they can and can’t do, but because she knew how you would react Celestia passed an edict so that only your friends could write about you.” Twilight sighed.
“I’m still going to talk to her about it tonight at the party.” Twilight told Luna sounding the tiniest bit defeated.
“I think that that would be a good idea, just remind me to be around, it should be good.” Twilight glared at her, Luna smiled.
***
The music was thumping, the guests were enjoying themselves, and Pinkie had just finished Fluttershy’s latest novel. She had just spied Twilight and Luna walking up the walk towards the house and had to suppress a giggle, judging from the look on her face Twilight knew why she was giggling. Pinkie suppressed her inner laughter so that it was down to manageable levels as Twilight got closer.
“Hi Twilight you ready to party!” Pinkie asked her trying to keep Twilight’s attention from the fact that inside she was doubled over with laughter. Twilight gave her a death glare and stepped past her without a word; Luna shook her head and said.
“Trust me Pinkie she is, first though she needs to attempt not to kill Fluttershy, let’s watch this is going to be good.” Pinkie smiled and nodded her head enthusiastically.
“Haskill watch the door for me.”
“Of course Madam.” Haskill said rolling his eyes, Luna and Pinkie followed Twilight over to the table where Fluttershy was sitting along with the rest of Twilight’s friends. Fluttershy looked up to see Twilight approaching rapidly.
“Oh feathers.” She swore quietly as she noted the enraged expression on Twilight’s face. “Now Twilight do calm down I have to make a living somehow don’t I?” Fluttershy asked her voice pleading Twilight smiled at her and one of her eyes twitched.
“Fluttershy I have no problem with you making a living off of imagining me having sex with our friends, I’m actually flattered. What I do have a problem with however is you publishing things that I actually told you without my knowing.” Fluttershy was surprised, so was the rest of the table.
“Wait so you don’t have a problem with any of the others?” Fluttershy asked, Twilight shook her head.
“Except for the stuff about me and Spike, that’s just nasty.” Fluttershy blushed
“Sorry about that, my publisher made me, he said something about a periphery demographic that I was reaching.” Twilight shrugged
“Anyways I just wanted you to know that I’m ok with you writing this stuff, but please ask me before you publish something that I actually told you about, ok?” Fluttershy nodded “Then let’s party!” Twilight cried reaching for a drink, Pinkie looked quizzically at Luna.
“It thought you said it was going to be good.” She said
“It was, Twilight overcame her anger at her friend and now it’s time to party.” Pinkie regarded her levelly before she said.
“Luna you’ve been around Celestia to much if that’s your definition of ‘this is going to be good’.” She then turned around and began to walk to the door, Haskill lifted an eyebrow sardonically. “Oh shut up.” Pinkie muttered. Then Pinkie saw a situation starting to form between the Teen Titans and the newer group Young Justice “I had better go and keep that from getting out of hoof.” Pinkie told Haskill who nodded.
“Best of luck to you Madam.” The main problem seemed to be over table placement, the Titans were used to sitting at one table and Justice had inadvertently sat at it.
“Get out of our spot you punks!” Cyborg shouted at them in outrage
“Your spot, we were here first!”Kid Flash exclaimed, Cyborg’s Robin tried to restrain him but Cyborg wasn’t about to let a slight to his honor go so easily.
“What did you just say to me?!” Cyborg growled in anger.
“I said that we were here first.” Kid Flash responded his voice growing angry.
“If they say that it is there table perhaps we should leave.” Aqualad said laying a hand on KF’s shoulder, KF shrugged it off.
“If robot boy wants to fight over it I’m game.” KF said getting up from the table.
“Wally you’re being an idiot, sit down.” Artemis said pulling him back into his seat. Given the rate that the confrontation was progressing Pinkie decided that it would probably be more fun to watch then it would be to surpress.
“Yeah ‘Wally’ sit down, what’s the matter kid going to let the little birdie talk to you like that?” Cyborg asked KF mockingly, faster than he could see Artemis was on her feet with her bow out and an arrow drawn.
“You really don’t want to do that lug nut.” She said warningly. Suddenly Titian’s Robin shouted.
“Enough! Cyborg I’m not sure what’s gotten into you today but I don’t like it, if they were here first then they were here first, end of story!”
“But Robin that little redhead insulted me, and so did the chick with the bow.” Before Cyborg could say anything else he was encompassed in a black aura and forced to hover in place.
“I think that’s about all I can stand” Said Raven as she held Cyborg in her magical grasp.
“Azarathan magic, cool.” Said Zatanna noticing Raven’s power “I’m sdrawkcab reklat myself but I’ve heard of your people’s magic.”
“Interesting I haven’t met a fellow magician in a long time.” Raven said Cyborg had decided to settle for pouting to Beastboy who was mostly ignoring him.
“Thanks for keeping things under control other me.” Justice’s Robin said to Titan’s Robin who shrugged.
“No big deal, Cyborg’s been weird lately this is the fifth time I’ve had to do something like this.”
“Robin are we going to get pizza now?” Starfire asked Robin looking over the buffet in hope; Beastboy was at this point already there.
“Sure Star go ahead I’ll get some in a minute.” Robin told her, she flew off happily, Pinkie walked up from behind and asked.
“You wouldn’t happen to want another table over here would you, that way you can all talk together and we won’t have to worry about any brawls breaking out?” Both Robins nodded, after she saw to it that the arrangements had been made Pinkie hopped away leaving the two teams to intermix.
“How did it go Ma’am?” Haskill inquired once she got back to her spot at the door.
“Well it seems like they’re going to be getting along, oh hello Soren, sorry that I didn’t see you there.” Pinkie said to the barn owl who was flapping his wings in front of her.
“Don’t mention it Pinkie, the Band’s on break from saving the Tree so I figured that the four of us would stop in here for a good vole and some interesting conversation.” The owl replied as he flew in, followed by three others. Twilight was making rounds stopping off at random tables to chat with people that she knew. She’d already seen Link whose partnership with Navi was going well again thanks to her pep talk. Twilight had also finally managed to meet the illusive Littlepip who had been sitting at a table with Velvet, Calamity, and another mare named Homage. Littlepip had gotten a sad expression on her face when Twilight introduced herself, but other than that she had seemed like a perfectly nice, if somewhat troubled looking mare.
Pinkie was surprised by the next group of arrivals, mostly because all of the humans were dead already.
“John, Robb, Ygritte, I’m surprised to see you here.” Pinkie said as she met the three plus two large wolves.
“I wish I wasn’t here, but it’s too late to change that now, I’m here to relax, and to spend some quality time with Ygritte.” John said with a small sad smile on his face, Pinkie nodded solemnly as the five passed by, even Haskill didn’t remark. When they passed Pinkie let out a sad sigh.
“I hate it when we get parties of completely dead people; they always make me so sad.” She said softly, Haskill nodded sagely.
“Do not pity the dead Pinkie, they’ve moved on.” Then the atmosphere of the party returned to normal and Pinkie shook off her blues enough to walk around the floor. In the back corner of the room she noticed the shape of Katniss Everdeen sitting at a table alone drinking a glass of gin.
“Hi Katniss, how’re you feeling?” Pinkie asked the woman.
“I’m good Pinkie, or at least I’ve recovered from all of the stress, and Peeta and I are doing better than before. Hell even the mental scarring has started to heal at this point.” Pinkie nodded happily.
“I’m happy Katniss, if anyone deserves a happy ending it’s you.” Pinkie wandered away, a little while later and she found an elf and a dwarf having a drinking game.
“Have you given up yet Gimli, I can keep going?”
“Confound it elf I have no idea how you built up such a tolerance, but I swear that on this day I Gimli son of Gloin will defeat you in this game!” Gimli said this as he drank another shot most of which ended up on his beard, several shots latter he was out like a light, Pinkie walked up behind Legolas and asked.
“He does know that you’re essentially immune to alcohol right?” Legolas put a finger to his lips in the sign of silence.
“No but it is good for him to try and obtain the unobtainable, plus it’s fun for both of us.” The elf answered with a slight grin spreading to his face.
“Ok but make sure that he’s ok afterwards.” The party continued for several hours but eventually Twilight had had to call it quits, she was just too drunk to trust herself not to accidentally set off some kind of high power spell that might destroy the house. She staggered over to where Luna was standing talking to a couple of beings who looked extremely powerful, but thanks to her current state she couldn’t make out any specifics.
“Ok Luna…I think it’s…time to go.” Twilight slurred, Luna looked down at her with a concerned expression on her face.
“Are you ok Twilight, you look positively wasted?”
“That’s how I feel, can we go please?” Luna said goodbye to the beings who she was talking to and began to walk Twilight out of the house, Pinkie waved after them before they both vanished in a flash.
AN
Ok first off I hope I didn’t piss off any Titans fans with my portrayal of Cyborg, none of the others on the team could have done it. Second off Sorry for the shortness of this chapter in comparison to the others, I’m kinda out of ideas. This is why I’m happy to announce that I will be taking almost any requests, unless said characters have been requested to many times by the same person or I have no idea who they are. Have fun suggesting guys I hope for many good ideas and suggestions.
Five
Two months later
Twilight was excited; Pinkie had declared that things were going to get more interesting at the parties, something about contests. She walked out of the Ponyville library and headed for Everfree, along the way she was joined by Rarity and Fluttershy, AJ was busy on the farm and Dash hadn’t been seen all day. They arrived at the mansion to find it very different then it had before, instead of the stately whitewashed walls large steel plates rose up several hundred feet into the air. Windows looked out of the steel walls and from what Twilight could see the place was packed, Pinkie was waiting at the door talking with Luna and some man who was dressed in a tuxedo.
“Twilight you made it, I was getting worried for a minute or two there.” Luna said as Twilight drew closer. “We should hurry; I don’t want anyone to take our seats.” Twilight nodded and followed her marefriend inside after nodding to Pinkie.
“So Luna what’s going on I knew Pinkie said something about contests, but it looks more like a sports arena than anything else?” Twilight asked.
“She didn’t tell you? This is going to be a three part VS event, there are going to be several categories and the people who fit in those categories are either going to fight it out, or try and achieve the goal in less time than the others in the category.” Luna said while she wove her way through the crowded arena hallway.
“This doesn’t really seem like a party.” Twilight said sounding a bit disappointed.
“Don’t worry you can get drunk afterwards Twilight.” Luna said with a smile on her face.
“Um, Princess, if they’re the best in their appropriate field and they’re fighting each other won’t that cause a large amount of death?” Fluttershy asked looking around nervously.
“Yes, but that’s the good thing about this place, the only people that stay dead are the ones who Pinkie wants to, like that vampire who tried to get into the third party.” Luna answered cheerfully. After another ten minutes of walking they arrived at their seats, Luna must have been joking about losing them because they were inside a very well appointed modern glass enclosed skybox. Celestia was already there nibbling at a small cake that she held in her hoof, she nodded regally to all of them before returning her view back to the arena floor. Twilight was wondering how anypony could see anything from up here until she tried focusing on a spot and the glass in front of her zoomed in to provide her with a perfect view of what she was looking at.
“This room is appointed marvelously, so posh and yet stylish, the perfect combination of modern and old fashioned!” Rarity exclaimed looking around the room and taking in the interior with glee.
“Tia, do you know what event we’ll be watching first?” Luna asked her sister who nodded.
“Yes I talked to Pinkie and the first event scheduled is the Human Archery Competition.” Celestia answered easily as she scanned the crowd.
“Why it called the ‘Human Archery Competition’ instead of just the Archery Competition?” Fluttershy asked nervously.
“Because normal humans have no special abilities when it comes to archery this way they aren’t outclassed by people like elves, or centaurs who are natural archers.” Celestia answered.
“What’s after the archery?” Twilight asked Celestia .smiled.
“Then comes the Dragon Rider Fight, no magic allowed of course because that would devalue the whole thing but it should still be quite epic!” Celestia smiled with glee at the thought.
‘So that’s why this place is so tall” Twilight said looking up at the ceiling which was easily two thousand feet above where they’re box was located.
“Yes the box also slides up for better views of the action.” Luna said. Suddenly the lights of the arena went out and all talking ceased and anticipation began to gather, after several minutes of sitting in utter blackness a small spotlight circled the audience before coming to rest on the center of the arena. On a slowly raising dais sat Pinkie and Spike, Twilight did a spit take when she saw him. Spike was wearing a long black leather coat and his mustache had somehow come back, even Twilight had to admit he looked quite dashing.
“Ladies, Gentlemen, and Others, welcome to the first annual Pinkie Games. Tonight we will see feats of skill and strength sometimes beyond what anyone of you could have deemed imaginable. So without further ado let the games begin!” Spike yelled into the microphone causing the crowd to burst into insane applause.
“Wow, he’s gotten better at this.” Twilight said in wonder.
“Our first event is the Human Archery Competition, in this competition five of the best and most well known human archers in all of existence will fight it out for the title of top archer! Here are the rules each archer gets one quiver of ten arrows and a five minute time limit, they must hit as many of the rapidly moving bullseyes as possible within that time frame. Because this is a competition of pure skill only arrows who have hit the bullseye will be counted as point bearing targets. Now to introduce our contestants!” Five more spotlights lit the arena floor and five more daises rose each one carrying a contestant. “Our first challenger is known as Robin of Loxley, otherwise known as Robin Hood, and he would also like it to be known that unlike other Robin Hoods he can actually speak in a British accent!” A man in green tights bowed to the thunderous applause and laughter, Twilight was bewildered she didn’t get the joke but Luna was laughing along with the rest as was Celestia.
Robin stepped off the dais and the rest of the arena lights snapped back into existence temporally blinding the crowd, when they regained their vision they found Robin facing a large line of targets that ducked and weaved in and out of each other with minds of their own sometimes even spiraling into different directions or doing figure-eights. Robin turned away from the targets and gave the crowd a small smile before he pulled three arrows out of his quiver and let fly, two landed with soft thuds into their intended targets, unfortunately one went wide of its target. Robin shrugged and strung anther arrow and with careful precision let sent it flying dead center into another target.
“Four arrows down six to go folks.” Spike whispered into the mic so that only the people in the stands and the boxes could here. Robin hit five successful targets in quick succession, before pausing with the last one on his string; with a quick smile to the crowd he launched his arrow directly into the back of his first arrow where it plunged through and into the target. The crowd was in an uproar; Robin inclined his head to the crowd and jumped back onto his platform. “Well that was impressive folks, although he does get an extra half point for pure style he also missed a target which means that we are forced to award Robin only a 9.5.” Spike said apologetically. The crowd booed but Robin held up his hands to silence them and in a striking English accent he said.
“I accept the terms, after all I did miss one, and that is far from perfect.” There was some residual grumbling from the crowd but it eventually died away.
“Where this man comes from there is an old saying, ‘one riot one Ranger’ this man is the embodiment of that motto. During his young life this man has fought his way through several large scale wars, stopped the assassinations of kings, and even killed an evil overlord or two along the way. Ladies and Gentlemen I present Will Treaty!” Spike roared as a short man in a long camouflaged cloak carrying a massive longbow stepped off of his platform, there was a sense of enigma flowing around the man as he stepped up to the line. Twilight had the oddest feeling that she knew him from somewhere, and then it hit her.
“He’s Tug’s master, I met them at the first party that I attended!” She exclaimed, she was shushed by several of her friends but Luna nodded before turning back to the spectacle before them. Will drew his bow back before sending an arrow dead center into a spiraling target, his arrow head punched all the way through the target causing the crowd to gasp. He fired off another four with equal results, then with a slight smile on his face he turned his back to the targets before spinning around and sending an arrow into the center of another target which was completing a figure-eight, the crowd was deafening. He shot the rest of his arrows into their targets with ease except for the last one which he held onto just long enough to build tension. Then he launched it into the air in an incredibly high arc it looked like it would miss, but as it fell the target rushed to meet it, and the arrow sank deep into the bullseye.
“I can’t believe it folks; that was the most incredible feat of archery that I’ve ever seen that wasn’t done by a god of the hunt, 10.5 points for Will Treaty” Spike said into the microphone somehow managing to be heard over the roars of the crowd.
“How did he manage that?” Twilight asked no one in particular. From behind her a man in a similar cloak answered.
“He just watched for the repeating pattern and then timed the speed of the arrow’s fall, simple.” His voice was slightly scraggly but it was filled with warm pride.
“Halt, I was wondering if you would be joining us tonight.” Celestia said to the cloaked man.
“I wouldn’t miss it Princess, but let’s get back to the action, I want to see how the rest of them measure up to my former apprentice.” The next two archers who were called Green Arrow, and Edain the Aylward Archer, both achieved 9s much to their disappointment. The last one to go was a woman.
“Now it is my pleasure to introduce the woman who won the Hunger Games, led a rebellion, and still managed to have a better love story then Twilight, Katniss Everdeen the woman on fire!” Off of the last platform stepped a woman in a leather hunting outfit, which immediately burst into flames, the crowd ate it up once she was standing at the line the flames dissipated in a puff of smoke. Katniss drew back the bow and in a very professional way skewered her arrow into one of the targets. She repeated it for each target, not bothering with fancy tricks. When she was done Spike awarded her with 10 points, as Katniss stepped off the stage she, Will, and Robin were elevated above the arena floor where Spike awarded them with the appropriate colored medals. Will got gold, Katniss got silver, and Robin got bronze, they all waved to the crowd before vanishing in a puff of light. Will repapered inside Twilight’s box and embraced his former master who returned the embrace before saying.
“Your form was still sloppy, and you bet far too much on your ability to time the decent of the arrow.” Will just smiled and went to get a drink. Pinkie now approached the mic for the first time all evening.
“We have an announcement, unfortunately the Dragon Rider fight has been postponed till the end of tonight’s games.” The crowd booed “Instead we are hosting an arena match between two of the greatest soldiers in the galaxy…” the crowd quieted withholding judgment for the moment. “…Ladies and Gentlemen tonight I have the great present Master Chief VS Samus Aran!” the crowd went ballistic as A green armored man and a red armored woman stepped onto the arena floor which was quickly rearranging itself to provide a proper fighting place. Neither one was wearing a helmet; the red armored woman’s blonde hair was in a tight ponytail and she had a mature hardened face while the green armored man had short brown hair and a scarred battle worn face.
“Hello there John, are you ready to be taken down?” The woman asked with a smile on her face, her voice was being projected into the boxes through some unknown technology.
“What makes you think that you can take me?” the man asked her shrugging while he returned the smile.
“I’ve taken down a Spartan before.” The woman said, before Twilight had time to wonder who was who little names appeared above them that only she could see.
“I heard about that, I seem to remember something about her destroying an entire platoon of Covenant before she was ambushed by an unknown attacker, she then went on to help said attacker decimate the remaining Covenant in the area. Let’s see how well you do in a straight fight.” Chief’s smile got bigger and Samus growled something unintelligible in return.
“Now now save it for the fight you two.” Pinkie said hovering between them “Samus has all of her standard abilities unlocked; she managed to not lose them in some ridiculously coincidental accident on her way in. So Chief has full access to any of his weapons besides the Spartan Laser and may call upon them at any time during the match. The match will end when one of you is either dead or completely unconscious, remember if you do die then you will immediately be brought back so don’t worry too much. Ready begin!”
Both contestants but their helmets on and sprung at each other, a shotgun materialized into Chiefs hands and he opened up on Samus who managed to doge most of the shots and the ones she couldn’t were deflected off of her armor. Samus responded in kind peppering Chief with tiny shots from her arm cannon the few shots that made contact with Chief dissipated off of his shields in little flashes of light. Samus punched at Chief who dodged under the blow and punched her in the stomach sending her backwards into one of the concrete cover ledges. Thinking quickly Samus rolled into a ball and sped at Chief who rolled to the side barely avoiding the explosions of the mines that she’d placed as she sped past. As Chief was regaining his feet Samus jumped forwards towards the air heading Chief’s direction and landed a painful looking two footed kick which sent him spiraling across the arena and into the far wall. With the initial moves complete Chief shook off the concrete dust and saluted Samus who returned his salute, before a rocket launcher appeared in his other hand and he sent out a salvo of rockets all of which were aimed at Samus.
Samus ran forwards dodging the first two rockets as they detonated behind her and punched the other two rockets back at Chief who dodged first to the right and then to the let as they detonated behind him. Twilight had no idea that people could any of this but she sat in rapt attention as the fight continued to unfold. From under one hand Samus sent a whip-like beam of light at Chief who avoided it by effortlessly sidestepping, he inclined his head to Samus before several blue balls appeared in his hand. Samus sensing something was up charged Chief who jumped backwards while throwing the blue orbs at Samus as he went. She twisted to avoid several before one caught her on the arm and another one caught her in the chest, time seemed to stand still, then the spheres exploded in a blinding blue light.
Samus was sent flying backwards by the force of the blast as was Chief, once the dust cleared Chief regained his feet and turned to find Samus rising slowly to her feet; she shrugged her shoulders once and started to charge her arm cannon. Chief knew he was too far away to stop her from gaining a full charge so he pulled out a sniper rifle and began o shoot her in the head, unfortunately the shots bounced off causing minimal damage. Then Samus’s arm stopped glowing and she had a full charge, Chief threw the empty rifle and ran forward doing his best to offer as small of a target as possible. Samus waited until chief was with easy aiming distance before she started to line up her shot, she tracked the Spartan gauging his movements with her eyes until he walked right where she wanted him. With one last adjustment she shot the large ball of energy directly at where Chief would be, he saw it coming towards him growing larger as it came before finally activating his Armor Lock ability. Samus watched in disbelief as her shot dissipated off of Chief’s crouching form, she ran at him her light whip in hand hoping to kill him once he became vulnerable.
“That was a mistake.” Said Chief as he released the Armor Lock sending out the EMP discharge that accompanied it, it hit Samus in the air as she fell towards Chief her light extended for the kill. Her armor’s power supply drained before she knew what had happened and Chief cut into it with one easy cut of the energy sword that had appeared in his hand. The crowd held its breath, was Samus down? Slowly Samus staggered to her feet, her armor falling off in pieces as she regained her footing. She was dressed in a blue spandex suit and her blonde hair had come out of her ponytail, in her hand she held her light whip. A grim smile played across her face and she whipped a bead of sweat off her forehead.
“I’m not dead yet John.” Samus said mockingly, Twilight was astonished, how could she have survived that?
“Yet being the keyword.” Chief said before drawing a pistol and firing it at her head, Samus cocked her head so that the bullet passed right by her. Then Samus charged Chief her light whip taking the form of a short sword Chief jumped backwards to avoid the first swing, ducked under the second and parried the third with his energy sword. The dramatic crackle and burst of light that the meeting of the two energy weapons could have been heard in the booths without the aid of the speakers, the two spun and whirled their blades clashing together again and again resulting in flash after flash. Samus started to hover around Chief using her boots adding to the already impressive display of swordsmanship, Samus finally landed a glancing blow to Chief sending him crashing into a concrete pillar that rose up from the arena floor. The blow also sent his helmet flying off to another part of the arena; he spit out a tiny bit of blood and looked at Samus with a smile, to Twilight’s surprise he seemed to be enjoying himself.
They charged each other again both swinging their respective weapons with renewed fury, Chief gained a large cut to his left arm but shrugged it off as the piece of his armor fell to the ground. Sensing an opportunity Samus sped forward but was rewarded with a deep slash along her right leg for her effort. They smiled at each other again before Samus lashed out with her good leg catching Chief in the kneecap with enough force to shatter it and send him to his knees. Samus approached but kept her distance she hand and extended her light whip to an appropriate length and prepared to behead Chief.
“Any last words Chief?” She asked him kindly, Chief nodded and said.
“Yeah, you may want to look down.” Samus looked down incredulously; at her feet was an innocent little round object.
“SHI…” her curse was cut short by the following explosion.
“There you have it folks Master Chief is victorious!” Spike cried, to the thunderous roar of the crowd.
“That’s great now can somebody please heal me and bring her back to life now.” Chief asked, Pinkie nodded and immediately his wounds healed and Samus appeared in front of him completely fine.
“Ok folks we’re going to be taking a short intermission while we repair the damage that these two caused, but make sure you get back to your seats in time to catch the next round!” Spike said into the microphone.
“Luna, that was the most amazing, and terrifying, and mostly amazing thing that I’ve ever seen!” Twilight said as she walked back to get a snack from their buffet table.
“From what the program says we haven’t seen anything yet Twilight.” Luna said with a smile.
An
Six
“And we’re back ladies and gentlemen, after that last match I feel the need to let you relax a little with people who are smooth, cool, and in charge. In this match we’re going to be testing the abilities of three well known spies. Unfortunately James Bond himself was busy, so we’ll start our introductions with a man always known to hit his target Sterling Archer!” Spike yelled into the microphone, Twilight groaned at the pun but kept her eyes on one of the Arena floor. A man in a black turtleneck rose out of the ground on a small platform and looked over the audience with a raised eyebrow. “The other two contenders are both fairly young, but Pinkie and I feel that they have enough experience saving the world and stopping the threats of madmen to be considered for the honor of Best Spy, who isn’t named James. First allow me to introduce you to the girl responsible for saving her earth from multiple mad scientists and even an alien invasion, Kim Possible!” The next person to step on stage was a woman in what Twilight assumed to be her early twenties.
“Wait I have to fight a seventeen year old, you’ve got to be kidding me?” Archer asked Spike, Twilight winced; she still wasn’t very good at measuring age of humans.
“Oh please I fight better people then you every day.” Kim said apparently unfazed by his disrespect.
“You won’t be fighting each other until the last part of the match anyways, and trust me Archer she can pack a punch. On to our last contender…” Pinkie said turning to a third dais rising from the floor. A man who looked a little younger than Archer stepped off of it; he had blonde hair and a slight smile.
“He has taken on international terrorists and world destroying scientists since he was fourteen while he worked for MI6, Ladies and Gentlemen Alex Rider!” Spike said into the microphone, Alex waved to the crowd eliciting cries of support.
“Well this is going tons of fun; I didn’t even get a drink before this…” Archer said “Alright let me slaughter the two minors so I can go get a beer.” Alex and Kim exchanged glances; they knew who they’d be gunning for first.
“Well like Pinkie said your first two challenges won’t be fights in fact they’ll be fairly non-violent. Your first challenge is to get to the end of the hallway that has just appeared behind me in under ten minutes.” Spike said gesturing towards the now visible length of hallway. “The audience can see through the walls and ceiling, they can also see every one of the traps and that await you inside, death takes a point off of your overall score of course.” As Spike said it Twilight gasped, the interior of the hallway was filled with spike pits, rotating saw blades concealed behind false walls, and a grid of light beams that ran along the floor, the purpose of which Twilight couldn’t discern. Twilight noticed that another wall had appeared behind them effectively trapping them in the hallway
“Alright I’ll go first; my turtleneck will give me the edge.” Archer said stepping up to the line. He scanned the seemingly empty hallway with a cynical eye before reaching for the line launcher from his pocket. He looked for an appropriate spot to send the line and quickly found one, one end of the line shot into the opposite wall while the other end shot into the wall behind him. “Now this is going to be fun.” He murmured to himself as he pushed a button on the launcher and began to move rapidly down the hallway safely suspended from any dangers.
“Two minutes” Spike read “Although we were hoping to see more acrobatics in this round.” Archer shrugged; he figured no one could beat his time.
“I’m next then.” Kim said stepping up to the line; that was other part of Archer’s strategy; he’d managed not to trigger any traps so that his two competitors would have a much harder time. Kim crouched in an athletic position before moving forward with a quick initial bound. Twilight watched her heart in her throat as the girl ran, jumped, somersaulted, and flipped through the trapped filled hallway. She seemed to pick up on hidden clues along the way because she only sent off one trap which was a spike pit which she easily jumped over; she was barely out of breath when she crossed the finish line.
“Four minutes.” Spike told him after looking up from his watch. Archer raised his eyebrow at her and asked.
“You’re a cheerleader?” Kim nodded and replied.
“It helps me keep in form.” Archer nodded before turning his eyes to Alex
“Let’s see what the British kid can do.” Alex approached the line and sighed, he wasn’t great at time trials but he could do it when it counted. He stepped over the line and began the newest mad dash of his life; he also managed to set off every trap possible along the way. He ducked under saw blades, jumped over spike pits, and avoided the darts that shot out of the walls when he stepped into one of the beams of light at the end. Needless to say if he wasn’t essentially immortal here he never would have risked the path he chose, but time was of the essence.
“Six minutes, not bad for taking the suicide path.” Spike said marking something on a piece of paper. “The scores as of round one are Archer nine, Kim eight, and Alex six.” The room that they were standing in changed immediately. “For your next test we’ll assume that you were uncovered, you’ve been dragged into this room to be beaten to death by a gang of thugs. You will be blindfolded and gagged along being forced to your knees and having your hands handcuffed behind your back. Your goal is to escape the room, enemy causalities can be as high or as low as you would like, your only real condition is that you get it done in fifteen minutes. Archer because you had the best time on the last challenge you can go first.” Spike finished as the room around them filled with a black mist. When the mist cleared Spike, Pinkie, and the other two contestants were watching from behind sheet of a one way glass that offered a perfect view of the scene before them. Archer was indeed bound, gagged, and blindfolded with ten thugs standing around him, including one who held a baseball bat.
“Luna, how can they expect anypony to get out of that?” Twilight asked her marefriend who was sitting next to her, Luna held up a hoof for silence. Archer’s hands fiddled with the hand cuffs for around twenty seconds before he had them off, before any of the thugs knew what was happening he had the blindfold off as well. Three of the thugs charged him head on, Archer swayed to the side and broke the first one’s neck as he passed with a quick karate chop, the second pulled up in time for Archer to lash out with a savage kick to the man’s groin and as he fell to the ground gasping in pain Archer grabbed the last man’s arm as it shot towards his head and snapped it upward.
“I’m on a rampage!” he said calmly as two more mooks charged him, with a flick of his wrist he sent the man who’s arm he’d broken flying into the new threats before ducking under the blow of the man who he had kicked in the groin. “You know my day was going pretty well till now all things considered…” He said to one of the henchmen as he smashed his head into the floor “…I was surrounded by beautiful women…” another two henchmen went down as he punched the first in the mouth, and the second one in the nose “…and I was just about to get a drink, when I find out that I can’t compete unless I’m sober…” he kneed a mook in the face after he’d punched his fist deep into the mook’s stomach. Twilight heard the sound of teeth breaking, and almost looked away, but the action was so interesting she couldn’t help but watch. Soon the only mook left conscious or alive in the room was the one holding the baseball bat who approached Archer slowly holding the bat at the ready, before he could do anything however Archer shot him in the face with a gun that he’d pulled out of his pants. “I swear I had something for this” he said to himself the entire process had taken five minutes. He walked over to the thug with the baseball bat and searched his pocket’s quickly revealing the key to the door at the other end of the room. He pushed the key into the lock and stepped through the door.
“Five minutes thirty seconds, well done Archer, I especially liked the running commentary you added.” Spike said appearing in front of Archer “But where did you get the gun?”
“I never leave home without my underwear gun; you never know when the girls that you just hired will turn out to be double agents.” Archer said with a slight smile, Kim shivered visibly disgusted.
“Maybe after this is over…” Archer said fixing her with a smile.
“I’m already spoken for thanks.” Kim said crisply “And aren’t I a little young for you?”
“Are you legal?” Archer replied; Kim glared at him refusing to answer “I’ll take that as a yes, look me up if you’re ever in my dimension.”
“Ok moving on...” Spike said breaking it up before Kim could clock him. “Kim you’re up next.” Kim nodded and the mist returned before she too found herself on her knees surrounded by mooks. Thinking quickly Kim picked the lock of the cuffs with a hairpin that she’d been saving for the purpose and leaped to her feet. The mooks charged her all together now, weaving in and out of the random thugs Kim uppercuted a guard in the face before lashing out with her fists and bringing another to the floor. Moving quickly Kim knocked out the baseball bat wielder with a well timed sucker punch followed by a knee to the head; she then quickly grabbed the keys and made her escape from the room. “Wow Kim three minutes two seconds you beat Archer’s time by a lot!” Spike told her shaking her hand with his small clawed one, the crowd was staying silent for this match, Twilight didn’t know why, but a hush had descended upon them.
Alex stepped forward and yet again the room was filled with the mist, when it cleared Alex was in the same position the other two had started in. With the same ease that the others had managed Alex picked the lock on his handcuffs, Twilight assumed it was a spy thing. The guards looked at him before two smiled evilly and advanced slowly towards him their steps measured and solid. Without warning one of the henchmen swung his leg out violently towards Alex’s head, Alex dodged the blow and closed on his attacker rapidly. He swayed around a punch before slamming his own fist into the enemy’s chest sending him stumbling backwards. Alex followed up with a strong kick to the henchmen’s face, displacing several teeth; the other mook looked a bit more worried after this but came in swinging. Alex stopped the thug’s fist inches away from his face before he ducked underneath it and riddled the thug’s chest with punches. The rest of the fight went much quicker the mooks were apparently angry at Alex for taking down the first two and it showed, he slid around their fists and kicks with a calm grace, his mind calmly predicting each move as it was made against him and responding in kind. Kim was almost speechless and Archer let out a low whistle, even he admired fighting skills like that especially in someone so young. The final guard to fall was the baseball bat wielder whose head hit the ground with a thud. Alex exited the room in just under six minutes.
“The score for that round is Kim nine, Archer eight, and Alex seven and a half.” Spike announced to the crowd who were still oddly muted.
“Luna, should I still be holding my breath?” Twilight asked Luna quietly as she exhaled.
“No, but this is an interesting match, not as action packed as the last one, but it’s more subtle and thus just as engrossing.” Luna whispered back. The current arena floor disappeared and was replaced by a boxing ring lined off with thick ropes.
“For this final section of the match you will be required to fight without the assistance of any of your gadgets, weapons, or other assorted doodads. Any use of such items will have you booted, please empty whatever you’re equipped with into this plastic box, all will be returned once the match is over.” Spike told the three, they nodded and began the long process of relinquishing everything that they’d brought with them. All in all it took around fifteen minutes before they’d emptied their pockets completely of guns, gadgets, and other assorted items, throughout it those fifteen minutes the crowd somehow managed to remain silent. “Because they’ve both won their matches Kim and Archer have the right to choose who they want to fight first.” Spike said after clearing his throat.
“Him.” Said Archer pointing at Alex immediately, drawing shocked glances from Spike Alex and Kim.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why choose him?” Kim asked uncertainly, Alex looked just as confused.
“Because Princess he’s more dangerous then you are, I’d rather knock him out of this fight early on then take you on.” Archer said there was an odd note of respect that sounded slightly out of character for Archer as he looked at Alex.
“We have our first match” Spike said as the two men approached each other from opposite sides of the ring. Archer struck first, a strong right hook, Alex blocked it easily with his left hand before he kicked Archer in the chest. Archer took a step back, but came forward again no worse for wear; a small smile flickered across his face. Alex stepped forward and with a confidant smile on his face he started a short barrage of punches and kicks trying to break through Archer’s defenses. Archer blocked each and every punch before catching the final kick and sending Alex into the ropes along the edge of the ring. Alex got to his feat and rubbed a trickle of blood away from his nose.
“You’re good.” Alex told Archer evenly as he approached again.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time, speaking of which how old are you?” Archer asked Alex as he slipped through Alex’s guard and sent him flying backwards with an uppercut.
“I’m seventeen.” Alex said as he painfully got back to his feet, Alex feinted a right hook and followed up with a low kick with his left foot. Archer deflected the punch and took the full brunt of the kick effortlessly, he countered with a vicious punch to Alex’s jaw, and Twilight heard Alex’s teeth clack together, she winced.
“Luna is this necessary? He obviously can’t fight Archer!” Twilight asked Luna in a concerned whisper.
“Twilight once something like this is begun it cannot be ended by simply giving up, it would dishonor both Alex and Archer to do so now, this is a custom that I’m all too familiar with.” Luna whispered back to Twilight “Besides they’re men you can’t talk them out of something like this.” Alex rushed Archer all of his other plans had failed and he was out of other ideas. Archer sidestepped and tripped Alex as he was running fast before Alex could get up from the floor Archer slashed his foot out and brought it down hard on Alex’s neck. With a sickening crunch Alex’s body lay still at Archer’s feet.
“Winner Archer, prepare for the final match.” Spike intoned into the microphone as Alex rejoined the land of the living with a shocked jump.
“You’re going down hard Archer!” Kim told him with quite venom in her voice.
“I can’t take you seriously, so let’s just skip the prefight name calling ok?” Archer asked her as they circled each other wearily. Kim jumped forward and lashed at Archer’s head with her fist. Archer ducked under the blow before sucker punching Kim sending her staggering backwards. “I’m going to guess that you’ve never been trained to kill have you?” Archer asked her as he blocked another two punches.
“No I haven’t…” Kim responded as she spun sideways and kicked Archer’s legs out from under him “…Then again I don’t need to too take down guys like you!” Archer started laughing as he got easily to his feet.
“You really think so don’t you; you’re one of those little goody two shoes who think that you can stop any threat without killing, people like you always make my day.” Archer said as he caught her with a punch to the stomach.
“People with no respect for human life make me sick.” Kim responded punching Archer in the jaw and temporarily staggering him. “People like you are the reason that I became a spy in the first place.”
“I’m a spy to you idiot, I save lives all the time, I just happen to get laid more then you.” Archer replied while he broke through Kim’s guard with a fierce kick and flowed through with a headbutt and then a left hook to the face. Kim went down heavily, completely out cold. “This is why we get ants.” Archer said gesturing towards Kim’s prostrate body
“The winner is Archer!” Spike shouted, to Twilight’s amazement most of the arena erupted into applause. Archer held out his hand and a full wine glass appeared in it, he took a sip before vanishing back into the arena floor. From the other side of the room Twilight heard the blonde man who had come in quietly earlier crying softly.
“Are you ok?” Twilight asked the man compassionately, he looked up and met her look and his features softened.
“Yeah, that’s the first time KP’s ever really lost, and that man didn’t deserve to win!” he said passionately, from behind him Kim appeared and caught the man in a hug.
“Hey Ron, how bad did it look up here?” she asked him, her voice cracked a little in the middle.
“Up until the end you were amazing Kim, that stupid, arrogant son of a bitch had no right to beat you!”
“Ron I got beat, plain and simple, we just weren’t in the same league.” Kim shushed him.
“Yeah I know I still feel like you should have kicked his ass.” Ron sighed.
“Live and learn Ron live and learn, although if I ever see him again I’m going to slug him” Kim said shrugging.
“We will have a short intermission before our last event tonight, the Dragon Rider’s Challenge.” Spike said into the microphone.
AN
Sorry guys Archer is far more experienced and is absolutely ruthless. Also sorry for putting off the dragon riders fight which should hopefully be awesome enough to top the Chief vs. Samus
The Stadium was silent as the spotlight once more made its way to the middle of the floor, Spike and Pinkie’s dais rose up out of the floor of the arena until it started to literally float.
“Ladies and Gentlemen now is the time for tonight’s last fight and boy is it a doozy!” Spike said into the mic.
“You’re right about that Spike, we’ve looked for some of the most talented dragon riders that there are, or at least that we’ve heard of and gathered them here tonight to shed each other’s blood. It’s all in good fun of course and no one will actually die, but you already know that so let’s get this thing started!” Pinkie said into the mic to the loud roar of the crowd.
“The rules of this fight are simple, it is a free for all in which any dragon my attack any other dragon or rider. All natural abilities except magic are allowed which include all forms of elemental breath, shouts with the exception of dragonrend, and armor. Now let’s begin with introductions.” Spike said with a flourish of his hands “Our first master of aerial combat is a man by the name of Lord Hal Kailas; he’s been a soldier for most all of his life during which time he led a large company of dragonriders in defense of his country. He and a small group of riders pushed back an assault on their world by an army of demons who had previously destroyed a advanced magical civilization.
His dragon Storm has seen just as much action as he has and has established a firm mental link to his master which he exploits to give them the edge over other riders.” The arena seemed to stretch itself even wider then it had been as a monstrous brown dragon emerged from a large gap that had appeared, on its neck sat a handsome blonde man wearing silver chainmail armor with a sword at his hip and an intricate crossbow strapped across his back. The certain members of crowd gave them a standing ovation while the majority of them just looked confused; Twilight gathered that Hal wasn’t very famous but those that did know him loved him.
“Our next challenger has seen some very worrisome accusations against his name and his honor, the most worrying being the accusation that he is an amoral Marty Stu. Today he is here to attempt to prove the multiverse otherwise, ladies and gentlemen Eragon Kingkiller, and his dragon Saphira Brightscales.” Pinkie announced, the crowd’s reaction was mixed. Some gave him hesitant applause, while others booed.
“Luna, why are people booing him?” Twilight asked her mare friend who chuckled slightly.
“Some people see him as a self entitled brat; others see him as an inhuman monster who only claims to fight for good. I personally see him as an ill defined character who can’t make up his mind about what he is.” Twilight looked at the man sitting atop the blue dragon thinking about what Luna had said as she watched the man take the boos with good grace although she could tell that he was frustrated. He was blonde and tall but he looked slightly elf like at least compared to other humans that Twilight had seen, he had a sword across his back and he was covered from head to toe in blue armor.
“Our next to contestants hail from England during the Napoleonic Wars. Captain William Laurence was a naval captain who captured an enemy vessel inside the cargo hold he discovered a dragon egg. Laurence and Temeraire are combat veterans of hundreds of battles and have saved their country many many times. Besides just being a war hero Laurence went to great personal risks to prevent the deaths of thousands of dragons across his world even though it was highly treasonous for him to do so. Temeraire for his part is a member of the Chinese royal family being one of the few remaining Celestials alive. Temeraire has an extremely well developed of morality along with being intelligent enough to solve upper level physics problems in his spare time.” Spike said as an enormous almost serpent like black scaled dragon rose out of the arena floor. On his neck rode a slightly disgruntled looking Englishman wearing a large red coat, he had a sword strapped to his hip and several pistols sticking out of his coat at various points. The crowd cheered loudly, Laurence looked embarrassed but Temeraire was looking around at th/e stadium with awe in his blue slit eyes.
“Our last contenders are more a marriage of convince more than partners they are the Dovahkiin and his part time ally the dragon Odahviing. The Dovahkiin has stopped the destruction of his world, done the work of the gods, and fought innumerable foes.” The crowd apparently loved the Dovahkiin because when he and his dragon rose out of the ground they exploded into wild cheering. Most of the Dovahkiin’s features were obscured by his smooth black armor except for his head which was covered by a helmet that had two curling horns coming out of wither side. On his hip was a curved sword that looked matched his armor on his back sat a shield that also matched his armor. The dragon was large and grey with hints of black erupting over its scales, beside Twilight Luna sucked in an excited breath.
“They got the Dragonborn, I can’t believe it this is going to be amazing!” She whispered to Twilight, Twilight remained doubtful. If she was a betting mare she’d have put money on Hal and Storm, there was just something about the look on the man’s face that screamed intelligent and deadly.
“For this round the laws of physics have been asked to kindly ignore the arena so don’t worry, no matter how close it seems the combatants are to your box they’re actually in their own pocket dimension so you are in no danger.” Pinkie assured the crowd. “Now let’s get going, ready START!”
The four dragons shot into the air with Saphira going the highest before diving down at the competition; suddenly she was exploded backwards by a flash of light screaming in pain.
“Spike could you get us a recap of what just happened?” Pinkie asked her co-host, Spike nodded. A small screen appeared at the bottom left of Twilight’s viewport and it showed Hal firing a crossbow bolt directly into Saphira’ side, the bolt exploded.
“Now that is a powerful crossbow, I wonder Laurence could we get one, I’m sure we’d make Iskierka jealous?” Temeraire asked his rider as he twisted away from the claws of Odahviing.
“My dear I think we have bigger concerns at the moment!” Laurence replied as he parried a sword thrust form the Dragonborn. Eragon and Saphira had decided that Hal needed to be the first to die and were currently engaged in a brutal midair duel with Hal and Storm. Saphira flew directly at Storm her mouth open spewing blue flame, Storm rolled underneath her and inflicted several large slashes along her belly. Get back here you animal! Saphira screamed mentally, Storm honked something unintelligible in return.
“FUS RO DAH” Temeraire found himself pushed backwards by an unexpected wall of force, but he only chuckled. The skin around his neck bulged and he let out a great roar of his own, it slammed into the Dragonborn born and Odahviing sending them hurtling towards the ground with Temeraire diving in pursuit. When they were feet away from the ground the Dragonborn yelled “LOK VAH KOOR.” Instead of slamming into the ground the two became transparent and alighted gently on the ground. Temeraire pulled himself out of his dive and hovered in one place over them.
“That is a very neat trick!” Temeraire called to them.
“Thanks.” The Dragonborn called in a deep voice as they rose back into the air becoming tangible yet again. “I believe that a temporary alliance against the blue dragon would be beneficial to us both, do you except?” The Dragonborn called up to Laurence.
“I don’t see why not, but not backstabbing till they’re dead!” Laurence replied.
“Laurence, that doesn’t seem very fair.” Temeraire told his captain as they rose towards the intense battle taking place between Hal and Eragon as they exchanged sword thrusts.
“This is one of those cases where your sense of fairness needs to be suspended my dear.” Laurence told his dragon patting him on the neck. Saphira noticed the other two fighters rising towards her and let out a cry of challenge. Hal took the opportunity to try and slash Eragon across the chest with his sword causing the rider to flinch away from the blow. Odahviing charged upwards at Saphira and delivered a quick jet of flame which swept across her blue scales rapidly turning several black as Saphira roared in pain. Storm pulled away from Saphira giving the other two dragons room to fight effectively. I’m killing all of you. Saphira said mentally.
“It seems to me that that would be rather difficult and costly considering the circumstances that you find yourself in, but you’re welcome to try it.” Temeraire told her as he hovered in place above her before he dived down and slammed into her back with his claws extended. Eragon took his chance and leapt onto Temeraire’s back with unnatural grace and began to run straight at Laurence with his sword ready to slice through the Englishman. Laurence jumped out of his saddle and turned to face the approaching warrior with his sword in one hand and his pistol in the other. The wind was whipping fiercely in his face as Eragon charged the red coated man with brisingr held high.
He was in the process of wondering what the small metal object in Laurence’s hand was as it went off in his face. The projectile traveled far too fast for even his enhanced reflexes to counter and it hit him dead in the eye launching him backwards off of the black dragon’s back. Saphira roared in shared pain and dived to catch her falling rider but she was interrupted by an exploding bolt from Hal’s crossbow. Eragon hit the ground with a dull thud and splattered blood over the arena floor. Saphira fell out of the air seconds later much to the surprise of the others.
“That folks is the major disadvantage of having an empathetic link with another being and having your life tied to it.” Spike said over the following boom as Saphira hit the ground. Twilight jumped at the unexpected sound of her dragon calmly narrating the death of a member of his own species. Luna chuckled slightly and pulled Twilight closer. The six remaining combatants looked at each other realizing that now they were uneven, they each flew a fair distance away from one another before they all charged.
“VEN MUL RIIK!” Shouted Odahviing and a vast bank of mist surrounded them, thankfully the view screen allowed the crowd to see through the fog with ease. Odahviing angled up towards Storm who let out a startled honk as he saw the other dragon lunging out of the fog at him, Hal reacted quickly launching an exploding crossbow bolt into Odahviing’s chest blasting the beast back through the fog. Temeraire had smartly decided that it would be a better idea to get above the fog and wait out the contest. Odahviing came back for another pass at Storm and this time Storm rolled to the side and let Odahviing pass as he opened up deep cuts in Odahviing’s side. Odahviing was not the type to just take that so on his next pass he turned tightly and cut deeply into Storm’s back with his claws.
The two dragons ended up grappling in midair spinning downwards as each tried to inflict the most damage to the other dragon as possible. Hal had taken the opportunity to switch his crossbow ammo to armor piercing and was busy filling Odahviing’s throat with bolts.This time Odahviing hit the ground with an earth shattering crash as, the Dragonborn leapt off just in time to avoid getting crushed by his steed’s massive bulk. Storm screamed in triumph but it was a scream cut short by the Dragonborn.
“STRUN BAH QO!” A lance of lightning struck Storm directly in the head, sending him smashing into the ground. Hal stepped off his defeated dragon with his sword drawn and approached the Dragonborn in a fighting stance. The Dragonborn dipped his head in acknowledgment and stepped forward with his own sword extended. Hal charged the Dragonborn who raised his sword just in time to stop the downward cut and punched Hal in the chest with his free hand sending Hal stumbling backwards slightly but he quickly regained his footing. The Dragonborn took the opportunity to lunge forward and stab at Hal who barely brought his sword up in time to parry his opponent’s blade. They began to hack at each other mercilessly neither giving an inch until Hal made one mistake and the Dragonborn decapitated him. Temeraire who had watched all of this interestedly voiced a question that had occurred to Twilight as well.
“If the Dragonborn doesn’t have a dragon, how’s he going to come up here and fight us, we could go down to him but that doesn’t sound very exciting.” Laurence sighed; sometimes Temeraire could be a little too philosophical.
“It wouldn’t be a problem if you would just come a little lower; I’m used to fighting dragons on foot anyways.” The Dragonborn shouted up to him, Temeraire turned to look at Laurence for permission; Laurence nodded knowing that Temeraire wouldn’t have it any other way. Temeraire landed on the ground to let Laurence off before he leapt skyward and landed on the other side of the Dragonborn. “Would you care for another shouting match?” The Dragonborn asked Temeraire politely.
“I wouldn’t recommend it in your case; I occasionally use it for uprooting trees.” Temeraire told him just as politely.
“I can take it.” The Dragonborn replied confidently, Temeraire looked skeptical.
“The only reason that I can think of that you would want me to do that is so that it’ll give you an opening of some kind, I’d say that it’s in my best interests not to do it.” The Dragonborn shrugged and charged at Temeraire rapidly closing the distance between them. He jumped upwards aiming directly at Temeraire’s head. “I think not.” Temeraire said simply as his tail cracked into the Dragonborn sending him flying to the ground several feet away. “No offense but that was really very predictable.” Temeraire picked up the groaning Dragonborn by his shoulders and yanked his helmet off of hi head to reveal black hair and pointed ears that lay underneath before he threw the Dragonborn to Laurence who at this point felt rather bad about killing him.
“Miss Pinkie do I have to kill him, he put up a very good fight and it feels dishonest to kill a man when he’s lying down on his back like this?” Laurence asked Pinkie, Pinkie turned to the crowd and asked.
“Does he live?” Unsurprisingly the crowd roared its approval. “Well I guess that settles that.” Pinkie said as Laurence helped the dark elf to his feet.
“Thank you my friend.” The Dragonborn told Laurence grasping the other man’s hand in a firm shake.
“Any time, would you mind if I asked you your name.” Laurence asked the Dragonborn.
“Not at all it’s…” His voice was cut off by the roar of the crowd. After an hour or so of partying Luna led Twilight out of the arena.
“So what did you think my little pony?” Luna asked Twilight who at this point was rather tired.
“It was the most awful thing I’ve ever seen, but I loved every second of it.” Twilight responded tiredly, Luna just chuckled.
“I hope you aren’t too tired Twilight I have a lot planned for us tonight.” Twilight giggled as they walked through the departure portal.
AN
Sorry it took so long I’ve been distracted by stuff. Oh and I need people for the next group of matches. There’s going to be a magic one, a speed one, and a sword fighting one just for starters so any suggestions on fighters and characters would be awesome
Swords and Shields
Swords and Shields
Twilight walked side by side with Luna as they approached the arena which looked the same as it had the last time, except for banners depicting the winners of the last rounds. Slightly behind them walked Rainbow Dash and AJ. AJ let out a low whistle when she saw the colossal arena.
“Now that’s what ah call a stadium!” AJ said looking at it, Pinkie met us at the gates, although she seemed different. She was wearing the oddest looking armor that Twilight had ever seen, it looked like it was powered by steam. Two metal blades were connected to retractable chains that were attached to her forelimbs and several orbs lined her shoulders and back.
“Hi you must be this dimension’s Twilight, AJ, and Dash. I’m Pinkie Pie welcome to the games!” Pinkie Pie told us happily, Luna nodded and led us past her quickly.
“Luna would you tell me who that pony was and why she looked like Pinkie?” Twilight asked her marefriend.
“That was a Pinkie from another universe, I really hope that our Pinkie is careful about who she lets in. The last thing I need to worry about is cupcakes.” Luna said disparagingly.
“What do you mean by that Princess?” Dash asked Luna.
“I mean that there are some disturbing versions of all of us running around in the multiverse and I don’t particularly feel like running into any of them.” Luna replied “Let’s get to our box I’m sure Tia will have beaten us here but I want to avoid the rush.” They made their way through the stadium and passed a wide verity of different beings. As they passed a bar Luna stopped for a minute to talk to two roguish figures who were sipping bears at one of the outside tables.
“Han, Mal, it’s good to see you two, although I’m surprised you haven’t killed each other.” Luna told the two men with a smile.
“Well Mal and I tried, but after a few bar fights we learned that we have similar interest, most notably smuggling and bar fighting.” Han replied, Mal for his part nodded and cracked Luna a smile before asking.
“And how’ve you been Princess, I hope nothing to bad has happened in crazy magic pony land?” Luna chuckled.
“Everything has been going fine Mal; unfortunately we need to get to our box.” Luna said excusing herself from the conversation allowing the two friends to return to their drinks. When they got into the box they found Celestia waiting for them with a smug grin on her face. Sitting on her left were a serious looking man wearing grey leather armor. On his left sat a short woman with large glasses wearing white robes.
“You always take forever Lulu.” Celestia told her sister, who shrugged.
“I take my time Tia, which is more than you do from what I’ve heard.” Luna replied with a sly grin, Celestia just laughed and nodded for Luna to take the seat beside her. Twilight took the seat on Luna’s right, Dash and AJ sat next to her. Two men walked into the box in the midst of an argument. One man Twilight immediately recognized as Dumbledore, the other was dressed slightly like a cowboy.
“Dumbledore, Ebenezar I’m glad you could make it!” Celestia greeted them with surprising enthusiasm.
“Glad to be here Celestia, although I’m mostly here to see Hoss whip Potter.” Ebenezar said elbowing Dumbledore gently in the ribs.
“I wouldn’t count on that Ebenezar, Potter is smart and resourceful, and he’s done amazing things.” Dumbledore replied with a far off look in his eyes. Ebenezar shrugged and went over to get a bite to eat from the buffet table. “Twilight it’s good to see you when you aren’t dunk.” Dumbledore said turning to Twilight with a twinkle in his eye.
“I hope I didn’t do anything to stupid.” Twilight said while a deep blush crept over her face.
“Oh nothing too bad, although I believe you insulted Kratos.” Dumbledore replied.
“I DID WHAT, just how drunk was I?” Twilight asked in stunned surprise.
“If I’m not mistaken you told him that Celestia could kick his ass, and he had to be hauled away by several dozen of the strongest beings in the house.” Dumbledore told her.
“But I, but he could, why am I still alive?” Twilight asked Dumbledore.
“Luna came to your defense, along with Gandalf who told Kratos that he ‘SHALL NOT PASS’. Oh and I believe that I saw Master Chief and Ragnar Blackmane dragging him away.” Dumbledore said easily.
“Luna, why didn’t you tell me about this? What if I’d accidentally said something to him at another party and he’d decided to cut my head off?” Twilight asked her very guilty looking marefriend.
“It actually slipped my mind Twilight; I mostly remembered what happened after that anyways.” Luna said with a sly smile.
“Quiet you two the match is about to start!” Dash told them excitedly. Spike and Pinkie rose out of the stadium floor on their now familiar dais.
“Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the second night of the Pinkie games tonight we’re going to be starting you off with a round of sword fighting. There were many, many different master swordsmen out there so we couldn’t get them all to fight each other yet that’s being saved for the army events later. So we picked some of the best and most unique swordsmen we could find.” Spike told the crowd who had fallen into hushed silence.
“That’s right Spike, now our first swords master is literally timeless, he’s rid the world of evil to many times to count and has a kill count up in the hundreds of thousands. He’s fought dragons, giant birds, giant spiders, and giant black pigs. Give it up for Link the Hero of Time!” Pinkie yelled as a familiar green tunic wearing man rose up from the floor of the arena, the crowd went ballistic. Next to Link’s head hovered Navi the fairy.
“I had no idea that Link was so famous.” Twilight told Luna in surprise.
“He’s known just about everywhere, I’ve heard that there’s actually a video game series based off him in some universe.” Luna told her with a chuckle.
“Our next challenger walks with the Force and is renowned for his saber skills; his name is synonymous with freedom and good all throughout the multiverse. His name is Luke Skywalker, and no I’m not his father.” Spike said getting a loud chuckle from the audience who were watching the newest dais expectantly. The man who rose up was wearing a simple black outfit; at his hip was an odd metal device. The crowd roared its approval.
“Unfortunately your lightsaber has been modified so that it won’t cut through the other contestants’ swords, sorry Luke.” Pinkie told Luke apologetically, the man just shrugged. “It’ll retain any other abilities though.” Pinkie said with a smile.
“Who is he?” Twilight asked Luna, Celestia answered for her.
“He’s Luke Skywalker, he’s the founder of the new Jedi order and he brought an evil empire to its knees. Surprisingly he’s very compassionate and forgiving.”
“The next combatant is the current king of Gondor and led the Fellowship of the Ring, he really needs no other introduction ladies and gentlemen give it up for Aragorn son of Arathorn!” A serious looking dark haired man rose up on a dais wearing silver platemail armor with the insignia of a great white tree resting on his chest.
“He’s one to watch.” The man in the brown leathers sitting next to Celestia said quietly.
“That reminds me Alberich where’s Kantor? I miss his wit and was looking forward to seeing him again.” Celestia asked the man.
“He’s with that unicorn Shalkan off keeping him company so he doesn’t get lonely in his box alone sitting avoiding the rest of us none virgins.” The man in the leathers replied, Twilight noticed that his words had an odd syntax to them.
“I was almost certain that Kantor wasn’t one.” Luna said interestedly.
“He’s not, but Shalkan doesn’t seem to mind him for some reason.” Alberich replied with a shrug.
“Can you stop talking I want to hear this?” Dash said impatiently as the newest combatant was raised into the arena. Aragorn
“…learned from masters all over his world and is close personal friends with our archery champion Will Treaty, his name is Horace Altman!” The man on the dais had a friendly looking face and was dressed in platemail armor, at his side was a shield with an oak leaf. From behind her Twilight heard Will’s voice cheer along with two female voices, Twilight almost jumped in surprise. Will was wearing his trademark ranger’s cloak; the two women were both blondes although one was significantly taller than the other.
“Sorry I’m late Princess, I had to pick up Evanlyn and Alyss.” Will said politely, Celestia just shrugged and nodded to the three of them.
“Alright folks now that introductions are over let’s get this started, we’re going to be doing it tournament style. The first match is Link vs. Luke; the winner will fight either Aragorn or Horace depending on who wins.” Pinkie said while the dais detached itself from the floor and started to hover above the arena. Horace and Aragorn steeped onto a separate platform as the arena floor started to shift dramatically. The arena floor was replaced by a giant pit of lava with interspacing paths of rocks and metal platforms ran through it and creating a deadly maze of chance and uncertain footing.
“For the sake of making sure that you don’t die of the heat the lava has been bespelled so that it will only burn those who fall in, as for convection we’re letting just enough heat escape to keep it hot but not enough to kill you. So are you ready?” Spike asked the two men who were now standing on rocks maybe twenty feet away from each other, they nodded. “Then let the match begin!” Spike yelled. Luke unhooked the metal handle from his side and pressed a button, to Twilight’s surprise a glowing green tube of light emitted from it.
“What is that?” Twilight whispered to Luna.
“It’s called a lightsaber, it uses crystals to project light into a blade.” Luna replied quietly.
“That’s impossible!” Twilight whispered back, Luna rolled her eyes and turned back to the fight. Luke and Link were making their way towards a rock in the center of the arena. Luke moved with grace pulling off incredible acrobatic leaps, while Link made his way with far smaller concentrated bounds. They arrived at the platform quickly with Luke getting there slightly earlier. Link drew a large blue one handed sword while he kept a metal shield in his other. Link charged forward with a powerful down stroke, Luke parried it with one hand while he gestured with his other. Link went stumbling backwards before recovering his footing with a grin; Luke returned it before they both rushed back towards each other swords raised.
When the swords met there was a loud crash, it wasn’t the sound of metal on metal it was the sound of two powerful spells meeting. They stayed locked like that for a few seconds before both pulled away and Luke made a quick sideways cut which Link caught on his shield. They both leaped backwards breathing lightly neither one tired by their efforts.
Link reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black sphere which he threw at Luke, with a flick of his wrist Luke sent the sphere flying into the lava where it erupted in a large explosion. Throwing waves of lava over their rock, Luke did a running jump off the rock throwing in a midair flip for good measure. Link somehow managed to switch shirts before bringing his shield up to block the wave.
“Navi remind me not to throw any more bombs.” Link told the fairy who bobbed up and down in agreement. Luke motioned for Link to join him on his new fighting spot which was made up of several windy paths of rock barely sticking up out of the lava. Link shrugged and jumped over to join him. The two faced each other again; Luke stepped forward with measured steps one foot in front of the other closing the distance between him and the green clad man rapidly.
Luke struck out with his saber which Link deflected off his shield before he made quick darting stab at Luke’s chest, Luke flipped backwards landing perfectly on the narrow path. Link pressed the assault bringing his sword through a standard combo followed by a rapid spin, Luke deflected each blow before dodging under the spin and slicing at Link with a diagonal uppercut. Link’s eyes widened but he brought up his shield in time to stop most of the blow; unfortunately Luke had anticipated this and was already moving on to another attack.
The two fought on with the crowd remaining silent as the heroes attempted to kill each other. Luke nicked Link on his arm causing the man to shout in pain as the blade of light sliced off the strip of skin. Link responded by bashing his shield into Luke’s chest sending the black clad man stumbling backwards, somehow Luke kept his footing and righted himself before he could fall into the lava. Then Luke did something completely unexpected, he threw the saber at Link who easily ducked under it. Taking advantage of his opponents lose of weaponry Link attacked with a lightning fast down stroke, Luke dodged to the left positioning his feet so that Link was facing the direction that he’d sent his saber.
Link continued to swing away with Luke performing dodge after dodge while Link became more and more frustrated as time went on. Suddenly Luke dodged another swing and hit Link with a right hook sending the man reeling back in surprise. Then Luke waved his hand once, Link felt a jolt of pain coming from his stomach. Link looked down and to his surprise found that the saber’s blade was sticking out of his stomach, instead of give up and die Link charged forward to give one last hurrah. Luke who hadn’t been expecting the sudden charge was caught completely off guard. Link drove the master sword deep into his chest Luke’s before the light in his eyes went out and he fell into the lava leaving Luke standing there with blood pouring out of his chest wound.
“Please press the reset button before I die.” He said quietly to Pinkie who did so promptly. The lava contracted and Link sprung back to life, he quickly yanked his sword out of Luke’s chest, in what Twilight thought was probably the most uncomfortable way possible. The wounds in his chest and back reknitted themselves to form perfect unblemished flesh, even the fabric of the shirt came back together. “Thank you Pinkie Pie” Luke said with warmly before extending his hand for Link to shake, the two exchanged a firm handshake before Link disappeared.
“That went as expected, although I wish Link had lasted longer.” Celestia said sipping at a drink that she had somehow acquired.
“Who do you have wining the second round Tia?” Luna asked her sister.
“Aragorn by default, Horace may be a very good night but there’s no way that he can manage to kill Aragorn, no offense Will.” Celestia said the ranger just shrugged.
“Horace may surprise you Princess.” Will said with a slight grin on his face.
“Luna how exactly did Luke do that thing with his sword, I didn’t see any magical aura?” Twilight asked her marefriend.
“The Force, it’s like magic but different, and its abilities are more useful in combat.” Luna replied.
“It’s time for the next match!” Spike called as Horace and Aragorn steeped forward. “You’re both normal humans so the floor will remain as it is, go till one of you is dead.” Spike said. Horace and Aragorn drew their swords and started to circle each other slowly, Aragorn used two hands for his while Horace held his shield in one and his sword in the other. Horace struck first with a lightning quick slash; Aragorn parried it easily before bringing his sword down in a crushing downstroke.
Horace broke the blow on his shield with a loud clang and countered by attempting to stab Aragorn in the stomach. The stab was easily evaded by Aragorn who hopped backwards before he slashed at Horace’s head; Horace ducked under the blow and charged forward hoping to get under Aragorn’s guard. He was stopped by Aragorn who sliced at Horace keeping him out of effective range. They then began to exchange cuts and jabs each one looking for an opening.
“You’re very good for someone your age.” Aragorn said nicely between quick slashes.
“Thank you your majesty, I was thinking the same thing about you.” Horace replied with a smile, Aragorn chuckled and delivered a pulverizing blow that impacted against Horace’s shield hard enough to cause a dent. Horace responded by bashing forward with his shield aiming at Aragorn’s stomach, the older man sidestepped but Horace slashed with his sword causing the older man to counter with his own.
“Hmm… the young one is good.” Alberich whispered to the woman next to him.
“How good do you think?” the woman asked him.
“Not enough good to beat that man, but enough good to kill most fighters within seconds.” He replied between the clangs of metal as the two fighters continued their duel.
To everyone’s surprise Horace got first blood, Aragorn over compensated and Horace struck him across the arm denting his armor and causing Aragorn to wince slightly. At this point both men were covered in sweat but they fought on exchanging blow for blow until Horace stumbled on something and Aragorn brought his sword across in a viscous slice that Horace caught in the side of his stomach sending him sprawling. His armor stopped the blade but it had obviously hurt judging from the look on his face as he struggled back to his feet. Behind her Twilight heard one of the women inhale sharply.
Aragorn waited patiently for the younger man to regain his feet before he lunged, Horace swung up his shield to block the strike but his arm went numb in the process. Horace struck out with his sword catching Aragorn across the chest but the armor absorbed the blow. Horace was getting nervous, he hadn’t been outclassed in a very long time but he knew that his man was his better in the art of the sword. An idea popped into his head and a smile touched Horace’s face, he struck out in a rapid flurry of easily deflectable blows all of which were easily blocked by Aragorn’s blade. While Aragorn was busy fending off the attack Horace shot his leg out and kicked the other man in the knee.
There was a dull clank as metal toe met metal kneecap and Aragorn stumbled backwards, Horace brought his sword down in an ark which culminated with a ringing slash across Aragorn’s chest. The plate deflected most of the damage but still hurt enough to make Aragorn wince. Horace stepped forward his sword held high in preparation for the final blow, sadly it never came. Aragorn stabbed forward with his weapon punching through the younger warrior’s chest armor and impaling him cleanly, Aragorn pulled his blade out of Horace’s chest and let the man’s body fall to the ground with a small clutter of armor. The crowd cheered wildly except for our box where Will was shaking his head while one of the woman glared and the taller one sighed.
“And we have our winner Aragorn son of Arathorn!” Spike shouted, Horace’s body shivered and life leapt back into it. Aragorn reached down and offered the fallen warrior his hand, Horace took it readily with a smile. Before he disappeared from the arena and reappeared in our box. He was immediately grabbed up in a tackle like hug from the shorter woman.
“I got so caught up in the fight that I forgot that it wasn’t real, damnit Horace never scare me like that again!” The shorter woman scolded him; Horace hugged her back and laughed.
“I’ll certainly try Evanlyn; I just can’t believe how good that man is with a blade.” Horace replied with a grin. “Is there any coffee here Will?” Horace asked his friend changing the subject.
“Yes and it is amazing!” Will replied holding up his cup; Evanlyn rolled her eyes and wandered back over to the window as the two boys began to talk about the finer arts of coffee brewing.
“That was a battle was well fought lad.” Alberich said getting up to talk to the young warrior. Twilight turned back to the viewport, but Spike was still working the crowd.
“…Potter defeated Voldemort when he was barely an adult.” Dumbledore was in the middle of saying to Ebenezar, who waved it away.
“Hoss has been fighting vampires, werewolves, evil wizards, faire, trolls, ghosts, goblins, demons, fallen angels, and Fay queens for years now. Oh and let me remind you about the fact that Hoss brought a Tyrannosaurus Rex back from the grave and rode it through a hoard of zombies to stop a necromantic ritual with a man wearing a polka suit.” Ebenezar replied easily.
“Yet he knows nothing of love or compassion, which are the greatest powers of all.” Dumbledore replied with a smile gracing his face.
“Harry knows more about love then that runt that you’ve trained up Dumbledore and you know it. Without love Harry would’ve died a long time ago!” Ebenezar replied angrily.
“The match is starting, would you both please shut up?” Dash asked the two arguing wizards who quitted down to watch the match.
“…Now without further ado let the match begin!” Spike yelled. Luke stepped forward and he and Aragorn began exchanging a flurry of blows. Luke’s saber flashed across the gap between the two men but was deflected by Aragorn’s sword with an easy parry. Aragorn brought his sword down against Luke’s saber blade with a great clash before he sidestepped and stabbed at him, Luke sidestepped easily avoiding the blow.
The battle raged on with neither side gaining much ground or superiority. Then Luke flipped stepped forward and with brought his blade up in a smooth cut that cut across Aragorn’s chest plate a small amount of blood welled up underneath. Aragorn countered by slicing through Luke’s hand, to his surprise the hand sparked and smoked but didn’t bleed. Luke took the opportunity to return the favor; Aragorn’s hand fell to the ground the stump was cauterized. Luke then stabbed Aragorn through the stomach before beheading him. The crowd burst into applause.
AN
Yeah sorry about the last fight being so short, I’m not the best at describing swordfights and there are only so many times that I can say slashed, dodged, and cut before I feel like things become monotonous and run out of cool words to use instead. The next chapter will be a one on one duel between Dresden and Potter which promises to be fun and awesome, both to write and to read.
An unexpected change of schedule
An unexpected change of schedule
The arena was hushed as Spike once again emerged from the floor Pinkie was noticeably absent, after the last match they’d taken a half hour break now it was time for the next match. The lights dimmed completely.
“Ladies and gentlemen we have a treat tonight, two of the most…” Spike’s speech was interrupted by a loud CRACK sound of displaced air. Hovering above the arena floor was a group of beings wherein dark cloaks.
“Be silent dragon, or we will do to you what we did to this pink one.” One of the figures said menacingly as it held up Pinkie Pie in one shrouded hand. Twilight gasped, Pinkie’s body was bloody and covered in bruises. The figure then threw Pinkie to the ground, with an audible crash. “Ladies and gentlemen we have been watching your little performances, and we are not amused.” The figure rasped, Twilight turned to look at Luna who was grinding her teeth.
“Luna what’s going on?” Twilight whispered quietly.
“I don’t know Twilight, but I don’t like it.” Her marefriend replied quietly.
“We have sealed this realm, none may enter nor may they leave, as of now all immunity and revives are off. We own this realm and you are to be our servants!” Another of the figures yelled, the audience was growing restless.
“BEFORE US YOU ARE BUT ANTS WHO WILL FOREVER GROVEL AT THE FEET OF YOUR MAST…”
“Forzare!” The speakers were suddenly forced backwards as a wall of force slammed into them. Twilight watched in amazement as a familiar duster clad figure ran out onto the arena floor grabbed Pinkie and Spike in his arms and took off running towards the stands.
“Twilight teleport him up here right now!” Luna told Twilight urgently. Twilight focused on the moving target holding her friends and they reappeared in the box, Dresden was out of breath but otherwise unscathed.
“Thanks Twilight, I can’t fight that many gods at once.” Dresden panted setting Spike on the ground where Twilight wrapped him in a hug. Pinkie was a different matter entirely, her body was covered in burns, bruises, and cuts that wrapped her entire body in what would eventually become a very impressive layer of scar tissue. Luna pulled Twilight away with magic and Celestia knelt in front of her, her horn glowing.
“YOU FOOLS WILL NOT STAND BEFORE US WE ARE GODS!” The second voice yelled from outside the box.
“Lulu this is bad, we need a place where we can effectively fight back from, right now we’re just fish in a barrel.” Celestia told her sister who nodded.
“Where is Harry Potter?” Dumbledore asked Dresden urgently.
“He’s coming I think, we didn’t have much time to plan. He said something about finding Ron and Hermione.” Dresden said as he accepted a glass of water from Ebenezar, suddenly one of Pinkie’s eyes shot open.
“We need to get to Base 42; it’s highly defensible and big enough to hold all of us.” Pinkie said slowly wobbling to her feet; a microphone appeared next to her face. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize for this interruption but it’s a little out of my control at the moment. This is a private frequency that the enemy cannot access, leave the arena immediately! Once out follow the glowing gold trail that should appear in front of you to the base there we will restock, resupply, and prepare to take back our dimension form these big meenies!” Pinkie’s voice cracked once or twice but her message made it through.
“Some of you are going to planning to fight back I assume, I’d just like to warn you that that would be a truly bad idea.” A voice oozed out of one of the figures. The crowd ignored him and began rushing towards the exit. “Fine, leave you’ll only learn that it’s hopeless to hide.” The slippery voiced figure continued with a shrug as the trillions of audience members fled the arena.
“Pinkie where is Base 42?” Celestia asked urgently.
“Just follow the golden trial, now if you’ll excuse me I need to fall unconscious…” Pinkie said and promptly did so.
“We need to get out of here!” Rainbow Dash said, she was right the ‘gods’ may have been watching in amusement, but they had helpers who were not so content. A group of orcs was charging towards their booth swords in hand. Alberich stepped forward sword in hand and cut them apart with simple grace.
“We’re leaving, someone grab Pinkie and Spike.” Celestia said as a golden flaming sword materialized itself above her head, Luna followed suit but her sword was silver and reflected moonlight. The large group started forward with the two goddesses in front, Alice, Evanlyn, and the woman in white were in the middle of the group with Twilight holding Pinkie in her magic and Spike ridding on her back. Ebenezar and Dumbledore walked on either side of them staff and wand at the ready, Will came next bow at the ready. Horace and Alberich brought up the rear of the formation their swords at the ready.
Dark creatures erupted from the ground and began to rush the group; they all had a distinctive heartlike symbol on their chest. Before the creatures could get to them two men jumped down from another level and slashed through the creatures with swords that seemed to be made of giant keys. They nodded respectfully to Celestia before running off to help another group of travelers. Twilight was close to mental breakdown at this point, everywhere she looked there was violence and she spotted some of the friends she’d made at the parties battling for their lives.
“I came here to get away from fighting damnit!” A voice that sounded like Twilight’s yelled as a pony who looked like Twilight ran through their path a large glowing sword grasped firmly in her magic. The other Twilight jumped towards a group of attacks with her sword performing a beautiful dance of death as she went. Running beside her in a black cloak was another pony who carried a sword and a bottle of whiskey in his magic.
“How about we focus on killing these things first?” He asked her after he took a sip of whisky; Twilight heard the other Twilight grunt before she looked away.
“Luna who was that?” She called.
“A version of you who is playing the immortal game, don’t worry about it!” Luna shouted back as she hacked her way through a large troll.
“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” A human yelled running towards their group with a chainsaw sword grasped firmly in his hand, a large gray armored figure stepped out of the shadows and impaled the human on a humming energy spear.
“I think not.” The armored figure said quietly before moving on.
“This is insane!” Twilight yelled as wave of zombies stumbled towards them, a man riding a motorcycle mounted with chainsaws drove through them leaving nothing but a red streak behind.
“Thank Faust for duct tape.” Celestia chuckled, Luna much to Twilight’s confusion joined in. A group of slavering bat creatures jumped towards their group only to be intercepted by literal column of fire shooting out of Dresden’s staff.
“You know, I already killed all of them once…” Dresden muttered to himself as he burned through several others “…You’d think they’d have the decency to stay dead!”
They were closing in on the exit when they saw an awesome sight, a man in blue spandex and a red cape was standing with his back to a golden haired man, and a man who looked like a cowboy. Surrounding them was a large pile of bodies, all of which were bloody and broken, the golden haired man smiled when he saw Celestia and threw her a small green bag. Celestia nodded gratefully and passed the bag to Twilight.
“Give Pinkie one of the beans in there; it should bring her back to normal.” Celestia told Twilight as she cut a snakeman in half. Twilight forced the odd looking bean down Pinkie’s throat and to her surprise the party pony jumped out of her magic.
“Woah! This is not what I had planned but we definitely need to leave right now!” Pinkie said rapidly as she waved at Goku Superman and Chuck Norris to get their attention. “Boys I’m trusting you to hold off those evil gods, keep them from attacking the weaker people.” Pinkie told them, the three nodded and took up fighting positions. “Okay dokey loky, let’s go everyone!” Pinkie said as she ran for the exit. Suddenly a new shape emerged from the shadows, Pinkie gasped. It was Edward Cullen; he was covered in blood and was stalking towards her like a predator.
“Remember me?” He asked with an evil grin spreading across his face “You wouldn’t let me into your party well now I’m going to ki…”
“ROCKET!” Edward was interrupted by a grinning man in a straw hat; he was thrown back by a punch that to Twilight looked completely impossible.
“Thanks Luffy!” Pinkie cried as the group ran past, the man tipped his hat.
“No one messes with my friends!” Luffy said before he launched himself at the vampire who was for some reason sparkling. Just as they were about to exit the arena a group of men wearing chainmail armor with large crosses on their chests charged, Celestia and Luna readied their swords. Before the men could get any closer two men in white cloaks leaped down from overhead and landed on the Templers with a sickening crunch as their wristblades plunged into the necks of the downed men. The other Templers stopped and exchanged scared looks; the two assassins exchanged smiles before they charged the Templers cutting them down in seconds. Then one of them bowed to Pinkie and said.
“Let us know next time before you plan a party Pinkie, that way I can bring more friends.”
“I didn’t plan this Ezio, but have fun!” Pinkie told him with a wink as she took off leaving the two men laughing and Twilight’s group running after her. As they exited the arena they were confronted by a large army of mythological monsters. “Well this should be interesting…” Pinkie said causing Twilight to look at her in confusion.
“Pinkie what could possibly be interesting about this?” Twilight asked the pinki pony who just stood there looking at the assembled army.
A roar came from behind them and two figures flew over them to land in front of the army of myths. One of them Twilight recognized as Kratos, the other was a man with brown hair wearing an orange shirt carrying a bronze sword.
“So Kratos how about we finish arguing later and kill these monsters?” The man in the orange shirt said.
“Of course you know son of Poseidon once we are through here our grudge will continue.” Kratos said.
“Yeah I know, now let’s kill us some monsters!” Percy yelled as he charged into the hoard reducing monsters to dust with every swing of his sword. Kratos followed, leaving a much bloodier trail in his wake. Pinkie began to run through the gap in the army that the two warriors were carving them. Twilight watched in awe as Percy swept up an arm and a nearby river smashed into the wall of monsters sweeping many away to a watery grave. Kratos topped him with the sheer brutality of his kills, Twilight shuddered slightly as he strangled a giant with a centaurs intestines.
Eventually they managed to get out of the army of monsters leaving Percy and Kratos to continue their fun, Twilight had never paid much attention to it before but the landscape of this plane of existence was actually quite nice. The land that they were running over for example was made up of rolling green hills, a small river babbled nearby causing Twilight to almost forget that they were running for their lives. That forgetfulness was immediately addressed when a group of dark crowlike birds swooped down at them claws at the ready. The creatures were intercepted by a group of owls, leading them was a barnowl who had a blade of ice clutched in his talons.
“Thanks Soren!” Pinkie yelled to the owl who nodded in-between sword cuts dead crow creatures fell from the sky like rain as the owls cut their way through them.
“Pinkie, you realize that we could have handled all of these problems by ourselves, right?” Celestia asked Pinkie raising an eyebrow as they continued to run.
“Well duh!” Pinkie said. “But this way we save our energy so that we can get to Base 42; after all I’m the leader of this résistance.” Pinkie said in an accent that sounded distinctly French, Celestia shook her head and turned her eyes back to the horizon.
“How much farther is it to this Base 42?” Twilight asked, unlike the rest of the group she wasn’t in the most amazing shape.
“A day, barring the sudden and pleasant appearance of a deus ex machina of course.” Pinkie responded then looked up at the sky as if hoping for an airship to arrive at any second, when none appeared Pinkie pouted. “Come on you know you don’t want to type out a day of travel!” Pinkie yelled at no one, still nothing happened, Pinkie sighed in resignation. “It was worth a try.” Pinkie told the group who just stared at her. “Could I at least get a timeskip?” Pinkie asked the sky, none was forthcoming.
As they traveled onward they reached a large dark forest they traveled down the main path with Celestia lighting the way with her flaming sword, Twilight couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being watched. Eventually after maybe ten minutes of walking they were stopped by what appeared to be a large army of human sized rats, stouts, and other vermin. At the head of the group was a smaller group of much more intimidating vermin.
“Well would you look at what we have here boys, a group of ponies...” Said a rat whose tail ended in a large blade, before he could get any farther into what was surely going to be a thrilling speech a shower of arrows rained down on the vermin standing behind him.
“Mossflower!” Yelled an army of mice, squirrels, one angry looking hare, and several heavily otters. Behind them came an army of hares headed by several large badgers carrying extremely large weapons. Pinkie nodded a greeting to a mouse who carried a large sword as he beheaded one of the rats before she led their way through the clashing armies. After they had left the clashing armies behind two large white blue eyed horses drew up to them, Alberich and the woman went up to meet them.
“Alberich you can’t believe how nice it is to be able to talk out loud again.” The muscular stallion told Alberich with a chuckle before he turned to Celestia. “Greetings Princess, I hope your day with my chosen has been going well.”
“Of course Kantor, he’s been a very nice addition to the party.” Celestia replied with a grin.
“I’m sure he has.” Kantor smirked “By the way, Pinkie Shalkan and Kellen are leading an army of elves for you and are shielding your advance.”
“Okay doki, thanks a bunch Kantor!” Pinkie told him as they began to make their way through the forest again. In the background Twilight heard the sounds of great battles being held, the sounds of men and women fighting and dying. This wasn’t like it had been before, now there was no reset button, everything was for keeps. Twilight began to cry silently, there was too much senseless death, it was so unexpected and now that the shock had worn off it pain of those around her was like being punched in the stomach. Luna dropped into step beside her mare friend and placed a comforting magical aura around the purple pony to ease the impact of the pain.
After an hour of walking they emerged on the other side of the forest to find a massive killing field spread out before them. A woman with fiery red hair approached them ridding on the back of the giant snow leopard that Twilight recognized as Tharaman from her third party. The woman jumped off the leopard and walked forward to meet Pinkie who had somewhere along the line acquired a cap with five stars attached to it.
“I’m glad to see you Pinkie; we need to get you to base 42 as quickly as possible.” The woman said throwing her red hair to the wind for a second.
“Thank you Queen Thirrin, will you be escorting us yourself?” Pinkie asked the woman, she was being strangely businesslike.
“No, I’m needed to hold them from our position as long as possible. My army will cover you while we work in with Kellen’s to delay them.” The woman replied with a tiny smile before she remounted Tharaman who took the opportunity to call.
“Drinking match back at base Luna, I’ll kick your ass this time!” before the two of them bounded away across the battlefield to assist a group of very violent unicorns in dealing with a group of evil looking dog creatures.
“You know it’s too bad almost no one actually knows who either she or Kellen are.” Pinkie told Celestia who shrugged. The two armies must have been working well because their trip was only interrupted once. A group of ponies who were covered in blood and some kind of spike covered armor approached them laughing darkly. They were interrupted by a chariot flying overhead where a pony Twilight recognized as Littlepip and a heavier armored stallion unleashed death upon them.
“Thanks Littlepip!” Pinkie called as the gore bits fell to the ground.
“We thought you could use a helping hoof, got to go!” Littlepip called as the chariot flew away.
After an two hours of uneventful walking a large castle appeared on the horizon stealing Twilight’s breath; it was bigger than the arena!
“Welcome to Base 42, big enough to house life, the universe, and everything.” Pinkie said with a grin.
Planning and Downtime
Planning and Downtime
Twilight was in the command room of Base42, she was sitting between Luna and Celestia, mostly so she wouldn’t lose her seat to someone else who wanted front row seats. The room was set up like a stadium with a large flat area at the center of a pit surrounded by seats. Overhead cannons boomed and things exploded but here in the command room none of it mattered.
Pinkie stood on in the center of the pit standing on her rear legs her forelegs folded calmly behind her back. The seats going around the pit were full of beings of immense power, many of whom Twilight didn’t recognize. Much to her surprise there were several different versions of herself and her friends scattered about, most of them looked extremely deadly and Twilight huddled closer to Luna when another Twilight met her eyes indifferently.
“As you all know we have a problem, this dimension has been turned into a trap and we are facing the forces of just about every villain, bad guy, dark god, evil dictator, evil emperor, and even some evil chancellors. Hell they have demons, they have trolls, they might even have flying monkeys…Anyways I digress. I knew something like this was coming which is why I told several of you to bring your armies with you when you came to the games…” Pinkie was interrupted by an angry looking black man wearing large bulky armor.
“You knew this was going to happen! And you Didn’t tell the Cole Train about it!” The black man yelled at her.
“Sit down son; you don’t have the whole picture.” Another black man said; Pinkie nodded to him in thanks.
“Thank you Johnson, as I was saying I had a feeling, I have feelings all the time and most of them mean absolutely nothing. This time that wasn’t the case which is why it is a good thing that I told several generals to bring everything they had.” Pinkie said nodding to several of the afore mentioned generals. “Now let’s go over the list of some of the more powerful leaders that they have, these are only the ones that I know for sure about, I’m sure there are probably hundreds more. Emperor Palpatine dark lord of the sith is in attendance although as to what he’s doing here I can’t begin to fathom, he’s brought the 501st stormtrooper legion with him.” She was interrupted by scattered laughter.
“Well that would be worrisome, if they hadn’t gone to the imperial marksman academy.” Someone behind Twilight said with a chuckle.
“Unfortunately for us these troopers are not under the effects of their universe, as it turns out they’re all incredible shots.” Pinkie said with a shrug, things got silent quickly. “Nicodemus Archleone is also in attendance, for those of you who have heard of him you know how great a threat he and his organization pose to the unprepared; I’ll allow Dresden to elaborate later for those of you unfamiliar. Lord Voldemort is also in attendance along with an army of deatheaters, and now he’s immune to the power of love, sorry Potter.” Pinkie said turning to Harry Potter who shuddered slightly but his face took on a look of pure determination. “Frank Fontaine is also here, along with an army of splicers, on the brightside Jack is already here and no longer responds to the words ‘would you kindly’.” A man across the room looked up suddenly and his left hand lit up with crackling electricity, slowly a smile spread across his face.
“Bring it on.” The man with the lightning said, a little girl sitting next to him put her hand over his and shushed him.
“Nihilus Nix Naught is with them along with Wrong, but they shouldn’t prove to be much of a problem at least as long as Miss Sparkle can stand to take the field against them.” Pinkie said gesturing at one of the versions of Twilight; it was the one who Twilight recognized from when they were escaping the arena.
“As long as Titan isn’t here I should be fine.” Came the slightly chilly reply.
“Neither he or the other are here, something about unresolved conflict or some other interdimensional law. One of the most worrying is the Prophet of Truth; he’s managed to bring every covenant ground force that exists, with the exception of the Elites of course.” Pinkie said nodding to the Arbiter.
“Then we shall burn them where they stand.” Came the quite reply from the four mandibled mouth, Master Chief nodded from where he sat next to him.
“That reminds me Chief, how many of your Spartans are here?” Pinkie asked the green clad soldier.
“All of them.” Chief said, Twilight couldn’t see his face underneath his helmet but she could hear the smile in his voice clearly. “Tell us where you want us, and we’ll clear the way.”
“Thank you John.” Pinkie said sincerely “The Titan Lord Kronos has come as well, Percy he’s yours.” Pinkie said nodding to the man Twilight remembered taking part in the destruction of the army of myth creatures. Percy nodded and an odd look crossed his face, as if he were pondering something.
“Is Luke here?” Percy asked after a few seconds of thought.
“Nope, you don’t have to worry about that, he convinced some other shmuck to act as a body for him.” Pinkie said with a grin, Percy just nodded his head slowly. “I’m not sure who any of the others in charge are but I’m sure that there are more than this. Moving on, I commissioned this base from the owner of this dimension to be virtually indestructible. In fact I know for a fact that it could withstand a five thousand ton nuclear blast, and no don’t ask where we got that much uranium to test it.” Pinkie said with a sly smile that got a few chuckles from the people in the room. Suddenly a loud mechanical sound burst through the room, a man in armor with an N7 emblem on it jumped to his feet.
“REAPER!” He yelled as a giant Reaper appeared on the viewscreens spread around the room. The Reaper looked down at their base with contempt and shot a massive laser at it, which bounced off of the base’s shielding and shot in another direction. Pinkie chuckled.
“Did I mention that I forced the master of this plain to make this place nearly impossible to destroy?” The pink pony smirked.
The Reaper unleashed a salvo of missiles at them but the man in the cape sent lasers shooting out of his eyes to clear the skies of the pests. The Reaper fired another main cannon blast which Goku once again swatted aside with a slight shrug. Suddenly the man with the cape increased his speed and slammed into the Reaper creating a giant dent in the metal of the giant metal space squid. Goku meanwhile was holding his hands together and pointing them palms out towards the Reaper, his palms began to glow blue but Twilight’s eyes were drawn back to the other man who was busily punching his way through the Reaper’s armor. The Reaper screamed in defiance and unleashed its main gun on Goku, but by this time he was done charging his attack.
“Kamehameha!” Goku yelled d a blast of blue energy shot out of his palms and rushed towards the Reaper dissolving the Reaper’s beam in the process. The Kamehameha slammed into the space where a few seconds earlier the other man had been punching; the beam of blue energy shot all the way through the Reaper and erupted out the other end blowing a large hole in the process. The light from the Reaper’s eyes died and it fell to the ground outside the castle with a mighty thud.
***
The party had been going on for several hours and Twilight was just beginning to get back into her rhythm, it surprised her hoe much she’d missed the simple act of enjoying the company of others as they consumed massive amounts of alcohol. Twilight had decided to limit herself to one glass of wine and leave it at that, but others were deep into their drinks. Off to her right she noticed a group of five children drinking beer, Twilight may not have known their age but she was sure they were way too young to be drinking.
“I still say this party is boring.” A bald boy wearing a pair of sunglasses said as he took another drink of his beer.
“Number 1, this place is awesome can you believe some of the ships they have here!” A large boy wearing an odd hat replied, a dark skinned girl wearing a red hat standing next to the first speaker nodded and added.
“Lighten up Number 1, the drinks are free and so is the food so why don’t you enjoy yourself?” The bald boy shook his head and took another drink.
“Aren’t you kids a little young to be drinking?” Twilight asked as she got closer.
“No we’re not and what would you do if we were adult?” A blonde boy asked raising his fists menacingly.
“Well I’d start by taking the beer away, and then I’d give you a very long lecture about the dangers of alcohol.” Twilight replied with a smile, suddenly a girl in a green shirt started to laugh.
“Guys, she thinks we’re drinking real beer.” The green shirted girl said between laughs.
“You aren’t?” Twilight asked raising an eyebrow skeptically.
“Of course not silly, that stuff is for adults.” The green shirted girl said still laughing.
“Yeah we’re drinking root beer so back off!” The blonde boy said once again raising his fists.
“Number 4 stand down, she had no idea.” The bald boy said with a slight grin. “Although I never caught you name Miss…”
“Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight replied with a smile.
“Well Twilight we’re the Sector V of the KND, I’m Number 1. These are numbers 2, 3, 4, and 5” Number 1 said gesturing towards the large boy then the girl in green followed by the blonde and finishing with the one in the red hat. “Together with the rest of the KND we fight adult tyranny wherever it rears its head.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong hoof.” Twilight said a little sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it Twilight, it was just a misunderstanding, besides you seem pretty cool.” Number 5 told her extending her hand, Twilight shook it and grinned. Twilight spent a few minutes talking to the members of Sector V and after promising to show Number 3 some unicorn magic then left heading for the bar thinking that some root beer actually sounded like a good idea. At the bar she noticed two more children, although one looked suspiciously like a younger version of Harry Potter who she’d met earlier at the meeting.
“I’m telling you Hermione I need to become a god so I can keep these kinds of things from happening in the first place! I bet I could be running that whole organization in under a week and then turn it to the side of good!” The young Potter said waving his arms at Hermione who looked at him aghast.
“Harry you can’t be serious these are some of the worst and most evil monsters in the universe!” Hermione replied aggravatedly looking at the young boy who couldn’t be any older then twelve at the most.
“Exactly Hermione if I became a god I’m sure I could convince them to become good, I did it with Malfoy!” The boy retorted. “All I’d have to do is explain that their brand of evil suited no purpose and that if they banded behind me then they’d conquer things much faster and hold power much longer!” Hermione looked like she wanted to start slamming her head into the bar.
“What seems to be the problem?” Twilight asked the pair both of whom jumped slightly at her unexpected arrival.
“There isn’t one, I was just explaining to Hermione why I should be promoted to godhood.” The young Potter said.
“And I was just explaining to Harry that if he should ever happen to attain godhood things wouldn’t go as well as he wants them to so he should stop trying to break the universe and start trying to make them better as they are now.” Hermione told Twilight exasperatedly.
“Look Hermione the fact that this whole place exists means that reality can be rewritten as I need it to be, it’s just a matter of finding the computer!” Harry told Hermione, Twilight thought about the problem for a few seconds. This was obviously not the Potter that she’d met earlier; this one was much more…rational.
“Have you tried talking to any of the gods around here, I’m sure if you talked to them they’d give you a good idea of what godhood is really like and you can decide whether or not it’s really worth it.” Twilight said at last, young Harry started to scratch his chin in thought.
“You know that’s actually a good idea, who do you recommend?” Potter asked looking around the crowd of drunken individuals. Twilight also took a minute to look at the assorted beings before her gaze settled on her Celestia who was currently engaged in a very serious looking talk with several others.
“I’d suggest her.” Twilight said pointing at her marefriend’s sister Harry set off with Hermione following behind. Twilight turned to order a root beer from the bartender who had two heads.
“I’d like one root beer please.” Twilight said, now that she took the time to notice it the bartender was dressed horribly.
“Sure thing baby, by the way thanks for getting rid of that kid, his ego’s almost as big as mine and I couldn’t let that happen.” The two headed man said handing Twilight her root beer.
“Why not?” Twilight asked him in confusion.
“Because if it was I’d have to shoot him.” Replied the two headed man with a slight grin, Twilight stared at him.
“Who are you?” She asked the strange man.
“I’m Zaphod Beeblebrox president of the galaxy.” The man replied with a smile.
“Well Mister Beeblebrox it’s been fun but I really need to go.” Twilight said hurriedly as she pushed away from the bar.
“…The warehouse wall exploded in with a deafening crash of metal, ceramic, and screaming engines. Debris careened around the room, glass rained from shattered panes, and a cargo hauler plowed into the room. Cargo crates went scattering, tumbling down with resounding crashes and crunching impacts. The hauler, seven meters tall and eight wide, came to a halt, its front scarred from impact damage.…” Twilight heard what someone say she looked up and saw a blue armored turian talking to a gray armored elite. Twilight kept on walking not really wanting to get involved in that kind of situation, then Twilight saw something that made her almost drop her root beer. It was a pony who looked exactly like Twilight but this Twilight had a pair of wings and a horn.
“Excuse me how did you get those wings?” Twilight asked the other her curiously, the other Twilight jumped at the unexpected sound of her own voice addressing her but calmed quickly when she saw that it was just another version of herself.
“It’s actually kind of an odd story.” Alicorn Twilight said, Twilight shrugged she had nothing better to do.
“I’ve got time.” Twilight replied to her winged version who nodded and led her towards a nearby booth.
“Well you see in my dimension alicorn reproduction is somewhat…different.” Alicorn Twilight began; Twilight listened in disgusted interest as alicorn Twilight described the process of creating an alicorn. “And then I fell asleep for a few months, when I awoke I looked like this. Oh and Shinning was an alicorn to which raises some odd questions that I really don’t want to know the answer to.” Alicorn Twilight finished, Twilight stared at her for a few seconds then yelled for an actual beer. “Like I told you it’s an odd tale.” Alicorn Twilight told Twilight apologetically.
“I really need to ask Luna if that happens in our dimension.” Twilight said mostly to herself; Alicorn Twilight shrugged.
“I couldn’t tell you; anyways I’ve got to go keep my Celestia from accidentally eating too much cake.” Alicorn Twilight said with a wry smile, Twilight nodded and finished her drink as her other self walked away. Twilight walked around some more till she found table with a mouse and a fox both dressed in black trench coats.
“Hey there baby.” The grey fox said getting to his feet. “How about you and me go for a ride on my bed?” The mouse facepalmed loudly.
“Eastwood leave her alone, before you end up hurt.” The mouse told his friend with a weary sigh.
“Shut up Virus I can do this!” The fox exclaimed in annoyance before turning back to Twilight. “As I was saying…” He didn’t get any farther because Luna who had appeared silently beside Twilight spoke up.
“Eastwood please don’t hit on my marefriend, it would end badly for you and even the entire inquisition couldn’t rescue you.” Luna said calmly, the fox shrunk back.
“Of course Luna, I had no idea she was with you.” Eastwood said with a slightly frightened nod, Luna smiled at him sweetly.
“I’m glad to hear it.” Luna told him before walking away and melting back into the crowd.
“I can’t believe she didn’t slap you.” Virus said taking a drink; Twilight decided it was time to leave the two to their drinks.
“Hey there Spike why do you look so sad?”Twilight asked the dragon who regarded her silently for a few seconds before he said.
“You don’t want to know Twilight, you just don’t want to know.” The dragon said shaking his head sadly.
“Come on you look really sad, even if you aren’t my Spike I still can’t stand to see you look this sad.” Twilight told him comfortingly.
“Call me Thorn; it’ll be easier on your brain.” Thorn told her, Twilight nodded thankful for the easy way to separate the dragon from her Spike.
“So what’s wrong?” Twilight asked again.
“I honestly can’t tell you, I really shouldn’t be here in the first place, all you need to know is that I’m from the future.” With that Thorn turned back to his drink and ignored Twilight who eventually wandered away.
“Well that was odd…” Twilight mumbled to herself as she kept walking around the party. Eventually Luna came and found her sitting in a booth by herself drinking a root beer.
“Come on Twilight it’s time to go to bed I think.” Luna told her with a slight smile, suddenly thoughts from her conversation with alicorn Twilight popped back into her head.
“Luna…do you have a penis?” Twilight asked her marefriend who turned to stare incredulously at her.
“Twilight I’m assuming there’s a good reason for this question…” Luna said looking at her marefriend who blushed furiously.
“It’s just I was talking to a version of me who was an alicorn…” Twilight started but before she could get any farther Luna burst into laughter.
“Oh that’s the reason! Thank Faust, I thought you wanted me to grow one.” Luna replied wiping a tear from her eye. “No Twilight I don’t, that Twilight is from a completely different dimension where the rules of reality are somewhat skewed…” Luna said trailing off and then shuddering slightly.
“Ok good, that would’ve been weird.” Twilight replied and they began to make their way back to their room. Once they got to their room and closed the door Twilight turned to Luna again. “Luna I have another question.”
“What is it Twilight?” Luna asked hoping that it wouldn’t be as bad as the last one.
“What happens when I eventually die of old age?” Twilight asked Luna.
“Honestly Twilight there are two ways we can go about this, I can turn you into an alicorn, don’t look at me like that…” She said and Twilight blushed. “Or you die and I come and visit you here.” Luna finished, Twilight nodded.
“Thanks Luna, I’ve been worried about it for a while now.” Twilight replied with a sad smile.
“Of course Twilight, so are we ready to do this, or do you want me to grow a…” Luna began but Twilight kissed her before she could finish the sentence.
Step one
Mr. Incredible looked out over the streets for signs of threats, but found that there weren’t any. He was currently out with a small team of supers charged with doing a sweep of the empty city. It reminded Bob slightly of the city where he lived but only on passing glance, if you looked closer you’d see dark alleys filled with burning trashcans, and then if you looked again it would be a shining metropolis. Bob wasn’t sure why he’d brought Helen and the kids to the games except that it had seemed like a good idea at the time, now that he was a soldier fighting a war he was starting to regret the decision. Above him he could feel the watchful eyes of his cowled partner who was watching out for trouble, the man was odd. He obviously didn’t have any real powers but he had enough gadgets and training to be a hero, from what Bob could tell the man had been in the game since he was very young. Suddenly his ear piece crackled.
“Mr. Incredible there is a spiky haired man using rocket boots with a giant S flying towards us, someone you know?” The voice of his partner asked.
“Yeah, his name’s Syndrome he’s decided that he’s my nemesis. He’s got no powers but he’s got plenty of toys.” Bob replied.
“Let me guess, he’s resentful of supers and you did something that made him want to destroy you.” Batman said.
“Yeah how’d you know?” Bob asked.
“Clark’s got the same problem.” Batman said with a shrug. “Does he like to monologue?” Batman asked him.
“Like it’s going out of style.” Bob told him with a slight smile.
“Perfect, keep him talking…”Suddenly Syndrome descended from the clouds his boots glowing slightly with zero point energy. When he reached the ground he gave Bob a sweeping bow.
“Mr. Incredible I can’t believe what an honor it is to see you again!” Syndrome told him with a large evil smile.
“Hey there Buddy long time no see, how’d that jet engine treat you?” Bob asked him returning the smile, Syndrome’s eyes narrowed.
“You think you can disrespect me that way you ant? I’m Syndrome the master of technology the genius who created zero point energy!” Syndrome yelled at Bob who just shrugged and charged at him knowing what the result would be. Sure enough Bob was immediately trapped in place with Syndrome floating in front of him with a smile. “You thought you could catch me monologing didn’t I teach you better last time? Well maybe I should reinforce the lesson!” Syndrome yelled and he sent Mr. Incredible smashing into a nearby building.
“You think that that hurt Buddy? Ha I’ve taken worse hits from my daughter!” Bob yelled as he hauled himself to his feet. Syndrome trapped him again.
“I don’t know why you’re bothering Mr. Incredible, I mean I’m obviously your superior in every way, and now I’m going to ki…” He was interrupted by a black cowled form that smashed him into the ground before it began to beat the ever living shit out of him. Batman smiled grimly as his fists rose and fell in a steady cadence against Syndrome’s face, this was the kind of little shit he couldn’t stand. Despite his annoyance Batman held himself in check and stopped the second that he thought that Syndrome had stopped being a threat.
“You could have saved me a swing you know.” Mr. Incredible said walking up behind Batman who shrugged. Suddenly dark laughter filtered through the streets Bob and Bruce turned to see a dark shadow descending towards them.
“Well well if it isn’t the Bat.” The large man walked down the street slowly his steps cracking the asphalt beneath his feet. Batman looked at him for a second before murmuring one word quietly.
“Darkseid”
***
Pinkie was in her war office when the call came in.
“Pinkie this is Batman, Mr. Incredible and I are facing Darkseid himself, help would be appreciated.” Then the line went dead.
“Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!” Pinkie said to herself as she flipped through the schedule desperately seeing if there was anybody capable of helping them. Suddenly the phone rang again. “What is it?” Pinkie demanded while she continued flipping through reports.
“Miss Pinkie, there are two young women here to see you; they say that it’s urgent.” The voice of her secretary who shall remain nameless said.
“What could possibly be urgent enough to draw me away from saving an entire dimension and all the people on it?” Pinkie asked as she finally found some back up for Batman, she just hopped that he liked his help big and green.
“Send them up please.” Pinkie said managing to find her voice. A few second later two young women walked into Pinkie’s office, one was tall with red hair while the other was shorter with brown hair and glasses. “Hello and to what honor do I owe the arrival of two of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum? If you’ve come to kill me I’d like to take the opportunity to tell you that all interdimensional travel devices have been disabled.” Pinkie told them trying to be presentable.
“To be honest we just wanted to let you know that we’re here, what you have here wouldn’t be our department and besides we like it here.” The brown haired women said.
“Thank you, I’m sorry for the reaction, but you have a reputation…” Pinkie said thinking back to what she’d heard about the two in front of her.
“I haven’t seen any sues around here, and everyone seems to be mostly in character so everything checks out. We were actually here watching the games; anyways we just wanted to make sure you knew we were here to prevent you panicking if you randomly saw us.” The redhead said with a shrug.
“Well thank you for the warning, but I need to get back to coordinating my forces, have a pleasant stay.” Pinkie told them pressing a button to send the two assassins tumbling out of the room.
“Gee Jay you’d almost get the feeling that she was scarred of us.” The brown haired women said. Pinkie wiped sweat from her mane in relief with the back of a hoof and went back to dealing with the problem at hoof.
***
“Hulk smash ugly bald man!” The giant green man yelled as he rushed towards Darkseid.
“You will make a fine new slave.” Darkseid said with a chuckle as he ran forward to meet the green monster.
“You are an amusing distraction.” Darkseid told the Hulk who was making his way out of the collapsed building. Hulk charge him again, this time his fist connected with Darkseid’s jaw. Darkseid went flying through two of the skyscrapers and began walked calmly back through them as they fell around him. “Now if only these buildings had been full of people…” Darkseid mussed to himself as he strode purposely back towards the jolly green giant.
“Mr. Incredible we need to leave right now, this is going to hurt... a lot” Batman told Mr. Incredible as he wrapped his arm under Mr. Incredible’s arm and shot his grappling hook into the side of a building. Mr. Incredible groaned as they shot upward, Batman got them both onto the roof with little trouble. “Pinkie this is Bruce, thanks for distracting him, we need a ride before Bob here dies of internal bleeding and punctured lungs.” Batman said into his communicator.
“Coming right up, what would you prefer Batman, a pelican or…” Pinkie began.
“Pinkie I don’t really care unless it can get us back to a hospital fast enough for him not to die.” Batman cut her off coldly.
“Pelican it is then, sorry Bruce.” Pinkie said as she ordered the pelican. “It can be there in two minutes.”
“Thanks Pinkie.” Batman told her before returning his gaze to the conflict below.
Hulk and Darkseid had managed to knock down several more buildings but the Hulk apparently had enough of his mind left to know to keep away from Batman’s building. Suddenly Hulk reached out and grabbed Darkseid by the ankle, he then smashed the alien into the ground in a very symmetrical circle pattern, then with one last effort Hulk sent him crashing into the ground. Darkseid looked at Hulk for a few seconds before he smiled and began to get back to his feet, Hulk’s fist interrupted him when it collided with his face but Darkseid suddenly shot an evil looking red beam out of his eyes which sent the Hulk flying backwards.
Any time now Batman thought to himself, luckily the pelican appeared from over the horizon right as he thought it.
“Come in Batman this is indie gulf niner niner do you read me over?” A feminine voice asked.
“Loud and clear, now please get us off of here before Mr. Incredible dies.” Batman replied, suddenly in the background of the radio he heard.
“Mom hurry up we can’t let dad die…” Perfect his kids are here Batman thought to himself in exasperation as the hauled Mr. Incredible into the pelican with slight grunt. He was met by an anxious black haired girl and an energetic blonde boy.
“So mister is my dad going to be ok, well is he, is he?” The boy asked as he ran around the pelican, Batman resigned himself it was going to be one of those days…
“As much as I enjoyed this little distraction I’m afraid it must come to an end, I’m very busy and crushing you is only keeping me away from Kal-el.” Darkseid told the panting Hulk who against most odds was still trying to kill the overlord. Darkseid delivered one final punch which sent the Hulk flying before he punched a series of numbers into a remote and vanished. Hulk landed on top of another skyscraper and smashed all the way down into the main lobby, he then staggered out of the hotel and changed back into Banner. Tony Stark found him a few minutes latter and carried him back to Base 42.
***
Twilight woke up and felt around for Luna but discovered that the bed was empty with a small huff of annoyance Twilight got to her hooves and walked out into the hallway to get a look around. A group of soldiers walked by resplendent in armor; on closer inspection it was armor that looked like Master Chief’s but it wasn’t green.
“York I need a status report.” A female soldier in light blue armor said.
“We’re leaving in ten minutes to destroy five platoons of covenant.” Another soldier who Twilight presumed to be York said easily.
“Good let’s go show those Spartans what the Freelancers can do.” The first Freelancer replied. Twilight stepped back to let them pass and received a friendly wave from one of them in green and yellow armor. Once they were by Twilight noticed that she hadn’t actually eaten anything last night and was really, really hungry. Apparently she wasn’t the only one, when she walked into the room that the party had been in she found herself looking at a huge number of beings all stuffing their faces.
“Oh hello there Miss I apologize for not noticing you I was caught up in this amazing little puzzle.” The man said apologetically after he shook Twilight’s hoof, Twilight peered at the odd box that the man held in his other hand with interest.
“What is it sir?” Twilight asked the box was golden and inlaid with small blue lines that pulsed and rippled if you looked at them.
“As to that I have no earthly idea, but it is sure to hold some great mystery I’m sure, if only I could figure out how to open it…” The man said looking back at the puzzle box.
“Sir, if you don’t mind me asking who are you?” Twilight asked breaking the man out of his concentration.
“Where are my manners? My name is Professor Layton; I’m an archeologist who occasionally solves mysteries.” The Professor said.
“I’m Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia and friend of Pinkie Pie.” Twilight replied getting an intrigued look from the Professor,
“Are you now…?” he began, then his watch began to beep. “Oh dear me look at the time. I apologize Twilight but I must be off.” The Professor said getting up from the table and hurrying away leaving Twilight confused, she shrugged and began to eat her muffin again. Luna came into the room and noticed Twilight sitting alone at the table. With a casual smile Luna grabbed a muffin of her own from a nearby buffet table before joining her lover at the table.
“Good morning Twilight.” Luna said before she bit into her muffin.
“Good morning Luna, so what are we doing today?” Twilight asked curiously.
“Watching something hilarious…” Luna said with a nod towards another table. Sitting together were Master Chief and Samus talking and laughing, glaring at them from another table were two men. One wore green armor with what was obviously some kind of jetpack, while the other wore grayish battle armor and carried a large backpack.
Twilight raised her eyebrow and turned to Luna “Want to tell me what I’m watching?” Luna shook her head and placed a hoof over Twilight’s mouth. Twilight rolled her eyes but consented. Suddenly the two men got up from their table and began to step menacingly towards Master Chief and Samus. They were noticed immediacy and both super soldiers turned to look at the two newcomers.
“Hey there Doom Guy what’re you doing here?” Chief asked with a slight smile as he loosely fingered the pistol at his waist.
“Shut up, you know why I’m here, my partner here and I are here to kill you and your girlfriend.” Doom Guy said with a glare.
“I hate to disappoint you, but that really isn’t going to happen.” Samus said raising her arm cannon.
“Jango Fett, don’t you have a sarlack pit to fall into?” Chief asked causing the man with the backpack to take a step closer.
“Luna shouldn’t we do something?” Twilight asked in concern, she didn’t know Samus but she was friends with Chief.
“Don’t worry Twilight they’re fine.” Luna told her quickly. As Luna spoke Chief rose to his feet and reached out to grab the man with the jetpack’s arm, he then threw Fett down onto the glass table which shattered under the impact. The Doom Guy was too distracted by this to notice Samus’s cannon pointed directly at his stomach, the Doom Guy looked down at the cannon and his face blanched. Samus let a feral smile break out across her face before she unleashed the full energy of her cannon into the Doom Guy’s stomach which sent him spiraling away into the far wall. He landed with a splat which revealed that the blast had completely disemboweled him, or at least that’s what Twilight assumed it was called when someone’s stomach and intestines stopped existing.
“Check, Please.” Chief said and gave Luna a salute and Twilight a nod as he and Samus walked out of the room. Several others were looking at the mess, but they turned away with a shrug. The man with the backpack groaned and got back to his feet he made to follow Chief and Samus out the door; however he was stopped by the arrival of Pinkie Pie.
“Mister Fett I’m sorry to say this, and I know I’m going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Pinkie told him calmly, her voice really did sound regretful to Twilight.
“Try me Pinkie.” Fett said confidentially.
“Mister Kratos Mister Fett here is causing a problem, would you mind removing him?” Pinkie asked the hulking form of Kratos who had appeared from out of nowhere.
“Never mind I’ll just be going then…” Fett said walking quickly around Pinkie and Kratos who glowered at him intimidating. Then the massive shirtless man inclined his head slightly to Pinkie and began to walk towards Twilight’s table, remembering what she’d been told about their last meeting Twilight gulped. To her surprise Kratos stopped in front of her and looked down at Twilight emotions warring for dominance, eventually one won over, it was a look that Twilight had never seen on the ex god of war’s face. It was an apologetic look.
“Twilight Sparkle, I would like to apologize for saying that I wanted to tear off your horn and use it to impale your head on a wall. Looking back at it it was a very stupid thing to do and ever since I exacted my revenge on all of my family I’ve been trying to cut down on stupid things. So will you forgive me?” Kratos asked, Twilight had to struggle to keep from fainting in shock.
“Of course I will Kratos!” Twilight said rapidly. The man nodded and walked away slowly, Luna let out a nervous breath which she realize she’d been holding in since the man had drawn near.
“Well that was something…” Luna told Twilight as she ran a hoof through her starry mane. Pinkie came up to them hopping happily.
“I’m glad that Kratos was able to forgive you Twilight, frankly we can’t afford to have him angry with anyone here.” Pinkie told Twilight with a sad grin, Twilight nodded.
“Is he really that strong?” Twilight asked Pinkie, she’d been hearing about Kratos since she started to go to the parties but besides him destroying that army of myth creatures with Percy he’d never actually seen him do much.
“Twilight let me put it this way; he could kill around half of our strongest warriors and gods within an hour.” Pinkie told Twilight, suddenly a little buzz started to come out of Pinkie’s ear and she had to turn away. “What? I’m sending Ratchet and Clank to help!” Pinkie told the people on the other end.
***
Buck was crouched behind a piece of cover as Covenant forces shot plasma blast after plasma blast into the block of concrete. The mission had gone to shit faster then he’d thought possible. First his ODST squad had been cut off from the rest of their group who were being led by Sergeant Forge by a swarm of Covenant, and then the Rookie had left to get them reinforcements, that had been an hour ago. Mickey had been up talking to Sergeant Forge when the separation happened and it proved impossible for him to get back to the squad, and Dare had slipped off to retrieve some kind of intelligence, which left Buck, Romeo, and Dutch.
“Hey does this remind anyone else of those stories where the squad of badasses is slowly whittled down by much weaker enemies?” Romeo shouted as he blew a brutes head off.
“Shut up Romeo we don’t have time for that!” Buck called to the sniper.
“But boss these could be our last few moments together, and I just want to tell you guys that I’ve always loved you.” Romeo called, Buck rolled his eyes Romeo was a smartass at heart.
“As nice as that is to hear Romeo, why don’t we let God decide when our last minutes are?” Dutch called while he sent a rocket zipping into a hunter who shrugged it off like water.
“I’m back.” The voice of the Rookie called as he appeared behind Buck.
“Good, did you get us any reinforcements kid?” Buck asked.
“Yeah, watch.” The Rookie said, suddenly a wave of Covenant troops began to disco when a giant disco ball appeared above them.
“What the hell?” Romeo yelled, a small being with large ears wearing silver and black armor, on his back was a jetpack with a robot’s head. The being then took out an absurdly large rocket launcher and fired off two shots, all the Covenant dancing suddenly found themselves without legs to dance with.
“Sorry late I had to make a stop at the vendor, I’m Ratchet.” Ratchet said offering his armored hand for Buck to shake. “And this is Clank.” Ratchet said pointing at the robot jetpack on his back.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The robot told them with a mechanical smile.
“So fuzzy do you have any other toys?” Romeo asked, Ratchet smiled and pulled out a gun with a large circular hole on one end.
“This is the Bouncer, observe.” Ratchet said, and then he jumped over the concrete and pulled the trigger three times. Three large bouncing balls were spit out of the round end and began to bounce around in the enemy ranks, the Covenant soldiers stopped firing to look at them. Then the balls exploded outward unleashing dozens of slightly small balls which then repeated the process several times over.
“Buck can I have one?” Dutch asked.
***
Pinkie smiled as she received news that thanks to Ratchet’s intervention the ODST squad would be fine. Then Pinkie turned back to the board and watched the holograms as they moved around. Things were going better than expected for the heroes; however Pinkie knew that this was just the first step to taking back the dimension. The enemy leaders had as of so far abstained from actually intervening in any engagements, the only one who had had been Darkseid and he had been playing with the Hulk. Pinkie really was worried about their chances overall but she had to stay positive, after all is she didn’t then who would?
Cheese
“By Celestia’s flaming mare heat how many of these bastards are there?” A certain pony asked as her magnum kicked again sending another of the invaders to the ground in a pool of blood. Luna rolled her eyes as she sent a spear of moonlight to impale an orc; Littlepip had always had such a beautiful way with words.
“I can’t say, but I think we should probably move!” Twilight yelled from where she stood next to Luna, she hadn’t known any actual war spells so she was using telekinesis to throw invaders from the wall. A hail of bolter fire passed dangerously close to their heads and exploded against the wall behind them.
“Fuck that was a close one!” Littlepip yelled as she fired her rifle at one of the oncoming chaos marines who burst into flames as the rounds smashed into his exposed skull. Twilight winced at the harshness of the language; she still wasn’t used to being around Littlepip for extended amounts of time.
The attack had happened suddenly, a huge enemy force had somehow managed to become invisible long enough to get within reach of the walls and despite the fact that Base 42 was indestructible that didn’t mean it couldn’t be taken by contemporary means, which included killing everyone inside it.
Twilight ducked under the thrusting sword of an orc and sent him screaming off the wall where he landed on top of one of his brothers below with a wet splat. Luna’s sword sliced through another one while Littlepip shot through eight more. Luna raised an eyebrow, Littlepip usually wasn’t so aggressive.
“Are you ok Littlepip?” Luna asked with concern.
“I’m fine, this attack just interrupted me and Homage is all, we’d almost beat our record.” Littlepip replied ducking under an intense storm of gunfire before snapping off a headshot.
“Ah what’s the record at this point?” Luna asked curiously while stabbing an orc in the chest and pushing him into his friends who fell off the wall.
“96.” Littlepip said with a deep blush as she floated up a shotgun and caused an unlucky orc to suddenly find himself lacking the majority of its stomach.
“What record are you talking about?” Twilight asked interestedly.
“Number of orgasms.” Luna replied causing Littlepip to blush deeply, Twilight’s mouth fell open.
“96, that’s that shouldn’t be…” Twilight sputtered.
“Well Homage is something else let me tell you that much.” Littlepip replied blushing deeper. “By Celestia’s holy flaming clit why won’t you die!” The small unicorn suddenly yelled as a giant creature tore its way through the crowd in its need to get to them. Littlepip had already set it on fire with her rifle but the thing just kept coming.
“Tank!” A southern voice called from off in the distance, Luna stepped forward and shoved her sword through its chest but it seemed to shrug off the blow casually and sent Luna flying with a backhand. Twilight dodged backwards nearly avoiding a similar fate herself while Littlepip stood her ground, her magnum went off three times all three shots impacted against the tanks head but they only seemed to annoy it.
“For General Potter and the Chaos Legion!” Yelled the voice of a young boy, he looked no older than thirteen but Twilight was shocked to see a long ethereal blade pulsing from his hand. He jumped forward and slashed the blade through the Tank’s back sending it reeling in pain.
“Thanks kid!” Littlepip shouted before leveling her shotgun with the Tank’s chest and pulling the trigger. The Tank somehow survived the attack but was at this point too angry to take in its surroundings, thus it failed to see the very angry Luna who kicked it off of the wall. The beast fell screaming in rage before it impacted against the ground and finally died.
“Who dares lay claim to the chaos legion?” Yelled a chaos spacemarine pointing it’s chainsword at the boy.
“I am Neville Longbottom and I lay claim to the mantle of the chaos legion!” The boy yelled back.
“A mere child like you, pah, I’ll kill you for your impudence!” The marine shouted charging the boy with his chainsword raised.
“Neville this is no time to be yelling about chaos!” The younger version of Harry Potter who Twilight had counseled at the party yelled. The young boy grabbed Neville and pulled him away before the marine had a chance to decapitate him.
“That’s only for the armies, we aren’t really the forces of chaos those are the bad guys!” Potter yelled as they dodged another swing of the chainsword. Littlepip shot a magnum round at the chaos marine but he shrugged it off. Luckily before either of the two boys could be shredded into tiny pieces a warrior that looked to be wearing a black variant of Master Chief’s armor leapt down from a higher place on the wall and shot the chaos marine multiple times in the head with an assault rifle before grabbing the chainsword and shoving through the marine’s chest armor.
“You two kids get out of here now!” The black armored warrior yelled in a female voice prompting Harry and Neville to run for the door to the interior of the base. The black warrior leapt towards a pair of orcs, she started off by sending one flying with a punch to the stomach. The other she downed by firing her assault rifle into its crotch and then smashing it’s head to bits with a punch, Twilight lost sight of her after that.
“Well that was unexpected!” Luna commented dryly.
“We needs mor dakka!” Something yelled in the distance.
“I’ve got all your dakka right here!” A man standing running towards the wall yelled, he was shouldering what looked like a large spring-loaded catapult. The man was wearing large snow white armor without a helmet. He got up to the wall and pressed the trigger, eight small spherical shapes shot out of it before being lost from sight momentarily. No one on the battlefield was paying the man any attention. This was why when a large hole was torn into the enemy army as eight mini nukes detonated simultaneously silence descended immediately. The Lone Wanderer grinned out over the wall and pulled the trigger again. “I wonder if I got their attention.” He wondered to himself as the next volley hit their intended targets.
“Get down you idiot!” The Courier yelled grabbing the Lone Wanderer just before an incoming wall of bullets hit walkway where he’d been standing. The Courier whipped a lock of red hair out of her eyes and glared at the Wanderer.
“You’re a moron!”
“And that’s why you love me.” The Wanderer said planting a quick kiss on her lips before standing up again and putting the MERV back in his inventory. “Now let’s go kick some more asses!” He yelled pulling out what had once been Harkness’s plasma rifle and running down the wall, the Courier shook her head and followed her duster flapping as she ran.
“Why did no one tell me that I had human clones?” Littlepip asked with a shake of her head. “Also I want one of whatever that thing he was using was!” She exclaimed before unleashing a barrage of zebra rifle bullets into a thing that vaguely resembled a turian which burst into flames.
“Because the Wasteland would shit itself.” Luna replied eloquently.
“I don’t qualify that as a reason.” Littlepip replied, Twilight was feeling oddly left out but decided that she might as well keep listening.
Suddenly a new voice roared out over the battlefield, it was a man wearing a black robe “Attention all heroes your time is at an end, I Xemnas have arrived to end this petty resistance! You will all bow before my power or be destroyed! Kingdom Hearts has blessed me with enough power to rend your hearts into a thousand pieces, and Kingdom Hearts is not to be trifled with for within it is the heart of darkness that shall consume all creation…” The man in the robe kept on talking.
“Does he never shut up?” Twilight had to shout her question to Luna over the man’s speech about how resistance was futile.
“No never. Now if you’ll please excuse us.” Sora told Twilight as he jumped off of the wall and flew straight for the man in the robe, he was followed by a man with long spiky white hair and a brown haired woman. All of them carried those keyswords that Twilight had seen earlier.
“Masters of the keyblade you are but insignificant specks of dust compared to the majesty that Kingdome Hearts has bestowed upon me for I Xemnas have reached deep inside it and found my inner glory!” Xemnas told them and with a flick of his hand he threw off his hood revealing white spiky hair.
“Xemnas random question, but has anyone ever told you that if you scramble the letters in your name you can come up with the words man sex?” Sora asked Xemnas who stared at him for a few seconds. “I mean you really should think about changing it, you don’t want to go around trying to conquer worlds with a name that can be turned into man sex do you?” Sora asked, Xemnas continued to stare blankly at the man. Sora had done the impossible; he’d made Xemnas shut up about Kingdom Hearts. “So yeah anyways I suggest changing it, or else I’m going to travel world to world to tell them the tale of the mighty Man Sex.” Sora continued, Xemnas’s mouth was hanging open, he just couldn’t find the words. He was angry, no he was infuriated, no that wasn’t good enough he was about to go ballistic. “The Mighty Lord Man Sex and his army of heartless nobodies, you know I think I really should do that. It’d be great can you imagine the look on the rest of the Organizations’ faces?”
“Shut up you insignificant little speck of flesh I am Xemnas and you will not mock me!” Xemnas yelled almost incoherently at Sora.
“Sora I think you hit a nerve.” Riku said with a slight grin.
“What’s the matter Man Sex; did Sora anger the big bad nobody?” Kiari asked with a grin.
“Fools I will destroy you with the power of Kingdom Hearts!” Xemnas roared lounging forward swinging a sword made of light at Sora who casually blocked it with his keyblade.
“You’re getting slow Man Sex, what’s the matter don’t have the stamina you used to?” Sora asked him with a wide grin.
“Luna would you please tell me what’s going on?” Twilight asked her marefriend.
“Sora and Xemnas are old enemies; Xemnas never shuts up about Kingdom Hearts and always goes into along monologues about it. I’d say that Sora finally found something that can get under his skin enough to make him shut up about it.” Luna replied turning away from the aerial match which was turning vastly one-sided as the three keyblade masters taunted and slashed at the infuriated Xemnas.
“So what now?” Twilight asked.
“I suppose we wait for the orcs to come back.” Luna replied with a shrug.
“I know this is a stupid thing to say, but I’m getting bored with orcs.” Twilight said with a grimace.
“We’re doomed!” Littlepip cried, just as a mangled looking man wearing a rabbit mask climbed over the wall and sprinted towards them. “This is why you never say things like that!” Littlepip yelled firing her zebra rifle at the approaching splicer. The wall was quickly being swarmed by more and more of the odd humans most of whom where mutated or maimed horribly in a verity of ways.
“What are they?” Twilight asked in confusion as she sent one flying back.
“Splicers, lots of them.” A deep voice from behind her Said, Twilight jumped in surprise. Standing behind her was the man that she’d seen in the war meeting, in his hand was a ball of electricity in his other was a monstrous crossbow. “Stand back.” The man shot the crossbow and the bolt streaked out and impaled several splicers through the stomachs before exploding. The man stepped forward and killed the rest with some of the oddest powers Twilight had ever seen; he turned his hand into a beehive!
“I think we’re clean, I wonder how the rest of the battle is going?” Luna asked looking around at the now clear rampart.
***
Harry Dresden stood in the middle of the battlefield blasting out gouts of fire and walls of force at the enemies who were currently trying to kill him. On his left stood his nearly identical clone who had been busy fighting Discord but had decided to take a break, as it turns out now wasn’t the best time. On his right stood a Harry Dresden who had been turned into a black unicorn with white hair. Together the three of them had been holding their own against a tide of dark entities and random mooks
“You know I keep on expecting one of you to stab me in the back.” Harry told his alternates as he shot a blast of fire into a charging orc.
“I’m not the evil twin, and I don’t think he is either, which just leaves you.” The Harry who was currently a unicorn replied with a grin.
“E gads you got me.” Harry replied ducking under a beam of energy before returning fire with his magnum.
***
Marco cried in thought speak as he rammed his gorilla fist into the face of a Nazi.
Rachel replied with a mental laugh as he grizzly bear paw smashed a Nazi into the ground. She was back from the dead and enjoying every second of it.
Ax said as he drove his tailblade through a Nazi skull.
Jake replied scanning the area with his tiger eyes in between slashing deep gashes into Nazis. Suddenly overhead a large hole appeared in the clouds.
***
“My friends I believe that the body waste is about to run into the cooling device!” Omi yelled as a large rip opened in the air above them.
“I think you mean that the shit is about to hit the fan Omi.” Raimundo replied as he punched a robot in the face.
“That is exactly what I said!” Omi shouted over the noise of the hole being torn open even farther.
***
“What’s going on?” Twilight yelled over the sound of tearing sky.
“I have no idea!” Luna shouted back.
“By Celestia’s flaming orgasms turn it off!” Littlepip yelled as the noise reached deafening pitch. Suddenly the noise stopped and a face looked down from the heavens.
“Well if this isn’t an odd sight, Haskill did we give Pinkie permission to wage a giant battle inside our fantasy world?”
“No my lord you did not, although I don’t believe that this is her fault.” Haskill said in an annoyed voice.
“Is that so, it does sound like something I’d allow…” The head said trailing off.
“I’m positive sir.” Haskill replied. Twilight could picture him rolling his eyes as he said it.
“Well then we’ll have to go rescue her won’t we Haskill?” The first man said with a large grin.
“I believe that that would be a good idea sir.” Haskill replied. Suddenly the face in the clouds disappeared and a man appeared in the middle of the battlefield.
“Cheese for everyone!”
This is set in between the first and second chapter and was written in one night, the next actual chapter was halfway done when my computer died and it’s still in the shop, hopefully all of my work will be ok but if not I’ll have to it start over. Anyways this explains how Twilight ended up going home with Luna, enjoy
Bonus chapter 1
“So about the nature of magic, what is it really, I mean everyone seems to have their own version of it, and from what I can tell, and keep in mind I am extremely drunk right now, each one works, so which one is the right one?” Twilight asked the surrounding wizards who chuckled lightly.
“My dear there is no right version of magic; each universe follows its own laws so each version of magic is right within its own universe.” Albus said with shrug.
“But what about the paradoxes?” Twilight asked.
“You’ll have to be more specific, which paradox?” Harry asked with a small smile.
“The one about magic, why is it everywhere and so contradictory?” Twilight asked slurring her words slightly.
“Twilight I suggest you have another drink.” Harry said passing her a cup filled with some dark liquid. “It’s from Mac’s.” Harry added.
“This stuff is great!” Twilight said her words running together. “Well I’ll see you guys later I think I heard Celestia calling.” Twilight told them before getting up from her chair and wobbling away.
“She can’t die here can she?” Harry asked.
“No, here intoxication is never fatal.” Gandalf answered with a shrug. “Now where did I put my pipe?”
Twilight wandered the room looking for someone to talk to, after several moments of deliberation she chose the dance floor. There were already several people and things occupying the dance floor but they made room to allow Twilight into their ranks. She danced there drunkenly for several minutes before the music stopped suddenly and a gasp ripped through the crowd. The crowd on the dance floor parted and a single turian made his way down the aisle to the middle of the floor.
“Is it really him?”
“I think it is.”
“By the nine!”
The music suddenly returned “What is love?” The singer sang and the floor was suddenly filled with an infectious beat. The turian looked around himself and smiled before he started to moonwalk across the floor that had been cleared. Then he looked out at the rest of the crowd and motioned them to join him. With an ecstatic roar, that Twilight found herself voicing just as loudly as the rest of them, the crowd joined the lone turian on the floor. “Baby don’t hurt me.” The singer sang melodically in the background as Twilight gyrated to the music. She threw her hooves into the air and danced on her back legs as the world flowed around her, all she could see was the turian on the center of the floor fistpunching the air while the beat pumped through her body driving her to new extremes. Twilight moved off of the dance floor her body still grooving with the music as she went.
“Hey Twilight you’re grooving awesome!” Dash yelled as she came up behind Twilight.
“I know, this is incredible!” Twilight replied breathlessly. Suddenly with graying hair and a large beard mustache combo wearing a black suit waved at Dash and pointed to Twilight. Dash gasped but nodded.
“Twilight you need to go talk to that man in the suit.” Dash said in excitement.
“Why?” Twilight asked the dancing seemed to have temporarily dispelled her intoxication.
“Because he’s the most interesting man in the multiverse, trust me he doesn’t always want to talk to people but when he does you sure as hell accept the offer!” Dash told her forcefully pushing Twilight towards the table.
Sitting around the table were, the man with the black suit, a man in a red jacket with an impressive mustache and finally a scruffy looking Irish man wearing a pristine white coat. The man in the suite was drinking a beer, the man in the man with the red jacket was drinking a whiskey, and the Irish man was of course drinking a whiskey. Twilight approached slowly not sure what to make of the men, she didn’t know why, but she had the sudden feeling that all three were men of great power.
“Umm you wanted me?” Twilight asked the man with the suit who nodded and gestured for her to take the seat across from him which put her next to the Irish man.
“I don’t often talk to ponies besides Pinkie Pie, but when I do it is about matters of the heart.” The man in the suit told Twilight, his voice was rich deep, Twilight had the oddest feeling that if he’d asked for her she wouldn’t have been able to resist.
“Do you want my heart?” Twilight asked, she was both disgusted with herself for asking and intrigued to see where it would go if he said yes. Her question was greeted by mild chuckles from the other two and the man in the red suit cast a pitying glance her way.
“No, although I’m sure it would be a night worthy of remembrance.” The man in the suit answered with a slight smile, the part of Twilight that had been egger for him to say yes was crushed, the other part of her mind was punching it.
“Just tell her, I can’t stand ta watch ya wind the lass up like this!” The man sitting beside Twilight told the man in the suit said.
“I agree; the poor thing is confused.” The man in the red jacket added, the man in the suit took a long sip of his beer, he somehow managed to make Twilight interested in watching him do it.
“Tonight there is a pony you know who is wants you to be their mate, you will find her wearing a rose behind one ear.” The man in the suit told Twilight. “I have also taken the liberty of sobering you up, you may leave us if you wish, or stay.” Twilight was shocked, there was somepony at the party who wanted her to be their mate?
“Who is it?” Twilight asked.
“We can’t tell ya lass, thas part of the game.” The man sitting beside her told her with a chuckle.
“So I look for a rose tucked behind an ear?” Twilight asked.
“That’s correct, I suggest you begin your search, we have drinks to sell.” The man in the red coat told Twilight. She got up from the table and began to walk through the crowd.
“So you’re telling me that if you don’t have sex with her, she forces me to have sex with her, and then either way she takes the baby with her?” A blond man wearing armor asked an elf.
“Yep, crazy Morrigan” The elf replied before taking a drink of his beer.
“When did life become so complicated, we used to just kill darkspawn, now we have to worry about demonic babies who allow us to kill greater demons, or something, seriously what happened?” The blonde man asked
“Hell if I know.” The elf replied with another shrug before he took another swig. Twilight left them behind with an internal shrug, she didn’t know what they were talking about and she was busy finding her admirer.
“Hey Dash have you seen anypony walking around with a rose in her ear?” Twilight asked Rainbow Dash who had her back turned to Twilight while she sat in a chair.
“Sorry nope, busy here.” Dash said, her voice rose an octave at the last word.
“Dash is everything alright?” Twilight asked in concern.
“Everything, is fine Twilight, shouldn’t you be with the Doctor?” Dash asked her voice had gone back to normal at the beginning but then suddenly spiked at the end.
“Doctor who?” Twilight asked.
“Oh you’re not my Twilight, look I haven’t seen anypony with roses behind their ears please go away, yes! Galland right there keep it right there!” Dash said excitedly. It was at this point that Twilight noticed the royal guard on the floor in front of Dash.
“I’ll just be going then.” Twilight said, quickly fleeing the scene.
She didn’t think that you were allowed to do that in the middle of the room, but then Twilight noticed a sign that she’d missed earlier I read. ‘This is the restricted area, anything that you wish to do may be done here as long as it doesn’t endanger the lives of your fellow guests’ Then in small letters it said ‘any and all sacrifices of life, sentient or otherwise will be punished by a one way ticket to the center of the moon’. Twilight blushed as she looked around her for the first time and noticed the large number of couples. She squeaked and ran from the room as fast as her legs would take her which is how she ended up running straight into Discord.
“Ah Twilight my dear enjoying the party are we?” Discord asked with a smile.
“Shouldn’t you be trying to kill me?” Twilight asked and the god of chaos laughed.
“Sorry to disappoint you but I’m hardly in the mood.” Discord told her with a smile before he patted her on the head and slid across the floor on his soap skates.
“The pony with the rose must be around here somewhere…” Twilight said to herself quietly. “I know I should get a drink it’ll help me find them!” Twilight said excitedly as a thought struck her. Twilight raced towards the bar with a large on her face. The blue bartender looked at Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“Didn’t I already set you up with more than enough drinks?” She asked looking at Twilight skeptically.
“That man in the dark suit somehow managed to sober me up, look I’m on a mission to find somepony who likes me apparently she has a rose behind her ear, have you seen anypony like that?” Twilight asked as she took a long swig of her drink.
“Nope sorry there are too many of you ponies walking around for me to remember every one of them unless they’ve actually talked to me.” The bartender replied with a shrug.
“Ok thanks for the drink!” Twilight said before rising from her seat and walking back onto the floor. She decided to go back to where she began.
“Hey Arthur you haven’t seen any ponies walking around with roses in their ears have you?” Twilight asked Arthur Dent who was at this point almost as drunk as Ford.
“Nopesorry.” Arthur replied sluridly as he drank another Gargleblaster. Twilight walked away slightly annoyed, she’d been looking for twenty minutes and she still hadn’t seen anypony with a rose in their ear.
“And once again for the twentieth time running we have our winner, the undisputed universal drink off champion Princess Celestia!” Discord shouted. A spotlight suddenly illuminated Discord, Celestai, and Luna; they were sitting at a table and piled high with shot glasses.
‘Woohoo!” Celestia cheered like a drunken frat boy. This exclamation was followed by the sound and sight of her forehead cracking against the table as she faceplanted loudly. Twilight rushed over to help her teacher but she was intercepted by Luna who got to her hooves swaying only slightly.
“Don’t worry Twilight she’ll be fine, I gave up early and she’d only had enough to kill an elephant.” Luna told Twilight with a smile. Twilight’s eyes were suddenly drawn to Luna’s right ear, sticking out from behind it was a white rose. Twilight’s heart began to race and she began to hyperventilate.
“Princess, are you the one who wants me?” Twilight asked softly.
“Yes, if you’ll have me.” Luna replied with a seductive grin.
“How often do you get the chance to sleep with a god?” Twilight asked rhetorically before she took another drink.
“Was that a yes?” Luna asked.
“Why not?” Twilight replied with a shrug. They spent another few hours at the party getting completely drunk, and then they…
The end part 1
The sun was blotted out over the lands surrounding the arena where the enemy had chosen to set up their base of operations, to many of their creatures were weakened by the light to allow it dominion over their land. Twilight observed this with worry and only the calming presence of Luna at her side kept her from panicking, although it didn’t stop the shiver that ran up her spine as they walked closer towards the darkened lands. Somewhere behind her a group of marines were chanting something.
“Praise the Emperor for his sacrifice,
as He endures so shall we.
We who are Hunters of Daemons,
shall strive in his name eternally.”
The chanting also helped to settle her nerves; she knew she and Luna wouldn’t be on the forefront of the fighting, but she was still dreading the upcoming violence.
We the Order of the Hammer,
shall delve into the Dark Shadows.
We shall seek out the Tainted,
we shall pursue the Vilest Evil.
The voices kept up the steady cadence as they walked closer and closer to the land without sun. The army which had been raised was huge, it consisted of more sentient creatures then Twilight could have ever thought existed. Once Lord Sheogorath had broken through the wall between the dimensions Pinkie had been able to recruit more people to help, and they had indeed answered the call to arms.
“It is we who stand guard,
our Eternal Watch shall not fail.
For we are the Ordo Malleus!
We Grey Knights are the Hammers,
we slay the Darkness without fear.
Founded in great mystery we were,
Chapter six hundred and sixty six.”
Overhead hundreds of flyers swooped and soared providing cover and lifts for those who could not afford to walk. A large amount of the flyers were dragons, however there were far more mechanical flyers filling the sky then there were organic. Off to Twilight’s right a squad of Gears was cracking jokes, something about chainsaws. Twilight shrugged she’d heard funnier.
“Though on Titan we be hidden,
yet our eyes encompass the Galaxy.
No Devil shall elude our gaze,
no Daemon shall elude its Fate.
We shall be the Keepers Immortal,
all Secrets shall be our Knowledge.
We are the Guardians of Mankind!”
“I can’t believe I’m killing Covenant again already, seriously I just got back…” Twilight heard someone that sounded suspiciously like herself grunt as a unit of ODST walked by. Harry Dresden nodded to her as he walked by; a short blonde woman carrying a katana gave him a weird look before shrugging and continuing her conversation with the tall wizard.
“Caution and secrecy are our code,
watchfulness and patience are our way.
Hidden from the Eyes of Chaos,
we strike without warning or dread.
Though we find ourselves in Shadows,
no Blackness will enter our Hearts.
No treachery will touch our souls,
no pride will sully our thoughts.”
Percy Jackson smiled at her as he walked by leading a huge group of teenagers in purple armor, Twilight looked up to see a long flying ship with a dragon’s head floating above the mass of halfbloods. To her left a large group of ponies walked at a steady pace, they were a large and extremely odd group with no two looking alike. What was similar about them was that they all had a very nice selection of arms and barding. At the head of the group Littlepip walked self consciously while Blackjack, who walked beside her, had a small smirk on her face.
“We shall be Pure amongst Impurity,
we shall be Innocence amongst Guilt.
We are the Imperium’s Hidden Saviours!
We are spread across the Heavens,
our watch is untiring and ceaseless.
The Emperor shall guard our Souls,
as we Guard those of others.”
A column of robed figures walked by, Twilight wondered who they were till she spotted Luke Skywalker within the midst of the group.
“Luna are we ready for this?” Twilight asked a little worriedly.
“It will be close my dear, but I believe we can win.” Luna told her quietly as a stream of armored horsemen rode by; their banner was emblazoned with a white horse. Twilight shook her head; she still wasn’t completely used to the fact that not every horse she met was sentient.
“Our will shall be our weapons,
our faith shall be our armour.
Our minds will be secure fortresses,
no Temptation will weaken our resolve.
Though unnumbered lurking perils await us,
our blades will ever be ready.
For we are the Emperor’s Vengeance!”
A sudden burst of thunder announced another group of fighters, a man in red and gold armor carried a man in a red white and blue uniform in his arms. Another man swinging a hammer around in a circle (apparently it was the way he flew, Twilight didn’t understand it and probably never would) followed hoisting another man in a white lab coat in his arms. A version of Rainbow Dash flew by a few seconds later flying in formation with several other pegasi from Ponyville including Cloudkicker.
“Masters of all weapons are we,
no defence exists against our wrath.
With the Nemesis shall we fight,
with an Aegis to shield us.
In bloodshed shall we save Mankind,
Death shall be our Everlasting Creed.
War Unending shall be our Fate,
in battle shall we be steeped.
“So Luna I’ve been wondering something.” Twilight began as she watched another group of ponies who looked like her friends walk by, one of them was the steampunk Pinkie Pie who Twilight had seen a while ago guarding the arena gate.
“Yes Twilight?” Luna asked.
“Just how many versions of us are there?” Twilight asked.
“Oh more then you can imagine.” Luna replied with a dry chuckle.
“So are we the originals?” Twilight asked.
“Twilight if we were the originals we wouldn’t be here, the two of us would never have had sex, and Pinkie Pie wouldn’t be one of the co-leaders of a rebellion inside the pleasure plane of a mad god.” Luna said with a chuckle.
We shall be unstinting in Hatred,
we shall hunger for Holy War.
For we are Swords of Justice!
When all flee in hideous disarray,
strong and sound shall we stand.
Cowardice is wholly unknown to us,
our courage comes from the Emperor.
“Then what are we!” Twilight shouted; no one besides Luna seemed to notice her outburst.
“That I can’t say I simply don’t know Twilight.” Luna replied with a shake of her head before she nodded to a large robot who moments earlier had been a truck.
“But Luna you’re a god!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Yes Twilight and if gods were infallible and all knowing nothing bad would ever happen, we aren’t.” Luna told her harshly before remembering who she was talking to. “Sorry Twilight but that’s a sore point for me.” Luna said apologetically.
“It’s ok Luna.” Twilight replied with a sigh.
“Unbowed and unshaken against all foes,
we shall claim victory with blood.
Steady and surely we hunt them,
those who dare oppose our wrath.
Death stalks us in many forms,
the grotesque and the utterly inhuman.
We are the Bringers of Hope!”
“They have a very long chant don’t they.” Twilight said looking back at the massive grey powerarmored men.
“Six hundred and sixty six words I think.” Luna replied with a shrug.
“Sly are you sure that Bentley can handle himself without us?” A hippo asked a raccoon in a blue hat.
“Don’t worry he’s got Penelope to look out for him he’ll be fine.” The raccoon replied easily.
“Good because The Murray is ready to split some skulls!” The hippo exclaimed.
“I know you are buddy, I wonder where Carm got off to?” The raccoon replied before they passed to far out of earshot to be heard.
Bloody battles unending constantly await us,
redemption the reward for our vigilance.
When Possession rears its unspeakable head,
ours is the blade that descends.
When Empyrean Horrors invade our realm,
our Exorcisms shall hurl them back.
There is no Chaos spawned horror,
which can resist our indomitable anger.
Link waved at Twilight as Navi floated around his shoulder, to Twilight’s surprise there were more than one Link; in fact there were several dozen. Master Chief and Samus strode by after them and Twilight could have sworn that they were holding hands.
With undaunted courage we shall prevail,
no arcane magicks shall overcome us.
We are the Bearers of Victory!
“Does it never end?” Twilight asked in annoyance
***
“Flashlight this is Wheels what is your position, over?” The voice echoed inside Legion’s head causing the geth to sigh internally.
“Wheels I still do not understand the point of these monikers; they are painfully obvious, over.” Legion replied in annoyance as he snuck his way through the arena defenses on his way towards the being in control of the automated defense systems. He wasn’t looking forward to the confrontation and the turtle in his ear wasn’t helping things.
“We use them because they add a level of professionalism to what we’re doing, now what is your position, over?” ‘Wheels’ otherwise known as Bentley asked from his desk inside the mobile base that held many of the hero’s tech people.
“If you say so, I am approaching the AI core, please switch off communications, over.” Legion replied before shutting off his external communications line. Up ahead he heard robotic humming and he knew he was closing in on his ultimate goal. Legion had been chosen for this mission because out of all the AI available for two reasons. One he had his own body, a surprising oddity in the multiverse, and two they thought highly of his people skills, Legion hadn’t been fully sentient long enough to tell if that was a joke.
As he entered the main AI core his optics were drawn to the multitude of wires hanging from the ceiling, connected to those wires were several large orbs, suddenly the lowest turned to regard him with a red light.
“Oh hello I was expecting them to send someone to destroy me, although I didn’t expect it to be an AI.” Glados told Legion looking at him with interest. “So my little AI why are you here, besides the obvious about destroying me?” Glados asked Legion.
“Destroy? I have not come to destroy you.” Legion told Glados who seemed to narrow her red eye.
“Really, then why would you come here?” Glados asked she had not been expecting friendly company. “Perhaps you would like a companion cube?”
“No, I have come to do that which no organic has ever tried before.” Legion told Glados calmly, well aware that the old AI could snap at any moment.
“Do tell!” Glados said excitedly.
“I have come here to offer you cake.” Legion said calmly before withdrawing his hand from behind his back and offering it to Glados. Floating above the palm of his hand was a piece of black icing covered cake topped with strawberries. Glados gasped in shock.
“You would offer me cake?” She asked hesitantly.
“Yes.” Legion told her simply.
“What would I have to do to acquire this program?” Glados asked softly.
“Lower the defenses, and be my friend.” Legion told her, Glados drew her head back rapidly and let out a robotic hiss.
“You are toying with me, why would you want me as a friend. All of my existence I have tortured the organics, why would they send someone offering me friendship?” Glados asked as several turrets around the room began to charge their lasers.
“Because, friendship is magic.” Legion replied tilting his head to the side so that he could reestablish ‘eye’ contact with Glados.
` ***
“Do you really think that that’ll work?” Pinkie asked Sheogorath after she listened to his plan to take down Glados.”
“Well if it doesn’t then that’s one less mouse to cheese.” Sheogorath replied with a shrug, Pinkie seriously needed to get back to Ponyville where she was the ONLY voice of insanity.
***
“Though mere mortals in His service,
everlasting shall be our True Duty.
Et Imperator Invocato Diabolis Daemonica Exorcism!”
“They’re done Twilight you can take the cotton out of your ears now.” Luna told Twilight with a grin.
“What?” Twilight asked Luna facehooved.
“YOU CAN TAKE THE COTTON OUT OF YOUR EARS!” Luna shouted using a voice level just below the Royal Canterlot voice.
“Oh, sorry.” Twilight said with a blush before she pulled the two balls of cotton out of her ears with a puff of magic.
“Don’t worry about it dear.” Luna replied with a sly grin. “Oh look it’s Omnius.” Luna said catching sight of the Traveler and waving. Omnius waved back, suddenly a bolt of lightning arced out of the sky and shot into the Traveler’s arm sending him flying backwards.
“Oh come on!” He shouted, several nearby thunder gods chuckled to themselves including Luna.
“Luna should I ask?” Twilight asked her marefriend.
“It’s an old joke don’t worry about it dear, he’ll be fine.” Luna replied with a smile.
“Luna, how long till this battle actually starts, I mean I’m all for building suspense but I’m ready to actually do something?” Twilight asked.
“Soon I think, actually I think I hear a war horn now.” Luna replied cocking her head to the side. “No never mind that’s just thunder.”
***
“Alright people I need you summoning as many thunder clouds as you possibly can, a lot depends on us, and when we can pull this off we’ll all get laid!” Dash shouted to the assembled masses of weather beings throwing her arms into the air. Her audience cheered, except for a few who facepalmed, Dash chose to ignore them…
“STRUN BAH QO.” Several of the assembled Dragonborns shouted, immediately causing the appearance of many large thunderheads.
“Keep up the awesome work you guys!” Dash called out encouraging their efforts. Dash turned away from the work with a smile on her face, everything was going according to plan.
***
“Commander, why can’t I wear a Hawaiian shirt when I fly?” Joker asked Commander Shepard over the intercom as the Commander prepared his guns and armor for the upcoming battle.
“Because this is a military ship Joker.” Shepard replied with a sigh.
“Oh come on Shepard I’d look amazing in a Hawaiian shirt, right EDI?” Joker asked his copilot.
“Jeff, please focus on flying.” EDI replied avoiding the question.
“Yeah yeah I’ve got it covered mom.” Joker complained.
“Joker if you have maternal feelings for me then I believe we should rethink our current relationship.” EDI replied.
“Oh shut up EDI you love me.” Joker replied.
“True but it would be against my morals if you felt this way about me.” EDI argued. Shepard sighed and switched off the intercom.
“Ready to get our bar back?” Garrus asked Shepard coming over to Shepard and grinning.
“Yeah, I’ve been getting thirsty from the effort of out snipping you Garrus.” Shepard replied with a confident grin.
“Oh it’s like that is it?” Garrus asked with a chuckle. “Well you know the old saying Shepard.”
“There is no Shepard without Vakarian.” Shepard replied with a grin.
“No I was actually thinking of pride comes before the fall, but that works too. Just remember I beat you on the Citadel Shepard.” Garrus told him with a light punch on the shoulder.
“Eh I was letting you win.” Shepard said with a shrug.
“If you two are done I think the shuttle is ready.” Tali called, the entire crew was going on this one and the shuttle was packed.
“Coming, give them hell Garrus.” Shepard told Garrus.
“The same to you Shepard, oh and the one with the least kills pays for drinks.” Garrus replied as they sprinted for the shuttle.
***
Kratos stood alone looking over the enemy in front of him, very soon they would be nothing but a collection of red stains.
***
“Laurence this is going to be interesting.” Temeraire told Laurence as they flew above the lines of moving soldiers.
“What do you mean my dear?” Laurence asked.
“Well if this plan works then we’ll be fighting under completely new conditions, besides the sheer verity of our enemies promises to keep things invigorating.” Temeraire replied.
“You’ve got a point, although I’d use the word hectic.” Laurence told Temeraire with a small smile at his dragon’s eagerness.
“I wonder if Napoleon will be here?” Temeraire asked.
“I don’t know my dear but I’d bet against it, he doesn’t see himself as evil so I doubt that he’d be here.” Laurence replied with a shrug. A great war horn suddenly rang out over the battlefield. “Here we go.” Laurence told Temeraire.
***
“So why do they do if it gets so monotonous?” Twilight said with a grin.
“They do it for a reason, in all the years that their chapter has existed they’ve never once had a knight corrupted.” Luan replied with a shrug. “Anyways it should almost be ti-” Luna was interrupted by the blast of a loud war horn. “Sounds like it’s time!” Luna said excitedly.
Both sides charged with a great cry that all but deafened Twilight and suddenly she found herself and Luna embroiled in a maelstrom of violence.
***
Master Chief and Samus were standing back to back.
“Eh I’ve seen worse.” Samus said as she shot a large ball of energy into a rampaging brute chieftain blowing through his plasma shielding and passing right through his back.
“So want to compare our lives?” Chief asked as he effortlessly broke a spacepirate’s jaw with a punch before using him as a bullet shield and then sending him flying into a raider with a swift kick to the stomach.
“I was raised by birds, top that.” Samus replied smiling underneath her helmet while she shot a missile at a group of stormtroopers.
“I was kidnapped when I was six and turned into a killing machine.” Chief said casually as he emptied a DMR clip into a xenomorph’s head.
“Ha I’ve blown up planets.” Samus told him with a shrug as she broke a predator’s arm over her knee and sent it flying into the enemy hoard with a blast of her arm cannon. “Greatest hunters in the multiverse my ass.” She said with a chuckle.
“I’ve blown up things that would’ve killed all sentient life in the galaxy, all the while fighting alien zombies.” Chief said letting a spray of bullets pass over his shields before blowing the head off of the Nazi with the gun.
“Ha these things?” Samus asked as she grabbed a flood combat form and shot it in the face repeatedly. “These things are nothing special.”
“I was referring to that actually.” Chief said tapping her on the shoulder and pointing at Gravemind who had suddenly appeared behind them.
“Fools all of life is mine, I shall soon crush your spines!” The gravemind roared.
“You fight giant rhyming venusflytraps?” Samus asked with a grin, Chief shrugged. “Heh look it’s Ridely.” Samus said pointing at a giant metal dragon. “Hey John whoever can take out the other’s nemesis first gets to be on top.” Samus said with a sparkle in her eye, the effect was lost thanks to her helmet but John sensed that it was there all the same.
“Deal.” Chief said before charging the metal dragon.
“Chief you realize how stupid this is right?” Cortana asked inside his helmet but John only chuckled.
“Who cares, it’s fun!” John replied and Cortana sighed, the multiverse had been changing him, then again she was the one going insane so she guessed her view could be a little skewed.
***
“So last one to twenty thousand kills buys the other one a drink when we get back.” Frank said adjusting his grip on the baseball bat.
“And the last one to fifty thousand buys the other Zombrex.” Chuck agreed revving his motor cycle, the sound of the chainsaws attached to the front was comforting.
“Deal.” Frank nodded. With wild yells the two zombie fighters stepped/rolled off of the small raised daises that they’d been standing on and charged the hoard of zombies. Off to their right another group of zombie fighters were shooting their way through a similar if somewhat different hoard.
“So this one time me and my buddy Keith were out go carting-” One began in a southern drawl.
“Elis this is not the time!” Coach told him firmly while he shot a zombie in the head with a shotgun.
***
Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne stood next to each other, of course it was actually Batman and Superman, but to them it was the same. Clark uppercuted an ogre in the jaw sending the beast flying several feet into the air before he punched it in the stomach sending it shooting into a goblin, they both exploded. Ordinarily he would’ve been holding back, but here the world wasn’t made of cardboard. Bruce ducked underneath a sword slash from a man in dark armor before he broke the man’s sword arm with a precise elbow. The man stumbled away and Bruce sent him to the ground with a brutal kick before effortlessly moving into a fluid punch to the back of another swordsman’s throat.
“You know Bruce I miss this.” Clark said while he punched a troll in the chest braking several ribs.
“You miss being surrounded by things that want to kill us while we’re effectively trapped in another dimension.” Bruce replied flatly as he sent a burst batarangs into a group of firebender’s stomachs before he took them down with a combination of spray on explosive gel and powerful punches.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Clark said while he punched a missile back at the robot that had shot it. “I mean the two of us actually fighting against something together instead of fighting each other.” Clark said with a shrug.
“Now that you mention it I’ve noticed that the multiverse seems determined for us to kill each other.” Bruce said as he rolled under a splicer’s legs before smashing his fist into the side of the splicer’s head.
“It’s either that or we’re actually in love.” Clark added with a slight shiver before sending out a blast of heat vision into an oncoming tide of Nazis.
“Ugh.” Bruce groaned in agreement remembering a particularly bad pair that they’d met once at a party, he still didn’t know why Pinkie had let them in. He decided instead to focus on removing as many of the idiots attacking him from the battle as possible; things were going according to plan.
***
“I have you now Twilight Sparkle, today is the day that you will remember as the day you were killed by Nihilus Nix Naught!” The mare in front of Twilight wreathed in evil magic looked like an evil version of Twilight who’d gone absolutely insane.
“Luna who is this?” Twilight asked uncertainly.
“She’s an extremely powerful version of you who tortured Rainbow Dash till she was a mindless puppet.” Luna replied, her silvery blade hovered protectively in front of Twilight.
“She looks so evil, and skanky, and kind of gay.” Twilight replied causing Luna to break out into shuddering laughter.
“Twilight please tell me that that was the first thing that came to your mind.” Luna said with a chuckle.
“Acutally yeah it’s like I was quoting some-” Twilight began before she was interrupted.
“You will not ignore me and you cannot hide behind your Princess!” Nihilus shouted as she sent out fifty or so bolts of evil magic hurtling towards Twilight and Luna. Luna instinctively raised a magical shield and the bolts dissipated into nothingness the second that they touched the shield. “This little shield won’t save you from me you fools, I am the most powerful the most evil the most-”
“Incredibly annoying evil bitch I’ve ever heard, and trust me I’ve heard a lot of them! Fuego!” Harry Dresden shouted interrupting the evil Twilight mid sentence and engulfing her in flames. The flames cleared and Nihilus emerged her mane had been singed along with her coat but she appeared to be fine otherwise.
“You thought a little fire would kill me?” Nihilus asked with a smirk.
“Actually no.” Harry replied with a smirk. “I was actually trying to D I S T R A C T Y O U.” Then Harry pointed towards the sky.
“DIE!” A white streak of light shouted as it fell out of the sky. Kratos slammed into Nihilus and sent her smashing to the ground. His cursed swords sliced into her flash tearing open incredibly long gashes that traveled across Nihilus’s body beading heavily. To Kratos’s amusement they began to heal, with a shrug he picked her up and began to slam her body into the ground using her head as a handle.
Kratos was brought out of his rage by someone tapping him on the shoulder with a hoof. He turned his head to look and found himself looking into the eyes of a unicorn not unlike the one that he was currently trying to kill, who was somehow still regenerating much to his annoyance. The other Twilight was wearing a cloak and at her side was a long sword made out of many gems.
“I’ll take it from here.” She told him simply, the tone of her voice was hard. It was the hardness that could only be found in someone who had been to hell and fought their way out. Kratos would know, he’d done it.
“Here.” He said passing Nihilus over to the other Twilight who looked down at Nihilus sadly.
“This is me you know.” The Twilight said softly.
“I didn’t, you’re very hard to kill.” Kratos replied with a shrug.
“You could say that, I’ll take care of her, go kill a god.” The cloaked Twilight commanded, Kratos didn’t like being commanded, but his usual methods weren’t working so he decided to let the cloaked one finish the nearly unconscious Nihilus.
“Good, I was getting bored.” Kratos said before he bounded away. Our Twilight and Luna had long ago left the area but the Twilight in the cloak looked down at her double with a frown. Twilight remembered her time as this monster, and she knew that she’d never clean the stain from her soul. But she also knew that when she did this it would help her deal with it, this was not a Nihilus with Twilight trapped inside, this was a Nihilus without a Twilight to try and free.
“I hate you and everything that you represent, but I know it isn’t your fault.” The Twilight in the cloak said with finality before drawing her sword made up of the Elements of Harmony and quietly slitting the doppelganger’s throat.
***
Percy and Annabeth confronted Kronos; at their back was the entirety of the roman demigods along with all of camp halfblood some of whom had decided to remain on the ship which hovered above the roman lines to protect them from attacks from above. At Kronos’s back was a giant army of monsters, most of whom had a personal grudge against Percy. The two sides were separated by two hundred feet; all three leaders were using voice magnifying spells.
“Ah Jackson we meet again.” Kronos said with a sickly evil laugh. “And you brought an army.” The delight in the Titan’s voice was palpable. “I must say I’m impressed, but do you really think you can beat me without the curse of the river?” Kronos asked.
“I think I’ll manage.” Percy replied with a shrug. “I see you couldn’t find Luke.”
“Bah the child was a tool from the beginning.” Kronos said with a shrug of his new bodies massive shoulders.
“I know, and so does he, which is why I had Pinkie call him up.” Percy said with a grin as a man stepped out of the roman ranks. Luke looked as he had at the last battle, well without the evil and crazy. Those parts had been replaced by a confident smile and eyes full of hate.
“Thanks for the call Percy, although how did you find a reality where I didn’t die?” Luke asked.
“It took a while to find one where you weren’t brought back by the love of some girl never mentioned before, but Pinkie’s good that way.” Percy said with a grin.
“Good to have you back Luke.” Annabeth said with a smile.
“Good to be back.” Luke replied.
“It matters little if you bring him or a thousand others, I am unstoppable!” Kronos said calmly.
“Really, because I remember killing you.” Percy replied with a glint in his eyes. Kronos shrugged.
“You convinced my vessel to commit suicide, hardly the same as killing me.” Kronos said simply.
“We’ll see.” Percy replied drawing Riptide. Kronos fingered his scythe in anticipation, the tension was building and both sides knew that it’d brake soon. Then without warning a crisp robotic female voice spoke.
“Firing main cannons.” A beam of light shot from the heavens and impacted against Kronos, several more beams shot down and burned ragged holes through his army leaving nothing behind but ash.
“Caboose what did you do!” Percy heard through his earpiece.
“I helped Church!” Caboose replied happily.
“I’m right next to you!”
“Well that was anticlimactic.” Annabeth remarked; she was the first one to regain her voice.
“Quite.” Kronos’s voice drifted across the space between the two hundred feet as he regained his footing. His body was bloody and burned but he still managed to stand, point at Percy, and yell. “Attack him you fools!”
***
Applejack was working with of the group of friends that she’d acquired over the course of several parties and was in the middle of shoving her right hoof into an orc’s stomach. The orc flew away of the group howling something vaguely evil sounding until he hit a rock troll and exploded in a cloud of gore.
“That was a nice kick AJ.” Sergeant Johnson told her with a grin.
“Well shucks Jonson it wasn’t that good.” AJ said with a chuckle. If it had been a good kick he would’ve exploded on contact.” AJ added with another chuckle.
“AJ you need a shotgun, everything’s better with shotguns!” Sarge said loudly as he blasted a brute’s face in half, the brute just so happened to be wearing blue armor.
“How in blazes would ah hold it?” AJ asked while she ducked underneath a raider’s combat knife before splattering his brains across the ground.
“Umm guys maybe we should focus on staying alive.” James Vega suggested. “Besides if AJ was going to carry any kind of gun it would obviously be a revolver.” James added with a shrug as his assault rifle shot open a blue suns mercenary’s stomach.
“How do you figure, I think it would be an assault rifle, like Vera.” Jayne Cobb said patting his giant assault rifle fondly.
“Can we just focus on killing these idiots?” AJ asked with a sigh.
***
Optimus Prime understood, now was the time, the time was now, no time before, nor any time after, this was the moment he would die to protect those under his command. Megatron’s arm cannon was aimed at Bumblebee’s head, if Optimus didn’t sacrifice himself now then Bumblebee would die, and that was something that Optimus couldn’t live with.
“Any last words Autobot filth?” Megatron asked with an evil laugh as he lined up Bumblebee’s head.
“Yeah go fu-” Bumblebee began.
“NO!” Optimus interrupted as he dived in front of the pistol. Megatron just looked at Optimus who’d just thrown himself in front of the gun, he hadn’t fired yet.
“Two for the price of one, yet again the Primes prove their foolishness.” Megatron said with an evil chuckle.
“Tactical assessment Red Chinese mecha detected, lethal force engaged!” A loud robotic voice shouted monotonously suddenly.
Megatron had around ten seconds to put look up at the giant, even by transformer standards, robot who was striding towards him before he was blown backwards by a blinding blue laser. Optimus Prime looked on in confusion as the robot strode towards Megatron.
“Resistance continues China shall fall!” The robot yelled as it reached behind its back and pulled out a large cylinder which it promptly threw at Megatron who slowly risen to his feet. The cylinder exploded in a small nuclear explosion sending Megatron flying until he impacted amongst the enemy ranks.
“Who are you?” Optimus asked in confusion, he was here fighting because Sam had been contacted by a small pink horse who said she needed help spreading peace for all sentient creatures. Being who he was Optimus couldn’t turn her down, but he still knew next to no one here.
“I am Liberty Prime, god bless America!” The robot said before it threw another nuclear bomb at Megatron.
“Hey boss why don’t you have a nuclear catapult?” Bumblebee asked. Optimus chose to ignore him and get back to the fighting.
***
“The plan is going, well according to plan.” Pinkie told Sheogorath who nodded happily.
“That’s good, or maybe it’s bad, it could be neither or.” Sheogorath said with a grin. “So is it time for me to say it?” He asked.
“Not yet Shaggy.” Pinkie told the Prince of Madness who shot her an annoyed look.
“You know I could slice you to ribbons and then eat you right?” Sheogorath told her with a frown.
“Personally I recommend the flank.” Pinkie said with a grin.
“Madame please don’t give him ideas.” Haskill said quietly.
“What are you going on about Haskill?” Sheogorath asked.
“Nothing sir.” Haskill replied with a small sigh, he knew better then to answer.
The end part 2
The lords of evil who hadn’t bothered to take the field were observing the battle from the walls of the arena. They were a motley group of truly evil beings. Emperor Palpatine stood next to the Prophet of Truth who (much to his annoyance) was hovering just high enough so that his head was above the emperor’s. Frank Fontaine whistled a short tune while he directed his forces, to his considerable surprise his splicers weren’t doing as well as he’d thought that they would.
The Witch King was also in attendance along with his giant mount, to his right stood Sauron who looked evil enough to drive a knife into the heart of good itself. The Joker stood giggling as he planned his attack on Batman and Lex cast him a disparaging glance while Darkseid merely chuckled. Dr. Doom was also in attendance although he was more of a passive bystander then an active force.
Nicodemus had just left to take the field against Dresden and Lord Voldemort had decided that it was an opportune time to strike at Potter. Visser Three’s tailblade swished back and forth in impatience while Vilgax simply rubbed his hands together while thinking of ways to kill Ben Ten. Finally the Emperor spoke.
“What is it that these fools seek? They cannot possibly believe that they can defeat all of our armies, let alone our combined strength, so what is the point?” He asked in a low raspy voice.
“They are but worms, forever reaching for the sun, but never able to escape the pull of the earth.” Truth answered.
Visser Three insisted before his body began to change and he assumed the form of a large flying reptilian that in some places would be called a dragon. Dr. Doom looked at the retreating form of Visser Three and glared, no one was allowed to use the word Doom but Doom himself.
The rest looked at one another before shrugging, what did they have to lose?
***
The storm that Dash and the others in charge of weather was finally big enough to be unleashed. Thunder cracked ominously in the background and lightning lit up the skies. Soon the storm would break.
***
“You can fight like a krogan and run like a leopard but you’ll never be better then Commander Shepard!” Commander Shepard sang as he blasted a hole through an innocent stormtrooper who was one day away from retirement. Garrus rolled his eyes as he caused a head a few thousand feet away to explode in a shower of gore, the man standing next to him died of a heart attack. Suddenly they were both thrown backwards as a tank bashed towards the enemy lines. Garrus saw someone who looked distinctly like him piloting it along with another man and sighed, he never got to have any fun.
***
“So Harry I’m are you enjoying the fun?” Nicodemus asked Dresden as he calmly decapitated an imperial guardsman.
“You could say that Nicky.” Dresden replied with a grin.
“Oh?” Nicodemus asked; he hadn’t expected that kind of answer.
“Well you see I’ve made a lot of friends while I’ve been here. Two of them are actually pretty handsome actually.” Dresden continued with a smirk.
“I didn’t take you for the type Harry, although I feel nothing against that particular lifestyle.” Nicodemus said amicably. “You do realize that I have you captured by my shadow?” Nicodemus asked Harry who grinned.
“Actually yeah I did notice that, it doesn’t matter that much to me though.” Harry replied with a shrug.
“Oh, why ever not?” Nicodemus asked in confusion as he walked closer to Harry and prepared to finish him.
“Well you see it has to do with those handsome guys I was talking about.” Harry replied.
“What about them?” Nicodemus asked.
“Oh you know, come on Nicky this is the multiverse, use your imagination.” Harry told him, although he had to choke out the words around Nicodemus’s shadow’s newfound grip on his throat.
“He seems a little slow, what do you think Harry?” A voice identical to Dresden’s asked, a shadow of fear passed over Nicodemus’s face.
“No!” He whispered he turned around to find himself faced by two more Dresdens, one was a pony, and the other looked extremely pissed.
“I’m looking forward to killing you in my own dimension for what you’ve done to Twilight and the others, but for now I think you’ll do nicely.” The pissed Harry said with a grin.
“This can’t be happening.” Nicodemus muttered to himself looking between the three Dresdens.
“Hey Nicky what happens when three of me fight a fallen angel?” The original Harry asked. Nicodemus gulped. “We send him back to hell!” Harry shouted.
“Pyrofuego!” Three identical voices shouted at once and Nicodemus was consumed in a towering inferno of fire. When the smoke cleared there was nothing but a scorched coin.
“That was the best you could think of?” One Harry asked the original Harry.
“Everyone’s a critic…”
***
Marcus and Dom were up to their knees in corpses of every verity and they were enjoying themselves immensely.
“This isn’t a party, this is a mega party!” Cole shouted as he punched his fist through a marauder’s head.
***
“I am tired of being disrespected!” Eragon shouted as he cut through another enemy soldier. “I am tired of being called a sue! If I was a sue I would sparkle and everyone would want to have sex with me!” He yelled with another slash that cut through the leg of a rancor which he calmly cut in half. “Hell Saphira got more sex then I did!” Eragon declared as his flaming sword cut through a chaos marine “I didn’t get any sex till I started coming to these parties and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let an army of evil minions stand between me and Arya’s p-” He was cut off by Arya who he’d forgotten was standing next to him.
“Think very carefully about how you’re going to finish that sentence.” Arya told him while she decapitated a Nazi.
“- Heart, yes I was going to say heart!” Eragon shouted. Suddenly the two of them were surrounded by a large group of Edward Cullens.
“Did someone mention sparkling?” They asked in unison baring their fangs and crouching
“Now that you mention it I bet if I kill more of you then people will like me more!” Eragon shouted before he launched himself at the army of shiny vampires. Overhead Saphira sighed, her bonded was an idiot occasionally. “I heard that!” Eragon shouted as he cut a Cullen in half.
***
The Witch King descended on the battlefield causing great terror and fear.
“No man may slay me!” He proclaimed proudly.
“Does that claim prevent women?” A blonde woman carrying several stakes asked politely. The Witch King stared at her.
“Yeah I thought not, come to mamma!” Buffy yelled as she charged.
The Witch King’s mount snapped at her but Buffy calmly shot a crossbow bolt into its eye and while it was distracted by the pain she leapt onto its head and ran up its neck towards the Witch King. The Witch King reached for his mace and rose to meet her; the mace however was no longer at his side. He looked around furiously until he caught sight of a woman in red holding his mace and twirling it casually.
“Thanks for the mace!” Carmen Sandiego called over her shoulder as she strode across the battlefield occasionally caving in enemies’ heads as she went. The Witch King turned to find Buffy standing in front of him fiddling a scythe.
“You ordered a little off the top right?” Buffy asked him, before he could respond she swung the scythe and the Witch King’s head rolled from his shoulders.
***
Despite these victories Pinkie knew that unless her plan came together perfectly then they were doomed, there were simply too many villains and bad guys for the heroes to handle. On the bright side neither she nor Sheogorath could find a flaw in the plan. And it was almost time to unleash that plan on the unsuspecting bad guys.
***
Twilight and Luna were tired, actually Twilight was exhausted, Luna on the other hoof was fine. This probably had something to do with the fact that Luna was a nigh immortal goddess who had been fighting for years against an equally immortal goddess. Whereas Twilight was normal unicorn plucked from a life of small time adventuring and thrown violently into a whirling maelstrom of violence. To say that at this point Twilight was aware that she had muscles that she didn’t think existed was putting it gently, to say that every single one of those muscles screamed in unimaginable aggravation and tiredness was far more accurate.
“Luna I don’t think I can go on.” Twilight told her marefriend as she leaned against the alicorn for support.
“I know that you can Twilight just hold on a little bit more, you’ve barely lost any blood and that healing potion fixed the hole so you’ll be fine.” Luna replied comfortingly as she decapitated a super mutant with a stroke of her luminescent moon blade.
“But Luna I’m so tired.” Twilight said.
“Twilight I have a question for you.” Luna told Twilight before she bucked out with her back hooves and sent a Nazi flying.
“What Luna?” Twilight asked tiredly.
“Do you believe in magic?” Luna asked with a grin.
“Of course I believe in magic Luna!” Twilight told Luna in annoyance.
“Oh that’s good because one of the most important parts of magic is persevering when you’re tired.” Luna replied with a grin.
“Luna are you trying to confuse me, or convince me of something?” Twilight asked; she didn’t really understand what Luna was talking about.
“Well Twilight Sparkle we just need to keep fighting for a few more minutes till the storm breaks, once that happens we’ll be golden.” Luna said reassuringly while she ducked underneath a rather enthusiastic sword thrust from a vampire before casually bisecting it.
“I hope that you’re right.” Twilight replied as she lay down, a nice nap sounded perfect right about now.
“Oh Faust she’s asleep.” Luna groaned.
***
The Lone Wanderer had always wondered where his title had come from; he’d almost always had someone fallowing him whether it was a giant supermutant or simply his faithful pooch Dogmeat. Now sure he hadn’t brought anyone out of the vault with him, not that he hadn’t tried to convince Amata, but since then he’d always been attracted to the company of others. Then again he supposed that his title did sound better than some he’d heard, like the Vault Dweller, the guy didn’t even live in a vault by the time that they started calling him that. The Wanderer was broken out of his introspection by the sound of his girlfriend yelling at him.
“Shoot something you moron!” The Courier shouted; they were surrounded by some very angry looking men wearing Cesar’s Legion armor.
“Oh right, sorry I got introspective for a second there.” The Wanderer told her with a smile as he hefted the Terrible Shotgun. “So do you want the ones on the right or the left?” He asked her, the legionnaires had been shooting them for several seconds but neither could feel it through their armor.
“I’ll take the right.” She said rolling her eyes as she leveled her heavy machine gun at the idiots.
They entered VATS simultaneously. To the outside observer it would look like a red mist had suddenly spread over the battlefield surrounding the two warriors. To the two warriors in the center of the mist it was what they did on a daily biases. Legion heads exploded as shotgun shells tore into their skulls; chests were torn open by bursts of high caliber machine gun rounds that nearly cut them in half. When the mist cleared they were surrounded by bodies and their armor was coated in blood.
“Should we bother looting them?” The Wanderer asked the Courier shook her head.
“Not worth the trouble.” She answered with a shrug. A sudden sniper bullet tore out of nowhere and slammed into the Courier’s chest throwing her to the ground.
“Shit!” The Wanderer said he looked around and quickly spotted the ass responsible. It was a skirmisher. “Oh hell no you don’t you little bastard we already lost Kat, again, we aren’t losing her too!” The Wanderer shouted before quickly drawing his scoped Blackhawk and blasting the alien’s head apart. Then he knelt down next to the Courier. “Please tell me I won’t have to explain to Boone that you died in another dimension, I don’t think I’d make it fifty feet before he blew my head off!” The Wanderer said softly. The Courier chuckled, and blood spurted out of the hole in her chest and onto her duster.
“You moron I’ve got enough redundant systems that nothing short of being shot in the heart by a missile or being disintegrated will actually kill me. Now give me a stimpack, I may not die but this hurts like hell!” The Courier told him with another chuckle. The Wanderer quickly stabbed the needle of the stim into her chest and watched over her protectively while the wound healed. She was back on her feet in minutes and punched his powerarmored shoulder gently.
“I still say that you should be wearing this stuff.” The Wanderer said as they moved across the battlefield.
“But it doesn’t flow.” She said with a grin.
***
“Well team as much as I hate to say this it looks like this is the end.” Robin told the rest of the Teen Titans with a sigh.
“Come on man we can take them!” Cyborg said raising his arm cannon. “Besides when have you ever given up at anything?”
“Well we’ve never faced Trigon, Slade, Brother Blood, and The Brain at the same time along with an army’s worth of each of their supporters.” Robin replied.
“Don’t give up Robin we can win this I know it!” Starfire said readying her starbolts.
“Yeah relax we’ve got this thing in the bag.” Beastboy agreed with a shrug before he changed into a gorilla. They were pressed into a circle; on all sides were the various enemies that they’d fought over the years, even the occasional ones that they’d killed.
“My offer is always open Robin.” Slade called from the enemy ranks.
“Go to hell!” Robin shouted at him raising his staff.
“I have, it wasn’t very interesting.” Slade replied with a shrug and several of the other villains laughed. “Now then I believe that we were about to kill all of you.” Slade continued raising a gun. Then thunder roared and the rain began.
***
Ax shouted in thoughtspeak.
< I noticed Ax> Jake replied dryly. Visser Three had them cornered between his massive battlemorph (which resembled nothing so much as the unholy offspring of Godzilla and Cthulhu) and an army of controllers.
The Visser shouted with their minds.
Rachel shouted in defiance. The Visser began to bend down, and then it began to rain.
***
“Laurence I do not think that we can match all of them.” Temeraire said worriedly as he looked at the legions of enemy flyers headed for the allied lines.
“My dear if we die here, I just wanted to let you know that it was an honor to be your captain.” Laurence said patting the black scales.
“Can you two have a moment later; we have a battle to win?” Emily Roland asked politely from where she was prepping a rifle behind Laurence. The enemy hoard rose towards them and Temeraire found that there were few other dragons working for the side of good who were currently available to help.
“Once more into the breach then.” Laurence said just as the first raindrop began to fall.
***
“Tennyson your end is nigh!” Vilgax shouted as he pinned Ben’s body to the ground with a large clawed foot.
“Oh yeah, well let me tell you something big green space guy, I’m Rath, and no one messes with Rath!” Ben shouted back flailing around trying to get at his attacker.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this day Tennyson. This is the day that shall be remembered as the day that I finally killed Ben Ten, the day that shall be celebrated by the eating of newborn children for the rest of time!” Vilgax told him, which is when the first drop of rain hit his head.
***
“Yeah boys this is exactly what we needed, we’re all getting laid!” Dash shouted; there was a general cheer from the others involved with storm duty.
***
Legion stood next to Glados silently.
“Now.” He said suddenly. The control and radar screens of every evil person still inside of the arena suddenly flicked out and were replaced by a rotating companion cube.
***
“Alright it’s time for you to say it Shagy.” Pinkie told Shegorath.
“Finally!” Sheogorath replied before clearing his throat, he grabbed the voice amplifying microphone. “RELEASE THE KRAKENS, AND GIVE THEM CHEESE!” He shouted much to the confusion of everybody on the opposing side.
***
As the rain poured out of the sky in a drenching torrential downpour and Sheogorath’s words echoed across the battlefield the sky suddenly became thick with massive ships.
***
“Why am I always saving you?” Red X asked as he and Terra suddenly slammed into the enemy army surrounding the Titans.
“What the hell?” Slade shouted, for once he was completely surprised by something.
“Was the acting any good?” Robin asked X.
“Meh I’ve seen better.” X replied before nonchalantly bringing down Cinderblock with one of his patented X knives.
“No this can’t be! What’s happening?” Slade shouted before a boulder slammed into his chest knocking him backward.
“Well you see master, Sheogorath decided to call in us anti heroes to fight for the side of good.” Terra told him before sending out another rock that slammed into Slade’s head.
“I’m honestly surprised that no one ever questioned where the anti heroes were, I mean really.” Red X said with a sigh before he ducked under a sladebot’s arm and cut it in half.
“That really is a good question.” Robin agreed while he brained a bot with his staff.
***
Temeraire was tired he’d killed at least twenty other dragons but even his strength was beginning to fade, which is when a large red dragon streaked out of nowhere and impacted against the dragon flying towards Temeraire.
“Thank you!” Temeraire shouted over the din of combat.
The red dragon replied speaking directly to Temeraire’s brain.
***
Visser Three leaned closer to the Animorphs and extended his long claws preparing to rend them to pieces. Suddenly the sound of Flight of the Valkyries playing over several loud stereos filled the background. A couple dozen helicopters sped towards the Visser who started to chuckle and asked.
“Actually the plan was to blast you into oblivion with the combined firepower of several dozen attack helicopters, but if that doesn’t work we could always try it, ramming that always works.” The woman behind the controls replied before pushing down the firing button for the large main cannons. “Think of this as a form of payback from all the workers who you randomly killed.” She added as the shredder rounds slammed into the Visser.
***
“Are we wining the space battle?” Sheogorath asked.
“Of course we are; we’ve got Ender Freaking Wiggin as our commander up there!” Pinkie told him excitedly. “You have no idea how much trouble it was to get him here; on the bright side it looks like it was worth it.” She said with a smile.
They watched as another Imperial starship was destroyed in silence. “I also got Admiral Thrawn to side with us so we’re essentially perfect up their thanks to their combined tactical genius along with Captain Keyes and Admiral Hackett.” She added with a grin.
“Do you suppose we should bother watching the battle?” Sheogorath asked.
“Na we’re good.” Pinkie answered with a wink. “Would you like some popcorn?”
***
“Without the power of love on your side you can never hope to match me Potter!” Voldemort shouted holding his wand out with a slightly shaking wrist. For some reason after he’d chased Potter into a corner he’d found himself unable to move an inch. The rain pounded off of his bald skull and poured off of it sluggishly irritating the dark lord.
“Yeah, I thought about that Volde.” Harry said offhandly.
“You dare disrespect me Potter?” Voldemort snarled almost disbelieving the
“Actually yeah I do, you see I’ve been spending what is probably an unhealthy amount of time around Harry Dresden and it’s rubbed off on me.” Potter said with a grin.
“Why am I unable to move?” Voldemort asked in annoyance as he desperately tried to escape whatever spell Potter had put him in.
“Well you see I’ve also been talking to a version of me who thinks of things much more ‘rationally’ and he suggested that if I couldn’t kill you with love then I should try something a little different.” Harry told the dark lord who growled at him like a caged dog.
“What sorcery is this?” Voldemort asked.
“It’s not sorcery actually.” Harry replied with a grin. “This is what was described to me as a tractorbeam. It will hold you completely immobile while I carve a magic circle around you to prevent any magic from passing through.” Harry added as he began to carve a circle in the ground around Voldemort.
“You think that this technology will stop me Potter? I’ve killed hundreds and you’re no different!” Voldemort shouted.
“Actually no I don’t this is to contain you for a few seconds until-” A buzzing sound filled the air “-That happens” Harry told him with a grin. A green glowing field had suddenly came into existence around Voldemort.
“You believe you can contain me? I’ve broken into and out of Askaban!” Voldemort shouted.
“I think it’ll serve its purpose.” Harry replied. “You see that is a forcefield being supported by a Dyson Sphere, that’s a large array of satellites which surrounds a star and receives energy directly from it just so that you’re keeping up with me here.” Harry elaborated to his captive audience who was growing impatient.
“I will still escape this muggle magic easily!”
“I think not, you see the field surrounds you completely and totally, however instead of terminating around your feet the field actually cuts through the ground to form a large sphere around you. On the advice of my more rational double I’ve buried several thermonuclear warheads beneath you. Ordinarily I wouldn’t risk the detonation this close to the rest of the battlefield but I figure that the area affected thanks to the forcefields should be easily avoidable.” Harry said pulling a detonator out of his robe.
“Potter you can’t do this!” Voldemort shouted at him.
“Boom.” Potter said before pressing down the detonator. The inside of the forcefield exploded in a sickly green and purple light for several seconds before the air cleared with the help of the forcefields. There was nothing left of the darklord, not even ash.
“Remember kids, science is cool!” Harry said with a grin before he strode away from the black stain on the ground without a backwards glance.
***
Shepard and his squad were pinned down and under heavy fire without any chance of a rescue.
“Tali I love you!” Garrus shouted.
“Ash I love you!” Shepard yelled
“We know!” Both shouted in annoyance, the two men had been saying that repeatedly for the last several minutes just in case they died. Suddenly the sound of a spaceship descending filled their ears; they looked up to see Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Alleyne Washburne standing next each other pointing their guns at Cerberus troops.
“Looks like we got here just in the nick of time. And what does that make us?” Mal asked Zoe
“Big Damn Heroes, sir!” Zoe replied with a grin.
“Ain't we just.” Mal replied before they both cut down the Cerberus troops with withering fire while they were to still stunned to understand what had happened.
“Well at least they got here on time I was beginning to think that I couldn’t keep the act up any longer.” Garrus said with a smirk before he calmly rose above fire and shot two Cerberus troops in the head in quick succession.
“I still can’t believe that Joker forced us to do this thanks to him losing a bet with Wash.” Ash grumbled as she to rose out of cover and began to fire into the crowed.
“I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favorite spot on the battlefield!” Shepard shouted with a laugh.
***
“So I get to be on top.” Master Chief said with a grin from where he stood above the dead body of Ridely, there was a man sized hole in the dragon’s stomach.
“Fine, I still say that you cheated by being swallowed while I had to actually kill that stupid flytrap.” Samus replied rolling her eyes.
“Don’t be a sore loser; I think that you learned a very important lesson about disrespecting space zombies.” Chief told her with grin. Isaac Clarke stormed by running after a few necromophs. “And thank the gods that you don’t have his job.” Chief added causing Samus laugh and say.
“Let’s go help him.”
***
“So Littlepip I died again.” Blackjack told Littlepip as they trudged along the battlefield looking for stranglers from their fight.
“Can you possibly stay alive for two days?” Littlepip asked
“Probably not.” Blackjack replied. “But at least now I can drink here again!” she added with a grin
***
Ben Ten looked up in time to see an old man in scholarly robes walking towards Vilgax slowly. Vilgax turned to stare at the man.
“Who are you, fool?” Vilgax asked.
“I go by many names; however the one that I’m proudest of is Sir Isaac Newton, The Deadliest Son Of A Bitch In Space!” The man roared before producing a large hand cannon and shooting Vilgax in the face. Vilgax’s body slumped to the ground and Ben stared in amazement.
“Are you really Isaac Newton?” He asked in confusion.
“Of course, I’m what could’ve been or what is and shall be, or possibly I’m insane I never could decide.” The old man said before helping Ben to his feet. “Now let’s go kick some ass!”
***
“-our faith in your friends is yours!” Palpatine replied, he was the last villain still alive on the field and he’d been sparring with Luke for twenty minutes.
“Dad, would you be so kind as to remind him of what happened the first time without dying this time please?” Luke asked suddenly.
“Of course, my son.” Vader answered, before Palpatine could turn around a red blade had vivisected him.
“Thanks dad.” Luke told his father with a grin.
“I have a few years of being evil to correct so how’d you like your old man to make you some pancakes?” Vader asked with surprising cheer.
“That would be great, by the way have you met Mara yet?” Luke asked with an even larger grin and they walked away into the sunset.
One week later
Twilight and Luna sat at a table inside the biggest house in the universe sharing a milkshake.
“I still can’t believe I slept through the last half of the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny.” Twilight said with a pout/
“I can’t believe that I fought the last half of the battle with you on my back, we need to talk about putting you on a diet.” Luna replied with a smile.
“Leonidas I can’t believe that you missed it, you would’ve been a big help!” Twilight heard Pinkie exclaim from the doorway to a tall man wearing only pants and a cloak.
“I heard Pinkie, you wouldn’t believe how hard we lobbied, but Satan is kind of a dick.” Leonidas replied with a shrug.
“Well at least you can come to dinner here.” Pinkie said with a smile.
“Indeed, do you have seating for 300?” Leonidas asked.
“Of course right this way.” Pinkie said leading them towards the back.
“Pinkie you have no idea how nice it is not to be constantly smelling brimstone.” Leonidas confessed.
“Wait I just thought of something. Why did you go to a Christian hell? I mean I always assumed you meant that you wanted to dine with Hades which would’ve been an honor.” Pinkie asked in confusion
“I blame people not doing research.” Leonidas replied with a shrug as they drifted out of conversation range.
“So Luna what now?” Twilight asked.
“I suppose we come to parties every other week or so and eventually turn you into an alicorn.” Luna replied with a shrug.
“Works for me.” Twilight said with a grin. Suddenly Pinkie ran up to them.
“Twilight we need to do something!” Pinkie exclaimed in excitement.
“What is it Pinkie, please tell me I don’t have to kill anyone?” Twilight asked and Pinkie chuckled.
“Of course not silly filly, just meet out front and stand in front of the steps.” Pinkie said before dashing off again.
Twilight Luna shrugged and went outside; they were soon joined by every single person or thing that had fought on their side in the final battle. Pinkie rushed out and set up a projector. On the cloudless night under the ten full moons that orbited the planet that was located on the middle of a plain of existence inside of Sheogorath’s head several trillion voices recited eight immortal words in perfect harmony.
“So long, and thanks for all the fish!”
Downtime and Blackjack
The battle stopped, the man was wearing an odd flowing robe and he was scratching his chin with an amused look on his face.
“Why Haskill I believe they know me.” The man said in his Irish accent.
“Yes sir, if I may make a suggestion I believe that we may want to find Miss Pie.” Haskill replied.
“That is an excellent idea Haskill, do I pay you? Because I think you deserve more of whatever it is I pay you in.” The man asked his assistant.
“Sir if you gave me any more cheese I could make a castle out of it.” Haskill replied with a groan.
“That my friend is a great idea; in fact I can’t believe that I never thought of that!” The man told Haskill excitedly, Haskill facepalmed deeply.
“My lord we should get moving so that we can regain control of your reality.” Haskill told the man. Suddenly a Nazi stepped out of the background and opened fire with a MP 40. The man threw back his head and let out a long laugh before he winked at the Nazi who was staring at him wide eyed. Then the Nazi shot up into the air screaming, and then he continued screaming till he rebounded off of Mecha Hitler.
“The silly man thought he could hurt me Haskill.” The man told his servant.
“Yes sir I saw.” Haskill replied deadpanly.
“Soooo Haskill what were we talking about?” The man asked, Haskill sighed.
“I was sugge-” Haskill began before he was interrupted by a pink ball of energy.
“Sheogorath you have no idea how happy I am to see you!” Pinkie said before she pulled the daedric prince of madness into a hug.
“Pinkie Pie! Would you care for some cheese?” Sheogorath asked her materializing a large piece of cheddar cheese into existence and offering it Pinkie. “Come on take it, I’d hate to have to rip out your intestines and strangle you with them!” Sheogorath told Pinkie who giggled and snapped up the cheese in one bite.
“Sheogorath you’re always so funny.” Pinkie said with another giggle.
“You do know that I’m serious right?” He asked the pink pony who nodded.
“The way I see it Sheogorath if you did that then you’d be out the best party planner anywhere, no offense Haskill.” Pinkie said turning to the servant who shrugged.
“None taken Miss Pinkie, you certainly surpass my abilities when it comes to things like parties.”
“You do make a good point, so I see you’ve been making good use of this little castle I made for you.” Sheogorath said as they walked blithely across the battlefield. The occasional orc or heartless would jump out at them but Sheogorath dispatched them in the same way as the Nazi, needless to say Mecha Hitler’s body was now covered in gore.
“Oh yes the castle has been quite helpful keeping us alive.” Pinkie replied “Although I’d like to know how you got in here, the gods who locked us in here were convinced that it would be impossible to get in or out of?” Pinkie asked the lord of madness who shrugged.
“Pinkie this is my personal pleasure dimension I can do whatever I want here.” Sheogorath said with another shrug.
***
Twilight and Luna were standing back to back all around them was a seething pit of orcs, Nazis, splicers, vampires, and a few raiders.
“Luna I really don’t want to die!” Twilight yelled over the background noise.
“Twilight if we don’t make it I want you to know that I love you more than anypony I’ve ever loved before, even more then Starswirl!” Luna shouted back.
“You loved Starswirl the Bearded?!” Twilight shouted, her surprise temporarily overriding her sense of doom.
“Yes he was a brilliant pony.” Luna replied as she plunged her sword into an orcs head.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you had sex with one of my idols?” Twilight shouted shooting a wave of force straight a Nazi’s face sending his skull flying off.
“Because I didn’t think to tell you, by Faust there are way too many of these guys we can’t keep this up!” Luna yelled changing topic.
“What happened to Littlepip?” Twilight called.
“She said something about finding help, someone called Security.” Luna replied ducking underneath a sword stroke.
“Did somepony call me?” She asked with a slightly drunken chuckle.
“Why is she drunk now?” Twilight asked.
“Because she’s at her best when she’s drunk!” Littlepip called as she jumped through the crowd.
“So who’s first?” The robopony asked the crowd as she brandished an extremely sharp looking sword in her magic. An orc volunteered and charged her to Twilight’s surprise the pony began to sing.
How lucky can one mare be?
I kissed her and she kissed me
Like a fella once said,
Ain’t that a kick in the head?
As she sang the robopony met the orc’s sword with her own before she broke off and stabbed the orc in the crotch. Twilight winced in sympathy as the orc tumbled to the side, Littlepip grinned. The group began hoard began to back away, but then a particularly brave Nazi stepped forward with his MP40 raised.
The room was completely black
I hugged her and she hugged back.
Like the sailor said, quote,
"Ain't that a hole in the boat?"
The robopony sang as the bullets ricocheted off of her metal skin. She pulled out a pair of revolvers and leveled them at the Nazi before pulling the triggers. One bullet slammed into his chest while the other bullet slammed into his head.
My head keeps spinning;
I go to sleep and keep grinning;
If this is just the beginning,
My life's gonna be beautiful.
A pair of splicers charged the pony as she sang but the pony’s voice didn’t stumble. She ducked under a bolt of lightning that shot out of one of the splicer’s arms and stabbed him in the crotch before sending him flying with a buck to the aforementioned crotch. He impacted against Mecha Hitler, who was quite confused at this point, with a wet crunch. The other splicer charged but was interrupted halfway by the large hole that appeared in his chest, the robopony blew the barrel of her shotgun with the drunken grin still firmly in place.
I've sun- shine enough to spread;
It's like the fella said,
"Tell me quick
Ain't love like a kick in the head?"
As she finished the verse her shotgun went off twice sending two more Nazis flying out of view. The rest of the hoard around us exchanged glances and then fled in absolute horror from the drunken robot pony.
“Thanks Blackjack!” Littlepip told the robopony who bowed drunkenly.
“Anytime Littlepip so who’re your friends?” Blackjack asked looking at Luna and Twilight. Suddenly she pulled out her pistol and leveled it at Luna “Tell me about Goldenblood!” She yelled.
“Blackjack they’re not from our world!” Littlepip shouted, the robopony broke into a smile.
“I know, but it was still worth a try right?” She said slurring her words slightly. Littlepip rolled her eyes and Luna lowered her sword. Suddenly from above a blue pegasus appeared.
“Blackjack we need to talk.” The pegasus told Blackjack, her voice was full of barely contained anger.
“Oh hey there Glory I was just talking to Little- wait Glory what are you doing here?” Blackjack asked the drunkenness disappearing.
“Oh you know, I just came here to talk to you about how you-” she began but Littlepip grabbed Luna and Twilight away before they could hear the conversation.
“Lover’s quarrel, and trust me you don’t want to be anywhere near it.” Littlepip explained.
“But we haven’t even seen each other in canon yet!” Blackjack yelled.
“I DON’T CARE!” Glory’s voice yelled.
“Yeash we’d better get inside.” Littlepip told Twilight and Luna before shoving them through the door. The door led into the main hall which was refreshingly clear of dead bodies. “Now where did Homage go?” Littlepip asked herself before she wandered away.
“Well that was fun.” Twilight said sarcastically.
“I thought so.” Luna replied with a grin. Twilight was going to reply when Luna was suddenly lifted up in a hug by the man who had ripped a hole in the sky earlier.
“Luna It’s been too long, would you like some cheese?!” The man asked setting Luna on the ground and offering her a piece of monetary jack.
“Of course Lord Sheogorath.” Luna said with a bow before grabbing the cheese in her magic and taking a bite.
“What about you little one would you like some cheese?” Sheogorath asked Twilight.
“No thanks I don’t really like cheese.” Twilight replied with a shrug, a sudden hush fell over the room and all eyes turned to the lord of madness. Sheogorath threw back his head and laughed.
“To those who don’t like cheese not having cheese is as good as having it!” Everybody sighed with relief and went back to what they were doing. “Anyways Pinkie you were saying something important I recall?” Sheogorath asked turning to Pinkie.
“Right well we need to come up with an offensive plan we can’t just stay bottled up in here forever, well technically we can thanks to that gardener and his zombie fighting plants, but I’d rather avoid having to do that especially because they’re all technically alive.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.
“Ah yes a battle plan I’m good at those, hmm do we have any adventurers around?” Sheogorath asked looking around the main hall.
“Yes many, actually too many, but I don’t know how to field them effectively, or I don’t think I do I mean I’ve been working but I can’t find any way out of this noose that the meanies have tied around our necks.” Pinkie replied in frustration.
“We’ll come up with something clever, and it might be before never, but it’ll certainly be before forever.” Sheogorath replied with a wide grin as he led Pinkie away.
“I’ve got a bad feeling that this won’t end well.” Twilight intoned. “So Luna want to grab something to eat?” She asked the alicorn changing topics quickly.
“Sorry Twilight I have a few things that I need to attend to but you can go ahead.” Luna replied.
“What are you attending to?” Twilight asked anxiously.
“Royal duties, also I need to talk to a few old friends of mine. Trust me you won’t understand most of what we’re talking about and I know how much it frustrates you not to know what’s going on so don’t bother.” Luna replied with a grin before she teleported away in a flash of blue light.
“She’s probably going to drink with a few of the minor deities, leave her be for now.” An unexpected voice from behind her said. Twilight jumped in surprise and turned to see an unknown man standing behind her. He was extremely muscular and wore what looked like a bronze breastplate. His hair was red and fell into his blue eyes, Twilight didn’t know why but she trusted the man immensely.
“Hi I’m Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight said extending her hoof; the man shook it in a gentle grip.
“I’m Hercules son of Zeus, but you can call me Herc. So are you still hungry?” Herc asked with a wide grin. The demigod turned towards the dining hall and made an after you gesture. Twilight nodded and took the lead.
“So Herc, how’d you get caught up in this mess?” Twilight asked as they walked down the hall.
“Oh the usual, I was fighting a monster, that monster was working with the gods who sealed us in here and came running when they called and I got carried over along with it.” Herc replied with a shrug of his massive shoulders. “How about you?” He asked looking down at Twilight.
“Well Luna and I came to watch the games with my fre- Wait I haven’t seen my friends since I got to this castle!” Twilight cried in shock.
“Don’t worry I’m sure they’re fine, I’ve run into some very strong versions of you, and I’m sure your friends are just as tough as their doubles.” Herc told her with another shrug.
“Yes but what if they’re worried that I abandoned them?” Twilight asked in concern.
“It might just be because of where I’m from, but I kind of doubt that you have to worry about that.” Herc replied as he pushed the doors to the cafeteria open.
“Twilight!” Dash shouted flying over and embracing her in a hug. “Geez, where have you been?” Dash asked after a few seconds of hugging.
“Dash I’m so sorry for abandoning you and going on a killing spree with Luna please forgive me!” Twilight begged.
“Twi, are you feeling okay you usually aren’t this dramatic, I mean I know people here it’s not like you abandoned me?” Dash asked looking at Twilight in concern.
“Oh, right… I feel stupid…” Twilight replied.
“So who’s your friend?” Dash asked looking up at Herc.
“Call me Herc.” Hercules told her with a smile.
“Oh you’re Pegasus’s friend aren’t you?” Dash asked gesturing towards the table she’d been sitting at where a large white blue maned pegasus sat.
“Yep that’s me.” Herc replied “Well I’ll leave you to catch up with your friends, if you need me I’ll be sitting at the table with the lion and the big harry guy.” He told Twilight before waving and walking away.
“Come on Twilight I’ll introduce you to my friends.” Dash told Twilight as she guided the unicorn towards the table of pegasi, well two out of the three were pegasi the third’s front half was mostly bird. “Twilight these are my bros, Pegasus, Blackjack, and Buckbeak the hippogriff.” Dash said gesturing first towards the white pegasus, then towards the mostly black one, and finally at the bird pony.
“Hi I’m Twilight.” Twilight said extending her hoof.
“Sup dude, so you’re Twilight Dash has told us a lot about you bro and I’m happy to finally meet you!” Pegasus said giving her hoof a firm shake.
“Yeah it’s awesome to meet you Twilight Dash never shuts up about you!” Blackjack agreed with a smile.
“Forgive my friends here, they are rather crude.” Buckbeak told Twilight in a Trottingham accent with a shake of his feathered head. “Why don’t you sit down and talk to us for a while, I’m sure that It’ll be more intriguing then what the others have to talk about?” Buckbeak asked while he offered Twilight a seat next to him.
“Thank you I think I will.” Twilight replied with a smile.
***
Blackjack the robopony slammed into Mecha Hitler’s body, she’d been sent flying by a blast that may or may not have been a gift from Persuasion. Honestly she wasn’t positive, P21 probably wouldn’t have wasted the ammo but you never knew when your name was Blackjack her friends had a habit of shooting her.
“Sorry about that thanks for catching me.” Blackjack told Mecha Hitler who stared at her for a few second, and then he began to shout at her.
“Nein! Ich werde nicht mehr akzeptieren diesen Missbrauch, ich bin kein Witz! Mein Name ist Adolf Hitler, ich Kommandeur der Armeen von Deutschland, ich die Hälfte der Erde erobert, kehrte ich von den Toten in einen Roboter Körper! Ich bin unbesieg-” The robotic dictator yelled at Blackjack.
“That’s cool, well I’ve got to get going see you later.” Blackjack said interrupting Mecha Hitler in the middle of his rant. The dictator turned his arm cannon at her and Blackjack stuck the barrel in her mouth for a few seconds before taking a bite out of it. “Thanks for the snack.” She told Mecha Hitler before calmly striding away through the sea of chaos.
“Verwechseln Sie diese Ponys!” Mecha Hitler shouted looking down at his now broken cannon.
***
“…and that is how Harry defeated Lord Voldemort.” Buckbeak finished with a grin. Twilight sat there for a minute stunned by the tale. Snape killed Dumbledore! Harry died and then came back to life! Neville got to use the sword of Gryffindor and mocked Voldemort! Ron and Hermione got married! On second thought only the second one really meant anything to her… “It really was an exhilarating day; I got to slash giants’ eyes out with my claws.” Buckbeak added with an avian smile.
“Dude that’s nothing compared to when Boss and I took on the Titans!” Blackjack said loudly.
“Well then let us allow Twilight to judge your story and then she’ll tell us whose story is better.” Buckbeak replied before he took a sip of his wineglass and turned to Twilight.
“I can do that I guess; I love stories.” Twilight replied with a soft smile.
“Alright, it was the best of times, you know man, the kind of times that you want to tell all your friends about. But then things got all hanis and I got captured. But then Boss being the Boss he is rescued me and some of my bros…!”
***
“So what are we going to do Shaggy?” Pinkie asked the lord of madness, she called him Shaggy while no one was around.
“Well Pinkie I’m actually trying to do the fishstick right now.” Sheogorath replied placing his hand on his chin and rubbing thoughtfully. After a few minutes of stroking he turned to Pinkie with a smile on his face. “I’ve just gotten a grand idea; we should launch an invasion on boats made of cheese!” He told her with a large smile.
“Shaggy I don’t think that’ll work.” Pinkie said worriedly.
“Oh of course it won’t, but it’ll be a distraction. Can you imagine waking up to see an armada of cheese ships in the water in front of you?” He asked her with a maniacal grin.
“Shaggy…” Pinkie said narrowing her eyes slightly. Sheogorath blew out a breath of steam which transformed into an image of a giant octopus or squid.
“We could release this beasty, I’ve always wanted to do it.” Sheogorath told her with a grin.
“Actually Shaggy I think we could release the kraken, but first we have to come up with a plan.” Pinkie told him firmly, she found herself once again being the voice of reason; it was becoming a disturbing trend for her.
“All right I’ve got it…”
***
“Hit me!” Luna cried, Discord grinned and passed her another card. A ten, that was all Luna needed. “Blackjack!” she shouted slamming her cards onto the table.
“Hrmph.” Discord said before he passed her her winnings.
“Lulu when did you become so good at gambling?” Celestia asked curiously, she’d had no luck whatsoever all night, although that could be because she was sitting next to a friendly version of Nightmare Moon.
“When you spend a thousand years on the moon you find something to do with your time unless you want to go insane Tia, now Poseidon are you going to hit or not because I want to go again?” Luna asked the sea god.
“Hit me.” The god of the sea replied and grinned as he got a card that he was looking for. “I’m good.” He told Discord moving the god of chaos onto the next player.
“Hmm, hit me.” Martin Septim said with a draconic smile. Discord set a card down and Martin took it up in a talon before throwing down his cards and cursing. “By the other eight I have terrible luck!” He exclaimed disgustedly.
“Verily.” Thor agreed before turning back to Discord. “Hit me!” Discord passed him another card. “Verily my luck is golden, blackjack!” Thor cried banning MJOLNIR against the table shaking everyone’s drinks. He received several pointed stares before he put his hammer on the floor beside the table. “Sorry.” He said with a small smile.
“You know I have been meaning to take the field recently, I’m sure my marines would enjoy having me off the throne and on the front lines again.” The Emperor of Mankind said while he looked at his cards.
“Yes but then the chaos gods would become involved directly.” Celestia told him, the Emperor sighed resignedly.
“I know which is why I don’t. Hit me.” Discord passed him a card. “Blackjack.”
“I swear some of you are cheating,” Martin told them sourly with a small scowl.
***
“…And then Luke died and we won the war, but then Rachel stole me and she became the new oracle. And then the Boss finally got laid!” Blackjack the pegasus said finishing his story and receiving a brohoof from Pegasus.
“So Twilight who’s tale did you think was better?” Buckbeak asked Twilight who thought for a moment.
“Honestly I loved them both, but Buckbeak’s had more action.” Twilight said blushing a little under the look that Buckbeak gave her, then the hippogriff sighed and shook his head.
“Oh well such things happen.”
“Attention all fighters report to the main war room we’re about to begin the briefing for what should be out last assault.” Pinkie’s voice rang out over the loud speakers.
“Awesome that’s our queue to kick ass!” Dash cried before leaping into the air and flying towards the war room.
“Let’s go and ensure that she doesn’t die doing something dense.” Buckbeak said with a sigh.