Rainbow Dash Gets Her Period. And it's Not Good.
"MOM!!!" Rainbow Dash screamed from the bathroom as she gaped at the dark red mass clouding the toilet water. "I THINK SOMEONE DIED IN MY VAGINA!!!"
"Rainbow Dash, calm down." Her mother soothed as she walked into the bathroom to see what her daughter was screaming bloody murder about. "What is it you're going on about?"
Rainbow Dash simply pointed to the toilet with a pissed look in her eyes, as if she just wasn't in the mood for whatever was happening.
"Oh, sweetie." Her mother chuckled. "There's no need to be worried."
"Why the fuck not?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "I'M BLEEDING FROM MY FUCKING PUSSY, SOMETHING HAS TO BE WRONG WITH THAT!"
"I'm afraid not, sweetie." Her mother tried to convince her. "You just had your period. All mares start around your age. It means you're healthy and your body is doing what it's suppose to. Nothing to be afraid of."
"Why didn't you tell me about this beforehand?" She yelled, and pointed back to the toilet. "I would have shit myself when I saw that, but I was already done by the time I saw my blood just fucking floating around in there!"
Her mother chuckled once again. "Well, you'd better get used to it. It's going to happen every month for a very long time."
"EVERY MONTH??? WHAT THE LIVING FUCK!!!" Rainbow Dash shouted in outrage. How could this be happening? Why is this a thing?
"Yeah." Her mother confirmed. "Didn't they teach you about this in school, sweetie?"
"For God's sake, mom, we're cartoon horses created for the intention of entertaining little girls! Why would we ever need to know about the monthly draining of our genitals?" Rainbow Dash asked angrily.
"Well, you hold a valid point, I suppose." Her mother agreed. She waved the subject off. "No matter. Just know that it's completely normal, and there's nothing you should be worried about." She smiled sweetly despite the absolute death stare she was receiving from her daughter.
Rainbow Dash huffed. "Well, what happens if my meat wallet randomly starts spraying blood across the floor in the middle of my day?"
"Oh, uh, hmm..." Her mother seemed perplexed, not really able to provide a valid answer. "Well, I don't know. You'd think they would have invented some kind of pad or something by now to help that."
"Great. Fan-fucking-tastic." Rainbow Dash said with gallons of sarcasm. "I can be bleeding with the force of a bullet wound at any time."
Her mother nodded.
Rainbow Dash put her face in her hooves and shouted, "MY LIFE WAS SO SIMPLE YESTERDAY, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!!!"
"Have a great day, sweetie!" Rainbow Dash's mother waved as her daughter unenthusiastically flew away from her house. Her attitude was broken and she didn't know why she was still living. So far throughout the day, this 'period' thing made her want to kill a bunny, sing a song, fuck something, and then kill another bunny. It was the worst breakfast ever! How was she ever going to go on with the rest of the day!?
"Fuck..." Was all Rainbow could mutter as she lazily flew away from her house and into town.
So far, this had been the worst day of her life. She woke up with a stomach that felt like someone ripped it out and shit in it. Then, she went to take a shit and found out her hoo-ha was a faucet for her menstrual blood, and now she was on her way into town with no knowledge of when the next Great Bleeding would commence. She just really wasn't-
"GREAT MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NOW??" She suddenly stopped midair, an extremely painful cramp coursing throughout her lower abdomen. "This is the work of Satan himself!" Rainbow cringed as she tried to fly away from the pain that kept catching up to her. Mostly because it was a pain inside of her. As she curled into a ball from the pain, her wings locked up, and she started barreling aimlessly toward the ground.
"Fuck Mondays." She said simply as she plummeted straight into the ground like a dead cannonball.
When she crawled out of the massive hole she had made in the ground, she quickly checked her undercarriage for any sign of leakage. To her relief, it looked like nothing had happened.
"Thank Celestia." She said, but before she could walk away from the crater, she slipped and fell on some kind of thick liquid. When she opened her eyes to see what kind of puddle she was splashing around in, many thought they had heard a dying banshee screech to the heavens, but in reality it was Rainbow Dash screaming as she found herself in a pool of period blood.
"Fucking shit!" She jumped into the air and hovered above the ground. As she surveyed the area, she saw that an explosion of her period had swept across the ground around the crater, as if someone had thrown a water balloon of blood to the ground at mach speeds, and it released a plume of its contents across the land.
She looked to her hooves and saw that they were covered in the bloody mess in which her genitalia produced.
In absolute disgust, she DASHED away from the menstrual remains and sped to the nearest lake, where she dove in to cleanse herself of her own period.
She sat in the center of the lake, scrubbing every part of her body as thoroughly as possible to clean herself up. When she finally decided she was pure enough she gave out a long sigh and flew above the lake just in time for a small filly to scream in horror at what she saw. Her terrible screams of absolute fear filled the air around as she pointed at the lake with a trembling hoof.
"What? What did I do?" Rainbow Dash asked, then suddenly looked down to the water below her. It was quite literally a bloodbath (Ba dum tss!).
"I can't get a fucking break!" Rainbow Dash yelled, and quickly flew away from the situation before anypony could arrive to see her floating above a lake of bloody water.
"This is just great! It's grand! IT'S FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!" Rainbow Dash screamed as she sped through the sky at incredible speeds to get away from the town. "First, I wake up with a bleeding hooch, now that little girl thinks I'm a murderer or some shit!" She suddenly clutched her stomach. "NOT TO MENTION THESE CRAMPS MOTHER OF GOD!!!" She shouted at the top of her lungs. She slowed her flight and found shelter in the branches of a tall, shady tree, where she sat and gave yet another long, drawn out sigh.
As she clutched her side with her eyes half open, she noticed a small trail of blood trickling across the ground, leading all the way back to Ponyville, where she came from.
She slammed her head against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes.
"Fuck my life."
She remained resting on the branch for a few more moments, just waiting for her unbearable cramps to subside. It was times like this when she wished internet existed so she could just cuddle up in a warm bed and watch Netflix all day, just like how all the people on tumblr do because they literally have no life.
Rainbow Dash groaned once more just for the hell of it, and suddenly felt something flutter onto her nose. She opened her eyes to see a small butterfly staring back at her as it walked around on her snout.
"Ah..."
"Ahh..."
"Achoo!"
The small insect went flying as Rainbow Dash let out the strongest sneeze of her life. She innocently wiped her nose and looked down to see the branch she sat on along with the ground below was covered in her menstrual cycle. This was the absolute last straw.
"That's it! That is it!!! I've had it with this shit!" She shouted into the empty wilderness, and bolted away into the sky.
"I'm not dealing with this!" She yelled as she continued her straight ascent into the sky. "This period thing IS NOT gonna fly! I'm gonna go somewhere where I never have to even THINK about periods ever again!!!"
She continued straight into the sky at mach speeds, the likes of which she had never reached before. Without even thinking, she blew past the cloud layer and showed no signs of stopping as she continued her rant.
"I mean, why the fuck does this even happen? I didn't ask to be a mare!"
She climbed even higher at an impossibly fast speed.
"Is this the reward I get for not being a whore and getting pregnant all the damn time?"
The blue sky began to fade away as she made her way higher and higher into the thermosphere, her speed increasing every second she let out her pent up anger.
She suddenly stopped at the peak of her speed and clutched her stomach in severe pain, her face contorting with anger and absolute agony.
"AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING GODFORSAKEN CRAMPS!!!!!"
As she screamed out her last words with the force of a jet engine, she suddenly propelled forward at sonic speeds, followed by a deafening boom cracking behind her as she shot into space with no signs of stopping.
"I'M ON MY FUCKING PERIOD AND IT SUCKS ASS!!!" She screamed as she continued her ascent. The flight lasted a good five minutes before Rainbow Dash finally tired out and stopped. She looked behind her, where she thought she would see the remnants of a Sonic Rainboom. All she saw was a giant ring of red liquid where the spectral rainbow halo should have been, and it barreled toward the earth at an alarming speed before finally splatting into the pure multicolored world, covering the entire planet in her period blood.
Rainbow Dash sat in the depths of space with her jaw wide open as she witnessed her menstruation overtake her very world and drown its inhabitants in the bloody glory of it all. All the while, there was a thin stream of blood floating in mid space that led back to earth. She looked down to her hooves and back to the crimson-colored planet, just thinking about her life and what she did to get to a situation where her period blood blocked out the sun from an entire planet.
"I..." She stopped, then gave a long, defeated sigh. "I guess...this is my life now. I'm gonna have periods, and there's nothing I can do about it. Might as well learn to live with it."
And with that, she slowly made her way back to the bloody earth, where she hoped to find any sign of life or civilization left after the Red Dawn.
Spoiler: She did not.
The End.
