Too Many Twilights

by Octavia_Melody

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Zecora, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 8350

When Twilight accidentally finds the mirror pool, she just has to try it out...

When Twilight accidentally finds the mirror pool, she just has to see if it works, a bizarre team of alternate versions of Twilight invade Equestria.

(This fic assumes that the events of "Too Many Pinkie Pies" never occurred).

Please comment and evaluate.

Published 2014-07-01 22:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-09 01:35:14 UTC

Mirror, Mirror

Spike the baby dragon looked around nervously, his reptilian eyes darted around the forest, scouring the trees for signs of life. He rode atop the back of his mentor of sorts, Twilight Sparkle the unicorn.

“Twilight...” Spike confided, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Relax, Spike.” Twilight replied, “We won’t go too far out. Besides, how often do we get to stroll around the Everfree Forest without having to look for something, solve a problem, or run from some creature?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Spike commented, “Anytime we go into Everfree, something’s bound to-“

Spike didn’t finish his sentence before the ground collapsed beneath Twilight’s hoof and the both of them fell screaming into an underground cavern. They both landed on their stomachs, groaning in pain and confusion.

“Anything broken, Spike?” Twilight asked in concern.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Spike said, standing up and brushing himself off, “How about you?”

“No, I’m okay.” Twilight answered, propping up on four legs, “Where are we, anyway?”

They both examined their surroundings, finding themselves in a subterranean cave with stalactites dangling above them. A small body of water shimmered in front of them.

“I think it’s just an underground pond.” Twilight observed, “The moisture in here must have built up and made the ground unsteady.”

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about.” Spike answered, “We take two steps into Everfree and then this happens. How are we supposed to get back to the surface?”

“The fall wasn’t that steep.” Twilight said, “I’ll just prop you up back to ground level and then you help pull me out.”

“I suppose that’ll work.” Spike admitted, “But like I was saying, this is a perfect example...hey Twilight, where are you going?”

“Is this it? Could it be?” Twilight said to herself, looking down into the pond, “The legendary Mirror Pool? The one spoken of in nursery rhymes to fillies?”

“The mirror what?” Spike asked.

“The Mirror Pool.” Twilight replied, “Legend has it that there’s a magical chant that one says to make one’s own reflection come alive.”

“Why would anyone want to do that?” Spike wondered.

“I don’t know, but it couldn’t hurt to try.” Twilight pondered.

Twilight placed one hoof in the water and yelped as Spike yanked on her tail.

“Spike!” she complained, “What is your problem?!”

“You’re not actually gonna try it, are you?” Spike fretted, “What if your reflection turns out to be evil?”

“What are you trying to say, Spike? That you secretly think I’m evil?” Twilight scoffed, “I’m insulted. I thought we knew each other better than that.”

“I just don’t think we should be tampering with dark magic.” Spike advised.

“It’s not ‘dark magic’ Spike, it’s just plain old nursery rhyme magic. For little fillies.” Twilight answered, “Where’s your sense of adventure? Now how did that rhyme go? I think Pinkie Pie told me. Let’s see... ‘And into her own reflection she stared, uh, yearning for one whose reflection she shared …’.”

“Twilight, don’t!” Spike shouted, again tugging on the unicorn’s tail.

“…and solemnly sweared not to be scared…” Twilight continued, “Spike, would you cut it out!”

Twilight nudged the baby dragon away with her hind leg, knocking out a loose scale on Spike’s stomach. The dragon scale fell into the pool, floating on top of the water.

“ …at the prospect of being doubly mared!” Twilight said, finishing the spell.

The Mirror Pool glowed with an ethereal force and then petered out with a whiff of smoke.

“Was that it?” Spike asked, “Did it work?”

“I don’t think so.” Twilight replied, “I can still see my reflection, but it’s not moving.”

Twilight stared at her own reflection for a few more moments, sticking her tongue out and making funny faces. Spike soon joined her and they burst into a fit of giggles.

“I guess it was just a myth after all.” Twilight surmised, “I’m sorry for kicking you earlier. You’re probably right. It’s best that nothing happened. Let’s go home, Spike.”

The two of them walked over to the cavern wall and Spike climbed on the unicorn’s back. Twilight struggled and strained to lift the baby dragon up with her head as she stood up on her hind legs. Spike dug into the rock with his claws and quickly climbed up to the surface. He then grabbed Twilight’s front hooves and started to pull her up when something jerked her back down.

“Twilight!” Spike called out as Twilight was dragged back toward the pool.

Twilight reflexively bucked against whatever had a hold on her and the creature splashed back into the water.

Twilight looked on in horror as the creature re-emerged from the pond, looking very much like Twilight, but not exactly. This version of Twilight had a frazzled and unkempt main, wide eyes with narrow pupils, a frenzied smile, and an uncontrollable giggle.

“What have you done?!” the other Twilight shouted in a frantic and nervous voice, “I’m a clone!”

The real Twilight was somewhat happy that the spell had worked, but less than happy that her reflection turned out to be the kind of pony that Twilight became when she was extremely anxious or worried.

“Oh no! I’m a clone! This can’t be happening!” Crazy Twilight panicked, “What did you do?! Why did you summon me?! You have to send me back right now!”

“I don’t know the spell to send you back.” Twilight admitted, “I only remembered the rhyme from what Pinkie Pie told me. I thought she was just joking.”

“Do you realize what you’ve done?!” Crazy Twilight said, “You’ve doomed all of Equestria! That dragon’s scale you threw in there is going to keep making clones of us forever!”

“Dragon’s scale?” Twilight wondered, “Uh-oh...”

Crazy Twilight broke into manic laughter and scurried up the cavern wall back to the surface, breaking the laws of physics in ways in which only Pinkie was capable.

“I’ve got to warn everypony! Equestria is doomed!” Crazy Twilight shouted, “And it’s all your fault!”

“I’m not gonna say I told you so.” Spike called down to Twilight, “But I told you so.”

“Just help me back up.” Twilight requested, “We’ve got to stop her.”

Twilight climbed back up the cavern wall and Spike grabbed her hooves, pulling her back up to the surface.

“How much damage do you think she could do anyway?” Spike wondered.

“Do you even have to ask?” Twilight bemoaned.

The first place that Crazy Twilight reached on her way back to Ponyville was the hut of Zecora the zebra. Crazy Twilight frantically pounded on the door with her hoof until a certain zebra enchantress peeked her head out of the doorway.

“Hello, dear Twilight. How was your walk?” Zecora announced, “Why don’t you come inside so we can sit down and talk?”

Zecora let Crazy Twilight inside, not yet noticing her frantic gestures. The zebra had barely sat down when Crazy Twilight grabbed her by the collar.

“Zebra mare, you’ve got to listen to me!” Crazy Twilight shouted, “The real Twilight found the Mirror Pool and said the magical chant to make clones and I was the first clone to appear but she dropped a dragon scale in the water and now the pool is reacting and is going to make endless variations of Twilight!”

Zecora smacked her own forehead with her hoof and gave a long heavy sigh.

“I knew that fool unicorn would cause some distress.” she lamented, “But this time she’ll have to clean up her own mess.”

“If you’re not gonna help me, then who will?!” Crazy Twilight asked.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you figure it out?” Zecora advised, “I’m sure there’s someone in Ponyville to whom you can pout.”

“Okay. Thanks. See ya later.” Crazy Twilight said as she practically galloped out of Zecora’s hut in the direction of Ponyville.

It wasn’t long before Zecora noticed a familiar lavender unicorn with a baby dragon on her back sheepishly trotting toward her.

“Not one word. Your clone has been under my roof.” Zecora said, raising her hoof, “This time you’ll just have to talk to the hoof.”

Baking Bad

Back at the Mirror Pool, a very different sort of Twilight was emerging from the water. She was a clone who looked more like Twilight than Crazy Twilight did, with the exception of a brown satchel across her back and a devious glint in her eye. This particular Twilight decided to walk deep into Everfree Forest and began collecting large blue flowers that were growing out of the moss on boulders. This Twilight, an evil Twilight, picked as many of the rare blue flowers as she could find with her teeth and dropped them into her satchel. Evil Twilight then decided to head into Ponyville, singing to herself along the way.

“My little ponies! I used to wonder what fools mortals be! My little ponies! Until you all shared your secrets with me!” she sang, “Magic cupcakes! Thrills and chills! I’ll take over Ponyville! Do you know you’re all my very worst friends?”

“Those lyrics don’t make any sense!” said the disembodied voice of a certain pink pony.

“It’s called foreshadowing!” Evil Twilight argued, “Besides, you’re still back in Ponyville. How do you even know I’m here?”

“I’m just a narrative device, not the real Pinkie.” Pinkie’s voice replied, “I sound like Pinkie because of her fourth-wall breaking abilities.”

“You’re just going to confuse the readers.” Evil Twilight said, “Since this story is a blatant rip off of ‘Too Many Pinkie Pies’, they’ll assume you’re a Pinkie Pie clone.”

“Nope, just a disembodied voice.” Pinkie’s voice corrected.

“Is this metanarrative moment even relevant to the story?” Evil Twilight asked.

“Nope. Not really.” Pinkie’s voice answered, “You don’t even have fourth-wall perception for the rest of the story.”

“Then what was the point of this conversation?” Evil Twilight asked.

“There was no point.” Pinkie’s voice said, “This is just to kill time before you reach Ponyville, since the story won’t be transitioning away from you anytime soon.”

“I’m almost out of the forest now.” Evil Twilight observed.

“Okay, I love you, bye-bye.” Pinkie’s voice said before fading away.

“No one’s going to pick up on that obscure Animaniacs reference!” Evil Twilight replied.

“The term is ‘nopony’.” Pinkie’s voice whispered, “You’re supposed to say ‘nopony’.”

“The term ‘nopony’ doesn’t apply to the reader.” Evil Twilight corrected, “Besides, you already faded away. The fourth-wall moment is over.”

“Groovy!” Pinkie’s voice said to the reader, “Get it? Evil Twilight in a forest? Evil Dead?”

***

Once she had reached Ponyville, Evil Twilight decided to head for Sugar Cube Corner. She ignored everypony who passed her or greeted her, single-mindedly pursuing her goal. She stealthily snuck into one of the side doors, leading straight to the kitchen. Luckily for her, it was empty for the time being. Evil Twilight quickly and quietly went about her work of placing her sample of flowers on a counter and crushing them into a powder with her hoof. She then retrieved various vials and bottles of tonics and potions with her teeth from her satchels. She used the nearby pots, pans, and utensils to mix the blue powder and potions with flour, water, and sugar into a big blue ball of dough. She then patted the dough into little balls and placed them individually into spaces on a cupcake pan. She then preheated the oven and placed the cupcakes inside to bake.

“First you crush these bluish flowers, then you add some potions to the mix!” Evil Twilight sang, “Then you go and add a cup of flour, a little bit of sugar, then you bake! Tasty cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes!”

“That barely resembled the original lyrics, hardly even rhymed, and your timing was way off.” Pinkie’s voice critiqued.

“Shouldn’t this commentary work more with Crazy Twilight?” Evil Twilight suggested, “She’s the one who might actually hear voices in her head.”

“Nope, you’re more fun.” Pinkie’s voice argued, “But you can’t really sing all that well.”

“It’s not how well you sing, it’s how well you sell.” Evil Twilight observed.

Once the oven had dinged, Evil Twilight placed mitts on her hooves and carefully removed the freshly baked blue cupcakes. She turned the oven off and secretly added the blue cupcakes to the cupcakes that were already for sell on the sales rack in the front of the store. She then went back outside before anypony could make heads or tails of what she had done.

The blue cupcakes sold like well...hotcakes and store owners Mr. and Mrs. Cake were very surprised when their customers began asking for more.

“You got any more blue cupcakes? They’re magically delicious!” a green pony with a shamrock cutie mark and a suspiciously Irish accent requested.

“We didn’t make any blue cupcakes today.” Mr. Cake replied, “I don’t know what everypony’s talking about.”

“They’re always after me lucky charms!” the green pony lamented.

“What do lucky charms have to do with cupcakes?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“They’re always after me lucky charms!” the green pony repeated, “Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! They’rrrrre great! Crunchatize me cap’n!”

“What in Celestia’s name is he talking about?” Mrs. Cake whispered.

“I have no idea.” Mr. Cake replied, “These blue cupcakes that we didn’t even make sure have everypony acting strange.”

“Maybe Pinkie made them.” Mrs. Cake wondered.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Mr. Cake confided.

***

By this time, the real Twilight had caught up with Crazy Twilight. Crazy Twilight collapsed on the ground and burst into tears. She was surrounded by Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie Pie.

“It’s not fair!” Crazy Twilight blubbered, “It’s just not fair! Why can’t I be the real Twilight?! Why can’t you be a clone?! I have a life too, you know! You should’ve never cast that spell in the first place!”

“Look, I...don’t know what to say...” Twilight said, not knowing what to say.

The real Twilight placed a hoof on Crazy Twilight’s shoulder but Crazy Twilight brushed her aside.

“I just want to go home.” Crazy Twilight sobbed, “Wherever home is, that is.”

“Why don’t you go home with me tonight?” Pinkie suggested, “We’ll have a sleepover! We can play games, and sing songs, and tell stories, and write fanfiction, and...”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Pinkie Pie.” the real Twilight advised, “We don’t know who this pony is, or where she came from.”

“Uh, Twilight?” Spike interjected, “We all know that she’s your crazy clone that you conjured from the Mirror Pool.”

“I know, Spike.” Twilight replied, “It just seemed like something I would say in a situation like this.”

“What’s fanfiction?” Crazy Twilight asked, starting to calm down.

“I can answer that question.” Evil Twilight announced, trotting toward them, “Fanfiction is an inferior form of literature in which so-called fans of an already existing work write stories based around those characters and settings. Fanfiction is generally poorly written and composed by people too unimaginative to come up with their own ideas.”

“That’s not true!” the real Twilight argued, “Fanfiction can sometimes be better than the work it’s based on!”

“Yeah! My favorite story is ‘Cupcakes’!” Pinkie Pie added.

All three Twilights plus Spike stared at Pinkie in abject horror.

“What? I like cupcakes.” Pinkie Pie explained, “Why wouldn’t I like a story called Cupcakes?”

“Okay, these fourth-wall jokes are getting too distracting.” Pinkie’s voice observed, “Everypony cease and desist! Hasbro’s orders!”

“I’m the real Twilight.” Evil Twilight asserted, “These other two are just imposters.”

“That’s ridiculous.” the real Twilight replied, “Spike and Pinkie have been with me the whole time. Why would they think that I’m a clone?”

“Because of this.” Evil Twilight said before hugging Spike and kissing him affectionately on the lips.

Evil Twilight locked lips with the baby dragon for an uncomfortable amount of time. Spike forced himself away, his face completely flushed red with embarrassment.

The real Twilight’s jaw dropped, as did Pinkie’s. Crazy Twilight just sort of jealously glared at Evil Twilight. Pinkie put Twilight’s jaw back in place as she struggled to regain composure.

“How...how does that prove that you’re the real Twilight?” the real Twilight asked.

“Because any real Twilight worth her weight in gems would be honest about her real feelings instead of treating her special somepony like a simple pet.” Evil Twilight observed.

“He is not my special somepony!” Twilight retorted, “He’s not even a pony!”

“Oh, I see how it is!” Evil Twilight mocked, “You think ponies are superior to dragons. He really is just your pet.”

“That’s not true!” Twilight replied, “I love Spike like I love my own brother!”

“And just what particular way do you love your own brother?” Evil Twilight suggested.

“Get your brain out of the pond scum!” Twilight demanded, “Come on Spike, we’re going home!”

“Actually, Twilight, I need to be alone for a little bit.” Spike said, before wandering off into the distance.

“So which Twilight do you wanna take home, Twilight?” Pinkie asked suddenly, “Cause I still want her!”

Pinkie pointed at Crazy Twilight with her hoof. Crazy Twilight actually almost smiled at the suggestion and sort of hid behind Pinkie.

“Well, I’m not taking her home!” Twilight scoffed, pointing accusingly at Evil Twilight.

“I’ve got better things to do than associate with my lesser self.” Evil Twilight said, “Have an A-1 day.”

The real Twilight followed Pinkie and Crazy Twilight in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner.

“Have an A-1 day?” Twilight wondered, “What does that mean?”

Nonpariel

Spike stopped at a nearby pond and sat down near the water. He scooped up a handful of pebbles and started skipping them across the pond. An all too familiar unicorn trotted near him and he turned his head away.

“Just leave me alone right now, Twilight.” Spike requested, “I need some time to think.”

“I’m not Twilight.” Evil Twilight corrected, “At least, not the one you’re familiar with.”

“You!” Spike scolded, “You’re the one who kissed me! Why did you do that?!”

“Don’t look so angry.” Evil Twilight said, “You know you enjoyed it.”

“That still doesn’t give you the right...” Spike replied, turning his head and blushing.

“You know, there’s a Spike where I come from, too.” Evil Twilight said, “He helps me make cupcakes.”

“Cupcakes? Like baking?” Spike asked, “I thought that was more Pinkie’s thing.”

“We make a very special kind of cupcake.” Evil Twilight said, “Wanna try one?”

Evil Twilight retrieved a spare blue cupcake from her satchel and handed it to Spike. Spike started to take a bite of it but then eyed it suspiciously.

“What all did you put in this cupcake?” he inquired, “Why do you want me to try it?”

“Why Spike?” Evil Twilight taunted, “Whatever do you mean?”

“How do I know you didn’t put some kind of magic potion in here?” Spike asked.

“Just eat it and you’ll find out.” Evil Twilight said.

Evil Twilight pushed the cupcake into Spike’s mouth with such force that he had no choice but to eat it or suffocate.

“That’s right, chew and swallow.” Evil Twilight commanded, “Like a good baby dragon

Spike coughed and sputtered as he almost choked on the bits of cake being lodged down his throat. He did his best to swallow them carefully until he finally finished, ending in a loud burp which spewed green fire in Evil Twilight’s general direction.

The evil unicorn clone yelped a bit as her mane caught on fire and she stamped it out with her hoof. Spike suddenly felt very happy, an unnatural euphoria filled his mind as he sat down on the grass and a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes filled his mind. He drifted in and out of consciousness before he landed on his back and foam dripped out of his mouth.

“What’s happening...to me?” Spike tried to say, “What have....you done?”

“Just a little confection you helped me whip up back home.” Evil Twilight explained, “And now you’re going to help me again. If you don’t, something bad might happen to the Twilight that you know, and also...Rarity.”

Spike gasped as he heard the name. He tried to stand up, but his body refused to move.

“You’ll be out like that for a good twenty minutes or so.” Evil Twilight lectured, “Yes, I know about your little crush on Rarity. I know about all of your friends here. They’re your friends where I come from, too. Or at least, they used to be. If you refuse to help me bake, then I’ll tell Rarity you’ve been stalking her and ruin whatever chance you thought you had with her. If you keep refusing, I might have to take more drastic measures.”

Evil Twilight threateningly moved her hoof across her neck as Spike tried to speak.

“I won’t let you...hurt my friends...” he moaned.

“Do you know who I am, Spike?” Evil Twilight said, “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to right now? Back where I come from, if I stop baking, an economy the size of Canterlot goes down the drain. Somepony opens her door late at night and gets bucked, and you think that of me? I am the one who bucks!”

“Twilight...will stop you...” Spike threatened.

“Stop me? She invited me.” Evil Twilight observed, “Spike, we need to bake.”
***

Back at the Mirror Pool, the clones continued to materialize. A unicorn with frazzled, unkempt fur, large leathery bat wings, two sharp fangs dripping with drool, and blood red eyes stepped out of the water. Vampony Twilight had arrived. She hissed at the cavern’s echo and then flapped her wings. With a large gust of wind, she took to the skies in search of fresh pony blood.

A slightly less malevolent Twilight followed after her. This version was an alicorn, complete with golden horseshoes and tiara.

“This must be Everfree Forest.” Princess Twilight realized, “Oh-no! That means I’m just a Mirror Pool clone! But why would the mirror pool conjure an alicorn? Somepony must have thrown a dragon scale in the water. It distorts the pool’s cloning properties. I’d better fly over to Canterlot and warn the other princesses!”

Princess Twilight also took to the air like her predecessor, but in a more gracious manner and in a different direction.

Finally, the pool sputtered out its last iteration for the time being. This Twilight was a lanky humanoid teenager with odd, goofy clothes and matching lavender skin. Let’s just call her Equestria Girls Twilight, EG Twilight for short.

“So this is the other Equestria.” EG Twilight observed, “The one in which everybody actually resembles a horse. But why did I go through the mirror pool instead of the other conveniently placed enchanted mirror? And more importantly, why didn’t I already exist when pony Twilight walked through the mirror and instantly took my form, and had to reintroduce herself to everyone in my world?”

EG Twilight scratched her hair, befuddled by her own logic. She then wondered how she was ever going to make it out of the cavern since she didn’t have wings. She then remembered since she was taller than most other actual ponies and shaped like a Monster High doll, she could simply stretch her arms and climb up to ground level. So she did.

***

A short distance away from Ponyville, on the opposite side of Everfree, three ponies plus one dragon held a secret meeting under a portable circus tent. Evil Twilight, along with an incapacitated Spike, stood across a table from two tall yellow ponies wearing vaudeville-style hats and vests. One of them had a pretty decent moustache. They were Flim and Flam, the two least successful con artists in Equestria.

“So what’s this all about, sister?” Flim (Is he the one with the moustache? I can’t tell them apart.) asked.

Evil Twilight grabbed her satchel with her teeth and dumped the contents onto the table, a fresh batch of blue cupcakes.

“Why, these are just cupcakes.” Flam commented, “And they don’t look like very good cupcakes either.”

“Why don’t you try one?” Evil Twilight said slyly.

“Are these blueberry cupcakes?” Flim questioned, “I hate blueberry.”

Flam picked up a cupcake and reluctantly took a bite of it.

“Not bad, I guess.” he critiqued between bites.

As soon as Flam swallowed, an array of blurry colors filled his eyes, he lost his balance, fell on his side, and started foaming at the mouth.

“Poison!” Flam shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at Evil Twilight, “You just poisoned my brother!”

“That’s not poison...” Evil Twilight corrected, “Those are concentrated Blue Bonnet flowers ground into that cupcake. Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it.”

“The pretty colors...” Flam said in a daze, “I see everything...like tears in rain...”

“Does it always make you speak in non-sequiter like that?” Flim asked.

“Most of the time.” Evil Twilight replied, “Now do you still have that cider machine?”

“You mean the Super Cider Squeezy-?” Flim said.

“Yes, that!” Evil Twilight interrupted, “I want to see the machine.”

“It’s around back.” Flim replied, “Follow me.”

“Spike, be a dear and stay with Flam.” Evil Twilight instructed, “We don’t want him dying on us, do we?”

“Yes...Twilight...” Spike said mindlessly, his pupils replaced by red spirals.

“So that Blue Bonnet of yours causes mind control?” Flim asked as he left the tent.

“It only leaves you open to the power of suggestion.” Evil Twilight said, following Flim.

The two ponies stopped at the large, unwieldy contraption on wagon wheels, full of gears, springs, piping, and a 500 gallon sized cider tank.

“All you have to do is place the cupcakes in with the apples.” Evil Twilight explained, “Then whammo-zammo, instantly addictive blue cider!”

“I’ll try it sister, but leave the whammo-zammo to me.” Flim advised.

The vaudeville snake oil salesman did as he was told, dumping in cupcakes along with the apples. After the machine heated up, sputtered, whirred, knocked, bonked, and kerbabbled, Flim grabbed his wooden mug and placed it under the release spout. Out poured a freshly made pint of blue cider.

“I’m not drinking this.” Flim said, “We need to find an unsuspecting customer. Hey you there!”

Flim pointed to a certain grey pegasus with a yellow mane and derped eyes, who conveniently shows up in the background, and who we all know is Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo.

“Hey you there, Derpy!” Flim called out, “Yes, you! I know your name! You show up in the background all the time! Care to try a free glass of homemade blueberry cider?”

“Homemade?” Derpy questioned, “But I just saw it come out of that machine.”

“Well, this machine is our home, so to speak.” Flim explained, “We’re traveling salesponies nonpareil. So naturally, this cider is homemade.”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try a glass.” Derpy said, taking the mug from Flim.

The grey pegasus drank the concoction down in a few gulps and suddenly felt a spring in her step, a bounce in her body, and a realignment of her eyes.

“I can see straight! I can see straight!” Derpy exclaimed, “I’m not flying sideways anymore!”

Derpy flapped her wings and took to the skies, flying less sideways than ever before.

“That was unexpected.” Evil Twilight commented, “Usually they just fall on their sides and start foaming.”

“I guess we just might be able to sell this junk after all.” Flim concluded, “Care to join me in a musical number?”

“Would I ever!” Evil Twilight exclaimed.

Flim threw Evil Twilight a hat and cane out of nowhere and then produced his own cane. The two then began tap dancing in unison as the cider machine sputtered behind them, forming the tempo.

Well now, we’re gonna drug this town and pass the cider all around!

I’m Flim! And I’m an evil clone of Twilight!

Traveling drug dealers nonpareil!

.................

Metal Hoof Solid

Flim, Flam, Evil Twilight, and Spike soon took their show on the road. Ponyville was quickly subdued, so they moved on to neighboring towns. Pinkie, Twilight, and Crazy Twilight were having their own troubles dealing with the large wave of customers ransacking the store for more blue cupcakes.

The three ponies were actually cowering with their heads covered behind the front counter. Crazy Twilight in particular was freaking out.

“We’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna die!” she ranted, “Somepony kill me now!”

“Snap out of it!” the real Twilight ordered, taking a note from Spike and slapping her across the face, “I can’t believe I was ever this unhinged.”

“Yeparooney, you’re a looney.” Pinkie said with a giggle.

“If we don’t get more blue cupcakes, we’ll burn down the store!” random townspony #8 threatened.

“That’s what she said!” random townspony #7 added, “Wait...that’s not how that goes...”

Before any of the ponies still sober had time to argue, a flaming hay bale came crashing through the display window, along with a large glass jug of appleshine. The jug shattered, spilling the flammable liquid everywhere. Most of the store was awash in flames.

“They actually did it!” the real Twilight said, “We’re all gonna burn to death!”

“I guess this means we’re gonna get...heartburn!” Pinkie commented before putting on a pair of sunglasses.

“YEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!” sung another disembodied voice.

“Why don’t you just get the hay out of there?” yet another Twilight-sounding voice suggested.

“Who said that?” the real Twilight asked.

“I did.” said EG Twilight, stepping out from behind the kitchen door, “You all can run out the back.”

“Now why didn’t I think of that?” Pinkie wondered, “Oh yeah, I was too busy being...punny!”

“YEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!” the disembodied voice repeated.

The three ponies quickly followed the bootleg Monster High doll out through the rear door. They galloped as far away from the fire as they could before they ran out of breath.

“You...look...familiar...” the real Twilight said between breaths, “Have I...seen you...somewhere...before?”

“I...don’t...know.” EG Twilight replied, “Was it....contrived...irrelevant...and retconned...?”

“That...seems like it...” the real Twilight said, “So you’re...another clone?”

“Yeah...” EG Twilight explained, “I think...the pool...keeps making more...”

“Why is...everypony...talking...like this?” Pinkie asked.

“Because some of us...actually...need to breathe...” the real Twilight said.

“Okey...dokey...artichokey!” Pinkie replied, “Hmm...Some artichokes sound pretty good right now.”

********

Back at the mirror pool, the mirror pool decided to keep cranking out the Twilights. The first of the new batch was a stern and serious looking unicorn with a spiky mane, white bandana, and black patch covering her left eye. She also wore a black jumpsuit.

“I know this place.” she announced, “I’ve seen it before. I’m in Everfree Forest.”

The clone retrieved a cigarette and match from underneath her jumpsuit. She struck the match against a rock, lit the cigarette, and took a long draw.

“They call me Solid Sparkle.” she said as she blew a smoke ring, “My mission is simple. Kill Empress Celestia.”

“Excuse me, but who are you talking to?” said a nearly identical but less smoke damaged voice.

“I’m doing my inner monologue.” Solid Sparkle replied, “I go on these long, meandering speeches about the meaning of life when all you want to is get back to the game. But you still can’t bring yourself to skip the cutscene because you’re afraid you’ll miss a vital part of the story.”

“Oh, okay.” the voice replied, “That’s all I needed to know.”

“Hold it!” Solid Sparkle shouted, turning around and accusingly pointing her hoof in the voice’s general direction.

Directly behind her was the kind of clone Twilight might have had if she ate nothing but cupcakes (the regular kind, not meth cupcakes or ones made from pony meat). This Twilight was round, chubby, and couldn’t trot all that smoothly. Fat Twilight emerged from the pool as Solid Sparkle slowly drew her combat knife from the scabbard strapped to her side.

“Don’t move!” Solid Sparkle warned, placing the blade right up to Fat Twilight’s throat.

“Don’t hurt me, please!” Fat Twilight begged, “Do you have any spare cupcakes?”

“What?” Solid Sparkle questioned.

“Spare cupcakes?” Fat Twilight repeated, “All that materializing into existence made me hungry.”

“I don’t have any cupcakes.” Solid Sparkle said, “Who are you? Did Celestia send you? Speak!”

“I like turtles.” Fat Twilight said.

“What does that mean?” Solid Sparkle demanded, “Is that some sort of code?”

“No, you just told me to speak.” Fat Twilight replied, “I was just telling you that I like turtles.”

Solid Sparkle groaned and placed her free hoof to her forehead. Convinced that Fat Twilight was not a threat, she returned her knife to the scabbard.

“You know...” she commented, “You kind of look like me in my younger years, if I’d have really let myself go, that is.”

“Shouldn’t we look for the real Twilight?” Fat Twilight suggested.

“Real Twilight?” Solid Sparkle asked, “What are you talking about?”

“We’re just clones from the mirror pool.” Fat Twilight explained, “We don’t belong in this Equestria. I just want to go back, after a few cupcakes of course, and maybe some donuts.”

“Wait...” Solid Sparkle pondered, “You’re right...this doesn’t look like my Equestria...that’s it! I’ve been sent back to the past! I’ve got to warn everypony! Let’s go!”

Solid Sparkle galloped out of the cavern in the direction of Ponyville. Fat Twilight slowly trotted behind, taking time to breath in the scenery.

“Oh, this must be Everfree Forest.” she commented, “That means Ponyville is nearby. And where there’s a Ponyville, there’s a Sugar Cube Corner!”

Solid Sparkle quickly made it to Twilight’s treehouse, where the real Twilight, EG Twilight, Crazy Twilight, and Pinkie Pie were hiding out. A large purple forcefield surrounded the house. Solid Sparkle walked through, unfazed.

"Basic unicorn forcefield magic." she commented, "You've got to do better than that."

Solid Sparkle stealthily crept up to the front door and found it locked. She took out her knife and used the blade to pick the keyhole.

“Somepony’s coming through!” Crazy Twilight shouted from inside, “We’re all gonna die!”

“We don’t have any cupcakes!” the real Twilight called out, “Try the next house!”

Solid Sparkle kicked the door open and the real Twilight groaned in irritation at the sight of another clone.

“This clone has a knife!” Crazy Twilight yelped, “Everypony’s gonna die!”

“Listen to me!” Solid Sparkle ordered, putting her knife back in place, “Everypony and everybody else are indeed going to die unless we act now!”

“Did you just say...everybody?” the real Twilight asked in astonishment.

Solid Sparkle slammed the door behind her and knelt down next to the other Twilights.

“By everybody, I mean not only all of Equestria, but beings of other dimensions as well.” she stated.

“What in Celestia’s name are you talking about?” the real Twilight insisted.

“Celestia...” Solid Sparkle muttered in contempt, “Empress Celestia...”

“Empress Celestia?” the real Twilight questioned.

“About eight years from now, a large meteor will strike the planet, causing a global catastrophe.” Solid Sparkle explained, “Most of Equestria’s inhabitants will be killed. Celestia goes mad with grief and devises a plan to build a new Equestria. She tampers with magic hidden for thousands of years and opens portals to other dimensions. She then invents a process to forcibly convert other species into mindless pony servants. Some of the few ponies that manage to survive form a resistance, of which I am a member. Empress Celestia has set out to conquer all of existence, and will kill or convert anypony or anybody who gets in her way.”

“The Celestia I know would never do something so horrible!” Twilight retorted, taking great offense, “I don’t think even Discord would do something like that!”

“She isn’t the Celestia you know, not anymore.” Solid Sparkle corrected, lighting another cigarette, “Devastation has a way of bending the mind, including yours. Would the Celestia you know do this?”

Solid Sparkle took a long draw and flipped up her eye patch. The other Twilights and Pinkie gasped at the empty socket where Sparkle’s left eye used to be. A rough patch of scar tissue had grown around the socket and a stretch of nerve muscle twitched uneasily where the eyeball used to connect.

“What are you smoking?” Twilight complained, starting to cough, “Put that out!”

“It’s just plain tobacco.” Solid Sparkle replied, flipping her eye patch back down, “A plant that you ponies have yet to take full advantage of.”

“Ooh! Ooh! I have a question!” Pinkie spoke up, frantically raising her hoof in the air.

“What is it?” Solid Sparkle asked.

“Actually, it’s more of a statement.” Pinkie corrected, “That story you told sounds a lot like The Conversion Bureau. Well, really it sounds a lot like those anti-Conversion Bureau fanfics that get so popular and then there’s this big argument over whether humans should become ponies or not, and it gets into this long drawn-out debate and the admins have to start banning people and then the cycle repeats itself.”

“What in Cadence’s name are you rambling about?!” Solid Sparkle huffed, “I told you that story because I need you to help me kill Celestia before it’s too late!”

“Never!!” the real Twilight decried, “Not in a million years!!”

“We don’t have a million years!” Solid Sparkle argued, “We have less than eight!”

“I won’t let you hurt the princess!” the real Twilight asserted, “She’s like a mother to me!”

“She was like a mother to me, too...” Solid Sparkle whispered, holding back tears.

Twi Wars

At Sugar Cube Corner, Fat Twilight was sampling what remained of the pastries in the aftermath of the fire that burned half the store. The portly pony held a burnt black brownie in her hoof and took a bite out of it.

“Dark chocolate...mmm....” she commented.

“What do we have here?” said an oddly familiar voice from behind.

Fat Twilight turned her head around only to see a pair of lavender bipedal legs attached to horse hoofs. She titled her head up and beheld a tall humanoid Twilight who was a bit more shapely than the one from Equestrian Girls.

“I just love you chubby little ponies!” Anthro Twilight said with glee as she picked up Fat Twilight and snuggled her into her bosom.

“You don’t happen to have any candy?” Fat Twilight requested.

“You can have all the candy you want after I take you home.” Anthro Twilight said with a wink.

It didn’t take long for Anthro Twilight to reach the real Twilight’s treehouse. The real Twilight was still arguing with Solid Sparkle as Crazy Twilight looked on in fear and Pinkie looked on in enjoyment. EG Twilight was also there, but she’s irrelevant.

Anthro Twilight burst through the door, still clutching Fat Twilight. The other three Twilights jaws dropped in amazement, as Pinkie grabbed a bag of popcorn from nowhere and started munching away.

“Dis gun be good.” Pinkie observed.

“More adorable little ponies!” Anthro Twilight announced, attempting to nab all the ponies in the room and engulf them in a group hug.

“Hold it!!” the real Twilight demanded, “There’s one other clone still out there causing all kinds of trouble and she still has Spike!”

“What of it?” Solid Sparkle asked.

“Okay, so maybe Celestia goes crazy in the future, but that evil clone is the one who’s hurting Equestria now!” the real Twilight explained, “She’s got everypony hooked on some crazy mind-controlling cupcakes!”

“Now that you mention it, Ponyville is almost empty.” Solid Sparkle recalled, “Everypony’s gone.”

“They must be following Evil Twilight.” the real Twilight said, “Wow; it sounds really weird when I say it.”

Before anypony could act, yet another Twilight walked through the door. A second anthro, this version with fangs and bat wings protruding from her back, nabbed Fat Twilight.

“How many of them are there?!” the real Twilight panicked, starting to revert to Crazy Twilight mode.

“The horror! The horror!!” Crazy Twilight felt the need to add.

Vampony Anthro Twilight (VA Twilight) flapped her wings and took to the sky. She then plunged her fangs into Fat Twilight’s neck and began sucking her blood.

“This is one way to lose weight.” Fat Twilight observed.

Almost as soon as VA Twilight left, the regular Vampony Twilight landed, clutching an unconscious Spike in between her fangs.

“Spike!” the real Twilight called out, “What have you done to him?!”

Vampony Twilight let go of Spike, who collapsed to the ground. The vampony clone snarled at the other Twilights and advanced toward them. Vampony Twilight was suddenly hit by a magical green blast and collapsed to the ground.

“He’s my slave, not yours, you bloodsucking freak!” Evil Twilight yelled, her horn glowing brightly.

Vampony Twilight’s own horn lit up and the two clones faced each other down. They both unleashed a magical aura and tried to cancel out each other’s energy. Vampony Twilight hissed defiantly as Evil Twilight’s magic overpowered her own. Vampony Twilight shrieked in pain as Evil Twilight unleashed a powerful blast, ripping off the vampony’s left wing.

Vampony Twilight collapsed to the ground in defeat as Evil Twilight marched over to her.

“Say my name.” she ordered, “Say my name!”

Vampony Twilight gave an unintelligible screech.

“You’re Celestia-damned right.” Evil Twilight replied, “Now to finish you off.”

The evil clone raised her horn, prepared to stab the life out of the vampony. Vampony Twilight opened her mouth wide and clamped down on Evil Twilight’s neck with all of her remaining strength. Evil Twilight screamed in pain as blood gushed out from two fresh puncture wounds. Vampony Twilight held a large chunk of flesh in her mouth as Evil Twilight clutched the gaping hole in her throat in horror.

The real Twilight trotted over to Spike and nudged him awake. Spike’s eyelids fluttered open and he looked up.

“Spike, are you okay?” the real Twilight asked.

“Twilight, is that you?” he asked, “The real you?”

“It’s me, Spike.” she assured him, “What happened to you?”

“The other Twilight kidnapped me.” Spike said, “She made me eat those cupcakes and then she made me help her bake them. Then that creepy bat Twilight swooped down and grabbed me.”

“Did she hurt you?” Twilight asked.

“Not really.” Spike admitted, “My dragon scales are pretty tough. It took her a while to break the skin. I’ll be fine.”

Evil Twilight squirmed over to the real Twilight and Spike, trying to speak through bloody gurgles.

“Sp-Spike...” she whispered, “I-I’m sorry....p-please...I...I l-love you...Sp-Spike...my Spike...I love you...m-more...than she...ev-ever....c-could...”

Evil Twilight reached her hoof out to touch Spike and left a bloody hoofprint on his chest. Tears streamed from her eyes as she breathed her last. Spike felt water leak from his own eyes as he closed Evil Twilight’s eyelids with his claws.

“I wonder if she really meant it...” the baby dragon wondered.

To End All Twilights

Spike didn’t have long to contemplate before three alicorns descended from the clouds and spread their wings among the Twilights. Three princesses; Celestia, Luna, and the Princess Twilight clone had arrived to assess the situation. Before any of them could speak, Vampony Twilight gave a violent snarl, blood dripping down her fangs. She charged at Princess Twilight, her horn glowing as Princess Twilight lit up her own horn in self-defense.

“Twilight!” Celestia called out, “Which one of you is the real Twilight?!”

“I am...” the real Twilight admitted, bowing her head in shame, “This is all my fault. Curiosity got the best of me. I didn’t thing that all of this would happen.”

“It’s good that you admit your wrongdoing.” Celestia said, “But what matters now is undoing the process. If you are indeed the real Twilight, you can chant a reversal spell to return the duplicates to the Mirror Pool.”

“If the clones disappear, they’ll be gone forever, right?” Twilight wondered, “Wouldn’t that be the same thing as killing them?”

“The clones will disappear, but they were never meant to be in the first place.” Celestia said, “You are the only true Twilight.”

“Yeah, but...” Twilight said, starting to cry as Evil Twilight’s last words haunted her.

“Die, empress!!” Solid Sparkle shouted, jumping into the air, holding her knife in her teeth.

Solid Sparkle was about to plunge the blade in Celestia’s neck when a blast from Luna’s horn forced her to the ground.

“Sister!” Luna called out, “Art thee alright?”

“Yes, Luna.” Celestia answered, “But who is she?”

The real Twilight trotted up to Solid Sparkle to talk some sense into her, but then felt herself being carried into the air. Vampony Anthro Twilight had nabbed her and was carrying her into the clouds.

“If I kill the real Twilight, then I cannot be sent back!” VA Twilight announced in a sinister changeling-like voice.

Anthro Twilight sprang on her hooves and leapt as high into the air as she could, grabbing hold of VA Twilight’s legs, dragging her down. VA Twilight bared her fangs and was about to plunge them into the real Twilight’s neck when the real Twilight took the opportunity to buck her in the jaw. VA Twilight snarled as the real Twilight felt from her arms and plopped onto the grass.

“That hurt.” the real Twilight complained.

“Can’t we all just get along?” Crazy Twilight commented.

By this time, Solid Sparkle had regained her composure and ran up to face Princess Twilight. She leapt on Princess Twilight’s back and grabbed hold of her wings. She forcefully aimed Princess Twilight’s wings in Celestia’s direction and tugged on Princess Twilight’s horn with her hoof. Princess Twilight’s horn glowed uncontrollably and sent out a powerful blast of energy. Celestia’s own horn glowed and sent out a blast in retaliation. Luna joined in the battle and sent a beam of energy in Solid Sparkle’s direction.

Vampony Twilight finally recovered from Evil Twilight’s attack and ran snarling toward Solid Sparkle, thinking she was Evil Twilight. Solid Sparkle performed a flying kick, hitting Vampony Twilight in the flank. Vampony Twilight skidded in the direction of the princesses and was caught in the crossfire between all three alicorn horn attacks. Vampony Twilight gave a final screech as she exploded in a burst of white energy, leaving nothing but scattered pieces of burnt fur.

“What have I done?!” Celestia fretted, “What have we done?!”

“Twas not the real Twilight, my dear sister.” Luna assured her.

“But still, she was a living creature, a pony.” Celestia said, “Even if she was just a clone.”

“We killed her.” Princess Twilight sobbed, “She’s dead, Spike.”

Upon hearing his name, Spike walked over and gritted his teeth in frustration. He clenched his fist in sorrow and anger at the chaos and his turbulent feelings.

“I have not used such lethal force for thousands of years.” Celestia observed.

“Twas an accident of sorts.” Luna replied, “If anypony was in error, it was her.”

Luna pointed an accusing hoof at Solid Sparkle. Solid Sparkle again drew out her knife, preparing for combat. Spike had had enough.

“STOP!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, “Everypony just stop!!”

Every Twilight still living, the princesses, and even Pinkie, stopped whatever they were doing and turned to face Spike.

“Now that I’ve finally got your attention, I’ve got something important to say.” Spike said, “I’ve been thinking lately, and maybe deep down I have romantic feelings for Twilight. But I also have feelings that are just as strong for Rarity. And maybe a part of me wants to find a nice dragon girl, someone of my own kind. We dragons live a lot longer than most ponies, so I’m not even sure such a romance would work out. What I do know, is that Twilight, the real Twilight has been with me since I was born. At the very least I love her like an older sister.”

“Spike...” the real Twilight replied, “I don’t know what to say...”

“Don’t say anything.” Spike answered, “Just be willing to listen a little more often.”

“Twilight.” Celestia announced, “If it is truly your decision, then the mirror clones may remain here. I won’t force you to do something you think is wrong.”

“No.” Solid Sparkle said, “We all need to leave. I misjudged you, princess. I thought by killing you I could save Equestria. Now I know that I’m the one Equestria need saving from. Twilight...it’s time for us to go.”

“I don’t know the reversal spell.” Twilight admitted.

“Oh, that’s easy!” Pinkie announced, “Just repeat after me...”

“Silence!!” Vampony Anthro Twilight ordered, covering Pinkie’s mouth with her hand, “I’m not going anywhere!”

“Oh yes you are!” Anthro Twilight said, tackling VA Twilight, “Everypony hold her down!”

All of the surviving Twilight clones got on top of VA Twilight as Pinkie recited the spell.

“No, you can’t!!” VA Twilight pleaded, “We have just as much a right to exist as you do!”

“And from her own reflection she left, because her reflection had left her bereft, and so being doubled must now be uncleft.” Pinkie said.

“And from her own reflection she left…because her reflection had left her bereft…and so being doubled…must now be uncleft.” Twilight repeated.

A mystical aura enveloped the clones, including the dead remains of Vampony Twilight and Evil Twilight. They soon faded away in a sparkling mist.

“They’re all gone.” Twilight observed, “Does this mean...that they’re dead?”

“They were never meant for this world.” Celestia said.

“Tis over, Twilight.” Luna added.

“It’s not over!” Pinkie contested, “What about all those crazy muffins that Evil Twilight made! Everypony’s still addicted to them! And what about that meteor that’s going to strike in eight years, kill everypony, and make the princess go crazy?!”

“What?” Celestia stammered, “What do you speak of?”

“Yeah, that Twilight with the eye patch told us all about it.” Pinkie replied.

“Horsefeathers...” Twilight groaned

*****

Meanwhile, on the streets of Manehattan, in a shady looking building, two vaudeville con-colts continued to peddle their wares.

“Yes, step right up folks! Step right up!” Flam announced, “Come and try our soon-to-be-famous cure-all cupcakes!”

“That’s right Manehattan!” Flim added, “Grab a dozen for the special low introductory price of 100 bits! You heard it folks! 100 bits!”

“Shut up and take my money!” a certain red-maned colt replied.

THAT"S ALL FOLKS!