Time and Relative Letter's in Space
The letter came in with the mailman---stallion---guy---horse for crying out loud what am I supposed to call him?
Nopony knew who it was from, so it was given to the almighty Twilight, because she knows everything and all letters are to be given to her if you are at a surprise party at Applejacks. And then Applebloom asked the sacred question that entitled this story, and started this story, and inspired this story, and---I think you get the point.
"Who's it from Twilight, what's it say?"
"It's from..." Twilight squinted. "The Doctor?" Twilight suddenly gasped and threw it on the ground, immediately requesting gasoline and a match.
"Twilight, we are in a wooden barn filled with hay." Applebloom pointed out.
"IT MUST BE DESTROYED!" Twilight screamed, as if she was angry and terrified at the same time.
"Why?" Applebloom asked.
"It's obviously my Doctor's bills...they'll never get my money...NEVERRR---" Twilight said before being stopped by the Mail...thing...
"It's from...THE Doctor, that time traveler guy that---"
"No one cares mailmare." Twilight said. And sad music played as the mailthing walked away in sadness. Then Twilight blew up the radio.
"I think I know what it is!" Applebloom said.
"You don't know what your cutiemark is." Twilight stated.
"Valid point..." Applebloom said.
"I know!" Twilight said. "It's from THE Doctor, that time traveler guy!"
"Yeah, you're so professional Twilight!" Applebloom said. Suddenly a thought came to her mind and smacked her so hard it felt like spinning her head off like a lid on a pickle jar. "Didn't the mailthing already say tha---"
"NO!" Twilight shouted. "Let's just read the letter."
"Dear Twilight, or should I say, Princess Twilight, this has nothing to do with anything. Actually it does, but it's all wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff that you wouldn't get because you are not best pone, only Pinkie is and she would get it but she's in my TARDIS right now so don't even peanut. That was a fixed point in time, I had to write that, or I would cause a paradox. Same for this letter, goodbye! PS: If you are confused, ask yourself why you offended the mailthing and got in that large conversation? Because you got this letter! PSS: WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE COUGH COUGH"
"That's all there is..." Twilight said. "Oh well, lets just drink our cider and forget about Applejack because she left and none of the other bronies would mind.
The End
Applejack's Leaving Letter that was Left to Leave the Ponies wondering why she Left in the first place
Back at the barn again twenty centuries ago today in at Thirty Sicks Oh-Clock at low noon. The author decided that we should keep it real this time and so the letter is from---
SLAP!
OKAY! SPOILERS, YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
"Who's it from Twilight, What's it say?"
"It's from Applejack..." Twilight said in a saddening tone. Her face and tone changed suddenly. "Ah sh*t she found out we had a surprise party."
Then everyone gasped.
"Well Twilight, read it!" Big mac said from out of nowhere.
"Alright alright!" Twilight said. "It reads:
"Dear Twilight and you other ponies
"I decided to leave. Don't ask why, because I'm fixing to tell you. I saw your surprise part five seconds ago and it was horrible so that's why I left. Haha, just kidding. I would never say such a thing like that, that would be lying! Of course that's not why I left! But still the party is offensive. You put hay everywhere, hay and apples. It's like I'm a horse or something. Anyway, I left because nobody likes me, and I know what you would say, that that's wrong, but I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the best pone. I am never best pone, because only gay people say I'm best pone."
WHOA WHOA WHOA NOW, That's offensive.
That's the point of this story.
Really?
I could have gotten worse.
How?
"Because only gay fat kids with glasses and braces that have unfitting shirts and no pa---"
OKAY OKAY, Just go on with the story.
Alright, alright.
"So that's why I left, I apologize to all of you. Just kidding, but still you should go ahead and finish the party, because I won't be eating the cake."
"That's all there is." Twilight said.
"More cake though!" Applebloom said.
"Yeah!" Twilight said. And so she threw down the letter and gave everypony cake.
The end.
Of this chapter.
...
Yeah.
